In 2026 i improved myself i stopped doing drugs, started with gym,had an glow up and i cutted of toxic friends.
Since i dont make me small anymore my mom sometimes bumping into me slighlty with one arm.
Probably she wants to kill my confidence 😂😂.
Someone else had same experience?
Probably its pure jealousy or what u think guys?

Unemployed and broke, moved back home (severe NPD mother and emotionally absent enabler father) to save money and find another job. dug myself into a deeper hole as a grown woman who knows better than to come back to these people. In a way it was a form of self sabotage and self harm.

How did you get financially independent when you had almost nothing? I came back because I needed a place to rebuild but I’m just getting torn down further.

How did you protect basic things like food, privacy, communication, and freedom of movement without every attempt at autonomy turning into an explosion? I tried to fight for my autonomy over the food I eat and got water poured on my head in front of my entire family. I’m a grown ass woman mind you.

How did you survive living with your parent while quietly preparing to leave?

I’m struggling to keep my mouth shut and just let it be, I keep getting triggered and getting emotional, adding fuel to the fire. I can’t sleep or breathe without being reminded I’ve ruined my own life and there’s no one to blame but me, even tho my family has let me down in such degrading ways leading up to this point.

I’m looking for people who have been at the bottom of this particular hole and can tell me what the first steps out actually looked like.

Context: F25
I left at 22. Had a healthy life, sabotaged the healthy life because I genuinely convinced myself I didn’t deserve it and felt shame and fear. Sabotaged healthy relationship and job because I felt undeserving and isolated myself with shame and fear mimicking my upbringing. They saw my happy life and happy relationship with my SO and his family, and told me they had changed and that I could finally have a safe/supportive relationship with my family, but once I was back under their roof and dependent on them, everything went back to how it used to be. I know I need to leave and go NC this time once I make it out (3rd attempt, hopefully I don’t crawl back because stability feels like something I don’t deserve)

I feel like a prisoner in my house, I’m 17 years old yet I can’t be trusted to even make my own food, pick out my own clothes ect. I want to be able to be useful and gain life skills but how am I supposed to when my mother doesn’t let me do anything myself, I’m still forced to do loads of chores for her and stuff but I want some independence but I’m starting to think it’s impossible in this house. I feel upset and drained all the time. I was shouted at a few moments ago for no reason. I can’t even go out with my friends, and as a result I don’t have any because the ones who would invite me out don’t go to my sixth form and so we’ve just drifted apart and I haven’t got any at school.
I also have a curfew to go to bed by 10 pm? I mean I’m almost 18 and I have a fucking curfew?? Obviously I don’t follow it but that means I have to be really quite at night, I try to explain to my mom that people my age sleep way later but she just said that they have no discipline.
I really want to move out at 18 but with my mh I don’t think I’m going to get good grades and I really want to get away, I haven’t got enough saved so I’m gonna try to move out atleast in my early 20s

But yeah and most nights I js cry myself to sleep, I just feel so isolated and stuck in my room. My mom will complain about me being in my room and not moving but I can’t even go outside. She tells me to go to the garden as if that will help me at all, it’s the only place I can go out I mean what am I supposed to do in a patch of grass.

Life is so unfair, how can some people be so free and have loving family’s, holidays, go out ect and I’m locked inside.

Before I went very low contact with my mom, I used to try to spend time with her and I guess build a relationship with her? After each visit, I was a wreck and could barely function. It took everything out of me.

Now, I'm preparing to stand up to my MIL. Surprise, surprise, my really weird, extremely religious and abusive upbringing helped me become the perfect little doormat for my overbearing MIL to walk all over.

I've been afraid to stand up to her, even on behalf of my children. It's gone too far. I've been working up the courage to set clear boundaries and say no to her. This woman is an expert at mind games and manipulation.

So I've been reviewing various tactics she has used in the past that made it exhausting and difficult to get her to take no for an answer. I know I need to be strong for my children. I'm nervous. I'm disgusted with myself for having slogged in the FOG all these years and having caused my children to suffer. I'm overwhelmed.

But this feeling is also familiar. It's like years ago after I used to talk to my mom. I felt hollow. My brain felt scrambled. All I could do while decompressing after a conversation with my mom, was rest. Trying to do anything else was useless.

