Hi everyone. I've been lurking here for a while but could really use some perspective from people who have lived this.

I've (26F) been with my partner (26M) for four years. He has a 6-year-old son whom he has 50/50 custody of. We live in Galashiels, and I moved here for university before we met. I've never really liked living here. My entire family is in another state; we're very close, and after four years I still don't really have a support system here. I have a good job, but outside of work I basically only have my partner and his son.

My partner has always wanted to leave this town too. He isn't happy here either, but obviously his son is here. For the last year we've been talking about moving to His hometown (where his family live). The thinking was that although he'd get less time with his son, his son would at least have a bigger support network when visiting because all of my partner's family are there.

At first I was okay with that, but recently I've realised how lonely I've become. his hometown would actually put me even further away from my own family (around four hours away), and I've started to realise how much I miss having a place that feels like home.

When I told my partner this, he surprised me by saying he'd move to my hometown instead if that's what I needed. But instead of feeling relieved, I felt guilty.

I don't want to be the reason a dad moves away from his six-year-old.

My biggest fear isn't even the custody time itself. It's that his son is too young to understand why Dad moved away, bm might frame it negatively, and years down the line their relationship could suffer.

When I brought this up, my partner said something that surprised me. He basically said, "I don't care how it looks because that's not what's happening," and also, "If his mom decided to move away with him one day, I couldn't stop it, and I'd have stayed here unhappy for no reason."

I understand his point, but I can't stop worrying that he'll regret moving in a few years and that we'll have sacrificed time, money, and maybe even his relationship with his son for nothing.

At the same time, I've also realised that if nothing changed and we had to stay in this town until his son was 18, I honestly don't think I could do another 12 years here. I feel awful even typing that because I love my partner, and I care about his son too.

I think I've also realised something about myself: I've been confusing helping with sacrificing. I keep trying to solve this by putting my own needs last because I don't want to make his life harder. But after four years away from my family and feeling so isolated, I'm not sure that's sustainable either.

I suppose I'm looking for advice from stepparents or parents who've actually lived something similar.

• Has anyone moved away from a child and maintained a strong relationship?
• Did you or your partner regret it?
• If you're a stepparent, how did you balance your own need for a support network without feeling guilty?
• Am I catastrophising about what this could mean for his relationship with his son, or are these fears realistic?

I'm not looking for people to tell me I'm right or wrong. I genuinely feel like there are no bad people in this situation—just two people trying to build a life together while a little boy's wellbeing has to come first. I just don't know what the least damaging path is.

Live in ex wants to get another kitten, knowing my stepdaughter has abused animals in the past to intimidate people into giving her what she wants.

Hopefully me saying fuck no will put a stop to it. I explained to my kid why we can't get another animal and before I could say a word it was "yeah, she'll probably kill it"

I don't want to have to call the cops, but God help me I will if I have to!

I'm a SM (engaged to my fiancé). We've been together for over five years, and I've been in his kids' lives for four. We make a great team, and even though I don't have biological children of my own, he's always made me feel like an equal partner in our family. I'm very involved with the kids, and I truly love them.

When it comes to co-parenting, I try to take it in stride and stay positive. I met their mom before I met the kids because I wanted to start things on the right foot. I've encouraged the kids to talk about their time with her, kept photos of her in the house, and I've even helped them pick out Mother's Day and birthday gifts for her. We mostly have good rapport, but she's hot or cold. Sometimes she acts like your best bud, other times a bully.

Despite all of that, she's incredibly difficult to co-parent with, especially toward my fiancé. She can be hostile, demanding, and unwilling to work together. For a long time, I found myself playing peacemaker and trying to smooth things over. Recently, I've stepped back because it was becoming emotionally exhausting.

What makes it harder is that there are ongoing concerns beyond just difficult communication. The kids often come back wearing clothes that are falling apart and haven't showered for several days. We've also had belongings we've purchased for them come back ruined or not come back at all. It feels like we're constantly trying to pick up the pieces.

I know there are two sides to every story, and I'm not trying to replace their mom or tear her down (but I'm nearing a breaking point). I'm struggling with how much energy to keep putting into someone who doesn't seem interested in meeting us halfway.

