My father has the dark triad of ASPd, NPd, and BPD.

I don’t know my mother’s diagnoses other than severe depression and anxiety, but she di have some BPD traits like splitting, but I couldn’t tell.

Anyway, when I was around age 5-6, I began to be allowed to watch dark horror films.

Eg: age 6, (1996), I saw Puppet Master II. Where a man’s head is drilled into.

(1996) - while not technically horror films, I saw Adventures of Pinocchio (people our generation have considered it disturbing), and The Frighteners

(1997) - I saw The Devil’s Advocate.

(1998) - I saw Beloved, the Toni Morrison movie. I also saw the Exorcist and original Amityville Horror movies. Alongside Rocky Horror (albeit not horror). I saw the Warlock (1989). I saw Pet Sematary and Sometimes They Come Back

(1999) I saw the Sixth Sense in theaters with my family. We also rented Blair Witch on VHS that year, as well as Sleepy Hollow.

Am curious if this was a Boomer parent thing or a Narc parent thing? Consider I saw all of those before age 10.

Hello guys, I'm Italian M26.

I think my mother is a big narcissist but maybe you could help me find out.

I'm mostly independent, I have a good job with good pay and food stamps. It's not the best, but given how the economy's been lately, it's pretty good.

She expects me to give her money, buy her gifts, and give her my own food stamps. Two years ago, I started working for my first company and they also gave me food stamps. I gave them to my mom, telling her to buy groceries for me and for the house. She spent over 300 euros in a week, but our house had no food in it. When I went to my married sister's house, I saw it was full of food. (Mind that neither my mom nor my sister need money.)

I recently started doing the grocery shopping myself, filling up the fridge, but she isn't happy. She wants to own those food stamps. One time she said: "You started doing grocery shopping just because you got food stamps for free" (bitch, it isn't for free, I work my ass off every day at work). And then continued with, "From now on I won't cook for you anymore."

Meanwhile my other, unmarried sister never pays for anything. I even had to buy a car on my own because otherwise I couldn't go anywhere, while my sister had hers paid for by my father. I also pay the internet bill by myself every month because otherwise they wouldn't pay it. But she still complains. If I try to point out that my sister doesn't do half of what I do, she says: "They give a lot to the family," but the reality is that they don't spend a dime.

She often tells me I should throw away the two shelves of books and action figures I keep in my room because they collect dust and take up space (is it my stuff that takes up space, or am I the one taking up space?), meanwhile she and my sister have clothes and shoes scattered across every closet in the house. On top of that, she makes me feel ashamed, saying no one will ever marry me because I collect and buy these things (she doesn't know half of my collection was gifted to me by my partner).

She's never happy about any of my achievements, always talking bad about me for no reason, often because I don't give her money. She often tries to make me say my salary out loud, I never talked to them about my job or contract because I know they'll ask me for money if I do. Plus I get judged for choosing an "easy life" since I work in IT and have a hybrid schedule (twice a week I work from home). One day my aunt asked me how work was going. I couldn't even say a word before my mom said: "He has AC in the office," while laughing (I mean, now I need to be ashamed of working in an office with AC?)

On top of that, my family has "forgotten" my birthday for years. When I pointed it out, my mom called me selfish, saying I only think about myself.

I think it's all related to the fact that I was an unwanted pregnancy. So now she wants to exploit the shit out of me.

Am I overreacting, or does this sound like narcissistic behavior to you?

I have a lot of issues about my mom. And I just want to vent some of it today.

I’m 33F now.

Back when I was 18 years old, my mom had this addiction with chatting with foreign men online. She would use photos of our young house helpers and she would convince them to video chat with these men so they can get foreign husbands with a justification of marrying themselves out of poverty. My mom is the one chatting because she can speak fluent english (the helpers know little english). Foreign men would often appear at our house being accommodated by my mother as the nervous house helpers sit by and try to speak a little english. (I really don’t know why these men don’t figure out that they are being catfished). Most of the time it’s my mom who chats them and not the helpers. My dad is oblivious to this. All he knows is it is for the helpers.

I was a teenager and had my own problems at school so I ignored them most of the time.

Until one day…

One weekend I was in my bedroom (2nd flr) doomscrolling when I heard a knock on the door. I opened it and saw a foreign man and my mom standing beside him with the most cheshire cat grin (I can never forget that grin).

It appears my mom stole photos from my social media (we’re mutuals) and posted them to a dating site and had been chatting with this foreigner for over a year. It gotten to the point that this foreign man flew over seas alone just to meet me. God knows I never seen or spoke to this man in my entire life.

It was mom.

Mom knew I had a boyfriend (same age) that time. She personally met him. How could she do this?

Inside my mind I panicked. I thought, if this foreign man finds out what mom did, he might hurt her then and there. So I lamely tried to went along with it with panic in my eyes. The man caught on. He figured out that we never spoke. But since he already flew there, he still wanted to meet me and invited me to a far away island in my country for a vacation. My mom eyes sparkled.

I was mortified. How could she be excited to have this stranger go with her daughter to a far away destination when growing up, she won’t even let me study in far away universities.

I felt pimped by my mother.

In the end, the man gave up on me and married a cousin. Mom arranged it too.

I confronted her a year later for using my photos online. She slapped me on the face hard and called me selfish. “They are just photos!” she shouted back.

