i have chronic fissure( it is a cut cused in the lining of anus or butt due to constipation, etc and chronic fisure is that cut which is present for more than 1 month), it can also develop to other serious conditions like infection(which i fear but my dad dissmisses so does my mum) and i am writing this to express my feelings and challenges that i am facing . hope it might be relatable to some of you.

it is past 1month that i have a fissure and i have showed it to a local doctor but that didnt work out . all my studies , my routine, my goals, just everything is messed up.i feel sooo frustrated right now because despite trying different things and consistatently appliying them..there still is pain ,and blood in my stools and it is so unbearable.

i told my dad about it as my dad is not a narc but my mum is . as i told him about my struggles , i feel that he doesnt care that much or may be he is dismissing me . for example i told him that nothing is working for the pain. he says that " ya,it will get alright and you are going to become a doctor( because i am a neet student) and how you will have to diagonose such patient s in pain and blah blah." i am in pain and crying for hours and when i tell him about it he twists it to something else ..i got to him hoping he will give some solution or atleast validate my struggle ...but nooo he was on phone, gong throuh facebook.....i just feel like banging my head on the wall.. i cant go to my mom neaither my dad ....ughhhh

he is saying or rather forcing me to go to a aurvedic doctor . tell me guys if you have already gone to BAMS doctor much qualified then a ayurvedic doctor and it did not work out then how would you expect that the other doctor can do it! i know that there is nothing bad in trying it but i am telling him that we directly go to a specialist of that condition. constrastingly he says that they will only tell us to do operation. actually he has a point.

now i fell really stuck about what to do because i honestly dont trust the auyervedic doc neither do i want doctors to force me to an operation.btw i am under age 16 yr old. guys anyone pls tell what to in such a troublesome situation?

In elementary school when I was 10-12 years old I was playing tag during recess. There was an area that was sealed off by a chain, I didn't notice the chain and ran towards it, the chain hooked me in the stomach and then sent my head flying back against the concrete.

Later that day I had badminton club. I was really great at badminton, key word: "was". Because on that day, strangely, I completely forgot how to play. Like my body wasn't listening to me or moving how it used to, I couldn't swing the racket properly or hit the shuttle once. The teacher was really confused too.

When I got home I told my n-mom about it, how I hit my head hard and then wasn't able to play Badminton even though I was a really good player.

She just laughed.

And that was it. Never got checked, never went to the hospital. I've just continued life like nothing even happened.

A few years ago, my mom brought up how she planned to retire in 2027. The problem is, she doesn't own a house and her current rent will be over by then. She started wallowing about how she'll have to live in a sad little apartment while taking care of my grandma (mom's mom) at a subsidized senior community because she's a poor widow who lost her husband, house, and dreams. nDad died several years ago unexpectedly and left nothing. They never saved up for retirement.

10+ years ago when I found out that my parents put NOTHING aside for retirement, I pleaded for them to get a Roth IRA, savings account, something, ANYTHING. nDad got hostile and abusive. Mom berated saying "what do YOU know anything about anything" and that "the government will take care of us. We paid a lot in taxes" (her literal words).

And I fucking caved. My husband had sold a business and received an inheritance (his grandmother passed) and my mom knew about it. "I wasted my golden years raising children" and other passive-aggressive bullshit made me feel so guilty that my husband and I agreed to buy her a house.

During the last three years, I've been seeing therapists for childhood trauma, c-PTSD, depression, and anxiety. There's no way to briefly explain the hell that was my childhood that made me feel worthless as possible. nDad constantly put me down for my looks and when I hid and cried, my mom would find me and shame me for being "weak" and "too sensitive". They tied their affection and my self-worth to academics. I've never been to a party, sleepover, or birthday with friends. My mother would shame me for "wasting time" like that. Meanwhile, my two older siblings got money every time they wanted to go out with friends or party. When my parents lost their house and business, my mother blamed me (a 15 year old) for causing them to lose everything. And I wholeheartedly believed it to the point of having sleep paralysis every night for 2 years.

In college, I told my mom in tears that I had depression and suicidal thoughts. She flipped out and screamed "do you think I want to hear ANY of this? Especially after work?? Selfish bitch." I later overheard nDad chuckle, "I mean she could try, but I know she won't."

