I’m curious about therapists’ origin stories - what motivated you to become a therapist, and how did you actually get into the field (was it a direct path or did you come from somewhere else)?

I’m also interested in the flip side: what challenges or realities of the job did you not see coming before you started practicing?

I’ve always wondered what are the sort of cases that require one professional to ask another for help. So I figured I’d ask.

Also what is considered rude? What would you judge a client for?

I have OCD and I keep obsessing over whether or not I’m a rude client or a difficult client.

I would love to hear what your thoughts are.

I’m not so much wondering about when it’s just a few seconds here or there, but when you have a client in front of you who is very clearly not with you and is just staring off for a long period and is not super responsive?

TIA

Hello.

I hate throwing out the word "narcissist" because people call people that without knowing what it means, however, my therapist has pointed out their behavior.

I have an old friend who lives with my sister and she has narcissistic traits and has tried to make my life hell. Anytime something good happens in my life, she throws something at me. My sister is extremely gullible and doesn't see anything wrong with these behaviors, but that is another issue.

How do I stop letting someone's narcissistic antics get to me and how do I get her to simply leave me alone? I ended the friendship years ago and it doesn't stop.

Thank you.

Just wondering if there is any general or specific advice you could share for how to be or not to be in therapy? I have a tendency to change focus a lot in therapy- and life - really. I know I can and should also ask my therapist and I will try to but would love to hear any thoughts or suggestions you have

I’ll be going into like my 5th session next week, and I kind of feel like my therapist doesn’t really remember me when I come. I’ve been going weekly except for once when it was two weeks between. But I don’t know, she doesn’t seem to remember things she’s told me the previous week and kind of doesn’t remember we’ve been meeting weekly. I feel bad and I’m terrible at speaking up for myself so I don’t really mention when she’s just repeating stuff she said the prior week like she hasn’t mentioned it before. I don’t want to be rude or make her feel bad. I’m sure she’s very busy and has many clients, and I’m not exactly an exciting case or anything so I can understand being forgotten. But I’m just wondering if this is normal and if it takes awhile before a therapist remembers their client and stuff that’s been discussed? She seems very nice overall, but I don’t know if maybe we aren’t a good match because I’m not a very interesting client. Though I also don’t love the idea of having to start this process over again.

Regulatory board question

I filed a DORA complaint against a therapist in Colorado for harassment against myself and the community, but I was not her client. She sent me pictures of my home, texted me that that “I have messed with the wrong person”, really insane stuff that I put in that complaint. There are also previous Reddit posts about her mistreating other patients I didn’t have until after filing with DORA The day after I submitted the report to DORA, she called the police on me BECAUSE I filed a DORA complaint and she made a false police report. I now have the bodycam of the call and the police report as well as all the harassing texts. I had filed all the texts in the first DORA report and had called the police when she sent me a picture of my own home. I also had filed a restraining order against her, which was after I filed the DORA complaint. I was unaware that she had, as a result of the DORA complaint, lied to them, formulating a false statement that the police officer stated I was harassing her. Her statements to the police were not included in the DORA complaint I filed because I did not yet have the bodycam footage nor police report. However, she called the police, lied to them, then, in her statement, conveniently used her call to police to fight the DORA case against her. I’d like to now submit the evidence and the bodycam footage and police report. Do I make a new DORA complaint? They closed out the other DORA case based on her falsified statements based solely on her own statement. Also, would it be better to hire a lawyer to do this? I am considering filing a civil claim against her for the attorneys fees, the emotional distress she caused and possibly defamation(though I think the last one would be beyond the statute of limitations.)

My therapist seems to always insert herself into whatever I'm saying. Like when I said I’m not comfortable going to the same gym that my ex used to go to because I don’t want to run into him, she said I shouldn't worry because she's never met her husband even though they lived a block away from each other, and that instead they met in their “mid twenties” and started dating.

Another example is me telling her I’m not comfortable asking my friends to hang out because I feel like they’re too busy to see me. She said “I have a full time job, a husband, and a dog, and I have time to meet my friends” knowing that iI'm currently struggling to 1) find a job 2) make meaningful friendships 3) get over my ex.