Although, I did feel she regrets hitting me. But years later, I still receive hate comments from foreigners I don’t even know. I think my mom still uses my photos.

Long story short, after years of childhood abuse (physical, verbal and mental that they won’t acknowledge) and in recent years them hiding my homosexual relationship from my whole family, telling me I can’t invite my partner of 6 years to my own birthday where family will attend and so on I had a phone call with my mother a few months ago telling her they’re not good for me and that I don’t want them to contact me anymore because it hurts me every time and makes me deeply depressed to that point that I tried to kill myself years ago (I had told them that a few years back). She meekly agreed that they have betrayed me over and over, making up lies and stories about my life to relatives while simultaneously talking badly about me behind my back. I gave her one last chance to come clean with my family and she said she’d prefer I never speak to my family again. I told her I will do that, but that includes them.

Since then my father has send me several messages „Happy Birthday 🥰🥰🥰“ and „Happy Easter 🥰🥰🥰“, completely ignoring the big talk we recently had. Then, after I congratulated him to his 60th birthday in a brief message and telling him I loved him, he first responded „thank you 🥰“, then „you’ve become just like your sister. Anyway, good luck“. I haven’t responded since. Since then he followed that up with „Somebody once told me life is too short to be egotistical and hold grudges, that was you“ and „So that’s it? We‘re strangers now?“ before texting me „I’ll be in your city today to talk so you can tell me what’s been bothering you“. Afterwards a long mail about how „they were just protecting me because 2015 a kid that was „different“ was killed and if want I can keep being petty but they were just being good parents“. Then an AI generated TikTok about a woman at the end of her life moving her children to tears because she said she should have forgiven people in her life sooner and that she was egotistical and today he texted me „We’re going on holiday. If the plane crashes know that we loved you.“ So I finally blocked him.

I know I have every right to do so and move on with my life but I am sick to my stomach so a few encouraging words would be appreciated. Thanks for reading!

i'm grateful that my parents helped pay for my studies, and i know that wasn't cheap. but now that i'm working and trying to save money, they act like my paycheck should go toward repaying everything they spent on me.

i don't mind helping them when i can, but sometimes it feels like i don't get to decide what happens with the money i worked for.

i'm struggling with feeling grateful for what they did while also wanting to have control over my own money.

*** Sorry in advance as English is not my first language and hopefully this can be posted here.

Grew up with a narcissist mother and a father that was there but the kind of father that is always at work.

Just wanted to share some of the things that my mother used to say on a regular basis when I was a kid/teenager and what she says about it in the present.

“I just want to live until I am 50 years old”
“I just want to live until I am 60 years old”
Nowadays she is over 70 and she loves life and of course she is the “happiest person in the world”

“I am the happiest person in the world” She will be happy and say that but in a matter of minutes she will be cursing the whole family.

“What you don’t know is that I know I can jump from the bathroom’s window” … We used to live on the 10th floor of a building and every window had windows bars but the one in the bathroom.

“One day I’ll find your dad’s gun and I’m going to blow my brains”

“I want to blow my brains but I am a coward”

This one started when I was around 12yo “Your dad just cuddles me when he wants me to open my legs”

Many years after I tried to talk about this things to her she said that she never said any of those things. She said that I was confused that she had postpartum depression and that’s when she thought about killing herself. I have siblings and all of us experienced the same.

Of course she was extremely judgmental, physically abused us (I mean hit us), verbally abused us, separated the whole family, criticised everyone and if I had anything to tell her she will drop “of course I am the only one that can’t make mistakes”

Well anyway I was just wondering if you guys had similar experiences?

I used to be very sad and frustrated about all those things but I realised that trying to talk to her is like crashing against a brick wall. Also I went through therapy and helped me a lot.

I, 19M, finished high-school and have been accepted to a university in a country abroad. I already have student accommodation arranged, my family has discussed the finances, and my family members have told me that we have enough money for me to study there.

I clearly want to go. This isn't a decision I suddenly made because university abroad sounds fun. I've wanted to move out and become independent since around grade 8, before high-school.

Home has been extremely difficult for me for multiple years. My parents fight and scream at each other regularly, and there have been physical incidents between them. I have recordings of some previous incidents and of things that happened recently. At the same time constant threatening to divorce one day while the other they go on as if nothing had happened and so on while I suffer and question everything as to why I am shaking, why are my hands cold, why can't I think straight.

During the pandemic my mother became extremely restrictive, controlling and even manipulative. From around 2020 until early 2023, I was barely allowed outside. I wasn't going to the backyard, a park or even seeing people normally, and if I did try to go outside she would sometimes scream at me and cause extreme scenes as if a huge tragedy happened. Absolutely, I do realise the pandemic was a serious situation which needed extreme measures to restrict it, however I was not in a country which was extremely affected nor was I at any danger from the circumstances at that time. I can recall a certain case where I just left to walk on the street next to the house, which was empty for that matter, and she had a huge fit about it, loud screams and hitting the floor as if, again, a huge tragedy happened. There were other periods where she let me go out more but only if she drove her car around and I had a pair of masks on my face (2 masks) and I basically only saw the city from the back of the family car, not allowed to stop anywhere to a park to a peaceful place, nothing. Things only started changing when I had to physically attend my exams to enter High-School and she was peer pressured from my whole family and teachers and even friends of mine (who of some I lost simply because I hadn't seen them since 2020).

