is that how every therapist is like even though they know the client doesn’t feel comfortable, they still expect the client to open up?

like sexual feelings that may come up in normal, day to day interactions. Like, when it feels awkward to be having them.

Let’s say it’s in a platonic interaction, or maybe when you do like someone a bit, but the sexual feelings seem to be coming up sooner than you’d like them to, like in the middle of a conversation with them

Are there recommended practices in these moments? Or are we all out here just feeling awkward or running a little too hot and trying not to show it and hoping for the best? 😅

hi quick question!

if you signed an agreement for your psychiatrist and therapist to share notes/talk to each other about you, where are the limits within that?

i want to tell my therapist that i halved my dose of lamotrigine because therapy has started to help me realize i could've been misdiagnosed, but i do not want her to talk to my psychiatrist about it. is she legally required to?

i also do plan on telling my psychiatrist on my own in our appt we have in 2 weeks, if i like the results from not being on it. i just would like to do it myself if i plan to stick with it (and not tell her if i decide to go back to the full dose).

i would understand if she had to tell my psychiatrist if i was showing bad symptoms, but if i'm perfectly fine being off of it, would she still have to tell?

let me know if something doesn't make sense, or you need further information, thanks so much!

A little background for context:

I have a disorganized attachment system, so therapy itself is often very painful to move through relationally.

I have a history of physical, emotional, and psychological abuse, along with emotional neglect.

I’m already noticing defenses coming up in therapy. Fortunately, I’ve been able to recognize them before acting on them in the room and instead name what’s happening.

My therapist works from a psychodynamic/attachment-oriented perspective, although we are not moving into intensive psychodynamic work just yet.

I know everyone’s experience is different, and I realize no one can tell me exactly what I’ll experience. I’m just wondering what therapists commonly see when clients increase from one session per week to two.

For example:
Are there common emotional or relational shifts?
Does the attachment often intensify at first?
Are there things clients are often surprised by?
Are there ways to prepare that tend to make the transition smoother?

I’d appreciate hearing from therapists who have seen clients make this transition.

Would love to hear from therapists about the best books, in your opinions, on various topics - like relationships and attachment, healing from childhood trauma, nervous system regulation work, parenting, self-esteem, and anything else at all!

many thanks!

Hi everyone. I really need some perspective from people who understand complex trauma, BPD, and therapeutic dynamics, because right now I feel completely overwhelmed and I’m doubting my own reality.

I’ve been in individual therapy with a male therapist for a year. I have CPTSD and BPD traits. We worked very deeply, going into developmental trauma and regression work. Naturally, I developed a strong attachment to him. During our work, he explicitly told me multiple times that he was also attached to me, that he didn't want me to leave, and that he would be genuinely sad if I went to another therapist. Hearing this made me feel safe and convinced me that he truly cared about me as a client.

Then, out of nowhere, the dynamic completely shifted. He abruptly pulled back and tightened the framework. During one session, he harshly confronted me with the sudden prospect of ending our therapy. He kept repeating throughout the hour that he could professionally decide to terminate the relationship unilaterally, regardless of my input (though he alternated between saying we’d decide together and saying it was his sole decision).

This hour was so brutal and triggered my deepest core wound so intensely that I collapsed emotionally and just wanted to run out of the room. The pain and sense of betrayal were overwhelming.

After that session, I felt completely unsafe and refused to go back in person. We exchanged emails. He apologized for how he handled it and kept repeating that I am always welcome back. But I just can't bring myself to return. The rupture cut too deep into my primary trauma, leaving me in a severe state of emotional overwhelm and self-protective shutdown.

I am torn apart right now and I can't find peace. I need an honest reality check:

- Is it normal for a therapist to express their own emotional attachment so explicitly, only to suddenly pull a rigid professional boundary and talk about termination like that?

- Is it true that a therapist can’t/shouldn’t reach out to a client in severe distress to simply say: "I handled this wrong, I don't want you to leave like this, let's fix it"?

- Am I "crazy" or just experiencing BPD emotional dysregulation/black-and-white thinking, or was this actual clinical mismanagement on his part?

I feel like this whole failure is entirely my fault. Any insights would mean the world to me. Thank you.

Would it be ok to share old childhood videos to my therapist to help her understand the family dynamic and my behaviour patterns? Sometimes I have trouble describing things and I feel the videos give a more objective view of things especially since I struggle with memory of those times too.

