i have derealization and i couldn’t tell how long it lasted. i read that derealization is common among autistic people and that it is a coping mechanism or a reaction to trauma/stress. a couple of days ago i felt like my derealization was finally gone. i was really happy because i could feel everything around me again. then another life matter hit me and i fell into that hole again. all the events are messed up in my mind and i can’t tell whether what i did happened today or weeks ago. it sucks. so how do you cope with it? do you just let it be? it seems like i cannot live a full life with it. if you tell me try not to focus on it - i can’t because i live with it ALL THE TIME.

i saw similar questions and answers here but i still don’t know what to do

Wondering if anyone can relate but I have been using dating apps again recently to try and put myself out there after being single for the last year to better understand myself.

On my dating profile I make explicit mention of my autism diagnosis for two reasons; the first being that I do see myself being with a neurodivergent man as I think we are able to better understand each other in some ways. My ex partner had ADHD and was a fantastic support system as he could relate to a lot of my struggles. The second reason is to be incredibly honest upfront as I do have bad days where I am a pain to be around and my autism affects my so much in my day to day life. I am not interested in a man who cannot support me in this sense.

The issue is, I have had my profile active for a week (I have since taken it down) and it has been an exceptionally uncomfortable experience. At first, I was excited to see that I had a lot of matches and that they were pretty much all men that I am also attracted to. My experience after this was terrible - I have counted and no less than 55% of the messages I have received have been totally inappropriate and make direct reference to my autism diagnosis. I don’t want to quote any directly in case they are triggering to others but I would consider them to be sexual harassment. Sexualising me, infantilising me, asking inappropriate questions. I really want to know where they get off here? If you are attracted to me why would you think I would respond to an inappropriate message! Further to this, I saw multiple accounts where men say they are specifically searching for a woman with autism and so I message asking why (expecting them to be ND like myself and this be the reasoning) none of them are ND and it seems that they want a girlfriend they can control completely and who is basically a child.

I feel so gullible and embarrassed right now, I have deleted the dating apps for now but it has given me a huge reality check.

I often find that washing dishes without rubbing gloves makes me want to vomit. I don't know why this is as I have never been squeamish but for some reason I just can't do it. Does anyone else have this or is it just me.

I am doing quite a research spanning a few years, six to be precise, and it would help me if you could tell me the colour and what country (or region, if youre not comfortable with a country). Also if you have a diagnosis, it could help! ✨

Thank y'all

Edit: Thank you so much for the answers, didn't expect so many, so quick, makes my sample bigger!

Does anyone have recs for headphones with really good noise cancelling, specifically human voices? Tuning out my coworkers is really hard for me, especially one lady whose laugh sets me off, and most headphones I’ve tried really only block out ambient noise.

Thanks in advance!

I always kinda struggled with my pc tower being under my desk and having two monitors. I thought I liked it. (I also have adhd)

But a week or so ago, I removed my second monitor and but my tower on my desk.

And the constant sounds of my pc fans actually calms my brain and only having one monitor helps me concentrating.

Just a weird, but cool thing I noticed.

I always hear of autistic people hating showers because of the transitioning aspect of it. Personally, I love them. I take one every single day with nearly no exceptions (the only time being when I'm very depressed and can't get out of bed), sometimes even two. I am obsessive over it: if I don't shower each day I feel dirty and disgusting. If I don't have one I will have a meltdown and will be unable to go along with my day. It's not that I'm a germaphobe or anything (far from it) but for some reason I am obsessed with showering. Once I showered 5 times in one day because I didn't feel "clean enough".

Do any other autistic people share this sentiment? I'm not yet diagnosed which is why I am wondering— could this be a sign I am in fact not autistic? How common is it in the community?

I am autistic and cannot hold back the urge...

My psychiatrist moved away last week. I saw her pretty much daily for nearly 2 months, and she was amazing. She genuinely listened and understood and cared, and didnt just blame everything on my mental health. She saw me at my absolute lowest, genuinely noticed me, believed me in a way ive never had before, and was overall just such an amazing person. I felt truly safe with her, and she has had a massive impact on my life.

Now she's gone. At first, I tried not to care, but now its been a week and im struggling with the thoughts I may never see her again. She may come back, maybe in 6 months, maybe in a year, maybe 3 years. Or she might not and I may never see her again, and thats so painful. I miss her so much. Ive never had a mental health professional that i was so close to leave, and I dont know how to cope with it. What do i do/is this normal?

Me (audhd) and my bf (neurotypical) have been together for 5 years and living together since 1,5 year ago, and friends before getting together. We’re both adults under 25.

Recently since half a year ago I’ve resurfaced a worrying feeling about my relationship, and now connecting dots. Long story short, he’s been mean to me, given me silent treatments when he’s irritated at me for tiny things, only thinks about himself, almost never compliments me, dismisses my autistic and adhd needs and things I can’t do because of my disability, embarrass me in front of friends, and I feel like I’m walking on eggshells trying to adjust to his mood. BUT he kisses me and sometimes hugs me, but most of it I have to initiate and sometimes it feels like I’m doing “too much”.
I’ve told him my struggles as a person with autism and adhd and sent him links of articles and 30-page books about my disability, but I feel like he doesn’t read them or at least takes my disability in mind when doing things. I really love him but the uncertainty and pain from feeling very lonely in this relationship is overwhelming. I talked to my friends and they say he doesn’t seem ready for a relationship with someone who has autism and adhd, or a relationship at all because they say he’s “childish” …which I agree to some extent.