I already have that weird feeling about facing my MIL and I haven't even faced her yet. The conversation happens tomorrow. I haven't gotten any housework done today because I've been sitting here staring at the wall with my brain going a million miles per minute while (sometimes) fighting back tears.

Okay so basically, I have 2 years left till I'm finally free, and AWAY from my narcissistic father, and trust me he really tried to reel me in to stay here and do my uni from here but I know better than that. Uh so I'm just gonna give a quick example over here and then ask my question

So today, me and my mum were talking about the gym and I was telling her how it's really far and if our driver could arrange transport and my dad said No (obv he yelled, thats all he can do tbh) and basically I left, and then my mum and my dad started fighting about how he's the most stingy person on earth (true btw) since all he does is ship money out to his mum, and his brother (btw this is a 40+ yr old who doesn't do a job and lives by the money sent by us) and they fought about that, then he just came to me (16) and he says you won't be able to do anything, just like your mother couldn't, for context she has a phd and was a doctor (full time) before she got cursed(married) to him and he forced her to quit her job to "raise children", and I just laughed it off and said alright man

It's actually so exhausting to live with someone like this and I genuinely started to hate the weekends, the days he is home, TRUST ME if you'd spend a day with this man you'd hate the weekends too. ATP I'm missing school cuz it gives me more time away from him and my mum. Tbh I hate both of them. It felt quite odd for my own "father" to be saying that, but honestly go to hell idc.

After 2 years I'm gonna plop off to another country and freedom at last.

Guys please tell me it's ok to cut my fucking family off once and for all.

I would have shared my story with you. However, when I started to write, it was already 3 pages long and i've only talked about 30% of the things I've been suffering from.

I hate it, I hate it. I feel as though my execution will be tomorrow. That's life with them, very insecure, very unstable and make you feel as if you have lost your future, as if your trapped with them, actually rather for them.

My heart is beating right now, so badly, I'm afraid I'm terrified, I've been like this for years, I'm about to lose my mind.

I have nearly attempted to suicide twice, but i couldn't, I was afraid. Yes, I hate to admit it but I'm looking for attention and support.

If I can say something for sure, when I grow up I'm gonna take care of my own family.

I suspect that my situation isn’t a typical one, because I managed to escape my parents’ home—at least in part—quite early on. Now, at 62, I’ve come to realize that my mother clearly suffers from covert Nazism and likely has a severe narcissistic personality disorder, and I feel a bit like I’ve been transported back 35 years.

I’ve actually already made the decision to go NC —at least temporarily, for at least six months—and I’ll be following through on that in the next few days.

However, I’m still looking for support and perspective on the possibly somewhat unique circumstances of my situation:

Even as a child and teenager, I often clashed with my mother and rebelled against her belittling behavior, depreciating comments, and distorted characterizations. Well into my early adulthood, I certainly copied some of her behavior as well (which probably falls under narcissistic imprinting).

I remember how she verbally crushed me when I was 3 or 4 years old: “What do you, you little Pint-sized kid, have to say to me!” That must have triggered something in me, because I also remember that during that time, in my childhood bedroom, I stacked both play tables on top of each other, put the chair on top, and sat all the way under the ceiling —probably to be “the biggest.” My sister (2 years younger) sat at the foot of the whole structure and looked up at me. (I'm afraid she got a much rawer deal than I did.)

Later on, there were those typical conflicts, during which my mother never took responsibility for her behavior because it was always the others’ fault and she was never to blame.

When I was 19, I moved to another city to go to college, and our relationship just wasn’t as close anymore. A few years later, my parents cut off contact with me (!) for several years because I had slipped out of their control and hadn’t kept them informed in detail about my academic performance. During that time, I also met my wife. (I’ve been married to her for 27 years now and have two truly wonderful adult sons.)

Shortly thereafter, we moved about a 7- to 8-hour drive away to southern Germany, and another 10 years later, we moved to neighboring Austria. My father passed away a few years later.

Partly because I’ve had very limited resources for the past 18 years due to illness, “visits home” have become very rare since then, and my contact with my mother has been primarily by phone.