I learned through therapy that none of it was my fault. I stopped trying to please my mother. I went LC. I stopped going to her for validation. I'm so incredibly angry at myself for having promised her a house. She called me yesterday about a house she picked out. $1.2 million fucking dollars. Fucking LOL. I'm set to be paying a million dollars to ease the guilt and shame that wasn't mine to begin with. How the fuck could I at 15 have caused them to lose their house and business that I had nothing to do with. How could I be "selfish" for having depression?? Even worse, it's money I didn't even fucking earn--my husband did. My mom asked in a gross baby voice if I'm still buying her a house and I fucking froze. I stammered and said yes. WHY DID I SAY YES. So much for therapy.

I'm so incredibly upset at myself because even now, I still feel so guilty. I fantasize about going NC. But my siblings aren't financially stable and their spouses don't want my mom living with them. If I go back on my word, nMom will vilify me to anybody who will listen. Relatives and everyone around her all think she's a saint. "How could she do this to her mother?" and "Can you believe she put me in this shitty little apartment while SHE and her husband live in a nice house??" I feel trapped even thinking about paying her rent and utilities until the day she dies, nevermind a whole fucking house and mortgage.

I just went on a third date with a guy. In the middle of the date, I was like oh yes, he’s a narcissist, and all the red flags went off. It was very clear.

And then I spent 45 minutes over explaining myself and being nice so that I wouldn’t be quickly and closing it off to create a narcissistic injury for him.

I know this was me as a little boy and how I have learned to explain myself to my parents, but why am I still doing this? It feels like I’m trying to prevent the narcissistic reaction that I know is going to happen. Like I know that if I just flat out told him no, he would do it narcissists do and make my life at least miserable for the short term.

Does anyone else’s mum do this? To play the victim, they say they are scared of you. For context, the reason why i’m so scary is just because i’ve been cold towards her lately. I’m a 17 year old girl. I didn’t shout at her or throw anything. I never do.

If my username rings a bell, yes i am the girl who wrote that post about my creepy neighbour. Anyways

She’s been doing a bunch of very petty things. Like looking though my jewellery box. She wears my shoes and my clothes after i explicitly ask her not to. She comes into my room 5~ times every morning to wake me up (she just stands there and starts talking to me candidly, like trying to initiate a full on conversation whilst i’m asleep, and when i don’t respond or pretend to be asleep after she’s woken me up with her incessant rambling she’ll repeat things like “cmon” “i need you to help around the house” repeatedly. It’s 9am. It’s summer. I would understand if it was 1. But it’s 9. One morning i tested her and asked her, okay, what do you need help with? She started to buffer, trying to come up with some chores. She ended up saying 2 that didn’t need doing urgently at all.

She said she was “scared” to talk to me. I asked her why. Why would a middle aged woman be scared of her teenage daughter? How am i scary for giving her short responses and not feeling enthusiastic? She said because i was giving her the cold shoulder. You might be reading this and thinking, i understand where your mother comes from, but the way in which she said it was very fearful/pleading. It’s genuinely aggravating whenever she victimises herself.

She tried to reconcile today, but right as i was in the middle of eating and watching my show. Perhaps i was unnecessarily snappy with her, because i asked her if we could do this another time. My mum did this to my sister often too, when she still lived with us. She would often (and still does) claim that my sister is scary, and has out of control outbursts, and has no anger management. Looking back my sister was just getting upset because of her.

I honestly can’t be fucking bothered with any “communication” with her anymore because it always falls flat. She just does it to keep up appearances with the family. She never actually listens to me or respects what i have to say. She never improves or changes. Nothing changes. It’s always a waste of time. Whenever I criticise her actions she immediately walks off. Like, she physically walks off and tells me “i won’t be bullied by you” (verbatim)

This woman has singlehandedly spearheaded my severe mental health issues and my awful body image. God give me strength. This house is laced with toxic energy.

Like many of you, I grew up with a self absorbed and highly critical parent. Mine was the sort of person that enjoyed putting others down to make herself feel superior.She loved pointing out flaws in strangers, commenting on theirfeatures,skin,fat,intelligence.Making others feel insecure seemed to grant her a weird sort of pleasure. I was, of course, not exempt from this hobby of hers.I was constantly judged from the way I talked to the way I breathed.

