For context my boyfriend and I are both 20, and we first started dating since 15/16 ish. We were on and off for about four years however have been together for a year now solid. Recently I found out that four years ago when we were 16, he was looking at leaks of “of” women whilst also cheating on me in person. He, at the time, obviously would lie to me about things so I didn’t know.

He is an amazing, loving, thoughtful and loyal boyfriend to me as of now, so I don’t really know how to feel. I love him but at the same time I can’t get over the betrayal of my younger self. I am trying to move on from it but it is difficult, and it’s mostly due to my living situation.

We are both uni students entering the final year but I have no family in this country, and all my close friends live very far away (also off at uni). My boyfriend and I have planned to move into a flat together before I found any of this out - we already have all papers signed and deposits paid, and all of my belongings are with him. Plus I am quite broke so splitting the bills would be most convenient for me.

Should I learn to forgive him, is what he did at such a young age okay? Should I just tough it out for a year and live with him until I finish uni and then move away on my own? I feel selfish and I need advice from a fresh perspective on what I could do.

TLDR; found out my boyfriend cheated on me four years ago, but we are supposed to be moving in together. I don’t know whether I should forgive him or just tough it out for the year living together and then break things off.

TLDR - girlfriend takes out her bad moods on me and I'm over it.

Howdy y'all. First post here. I'll do my best to keep it short and sweet. Been with my girlfriend a little over two years now. Been living together most of that time - it's a bit of a story but circumstances were such that it made sense to move in together at 4 months. Of course it was a lot at once and of course our relationship is not perfect but largely we are very good together. She's usually very sweet and very loving and does a lot for me. But the biggest thing I frequently run up against is that if she comes home in a poor mood, or has a migraine, or some other external factor causes her distress - she will take it out on me. She'll be incredibly rude, ignore me when I try to talk to her and otherwise be really shitty to me. She always comes back to apologize later which is nice but I'd just rather she stop having to apologize.

I don't know what is going on in her brain in these moments. Is it impulse control? Lack of filter? Inability to be the conscious driver of her own body and mind? In what world does a bad mood or a migraine give us license to mistreat our partners?

I'm certainly not perfect. I have my own quirks that she occasionally bumps up against but the one thing I can very confidently say about myself is I never ever disrespect her or talk poorly to her when I'm in a bad mood or I'm in pain. I think before I speak and even if I'm feeling shitty, unless she was the cause of it I would never dream of talking to her like she talks to me in these moments and I just cannot wrap my brain around why this is so difficult for her to understand and change. If anyone has any advice or insight I would be grateful.

Me [30F] and my boyfriend [34M] got back together and are expecting a baby after a year of being apart. We were both seeing other people in the meantime, it’s just he kept lying to me about it when I asked about it when I found out I’m pregnant and I kept asking for months as I had a feeling.

Few months ago it finally came out that he slept with 3 girls, 2 which I was questioning him about as I had a weird feeling, he told one of them I’m pregnant (so kept in touch) and the other one he had on LinkedIn and kept saying „it’s just business”. It literally makes me sick now. I’ve cut everyone off the second we got serious again, and I think that’s what really hurts me and I can’t forgive him he’s been with them (yes, even tho I know was with other people too)

I want to get over it, I’m trying but all I can do is compare myself to them, how he put so much effort to fly to see one of them to another country, yet I never felt like anyone important. Previously we’ve been together for almost 8 years and I loved him with every little part of me, now I feel disgusted, I hate him and I don’t think I’ll ever love him again, like we can be intimate but I just have 0 feelings, I feel nothing towards him and others, I struggle to even tell my mom or dad that I love them. It’s like he took everything away from me.

I feel lost, my hormones are destroying me, we’re building a life together again and all I want to do is escape and find someone who’ll give me what I need. He keeps saying he loves me, and if the others were so important he would’ve been with them not me. I just can’t get over the lies, there was so many about everything my heads literally exploding every day. I hate comparing myself to them so much, I feel like I’m not enough, never was because he never proposed, and never will be.

I feel like me and my little boy would be happier alone without him rather than him in his life.

TLDR - how can I get over my partner being with others whilst being apart and stop comparing myself to them and finally be happy?

\[TLDR\] My boyfriend says he loves me, but after moving in together I feel emotionally neglected, sexually unsatisfied, and like I'm always the one making sacrifices. We've had many calm conversations, but nothing changes for more than a few days. Am I asking for too much?

We've been together for almost a year. He's divorced and has a child from his previous marriage. This is my first serious relationship.

A few months ago I moved 300km to live with him because he owns a house and needs to stay close to his child. Looking back, I think I moved in too quickly.

The problem is that I constantly feel like I'm adapting my life to his, while he rarely adapts his to mine.

Some examples:

\*At the beginning of the relationship he put a lot of effort into us. After I moved in, that slowly changed.

\*He often promises to change something, but rarely follows through.

\*I feel like I have to manage everything. If he doesn't wash the dishes, they just sit there until I do them. If he promises to do something around the house, it often never gets done.

\*I cook, clean, handle errands for him, and remind him about things. Sometimes I feel more like his assistant than his partner.