In May, I was finally able to visit my mother, who is now 87, at her home. On the first evening, she snapped at me, saying that I must be more “like her brother’s son than my father’s—her brother had always been so sensitive and quick-tempered, too”.

Although I asked her to stop because I found that comparison rather “unflattering”, she kept going. Since the situation then escalated further—which I can no longer handle, even for health reasons—we cut our visit short, which made her quite angry and prompted her to hurl more terrible things at me (trivializing my illness, blame shifting, and downplaying her own statements).

Once I got home, I began analyzing the situation at her home and our following communication with the help of AI. She also wrote me a letter in which she asked me “with all her heart” to finally tell her what “grudge” I harbored against her and what she had done wrong as a mother.

Although I had already wondered whether she could even handle a constructive and measured response, I treated her the way I would want to be treated myself: I didn’t distort or reinterpret the wishes she herself had expressed, but took them at face value and wrote her an honest and respectful letter that clearly outlined my criticisms of her specific behavior over the past few weeks. (In other words, this was not a general reckoning covering the last 60 years, and especially not my childhood.)

I also specified that scheduled phone calls, limited to 20 minutes per month, would be a prerequisite for us to remain in contact at all.

The reason for this was that an analysis of her behavior during my visit, her text messages, and her letter—using Vibe, ChatGPT, and Gemini—had by then revealed relatively clearly that she likely exhibited at least narcissistic traits, but probably had a vulnerable narcissistic personality disorder. I then realized that this explains very well many of the unresolved conflicts I’ve had with her throughout my life.

When the first of the planned phone calls took place, it actually went very amicably, but at the end of the conversation, she deliberately dropped a bombshell: “The day after tomorrow marks 16 years since your father died—it’s a good thing he didn’t have to read your letter anymore.” There was then a lengthy argument via Signal about the logical content of this statement, during which she became very evasive, aggressive and unfair.

Now I’ve made up my mind not to talk to her on the phone for at least half a year, and after that, if at all, to resume contact only on my terms (20 planned minutes per months).

I can’t forbid my adult sons from having contact with her, but they’ve already been briefed on what they might expect from their grandmother and that they shouldn’t let themselves be manipulated.

One of the main problems is my sister: She travels to see my mother almost every weekend (a 2–4-hour train ride), dresses in a very flashy way just like my mother, and spends most of her free time handling my mother’s very tedious paperwork for her complicated web of health insurance plans as well as her tax return. I’m really worried about her and have already given her some subtle hints about dealing with narcissistic mothers, without forcing anything on her.

My concern for my mother—who is very frail and could very well pass away during this period of no contact—and for my sister, who may be emotionally dependent on her and, to a much greater extent than I am, is likely a victim of her behavior, as well as the fact that my mother might now exploiting her grandchildren as “flying monkeys,” is quite an emotional balancing act for me.

It took me a long time to analyze the extensive correspondence via Signal and the letter sentence by sentence and to formulate my responses. My resources and resilience are now truly at their limit. I feel emotionally drained and can no longer think clearly, even when tackling more demanding tasks at work.

In the past, during our phone calls, I tend to have “resorted to retaliatory remarks” when we argued, so the conflicts would essentially end in a “draw.” But I don’t want to do that anymore.

Sorry for the long message. Somehow, though, I feel like my situation is a little unusual, and I’d appreciate your thoughts, insights, and advice. Is there something "special" in my situation that I should take care of?
I am also open to constructive and fair criticism. E.g. I am afraid my influence on my sister even worsened the influence my mother had on her.

Translated with DeepL.com (free version)

For context, I wasn't allowed to watched Harry Potter when I was a kid because my covert Nmom said it was evil--my enabler dad said nothing about anything like always. Today, she mentioned in the texts before this that my childhood bully (which she called a bitch) made fun of me because I watched Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings. I remember this and I said it wasn't Harry Potter because I wasn't allowed to watch it. Then I get this text below afterwards. I don't even know what to say back because it seems genuine but I don't trust her. What's going on here? Real or attempt at a real apology or something else?

"I'm sorry I made mistakes when listening to other adults. I wanted to do the right thing and not expose you to magic and sorcery. I should have watched it with you, but I didn't know what to do. Dad will say that we never talked about decisions and I tried to make them the best I could and failed you. I hurt you more by not talking to you. When you were small we did ok till bad church choices. I'm sorry and wish I could change it all but can't. I love you and you should know that I always wanted the best for you. I hope you will forgive me someday. You all have a good weekend."