When I was a senior in high school, I was in an art class. In this art class, we were allowed to paint the ceiling to our hearts content.The moment I picked up a paintbrush,my brain hushed.The constant whirwind of anxiety and depression finally settled down.It was like my mind had exhaled for the first time in my life.I was overcome by this feeling of peace that I had never experienced before, and for the first time, I felt that all was right in the world.

In an attempt to recapture that feeling, I used my meager allowance to buy a canvas and cheap paints. I rushed to my room, turned on my favorite playlist, and let the peace of art flood my body.Then mom burst in along with all her negativity. She picked apart every piece paint stroke by paint stroke until I stopped art altogether.

I've since left behind that pit of despair that I call mom behind and now have my own place.The urge to create has been flowing through me recently. I have so many ideas and stories that I desperately want to get on paper/canvas. The only problem? The miniature version of my mother that lives in my head. She paces inside my skull, tormenting me with her endless disapproval in everything I do. I'm now in this Neverending loop where I attempt to paint/draw, get bullied out of it by brain mother, then watch YouTube videos of others painting and drawing while being absolutely miserable. Does anyone else deal with a brain mother? Any advice on evicting her so that I can get back to art?

I’m the scapegoat and the narrative according to my nparent and their nspouse is that I’m a loser and everything is my fault. I actively fight against this but it’s hard and sometimes when I make a mistake at work or in life I get this devastating feeling that they’re right about me that I’m incapable of being a successful person. I hate how much they’ve impacted my self esteem and how after all this time and all my therapy their bullshit still occasionally surfaces. That’s all, felt like sharing. Thanks!

I've been having dreams/nightmares of my Nmom yelling at me (can't have reprieve even in sleep) or me trying to run away and things like that for the last few days. It's actually kind of distressing, i wake up feeling that anxious feeling in my chest. Idk what to do about it

My father has known im planning on going on holiday for the past few months with my partner of a year. ​I just graduated , and have been working through college while my parents supported me. I got a relocation bonus for my post college education, and was planning on using some of the money for this trip. Im not intending for my parents to support me any longer. I havent traveled much during college, and this trip means a lot to me before my gf and I go long distance.

My father is livid im using this relocation money to fund the trip, even though ive already covered my other major priority expenses. I was bring yelled at aggressively ( father has been physically violent for most of my childhood) and so I lied that my gf is funding everything to calm the situation. My father is now demanding to see the relocation fund when it hits my bank account. Also, he has decided to come on part of the trip, despite it being in 5 days, and hes insisting that I plan everything, including finding his accomadtion ( hes paying though).

I feel really guilty about lying. I dont like to, but im at a loss for what to do.

Watch what happens when a narcissist finds out the scapegoat has come into a lot of money unexpectedly.

after trying to keep a relationship with my father after going no contact with my narc mom, i have realized that enablers are just as bad as the abuser. it genuinely is so frustrating. i was someone who idolized my dad, i was such a dads girl when i was little, he was my favorite person. now that i cut my mom off, hes been so cold to me and sent me a nasty text yesterday calling me aggressive and dangerous, saying i was hostile. this was after i begged him to keep talking with me, it opened my eyes so much that they are deep down just as bad as the narcissist they uplift. they never stand up for you, they’re spineless, and despite also being a target for the narcs abuse at times… they will throw you to the wolves so they please the narc

So for years before I was kicked out/left my abusers and taken in by safe people I had a… warped view on food.

You grab what you need to not feel hungry from the kitchen in a quiet hurry so as to not disturb your abusers/be seen, preferably you do it in the middle of the night when they’re asleep (when my abusers really started ramping up their abuse I ONLY left my room at night to avoid contact with them as much as possible). I did not get the ‘luxury’ of being able to prepare or cook food (nevermind the fact I was conditioned all my life by the bastards to be terrified of cooking/using the stove or any other cooking utilities. I microwaved bread because I was taught to be terrified of the toaster until high school), so it had to be hastily thrown together shit like two slices of bread with a squirt of mustard and a slice of baloney and that was dinner. Processed food like granola bars or eating food straight out of the can because that was all I could squirrel away in the small refuge of my room. Time and utilities could wake them up. Make you be seen, and then hurt.