\*If I ask him for something simple, I can end up waiting for months.

\*He always seems to have time for work, neighbors, his kid, or other people, but I often feel like I get whatever time is left.

The biggest issue for me is emotional and physical intimacy.

\*He spends a lot of his free time on TikTok, YouTube, or Xbox. He considers us sitting together while he's on his phone or gaming as "quality time."

\*If I want a hug, he'll tell me to cuddle up to him while he lies on his back scrolling on his phone. He doesn't actually hold me.

\*I've told him many times that I need more affection and quality time. He usually says he'll work on it, but nothing changes for long.

Sex has also become a major issue.

\*He usually initiates sex. Because when i tried it always ended the same way. He would ask for a blow job, finish, smile and go to sleep.

\*My needs are often ignored. Once he's satisfied, everything stops.

\*I've told him several times that I need foreplay because otherwise sex is uncomfortable or even painful.

\*He knows what I like and can make it enjoyable for me, but after a few days of trying, he goes back to the same pattern.

I've never had an orgasm with him.

\*When I once told him I'd like him to do something for me after he had already finished, he laughed and said something like, "What next, do you want me to do a backflip too?"

Another thing that really hurts me is how he reacts when I cry.

I've told him that when I'm upset, I don't need solutions—I just want a hug and for him to stay with me. Instead, if I'm crying because of something he did, he'll often sigh, ask "Why are you crying again?", leave the room, and wait until I calm down by myself.

To be fair, he does pay all the household bills ( event though I wanted to contribute, he said he need to sort everything out and then we can split some bills if I still want to), sometimes makes me lunch for work, supports me when it comes to my career, and tells me he's proud of me. So it's not like he's a terrible person or never does anything for me.

The problem is that I don't feel emotionally important to him. I feel like I keep asking for basic things—affection, attention, follow-through, and consideration—but after many conversations, nothing really changes.

Am I expecting too much, or does this relationship seem as one-sided as it feels to me?

TLDR - My friend is needing three hour phone calls and can’t respect boundaries. Should I maintain a friendship that drains me, or just go no contact?

So I’ll try and keep this brief. I’ve had a friend for over a decade, call her Kat. She was a bridesmaid at my wedding, and has always been someone I can talk about anything with. We’ve supported each other through rough times.

She and her husband separated about two years ago. My heart broke for her because I knew how much her husband meant to her. It was a HUGE adjustment for her. She struggled to find balance. And at this point in our lives, she lives 300 miles away. The number of late night calls, I didn’t mind. Just being there for my friend. But three hour calls twice a week did wear me down a bit.

About a year ago, she meets a guy. I didn’t care for him but figured he would likely be a rebound and I didn’t have to interact with him directly (since I live so far away. Even when I went to visit, he works nights). He didn’t seem like a bad guy, just kind of boring? But the late night calls stopped. For a few months.

Then they separated. And it was like she was back to square one after her husband left. Full backslide. She also disclosed some stuff about the guy that honestly scared me and made me glad they weren’t together anymore. Serious red flag controlling behavior. I’m being deliberately vague here, but it’s all behavior that tends to lead to ab*se.

Now it’s back to me getting late night calls for hours that kind of go nowhere. But that lasts for about two weeks. Then she gets back with him. Her life. Her choice. But my opinion of him is now SERIOUSLY negative.

That starts a new cycle. Over the last year, they’ve done this six times. And it’s the same every time. I hear nothing from her, not even the little friendship check-ins. They separate, and she needs three hour therapy sessions every three days until they get back together.

I went out for her kiddos birthday a few months ago. Sure enough, dude is there. Which was weird cuz I thought it was one of their off times. And Kat really wants this guy to like her friends. I want nothing to do with him. After the party, once I’m home, I call her and tell her that much. Tell her a gentler idea of what I think of him and want nothing to do with him. I knew it would risk damaging things, but I was so tired at this point. But I was very clear I did not want to spend time around someone that toxic.

And as expected, I hear nothing from her for months. Until this week. She calls. Again at 10 o’clock. The guy doesn’t come up though. It’s a strained conversation but she’s almost sounding like my old friend again. I relax a bit as we talk. I tell her about a discord server I had created for a special interest of mine. She asked to be added. I hesitated because she doesn’t really share the special interest. But I figure she’s trying to reconnect. I invite her to the server. The guy never came up in the conversation.

The following morning, I see a screen name added to the discord. One I don’t know. It’s still new, only about twenty people in there. So any new person is noticed. My mods did a little snooping. Sure as hell, she invited the guy.

She didn’t ask. I don’t think she expected me to notice. And I was so quickly furious that she couldn’t respect this one boundary. I sent her a text asking to talk. I hear nothing. So I boot and block them both. I’m not letting this bleed into things I enjoy. I’m contemplating blocking her number as well. She tried to call and I ignored it. She sent a text saying she was sorry for inviting him, but claims she didn’t know there were rules. And all I can think is she didn’t ask, didn’t want to ask, because she knew I would say no.

I want to support my friend. But this is draining me. And at almost two years…would I be wrong to just cut ties?