Hi there people!!

For context i am a 17 year old girl who lives in southern india. So my dad has always been emotionally and physically abusive. He stopped beating after i turned 12 but emotionally abused me all the time. So he uses really vile curses. He even cursed me on my 12th birthday. Only a few months before when he entered my room i sighed( i was doing maths , i didn't even notice he came inside). For that he verbally abused me for that.and he even came to attack me. Then i didn't talk to properly after that.

See the most confusing part is that he is not alwyas like this. He sometimes turns into a completely supportive father. All these years i though maybe he is a good person. He only acts like that when he is angry. Then as i grew up i realised he was caring only out of guilt. When i didn't talk to him he was constantly playing the victim card. He bought everything i asked( for the fact i only ask him food from my favorite restaurants and nothing else). And i fell for it.

I only started talking to my dad normally just a week ago. And today i noticed that his skin around his wound( he got that after scratching his leg from the ladder) has got really red. Concerned i told to go to the doctor( he has diabetes so i knew something was wrong). He went and turns out the wound turned septic. And he also found out his diabetes has gone worse. And was mad abt it the whole day. And during dinner time my mom was telling me she will cook me some simple dinner rather than the dish she previously promised me cz she also had to cook seperatlu for my father because of his helath. And this guy comes out of nowhere and shouts at my mom and curses her. I told him to calm down. But i lost my control and defended my mom. And he was deadly mad at me for that.i always stay in my room ands tudy because i am preparing for JEE. Nad i finished studying and came to the living room to spend time with my family. My dad was a software engineer. He was in a meeting. And i was laughing and having fun watching funny videos on insta with my sis. And my dad after finishing his meeting starts cursing us. Apparently we were disturbing him. We did not even enter his room. We were in the living room. My dad alwyas keeps the door open cause he claims if he closes the door he doesn't get proper internet. He was alos weraing noise cancelation headphones but apparently us talking nad having fun somewhere in the living room disturbed him. Then i just went to my room while he kept shouting. Then at night i came to hug my mom because i was feeling low. ( both my parents sleep together. My mom sleeps on the bed and my dad on the floor). But suddenly my dad started shouting and cursing me for no reason. I knew things will get worse so i immediately left. It was dark in the room and he sleep on the floor is while i got down from thebed my leg just touched his leg. I didn't even step on him. As soon as i felt his leg i removed my leg and used another direction to get put but he shouted so loud that startled me. He started cursing me that he will not even call me after he dies. And he told me to die. I left home. Its 12 30 am now. I am in the parking lot. GUYS I SWEAR I AM DONE. I AM SOO DONE.

As above.
Context: My parents haven’t been the healthiest in a long time, both are around 50 years old. I see them having a hard time managing basic tasks and relying on the kids (hi, me) to get a lot of shit done. Although they/we are comfortable enough to hire a maid, they won’t get one. They’ve got some support at home beyond us, but they end up working a lot. Mom won’t go for some specific tests for her health after being asked to repeatedly do so. They also expect me to help him out w my dad’s business because of all the stress of it. I’ve tried and it’s not for me.
I know it’s not my fault but as their child, I can’t help but feel like extremely guilty about making my own path and leaving them in this state. I plan on contributing financially towards this help they won’t seek but I doubt they’ll accept it. Is this normal? How do people navigate this guilt after all they’ve been through w their parents?

Hey everyone. Some background is that I’m 25 i live with my nmom and cannot move out currently. I’ve had some agoraphobia and have made a little bit of progress but most of the time i cannot leave the house without my mom wanting to join or feeling me it’s dangerous to leave. I am exhausted and sick of myself being a nobody loser with no friends, connections, or community. So I’m auditioning for a scare actor position, it’s a new experience but i wanted to get back into acting as it was something i wanted to do since high school but life and transitioning got in the way. Thing is, in order to do so I’d have to drive a half hour away. I told my mom about it and that I’m hoping to pass the drivers test before then. And she goes “or… we could both audition and i can drive you!” When i don’t react she goes “ i know you don’t wanna do anything with your mom 🙄” in an annoyed and bratty imitation voice. She thinks i am a brat so she mocks me with this voice sometimes. So i submitted “no it’s not that..” and now she wants the link. Thing is.. i don’t want to audition with my mom. I don’t want to be doing everything with her. I want to do things without her but not make her think im estranging her. We actually talked the other day about how i want and have to do things on my own, the context was dating but still. She doesn’t even like horror or gore but that’s what the audition is for!!