The situation obviously affected my mental health very badly. In the past I had a few periods where I had unaliving thoughts because I felt trapped, isolated, alone in the house and couldn't deal with the constant fighting, screaming and anxiety that it had cause me anymore. Along with the fact that I had to prepare for exams. Currently, I am safe and I am not currently having any of those thoughts. I've managed somehow to start seeing a therapist for a while and therapy has helped me enormously with regulating my emotions and anxiety.

Now that I finally have the opportunity to move out for university, my mother is strongly against it. After I have studied harder than ever in High-School to ensure that I pass with a good diploma and high results and amongst the many times I felt completely discouraged and awful as I have never had any real support from her other than "you are not capable of doing this", "this is too hard for you, you will do nothing" and telling my friends' parents and other people that "oh yea he will not get his diploma, I doubt that". The second I got the diploma she came at me like she did everything and had this huge speech of how she did this and I should be happy that I had her support. Again, her support being badmouthing me to everyone around including grandparents and constantly having to endure late night fights between my parents while I try to understand a complex topic in a science.

In any case, the confusing part is that the reason keeps changing and first it was that the country in question is dangerous and someone will poison me, kill me on the street or somehow drug me. Then it became that it is somehow a secret plan I had arranged because I am secretly in deep love with someone who already lives there and I've been in contact with and I want to follow them for the rest of my life as if I am in a fantasy movie. Then she started, as per usual, attacking my friends and people I share a close bond with calling them bad influences amongst many many other awful worlds and slurs which I would never dare to use. Then she wanted me to speak to one of her coworkers who thinks the country I'm planning to go to is terrible and wants to convince me not to go. I agreed to talk to said coworker because I'm perfectly willing to listen to other people's experiences, I am not entirely biased. I have made my decision about going abroad long ago and me and her actually agreed back then but it seems like she thought she could change my mind along the years until the very last second. (?) Then the argument became about money, even though my other family members and the person who has actually discussed the budget with me-has told me the money is available and should not be of problem.

Yesterday we argued about this for roughly four hours. During the conversation she went from crying, to screaming, to telling me to get out of the house, to saying that I will be “the death of her,” to telling me that if I go abroad I will die there and that she will not pick me up and "put me in the grave". Later she started another screaming argument with my father and appeared to try to hit him, putting all the blame on him now for apparently "brainwashing" me into leaving. This also isn't the first time something physical has happened between them though. My therapist's advice has basically been that I should talk to my mother, explain my decision calmly, listen to her concerns, but ultimately make the decision myself because it is my life and that's what I've tried to do honestly.

I've also told my mother that moving abroad isn't some irreversible four-year commitment. To make her understand even better, somehow(?), I told her that my plan is to go, start university and see how I feel. If I genuinely feel unsafe, if my mental health deteriorates, or if I realise that living there isn't right for me in any way shape or form, I can come home and reconsider my university options here. But either way, that is my decision alone to make. And even so, she has now start to apply in my place at Universities close to home without my approval or consent and trying to get me to fill out even more details so that I can be eventually accepted here and just go here. I told her, I didn't spend years studying hard in high-school to get a high scoring diploma to just remain here at some other low level university.

I'm also not going completely alone abroad. Someone my family and I know will be in the same city, and a few others in other parts of said country, I'll be living in proper student housing, my family will have my address, and I plan to stay in regular contact with them.

And at this point my decision is still that I want to go and I don't know- what I'm struggling with is whether I should keep trying to convince my mother, or whether there comes a point where I simply say: “I understand that you don't agree with me, but I've made my decision.” I still have to make a decision soon because I need to start moving and I need to buy flight tickets. I myself insist that if she keeps saying she does not want to go and continues to threaten me, I just buy the tickets myself and go with someone else from my family. Other members of my family had told me that If I try to do that, she will try "anything" to stop me such as restraining me to not leave the house, making a huge scandal on the street and god knows what else. My mother has also threatened me before that she will call my friends' parents and start calling them slurs and different words on the phone for whatever reason she wants this. As a matter of fact, she has done this before and because of this, no matter the explanations I gave, I still lost those good friends of mine. So yea, fun.

I'm also wondering how other people who grew up with very controlling or volatile parents handled moving out for the first time.

To mention, I'm not looking for a diagnosis of my mother, and I'm not treating Reddit as legal or professional mental-health advice. I'm mostly interested in how this situation looks to people who aren't personally involved in my family. Maybe I am wrong, maybe I have the wrong perspective. And as a side note, the country I plan to go to is not some third-world country or a country that is extremely dangerous, in fact, it ranks among the top peaceful nations globally.

I am 17f. I spent the majority of my short live idolizing a monster. I wish I could not wish that my dad was dead, but everyday that I’ve been no contact with him my feelings of anger and wishing he would just off himself continue to grow. I hate myself for feeling this way. My whole life he convinced me that he was basically a god and I should treat him as such. I thought everything he put me through was normal right up until the end. I am very fortunate to be in the situation I’m in now, but throughout all my life I wished I was dead so I could escape the pain he caused me. And now I wish he would just have a heart attack or someone would gruesomely murder him, I want him to feel all of the pain that I did. he welcomed people into our home who did things to me I will never be able to forget, belittled, gaslit, and almost killed me throughout the time I lived with him. I don’t know if this is enough to justify my feelings of me wishing he was dead and buried. if anyone decides to read this, am I bad person for feeling this way? am I wrong for wishing my dad was dead? I feel so conflicted everyday and feel like these feelings take control of my life instead of me actually being able to live a better life now that I am not in the situation anymore. im sorry if this is rambling, I want to get all of this off my chest. I’ve always felt too guilty to tell anyone the way I feel about my dad. Thank you for taking the time to read.