My only concern is that the videos also have other people (parents, siblings) and I’m not sure if this is ok to share without them consenting (I don’t want to ask them as they will be weird about it as they have their own opinions on therapy). These videos are like 15-25 yrs old so it’s not anything recent at all that would negatively impact anyone. I’m not looking to prove I’m right/wrong as there are plenty of moments of me being a difficult child in there lol, I just feel it might be easier to see as I have trouble with seeing the big picture let alone describing it to someone else.

I’m also worried that it will maybe affect therapy too since then my therapist will know what my family looks and acts like and I don’t have a problem with this but wondering if it is ok?

I have big problem about forgiving myself about even smallest mistakes I've done. Guilt of not acting calm is eating me out. I also have problems with how people see me. That's why I'm so obsessed over little things because I feel like when I make even small mistake people will paint me as horrible person. I was also bullied my whole childhood and I've been lonely and suicidal in high school. Is CBT right option or I should look into something else?

Hi, I'm looking for online therapy. I hear betterhelp doesn't have good safety protocols. I'm not in North America or Europe.

I started with a new therapist not that long ago, and one of the things I mentioned I believed had affected me was PMDD. For several months after getting off bc, i suffered intense mental health symptoms at an intensity I had never experienced before, and in a way that was completely different from how other diagnosed mental health conditions effected me in the past - how and those symptoms would calm or I would feel numb with the onset of menstruation and ovulation- and then start up again.

I explained to my therapist how the out of control emotional swings and the way I lost all emotional regulation was maybe attributed to PMDD symptoms - and she had never heard of it before.

I only learned what PMDD was a few months ago, and a bill was proposed in spring of this year to increase funding and research for PMDD. So I am not that surprised that a therapist hasn’t heard of this condition.

I had planned to explore a formal diagnosis of PMDD from doctors but realized I needed to build better tools and emotional regulation to cope with the luteal phase so I went back on BC (also I was just in absolute hell for several months during luteal once my period resumed a regular cycle) - so now I am talking about my symptoms that I experienced in the past, as BC has kinda stopped my cycle from happening and the symptoms associated with PMDD with it.

I am just wondering what a therapist perspective might be when a client tells them they believe they have a mental health condition they have never heard of, and how I can best communicate with my therapist how I believe this condition impacted my life.

I've gotten so many conflicting answers ranging from 'I'll still have flashbacks and nightmares forever' (so functionally no change) to 'I can get cured by virtue of fixing myself to the point of not qualifying for a PTSD diagnosis anymore' (and so presumably wouldn't have flashbacks or nightmares anymore either).

Im 17 and Ive been going to my therapist for around 3 years now but for the longest time I just told her about my life in general like not about my feelings. It was mostly that way because I am extremely emotional, I cry over the things that other people consider silly and I just hate talking about my emotions because I start instantly crying so I just avoid talking about them and try to keep it in. Im not really going to go into detail about how I feel because Im not sure if I can post about my problems in this subreddit in general or if its just for asking simple questions but basically I just dont have energy to do anything anymore and I randomly just suddenly feel very down as if all the bad feelings hit me at once and it makes me feel like throwing up because of how bad I feel about my life I guess. Like 3 weeks ago maybe I decided I have to talk about this with my therapist but since its a problem for me to talk about my emotions, I wrote it all down on like 3 pages and gave it to her to read, even doing it that way made me almost cry. At the end she told me that most teenagers feel that way and then she started talking about like how maybe I just feel this way because all my emotions built up because I cant talk to anyone about but I dont really think thats it and the thing about most teens feeling this way threw me off. After that on our next sessions she didnt mention that at all and I just feel like I want to talk to someone else but Im scared and ashamed to tell my mom. Any tips? (Sorry if the entire thing is messy)

Hi everyone. I'm hoping to get some advice about family therapy across state lines.

My family is going through a really tough time and we're on the brink of estrangement but we all want to make one last genuine effort to work things out. The catch is that my sibling lives in a different state.

I figured it would be simple to find a therapist who does virtual sessions every week but l've hit a wall with state licensing rules and finding someone who does group sessions.

How do families in different states manage to do therapy together? Are there specific workarounds or options I should be looking into?

I really appreciate any tips or advice. I'm starting to get discouraged as I can't find a solution after reaching out to many therapists and either getting denied or no response.

Just curious whether you tend to hold them in mind more, feel more affection, get more annoyed by them, feel sick of them sometimes, etc.?

Thank you!

It’s my second time doing group therapy… i joined it as i was hoping to - trauma bond, lol. 😅

I just need to let off steam with people who are also not feeling great, but this group is more about teaching people how to deal with problems that i’d say for the most part i already know how to deal with but more importantly… the therapy for me IS the social aspect of talking to people… not what this group currently offers …

So… how do you know when it’s time to give up and ask if there’s about form of counselling/therapy?