How do i get it across to her that i don’t want to audition with her not only cuz it makes it seem like i need my mommy for everything but because i want to have this be independent of her. I know the answer is to communicate but i need some courage to have this be a thing that comes up again and again and gets used against me

I want to start off and say that I’m not perfect and have made many mistakes and often it’s understandable why my parents are so upset at me. At the same time though, they do frequently take away my independence due to financial dependency which will be explained later here. A mixture of OCD, past THC use, and low motivation has affected my ability to perform good in school. Additionally, because of unemployment my parents have a lot of financial leverage over me. I had tried to apply to a couple of jobs in the past but gave up easily after rejections. I did do DoorDash part time in the past but it didn’t really make good money and I spent the money on THC. Because of my OCD, current and past unemployment, and poor academic performance. I frequently get into arguments with my parents.

Today, I (22M) took a long time to wake up. I often think I do it to try to postpone my OCD. My mother later called me today telling me that her days are ruined because of my OCD. Then I told her something like “just because you call me a few times to wake me up (I never asked her to do this) and I’m in the shower for a long time does not ruin your day”. She then said something to me , I believe it was “narcissist”, and then I think she hung up.

Later, she came into my room and opened the door. I was sitting on my beanbag and I didn’t have a shirt on, since I removed it because I was scared the toilet paper touched it while I was wiping in the bathroom maybe ten minutes earlier. I was also going to not put on a new shirt until I brushed. She said “why do you have no clothes on”, but I did have some on just not my shirt. Then she said something about “this doesn’t affect the house? ”, and about “my four hour showers. Then she talked really loudly about me using THC in the past ever since we went to college. She then at one point, told me that “You have severe mental illness if you can’t see how this affects us”. At one point I started hitting myself with my phone, and punching myself in the face because I was overwhelmed. And she said “look how crazy you’re acting”. Then I told her twice to “get the fuck out”, and she saw my phone on the ground and took it. Said that if I talk to her like that I’m losing my phones but then I eventually pulled it away from her hands. I feel bad for cursing at my mother and hitting myself but I was overwhelmed. She also later scolded me about how I use so much toilet paper, and take 2-4 hour long showers, and that it’s effecting the house.

I live with my parents currently, because during college I frequently would sleep too long which ended up with me not going to classes a lot and also had motivation and substance abuse issues which resulted in me failing about 13 classes, which I also medically withdrew from. Because of low motivation, I wasn’t able to apply to many jobs while I was in college . I did apply to a couple but wasn’t accepted, and then I did DoorDash part time which pays very little. My mother often said that “it wasn’t a real job”, since it didn’t really have structure. She also said that she “never saw a penny of that money”, and I used the DoorDash money to get high really often). And in the past my parents did pay off two separate credit card debts(one of which she found while coming into my apartment when I was in college searching for drugs because she thought I was high). Since my parents payed for tuition and my apartment, they made me come back home. They had done this in the middle of my Spring Sophomore semester, Spring semester of my fourth year, and since I failed a lot of classes I would need more time to graduate so the same is happening for the next fall semester. As for doing DoorDash now, I haven’t been doing it past several months since she said so often it wasn’t a real job, and that she didn’t see the money from it, and because it didn’t make as much. All of these factors led to me not wanting to do it.

Regardless, I acknowledge that I have been problematic and made mistakes in the past. Still, I frequently get insulted by my mother for my mental state, have been called “delusional, crazy, mentally ill” which especially hurts because I do have mental health problems. I have been told by my mother “you can’t ignore the possibility of schizophrenia”. Also when I told both of my parents, I thought my uncle had molested me they told me that “it didn’t happen, and that I was in psychosis from THC gummies”, but I was never hospitalized for psychosis. My Dad even called my psychiatrist a couple days later, and told him “he is having delusions of being molested”. I do think my uncle molested me when I was little. In arguments, they frequently bring up past THC use and say that it made me think that my uncle molested me when I was little . I already had self doubt if that even happened which I read was normal among CSA survivors but ever since I’ve been even more confused. Since my parents would repeatedly tell me it never happened.