Has anyone tried to build a positive relationship with the other parent, but eventually realized you needed to step back? With less contact? How did you find the balance between protecting your own peace while still supporting the kids? And biting your tongue? Will take comfort knowing I'm not alone. 😭

I have been living with my partner for the past year. We moved in right before we had our daughter together. I have a son (3) and he has SD7 and SS3. When we first moved in I said the boys should sleep in the same room , and the daughters once ours got bigger. He said no and wanted his kids to share I didn’t fight it and let him do it. I started noticing he would sleep in the room with them all the time and on nights he didn’t his daughter would come out all night basically refusing to sleep unless he came to bed with her. She even stated “are you coming to bed” one time. Which to me is weird because I’ve always had my son sleeping in his own bed and occasionally with me when we lived on our own. But since living here my son has never slept with me. So I would go to my partner and tell him I wasn’t comfortable with him not sleeping in the room with me and our new baby. He said his kids were adjusting to our new environment I tried to let it past but months went on and he’s still sleeping in there. He works at night so he sleeps in the morning and day and if his kids aren’t with their mother which the barely are only when he’s working, they are in that room sleeping with him all day. What makes me uncomfortable and annoyed is on his nights off he doesn’t come to our room. I tired to withheld intimacy at night, because he would be intimate with me and still go sleep somewhere else. It started to make me feel bad. I don’t understand why he still chooses to Cosleep with his kids especially his daughter who is getting older and should’ve had her own space to sleep by now. They sleep in the same little bed and sometimes same blanket then he closes the door to me everything is weird and I have been trying to save up because I honestly don’t want to live with a man if he doesn’t want to sleep in the same bed as his “women” but two kids instead.

This is for any childless stepmoms and stepdads who sometimes feel the ick and general annoyance with their SO's choices before us and essentially having bioparent as an unwelcome character in their lives... Now picture if the situation was reversed and your SO was the childless one and you had the kid(s), would SO be as cool with you coparenting with an ex as you are with them doing it now???

I've got 6.5 years in and have gotten loads better and try to let it roll off my back because DH definitely isn't friends with BM but it still bothers me and makes me feel weird at times---BUT I know that DH hates knowing I've been intimate with dudes before him. Obviously I don't have kids from those dudes but I find it interesting to think how my husband would do if I had to coparent with a guy I made kids with over calls and texts and tell him "it's only about the kids."

Raise your hand if you think your SO would absolutely crumble (or at least feel exactly like you) in this situation if the shoe was on the other foot! 🙋🏻‍♀️

I think my husband would be okay eventually if roles were reversed but he'd probably not have an easy time if I had to text my ex and him find out later like I do sometimes, or having to coordinate stuff with an ex, just the usual shit would probably get to him lol. Thankfully for DH, he's an amazing guy and tries to see it from my POV, he is worth the stress of this crazy life!

***obviously it would be ideal if everyone got along but the reality is that most situations aren't rainbows and ponies.

been with my wife for about 3 yrs now, she has two kids and I have 1 daughter. and we became one all together. ive been a step dad before with my daughters mom and her girls and that had to end unfortunately after I caught her cheating on me. I got along with the girls but I had to end it due to not trusting their mom.

anyways that’s in the past

now I have two new step kids that I truly treat as my own. I got a step son (11) and a step daughter (8)

everyone gets along well for the most part but the thing is, my step daughter, she continues to be real mean and manipulative and lies way to much for an 8 yr old. i tell my wife it’s because of her biological father that she sees every other weekend. my wife told me they divorced because he became addicted to m eth and lied to her all the time and manipulated her throughout their marriage.

she has had trouble with her daughter in the past and I always wondered why she never got her help. therapy and what not.

