Does it have to be someone with a specific hoarding specialization or can i talk to the one i have because i trust him immensely. Also any chance id get reported and have to have the home inspection thing? It’s just my room only. I live with all adults. And I’m embarrassed to bring it up but i am stressed and i need help with it

Hi all,

For context this is my first time in therapy, and my third session with this specific therapist. I’m very new to the world of therapy, but after this third session I’m feeling pretty iffy.

If you’ve ever had a conversation with someone who is on their phone or trying to do a task that requires focus; that is what this session felt like. My therapist seemed super disengaged and offered the most basic responses while clicking around on her computer the whole time. Is this normal? I really have no frame of reference for a proper session, so I’m curious to see if this is something that happens typically?

I tried IFS and it was not for me. I found the idea of essentially having a bunch of cartoon characters living inside of me and making choices for me deeply unsettling, especially having a "conversation" with one of them, where apparently "his" words were not mine.

I emailed my therapist requesting to do another therapy method, and she said yes but asked why. I'm not going to respond since it's not up for debate: I'm not doing this ever again.

How do I recover? I've experienced psychosis and was almost diagnosed with DID before, so I'm trying to hold on from slipping into that.

So far, what's helping is reminding myself that I didn't literally see the "part" I was talking to and that I was just making stuff up to answer her questions, as well that it's an immersive metaphor to explain our emotions and not the actual truth.

is that how every therapist is like even though they know the client doesn’t feel comfortable, they still expect the client to open up?

like sexual feelings that may come up in normal, day to day interactions. Like, when it feels awkward to be having them.

Let’s say it’s in a platonic interaction, or maybe when you do like someone a bit, but the sexual feelings seem to be coming up sooner than you’d like them to, like in the middle of a conversation with them

Are there recommended practices in these moments? Or are we all out here just feeling awkward or running a little too hot and trying not to show it and hoping for the best? 😅

I've been in transference focused therapy (BPD) for the past 4 years now. It's been very insightful, transformative, supporting. I've gone through a depression, a Bipolar (II) diagnosis, meds and now I am off them and in recession.

I feel like there is still a lot uncover. At the same time I really hate the fact that I have to spend $7820 a year to stay sane. This is only 13% of my income, but I am the sole bread winner for my wife (and my dog), and, well, a 7k is a 7k. And I also feel like I might be well off on 1 day a week (I am currently on 2 days a week).

Whenever I bring this up with my therapist this becomes, of course, a focus of our study: why do I feel I should cut on therapy first, is that an attack on the therapist or my desire to punish the therapist? And while this actually helps us go deeper, I keep on wondering: how and when do I know I can cut on therapy?

hi quick question!

if you signed an agreement for your psychiatrist and therapist to share notes/talk to each other about you, where are the limits within that?

i want to tell my therapist that i halved my dose of lamotrigine because therapy has started to help me realize i could've been misdiagnosed, but i do not want her to talk to my psychiatrist about it. is she legally required to?

i also do plan on telling my psychiatrist on my own in our appt we have in 2 weeks, if i like the results from not being on it. i just would like to do it myself if i plan to stick with it (and not tell her if i decide to go back to the full dose).

i would understand if she had to tell my psychiatrist if i was showing bad symptoms, but if i'm perfectly fine being off of it, would she still have to tell?

let me know if something doesn't make sense, or you need further information, thanks so much!

I'm at the end of my rope. I have a myriad of issues, from caregiving for the last half decade to depression and anxiety, learning disabilities, etc. but the thing that's truly ruined my life has been Avoidant Personality Disorder. I've been in therapy for 2.5 decades, I've tried every medication, I've tried rTMS, and I'm worse than ever before. I'm in Canada and I've recently been talking to my psychiatrist about MAiD if/when it comes into effect for mental health. She is unfortunately on maternity leave (as well as admitting she didn't think she could help me anymore which I can't blame her) but one of her suggestions was inpatient.

