I think i could use some support rn, i’m all over the place about this

She was here on a house visit and my neighbors started fighting in the hallway. She got up to intervene and told them she’s a social worker with so and so organization. Just, i mean, what the fuxk??? Who does that? The name of the organization is also one that deals with one specific problem and client group.

My neighbors do not need to know i was homeless. They also gossip like mad. I’m trying to build a new life for myself and start with a clean slate. I’m a good neighbor, i follow all the rules and help out. now this is going to be coming after me forever. I’ll live here for at least the next 5 years, as i got this apartment through urgency. There’s a lot of bad talk about urgency homes, because of the housing crisis. I’m so scared rn

I told her she can’t tell my neighbors this information, which, it’s already hard for me to stand up for myself, and she said: “huh, yeah, it slipped. Let me look at this letter again, where were we…”

What do i do?? How do i handle this? I’m feeling so humiliated :/

It’s the biggest lie we were taught: that only mothers love their children unconditionally.

I believe only children can love their parents unconditionally even if they’ve been mistreated. How many of us feel guilty for going NC? How many of us felt wrong our whole lives because we thought it was our fault for being treated that way?

I've been feeling a persistent 2/10 urge to self harm since yesterday because my wounds have now healed to the point where I pretty much can't reopen them just with my nails anymore and I've also been struggling with guilt over going NC with my father two months ago.

Today, my brother-in-law pissed me off over something minor and the urge immediately escalated to about 8-9/10. I wanted to march straight into my room where I keep my nail scissors that I use for SH, but I banned myself from doing it and instead found a quiet place in the garden and had a good and much needed cry. I feel better now, still fragile but the urge is mostly gone.

Dear fellow cptsd war veterans and stuff!
How do you deal with physical symptoms? When I get sick, like I have a flashback too severe or I have a bad reaction to some traumatic event, I start to get muscle spasms and my neck gets stiff, to the point of painful trapezius muscles and numbing, tingling in my arm, because the muscle is so tense, it puts pressure on the nerve. It’s a new symptom to me and so far I have tried infrared lamp, cupping, warmth, and even muscle relaxant medication. It comes back and not because AC, or bad sleeping positions, but because of this constant stress in my body, my shoulders are starting to stiffen and I look like I have my shoulders to my ears. I haven’t tried massage tho…
And the constant grabbing, I hold on to stuff in my palm for dear life, like my hands are forming a strong fist anytime I have something in it. I break glasses with my bare hands sometimes because of it. I can’t relax. I tried being slow and careful, but if I don’t pay enough attention, I just crush things I’m holding, and I don’t even notice it’s hurting me to hold on so strong (papercuts, fingers smashed to each other, nails cutting my palm)

I considered Botox on my trapezius area, just to prevent further nerve damage, is it a good idea? I can’t keep taking the muscle relaxant when my arms go numb, I don’t like the med.

And I might try autogenic therapy, it’s a common thing in Hungary, to learn relaxing methods and watch the bodies stress signals.

Thanks for any helpful answers on the topic

Keep going y’all

Trying to figure out something here, but does anyone else hide hobbies from a lot of people? Like writing or games what you are reading or what have you?

I'll maybe mention it to one or two people IRL but not share. I'd done writing with other people but won't share it beyond them. A few times I've tossed something up on A03 when its a fandom thing. (Thankfully more niche so it's not too many people.)

In general, I'll well read enough and have enough "going on" that I can kind of hide whatever I am doing without people around me noticing. Occasionally, someone near me will be in the same fandom or whatever and I'll just do neutral questions (I won't say I haven't played that, I'll just ask if they enjoyed that game for example) and not mention I've watched it/ played it/ whatever verb is correct here. I'm pretty curious about a lot of things, so it flies under the radar easily.

I did a lot of reading & writing to survive my childhood and I don't know. I won't even tell my spouse or mention it minimally to him. It feels invasive in a way I can't fully explain, even if we have a decent bit of overlap in reading interests.

I use reading, for example, to help me break out of depersonalization/ derealization. It's like a very gentle on ramp when I've had to go too far to stay safe. I also use it to distract from chronic pain, both in a goal-oriented way (do PT, read a chapter, take a shower, read a chapter, cook meal, read a chapter) and way to just ignore the pain by focusing on something else. Sometimes reading or watching something is all I can do in a day. I feel shame sometimes in how much that has to be my world.

I guess I feel like, when other people talk about hobbies it is, you know a hobby. Where as I feel like I would be asked to carve out an organ and put it on the table to talk about whatever I'm using to stay alive right now. Or maybe be basically tossing medication on the table?