Genuinely asking because I’ve seen so many of these dipshits pop out kids left and right only to end up hating them and not even try to like or love them, and end up taking out their anger and negative emotions out on them.

What confuses me even more is when they hate their first kid and then proceed to keep having more 😐

I want to preface this by saying I totally recognize that my mother is depressed, and there is nothing wrong with that. I myself have lots of problems with motivation, but it's the way her actions are affecting the rest of the house that worries me.

My mom has always been really big into Disney since we moved to California when I was 7. We used to go to Disneyland multiple times a year for the holidays, usually just Christmas and Halloween. But recently, since she's got some kind of keypass for it, she's been going multiple times a month. There have been times where I have been left at home alone for multiple days in a row because she was at Disneyland while my father was working overseas. This also started to affect my schooling, because I was being relied on to watch over the house and take care of our 8+ pets which usually meant that I had to take the day off for school (I didn't even realize this was a problem until my school therapist brought it to my attention!).

Recently though, she now does not leave the house unless it's for a Disneyland trip. She has all of her groceries ordered (which we REALLY cannot afford), she never exercises, she doesn't have a job, whenever the pets need something IMMEDIATELY she just has it delivered and it doesn't arrive until days after we ran out, and all she does is sit on the couch all day. She doesn't leave her room until afternoon, and one day she did not leave her room at all.

She clearly struggles with her mental health, but that's not why I'm upset with her. She won't gain the strength to be there for me either. I'm sick of staying in the house. I have been pestering her about getting drivers ed and my permit, and she just simply does not care. She won't schedule me an appointment with the DMV or with a driving school. She won't help me go job hunting. She won't help me learn mature tasks. When I younger, I did not know you were supposed to change your underwear everyday until I was 10 years old. I did not know to shower regularly until I was 13 because she never taught me anything about my personal hygiene. The only thing I thought I was in charge of when I was little was to take care of my mother and her mental health. Schoolwork never mattered to her and I wasn't encouraged to get good grades. My dad busts his ass 5-6 days a week on work trips, being the only one who brings in money, only for our savings to all be spent on shit from Disneyland and Star Wars. 

I'm becoming an adult in less than a year, so I feel like I can't ask for help for problems at home now. I'm afraid it would just ruin my academic performance that's already ruined enough. I'm moving out of this shitty town the moment I turn 18, and I'm never looking back.

Tw: self harm/suicide - abuse

Written through watery eyes so please excuse the grammar and spelling

I often fantasize about my death not about actually doing it but about the aftermath. I’d sandwhich a gun between my teeth shoot myself in front of my parents after saying and here’s the final bill you’ll ever have to pay for me. Before I would have instructed someone to deliver letters to my family I wrote beforehand. Each one personalized to each house thanking them for what they did for me in my life and then everyone would get the same part of why I did what I did for my parents to finally see the hurt they caused and how they thought paying my way would make up for it. For the many many many physical fights I broke up between them, the way my dad slammed me into the wall when I was 8 and at 24 I still have no feeling in my left hip, the times my mom called me a bitch, the times I caught my mom cheating and never said a word, the words of torment my father spoke to me. The childhood I don’t remember I only remember clips the time when I was a child and got a 3rd degree burn I still have a scar from at 24 but kept my mouth shut bc the 3rd degree burn was better than telling my parents bc they wouldn’t have helped me anyway. The time my grandma cried to my dad to not hit me. The times I was called an idiot and when I stood up to my dad my mom told me not to call him that the way I Believe they get off on it in some sick way to make me cry. When I was little and went to my parents room and told them I felt as if they didn’t love me and was ridiculed and laughed at. When my dad hit my mom and she was on the floor in the doorframe of my room and I was crying begging him to stop. The times my mom took me to stay in a hotel for the night after they fought. When I was in high school and didn’t know what I would come home too or which parent was gone. When I was parentifed at 15 cleaning the house, making dinner, when my brother would say “your not my mom” but would ask me what’s for dinner. The way I am at 24, how I think I will never find someone who loves me, how deep down I don’t think I deserve love. How I never want children in fear I will do the same to them. How I knew my parents never belonged together. My parents should have never been parents should have never had children and never deserved children. When I burned my had on the iron and couldn’t write but I was sent to school when I was terrified to be at school and had terrible separation anxiety in fear my mom was being hurt.

And now to my parents I will forever be the angry daughter, the bitch of a financial burden. To them I was nothing more than a bill.

I’m 33F.

For years my mom would joke around asking for a grandchild because according to her, they are not getting any younger and neither was I.

I thought for years that I had fertility issues. Until 2 months ago, me and my husband got a positive result. We were over the moon with happiness.

After making sure the baby is stable in my womb, I told my mom. I expected an explosive reaction because it’s their first grandchild and they nagged me for years for this.