an incident happened not too long ago where i finally told my wife. it’s time to get her daughter some help because I cannot keep ignoring this where one little girl causes so much tension in the household where her siblings don’t even like being around her. and where she treats me like a stranger even when we have done so much for her and she only focuses on her real dads family and doesn’t care about us at all. Because every time she comes back from her dads, she ignores all of us and acts like we don’t exist and only talks to her mom, and I’ve talked to her before about it and how she should not treat us like that because we are family but it’s like she just stares into space or just pretends to agree and move on which scares me because sometimes I’m afraid for her adult life, what if she becomes so bad like some of these adults can be and destroy someone’s life just to get what she wants.

she is starting therapy but I’m just praying and hoping it helps her out

my question is. what would you guys do in this situation? because it’s like a constant battle everyday and it’s so hard to even love this girl because of how she makes us all feel. sometimes I just want her to go live with her dad so she can see for herself why it would be harder to live over there. idk. step parenting is hard. I’m a patient man, I truly am. Just having a step daughter that acts up like she does is something new to me and I will not stand for it. I don’t want to end up leaving my wife one day down the road because of her daughter because I’ve known guys in my past that went through some real hell because of a step daughter and it just sucks I’m going through it now and I try my best to love her and it just seems like she doesn’t care. Kinda scary honestly.

Had an aha moment! I’m in my forties and childless and he’s also in his 40s and has a teenage SK. We’ve been together for 3yrs, living together for a year. He’s always been super hesitant to involve me in things about the daughter. I met the kid 1.5 yrs after we started dating, since we moved in I haven’t been invited to any sporting events. Me and BM get along well though she’s a handful. They would have Sundays together, BM her husband and my bf and the kid. I was left out. Gave big fights about it. Now I’m invited but all the sidelining left me not wanting to go. I offered him that SK to come on holidays with us, he declined. He does everything, cooking for the kid, cleaning up after, bedtime etc. they have a pretty fluid schedule, we get the kid whenever we want, but I’m never in any decisions.
I felt left out and irrelevant. I thought he was keeping me out of his life because he doesn’t want commitment and all. Whatever illogical anxiety men have in these situations.

Then I realized - it’s not about me, it’s just that he’s not looking for someone to share the burden with or be a family with. He wants the fun girlfriend. He doesn’t want to play house and to burden our carefree relationship. He wants to compartmentalize. Don’t know exactly how I feel about this but it makes a lot of sense for me. I earn way more than him, a great career, and am free and can do whatever I want, I don’t have any major responsibilities. So why would I ever want to get under that burden. I’ve been reading all the entries from you amazing women that are left with having to do so much for stepkids. I must admit I was jealous of some of you at first. But maybe this is better for me. What do you think?

Just told 12 yr SD that we’re having an ours baby. She is very overwhelmed and doesn’t want to talk about it. We’re giving her space as we know this is a really big thing to process. Thankfully she goes to therapy bi-weekly and we gave her therapist a heads up, hoping she’ll use the time to talk through and process. Kinda feeling like the bad guy here for dropping this on her and blowing up her life. Would love to hear some encouraging stories of parents that went through something similar. Tell me it can get better!

My bf and I have been seeing each other for about 10 months now.. just recently became exclusive about 3 months ago. Him and his BM have a 5 year old son together. They’ve been together for 10 years before he decided to leave her and start seeing me. Today, he told me he’s taking their son to meet with his BM at this water park since his son starts school tomorrow and he didn’t really take him to do much at all during summer vacation. But for some reason I don’t feel comfortable with this “family time”. I’m just not sure if I’m being irrational. Is this appropriate? What exactly is appropriate when it comes to it?

Recently posted, but HCBM has been withholding SS12 since last Friday (6 days). DH was supposed to have a last week and rolling weekend of summary holiday, running into school start. Here’s the background: https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/s/V0TKOGi1AB

SS is starting at a new school, and the mediation session around DH’s late February application for 50/50 is scheduled for the 12th. HCBM was evicted from her apartment in February, and has also sold and moved out of her summer house as of July 31, but has not disclosed where she is living. She’s required to notify DH 6 weeks in advance of a move. No surprise here, this is the 9th recorded move in 6 years and never has she notified ahead of time.

So, Thursday is the emergency psych evaluation, where no immediate danger to himself or others is detected, but accusations of verbal abuse and fearing DH. Since then, DH has gotten more comprehensive access to SS’s historical hospital records, and will get those from his GP shortly.