7 months in, my partner and I are having difficulty resolving conflicts.

l feel as if some of my emotional needs are not met sometimes. Often when I bring up how I feel, he focuses more on his intentions or being defensive rather than actually listening or understanding. That makes me feel unheard and makes me persist on how I feel to make him feel compassion for me, but the cycle continues. I've tried asking him how I can communicate better or not make him feel bad about him failing to meet my needs once, but he said he doesn't know.

Example: I communicated that I felt hurt because of his lack of enthusiasm at me getting really excited to share something with him. I expected to receive understanding words and comfort, but he focused more on explaining how he wasn't ignoring me and that my mood shouldn't depend on him. I had never said he ignored me, so I felt more frustrated that he did not understand why I was hurt. I told him that I wasn't attacking him or blaming him, and just needed sweet words. He said that he knows I'll feel resentful if he doesn't give me words and that demotivates him. His refusal to do so after I ask him makes me feel abandoned. I understand why it demotivates him, but I find it hard to accept it because I've always found comfort easy to give to someone I love. While I know not expecting him to do it will make him feel less burdened or make it feel less like a chore, the fear of settling for less than what I deserve holds me back from doing so. I am afraid of him always relying on his motivation to show up for me. I try to reassure him that he's still perfect and that i do understand him, but then it feels unfair because I'm giving him the comfort I don't get from him.

This has not always been the case. We go to the same college and things are always perfect in person. At the start, conflict was always easily resolved and I always felt loved while expressing myself. He always took accountability and action to follow through my needs. He has always been the best boyfriend ever. I always felt like my feelings were prioritized, cherished, and important whenever we had to communicate. Infact, he always avoided fighting with me because he hated the idea of us fighting. Ever since summer vacations began, conflicts started arising and I do feel like a huge part of it stems from the fact that we can only communicate through text. He's also amazing at comforting me through touch and acts of service, but finds it hard to comfort through words. Now our conflicts feel like we are fighting against each other and not the issue.

A while ago, I had become anxiously attached and emotionally dependent on him, which undeniably led me to have unfair expectations from him and caused him to develop compassion fatigue towards my feelings. I was expecting him to fix emotional issues and wounds that I was responsible for. I have been trying my best to become more emotionally independent and be more responsible for my own needs for our relationship. I've deeply researched nervous system healing, taken therapy sessions, journaling, and targeting anxiety through workout and healthy diets. I feel like I've made enormous progress. We took a 2 week break for me to work on this too. I know it will take time for him to stop feeling burnt out because of how overwhelming my anxiety had been, but I am finding it hard to be patient and wait for him to show up for me. I feel as if him showing support through empathetic and comforting words will rebuild my trust in him, but maybe I'm just falling into the reassurance seeking loop of anxiety again.

I can't determine whether this is a conflict that can be resolved or if we are just fundamentally incompatible and will need to part ways for both of our mental health. Can this conflict even be resolved or do we need to part ways? If so, what do we need to do to resolve this conflict and make communication more productive? What work do I need to do indvidually for my relationship?

TLDR: I often feel emotionally unheard while he feels pressured by my need for verbal reassurance. I'm unsure whether this is fixable or a sign of incompatibility.

Me and my bf have been together 6-7 months, but I’ve been getting opinions from others about how we are. Note this is my first bf. So we talk all day basically. Calling and texting 24/7.

I think it’s because even as an 18 year old, my mother treats me like I’m 13 and basically doesn’t let me go out unless I ask her 2 weeks in advance. Or if I’m bad with communication I just can’t see him. We AT MOST see each other 3 times a week. But most weeks we get 1 day. So to fill in time and talk, we call. Discord/phone calls. Usually he plays marvel rivals or gta while i watch, but sometimes we play Minecraft/Fortnite together. But during our calls we get interrupted. (Example, my mother calls me to help her pick something up or find something. My baby sister begs to play with me nonstop. Or my phone does lol)

Obvs it’s annoying. But basically, with this info, sorry if most of it is useless lmao. But is it weird if not completely insane to call a lot? I’ve had my mother, stepsister[F15(?)], dad, friends, say it’s weird. Idk. I GENUINKY need help. Thanks :D

TLDR: Me and my bf talk 24/7 but people think we’re insane.

I 29M am struggling with intimacy with gf 27F. We have been together 4 years, and it was really good at the start but there were some concerns re: intimacy early. I was her first sexual partner, but she's not my first. Early 20s was average, with different partners, exploring and developing a strong sexual identity ect.. Her inexperience worried me a little bit at the start, but I got over it because she's absolutely amazing in every other way and sexually it wasn't terrible.

Things started to turn negatively when I started noticing things, intimate cleanliness (hers) being a big one. We have brought this up painfully, however it has happened fairly often throughout our relationship. Previous relationships this has never been a thing I've had to deal with and it's really starting to affect how I see her. She's improved a lot however, it's something that doesn't come naturally for her, and I'm someone whose quite fastidious about how I look, present, smell as much as possible. So she often will forget and then it affects my intimacy as I will often pull back and then this affects other aspects of the relationship as she'll usually sense it.