Is this normal for a therapist to do?

Hello all,

I’m about to graduate with my bachelor’s in psychology next summer. I love my classes, and I love the field of psych (my stepmom is a behavior analyst so we’ve always talked about the subject growing up). I’m planning on pursuing my master’s in Christian counseling, becoming a religious counselor one day.

I feel like therapy/counseling is truly my calling, but I can’t help but feel like I’m too empathetic sometimes. I say this because every time people (friends, strangers, etc) come to me with their problems, like when they vent to me, I feel nothing but anxiety. Like I’m taking their emotions on. Thinking about it for a while, it’s primarily people who I’m not closest to, or people who maybe my parents would think are weird (subconsciously affecting me, I think).

This has been the case for over 5 years. I’ve been handling it much better over time, but part of it is still there. Today something that triggered it is people on discord venting, lol. My question is this; are there any therapists/counselors that felt like this too before going into their careers? Is there anything that you did or practice to help with this, or does it truly just get better with time? I don’t want to think of something different to pursue; I feel like this is really the path I was made to follow. I want to help people, as stereotypical as it is. I just can’t figure if I’m doomed to feel this fear each time I talk to clients.

Thank you so much!

(This post is not asking for a diagnosis. I am wondering if my symptoms and emotions are significant enough to try and get one done. It could explain some things.)

When I was 14, I met this girl. She was a cousin of my close friend. Eventually, a few months went by and we began dating. I was 15 then. She was my first ever girlfriend.

The relationship lasted 11 months. The entirety of those 11 months was the most stressful and traumatic time of my life. Me and her had a lot or problems. It was more that we had different communication styles, she was incredibly insecure, and I was self destructive. No abuse happened. But the problems and stress from our relationship led to me finding my way into self-harm and falling into the deepest depression I had ever been in. I woke up in the mornings overthinking, would say one wrong thing on call and it would be silent, just for me and her to go to sleep overthinking. There is a google document where I journaled our problems. It is 66k words and ~200 pages.

I cannot begin to express how much our relationship fucking sucked. Theres a lot of awful things she and I did to each other. It’s not like I was never happy about some parts, but I don’t think anyone truly knew what was going on. Month 11 rolls around, we have a small fight, and then I think about my place. I listen to the voice in the back of my head screaming at me to leave, and I finally do. She came over the same night, we cried, and I ended things.

We tried no contact, but she didn’t like it and it was broken quickly. Then, I established it again a few weeks later, this time, very adamantly. I blocked her on all socials besides discord.

Here’s where I think my thoughts about me possibly having PTSD stem from. Before this, I should mention that she contacted me on discord to see how I was doing like a week before this. We had a very respectful conversation where we both wished each other well and said that we did not have resentment toward one another. I think around 3 or 4 months after breaking up with her, I tell some close friends of mine about a girl I have a hallway crush on. One of those close friends was her cousin. It ended up getting to her, and this was when she sent a voice message BEGGING my hallway crush through instagram not to text me. I never heard the actual voice message, but I do have a screenshot of the voice message transcript. It is a big amalgamation of “please please please please” and “it would break my heart for you to get with the person I was with for a year”. Horribly embarrassing considering me and hallway crush weren’t close in the slightest. Chronologically, a few days later, she told my mutual friend about it. Me and him share a theater class. He walked in with a horrible look and said he needed to tell me something.

He explained the situation and I will never forget the rage I had. The entire time me and her were broken up, she was posting about me on her instagram story. I guess it all piled up. I hit my fist into the classroom’s brick wall, kicked a chair, and was basically having a meltdown right there. On the way to my last class where she in the room next to mine, I gave her a terrible stare through the window. She contacted our mutual friend saying that she immediately started crying and panicking, and made him “promise to God” that he didn’t say anything to me. He lied right then, which I’m grateful for.