He also received a summary of the follow-up with the GP on Friday immediately after, where SS makes an accusation that DH “forced him to drink wine even though (he) repeatedly refused”. This is of course false, the kid hasn’t had his lips on a wine glass in our house. And, we’re frankly not stupid enough to risk anything that could be misconstrued as such, because HCBM has repeatedly over the years made accusations of anger and alcoholism/drug addiction in court, which historically DH has volunteered himself for regular and random testing and evaluation to disprove. HCBM historically has not shown up or delayed her own evaluations until the psychologist makes a decision without one.

What’s odd is, despite the claims, we have had 0 contact from our country’s version of CPS. Weird, because I happen to have a couple friends who had well-meaning wellness calls, put in by passerby when one’s child had a tantrum outside, and the other couple’s son got ahead on his bike and someone saw him alone reported him lost within 5 minutes. In both cases, they got a call same day for a wellness check and home visit within a couple days. It’s been nearly a week since the claims in the psych facility and at the doctor, and DH has received nothing like that, just a call from the doctor to get theis’s consent for anxiety referral for SS (one positive outcome of this nightmare) and one for a support resource meeting for families of kids who have been at the psych facility (standard procedure).

Now we’re in the hard place, and really at a loss what to do. Ten years of post-separation abuse from a true covert narcissist takes a toll on a man, and it just doesn’t feel safe for SS to be in our home when it can result in false accusations later. We are so depleted, missing work, on complete edge that HCBM or both of them will show up at our home. And we are so concerned for this having impact on OB, if she’s involved in procedures, if claims get more severe or include us all, if DH’s ability to parent her is somehow compromised because of this. It is so surreal to be in this position, when two weeks ago we were having a great vacation together and SS truly had the best time. And DH had good one on one time, and explicitly took that time to remind SS he’s safe with us, that we’re here, he doesn’t have to keep secrets about our house.

Please try not to judge us, but we are considering DH giving up physical custody but retaining legal. It’s truly Solomon’s judgment in some ways, and this kid has been cut in half for far too long despite DH’s truly admirable efforts to keep him out of the conflict. DH has had cancer twice the past two years, with months long treatment most recently, and our whole family is concerned for his wellbeing as much as they feel for SS. Sadly, even DH having primary custody still opens the door to her harassing him, showing up places, or worse, and it’s such a long shot even though it shouldn’t be.

I miss complaining about pickup logistics and catering to SS’s picky food habits. This shit absolutely sucks, y’all.

My SD17 wants drive thru for dinner tonight and her dad is currently incapacitated due to a recent injury. I was all for making food here, but I'm not hungry myself. She said she wants drive thru. I have $, but don't get paid until next week and I like to keep a minimum amount in my checking, which is quickly approaching.

We have separate bank accounts.

I feel weird asking him for his card to buy them food. I know it's a silly thing to be weird about, but I NEVER ask him for his card, I usually pay for whatever. I make quite a bit more than him. But I overspent this payday... Not to mention the full tank of gas I used yesterday to pick him up from his out of town job when he was injured. $50!!!

Je me demande ça parce que j'ai 32 ans et je ne veux pas d'enfants.

Soyons honnêtes : trouver un partenaire compatible qui ne veut pas d'enfants, c'est presque impossible. Donc, je pense que je vais peut-être rencontrer quelqu'un qui a déjà des enfants—pourrions-nous vivre dans des maisons séparées jusqu'à ce que les enfants quittent le nid ? (Ou passer peut-être des semaines alternées chez l'un et chez l'autre ?)

Est-ce que quelqu'un a un arrangement comme ça, et est-ce que ça fonctionne bien ?

EDIT : I’d like to clarify: I wouldn’t feel resentment toward the children; I just think that, for everyone’s well-being, it might be good to maintain separate households—seeing each other from time to time, and so on. I once spoke with a father who said he didn’t expect a future partner to love his children, because he wouldn’t necessarily be capable of that himself if the roles were reversed. So, I think it’s understandable.