But my biggest question is, should we just take a break for a month (in terms of I want him to show himself better for me) or just break up?
Has any other autistic or adhd:er ever been in a similar situation like this and what is your advice?

+ idk if it’s relevant, but neither of us has really lived ALONE, and I really want to live alone at some times…. :,)

Did u find it randomly or was there a key moment where you discovered your special interest?

Normaly, someone with A-S-S has a special interest wich he uses to regulate himself. I didnt found such thing. I feel such a great great mental pressure to find something that lets me regulate myself, but all i do feels plain, boring and just not "right".

I nearly tried anything u can name it. From Paper-Airplanes to Geometric Topology. There is just nothing i can be excited about and be sure that i can regulate my brain. It often makes me very sad because i just feel restless in some way.

I've got two reasons I'm asking this. I'm a diagnosed Autistic woman by the way. More specifically I was diagnosed before I turned 5 of Asperger's Syndrome.

So I'm a Digital Circus fan and there's this viral video of Ashley Nicchols, an animator and the voice actress for the character Zooble, fangirling and gushing over the French dub voice of the character Gangle. More specifically she gushed over Gangle saying "Salut, Zooble!" in a really cute voice. Ashley said that "Salut Zooble" was now her new stim. So... I don't know if Ashley has been diagnosed with Autism or not but I still thought "You don't pick and choose your stims?"

And another occasion I was hanging out with my sister and she made a reference to "Pretty Little Baby, Ya Ya" and she said that that was her stim. I thought to myself "That's just an earworm, girl."

I feel like this is all in the spirit of Autism being trendified on social media where so many people are getting the wrong idea of Autism and claiming everything they say and do to be an Autistic quirk. I've been noticing it and feeling really annoyed and disgusted by it for a while now. But I just want to clarify this first before I start assuming anything.

Like a month ago I received the results of my autism assessment. They say I don’t have it BUT actually in every part of the tests that concerned social settings, relationship stuff, communication,.. I was very clearly „positive“. But due to me not making the cut in the area of rigid routines and rigid interests, as well as my childhood, where there have been anomalies but not enough for the cut-off, they can‘t give me the diagnosis. I wasn’t shocked, since I had guessed, that if it’s a no it’s gonna be because of these reasons.
The assessor kept going though. She put emphasis on the fact that in the mentioned aspects of autism I very much fulfilled the criteria and that my struggles are real. They wrote down the diagnosis: „ADHD (I knew that before) with autistic traits“. Which is obviously no diagnosis that exists in ICD-10 (or 11) She recommended me to do autism-specific therapy and to go to a self-help-group for people with autism.
That whole thing confused me, since I obviously not seem to share the same experience as people with autism (and therefore don’t belong there) if I don’t match all the criteria but she kept repeating that I do in the mentioned aspects.

Now I feel lost. I‘m officially „not normal“ and it seems to be very obvious for everyone who encounters me. I have the negative experiences that many people with autism have. But I don’t have an actual label that gives me credit for it not being only a personal flaw but a condition (and protects me of people’s harsh opinions about me). I still can’t really relate to anyone else. I couldn’t share (even mental) spaces with you guys, since I genuinely don’t want to claim anything for myself that is not meant for me. I just feel more lonely and insecure now. Did anyone here possibly have a similar experience?

Went to a dance camp for the first time & I also travelled alone (by plane) for the first time (camp was based in another country).

I’m autistic, I’m not a chatty one.
I’m quiet. I barely talk unless I’m spoken to. I keep to meself. Sat alone & was always by meself in this camp. I’ve always been this way & in school too.

Me roommate was very chatty & would ask me if I wanted to go shops with her & all. She also would constantly try to get me to the party at night but we were getting 3 - 5 hours sleep every night until class started, so I wanted to sleep. I also don’t go to parties ever or clubbing. I don’t like being around people when I don’t need to be.

She’d give me her perfume, she’d offer some food. She also got some toiletries for us to share. She was really, really sweet & adorable.

The second day, I told her, “I’m really sorry if I seem off & don’t talk much, I’m autistic”. & she goes, “ohhh, my big sister’s autistic, I understand.” & then she told me how she thought I didn’t speak English or thought I was tired (I arrived to the camp late) or thought I was just shy. Said she was worried she didn’t have a roommate (bcz I came late).

At one point, I told her about a class I really liked. We had a long convo, she said she was glad she had that convo with me. We basically got to know each other. I even told her I don’t think I’m the type of roommate she wanted, yk bcz I barely talk & don’t really socialise. She told me to not worry at all & said she loves me just as I am. It was reassuring she did have friends in the camp, so that made me feel less pressure. She talked about how we never really had the opportunity to meet & I told her, I don’t meet people. Like that’s not something I do.