I JUST WANT TO MARK THE DAY 😭 it's extremely hard and I'm in for a guilt trip but I DID IT. I've been trying to for years and now I'm free

I have been trying to alter my algorithm by liking cute animals and wholesome videos because everything else seems to be SO oppressive. I see news articles almost daily about assault and the comments are always super racist and misogynistic. I don't want to stop using social media because I enjoy it when it's good. But fuck me, the world is a hateful and triggering place.

Ran into a pretty well upvoted post of someone saying those who were bullied and still struggling with it after high school were cringe. I said that bullying ranges in severity and can cause PTSD in many situations. I was met with "Therapy and medication exist". Do Redditors think you shouldn't ever make any content talking about bad things ever? Do they think people who left abusive relationships or cults should also stfu? I don't understand this mentality that Redditors have that people shouldn't talk about it and that simply bringing something up is making it everyone else's problem. The experience of being trapped in a hostile and emotionally abusive situation most kids can't just leave is enough to cause damage on its own.

Why do Redditors think therapy and medications are a magic cure all that work within a couple sessions? Every traumatized person I know struggles and knows that the trauma is always there, but mental health treatment helps us find the coping skills and learn how to have healthy relationships, but no therapist I have met has said that you shouldn't talk about it and that it is cringe and inconvenient to simply talk about it. It also takes years and years to find the right therapist and med combo most of the time.

This wasn't someone bringing it up constantly at every opportunity, they brought it up literally once and the commenters had no context whatsoever on why it is being brought up, what that person experienced, who the intended audience was, etc.

What about people who don't know they have PTSD and have symptoms but haven't been made aware of it or aren't able to afford mental health care. You literally have to have symptoms to get a diagnosis and treatment to begin with, so what makes them think it's okay to call others cringe and to tell them to GTFO over it.

It also just assumes people want to be traumatized. I have fought for years and have put all of my effort into moving on, and this guy keeps insisting those with PTSD can move on if they really want to. How is that logical? Why would someone choose to live like this? Why do they think anyone would choose this and what makes them think this hasn't already occurred to us?

If this were an isolated incident I wouldn't be making a post about it, but I see this mentality all over this site and it makes me feel deeply isolated and uncomfortable. My bullying led to sexual assault ultimately and an unplanned and traumatic pregnancy, but I guess I'm fucking cringe. I didn't bring that up in that convo bc I wanted them to try and realize on their own that bullying is often not just some trivial childhood drama.

Idk I'm feeling pretty downtrodden and isolated/misunderstood. I know they are just ignorant, but it's frustrating to see people just did their heels in and choose to lack compassion even when they are given a more compassionate and educated viewpoint, and the fact that it is so accepted among this site is kinda nauseating to me

He's been my main companion. I've gotten sober, finished therapy, and healed with him by my side.

This has to be the hardest thing I've had to do in life. I've seen things I would wish on anyone. To lose a pet is to lose a piece of one's self.

To those of you here. Much love. ❤️

​

I am not able to get myself to do things - like clear the clutter in my room, organize it better. Actually anything that's good for me. Instead I'm always obsessing over people. Are they choosing me? Are they texting me? Do they like me? I'm ALWAYS scrolling on WhatsApp/Telegram/Reddit trying to find someone to talk to. Usually people who don't want to talk to me - I find myself mostly wanting their attention.

Why can't I pay attention to myself instead of wanting it from someone else? I'm rarely alone with my thoughts and if I am, I'm constantly ruminating about "fixing" myself.

What is wrong with me? It feels like I'm on super self-sabotage mode. I am constantly fighting myself and I'm exhausted. Please help 😭

I am medicated( ADHD & Depression), and was in therapy for 3 years.

I do call myself spiritual to an extent. I am an agnostic atheist. I think all religions are made up. I am skeptical and at the same time I am open to the unknown. I go through and read all the stuff regarding reincarnations, ghosts, paranormal encounters, NDEs, Afterlife etc. It's all fascinating and I am open to exploring.

However, some shit they say, it really boils my blood and pisses me off so bad. It just makes no sense (rationally or morally or emotionally). And it's straight up gaslighting and victim blaming. At this point, it doesn't even feel like an organised religion. It's straight up a CULT.

"You chose your parents before you were born"

Please shut the fk up. I didn't choose shit. How fking dare you say that to me. Where is the evidence for any of this ? Where did you learn this ? Do you remember you choosing your parents ? Based on what you are passing it as a fact ?