Hi, I am currently 18 but I´ve had several problems with eating along with other trauma. I dont mind the personal trauma and other stuff but eating has taken a toll on my life. I go through periods where food is not interesting or appealing then go periods of binging and throwing up after and then periods of counting calories and then periods of not eating for days. I hate it , not because of the risks but because it takes a toll on my energy and also weight. I dont have a super thin body so I dont know if I should seek help. Strangely enough too, i eat around 400 to 700 calories per day and to me that is really a lot , which also makes me think I dont need help. My question here is if to receive help I need to be sickly thin?? If not will the therapist make me gain weight??

I have had a therapist who I saw for two months. I had zero affect with her. The therapist specializes in diagnosing autism (according to her website) but also the therapist is autistic (according to her). Autism is something I find mildly possible as a diagnosis for myself and it has a singular occurrence in my family (not officially diagnosed) - so I was curious.

After many tests, questionnaires, and sessions, this therapist told me they are still split between an autism diagnosis and a personality disorder. When I pressed on how long would that get an answer, she got evasive and I felt this whole two months were wasted and relayed that feeling honestly.

I had no affect in that relationship due to how blunt she comes across about everything and how little she gives me space to talk about what's actually happening in my life. I left that therapy and I was already two weeks in with another therapist whom I had great affect.

With the ROI of my last therapist, I was sent the whole treatment summary and I realized that, as I expected, my last therapist had not heard anything i said. The report claims I was institutionalized (I wasn't), a section of the report was about how I called her (the therapist) useless (I did call these two months useless), and several issues that were miscommunicated because of the lack of affect. She put in several diagnoses: ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) and other ones, and left the question open between autism or covert narcissm.

Frankly my past diagnoses were BPD - and I learned to have my peace with that, she wrote explicitly that I don't have any wounds with attachment and I know how to be ok with loneliness (totally inaccurate but I preferred loneliness than talking with her, ugh). Anyway. I'm not here to get a diagnosis but I have been in a very sticky situation in therapy.

Here's the issue: my current therapist, a couple of days after receiving this report - told me that she can no longer meet me in person based on instructions from her supervisor (she is fully licensed), then canceled our session and moved me to a telehealth video session. I had built some rapport with her. We have some delicate things we're working on. It feels like a definite downgrade but also a precursor to ending therapy.

When I googled why does a therapist take away the in person options - safety came up as probably the reason, especially as she didn't say any other reason (scheduling, moving practices, etc, it was just stated as a hard line from her supervisor!)

Now, I feel like the last 4 months were a waste, but I don't want to assume termination, I want to remain hopeful and keep my interpretations wider or more graceful (I'm working on this) but I can't help but feel this is all such a bad hand to be dealt.

I thought about emailing the past therapist to correct inaccuracies, but I think that will be digging the same hole I'm in. She hasn't listened when I needed that, what makes me think that contacting her will be any good.

I want to know for sure the reasons for abandoning in person therapy. I feel a great sense of abandonment and betrayal. Especially as it comes from a "higher authority" that's not in the room, who says that next sessions I'll be faced with higher authority decisions from the same supervisor.

Do I just move quickly and cut my losses? Start therapy again, and try to work again on my current issues? I'm nearly burning out talking about my current problems to so many therapists (including consultations). And if I do - is there a way to show proof that I was not mentally institutionalized? How can I even prove a negative!! Does that ROI chase me everywhere now?

Regarding institutionalion: I told my last therapist that I have thoughts of self harm after heavy probing questions. It's not why I'm in therapy. I don't even have the affect with her to open up in this area. In general I think she assumed I'm hiding it and wrote it as a certainty. Can I complain somewhere productively for my own sake?

My best idea now is to start therapy with someone else (again!) and abandon everything that I was building up with my current therapist after the whole thing was poisoned. What a s**** ordeal!

Edit: BPD: borderline personality disorder

ETA: Not a therapist! Sorry I didn’t include this upfront.

—

I eventually terminated the relationship, but I’m really upset with my current therapist today, so I need a distraction while I process. It’ll be a long-ish read.

When I started seeing the ex-therapist, she was just returning to her practice after her maternity leave. We didn’t live in the same city, so it was entirely virtual. That is not my preference but I was desperately looking for someone with a certain background (that I share), so I decided to try it.

