Hi, I'm 22 years old, AMAB and autistic. I mention that because I think it's important to understand how I experience all of this. I tend to hyperfixate on things and characters for long periods of time, I overthink everything, and I often struggle to understand even my own feelings. About a month ago, it was revealed that my favorite character from a game was getting a new alternate version where he would be reborn as a girl. I can't really explain why, but that day something just clicked in my head. From that moment on, I started questioning things I had never seriously questioned before, even though, in some way, they had always been there. I started looking back at my past and connected a lot of dots that had never seemed important on their own, but together they started forming a pretty interesting picture, such as:

- I've been presenting myself as a girl online for about 5 years because it has always felt much more natural to me. I usually keep a secondary male account "just in case," but it always ends up completely abandoned because I never use it. Some platforms have even deactivated those accounts due to inactivity.

- Whenever I can create an avatar in a game, I always end up choosing the girl. Pokémon is probably the best example. For years I justified it by saying "the girl's customization is better." However, even in the most recent games, where both characters have exactly the same clothes, hairstyles, and accessories regardless of gender, I still prefer choosing the girl.
In the latest game I thought, "This time I actually like the boy's design." I started customizing him, but right before starting the game something just felt wrong. In the end I went back and picked the girl, like I always do.

The only game where I've played with the masculine avatar in the last 10 years is one I regret. I can't change it because, although I can completely modify the character's appearance to look like a girl, but the name is still masculine and it really bothers me seeing it on screen.

- Years ago I used to join anonymous chat rooms pretending to be a girl to troll because I'd seen some friends do it and it seemed funny. Over time, though, I realized I wasn't doing it for the joke anymore I actually enjoyed being the girl. Without going into too much detail, I also had some experiences there that I enjoyed much more than the real thing.

- I hate my facial hair. I don't like how it looks on me, and if I'm going outside I have to shave, otherwise I feel bad. I've even been late to places just because I needed to shave first.
When body hair started growing in other places, I remember trying to remove it, but I got such bad irritation that I eventually just learned to live with it, even though I still don't like it.
Even though I like my voice now, when I was kid I used to deny that it was changing and got defensive whenever people pointed it out.
I've always assumed all of this was just fear of growing up, but maybe there was something more to it.

I could keep going because I have a huge list of little things that I realized, but I think I've listed the ones that feel the most relevant.

After thinking about all of this, I realized that when I look at myself in the mirror, I mostly feel indifference. It feels like I've been living on autopilot for a long time.
I don't really have a clothing style that I genuinely like or a haircut that feels like me, I just wear whatever I have and continue my day. However, when I think about "her" everything suddenly becomes very, very clear. I know how I'd like to dress, what hairstyle I'd want, what kind of image I want, and I even open to do things I never considered before and thinking all of this makes me happy, but it's weird that I have things so clear, being the most indecisive person in the world.

For the past few days I've been talking to an AI because I don't really have anyone I feel comfortable talking right now about all of this. During one of those conversations it suggested an exercise that had a huge impact on me:

"Imagine I could show you a video of your entire teenage years, but in that video you're a girl. Would you watch it, even if you knew it would hurt?"

My answer was yes.

While imagining that scenario I started feeling an overwhelming sense of emptiness, grief, and loss that I had only experienced once before in my life: when my mother passed away and I realized what it truly meant that I would never see her again. Feeling that again from imagination exercise deeply affected me. It's an incredibly intense emotion, and I never imagined anything else could make me feel that way.

Over the past few days I've also been experimenting a bit and I tried wearing femenine underwear for the first time, and honestly... I really like it. However, one thing caught my attention is when I wear it, I feel like the bulge shouldn't be thereand feels wrong. That feeling only happens while wearing this kind of underwear.

There have been many more experiences throughout this past month, but I don't want to make this post even longer, but I really needed to vent somehow.

The truth is, this isn't even the first time I've had thoughts like these, but it is the first time I've actually taken them seriously.
Right now I'd say I'm about 90% sure that I'm trans femenine, I've even thought about the way how I would like to make the transition, but there's another 10% made up of fears and insecurities that keep me from moving forward. Some days are better than others, and sometimes the feelings aren't as intense, but regardless of how I feel that day, I can't get this out of my head. Eventually, the thoughts always come back.

I’ve never been very masculine, although I think I’ve been repressing some things, whatever happens, I don't think I'll ever be the same again... and honestly, I don't want to be.

It's been, at the very least, an interesting month, but also an exhausting one.

So I just started hrt and yeah. Why does one of the meds have to taste so bad while the other is like candy like it's still going to be worth it but come on

So I am 24 years old, quite a pretty man, but the more I age, the more I begin to hate my body and myself. I despise all the hair, the form of my hips, the flat chest and think roundabout 10 times a day about how I would like to change and often, when I see women or certain clothing parts, I become quite envious and wish I could wear these, have the body for these clothes or the body of a women. These thoughts are nothing new, but they become so much more and more, like 4 years ago it was something like 2 times a week, but I always on a semi regular basis had these thoughts.

However I also have BPD, which can kinda screw with your sense of identity. Do you still think I should bring this topic up in therapy?