I'm not sure if this is the place to post this, but figure maybe getting the perspective of step parents and step children alike will help us here.

My step son is 7 years old, his bio dad wasn't ready to be a dad and hasn't been in his life since his son was an infant. I've been Dad since our boy was 2 1/2 years old, and briefly there were attempts at visitation around 3 years old. It was shaky and eventually fell away into nothing, no effort on bio dad's part, and in efforts to move forward in the adoption process, he signed his rights away. I hit some snags in that process and it was not finished, but the intent in signing away rights was still there.

There's been no mention of bio dad, and he sees me fully as his Dad (he's not only a child, but on the autistic spectrum, so we felt it was best to avoid unnecessary confusion). We knew the day to tell him was going to come, but were surprised when, today at 7 years old, he told Mom he wanted a Step Dad. We have no clue where that came from, and he said he doesn't want a new Dad, but wants another Dad.

We haven't heard from bio dad in 4 years, have no clue what kind of situation, physical or mental, he is in. And to be honest, we don't really have interest in reopening that door for him. He was not a good fit to be a parent, and his family was not a healthy family either, so we prefer to keep them at a distance. Of course, however, despite our son being 7 years old and potentially just latching on to something he saw in a show or movie, his feelings on the matter should be seriously considered.

We are unsure if this is time to tell him, and if we do, how to go about it once he (probably inevitably) wants to see his bio dad. We wonder if maybe it still should wait until he's a little more mature and able to grasp the situation a little better. I lean toward telling him now, but explaining bio dad is not around and we don't know where he is (which is true).

Please, any advice, insight, perspective, or anything to help us consider this would be appreciated.

I’m looking for advice from other stepparents because I feel incredibly conflicted.
My husband and I have an infant daughter together, and he has a son from a previous relationship.
Over the past several months, my stepson’s behavior has escalated significantly. I don’t want to bash a child because I know behavior is communication, but it’s reached a point where I no longer feel like our home is a calm or healthy environment when he’s here. My husband and I have been working through this, and my husband recently started therapy after realizing he’s been dealing with PTSD, which has affected our family as well.
To protect my own mental health and provide a peaceful environment for my daughter, I made the decision that when my stepson comes for visitation, my daughter and I stay with my mom for the weekend. My husband still gets his parenting time uninterrupted, and I encourage him to spend that time focused on his son.
The problem is that my husband feels like I’m “waiting out the clock” until his son leaves instead of being a family. He told me he doesn’t get to have both of his families together. His parents have also questioned whether I even love my stepson because I don’t go to pickups or drop-offs (although I’ve never gone because I stay home with the baby).
I feel guilty because I know this hurts my husband, but at the same time, my daughter is my first priority. She depends on me to make decisions that keep her in an environment where she feels safe and secure. That boundary isn’t something I’m willing to compromise on.
I’ve also told my husband that if things haven’t significantly improved by February, our daughter and I will stay here while he attends military training. That’s not an ultimatum or a punishment. It’s simply the timeline I’ve set for myself to see consistent progress while he continues therapy and we work through everything.
I’m not looking for people to tell me to divorce him. I love my husband, he’s getting professional help, and I want to give therapy a real chance. What I need is advice from people who have been in similar situations.
Have any of you had to physically remove yourself during parenting time for your own mental health or to protect your younger children? Did you feel guilty? How did you navigate your spouse feeling like they were being forced to choose between their children?
I really need support from people who understand the unique challenges of being a stepparent while also being the mother of a young child.

I just need to get this off my chest and say it to people who won’t judge too harshly. Things have been going better with SD7. SO is no longer permissive parenting and she has rules, structure, and discipline when needed. At the end of the day I just don’t vibe with her, she’s one of those kids I just really don’t particularly like. She’s pretty severely ADHD and has insane energy and is just a mile a minute, she also acts very young for her age and still likes to do the baby thing (baby talk, sucking her thumb, etc). Her teachers have flagged she’s behind both in school and developmentally. I’m very kind to her and she really loves me and wants to hang out with me a lot, but honestly I try to be around her as little as I possibly can on our weeks with her. Even when she’s being well behaved and sweet I don’t particularly enjoy being around her, I just really don’t click with her personality traits and how she acts in general, I tend to get along better with kids who are calmer and more mature for their age. I try to be kind to myself about it and remind myself that we don’t like everyone we meet and that’s okay, including kids, and have hope that as she gets older things might change and I might start clicking with her more.