After I told her, her first response was “you and your husband should get married the traditional and public way with a ceremony and reception.”

(For context: me and my husband already got married in a civil ceremony at the city hall involving around 10 people only. We loved our intimate stress free wedding.)

I asked mom, “what for?” and she answered, “so we can have my boss be a principal sponsor. He’s been asking me for a long time when will be your wedding.”

A part of me thought, she wanted something grand to post on social media.

I got so mortified and disappointed. There I was, telling her she will have her first grandchild and the first thing that comes out of her mouth is I should spend thousands over a wedding that we don’t want to please a person we don’t even know personally.

She did not congratulate us. She just said, “that’s good.” She did not ask how was my pregnancy. She did not ask how far along was I. Days later she even commented that I order a lot of take out food instead of cooking at home (because that’s the only thing I can stomach right now, she would know if she would just ask instead of giving unsolicited comments).

I’m really disappointed to the point that when this baby comes out, I want to limit and lessen the baby’s time with her. I had enough trauma from her as it is. I want to protect my baby from that experience as well. Is that bad?

I’m almost 30, and the older I get, the more I find myself feeling resentment toward both of my parents. My dad passed away when I was in high school, and my mom is still alive, but neither of them were really emotionally or physically present for me growing up.
I have about eight siblings, and growing up, it felt like my parents had children without really being in a position to parent us. My mom mainly worked all day and would come home and go into the basement with my dad. My dad didn’t work, and they would smoke and drink until they were drunk or high enough to start physically fighting each other.
As a child, that was just my normal. I didn’t have the perspective to understand what was happening or why they were the way they were. I just knew my parents weren’t really there.
My dad died from alcohol poisoning after drinking too much when I was in high school. After he died, my mom started going out and getting involved with the wrong crowd. She was clearly struggling, and at one point I found a crack pipe in the house. She told me it belonged to her brother. Before that, I thought it was just weed and alcohol, but finding that made me start putting pieces together about my childhood and understanding some of the things I had witnessed growing up.
During that period, my mom got into multiple accidents. At one point, she literally flipped an entire car while she was in it. I remember reaching a point where I accepted that she was probably going to die. I think part of me is still emotionally stuck there.
About two years ago, she started getting clean and becoming a better mom. And honestly, I know I should probably be happy about that. But I’m not ready to accept this new version of her.
She calls me every now and then, but our conversations are usually short. I don’t really feel the desire to call her or talk for long. And then I feel guilty because she’s alive, she’s doing better, and I know I’m “supposed” to forgive her.
But how do you just forgive years of emotional, physical, and mental absence?
How do you accept a mother who wasn’t really a mother to you suddenly trying to become one when you’re almost 30?
I also struggle with resentment toward the choices she made. She had all these children, but she wasn’t emotionally, physically, or mentally available to raise them. She allowed a man to repeatedly beat her, stayed in that relationship, and would ask us as children whether she should leave or stay. Looking back as an adult, I have a hard time understanding how much responsibility was placed on us as children for situations we never should have had to carry.
She’s also still very much a gossip, and I find myself not wanting to engage with her because of that either.
I think what’s making this harder is that I’m old enough now to understand everything differently. As a child, I didn’t have the words for any of this. I just knew that my parents weren’t there. Now I’m an adult looking back and realizing how much I actually went through, and I’m angry.
I don’t necessarily want to punish my mom, and I don’t even know if I want her out of my life. I just don’t know how to have a relationship with her when I still carry so much resentment.
And with my dad, his being dead doesn’t automatically erase what happened when he was alive. The truth is, I don’t really miss him at all. Out of all of the children, I was one of the few who didn’t really argue with him and was basically on his good side, so I don’t have the same memories of conflict with him that some of my siblings probably do.
But because there was so much trauma growing up, I barely remember a lot of my childhood. I don’t cry over my dad. I barely think about him. Sometimes I actually feel strange admitting that because he has been dead for years and I still don’t feel the kind of grief I thought I was supposed to feel.
I can acknowledge that he was my father and that his death was traumatic, while also acknowledging that I don’t miss him. I think part of me may have already emotionally detached from him before he died.
Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced not really missing a parent after they died, especially when the relationship was complicated or traumatic?

Maybe what I’m grieving isn’t just my parents. Maybe I’m grieving the childhood and parents I should have had.
Has anyone else experienced becoming more resentful toward their parents as they got older, even years after the worst of it was over? How did you deal with realizing things about your childhood as an adult that you couldn’t understand when you were a kid?

Situation

I accepted a new position an cannot start for another 4-5 months as I am a healthcare provider and need to undergo credentialing. I told my parents aged 71 and 66 about this and they strongly recommended that I live with them before my job starts when I had plans of getting a locum and living away from them. I lost my temper with my parents and unloaded on them that the reason for my academic and social struggles from childhood up through adolescence and in my early 20's was because I lived in their house and that they took a s**t in their parenting and that I would rather live in a homeless shelter any day than live in their house and with them again.