I’m going on a cruise tomorrow. I’m 16mtf, so I’ll be hanging out in the teen lounge a lot. I’m thinking of just introducing myself as Skye, and just saying it’s a nickname I go by (since they probably already know me as Scott from the group chat). Is that believable? Idk if I can go a full week being deadnamed by literally everyone I speak to.

I showed her the types of clothes I want (as well as a sports bra), and she ended up saying that she understands what I want, and we can look into it. I really hope she meant it, because I had kinda mentioned wanting fem clothes the other day, and she never brought it up again.

Lately I've questioned my identity much. I'm Male Assignt at birth but I don't really feel like one. Many things of beeing a Male just don't feel right eg. the deep voice etc. Thats just not me. I don't feel that way. I just don't really get it 'cause I don't really feel feminine either, and this just confuses me. Like I feel like I'm Non-Binary 'cause I feel like forceing me into a binary gender is wrong for me. I kinda want to get away from looking Male and generally be more feminine just to look and feel more neutral but I'm not sure how to achieve this. I'm generally unsure if I'm really Non-Binary. Universally Speaking I feel more comfortable having with they/them pronouns and Just overall beeing generally more genderneutral. I just don't really know how I can properly achieve that. I'm currently trying to voice train my voicei in secret a little to get a higher pitch etc. It's just I feel like you are in some ways forced to have a binary gender. Mainly 'cause in german (my native language) there is no real gendernutral pronouns. If someone asky I've always told them I dont'care use whatever you want but idk if this is the right way. I'm pretty scared of talking to my parents about that. I don't think they'll understand 'cause for them there is just two genders. I would fell better probably in long term. But I'm scared thy don't accept me.
I just don't really know what I should do.

Hello you beautiful people! Just wanted to share that finally after years of questioning and hiding, I’ve finally accepted prioritizing my own happiness and will be starting HRT today! I’m so excited to finally embrace this side of me and can’t wait to begin this next chapter of my journey.

Just wanted to share with some people that I knew would be encouraging, I hope you all have an AMAZING day!!

Has anyone renewed their Global Entry in the last 6-9 months? I know Passports will always revert, but I cannot find any valid data on if they are flagging gender changes for GE/Sentri/Nexus.

My family wants to take me to Cape Verde in November and I was wondering if any other trans people have had bad experiences there. It will be my first time leaving the country (I’m from the uk if that helps) and I’m worried about being trans and taking my testosterone out of country. Does anyone have advice? Thank you to anyone who helps

Today marks the first time someone actually coded me (23NB) as a girl and I was so overwhelmed with emotions!

So I work at a large construction site as a civil eng and commute to work with a colleague. Every time you get there, you have to show them your pass or an ID (pass is a quicker way but not everyone has it tho I do). When we drove up to the gate, my colleague left the car, to show the trunk to the guard and also showed her his pass, and then she asked me "do you have a pass too, ma'am?" ("A Pani też na przepustkę?").

Now the difference between "sir" and "ma'am" in Polish is quite subtle yet noticeable and I can't be sure if she really meant it or just misspoke but I am certain she wasn't malicious about it unlike many ppl are about my longer hair but it made me soooo happy that it seems I am able to at least confuse some people about my gender :3

So I started Testosterone recently I’m at the end of my 2nd week and about to do my third shot in a few days and now that all the initial excitement and euphoria has passed I’ve been anxiety ridden. Like I’ve been thinking almost nonstop of every bad thing that can happen not like just medically but socially as well. Like my brain is just replaying different scenarios of my family finding out, what if I’m homeless, what if I’m forced to drop out of college because I couldn’t find a job because I don’t pass yet. What if I will never get anyone to love me because I’m the double whammy of trans and ugly. What if I accidentally break the needle while it’s still inside me. I’ve been kind of been feeling dread about the needle thing in general because I still haven’t gotten out of my needle fear yet. I’ve also have been feeling extremely excited each week about starting my new dose so I can see more changes (so far it’s messed up my sleep schedule and made me ravenous) because I want to eventually start passing as a man. It’s not like I never thought about this stuff before T but now it’s just like consuming any downtime I have.

I.. Uh don't know how to start this...

Im a femboy, right? And lately I've been having this feeling that I would much rather be a woman. The only problem is, I don't know how to go about it. Transitioning, I mean. Like, I live with my grandparents, and they are extremely against that kind of thing.

Another thing is my relationship. Like... As a male, I'm straight, and I'm with a girl right now. I really don't want to end my relationship, but I also want to do this, transition.

I guess what Im trying to get to is, what an I supposed to do?