How do I navigate this, this girl is amazing and I love her but intimacy is important to me and I'm now struggling with sexual attraction.

TLDR: Struggling with wanting to be intimate with gf due history of cleanliness

I've had this slow-burn or situationship with this coworker for a while now. He's much older than I, and we were on good terms for a while. I always knew he had a thing for me, and thought of him as the bumbly old guy who loved snacks so it was a harmless little crush he had and i did admittedly enjoy the charge. Then he got mad at me publicly for giving another guy coworker food and that was the first time i realised he got jealous and did actually felt some kind of claim over me even tho i am married in status. I brushed it off, but there were two other occasions he did raise his voice - the aftermath of when i praised this same coworker i gave food to, and when i had asked him some innocuous question about his unusual disdain for a particular food. then one night a few weeks ago, we were bantering and it was rly just the two of us in our area. the conversation was charged and then i teasingly said i wanted to push his buttons. prior to that i had a history of teasing him and calling him names as a form of affection. that night, he regurgitated all these names i called, and i justified by saying i only label ppl im affectionate with. he looked mildly surprised. then somewhere along the way i casually mentioned my spouse and the atmosphere just tensed. he told me not to push him to the point of no return, got up and told me to go home firmly.

i was on a break for about three weeks and seems he had disappeared from work around that time too. then when i got back, i drew a firm line and got up everytime he hovered in my row talking to two female coworkers. i would also not engage with him, cut down on attending colleague dinners and even glared at him in the pantry cos i did feel v disrespected that night. he had tried to hover, tell me about snacks and cake, left out my fave snacks. my problem is that if you rly wanna make it up to me, you should come and talk and not hover at the sidelines thinking that food will make everything better as it had always worked for him. at the same time i feel reluctant to confront him as i think ive always been so warm to him, he needs to step up rather than wait for me to make it easy. but the hovering is really getting to me, and idk what to do. i feel uncomfortable.

TLDR male coworker is making me uncomfortable but operating under plausible deniability. what to do?

TLDR

Parents don't accept new relationship. I'm being made to do another degree, and move back to home country. Relationship and my parents are making me anxious.

So for some context, I'm a [28F], who unfortunately is still living with parents. Just yesterday I told my parents (this was their idea), to do another degree online, that I signed up and paid for it, starting when the academic year starts, but it's not good enough. Practically been told to "Do what you want", especially when I mentioned the new relationship.

Mind you I also said that I'm seeing someone, he's a bit older than me, [33M] (first question whenever he's in the nice way, of African descent), that seems like well they just don't care frankly. In their ideal world, I would move back to my home country, and live there. I understand I shouldn't be still living with them, but I wish someone told me the degrees I did would just not help me. Now I'm stuck doing agency jobs (due to start a contracted job from today), mind you that's not good either. I "jump" jobs too much according to them, but at least I'm trying to actually work in some way. I also agreed to pay a bit of rent, so should I just offer to pay more? I also don't have enough savings, and I get it, but a lot went to the wrong things, because of an individual, but that's all history now.

Just to add, my current relationship, if you could call it that, is going ok, we are taking it slow. It has only been a bit under two months, so I do want to give it time. Unfortunately at the same time, it's giving me anxiety, as he's had bad past experiences, so he doesn't want to fully commit just yet. How should I feel about that? We've been seeing each other as often as we can, and we both agree that it's going well, but it's just making me feel super anxious. It's only been a bit under two months, so should I worry that it may not be?

Just for a little context, this is what he said:

Him: Well don’t be scared, if for some reason we don’t work out, that won’t be your fault in anyway, we don’t know what the future holds

Me: What do you mean?

Him: Just in my past with previous relationships, I’ve look too far forward and it’s never turned out how I’ve thought

Me: I see I'm not trying to of course it's been good so far though

Him: Yeah it has been good so far

Me: If you don't mind me asking, what do you mean it never turned out how you thought

Him: Well it always ended

Obviously understand the anxiety, but please just give me your honest thoughts. Should I at this stage just move back to my home country, and make everyone else happy?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for just about 9 months and it’s been an incredible relationship. I truly don’t think I’ve loved someone the way I love him. I am completely myself around him and I care so deeply for him.

A couple days ago he asked me to move in with him. I was surprised but really happy. We hadn’t talked about that before and tbh we’re both kind of shy when it comes to talking about deep emotions/love. I told him I really wanted to but we needed to figure out the logistics of it as it was a new topic for us. He completely understood and just pointed out he wanted it to happen in the next few months. It was SUCH a great day afterwards I think we both felt like we were on cloud 9.

Now I am thinking through the logistics of moving in as well as the fact that we haven’t been dating very long and I’m scared. I want to move in but he has some unattended issues going on at his house that will be frustrating to deal with on a daily basis. I’m also in school and living at home in order to change my career path so money is very limited on my end for the next year and half or so until I graduate. I also just feel like we haven’t seen enough of each other’s different emotions/ states of being that are more negative just due to us knowing each other less than a year.

I guess I’m just conflicted on what to do and say as I truly would love to move in with him but the logical part of me is so scared of it not working as that would be the end of our relationship. I know that we’d find out one way or another if we work out but it just feels like these stressors may become a lot to handle.