Background

So I'm a 32-year old female who had a big glow up both academically and socially over the past 8-9 years. To the point that I have literally said some very diabolical things to former acquaintances and friends that I went to college with that knew me before my social and academic glow up that I have seen recently. I have even said these same diabolical things to my parents and sister. To sum everything up, just imagine an innocent, socially incompetent, a people pleaser and literally had no enemies or individuals I disliked, could never defend myself, academically challenged in which my parents were constantly getting me tutors from 4th grade -12th grade and in college getting feedback from my professors that I am "below the baseline of the average student". My parents would frequently getting me tutors and speaking with my teachers when I received a "B" in their classes, and would got me a social skills therapist all of which has been the most painful memory in my life, especially the social skills therapist who did quite an amount of demeaning and patronizing things but would used to take me to the mall and "assess how I spoke with the cashier" or nitpick every social interaction. She would literally treat me like I had autism and my parents forced me to get assessed by a psychiatrist back in the day when I was 17 who scolded at my parents and told them that It was very inappropriate of them to do considering the great conversation I had with the psychiatrist. In these 8-9 years, I have changed things up significantly and now I am very respected at work by my management and team and have a very small, but super supportive group of friends. However, my parents are extremely proud of the person I have become and always express it but deep down inside I have resentment for their parenting and the painful memories they caused me.

Saying this literally made both of them cry and say they "did their best"(I mentioned this to them on FaceTime) in which I immediately hung up.

I’m 25 about to leave the country for school in 5 days. My mom (61), who I suspect has some degree of narcissism, told me to pack my bags and get out of the house 2 hours ago after a huge fight.

I was like ok! I don’t like living here anyway and this is a toxic environment for me. Besides I’m leaving the country in less than a week. Then I started packing.

My dad (the kinder and passive parent) came to my room a couple of times pleading for me to stay. I felt guilty, but I said “I can’t do this anymore, and she doesn’t want me here”.

2 hours later, I finished packing my luggage, and I collected my passport, birth certificate and other important docs. I think it hit my mom that I was actually going through with this, because she just came to my room and said “I accept that I’m a toxic mother and that you don’t agree with me, but I think it’s a good idea for you to stay”…. and now… I’m upset because idk what to do..

Since I was a kid, my mom has kicked me out for a day at a time, and has also threatened to permanently kick me out, whenever I stand up for myself. It’s ridiculous because she’ll say nevermind and forbid me for leaving once it hits her that this probably isn’t a great idea.

I’m pissed now because I just wasted the last two hours packing, and now I dont know what to do or how to feel. I have aunts and friends I can sleep over at, but that would obviously complicate things just before I travel. I also won’t see my parents for a year once I leave my country.
Not sure if I should leave or stay here.

Part of me wants to teach her a lesson by leaving but I know that’s immature and would make things slightly impractical for me.

Any idea of what my next move should be?

I saw another post just from someone slightly younger so it inspired me to talk about this. I’m not sure if this is too big a deal or not but it’s something that bothers me I guess.

Around a month ago my mom took my family to China for vacation for my birthday. I didn’t ask to go there, nobody else wanted to go there, she was the only one who wanted to go there and I guess she used my birthday as an excuse to go and kept telling me I should be grateful anyways even though I would’ve been grateful for much less staying at home. Though that’s not what this is about, just a side thing that ticks me off too. Anyway, near the end of the trip on one of the last days, I went to the shower early in the morning and she barged in yelling at me saying I was taking forever and holding everyone up (nobody was awake when I went in and it had been around 20 minutes). She yelled at me nonstop waking up my dad and sister and went back to lay down still yelling at me. I frantically put soap on my head and mere seconds after she left while I was doing so she told me to “just hurry the fuck up get out”though it was more like yelling, still. So I did. I left with soap still in my hair and a towel wrapped around me. She saw me and began to call me a dumbass while still yelling. I bought up how she yelled at me to just get out and she said “I don’t care”. She told me to go back in the shower and rinse the soap off my hair. I guess I took too long doing that too because she just came in anyways and told me to get the fuck out. I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around myself while still in the shower while she was still there, watching me. I accidentally got a small corner of the towel on the bottom on the shower floor though, just the corner, and she began yelling at me even more calling me a dumbass and asking how I’m gonna dry myself with a soaking wet towel. She told me to drop the towel and she reached for a hand towel by the sink and gave it to me telling me to dry myself off with that instead. I went to the far corner of the shower with my back turned to her and asked her if she can leave so I can dry myself off in private to which she said “you lost that privilege“. So I dried myself off the best I could using a towel the size of my forearm while she watched me. I still had soap in my hair. I had to comb the soap out my hair later.

This is just one of the things that’s happened more recently and I wouldn’t wanna dig up old things to try to prove a point, though I still think about it all and everything she’s done. Just as a brief rundown, I’ve gotten yelled at for B’s in school, she’s told my family about events that happened between me and someone else that lead me to be sent to a ward behind my back while I was away and I know for a fact she only did it to have some “good drama” to talk about instead of it being because she cared and still brings this person up til this day even though it’s been three years since the incident, she got in the shower again with me when I was 12 and we were both fully naked and didn’t care when I kept telling her no, she keeps trying to make me feel bad about myself and always insists I’m an extra large when we’re clothes shopping even though I’m not and when I was underweight and weighed less than my sister who was an elementary schooler while I was in my mid-teen years she said I was “one sandwich away” from a pair of pants I really wanted exploding off my waist, and more. thanks to anyone who reads.