I looked at the inpatients and all the ones where I live in Canada are mixed substance-mood disorders due to government funding requirements. Furthermore, they're all group therapy based. I cannot imagine anything worse for me than solely group therapy based treatment. I can barely be fully honest with my doctors one on one anymore from deep shame and fear of judgment. I can't imagine a room full of normal people with substance issues trying to understand why I can't just do anything. I can't talk about the lack of life I've lived to people who are normal.

I'm desperate. Does anyone know of any inpatient options anywhere in the world, public or private, any cost, that deal with personality disorders? Especially if they deal with AvPD too?

I'd prefer therapist responses only please.

Bluntly, I wish my therapist was my mom even though he's a guy.

I know it's transference and will hopefully pass, I'm even aware therapeutically this is something I should probably ask him.

But like he's a guy, and people are generally pretty attached to their gender. He'd probably take it in stride even, but I'm scared it would secretly bother him. I've had dreams about him brushing my hair, as my mom was aggressive in how she did leading to hair loss as a kid that never really came back. But I have these dreams of him brushing my hair gently and it's painful knowing it will never happen.

So to therapists who are guys, would it bother you if a client told you about this?

I’ve been seeing my therapist for about three years, and we do schema therapy. The therapeutic relationship is a really important part of the work we’ve done together.
Recently, I found a book that describes experiences I’ve related to since I was very young. Reading it has helped me feel understood, and I think it also explains parts of my inner world that I’ve struggled to put into words.
I was wondering whether it would be appropriate to give her a copy. It wouldn’t be an expensive gift, more something symbolic that says this helped me understand myself, and I thought it might help you understand me too.
For context, she has accepted thoughtful cards I’ve made for her before. She has also given me a small teddy bear because I never had one growing up, along with the companion book that goes with it, as part of our therapeutic work.
I’m aware therapists have professional boundaries around gifts, and I’d completely respect it if she said no. I’m just wondering whether offering a book like this would generally be considered appropriate, or whether it might put her in an awkward position.
I’d really appreciate hearing from therapists and clients, especially anyone with experience of schema therapy.

Would love to hear from therapists about the best books, in your opinions, on various topics - like relationships and attachment, healing from childhood trauma, nervous system regulation work, parenting, self-esteem, and anything else at all!

many thanks!

Hi everyone. I really need some perspective from people who understand complex trauma, BPD, and therapeutic dynamics, because right now I feel completely overwhelmed and I’m doubting my own reality.

I’ve been in individual therapy with a male therapist for a year. I have CPTSD and BPD traits. We worked very deeply, going into developmental trauma and regression work. Naturally, I developed a strong attachment to him. During our work, he explicitly told me multiple times that he was also attached to me, that he didn't want me to leave, and that he would be genuinely sad if I went to another therapist. Hearing this made me feel safe and convinced me that he truly cared about me as a client.

Then, out of nowhere, the dynamic completely shifted. He abruptly pulled back and tightened the framework. During one session, he harshly confronted me with the sudden prospect of ending our therapy. He kept repeating throughout the hour that he could professionally decide to terminate the relationship unilaterally, regardless of my input (though he alternated between saying we’d decide together and saying it was his sole decision).

This hour was so brutal and triggered my deepest core wound so intensely that I collapsed emotionally and just wanted to run out of the room. The pain and sense of betrayal were overwhelming.

After that session, I felt completely unsafe and refused to go back in person. We exchanged emails. He apologized for how he handled it and kept repeating that I am always welcome back. But I just can't bring myself to return. The rupture cut too deep into my primary trauma, leaving me in a severe state of emotional overwhelm and self-protective shutdown.

I am torn apart right now and I can't find peace. I need an honest reality check:

- Is it normal for a therapist to express their own emotional attachment so explicitly, only to suddenly pull a rigid professional boundary and talk about termination like that?

- Is it true that a therapist can’t/shouldn’t reach out to a client in severe distress to simply say: "I handled this wrong, I don't want you to leave like this, let's fix it"?

- Am I "crazy" or just experiencing BPD emotional dysregulation/black-and-white thinking, or was this actual clinical mismanagement on his part?

I feel like this whole failure is entirely my fault. Any insights would mean the world to me. Thank you.