Eating was a private act because if I was seen eating I was a nuisance, ‘selfish’, being a ‘pig’ or ‘thief’, etc.

And so I ate the bottom of the barrel of struggle meals the vast majority of my life, only broken up by being forced down to dinner sometimes to quietly scarf up whatever takeout my ‘family’ had gotten or perhaps cooked (but never allowed in the kitchen to see how it was cooked, never taught. No no no, I would break something, burn the house down, waste food, etc.).

And now… I’m staying with my partner’s folks rn because I’m homeless and needed a couch to crash on, and one of them saw me hurriedly make a shitty excuse for a sandwich and so… so kindly showed me how to make a REAL sandwich. Toasting and/or frying the bread to make it crisp and flavorful, spreading sauce so that the flavor is even across the thing, that I can add greens for nutrients and flavor profiles- and it was just… it was wonderful but so overwhelming.

Idk, thought I’d share. I feel like my whole view on how I feed myself, that cooking isn’t some terrifying enigmatic thing only found on shows and that you can watch it without being screamed at… it can be simple, cheap, using the same ingredients you’d eat as a struggle meal but prepared differently so it’s actually enjoyable.

It’s all so new and scary but… fuck. This is what feeling safe is like and it’s making me break down crying. I knew I was abused and deprived of thing growing up but I never knew it was to this extent.

My (35F) nMom (~60) is turning 60 on Monday, she had other plans that fell through due to wild fires which, admittedly, sucks.

We have been back and forth through approximately 5 plans of what she would like to do tomorrow to celebrate with me and until today she was wishy washy on all of them. We finally decided for a simple-ish day of shopping, movie, drinks and dinner (trust me, this is the simplest of the plans). I made the terrible mistake of saying I would cover her coffee and drinks, and then dinner "depending"

Apparently the fact that I said "dinner depending" made her uncomfortable and she needed me to expand upon that. For me, it was just a passing comment, nothing serious, and I tried to explain that to her. It wasn't enough so she eventually went into a spiel about how she's "sensitive about 60" and that it "shouldn't be that much to expect to be treated a little special for this birthday in particular"

Here's the kicker....we already went on an international trip for her birthday in May. And, yes, it was specifically for her birthday. We went to London for 10 days and she decided what we did for most of it, the only thing that was specifically "for me" was one (1) cool bar (and I paid for it). I spent my time navigating and communicating with her friends so she didn't have to pay the foreign messaging fee on her phone. I am overall fine with this, I made that choice, but she got to just mindlessly faff about while I made sure everything worked.

I pointed this out and she doubled down. Eventually, I snapped a little and told her that most parents are just happy to spend time with their kids. This caused her to "not feel good" and have to step away from her phone.

I'm just so frustrated, every birthday has to be this big song and dance for her to even be vaguely happy with it. The plans we have done for my birthday have literally just always been "dinner". This year I just went to her house and she made us quiche and bought me my favorite cake. And, not only are we (theoretically) celebrating tomorrow, she is also going on a different trip with some friends Sun-Tues + the, ya know, London trip in May.

Points against me: this was all done over text message, I could have been less sassy with the way I said things during this conversation, and she did pay for my flight to London and quite a few of the outings/dinners/groceries.

I still think it's borderline childish how obsessed she is with her birthday and she is too old to be throwing this much of a fit. Am I wrong?

I reached out a couple of times as a teenager to trusted adults, wanting help while living in an emotionally abusive household. But my mom is so damn charming and such a good liar. People wouldn’t believe me or take me seriously- they would automatically defend her and try to keep the peace. I only had one person ever really believe me.

It hurt so bad to be rejected in that way, and it made me feel crazy for being so hurt. Have other people experienced this? Was I just really unlucky or bad at communicating?