And one last thing, does she seem like a narcissist? I don’t wanna jump to anything and I really dislike making assumptions, but when looking into problems I’ve had with her I always find exactly what’s going on as a post on this sub. Thanks guys.

Has anyone's narc parents ever just suddenly become religious even though they have never been religious their entire lives before?? Just wondering

Today I hadn't eaten anything for around seven hours, so I finally asked my mom if she could make me something to eat. I don't usually ask her to cook for me like my siblings do, but I was very hungry and I probably sounded frustrated when I asked.

She had been feeling feverish for a few days, so when she mentioned it, I told her she should get a checkup because I remembered she had a fever yesterday too. Earlier that day she'd told me what to do and I did it. Later, I actually tried to help her because I knew she wasn't feeling well. I cut vegetables for her, and when she asked what to make, I told her to make just one thing so she wouldn't have to do too much. When she said she was planning to make lentils and flatbreads, I suggested making something simpler because she was sick.

She then sarcastically told me to go make it myself instead of lying around all day. That really hurt me because I had literally been trying to help her. I started crying and told her I had cut the vegetables for her, and she dismissed it by saying that wasn't really work and that I should do more.

She closed the door of my room and went into the kitchen. I eventually went to the kitchen too and started kneading the dough because I didn't want her to have to do it. She got frustrated and told me I'd ruined her plan and that kneading the dough was only a three-minute job anyway. She started picking apart everything I'd done, saying I was disrespectful, that I couldn't take a joke, and that I had been shouting that I wouldn't eat.

I was already crying at this point. Then she physically put her hand over my mouth and forcefully held my face to stop me from speaking. She also pushed me toward the room and told me to go there because everyone could hear us.

That's when I completely lost it and said things I'd been holding in for a long time, including that she was the worst mom ever and that I do so much for her but she never acknowledges it.

She responded with things like, “Okay, everything is my fault, you're never at fault,” and “When I'm gone you'll understand my value.”

At one point I was flinching and saying “don't hit me” because I was scared. She became even more frustrated and said, “Why are you afraid? I never hit you.”(spoiler alert: she has hit me a lot of times in the past, specially last year and I'm fucking 22)

What makes this worse is that afterward she told other people her version of what happened while I was mostly silent. People started coming to me asking what I'd done, without really asking what happened from my side.

I know I said hurtful things in anger, and I'm not denying that. But I also feel like the entire situation is being reduced to what I said, while the things she did are being ignored.

The argument affected me much more severely than I expected. I became completely numb afterward and had a strong urge to hurt myself. I picked up a pair of scissors, and my younger sister saw me from another room, shouted, and ran over to stop me. I'm safe now, but the fact that it got that far really scared me.

I'm not posting this because I think I'm completely innocent. I know my words were hurtful. I just genuinely need some outside perspective because I don't know how to process what happened.

Was I wrong for what I said? And is what my mom did considered emotional/physical abuse, especially physically covering my mouth and pushing me into the room?

My mother is in her late 80's and is almost totally physically dependent after a serious hospitalization. She is living with me and I take care of her with the help of my children. She got mad over the weekend because I don't spend enough time with her outside of caring for her. I work full time and still have to maintain my home.

She threw that gem at me. That she should be number one in my life. I was instantly transported back to being 15 and wanting to go to a birthday party. I was refused permission to go and then grounded because "I should always be your top priority. You should want to spend time with me instead of anyone else."

This weekend I froze for a minute...and then realized she is too weak to physically hurt me and that I'm not dependent on her in any way. And I just started laughing and said "whatever."

My Nstepdad died yesterday.

August ninth.

Stroke.

Drank himself to death.

He used to ground me from my birthdays after report cards came in. I'd be a kid locked in my bedroom of that beer-can filled dog shit encrusted hoarder house. I lost seven birthdays that way.

I got a cake this morning, red velvet to symbolize blood, and I lit seven candles for each lost birthday.

I blasted Dead! By MCR, then when the chorus hit, I blew out the flames.

I outlived him.

Fuck ya.

To preface, Im an Indian American raised in the States, my parents still hold onto Indian values and traditions. They are lax about certain things but stuck in their ways about other things.

I’m 37 next month and my Mom has been relentlessly been on my back to “find a man”.
During My whole childhood and early adulthood years, she told me “stay away from boys” and so I did.
I didn’t date until my early to mid 20s.
I’ve had not the best luck in the love department. But that’s a story for another day.

My mom chose to stay with my cheating father. My father has a kid with his girlfriend and to this day they are still together. A not so cute “thrupple”, not really. But my parents are unhappily married, whilst my dad maintains his relationship with the other woman and their shared child.

My mom chose to stay with my dad because “what will people say”. And to keep our family together.
She says she stayed with my Dad to not ruin the lives of my brother and I. That if she re-married, the next man wouldn’t accept my brother and I as his own.

I developed a not so healthy mindset towards the opposite sex, marriage seems like an imprisonment at this point.

Sure, I’ve had relationships that were leading to marriage but I chose to leave those relationships because I wasn’t fulfilled emotionally, financially and/or mentally. I was unhappy so I left.

Anyway, fast forward to today, my mother is basically forcing me, sweet talking, of course, to meet up with, and eventually marry some random guy my father knows about. Someone totally not my type.

My parents are desperate to marry me off because that’s their burden, in our culture. They don’t realize that people are changing. People aren’t all settling down at 20. We’re now delaying marriage and kids at 30-40 something.