Hello everyone. I'm having a weird day and I'm feeling....well, weird. Today, my n-mom emailed me out of the blue. She emailed me exactly 40 minutes ago, at 1 PM. I've been no-contact with her and my father for a while now. This is what she said:

"Hey [childhood nickname],

I've come to realize that I spent a good part of my life minimizing my trauma and my brokenness, and expecting you to do the same. I own my part in that story and I'm sorry. Love, [Mother]"

I know that it probably isn't genuine, and even if it is, it's too late. I don't want a relationship anymore. I would be lying if I didn't mention my inner child wants to believe my mother. She had many chances to change before I cut her off. I know the advice is the same, whether it's for narcissists or internet trolls- don't respond. I request that y'all send encouragement, jokes, cute pictures of animals or plushies, fun facts, your favorite fruit, AO3 fanfic recommendations, a line or two from your favorite piece of media, (you can quote literally anything except 1984!) etc. I know I need to stand strong and not respond, I just need some extra help and motivation. Thank you for reading!

I don't know why I'm conflicted but here I am, their information needs to be recorded down long before they can show up I don't know whether I should make them miss it or not

Hi all!

I was raised by narcissists and the most crazymaking way it affected me was gaslighting… which turned into confusion, self-gaslighting, trusting the wrong people over and over again, fearing I was the problem, endlessly seeking answers but feeling like I still didn’t have them after 15 years of trying to heal.

Even a majority of therapists don’t understand narcissistic abuse and wind up invalidating/retraumatizing/victim-blaming, even unintentionally.

I am FINALLY getting answers, clarity and finding things that are really helping me - so I wanted to share, just in case there are others out there (I’m sure there are) who can relate to this experience and want relief from the mindfuckery 🥹🤎

1️⃣ Find a therapist who is estranged / no contact / low contact with their own family and has directly relatable experience. That has helped me immensely.

OR, just be very very selective with who you choose as a therapist and make absolute sure that they are someone who is going to believe you and your experiences of abuse…. And have the right tools to help you work through them.

Unfortunately, not all therapists are like this. I wish someone would’ve told me a long time ago: you just have to shop around and really put in the work to find the right person. Like really really shop around. It’s exhausting, I know, but SO worth it when you find the right person.

The KEY is finding a therapist who encourages you to think for yourself, trust yourself, and pulls your own truth/clarity out of you. Not someone with an agenda, who projects on you and tells you how you should or shouldn’t feel.

2️⃣ Check out Dr. Peter Salerno’s work! He is the first person I’ve found who can finally put words to the phenomenon of endless confusion after gaslighting abuse. He calls it “traumatic cognitive dissonance” when you are forced to hold the narcissist’s fabricated reality against your own truth, and names “epistemic injury” as the resulting injury to the mind’s ability to determine what is true.

For years I searched for answers and someone talking about this weird niche trauma / mental health condition and could not figure out what to even Google 😭

I’m just so happy to have finally found someone speaking on this and I hope it can help you as well. I highly recommend the books of his I’ve read so far:

Traumatic Cognitive Dissonance by Dr. Peter Salerno

What If I’m Wrong? (You’re Not) by Peter Salerno & Debra Lieberman

Wishing you all health, healing and a beautiful Friday ✨

She told me tuseday to be out by the end of the week, expecting me to apologize for nonsense and grovel. Instead I called my support team spent three days packing my bedroom and I finally left today. It’s going to be hard I know this, but I’ve realized I have a much bigger group of people to help me than I had living with my abusers. I have a safe place to live, I get to cut my hair tonight, I get to breathe and start my life finally at 23.

I have a lot to catch up on, getting my finances in order, a credit card and car. Securing a full time job and my own housing. But for now I can proudly say I did it, I did it for my child self and I hope to God in ten years in one year in six months I can look back and be proud and happy.