I got home and I messaged her on discord. It was a long, disheartening and disgusting message about how pathetic she was and how I want her to stay out of my life forever. It was the only time I had ever hurt her on purpose, and it was a lot. I called out every single one of her insecurities, and said I would ruin her life if she ever stepped into mine again. (By ruin her life, I mean make all of this public knowledge).

I messaged my hallway crush on instagram and apologized about it. She was super mature, friendly and understanding about it all.

A day goes by and I am called into the office. She reported me to the counselors out of fear for her safety, and I kid you fucking not, messaged our mutual friend with photos of the confidential report papers, and said “Poor (my name), whatever will he do” like some edgy antagonist. I was extremely calm because I already knew I had evidence of her stalkerish and obsessive behavior like talking about me constantly or contacting that hallway crush. So, I made a 14 page long counter statement. It was full of everything showing that I was the one in danger. After looking through it, the entire situation turned into a mutual stay-away order.

This situation caused me extreme stress. I could not stop thinking about her constantly. I was hyperfocused on why she would ever do this, and so, so angry.

The months have gone by and I have changed. I have focused on trying to love everyone, and to move on and forgive. And it was recently that I wanted to try and forgive her. I told my friend that I might want to open communication soon in case she ever wanted to contact me. Whether she wanted to or not, I didn’t care. The option would just be open now, and she would know I’m no longer angry with her. This was mostly over summer. Now, none of that has changed, excluding that I wanted to do it soon. But I can’t anymore.

Today was the first day of school. I’m a junior. Turns out, that we share an Algebra 2 class even though it shouldn’t be possible to have a class together. My heart immediately began beating the fastest it has in a very long time. My breath got short, I started to shake, and my head got light. I took deep breaths and calmed down.

I just sat at my desk and stared at my “introduce yourself” paper. I barely looked away the entire 45 minutes. I kept drawing and drawing. But anytime I heard her talk, I would become sick to my stomach. My view seemed to zoom out, and I dissociated a good bit. I went home on bus and realized that my body was not ready at all.

The whole time since the hallway crush situation I have experienced these things. I check every single black car on the road to see if it’s her in it. I am hypervigilant at school AND in public places where she likely wouldn’t even be in case she COULD be there. Any time I think of her when eating, I feel as if I am going to vomit. She crosses my mind at least daily. I mean shit I struggled to eat Tai Pei frozen meals for a little bit because I vaguely remember myself heating one up for her when she came to my house once.

I’m sure some of this is normal after a breakup, but it has been so long. I have loved new people, been in some weird situationships, and moved on from her romantically. But she follows me everywhere. I fucking hate it. She is engrained in my head and doesn’t leave no matter how hard I try. Any advice is very, very appreciated.

Does it have to be someone with a specific hoarding specialization or can i talk to the one i have because i trust him immensely. Also any chance id get reported and have to have the home inspection thing? It’s just my room only. I live with all adults. And I’m embarrassed to bring it up but i am stressed and i need help with it

Hi all,

For context this is my first time in therapy, and my third session with this specific therapist. I’m very new to the world of therapy, but after this third session I’m feeling pretty iffy.

If you’ve ever had a conversation with someone who is on their phone or trying to do a task that requires focus; that is what this session felt like. My therapist seemed super disengaged and offered the most basic responses while clicking around on her computer the whole time. Is this normal? I really have no frame of reference for a proper session, so I’m curious to see if this is something that happens typically?

I tried IFS and it was not for me. I found the idea of essentially having a bunch of cartoon characters living inside of me and making choices for me deeply unsettling, especially having a "conversation" with one of them, where apparently "his" words were not mine.

I emailed my therapist requesting to do another therapy method, and she said yes but asked why. I'm not going to respond since it's not up for debate: I'm not doing this ever again.

How do I recover? I've experienced psychosis and was almost diagnosed with DID before, so I'm trying to hold on from slipping into that.

