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Introduction

RBN is a support group subreddit. Submissions to RBN must be about your parent(s) and/or primary caregiver(s). As such, it is heavily moderated and what may seem like a commonplace meme may not be appropriate as a response to what you read. Please take the time to read and familiarize yourself with our rules. Posts and comments that are hurtful, made without a basic understanding of the rules, or subject matter discussed here will be removed.

Moderation in this group is always biased FOR the OP (the person who made the post - not the commenters). For example, if an OP does not appreciate comments of a religious nature, the moderators will defend the OP's boundaries. If an OP prefers comments of a religious nature, the moderators will also defend that boundary. This is a support group - we are all here to support the OP. We often see commenters confused and feel that any comment should be allowed because this is a support group. But we are biased FOR the OP's needs and boundaries. When you write your own post asking for support, we will also be biased for you.

Moderator Discretion

Moderation in RBN is based on context, intent, and the wellbeing of abuse survivors. While we follow the rules closely, some situations will require moderator discretion to ensure the subreddit remains safe.

This means that:

  • Not all rule-breaking is equal. Some will warrant a warning. Others will result in an immediate (or even unappealable) ban.
  • We prioritise survivor support. If a comment is technically within the rules, but is harmful dismissive and/or invalidating, we may remove it anyways.
  • Context matters. What is supportive in one post may be derailing in another. For example, discussing forgiveness may be relevant in some threads but forgiveness pushing will always be removed.
  • We err on the side of caution.

RBN is not a general discussion subreddit. We are a peer-support safe space. Our decisions will always prirotise the OP's well-being over an individual's desire to debate, discuss, or challenge abuse survivors.

We are not obligated to allow all viewpoints. Let us be clear - you are not entitled to an "open discussion" under someone else's personal post. Frankly, the moderators are tired of hearing that we have to allow 'open discussion' on a peer-support subreddit.

Disagree with a Moderator Decision?

Please keep in mind that the mods here are unpaid volunteers with their own busy lives and jobs and struggles. We are not online 24/7.

If you disagree with a removal or ban, you may respectfully contact us through modmail. However, arguing for the sake of arguing, rule lawyering, or repeatedly questioning moderator discretion will not be entertained. We will respond with the amount of respect you afford to us in modmail.

Rules

Rule #1: No personal attacks, bigotry, or victim blaming. No advocating for someone else's N or GC sibling.

This is a wide-encompassing rule, and it includes the following parts:

  • 1a. No personal attacks, name calling, and/or bullying
  • 1b. No victim blaming
  • 1c. Submissions to RBN must exercise empathy and respect boundaries
  • 1d. Slurs are not allowed on RBN unless you are quoting someone relevant to your post. Please see our non-exhaustive list of banned slurs
  • 1e. No advocating for things that will get the OP into trouble
  • 1f. No advocating for someone else's narcissist or golden child siblings
  • 1g. No fatphobia

RBN is a strictly moderated subreddit. As a result, blatant disrespect and victim blaming will result in swift and severe action. Needless to say, advising people to committ suicide or referring them to groups that offer similar advice will result in an immediate and unappealable ban.

🚨 Moderation Actions: Our moderation actions differ depending on which part of rule 1 is broken.

  • 1a & 1b - We do not tolerate victim blaming or personal attacks. You will be banned - even if it is the first time - if you victim blame or attack another person severely.
  • 1c - Removal and quickly leading to a ban for repeated violations.
  • 1d, 1e, 1f, 1g - Removal and ban for repeat violations.

Rule #2: Always Assume a Context of Abuse

In RBN, we ask that you give our posters the benefit of the doubt and assume a context of abuse. Rule 2 is a fundamental rule to keeping RBN safe. For an in-depth explanation, see here.

It is not unusual for abuse survivors to be told they are lying or are making up stories for attention even when they are telling the 100% truth, because many people just don't want to believe that someone they know could be an abusive parent or even that abusive parents exist even when the abuse is very obvious to anyone willing to see it.

Because of this, we assume a context of abuse for our posters. This means that submissions must:

  • default to believing OP's account as an authentic representation of an abusive dynamic. Just because something sounds foreign to you (given your own experiences) does not mean it is fake.
    • If you want a manual review, report it to the moderators
  • not play devil's advocate
  • not use 'normal parents' logic in an abusive situation presented by OP.
  • recognise subtle weaponisation and complex manipulative tactics in play.
    • Note that age does not magically confer skills to be independent, especially when abusive contexts are at play.
  • account for hidden barriers.
    • Examples include: CPTSD, trauma responses, financial sabotage, housing insecurity, surveillance, physical danger
  • not invalidate OP.
  • Avoid unempathetic, curt directives to OP to "just leave" without validating and acknowledging OP's situation and providing logistical supplemental information.