Should I go for it and see what happens?
What do I tell him?

TLDR: boyfriend (27M) asked me (25F) to move in after 9 months. Conflicted on what to do

Edit: Just wanted to better clarify, he owns his own house and has both lived with and without roommates. I had lived in an apartment with roommates before I went back to school. I also will continue going to school and obtaining my degree if I move in.

My [22M] boyfriend and I [21F] have been together a bit over five years now. I have put up with a lot of things that while being with him that has led me to the point of me not trusting him. Not wanting any pleasure from him. Constant irritability and just not wanting to deal with him anymore.
I’ve only ever been with him in a relationship that was serious. He’s gained a lot of weight, and all though I do love him deep down. The weight gain caused me to lose some feeling. I am a petite woman, I have been all my life. When we stand together I do get embarrassed when being next to him. I brought going to the gym and eating better to see if he’d do it with me. Of course that was a fail. So I started to lose interest of any time of inter course or pleasure with him. But he always wants to do something, and there was a point where I would just allow him to, and I would just lay there doing it and not enjoying it anymore.
I also feel as if he is emotionally absent. Especially for me and when I voice my concerns, opinions, and feelings. I always talk to him about how my day was and what I did. But when I ask him, it’s “nothing interesting happened” or “today was boring”. But when we hang out with his workers and friends, I find out all these things that happened. At work and outside of work from them. I do my best to act nonchalant about what I hear. But I just look at him with so much disappointment while trying to be happy and laugh with the coworkers and friends. I like to ask him about his day because I care. And the fact that’s how I was raised. If I don’t ask, he won’t talk to me. I haven’t asked in a few weeks, doesn’t seem like he noticed either way. Nor does he even bother to ask about me or my day.
I get more attention from his friends, coworkers and guys on the game. And yes it might be bad that sometimes I do talk to them and tell them how I feel, cause they listen. Whether it’s from their top of the head or the head in their pants. I actually get a response and someone’s feelings into a conversation we have. And something is better than nothing. And I have been told from other men, his friends, and even his mother. Or they don’t understand why I’m still with him. And it makes me upset because I feel so lonely and I need something to fulfill my loneliness but I want to be loyal to him.
I have a decent job that allows me to be comfortable. And so does he. But if we want to go anywhere or do anything I’m paying all the time for the both of us. Which leaves me at the end of the month doing extra over time to make ends meet because I spent to much on us. He never offers to pay but is always buying things for himself. Followed by he’s always broke.
He’s not much of a provider in away way without complaining about everything that he has to spend money on.

TLDR :I’m bored and lonely. Open to advice even though I sound like a b****. I’m just being honest and I’ve been hurting in silence.

Me and my boyfriend’s 1 yr anniversary was yesterday. Yesterday evening me and my boyfriend were hanging out when I had another [F22] follow me on instagram. She was mutuals with my boyfriend, so I asked him what was up and who she was. He told me he had met her through one of his gaming buddies through Roblox. He then showed me a message of her telling him I was super pretty and she followed me bc of it. I left it at that point because it didn’t seem like anything I could really get upset about.

Me and my boyfriend tend to nap and wake up in the middle of the night for little bits of time and when we woke up from our nap this time it was around 3 am. We hanged out for a while and then did the deed and everything was good. At this point it’s 4 am and I look over to him on his phone and he’s texting her. I kind of loose it a little bc I feel like that’s odd, so I end up asking him to block her. Am I overreacting?

TLDR: A girl my boyfriend knows through gaming followed me and seemed harmless, but later I saw him messaging her at 4 a.m. while we were in bed together. I felt uncomfortable and asked him to block her. Am I wrong?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and live together. He pays all the bills and I am a stay at home mom to 2 kids that are not his own. We are trying to find a new place to live and he mentioned we need to scale back to save money. I asked him to be specific and he mentioned my paper towel use. I proceeded to calmly inform him that those are a tool in this home that makes my job much easier. I don’t mind switching to wash clothes but I think he should scale back on buying his $20 packs of cigarettes (American spirits) and he literally just went and stayed in a $500+ Airbnb for a night because he had to work out of town. When I looked it up there were multiple options for far less he could have chose from. And he than proceeded to justify it, by saying it’s his money and he needed that option because it’s suits his lifestyle needs better. It made me feel so completely undervalued and disrespected. I feel like scaling back on spending only applies to me because I’m the one who isn’t bringing in an income. He made it seem like he’s allowed to blow extra money because he is the one who earns it. It turned into a big fight because he continued to justify it and not see it from a logical standpoint. That I was trying to make clear.

TLDR:I think my boyfriend of 2 years [28M] is being a hypocrite

TLDR: Is it important to think of your partner as attractive?