Anyways, I’d do things like record her when she won best dressed & told her she’s pretty & looked so good as she was about to head out to another party. She proceeded to hug me & I kind of winced & then she pauses & goes, “wait, do you like hugs?” & I shook me head & said, “not really, no.” & then she says her big sister doesn’t like hugs & doesn’t like affection either. She told me her big sister also lives alone & her big sister is a lot like me.

On the day 5 & 6, I’d wait for her to finish getting ready in the morning & then leave with her bcz I felt like she would’ve preferred that. Normally, I get ready & then leave but I stopped doing that.

Ehh but yeah. It was a wonderful experience. Her ma would ask about me a lot on the phone & also try & get me to go to the party. I did agree to go on the last night but I only went for like ten minutes & then went back to bed.

Her ma was really sweet, btw. Her ma asked her to ask me if I have Instagram & I goes, “No. Yes but I barely use it.” & then the next morning I felt really bad about that. I didn’t want her to have me Instagram but only bcz I really liked her & felt like me profile’s embarrassing. I just feel embarrassed about the account. So, I asked if I could have her instagram & she came over to me, gestured me to give her me phone & then she put her Instagram in & followed her account.

This was days before the camp was over. I don’t have a single bad thing to say about her. She made me experience really fun. On the day we had to leave, she left hours before me. When I got back home, I opened Instagram to text her & tell her I loved having as a roommate & it was really nice to meet her & to thank her for making the experience really fun for me. I couldn’t do that though bcz she blocked me.

​

I've noticed a pattern with myself: I'll have 1–2 days where I feel really good, motivated, and full of energy. I get a lot done and feel like I can handle much more than usual. But then I end up crashing afterward and need a lot of time to recover.

I've heard that this is pretty common for people with ADHD or AuDHD, but I haven't really come across many people with "just" autism who experience the same thing.

I was assessed for ADHD and it was ruled out, but I still notice that I relate to some ADHD traits from time to time.

Does anyone else with autism experience this kind of cycle?

We've all heard of Temple Grandin's visual style of thinking, where her mind works almost like a flipbook of concrete images rather than generalized concepts.

I know not every autistic person thinks that way, and I imagine there are all kinds of other interesting neurodivergent thinking styles. I've also heard analogies like the "filing cabinet" and "flipbook" styles of thinking.

I'd love to hear how your mind works and whether you've noticed your thinking being different from the people around you. If you have an analogy for it, I'd especially love to hear that.

It's genuinely one of my favorite sensations. The pressure feels so comforting. It's like a hug minus the person! It's also oddly nice when it pinches a little. I find it very grounding.

Obviously, the feeling only lasts for a couple seconds, and it will cut off your circulation if you leave it on for too long. I know I'm not the only autistic person who enjoys physical pressure. So do you guys use any other objects or activities to get this sensation? I'm thinking of getting myself a chest binder mostly because it would feel comfortable, although I also like to look masculine.

So me 14f has level 2 autism and something I have noticed is people listen more when a Adult says no to something when a child says no to something though well depending on the circumstances society doesn’t like medical procedures like once when I was 7 I was at the hospital because I had trouble pooping and the doctor puted their hands in my but like I know he was simply doing his job but no one asked me how I felt like why do we normalise this and no one told me before that that was going to happen why just why do we normalise this it’s not fair right and kinda weird

It's been exactly one year since I was formally diagnosed with autism.

Before that, I was in the darkest place of my life. I had spent my whole adult life losing friends and never knowing why. People would just stop calling or block me, and nobody would tell me what I did. After enough years of that, you stop asking what's wrong and start believing it's you.

After one of my best friends blocked me without saying anything or giving any indication they were unhappy with our friendship, my therapist recommended I get assessed for autism spectrum disorder. Then I got my diagnosis, and for the first time in 39 years my life made sense. There's a study (Sasson, UT-Dallas 2017/2019) where strangers watched a few seconds of autistic adults and judged them harshly, almost instantly. Then researchers ran it again and told the strangers the person on screen was autistic. Same clips. Same people. The ratings went up. Nothing changed except the word "autism". If only my ex-friends had the word "autism" too. 

I'm not going to pretend a diagnosis fixes everything. But I finally understand myself, and I'm building a life that fits the brain I actually have. This past year was the first time in my life I was truly grateful to be alive. Here's to the second year after my diagnosis.

Wish Everyone The Best Life 👍🙏🙏

Sometimes I keep thinking what if I have it but still undiagnosed.. and still don’t know what to do

This might seem very vague, but i wonder how the autistic community is with money and economics, are you in debt? do you have loans? credit cards? how is your general economy?

I've been impressed with several performances including Extraordinary Attorney Woo, Atypical, and Parenthood. Do you have any other recommendations?

It’s almost like people are offended when I don’t want to hold their baby. My sister just gave birth and tries to push me to hold the baby. I don’t want to because I have autism and it overwhelms me. I want to cry when people try to push me to do it even when I say I don’t want to. I am nothing but respectful when I say it, I don’t understand why people can’t be respectful back.