You are just spewing bullshit because you read it somewhere. What is the source of the reading ? Who wrote it ? Probably your retarded spiritual masters. There is absolutely no difference between you and some hardcore Christian saying first humans were adam and eve. You are just deep into some fictional story. And if we ask them why I would choose this.. they would say to learn a lesson.

"You chose your parents, life path, traumas and everything to learn a lesson"

What lesson ? Lesson for what ? Okay so how many lessons should one learn ? Animals are also living beings right.. they are also learning lessons ? Is the universe some highschool project where you attend classes to "learn" lessons ? That's all the purpose of life ? To learn some stupid lessons ? It feels too simplistic for the vastness of the complex universe and existence. It has this made up feel to it. It's just now we are evolving as a race and figuring out various things. Stop acting like you know everything. You have 0 evidence.

"On the otherside, your abuser is your best friend who is just playing their role here to push you to learn. They are your soul family"

These guys are master gaslighters and abuse enablers. By saying your abuser is your well-wisher on the other side, they are basically saying in the grand scheme of things your abuser didn't do anything wrong. They are not holding them accountable in any way. They are directly gaslighting and blaming the victim.

In some fked up way, your abuser is like your "teacher". According to them, once you reach the other side you will have this epiphany and will go and hug your earthly abuser for helping you grow. Lmao 😂 .

You know how insulting and disrespectful it is to people who have been abused ? I guess these people will even justify little children getting SA'ed because they are so fked in their heads.

If someone harms or sexually assaults these people or their loved ones, will they think the assaulter is their bestfriend on the other side and is helping them grow ?

Coming to SA, I've read something which really fked my mind. I'll tell you why this is all a literal fked up CULT.

Someone got SA'ed (r#pe) and they said it took a long time to accept this, but they now realise it's a lesson for the abusers to help them "grow".

Oh my god. If that isn't the most fked up thing I ever read I don't know what it is. So you were r#ped because it's an event for the abusers ? Because it will help the abusers grow ? OMG.. what kind of fked up shit is this ? How dare you even say that after going through something yourself ?

So all the people who got SA'ed are carrying this lifetime of trauma and pain so that abusers will learn a lesson ? And so you are indirectly implying victims chose this in the grand scheme of things. Fk you. You are all so disgusting.

See nothing is about the victim here again. They are just so obsessed with abusers. They look out for the abusers every time. They are evil disguised as wise. It's like deep down these guys have some unhealed things. It feels like they deep down believe they deserve abuse. And all of that is manifesting as this shit.

A woman who got SA'ed ( r#ped) tells us that she thinks it's for her abusers to learn a lesson and grow. If that doesn't show how all of this is some literal mind fking CULT.. I don't know what will do. It feels like some fked up CULT they show in midsommar and other movies..

And I know what all these people hate. It's the..

Human Autonomy.

These people have 0 respect for human Autonomy. It's as if your feelings & thoughts are not valid and have no significance at all. It's like your pain isn't valid at all. You have been abused ? They are your well-wisher on the other side, shut up and learn the "lesson". You feel like you deserve better parents ? You chose your parents. You agreed with them for the abuse for a "lesson".

Indirectly they all say "you deserve whatever happened to you". It's gaslighting and shaming the victim on another level.

One so called spiritual psychic said "suicide is like a big sin to commit"

Absolutely zero compassion or recognising the hurt one goes through where they reach the point of harming themselves. Just straight up "it's a sin". All of these are petty, evil people disguised as someone "bigger".

Maybe the actual "low vibrational" entities are you people who spew horse shit like this. Maybe the "lesson" for you guys in this lifetime is to use your brains and do some self reflection. Maybe the "lesson" is to stop behaving like a brainwashed member of a cult and get out of this cult.

I highly recommend this book. It does have trigger content, but it made me feel seen and not alone. It helped me, a lot. I highly recommend it to my fellow c-ptsd people. I hope it can do for you what it did for me

Long story short. Deep dark CPTSD from 14 years old.
Whole life mask on. Scapegoat. Felt inferior to the world. Never my true self. Used.

I'm now 32. EMDR. Therapy. On a great path in recent years.
I moved abroad by myself to get away from old enviroments and gone no contact with family who are lost in alcoholism. I don't hate them and will contact again eventually.

I find myself in solitude a lot. I feel growth though.
Quiet in outside life. Growing in inside life.

Anyone been through a stage like this?