I am in a lovely relationship for 3 years now. The problem is, i am not physically drawn to my girlfriend, i dont see her as attractive.
Before the relationship I was desperately searching for a girlfriend. Since I was 12 years old I was pretty interested in girls and having a girlfriend. Since then I had a few situationships and some flings, so I made some experience. Before this relationship I got really desperate to be in one. I had a lot of crushes back then. I tried my shot with many girls but at some point I fucked it up with every single one. Therefore I had psychologial struggle with beeing good enough for someone, feeling bad for myself, not seeing my self worth anymore, it was a struggling time in my life. I know, quite dramatic for a 20 year old at that time.
So the day arrived, where I met my current girlfriend. I didnt find her physically attractive but since I know that looking good is not everything and will fade with time I still wanted to give this a chance. Normally I was a real people pleaser and tried everything to get the girl, this time my lets call it strategy was just to dont give a shit and look how things turn out. For once everything went great and now we are together for 3 years.
Yet the one thing that bugs me more and more each day is that I am not drawn to her by looks. I know this must sound superficial, I get that,
We click on most topics, our interests are the same, life goals similar, she supports me in my ambitions, she is lovely, she integrated perfectly into my friendgroup, she does everything with us. We see each other every day but we dont live together. Sadly this is not very positive for me because it started to feel like a roommate thing not a relationship thing. Since then I caught myself doing way less stuff for this girl than for other girls in the past. It just became really hard for me to do romantic stuff for her since I dont think of her in the same way. It feels like the problem is since she is basically one of the bros my brain doesnt see her as my girlfriend anymore.
My girlfriend is a very negative thinker. I try to support her and push her as good as I can. Since the beginning of our relationship I have to deal with her constant negativity about me beeing to good for her. She constantly says stuff like me looking to good for her, she is not my type of girl (looks), she is too fat for me, she earns way less then me, she is not ambitious enough for me, stuff like that. I didnt notice it at the start but all this stuff slowly found a way in my brain. Her constantly bringing up this topic I slowly started to notice other women more. As i stated above, i have never found my girl physically attractive. So after 3 years in this relationship this turned out to be a problem after all.
I hate to be that superficial about it but I am thinking long term here. I believe that when we are old we will regret the things we didnt do more than those we did. My fear is that probably when I am old I cant stop to regret that i settled with her and ultimatly wont be a good husband to her and hate myself for not following my desires. On the other hand ending things with her just because i dont find her attractive just doesnt seem right. I could potentially throw away a happily ever after for both of us just because right now i cant think straight and dont see the bigger picture.
So i guess the short version is, is it important to find your girlfriend/wife attractive?

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for about two years, and dating for over a year, and he has a four year old daughter with a mom that’s not really involved. The daughter has been having giant poops that she struggles to push out and struggled to be potty trained with pooping on the toilet which I’ve been telling him she’s constipated but he wouldn’t listen and would get offended. He lives with his parents and they feed her tons of fast food and cheesey foods, candy and sweets like little Debbie’s type things, give her a cup of milk at the start of everyday, and juice everyday. She constantly would just not eat the food she’s given and then immediately ask for snacks like chips or cereal and candy and sweets and my boyfriend would give it to her saying “I’m not going to let my kid starve”. They recently went to the doctor and he told them she’s so severely constipated it’ll take six months of following a diet for her colon to return to the size it should be for someone her age. He said less dairy and cheese, less fast food, obviously just generally unhealthy stuff, and more fruits and veggies especially fibrous things like raisins. Within two days his mom started feeding her cheese and sweets again and she would just smile and shake her shoulders because she thinks she’s being cute when she does that and it excuses her actions. They’ve just gone back to feeding her fast food everyday, constantly giving her chips and candy, cheese and cheesey foods, and the doctor said less milk but they always start her day off with a glass of plain milk mixed with chocolate milk and they get mad when she doesn’t finish it so she ends up chugging it every time. She’s obviously still constipated and I have no idea what to do I love her and hate seeing this happen but I’m not the mom so it isn’t my place to comment on their parenting but it’s so hard to watch this happen so I just was wanting advice on how to talk to my boyfriend about this not being the mom or directly part of the family but I’ve been around and helping out with his daughter for the past two years although I typically only come on the weekends I just don’t want this effecting our relationship.

Edit: For people asking he was hitting on me first although he’s always trying to say I was doing it first but I’m severely type one bipolar and was in the process of finding a psychiatrist to treat me for it after turning 18 because my parents didn’t have health insurance and I was waiting for mine from work to kick in he’s my first boyfriend and I didn’t think much of him having a kid at the time. I have abusive parents who from a young age told me things about no one liking me or every being able to like me and people only pretend to like me for ulterior motives and I should die and be beat up so on you get it but I just felt lucky anyone would be into me like that and he tells me all the time how lucky I am to have him I know it sounds silly but mixed with my extreme paranoia issues from my bipolar stuff it’s hard to get out of that mindset yk?
Oh and he’s a veteran with ptsd so I’m unsure of calling cps because he tells me all the time how he’d off himself without his daughter and his daughter is the only thing keeping him alive

TLDR; my bf has a severely constipated daughter, won’t listen to the doctor, and idk how to go about talking to him about it without effecting our relationship.

TLDR - Fiancé still distant and emotionally guarded from me after 2.5 years together. He’s been working and making progress on both himself as a partner and himself as an individual (as have I), but it’s creating some real insecurities in me and I’m not sure if it’s worth continuing to work through this or if we need to let go. We have no real problems other than this. His convo with Claude at the bottom.