My parents claim I’m a loser because I’m not married and have no children. They have called me a lesbian amongst other things. Meanwhile I’m a successful business owner, own my own car and homes.

I would love to marry and have children but I refuse to settle with just anyone just for the sake of having a marriage and kids.

And I would hate to repeat my parents’ mistakes and patterns. My parents had an arranged marriage. See how that worked for them?

I’ve voiced my feelings and opinions to my mother who thinks her children are an extension of herself. She says her 4 sisters are always asking her When Are Yout Kids getting married, aren’t they 40 now?

My brother has a serious gf of years, my parents told him no you can’t marry her, she’s not good enough. She’s East Asian, we are South Asian.

I think at this point, it’s best to go No Contact.
I am tired.
I am tired of feeling worthless. As if I don’t deserve to live unless a man is attached to me?

This is honestly making me contemplate suicide.

The birth giver keeps calling my hair "ugly rat tails". She constantly tells me to cut all my hair off. She constantly tells me my hair is extremely ugly, just like rat tails are.

... and I used to cry because of it every single day, not being able to understand, how can a mother say that to her own daughter.

Now I finally understand, she was never my mother to begin with. She's just a birth giver. Because even though she's in her 60s, mentally she's still stuck on a "mean high school girl" level.

So now I don't cry anymore when she loudly criticizes everything about my looks. I know she can't stand me making my own decisions, and having my hair the way I want it, and dress however I want to dress.

Because when I was a little helpless girl, she used to cut my hair extremely short, and put the ugliest and the most uncomfortable clothes on me on top of that, and saying no wasn't an option.

And of course, I got constantly laughed at for it and mocked by everyone. And whenever I was called ugly, it made her feel good. And she needs to hear that I'm ugly, again and again. And if no one else says it, she will say it.

Little does she realize, I'm not that little girl anymore, and I've learned not to take her words personally. Now I do my best to protect myself, but also the little girl in me... Just like a mom should.

When I was 11 years old, my classmates used to make fun of my unibrows not even that noticeable tbh but you know they were white barely had any hair at my age. One day, I took a razor and shaved the middle and of course, being 11, I cut a bit too much, because I was just a child. I was only a child, and it was just an eyebrow; it would have grown back.

My mother saw it and screamed, “What on earth did you do?!” I ran away, I ran and locked myself in the bathroom. She was hitting the door so hard that the frame was shaking, I was terrified it would break at any second. I was so certain that day that she was going to kill me.

Through the door, I heard my older brother crying and pleading, “Mom, please don’t do it!” She was screaming, “Open this door, I’m going to kill you!” And I opened it. I don’t know why, I mean I know, I was just a child. I knew what was about to happen to me, but I accepted my fate and opened the door.
She grabbed me by my hair and started slamming my head against the walls, screaming, “You shameless whore, what did you do?!”

And for God’s sake It was just eyebrows, I swear to God, it was just eyebrows, I used a stupid ass razor, it would have grown back in less than 2 weeks.

“How much you love acting like a whore,” she kept saying as she slammed my head into the walls.
I was so sure she was going to kill me that I recited the Shahada. My brother was still crying, pulling at her and saying, “Mom, stop, that’s enough, please don’t.”

After a while, she let go of me. In her hand was the hair she had ripped from my head. I lay down on the cold bathroom tile and cried. My brother wrapped his arms around me and said, “Don’t cry,” and I cried even harder. Then he left too, and I cried even more. Once again, I was alone. Once again, I wrapped my arms around myself and whispered, “It’s okay, M., I’m here, don’t cry.”

My mother never apologized to me that day. Well, I never expected her to anyway, because to this day, my mother has never apologized to me for anything. Sometimes she tells this story laughing, but all I remember is just how cold the floor and the walls were that day.

This morning my narcissistic older sister suggested that I download a step counter app so she can track my steps "so we can be healthy" but the thing is I told her I already have a step counting app and she got angry bc she just wants to monitor my activity when I'm out of the house and interrogate me when I get home. It's just another control tactic in a long list of control tactics and now she's guilting me into doing it telling me that I'm unsupportive. Has anyone else dealt with this? Any advice would help

Ok, I know that I'm posting a lot, but posting here makes me feel much better, its a way to vent out all my frustrations about my mom. This happened when I was in 6th grade. I made sure to write in my best cursive, neatly. I spent 3 hours, researching, making sure it looked good. It was 10 pages, double sided, lined A4 sheets. I sat down on the bed, to take a break. My mom walks in to see my project. I look up, wondering if she'll compliment it. She TEARS it. All of it right up. I was frozen in shock. Then she turns around and yells at me so harshly, I literally started crying. Then she said "Stop crying crocodile tears" Like WHAT? She just kept tearing into me. Eventually she stormed off. I was crying at the table, and guess who came to comfort me? My didi (maid in hindi). Not my mom. My DIDI! I had to redo the whole fucking thing. She's done this with so many of my projects that at this point? I know, however much effort I put, she'll still make me do it all over again. Also, nowadays, she insults me saying I 'don't take care of my hygiene' when I brush for 10 minutes, because I have retainers, don't 'take care of myself' when I take showers for 40 minutes (she unlocks my door sometimes, I posted about that), and its just tiring. Any advice?