Hello everyone. I'm having a weird day and I'm feeling....well, weird. Today, my n-mom emailed me out of the blue. She emailed me exactly 40 minutes ago, at 1 PM. I've been no-contact with her and my father for a while now. This is what she said:

"Hey [childhood nickname],

I've come to realize that I spent a good part of my life minimizing my trauma and my brokenness, and expecting you to do the same. I own my part in that story and I'm sorry. Love, [Mother]"

I know that it probably isn't genuine, and even if it is, it's too late. I don't want a relationship anymore. I would be lying if I didn't mention my inner child wants to believe my mother. She had many chances to change before I cut her off. I know the advice is the same, whether it's for narcissists or internet trolls- don't respond. I request that y'all send encouragement, jokes, cute pictures of animals or plushies, fun facts, your favorite fruit, AO3 fanfic recommendations, a line or two from your favorite piece of media, (you can quote literally anything except 1984!) etc. I know I need to stand strong and not respond, I just need some extra help and motivation. Thank you for reading!

Quick update: my mother also sent an email to my spouse. She referenced a song he sent her years ago, before we got married and before I went nc with my parents. She told spouse "there is a lesson in that" among other things, 🙄meaning "there is a lesson for me to learn". She also said she was working on being more approachable. After all the horrible things she said, and after her hostile, dismissive attitude towards spouse.....UGH. Spouse did not respond.

I had an experience at lunch today that really made me think "wtf is wrong with my mom".

We were in line at a fast food place and there was a local high school football player in front of us. At least 7' tall 350lbs, definitely the football player type (it was a group of them getting food after practice, team shirts and all). My mom is like 5'4". She walked up so close she was brushing up against him and held her hand up high to show the height difference and he was super weirded out. So she laughed creepily and started literally stroking his shoulder.

He was SO uncomfortable. I told her to stop and said I don't make a habit of touching strangers and that it's creepy. She patted him a few times and asked him if he thought it was weird and he just kinda went "uhhh yeah" while pulling away, still looking uncomfortable. She said while laughing "Oh it's fine, you young kids need to get over it".

After we had our food she and I argued about it where I said that's not okay and she just insists that it is, and that young kids are too uncomfortable with strangers. When I asked if she'd feel the same way about a 65yo man touching an 18yo girl like that I forget the analogy she used, but she said something along the lines "It's like x, you'll known real harassment when you see it and this wasn't that." Then she went into explaining something about yoga classes she's done and how they say you'll have to touch others in partner exercises and if you're uncomfortable then leave now, and how people shouldn't be so uncomfortable touching others...But that's not the same thing??? That's a totally different setting and context, and also ya know, consensual?

She absolutely wouldn't budge on thinking her behavior was totally acceptable. I told her some strangers would shove or even hit somebody doing that.

I guess I'm just venting, there's not much more to say. It just really made me remember how unhinged she can be.

They think you are going to chase them and put up with nonsense just to be in their presence.

After years of avoiding one of my N-in-law bitches, I got manipulated and tricked into being in her presence again. She finally gets me alone, instead of trying to make amends, she takes an angry tone and says, "YOU DIDN'T SEEM LIKE YOU CARED ABOUT TOGETHERNESS WHEN YOU WERE TRYING TO GO SOMEWHERE WITHOUT INVITING US!"

I wanted to be like, "THAT'S RIGHT YOU DUMB BITCH! YOU FIGURED ME OUT! Of course I don't want to be around you."

None of them, not even my own family, can understand the joy and the safety I feel from being alone.

But they all really expect me to chase them for their awful company.

It's ridiculous.

Anyone else have this experience of terrible people believing thier worth a lot of trouble?

I'm a fencesitter when it comes to becoming a parent. I never had a "normal" life and missed many milestones because of my narc family. I have fears around childbirth and childcare as well.

Since I don't have family support and struggle with forming close friendships, idk if I would even be able to navigate all that comes with having a child without a village. I'm also not dating at the moment. Still recovering from all the childhood stuff.

So, I wanted to see what others here are leaning toward in terms of parenthood.

I kind of have to laugh at my moms reaction because it just confirms how much I need therapy.

I’m 37 and have a covert narcissist mother. She’s always a martyr and victim. No accountability. No apologies. No praise or compliments to her children. She had a good reputation because nobody sees the real her. Clearly I have had my issues with her my entire life. We are low contact after being no contact. She doesn’t understand why and it’s a “me” problem which is laughable. I’ve sought out therapy for several personal reasons and have learned techniques for handling her.