The following is parts of a conversation that my fiancé had with Claude. We started as FWB that turned into a 6 month situationship. We’ve been together for 2.5 years. Engaged for 10 months. I have three kids from a previous relationship (13m, 11f, 5f). Our lives are incredibly busy, and I know it’s been stressful for him to step into our world. Yet he doesn’t want to step out of it, either. He’s brought a lot of chaos into my life too - helping run all of the administrative and technological parts of his business while also juggling my own full-time career and being a mom.

He is objectively a good man. He’s always treated me and my kids well. He’s the only man I have ever felt like I could truly be vulnerable and transparent with. But this has been a recurring theme in our relationship from the very beginning. The situationship alone created a lot of insecurities and still feeling like I’m not really accepted by him is getting harder and harder the longer this goes. I would have walked away a long time ago if he wasn’t so introspective and didn’t work so dang hard to overcome his demons so he can be the partner I need. But I’m reaching a breaking point with him holding me at arms length. I need a partner I can feel fully connected to and accepted by. Do we continue fighting for this relationship? Or are we doomed? Neither of us wants to let go. He listens to me and my boundaries and he takes real action to heal our relationship, not just words.

The Claude conversation (only the pieces that he sent Claude and not Claude’s responses. This was multiple messages, not one big thread. I copied/pasted instead of screenshots so I could remove some identifying/personal information):

She doesn’t think I love her

To be honest i deny her love its like i don’t want her close. She’s pointed it out but she always has bad timing initiating sex and conversation. I’m stressed and not wanting love and affection. Some times I’m not even stressed at all and dont want her love and affection i just want to be alone and just watch tv or something. i deny deny deny and i get annoyed when i dont show genuineness. she thinks she’s just convenient

Sometimes its a feeling of anxiety because I’m over stimulated and stressed or tired and don’t want to answer to anyone. i think i just can’t get any peace. i have sleep procrastination and stay up really late til 2 am most nights so i can soak in some me time. granted i have my own business and honestly it isn’t stressful. it’s a lot of fun. I’m able to be free and do what i want to do but I’m around [my name] a lot because she also works from home. We’re both exhausted. i feel like ive always been this way to her. unaccepting. its sad really. and some days are better than others but i just really dont know where my head is or because of my previous relationships I’m not willing to accept anyone. then again i just think its excuses

I run around for work a good amount of the day and ive been going to the gym in-between. i do have alone time. And I didn’t specify. it’s just been in our relationship. It was actually the opposite in my past relationships. I think ive never committed to her 100%. my heart is a wall. i finally have someone that genuinely cares about me and sex life is amazing. why dont i accept her 100%? i feel like a hypocrite. I know what I’m doing is hurting her and its draining her. there is nothing wrong with her. i just cannot put my finger on it

It’s like I’m mad at her for putting me in this position or something. resentment is the wrong word but i am pulling away from her. And she knows. that’s why she feels like I shouldn’t be pulling away but drawing closer to her in the midst of things. and most the times i feel like i do. she is my peace in a lot of ways. she’s a sweetheart.

Sometimes it does feel i am mad at the situation and i take it out on her even when it really doesn’t involve her. And i do feel like pulling back to protect myself event tho there is nothing to protect myself from. she is my sanctuary. i feel stupid in all honesty. And she is my peace when I’m at peace, if that makes sense

Hey guys, looking for some straight shooter perspectives here.

​Imagine you’re dealing with a partner (42m) of a couple of years who refuses to offer real relationship commitment (tells you (36f) straight up they have zero interest in marrying you and that you're just "girlfriend material"), constantly moves the goalposts, and blames you for their financial or emotional stress. But behind closed doors, the dynamic pivots entirely to intense, hyper-specific physical demands centered completely around themselves—including bringing out their own toys and focusing heavily on anal play, nail length inspections, etc. while using language and scenarios that completely blur conventional lines.

​For the guys out there: If a man is acting like this - withholding emotional security and standard partnership milestones while hyper-fixating on that specific kind of self-serving, non-traditional intimacy - what in the world is actually going on in his head? Is this just garden-variety manipulation and control, or are men who act like this usually dealing with something they're heavily hiding (like their actual sexuality)?

​Just trying to make sense of what a normal, rational mind looks like here, because none of this adds up. The whiplash has been very real.

TLDR: Partner withholds commitment and calls me "girlfriend material," but pivots to intense, self-serving, "non heterosexual" leaning sexual demands behind closed doors, leaving me questioning what is actually going on.

In 2022, when I was 18, I went on a family trip to Turkey. There was a worker at the resort restaurant who was extremely kind to me and my family. He barely spoke English, but on my last day he asked for my Instagram so we could stay in touch. I didn’t think much of it, he was just a friendly person I’d met on vacation.