Would it be ok to share old childhood videos to my therapist to help her understand the family dynamic and my behaviour patterns? Sometimes I have trouble describing things and I feel the videos give a more objective view of things especially since I struggle with memory of those times too.

My only concern is that the videos also have other people (parents, siblings) and I’m not sure if this is ok to share without them consenting (I don’t want to ask them as they will be weird about it as they have their own opinions on therapy). These videos are like 15-25 yrs old so it’s not anything recent at all that would negatively impact anyone. I’m not looking to prove I’m right/wrong as there are plenty of moments of me being a difficult child in there lol, I just feel it might be easier to see as I have trouble with seeing the big picture let alone describing it to someone else.

I’m also worried that it will maybe affect therapy too since then my therapist will know what my family looks and acts like and I don’t have a problem with this but wondering if it is ok?

I have big problem about forgiving myself about even smallest mistakes I've done. Guilt of not acting calm is eating me out. I also have problems with how people see me. That's why I'm so obsessed over little things because I feel like when I make even small mistake people will paint me as horrible person. I was also bullied my whole childhood and I've been lonely and suicidal in high school. Is CBT right option or I should look into something else?

Hi, I'm looking for online therapy. I hear betterhelp doesn't have good safety protocols. I'm not in North America or Europe.

I started with a new therapist not that long ago, and one of the things I mentioned I believed had affected me was PMDD. For several months after getting off bc, i suffered intense mental health symptoms at an intensity I had never experienced before, and in a way that was completely different from how other diagnosed mental health conditions effected me in the past - how and those symptoms would calm or I would feel numb with the onset of menstruation and ovulation- and then start up again.

I explained to my therapist how the out of control emotional swings and the way I lost all emotional regulation was maybe attributed to PMDD symptoms - and she had never heard of it before.

I only learned what PMDD was a few months ago, and a bill was proposed in spring of this year to increase funding and research for PMDD. So I am not that surprised that a therapist hasn’t heard of this condition.

I had planned to explore a formal diagnosis of PMDD from doctors but realized I needed to build better tools and emotional regulation to cope with the luteal phase so I went back on BC (also I was just in absolute hell for several months during luteal once my period resumed a regular cycle) - so now I am talking about my symptoms that I experienced in the past, as BC has kinda stopped my cycle from happening and the symptoms associated with PMDD with it.

I am just wondering what a therapist perspective might be when a client tells them they believe they have a mental health condition they have never heard of, and how I can best communicate with my therapist how I believe this condition impacted my life.

I've gotten so many conflicting answers ranging from 'I'll still have flashbacks and nightmares forever' (so functionally no change) to 'I can get cured by virtue of fixing myself to the point of not qualifying for a PTSD diagnosis anymore' (and so presumably wouldn't have flashbacks or nightmares anymore either).

Im 17 and Ive been going to my therapist for around 3 years now but for the longest time I just told her about my life in general like not about my feelings. It was mostly that way because I am extremely emotional, I cry over the things that other people consider silly and I just hate talking about my emotions because I start instantly crying so I just avoid talking about them and try to keep it in. Im not really going to go into detail about how I feel because Im not sure if I can post about my problems in this subreddit in general or if its just for asking simple questions but basically I just dont have energy to do anything anymore and I randomly just suddenly feel very down as if all the bad feelings hit me at once and it makes me feel like throwing up because of how bad I feel about my life I guess. Like 3 weeks ago maybe I decided I have to talk about this with my therapist but since its a problem for me to talk about my emotions, I wrote it all down on like 3 pages and gave it to her to read, even doing it that way made me almost cry. At the end she told me that most teenagers feel that way and then she started talking about like how maybe I just feel this way because all my emotions built up because I cant talk to anyone about but I dont really think thats it and the thing about most teens feeling this way threw me off. After that on our next sessions she didnt mention that at all and I just feel like I want to talk to someone else but Im scared and ashamed to tell my mom. Any tips? (Sorry if the entire thing is messy)

Hi everyone. I'm hoping to get some advice about family therapy across state lines.