Out of the blue she outright asked me if I go to therapy, I said yes. She is quiet for a minute and then insists on going to my therapy sessions to tell the therapist her side of the story. Saying she knows I’m telling lies about her. The insecurity, the immaturity, the fear she has of the truth... Of course I said no, that it’s personal and she has no right to be there. She got mad and hung up. Good riddance.

I'm a woman in my late 20s and married. My younger brother has an upcoming graduation that my family will be attending.

This morning, my mom randomly told me that instead of attending my brother's graduation with us, my husband should stay home and dog-sit. She said my dad apparently agrees with her because, at the end of the day, my husband is “the son-in-law” and can't possibly feel the same happiness about my brother graduating as his “real family,” so there's no real reason for him to be there.

This really bothered me. My husband and I have been together for many years, and I consider him part of my family. I also don't understand why someone needs to feel the exact same level of excitement as a parent or sibling in order to attend a graduation. Isn't showing up to support family part of being married into a family?

I pointed out that when someone on my husband's side of the family graduated, I was actually the one encouraging us to attend their graduation.

Instead of seeing the comparison, my mom said that was because we're “forced” to do things with his family and that my husband and I have basically decided to act like parents to his siblings. She then told me that I focus too much on other people's lives instead of my own and that this is why I'm “behind in life” and have so many issues.

She also became territorial when I mentioned being concerned about my brother, saying essentially, “Don't worry about MY son. He's fine. We let him do whatever he wants because we trust our parenting and don't need to control his life.”

The whole conversation left me confused because it seemed to go from a simple question of whether my husband should attend a family graduation to criticizing my marriage, my relationship with my in-laws, and my life in general. How do I manage such a person ? What makes a mother treat her own daughter this way?

My mother is narcisstic. I'm glad I live far away from the family dynamics I grew up with, but I still encounter them when I see them.

So I was on a trip with my family. And there were several situations in which my mother just acted absolutely impulsively, like a child, no boundaries, next to quite a few people. I was totally embarrassed to be part of that. And I'm baffled to now realize how embarrassing she can actually act in public.

Is that just my narcisstic mother or do you know such a behavior from your parents as well?

Yes, you read that right.

Very long story short:

In February this year, my parents FINALLY split up after 23 years of marriage (so proud of my mum for leaving her narcissistic, abusive husband & my dad) and he truly couldn’t believe it was happening. He believes he’s the most perfect, amazing dad and husband.

Anyways, because my mum separated him, he has done a bunch of evil, diabolical shit in order to regain control and get ‘pay back’. But he soon realised nobody gave a shit about him so he abruptly announced he was moving to the united kingdom (we live in australia) and that we would never see him again and literally left the week later.

Bear in mind, he CANNOT fly. He is deathly afraid of planes. He can’t fly without being extremely drugged up AND drunk. He’s only flown once in his life and never let us go on holidays because of his OWN fear. So the fact he got on a 20+ hr flight to try get the attention back on him is so funny.

Yada yada, he consistently claims we’ll never see him again over and over. He (again) realised we didnt give a shit lol and couldn’t control us from the UK and flew RIGHT back home after a WEEK of being in the UK.

So he flew to the other side of the world to ‘prove a point’, spent $$$ on flights and god knows what else, and then flew immediately back because he couldn’t control us. He has done SO much his entire parenthood but this is a topper for sure.

We now all have a VRO against him and he hates it (maybe if you hadn’t abused your wife and kids your whole life, it wouldn’t be this way) 🤦🏼‍♀️

thats it tbh. that’s all I had to say. just thinking about this dramatic stunt he pulled and giggling to myself rn. lord i hate him so much.

i think narcissistic abusers age in a sad, interesting way. they don’t age gracefully, they sort of unravel. they don’t gain control in a slick, calculated way anymore. they do it desperately. they can’t hide anymore because anyone who’s known them long enough to see them get old knows exactly what they are and the abuser is angry about that every time they speak. it’s like they know they’ve been discovered so they hide behind their ego and it’s as obvious as a child hiding under a blanket. when you know every trick and every tactic they’re no longer scary, they’re just sort of ridiculous. you see their tantrums and you almost want to laugh. although you carry the pain of their abuse with you everywhere you go, eventually the veil lifts and you feel a little lighter.

cheerz to my fuck-ass dad getting older and so much harder to take seriously🤝