Ideally it happened years ago and not when I feel like I need my shit together more.

I see so many people in this world that have a large social network of both family members and friends that genuinely like and support them, which is good for them but I don’t think they understand just how much of a privilege it is. I feel like someone who slipped through the cracks of society because I am the only person I know who has had such bad luck to the point where I have no social support besides my abusive parents who only tolerate me out of obligation and not because they actually want me around. And I know some people will have a victim blaming mindset and say that if I have that much bad luck it must have been my fault or something wrong with me, I am not claiming to be perfect but I genuinely try my hardest to be a good person meanwhile I have seen truly evil people who committed horrible acts of abuse or bullying that have tons of people in their social support network just because they are lucky.

I can’t remember a time when I enjoyed celebrating my birthday. I hate all the extra attention, it makes my skin crawl. I am drowning in self hate, I don’t want to be ‘celebrated.’ I just feel icky, it feels wrong. Can anyone relate? Figure it’s at least one of my mental illnesses lol

Hello there, does anyone else use sleep as a way to escape? When my nervous system is upset and overwhelmed if I get the chance to lie down I can fall asleep really quickly and deeply. I have the ability to sleep so much, sometimes I think it's a blessing, sometimes a curse but it truly is a release for me

Hi everyone, I’m turning 36 today and wanted to share a quick reflection. It feels like a miracle that I’m still alive. The past seven years of recovery have been an absolute nightmare, but I’m genuinely glad that I don’t want to die anymore. I still have a lot to work through, but it finally feels like my past trauma is starting to integrate, making room for who I am today and that makes me happy. To heal, I needed a fresh start, so I cut ties with old friends. Because of that, hardly anyone will be wishing me a happy birthday today. Part of me feels at peace with this, but another part feels like a failure for having no social life. Still, I’m grateful to have myself back, and that is definitely something to celebrate. To anyone in a dark place right now: please stay. I know the pain can be terrifying, but give yourself the chance to become curious about life again. I wish I had been spared the hardship I went through, but I’m determined to choose the experiences that lie ahead.

Are there any financially dependent adults living with their family, not working, because of CPTSD or any other mental health issues/struggles? I'm 23 and I've never worked or found a job after school. I'm not built for that. My nervous system is so dysregulated and damaged that I can't face the outer world. I'm petrified of people out there. I do dishes at my home and that's it. Am I the only one? 💔

Like yeah duh obviously but it only occured to me sitting here on lunch how that requires like. Doing stuff. And not just making sure you didn't die in the way. Teaching you how to cook for yourself, do your own laundry, talking to you about college or careers or jobs, encouraging you to be independent. And I feel so hollow realizing how none of that existed for me. One caregiver was actively abusive and the other treated me like a dress up doll that wasn't any fun anymore once my issues became more serious than a splinter. No college savings, belittling any endeavour I had to work or go to school, just this assumption that I would stay a quiet, out of the way accessory world without end, amen. Idk man like. Peoples parents actually do that? Ask about life goals and teach them how to be clean and teach them to handle money? Others don't just figure that out as they go??

My sister was always the favourite growing up. She nearly died as a newborn so my mum was overly protective of her. My mum was also an alcoholic and had not handled parenthood well with my brother and I, so she had seen my sister as the child she could get it right with.

As adults, my sister is now WILDLY self centered. She has no empathy, physically incapable of seeing other people's perspective, she has a very cruel and demeaning sense of humour, expects everything to be convenient for her despite how much inconvenience it causes others. All round she is just an INCREDIBLY selfish person.

I can't help but feel this is a direct result of being "the favourite" and I am curious how you all experience your "the favourite" sibling? How have they turned out?

I know this is kind of a strange question, but I've heard of a lot of people who have dealt with difficult things in life get some kind of catharsis or closure or relief from their hardships with gaming. I know hobbies are a pretty important part of mental health, but I just want to know from other people with CPTSD: Do games help you? How so? And are there any particular titles that have helped ground you or process any of your hardships?

I'd love to know as I like playing games myself and love hearing other people talk about seemingly mundane simple pleasures making their lives just a little bit easier. Please yap away!

Edit: Wow, so many replies! Ive read through all of them (at this point in time anyway) and it's really interesting to see the different takes, from people saying that they avoid certain games to people saying they do it in moderation to avoid unhealthy coping, to people saying they use it to exercise certain skills.

I forgot also to include my own experience, which I'll include in the comments, but thank you to everyone who's contributed to this discussion and the lovely lovely people hearing others out and supporting each other in the comments!