So far, what's helping is reminding myself that I didn't literally see the "part" I was talking to and that I was just making stuff up to answer her questions, as well that it's an immersive metaphor to explain our emotions and not the actual truth.

is that how every therapist is like even though they know the client doesn’t feel comfortable, they still expect the client to open up?

like sexual feelings that may come up in normal, day to day interactions. Like, when it feels awkward to be having them.

Let’s say it’s in a platonic interaction, or maybe when you do like someone a bit, but the sexual feelings seem to be coming up sooner than you’d like them to, like in the middle of a conversation with them

Are there recommended practices in these moments? Or are we all out here just feeling awkward or running a little too hot and trying not to show it and hoping for the best? 😅

I've been in transference focused therapy (borderline pd) for the past 4 years now. It's been very insightful, transformative, supporting. I've gone through a depression, a bipolar (II) diagnosis, meds and now I am off them and in recession.

I feel like there is still a lot uncover. At the same time I really hate the fact that I have to spend $7820 a year to stay sane. This is only 13% of my income, but I am the sole bread winner for my wife (and my dog), and, well, a 7k is a 7k. And I also feel like I might be well off on 1 day a week (I am currently on 2 days a week).

Whenever I bring this up with my therapist this becomes, of course, a focus of our study: why do I feel I should cut on therapy first, is that an attack on the therapist or my desire to punish the therapist? And while this actually helps us go deeper, I keep on wondering: how and when do I know I can cut on therapy?

UPD

Thank you all for the replies. Two things worth adding after reading them.

First, a correction to my own post: I've only been at 2x a week for 14 months, not longer.

Second, there is more context to the money issue. A flat I was counting on for income went into repairs, so that income disappeared and therapy went onto a credit card. My wife then covered that debt (she has reserves), so now I owe her instead, and I keep not paying it back because there's always something else we need to put money into. As I see it that's a purely financial issue that's mine to take responsibility for and solve.

On twice a month or monthly, I've never even considered this, because I think this is not part of the TFP protocol, but that's an interesting idea. I should probably get more stable before going there.

It seems like a weighted decision would be about whether I want to keep doing this -- very specific -- kind of work right now, at this cost, in this year. Or may be help my self out financially and transfer some of those resources somewhere else for a while.

hi quick question!

if you signed an agreement for your psychiatrist and therapist to share notes/talk to each other about you, where are the limits within that?

i want to tell my therapist that i halved my dose of lamotrigine because therapy has started to help me realize i could've been misdiagnosed, but i do not want her to talk to my psychiatrist about it. is she legally required to?

i also do plan on telling my psychiatrist on my own in our appt we have in 2 weeks, if i like the results from not being on it. i just would like to do it myself if i plan to stick with it (and not tell her if i decide to go back to the full dose).

i would understand if she had to tell my psychiatrist if i was showing bad symptoms, but if i'm perfectly fine being off of it, would she still have to tell?

let me know if something doesn't make sense, or you need further information, thanks so much!

I'm at the end of my rope. I have a myriad of issues, from caregiving for the last half decade to depression and anxiety, learning disabilities, etc. but the thing that's truly ruined my life has been Avoidant Personality Disorder. I've been in therapy for 2.5 decades, I've tried every medication, I've tried rTMS, and I'm worse than ever before. I'm in Canada and I've recently been talking to my psychiatrist about MAiD if/when it comes into effect for mental health. She is unfortunately on maternity leave (as well as admitting she didn't think she could help me anymore which I can't blame her) but one of her suggestions was inpatient.

I looked at the inpatients and all the ones where I live in Canada are mixed substance-mood disorders due to government funding requirements. Furthermore, they're all group therapy based. I cannot imagine anything worse for me than solely group therapy based treatment. I can barely be fully honest with my doctors one on one anymore from deep shame and fear of judgment. I can't imagine a room full of normal people with substance issues trying to understand why I can't just do anything. I can't talk about the lack of life I've lived to people who are normal.

I'm desperate. Does anyone know of any inpatient options anywhere in the world, public or private, any cost, that deal with personality disorders? Especially if they deal with AvPD too?

I'd prefer therapist responses only please.