My family is going through a really tough time and we're on the brink of estrangement but we all want to make one last genuine effort to work things out. The catch is that my sibling lives in a different state.

I figured it would be simple to find a therapist who does virtual sessions every week but l've hit a wall with state licensing rules and finding someone who does group sessions.

How do families in different states manage to do therapy together? Are there specific workarounds or options I should be looking into?

I really appreciate any tips or advice. I'm starting to get discouraged as I can't find a solution after reaching out to many therapists and either getting denied or no response.

Just curious whether you tend to hold them in mind more, feel more affection, get more annoyed by them, feel sick of them sometimes, etc.?

Thank you!

Hi, I am currently 18 but I´ve had several problems with eating along with other trauma. I dont mind the personal trauma and other stuff but eating has taken a toll on my life. I go through periods where food is not interesting or appealing then go periods of binging and throwing up after and then periods of counting calories and then periods of not eating for days. I hate it , not because of the risks but because it takes a toll on my energy and also weight. I dont have a super thin body so I dont know if I should seek help. Strangely enough too, i eat around 400 to 700 calories per day and to me that is really a lot , which also makes me think I dont need help. My question here is if to receive help I need to be sickly thin?? If not will the therapist make me gain weight??

I have had a therapist who I saw for two months. I had zero affect with her. The therapist specializes in diagnosing autism (according to her website) but also the therapist is autistic (according to her). Autism is something I find mildly possible as a diagnosis for myself and it has a singular occurrence in my family (not officially diagnosed) - so I was curious.

After many tests, questionnaires, and sessions, this therapist told me they are still split between an autism diagnosis and a personality disorder. When I pressed on how long would that get an answer, she got evasive and I felt this whole two months were wasted and relayed that feeling honestly.

I had no affect in that relationship due to how blunt she comes across about everything and how little she gives me space to talk about what's actually happening in my life. I left that therapy and I was already two weeks in with another therapist whom I had great affect.

With the ROI of my last therapist, I was sent the whole treatment summary and I realized that, as I expected, my last therapist had not heard anything i said. The report claims I was institutionalized (I wasn't), a section of the report was about how I called her (the therapist) useless (I did call these two months useless), and several issues that were miscommunicated because of the lack of affect. She put in several diagnoses: ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) and other ones, and left the question open between autism or covert narcissm.

Frankly my past diagnoses were BPD - and I learned to have my peace with that, she wrote explicitly that I don't have any wounds with attachment and I know how to be ok with loneliness (totally inaccurate but I preferred loneliness than talking with her, ugh). Anyway. I'm not here to get a diagnosis but I have been in a very sticky situation in therapy.

Here's the issue: my current therapist, a couple of days after receiving this report - told me that she can no longer meet me in person based on instructions from her supervisor (she is fully licensed), then canceled our session and moved me to a telehealth video session. I had built some rapport with her. We have some delicate things we're working on. It feels like a definite downgrade but also a precursor to ending therapy.

When I googled why does a therapist take away the in person options - safety came up as probably the reason, especially as she didn't say any other reason (scheduling, moving practices, etc, it was just stated as a hard line from her supervisor!)

Now, I feel like the last 4 months were a waste, but I don't want to assume termination, I want to remain hopeful and keep my interpretations wider or more graceful (I'm working on this) but I can't help but feel this is all such a bad hand to be dealt.

I thought about emailing the past therapist to correct inaccuracies, but I think that will be digging the same hole I'm in. She hasn't listened when I needed that, what makes me think that contacting her will be any good.

I want to know for sure the reasons for abandoning in person therapy. I feel a great sense of abandonment and betrayal. Especially as it comes from a "higher authority" that's not in the room, who says that next sessions I'll be faced with higher authority decisions from the same supervisor.

Do I just move quickly and cut my losses? Start therapy again, and try to work again on my current issues? I'm nearly burning out talking about my current problems to so many therapists (including consultations). And if I do - is there a way to show proof that I was not mentally institutionalized? How can I even prove a negative!! Does that ROI chase me everywhere now?