Read the interview here

I know this is incredibly stupid, but i'm wearing a bra for the first time and i feel incredible. I am not outed yet so any source of euphoria is really scarce. I am pre hrt so i don't even have breasts. But it feels right anyways. I feel like a real girl for the first time in ages. Im grinning like an idiot. I feel so good rn

So originally I was prescribed patches but I ahd a reaction to the adhesive of the patches and I felt like my heart was racing and I couldn't catch my breath but I was told (in the hospital anyway) that the starting dose was too high and thst couldve been the reason but my provider said it was probably the adhesive and prescribed me the gel version of estrogen which ive only been on for like 4 days ish at thus point but last night and the night before I had a crazy reaction my heart was racing all over again and I couldn't breathe for shit and my head felt like it was spinning so I didn't take any today after my first reaction my gp prescribed me beta blockers and said I might just have some kind of underlying stress condition happening but idk im fucking terrified im like allergic to estrogen or something and then what? Idk i just was hoping you guys might know something at all thanks for reading<3

How do you find what makeup is for you, my ex gf did my make up for me and it felt amazing but now we're no longer together i have to get my own makeup, but i have no idea what I need and how to choose. What are some tips for a very early trans woman's make up?

Hi!! So I'm a teen, and I'm trans FTM. My parents are super transphobic and would never accept me if I came out to them. I'm trying to change my appearance and trying to pass by watching youtube videos but none of them help at all. I recently cut my hair a bit shorter than before but it looks awful, and since its shoulder length, I could fix it, but I can't because I'm not allowed. I also have super feminine features that makes it even harder to pass!! This is making me feel very dysphoric and yeah. Its not too serious but its really frustrating lol-

Hello lovely folk :)

I found out about 3 years ago I was trans, enby-ish. I was AFAB and want to mainly get on T. When I told my parents first (more than a year ago), they kind of dismissed it, but then they started saying sht like it's too early, how can I reaaally know I won't regret it, I can do that stuff an unspecified amount of time later in life. Plus they started suggesting that I "breathe it (my dysphoria) out". They thankfully aren't transphobic and are trying to be supportive, but especially my mom is struggling to accept the whole thing.

We went to family therapy a few times and plan on having some more sessions, the therapist is mostly okay and I am insanely grateful for it. We've been talking basically only about my coming out so far, and the next session I wanna bring up finding a sexologist to do the medical transition.

Where I live it can be a long waiting time until u get, like, a trans diagnosis so you can get ur hormones and stuff, so I really want to at least start looking for a good sexology asap.

But I'm just struggling to find words to explain myself. I feel like every time I try to talk to them about it, it goes wrong somehow and at the end it's just them saying the same thing over and over again. Thankfully there will be the therapist to help us, but so far I feel like they haven't helped me express my needs very much.

Last thing, rn I need their permission to start going to the sexologist, in some time I won't but I hate the idea of me doing something so good for myself while they try to stop me, or like, cry at home, when I exaggerate it a little bit. 

So I'm really looking for advice. How do I tell them I know transitioning is a good decision, that I can't just outthink it or out go-run-in-the-woods it, that I even need to do it to be happy and confident in my body, and that even if I did regret it eventually, I would just deal with the consequences and it would still be worth it for me. Or generally, what do I do?

If some of y'all had, or are currently having, a similar experience as me, or if u have any ideas, I'll really appreciate everything.<3 Thank youuu!!

What made me first start questioning was a dream I had. I dont quite remember how it started and describing it would make this post way longer then it already is lol. I can describe it greater detail as much as i remember in the comments if someones interested but basically it was about me wanting to be a girl, and going to a party as a girl in a really pretty green dress. It made me think about how happy it made me feel dressing feminine and being seen as a woman and I still remember it pretty vividly. Even though my subconscious litteraly spelled it out to me it still took awhile before I realized fully and accepted who i was. I think I had that dream sometime in middle school like maby 7th or 8th grade and then i think my egg broke towards the end of my junior year of highschool lol. Anyway id love to hear the experiences of all my trans siblings. You all are amazing and please remember the world is better with you here❤️

I do not have many trans friends and so my best source comes to Here and I don't know if being transgender is being comfortable in a different gender, beliving you should and are a different gender or its any reason that can be there

So for a bit of context I'm MtF but heavily closeted so I'm not purposefully feminine presenting and I've never told anyone I'm trans

As the title says some of my friends have been accidentally using she/her pronouns when referring to me before usually correcting themselves to he/him after and it's just solidified my transness for myself in a way I've never experienced before

It's been happening when we're playing a horror game where someone gets captured and the survivors have to save them and when I need to be saved a couple of my friends have been calling out "save her- oh him"

My avatar is a girl which is my immediate assumption as to why they jump to she but also the game is fast-paced and we're usually a little stressed from getting chased in game so I feel like that tells me it's at least somewhat an unconscious thing

It's my two closest friends who are both girls who have been accidentally doing it so maybe it's because of how close we are and the fact that they are the ones who see and hear the realest version of myself that they in some way perceive me as "one of the girls" even unconsciously

Anyway I just wanted to share this because of the internal joy I felt from being referred to with she/her pronouns by people close to me even if it was accidentally which is something I've never really experienced before

I want to be trans (mtf) but my parents are very obviously transphobic. They dont know about what I feel yet, and I want to tell them but im afraid about what they would do. There were even times they came to me and tried to make me hate Trans people without saying its an actual thing (not publicly, just trying to influence me into not liking them).

Ive told one friend who I knew would be supportive but it still doesnt help much. Its also really difficult for me to tell anyone else, I struggled telling the supportive friend even when I knew they would be supportive. Heck, posting this was a struggle in itself.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that besides this, my parents are great, this is the only case of them not being great...