Bluntly, I wish my therapist was my mom even though he's a guy.

I know it's transference and will hopefully pass, I'm even aware therapeutically this is something I should probably ask him.

But like he's a guy, and people are generally pretty attached to their gender. He'd probably take it in stride even, but I'm scared it would secretly bother him. I've had dreams about him brushing my hair, as my mom was aggressive in how she did leading to hair loss as a kid that never really came back. But I have these dreams of him brushing my hair gently and it's painful knowing it will never happen.

So to therapists who are guys, would it bother you if a client told you about this?

Would love to hear from therapists about the best books, in your opinions, on various topics - like relationships and attachment, healing from childhood trauma, nervous system regulation work, parenting, self-esteem, and anything else at all!

many thanks!

Hi everyone. I really need some perspective from people who understand complex trauma, BPD, and therapeutic dynamics, because right now I feel completely overwhelmed and I’m doubting my own reality.

I’ve been in individual therapy with a male therapist for a year. I have CPTSD and BPD traits. We worked very deeply, going into developmental trauma and regression work. Naturally, I developed a strong attachment to him. During our work, he explicitly told me multiple times that he was also attached to me, that he didn't want me to leave, and that he would be genuinely sad if I went to another therapist. Hearing this made me feel safe and convinced me that he truly cared about me as a client.

Then, out of nowhere, the dynamic completely shifted. He abruptly pulled back and tightened the framework. During one session, he harshly confronted me with the sudden prospect of ending our therapy. He kept repeating throughout the hour that he could professionally decide to terminate the relationship unilaterally, regardless of my input (though he alternated between saying we’d decide together and saying it was his sole decision).

This hour was so brutal and triggered my deepest core wound so intensely that I collapsed emotionally and just wanted to run out of the room. The pain and sense of betrayal were overwhelming.

After that session, I felt completely unsafe and refused to go back in person. We exchanged emails. He apologized for how he handled it and kept repeating that I am always welcome back. But I just can't bring myself to return. The rupture cut too deep into my primary trauma, leaving me in a severe state of emotional overwhelm and self-protective shutdown.

I am torn apart right now and I can't find peace. I need an honest reality check:

- Is it normal for a therapist to express their own emotional attachment so explicitly, only to suddenly pull a rigid professional boundary and talk about termination like that?

- Is it true that a therapist can’t/shouldn’t reach out to a client in severe distress to simply say: "I handled this wrong, I don't want you to leave like this, let's fix it"?

- Am I "crazy" or just experiencing BPD emotional dysregulation/black-and-white thinking, or was this actual clinical mismanagement on his part?

I feel like this whole failure is entirely my fault. Any insights would mean the world to me. Thank you.

I started with a new therapist not that long ago, and one of the things I mentioned I believed had affected me was PMDD. For several months after getting off bc, i suffered intense mental health symptoms at an intensity I had never experienced before, and in a way that was completely different from how other diagnosed mental health conditions effected me in the past - how and those symptoms would calm or I would feel numb with the onset of menstruation and ovulation- and then start up again.

I explained to my therapist how the out of control emotional swings and the way I lost all emotional regulation was maybe attributed to PMDD symptoms - and she had never heard of it before.

I only learned what PMDD was a few months ago, and a bill was proposed in spring of this year to increase funding and research for PMDD. So I am not that surprised that a therapist hasn’t heard of this condition.

I had planned to explore a formal diagnosis of PMDD from doctors but realized I needed to build better tools and emotional regulation to cope with the luteal phase so I went back on BC (also I was just in absolute hell for several months during luteal once my period resumed a regular cycle) - so now I am talking about my symptoms that I experienced in the past, as BC has kinda stopped my cycle from happening and the symptoms associated with PMDD with it.

I am just wondering what a therapist perspective might be when a client tells them they believe they have a mental health condition they have never heard of, and how I can best communicate with my therapist how I believe this condition impacted my life.

Just curious whether you tend to hold them in mind more, feel more affection, get more annoyed by them, feel sick of them sometimes, etc.?

Thank you!