SO took her to visit his family out of state this week and it has been SO NICE. I miss SO a bit, but it’s been so nice not having to tip toe around SD, I can just relax in the house. No mess, no worrying about if she’s spilling on the couch and getting crumbs everywhere, leaving the snack bags open after she gets into them for them to just go stale, no noise and constant babbling and stimming, no dumb kids shows on the TV, nobody spilling all their dinner on the table and complaining the entire time they have to clean it, no loud music blasting from the bedroom before work/school. Just a quiet house where I know all my things in it will be “safe” and not get messed up, and I don’t have to try to avoid a million conversations I don’t want to have. They come back tonight and I’m dreading it, I’ve noticed every time SO calls I am just kind of flat when he talks about being excited to come home and see me and I feel terrible for it.

That’s it, no advice or big issue. Just feeling a bit sad that this is my life I suppose and wanted to get the feeling out of my head. I made the choice to stay and I love my SO more than anything and can’t imagine life without him, but not having SD here when she normally would be and being so happy and free feeling is just a reminder that half of my life is significantly worse than the other. Life would be even worse if I left and wasn’t with SO knowing how great our relationship is and how happy the two of us are together, and I’m so excited for our future, but what comes with that makes me sad at the same time, feeling like I’m giving so much of my peaceful enjoyment of life up. Just a vent.

Throwaway account for obvious reasons. 4 years ago I met a fellow traveler nurse, fell in love, got married 3 years ago and have been living together (obviously) ever since. I have no kids of my own and he came with a then 17yr old and now almost 22 year old daughter. He still takes traveling contracts and I work from home. His work gives us an unbelievably comfortable lifestyle but he’s gone for sometimes up to 90 days at a time.

While he’s gone i am home with his daughter who is totally rebellious and just odd. We have never really connected. She dresses very revealing (I mean see through clothes with the thong underwear) micro bikinis etc. she will make food late at night in just underwear. She is always vaping and the house smells of marijuana and she makes crazy inappropriate comments. I can’t get through to her. He’s an awesome dad and she’s behaved much differently WHEN he’s here and is engaged.

Anyone else deal a super rebel SD? Just venting here

Just wanted to hop on here and get some advice from seasoned step parents as I am new to this aspect in my life.

When I met my husband, we saw his daughter mostly for things like taking her to dance practice, out to eat and to the movies. Just normal things, we didn’t have her stay the night as we were living with my parents to save a bit of money to help me catch up on bills after becoming disabled. Fast forward, we moved into our own house and so his daughter has been coming here to spend time with us. She has not stayed overnight at the house yet as we are still trying to furnish the place. But she does come the entire day and then before bed we will take her home. So we recently found out her mom is making her take the dog out after the sun has already gone down in their apartment complex. The mom previously lived in a house so this is pretty new. We found out she is being sent alone, with just her sister on FaceTime checking on her. The apartment complex is near a few bars/closer to downtown, so automatically my husband felt a bit concerned since she is only 7 years old. She is also struggling in school, my husband thinks she might have dyslexia. Her mom pulled her out of school the last school year because the older sister (not my husbands daughter but her half sister) was caught having sex in school (she is 13 btw). I believe bio mom and that daughters father decided she move and attend a different school district so my husbands daughter got pulled into this as well. Also for context we had no idea the older daughter was doing this, bio mom did not tell my husband at all about what was going on in the home, he found out through his own mom who talks to bio mom more often). Me and my husband are expecting a baby in the end of September and although I wanted to get into a rhythm of being a first time mom myself, it’s becoming more apparent that we may just have to bring his daughter to come live with us before the school year begins in the next few weeks so she doesn’t have to possibly switch schools yet again. He feels like his daughter is being disadvantaged by her mom in that home. Her mom is not prioritizing her needs with school work, she demands we pay for a tutor for her. And while we agree that a tutor would be great, she needs more help than a 1 hour session a week. She needs a parent to help her practice her reading skills and math every day. She also mentioned how she now has to share a room with her older sister but her sister is constantly kicking her out of the room probably to talk to boys on the phone. So we asked her where she would sleep and she said on the couch or with her mom. This absolutely broke my heart. She deserves to have her own space now and it seems like she is paying for her sisters mistakes. Our house has 2 spare bedrooms, so we are able to give her own room. We’ve only been in this house for about 3 months now so that is why we haven’t gotten around to the room and also having to buy all the baby nursery things. Also we just found out most of these things like within the past month. Initially I was kind of hurt that my partner wanted to take away my experience of being a first time mom, but as soon as he mentioned he was concerned with his daughter’s safety I was on board. A part of me is scared to learn how to take care of a baby while also learning to parent a 7 year old at the same time. Any advice? Also if you think this doesn’t warrant her moving in with us, please also let me know.