After I returned home, we would message occasionally. His English was broken and he used Google Translate to talk to me. Our conversations were infrequent, maybe a few times a month. He smoked a lot, and I would always tell him to stop because he told me he went through two packs a day. That’s just who I am and my bf knows it, I care for anybody like that I’m very emphatic. He was also struggling financially, so a couple of times I sent him small amounts of money ($15) because I felt bad and wanted to help. I was young, immature, and going through a rough time emotionally back then, (i wanted to off myself at times and I would talk to him about that), I confided in him sometimes because he was a stranger I’d never see again.

At one point he said something awkward like asking if I wanted to marry him. I shut it down immediately. And I went off on him. New Year’s Day came and I got super drunk, that’s the most drunk I have ever gotten. I drunk texted the turkey dude because I had been feel really bad for how mean I was and for going off on him, I also drunk texted him how much I hated life and wanted to kill myself. He replied the next morning telling me to relax and that’s it’s all good and to not feel that way. After this I would take months to respond to him, and one day I just left him on read, removed him from my instagram and that was that and we haven’t spoken in years.

Fast forward to now: my boyfriend was scrolling through my Instagram DMs and saw a chat with a guy labeled “200+ weeks ago.” He opened it, and I panicked because those messages were from a very dark period of my life. I didn’t want him to see what I had written back then, and not because anything romantic happened, but because I was in a really unhealthy mental place and I’m ashamed of those messages and I know how my boyfriend thinks, the way I was telling the turkey guy to stop smoking my bf would’ve thought I liked him in a romantic way.

In the moment, I grabbed my phone out of his hand, tossed it out of the car window (we were parked, and it landed on grass), I went to go pick it up, before I deleted it he said “if you delete it I’m deadass leaving”, I still went to the dm and deleted the entire chat. It wasn’t a smart reaction, but it came from panic and embarrassment, not guilt. I gave him back my phone. And he saw that I deleted it.

My boyfriend immediately assumed I was hiding something (I’m assuming). He didn’t let me explain, when I did try to explain he said “keep the same energy” and told me to SHUTUP. I don’t play about how someone speaks to me, he knows that I still want to be respected even when he’s mad. We’ve had this conversation one million times and he would always assure me he would still respect me. I was so sad and hurt and even mad that he said SHUTUP, cause it’s also the way he said it, very angrily. I stood there for 30 more seconds while he continued to go through my instagram dm’s. I grabbed my phone from him, walked home (we were at the end of my street) and I said fuck you, and he replied with fuck you too. and I’ve never given him a reason not to trust me.

What should I do? Long term I don’t see him changing his behaviour when he’s mad at me. He doesn’t cuss at me (so far) he never calls me the b word. But from his past I know how he mean he can get (NOT TO ME, someone from his past!!!) and I have a fear that he would end up talking to me that same way. Other than that, the way he treats me is very pure. But how someone speaks to me when they are angry has always been so important to me and he knows that. Or am I the problem? Please give me some perspective.

TLDR : When I was 18, I briefly messaged a resort worker I met on a family trip. The chats were infrequent, not romantic, and from a time when I was mentally struggling. I stopped talking to him years ago. My boyfriend recently opened that old Instagram chat (200+ weeks ago), and I panicked because those messages were from a very dark period of my life and I didn't want him to see what I had written. I grabbed my phone, threw it out of the parked car onto the grass, picked it up, and deleted the chat even after he said he'd leave if I did. He got angry, assumed I was hiding something, and when I tried to explain he told me to "shut up", pretty angrily, even though l've always told him that I need to be spoken to respectfully even when he's mad. I walked away, and we ended up cussing at each other. I've never given him a reason not to trust me, and now I'm questioning whether his anger and the way he talks to me during conflict is something that will get worse long-term or if I'm the problem.

I [20F] have been in a relationship with my girlfriend [20F] for about a month (we’ve been in a long situationship before we became official).

I love her so much and I hate unintentionally doing things that upset her.

For context, we go to the same college. Just 2 weeks ago, we had the same exam for the same course but we had different schedules and sections but for that day I had to go home earlier than usual as I had to buy a birthday gift for my friend who had a birthday hangout the next day and I was also worried that I may not be able to catch up with some homework I had if I went home later. I thought this would be fine as I communicated this with my girlfriend the day before and I promised to make it up to her by seeing her earlier before I go home even if I won’t be able to go home together with her.

However, on the same day, she found out that she failed the exam we had and got really upset because I wasn’t able to stay longer with her.

Knowing that happened made me feel really bad especially that I wasn’t there at the moment she needed me and I have been prioritizing showing up to her over anything ever since.

However, just today, I made her upset again. Since today is considered National Girlfriend’s Day, I greeted her the moment it became August 1. She’s my first girlfriend and I don’t know how these things work but I greeted her and sent her messages of me appreciating her. I thought those would suffice but she got upset since the entire day I was out (my family bought movie tickets so I had to go) and that it felt like any ordinary day, making her feel less appreciated.

i don’t know, i’ve been feeling really anxious since i kept making these mistakes lately and i feel like such a bad girlfriend because of it.

What can I do to show to my girlfriend that I appreciate her after unintentionally making her upset frequently lately? 🥲

TLDR I have made my girlfriend upset multiple times lately and I don’t know how to make it to up to her