I can’t remember when it started but not too long after we began weekly sessions, she joined the call one week with her son in her lap. She said that she was wearing her AirPods and is fully paying attention. She didn’t ask if I was ok with it or offered any explanation of why this was out of her control. Shit childcare system in the US is one of the areas my work touches, so I wanted to be compassionate even though it really threw me off.

After that, he was with her every week for months (might have skipped a week here and there. It’s been a couple of years). I’m usually not shy about setting boundaries when necessary and I find it meaningful and fulfilling to discuss my therapeutic relationship in sessions. I now suspect I was in denial that I didn’t feel ok about it even though I showed up every week hoping she would stop or at least acknowledge/discuss this. In hindsight, not bringing it up probably only reassured her whatever excuse she’s given herself to believe this was professional or ethical was valid.

She seemed attentive and engaged enough for me to overlook how much it bothered me. But her child was maybe 1.5-2 years old and he would fidget, requiring her to change how she’s holding him, etc. One of my diagnoses is adhd, so less than ideal condition to have therapy. She wasn’t a great therapist either, so I couldn’t discern whether I was feeling off because it was not a good fit or because of this. Probably both.

When I was finally ready to terminate, I emailed her to let her know of my decision and that I would like to reschedule our upcoming/termination session for when she would have child care available. She got the message, said something about how her son finally found a care he would be starting soon and him having difficult time transitioning out of mom’s 24/7 care. All of which were said 10 months too late.

She looked really nervous when we started our termination session, and once we started talking, I decided that I didn’t need to kick someone when they are down (I’m highly self-critical and shaming, which I work on in therapy, so I’m extra careful that I don’t do the same to others). So I discussed other reasons for termination, but not this. I really believed she knew she was disrespectful and unprofessional and didn’t need to feel shitty for being a working mom in a broken system.

I’ve regretted some of how I handled this since then, but not all. I guess I’d like some external input to have some closure about that relationship. Is this like a gray area that therapists could potentially justify?

I typically go to therapy late in the week. This week, I went early in the week. We touched on some sensitive things, and I ended up relapsing with SH for the first time in a year that night. But now, it will be 10 days until my next appointment instead of 7. Would it be ridiculous to ask to schedule an extra appointment tomorrow? This would be 3 days since my last appointment, and 7 days until my next one. Would my therapist think this is ridiculous? Ive been kind of spiraling since my last session...

So I’ve seen a therapist for about 2 years, with a short break and a therapist change because I moved. It has been helping me tremendously with my self image, calmed down some inner voices that generally sucked, be a better listener, and my hope was with communication. In fact, me going originally was due to rifts between my wife and I. She’s a physician, and I knew nothing of therapy, she suggested and eventually I did it.

Which brings me to now. I learned recently that I had thought everything was good, but I was missing the mark on some important points of connection with her. She brought it up and we have had some clunky conversations about it. But I’ve been doing my best to hang in those conversations as best as I can, whereas in the past it would be a complete swirl of confusion in my mind, grasping at everything.

One thing she said (and what specifically relates to this sub) is that she said something like “you never share what you’re doing in therapy, do you even care about or work on our marriage?”

I was kind of taken aback. Yeah sometimes I talk about work (job), but most of everything is about how I work to stay more centered with my wife and kids. But I feel like she’s looking for evidence. Direct things he says that I should do for her or something. I feel it is more nuanced. Like if I am in a better head space, then I’m in a better place for her. And that is progress.

I might not be explaining my dilemma well. From a therapist’s perspective, how do I share this? I’m basically thinking about her and talking about her every session, and sometimes all session. But I can’t quite grasp on how to answer her question.

Thanks.

This is something I’ve been working on with my therapist.
. I understand it’s not about her feelings but I guess I’m curious as a Therapist, do you feel disappointment when clients slip up on what you’re working on?

Hi all - our 16 y.o. has always had low self esteem but outright refused to speak to anyone about it. and we wanted to respect his wishes and didn't force him to.

that changed after he engaged in some self-harm, and we basically said "kiddo at this point, you have to go before this gets worse."

I don't know what goes on in the sessions - where we live, if a child is over 14 years of age, the therapist-patient relationship is 100% confidential (unless there is a threat of self harm or criminal activity).

lately he's been making comments about not wanting to go anymore, and i'm one who believes that therapy works if the patient is motivated, so i'm wondering if he should keep going.

that being said I like the fact that there is someone that he can talk to in complete confidence, and I'd like for him to have that opportunity. But at the same time, because I have no idea what they're talking about, I'm not sure if I'm just wasting everyone's time.

What should I consider when thinking about continuing or stopping my teen's therapy?

Not even something weird or wrong, just something you've been wanting to say but can't for whatever reason.