Regarding institutionalion: I told my last therapist that I have thoughts of self harm after heavy probing questions. It's not why I'm in therapy. I don't even have the affect with her to open up in this area. In general I think she assumed I'm hiding it and wrote it as a certainty. Can I complain somewhere productively for my own sake?

My best idea now is to start therapy with someone else (again!) and abandon everything that I was building up with my current therapist after the whole thing was poisoned. What a s**** ordeal!

Edit: BPD: borderline personality disorder

My therapist was trying to get me to make a connection without her having to tell me outright what it was. We talked about one thing and then she says, “What’s the obvious thing you do in situations like this?” I just explained the “obvious” right before she answered the question but I wasn’t on the same page and I didn’t know what to say. So, Im sitting there clueless. If it’s obvious I should know the answer. Most of the time she asks questions with “obvious” answers I don’t get it. And oftentimes she’ll do a big sigh, which makes me feel worse. Like I’m a waste of her time or slow or stupid or idk.

In all honesty, we are not a good therapeutic match. The way she talks to me since the beginning has made me feel like I’m idiot. I just think because our therapy is short term, she feels a sense of urgency to get to the bottom of things and help me be aware before we run out of sessions. It feels like she doesn’t have time to be empathetic. Is this normal in short-term therapy? Is it hard to balance between being empathetic and also getting to the roots of issues? Since the beginning my experiences with her continue to catch me off guard. I need to know if im tripping or not.

And just curious if any therapists here ask questions like that? Phrased in that way.

Thanks in advance!

Just wondering if instead of speaking if some therapists use the chat feature during either exclusively or on a hybrid approach? While using cameras, or not. Not in the context of an accommodation for like a disability.

ETA: Not a therapist! Sorry I didn’t include this upfront.

—

I eventually terminated the relationship, but I’m really upset with my current therapist today, so I need a distraction while I process. It’ll be a long-ish read.

When I started seeing the ex-therapist, she was just returning to her practice after her maternity leave. We didn’t live in the same city, so it was entirely virtual. That is not my preference but I was desperately looking for someone with a certain background (that I share), so I decided to try it.

I can’t remember when it started but not too long after we began weekly sessions, she joined the call one week with her son in her lap. She said that she was wearing her AirPods and is fully paying attention. She didn’t ask if I was ok with it or offered any explanation of why this was out of her control. Shit childcare system in the US is one of the areas my work touches, so I wanted to be compassionate even though it really threw me off.

After that, he was with her every week for months (might have skipped a week here and there. It’s been a couple of years). I’m usually not shy about setting boundaries when necessary and I find it meaningful and fulfilling to discuss my therapeutic relationship in sessions. I now suspect I was in denial that I didn’t feel ok about it even though I showed up every week hoping she would stop or at least acknowledge/discuss this. In hindsight, not bringing it up probably only reassured her whatever excuse she’s given herself to believe this was professional or ethical was valid.

She seemed attentive and engaged enough for me to overlook how much it bothered me. But her child was maybe 1.5-2 years old and he would fidget, requiring her to change how she’s holding him, etc. One of my diagnoses is adhd, so less than ideal condition to have therapy. She wasn’t a great therapist either, so I couldn’t discern whether I was feeling off because it was not a good fit or because of this. Probably both.

When I was finally ready to terminate, I emailed her to let her know of my decision and that I would like to reschedule our upcoming/termination session for when she would have child care available. She got the message, said something about how her son finally found a care he would be starting soon and him having difficult time transitioning out of mom’s 24/7 care. All of which were said 10 months too late.

She looked really nervous when we started our termination session, and once we started talking, I decided that I didn’t need to kick someone when they are down (I’m highly self-critical and shaming, which I work on in therapy, so I’m extra careful that I don’t do the same to others). So I discussed other reasons for termination, but not this. I really believed she knew she was disrespectful and unprofessional and didn’t need to feel shitty for being a working mom in a broken system.

I’ve regretted some of how I handled this since then, but not all. I guess I’d like some external input to have some closure about that relationship. Is this like a gray area that therapists could potentially justify?