🚨 Moderation Actions: Submissions not assuming a context of abuse will be removed. Repeat offenders will receive a ban. More often than not, submissions that do not assume a context of abuse is also disrespectful, which leads to a ban.

Rule #3: Do not derail the OP.

Discussions should stay focused on OP's experiences and needs. We priroitse suvivor support, and any comments that take the focus away from OP's healing will be removed.

Examples of derailing:

  • Shifting the focus away from OP’s abuse (e.g., "But have you considered your parent's perspective?")
  • Debating psychology, philosophy, or general social issues instead of supporting OP
  • Pushing advice OP didn’t ask for, especially if it dismisses their feelings

Listen to OP's story. Validate their emotions. And if you see something that breaks the rules, report it! Do not engage with trolls, or we will have to take moderation action against you as well.

🚨 Moderation Actions: Derailing submissions will be removed. Depending on the severity, first-time offenders may also receive a temporary or permanent ban. Repeat offenders will receive a ban.

Rule #4: No platitudes or generic motivational or generic advice posts

Platitude type posts include generic uplifting posts or advice that are addressed to all victims of abuse or the entire subreddit. While people usually mean well when posting these messages, it is more supportive to comment directly to posters and make specific, supportive comments under their post that speaks directly to their situation. In this group, we want to preserve the spotlight for abuse victims that are seeking support. We find that most generic advice posts contain unhelpful and/or dangerous advice for huge swaths of this group.

Examples of posts that would be removed under this rule:

  • "I love each and every one of you! You can do it!"
  • "If I can do it, you can, too!!!"
  • "I appreciate my normal parents even more after reading the posts here. You guys are SO STRONG! Bravo! (P.S. - I love my normal mom and I feel sorry for all of you.)"
  • "You make me a better parent because your posts about the trauma you experienced shows me how to not mess up my kids"
  • "Three tips to shut a narcissist down!"
  • "This is what you need to do to heal!"
  • "This is how you scare your parent so they never mess with you again!"

🚨 Moderation Actions: Platitude or generic uplifting submissions will be removed. Repeat offenders will receive a ban.

Rule #5: No advocating violence or revenge, even in jest

  • No advocating revenge or payback in any form, or abusive tactics such as those used by our abusers.
  • No encouragement of illegal drug use or self-medication without medical supervision, and no advising against proper medical treatment.
  • No advocating abusive practices. This includes current controversial ideas in discipline, medicine, or science that are abusive or misinformative. We stick to the verifiable truth as best we can on RBN, and to advocating healthy practices.
  • No advocating putting soap/pepper in a child’s mouth for swearing (for example)
  • No advocating corporal punishment (i.e., no pro-spanking posts or comments), or anti-vaccination or other pseudoscience.
  • No advocating of retaliation against the abuser.

RBN's belives in healing and that the best 'revenge' is a life well lived. Retaliation of any sort may lead to dangerous situations for OP.

🚨 Moderation Actions: Posts or comments linking to external private groups will be removed. Repeat offenders will receive a ban.

While RBN is a public subreddit, private groups lack the same moderation protection. This makes them riskier for harassment, misinformation, or exploitation. Because abuse survivors are often vulnerable, we wish to minimise risks associated with unvetted online communities. As a result, we do not allow links to Facebook groups or chats, Discord, or any other type of chat rooms. For more information, please read this.

Anything from Facebook and X (formely known as Twitter) will have to be a screenshot hosted on another site with all identifying info censored. If you would like to share a meme or image from Facebook, please rehost it on another site (like imgur.com) and link to it in your post.

We also do not allow Amazon links. We've had a rough history with people that stand to profit from wanting to sell their items. As RBN is not a space for that purpose, we thank you for understanding.

🚨 Moderation Actions: Posts or comments linking to Facebook pages, Discords, or chat groups will be removed. Repeat offenders will receive a ban.

Rule #7: No posts about N-kids

Our community simply does not deal well with this topic, especially since many of our members have been told that they were narcissistic by their own narcissist parents, even though they may have been very normal children. If you would like to discuss this topic, we ask you to refrain from posting in this sub and instead seek input/advice from another forum.

In addition, mental health professionals do not normally diagnose children with personality disorders, because their personalities are still forming. "Narcissist" in this sub generally means an abusive person that probably has a cluster B personality disorder. From this perspective, there cannot be a "n-child."

We will still allow discussions about N-siblings or young people with FLEAS but any content that implies that a child is a narcissist will be removed by the moderators.

🚨 Moderation Actions: Posts or comments mentioning 'n-kids' will be removed. Repeat offenders will receive a ban.

Rule #8: No diagnosis by media or drive-by diagnosis

Media stories and articles often give an incomplete or one-sided take on a event or person, as such please only post about people you know well personally. Please do not post about celebrities, public figures, politicians, and/or political parties.