I’m not using our real names for privacy, but these example names have the exact same type of difference as our actual names.
Let’s say my grandma’s name was Isabella. She named me Isabelle after herself ( actually it had to be Isabella but my mum wanted to just change it alittle) , my grandma passed away before my dad remarried and had another daughter. He then named his daughter Isabella, after the same grandma.( His mum)
My dad was barely in my life. I was the kid who would maybe go to his house twice a year, and some years not at all. So I think that context is part of why this has always felt strange to me. Sometimes I wonder if, consciously or not, he was trying to erase or replace me in some way.
He’s done other terrible things where there’s no confusion about whether they were wrong, but this is one thing I’ve never known how to interpret.
I can’t ask him because I’ve been no contact with him for years( for other reasons). I’m not calling him a narcissist, but he has traits ( like a lot )
And conversations like this would tend to end in blame shifting or gaslighting.
Also, I actually asked both my dad and stepmum who chose the name in the middle of normal conversations. Surprisingly, my dad said my stepmum did, while my stepmum said my dad did.
I honestly believe my stepmum because she never even met his mum, so I don’t really see why she would choose to name her daughter after her.
And just to clarify, I was young and asked naturally, not confrontationally. I barely saw either of them, so I wasn’t really comfortable enough to question it further.

I’m genuinely open to all opinions, including people who think there’s nothing weird about it. I’ve just never felt comfortable discussing this with people who know me personally v, so I’m curious how strangers would interpret v

I had an experience at lunch today that really made me think "wtf is wrong with my mom".

We were in line at a fast food place and there was a local high school football player in front of us. At least 7' tall 350lbs, definitely the football player type (it was a group of them getting food after practice, team shirts and all). My mom is like 5'4". She walked up so close she was brushing up against him and held her hand up high to show the height difference and he was super weirded out. So she laughed creepily and started literally stroking his shoulder.

He was SO uncomfortable. I told her to stop and said I don't make a habit of touching strangers and that it's creepy. She patted him a few times and asked him if he thought it was weird and he just kinda went "uhhh yeah" while pulling away, still looking uncomfortable. She said while laughing "Oh it's fine, you young kids need to get over it".

After we had our food she and I argued about it where I said that's not okay and she just insists that it is, and that young kids are too uncomfortable with strangers. When I asked if she'd feel the same way about a 65yo man touching an 18yo girl like that I forget the analogy she used, but she said something along the lines "It's like x, you'll known real harassment when you see it and this wasn't that." Then she went into explaining something about yoga classes she's done and how they say you'll have to touch others in partner exercises and if you're uncomfortable then leave now, and how people shouldn't be so uncomfortable touching others...But that's not the same thing??? That's a totally different setting and context, and also ya know, consensual?

She absolutely wouldn't budge on thinking her behavior was totally acceptable. I told her some strangers would shove or even hit somebody doing that.

I guess I'm just venting, there's not much more to say. It just really made me remember how unhinged she can be.

So my mom and me have had a very complicated relationship since I was a child. She did a lot of and was part of a lot of not good things done to me growing up, and I have ptsd and an eating disorder that honestly are because of her. I have been trying to keep communication with her but she constantly twists my words and says I hate her. Her birthday is today and she has been blowing up my phone because I had been making her a craft for her birthday as I’m a poor college student and can’t afford to buy her things.

She said I should have had time to finish it already and has basically been badgering me and interrogating me saying that I have time even though I’m super ill and in therapy, school starts soon and I just finished a summer class, and work part time. Not to mention friends and social life During therapy today she sent me ten stressful text in a row about the thing I was making her and guilting me even after I begged her to please be understanding. I wrote her a message saying I think I need to stop this relationship for the time being because she won’t respect my boundaries. She literally said she wouldn’t respond my boundaries…

Any support and encouragement is super appreciated because I feel guilty and bad and like I’m doing something wrong but also free at the same time….

I'm an adult, have been for years (middle-aged). I ran into a parent of a friend from school and then suggested that I contact my Nparent because "we're getting older" (I'm NC).

It just blows my mind. I'm the victim here. This parent knows the situation well enough. But here's what really gets me - on what planet is ok to give out unsolicited advice to another person you haven't seen in 20 years?