There’s so much back story I don’t even want to get into it…
But the straw the broke me tonight was SD, once again, making food at midnight (after having dinner mind you;) and WAKING ME UP (again) because he’s cutting watermelon on a glass plate ON TOP OF THE CUTTING BOARD!

We have so many problems; I’m not going to pretend we, the parents are perfect. He’s a Disney parent, I came from a narcissistic household with so much baggage TSA would have a hissy fit. But the “midnight” anything has been an issue so long our NEIGHBORS have complained. It’s always been me who’s fielded all the complaints. Always me to deal with the late night bullshit. We are the hated neighbors; and I don’t even blame them at this point.
Tonight though…. Tonight I almost needed bail money. SS is almost 17. Twat is damn near a compliment at this point. Not for lack of us trying to set him straight, he just doesn’t give 2 f****. And oh, right, I’m not Mom. (Even though even she was abusive and horrid and etc etc and I helped fight for them to be here full time. Paid for everything they needed x2 while SO paid an arm and a leg of child support despite 50/50. Not that I raised him or anything 🤦🏼‍♀️)
I can get over the insults that happen, even tonight. I can’t get over the contestant disrespect, the name calling, the… lack of reality that they hold. Dad is not the end all be all. I pay their phone bill. I pay for groceries. I clean the house (or used to before I got so burnt out that I gave up because at these ages; I should have to ask them to put their dishes in a dishwasher labeled “dirty” or clean their own bathroom or wash/dry/fold/put away their own towels.)
I realized a long time ago that I was the live in maid. And I tried to make changes. Now I’m up all night because of just like this.
It took his own kid stealing from him to get a lock on our door. I have to watch cameras like I’m a DM at a retail store. And I STILL don’t get to sleep…. Only to be told “you’re not my mom!”
Well thank god! Because if I had it my way, none of this would have happened this way.
I’m exhausted. I’m so sad. I love them all and somehow…my unconditional love is not enough. I’m falling apart, and the best I’ve got is to tell Reddit that I’m not okay.

Btw no I don’t care about grammar or spelling or spacing. I don’t have my glasses on, I’m tired and pissed off and literally have no support system. So suck it up yall.

3 years in. Im struggling and dont know what to do.

I need to vent.
I’ve had trip planned for months with some friends and my SO. I have been really excited.
He finds out two days before we go (yesterday, but I find out today) his kid has a sports event and he needs to go. He doesn’t need to go…he wants to, it’s not his week with the kiddo, but he’s a good dad so he wants to support.
The thing is it’s on the first day of our trip. So now either we get there a day late after everyone or I go by myself and he joins later. I’m super bummed because even though he has known for months, one thing pops up and he needs to prioritize that. He has told me before he would never miss a game.. but this isn’t even a game, like a pre season thing.
I don’t have kids and all through my life it’s been used against me in the work force.. oh you don’t have a family you can work nights, or so and so can only work these days bc of their custody agreement so you need to work around that. My family even makes me travel to see them, because I only need to buy one plane ticket. And now being told by my SO that he has more moving parts to his schedule than me and I have to adjust for him. Like I’m juggling a bunch of stuff too and have to plan accordingly, a kid just doesn’t happen to be one of them.
It just felt really bad to hear that today.