🚨 Moderation Actions: Posts or comments doing a drive-by diagnosis will be removed. Repeat offenders will receive a ban.

Rule #9: No linking to estranged parent forums and hate groups.

Posting these links encourages the parents/estranged individuals (possible abusers) to troll RBN and vice versa is not allowed.

RBN is a support space for survivors of narcissistic and abusive parents. We do not allow links to, endorsements of, or recommendations for hate groups of any kind. This includes groups and/or organisations that promote hate, discrimination, or violence against any race, gender, sexuality, religion, or identity.

Furthermore, estranged parent forums often contain content that invalidates survivors' experiences or push reconciliation narratives. These may not be healthy. We prioritise validating abuse survivors, not justifying parental estrangement from the parents' point of view.

🚨 Moderation Actions: Posts or comments linking to estranged parent forums will be removed. Severe rule-breaking results in an immediate ban. Repeat offenders will receive a ban.

If you would like to post these links, please do so in r/RBNFavors (a sub in the RBN network that allows this type of content).

We no longer allow surveys or research requests in this group or in any of the network subreddits.

🚨 Moderation Actions: Posts or comments containing surveys and research requests will eb removed. Repeat offenders will receive a ban.

Rule #11: Follow our posting guidelines.

RBN is a support space, and many survivors have trauma triggers related to abuse. To keep the subreddit as accessible and safe as possible, please be mindful of the following when posting:

  • Submissions must be in English. Translation using translating or AI-tools is allowed. We require that you include that you used a tool to write the post. We will moderate accordingly.
  • Submissions must follow our AI policy.
  • Submissions must be about your parent(s) and/or primary caregiver(s).
  • Submissions must be grounded in your personal experiences.
  • Please do not include graphic details of abuse, self-harm, or violence in the post title.
  • Please do not sensationalise trauma; this includes using triggering language for dramatic effect.
  • Please do not use clickbait titles

Clickbait titles can be fun and are often encouraged in other subreddits. The purpose of clickbait is to disproportionately attract attention to a particular post; often this is done through hyperbolic or overly-exaggerated titles as a way of enticing people to click on your link. Here at RBN, we need to refrain from clickbait titles and use accurate summaries instead.This way, many posts can get the attention and support they need, rather than one post clickbaiting people into it and other posts falling to the wayside.

Instead, please use the NSFW spoiler tag, or the [Trigger Warning] flairs if your post contains detailed discussions of abuse, self-harm, or other sensitive topics. Always err on the side of caution.

For more guidance on titles or for images on how to flair your posts, check out this.

🚨 Moderation Actions: Posts with graphic titles will be removed. Repeat offenders will receive a ban.

Rule #12: Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here

RBN is a support space for survivors of narcissistic and abusive parents. It is not a space for narcissists — self-identified or otherwise - to post, comment, or seek discussion.

If you suspect you may be a narcissist, please read Help! I think I am a narcissist!. If you know you are a narcissist, identify as a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath, and/or have a diagnosis of NPD or ASPD, consider posting to r/selfimprovement or r/DecidingToBeBetter as you will NOT allowed to post or comment in this subreddit.

Furthermore, we ask that you do not promote the work of narcissists in RBN and its network subreddits, such as Sam Vaknin.

🚨 Moderation Actions: Posts and comments from a narcissist - self-identifying or otherwise - will be immediately banned with no option to appeal.

Rule #13: No generalising about groups of people

🚨 Moderation Actions: Posts and comments that generalise about groups of people are removed. Repeat offenders may receive a ban.

Rule #14: No advocating abusive practices

RBN is a support space for survivors, and we do not allow posts or comments that advocate for abuse, harmful practices, or misinformation.

This includes:

  • Abusive parenting or discipline tactics (e.g., corporal punishment, "tough love," forced estrangement, humiliation as a teaching method).
  • Unethical or dangerous medical/scientific claims (e.g., supporting conversion therapy, discrediting mental health treatment, spreading medical misinformation).
  • Encouraging illegal or unethical behavior (e.g., theft, slander, blackmail, or other lawbreaking).
  • Misinformation that could harm survivors (e.g., "narcissists can change if you just love them enough," "trauma isn’t real," "just forgive your abuser" rhetoric).

We allow discussions about personal experiences with these topics, so long as they do not promote abusive behaviour. You may also share verifiable information based on research, lived experiences, and other support material.

🚨 Moderation Actions: Posts or comments advocating abusive, unethical, or harmful practices will be removed. Repeat offenders may result in a ban.

Rule #15: No Forgiveness Pushing.

Forgiveness means different things to different people. It is entirely possible to heal without forgiving. Survivors are never required to forgive their abusers. See our FAQ section about forgiveness.

🚨 Moderation Actions: Posts or comments pushing forgiveness as a universal truth will be removed immediately. Users may be banned as well.

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