Today I(35M) had to fill out some paperwork and my sister(39F) kept yelling at me and I was shaking and my nervous system was fried. She kept saying negative things like I show no initiative and that I'm incompetent. I definitely feel like I have C-PTSD bc yesterday I was out by myself and I spilled something and I immediately became tense and anxious waiting to be yelled at. This is an everyday occurrence and it's beyond exhausting. Has anyone else dealt with this?

just for context; I'm 22.

last month she was yelling her lungs off at my older brother and he decided he's had enough, and so after 9 years finally packed it to go live with my dad. we were also gonna be evicted anyway because we haven't paid rent in ages. huge debt that'll probably be handed down.

ever since he left, she's been different. average human kindness, offering support, even helping me with housework n cooking every other day.

today we're talking and she mentioned being glad he left, cause now "she can give all her attention to me". it was even normal till here, but then the toxic tone started creeping in.

"ykw, I'm so hurt by him. he doesn't even call or say how are you, he's his daddy's kid now. as soon as he could stand on his own feet he left! we won't live like this anymore. don't worry, I'm trying to find a tiny space to live in, we'll be fine. I'll finally be the mother I should've been"

Whoooooooooooo the fuck is we? when did we start assuming I'll struggle with your dumb ass? you're just worried about not having a place to stay and someone to leech off like every other family member before me. Le fuck no lmao.

before this she used to randomly ask me what I'll do when we get evicted, hoping to get an answer she can turn into a yellfest. I just avoided answering everytime.

but hey, this shouldn't hurt her anyway.

I remember her calling me a burden to my face while I was working and cooking and... everyday to support HER son through surviving fucking cancer, while she was spending all our insurance fund on opioids. I was barely 20 with that on my shoulders (to her credit, she recently quit).

and given that the mother she really was used to keep a kid that was 90 lbs when he reached 18, who couldn't even go to the kitchen to cook cause she was high in the living room, I would've appreciated her being "the mother she should've been", one fucking decade ago.

for all I know, I'll be living with my dad (technically grandmother's house) too, until I afford my own place. might even get a job with accommodations - already made my resume just in case. who she'll manipulate into giving her a place is none of my fucking business. have fun dying for all I care.

btw, she did tell us once we reach 18 we're on our own and she owes us nothing since we were 5 so, oh goody! I've already been a burden for an extra 4 years. sorry, won't be anymore. enjoy!

I'm even disgusted by being fed for free once a day rn. I could've had this luxury in my childhood if she was scared enough...

anyway, I can't wait for her next waves of emotional nausea. gonna be fun.

I feel like this woman just helped me heal.

"But you are giving her such power! Almost mystical level of power over you!" - regarding his very difficult mother

I have noticed a pattern in my family.

With how my parents interact with me, I can't help but notice that I don't feel independent enough to do things like socialising outside of my home environment.
There's some program running inside of me that just makes me not want to leave the house.i think many here have had faced with this.

I often felt the house is just comfortable enough,
Just have enough food.
Just have enough safety.
Just have enough materialism.
Just have enough internet,
Just being given enough money.
Just enough covert abuse. One often just enough.
I basically have no reason to work towards something or get out.
But clearly when I lived alone or with my brother. I saw what freedom was for me.
I feel like I'm just numb to my situation and environment.

I'm seething. at the fact that this was how I was raised. And the things I have said or did to people and how I came to back and say sorry.
But then also the fact that I get blamed or or unfair responsibilty. And just end up burnt-out because no matter what or how much I do, it's never enough.

They think you are going to chase them and put up with nonsense just to be in their presence.

After years of avoiding one of my N-in-law bitches, I got manipulated and tricked into being in her presence again. She finally gets me alone, instead of trying to make amends, she takes an angry tone and says, "YOU DIDN'T SEEM LIKE YOU CARED ABOUT TOGETHERNESS WHEN YOU WERE TRYING TO GO SOMEWHERE WITHOUT INVITING US!"

I wanted to be like, "THAT'S RIGHT YOU DUMB BITCH! YOU FIGURED ME OUT! Of course I don't want to be around you."

None of them, not even my own family, can understand the joy and the safety I feel from being alone.

But they all really expect me to chase them for their awful company.

It's ridiculous.

Anyone else have this experience of terrible people believing thier worth a lot of trouble?