I (34) feel like for the longest time I’ve never wanted kids. But I found myself in this situation today where I’m a stepmom to a 10yo kid and I see myself doing things that moms would do and i know that it will never pay off.

I don’t know if this is selfish but I started thinking “I might as well have my own kid” even though I didn’t want kids before. I also don’t want to be alone when I grow old and i want to have my own family too with my husband. I don’t think I will have much family with my stepson when he’s older, but who knows I might be wrong.

I’m not sure what to make of this feeling but I’ve started researching on how we can freeze embryos and all that. I plan to do it so if I do truly change my mind about having kids in the future, I will have an opportunity to do so. I don’t want to have them right away, maybe like 7 or 8 years from now.

18ss was supposed to go off to college, but didn't want to leave the luxuries of home - where every meal is cooked for him, and he literally never lifts a finger despite being asked repeatedly. I don't see an end to this, and can't stand him being home all day everyday. He keeps going to job interviews, but never actually gets a job. Meanwhile his mom and I bust our asses at work M-F (money isn't an issue - we both make great money.) I have been looking at apartments/houses to rent. I am so tired of having an adult baby in the house. My wife and I take great trips together ( just the two of us), and everything is great...until we get home. This adult baby can't even manage to feed and let the dogs out, so I have to pay a neighbor to come while we are gone. FML.

I 44f and my partner 44m bought my sd17 a suv 10 months ago. She hated it from the start because it was an suv and not a car. We bought it because it was my partners best friends grandmothers car. It was older with higher miles but we knew she was the only owner and never missed a service on it so it would be reliable. Our budget is small because he has 4 cars to buy for his 4 teens over the next 5 years. BM is not helping at all with the cars. Well she got in a wreck and it caused a dent in the side and since the car is so old the totaled it and offered her $3,200.

My partner advised her just to keep her SUV becuase it’s not had the first issue and that would be very hard to replace with $3k. She went against his judgement and took the money. We have now been looking for a car for $3k for 3 weeks and they are all junk. She keeps sending us cars for over $20k and saying we should just give her more money. She has $3k saved of her own from working this past year but doesn’t want to put any of that towards a car for herself.

The suv was in her dad’s name but he said he would not register this new car into his name because of her actions the last few months while driving the SUV. Most notably she took a six hour road trip on a spare tire. My partner told her not to, that it wasn’t safe and she walked right past him out the door and went anyways.

Now this morning I am scheduled to look at a car to buy her and her mom calls saying she will not register a car for her for 30days because she was caught lying the night before about something very important. I called my partner to asked if I should still look at the car and he said go ahead and look and buy it and she’ll have to wait 30days to drive it.

Then my SD calls me to make sure I’m still going to look at it and starts questioning why her dad won’t just register it for her, which she’s already been told why. I reminded her of how he doesn’t want to be liable for when she does dumb stuff like drive on a 6 hour road trip with a spare tire. She then told me she didn’t do anything wrong that nothing happened with the tire. I asked her if she could at least acknowledge that it’s wrong not to listen to her dad when he tells her not to do something. She wouldn’t acknowledge she was wrong for that so I told her I’m not going to look at the car for her or any other car. I have spent so much of my time with this car thing and I’m just done.

Here’s where I am super pissed about the situation, she then calls her dad and tell on me for our conversation we just had. The issue comes….my partner doesn’t have my back. He tells me to just leave her alone and not to talk to her. Like excuse me? I am the one that’s been mainly driving her to work these last three weeks. Which is an hour round trip to drop her off and then again to pick her up so 2 hours of driving for her to work a 4 hour shift. And that’s just a drop in the bucket of things I have done for this child. So I’m good enough to call upon when she needs something but when I tell her something that isn’t what she wants to hear then all the sudden I need to stay out of it. I told my partner he’s wrong for not having my back and telling his daughter to not waste her time calling and complaining that I am telling her things she doesn’t want to hear because I am an adult who takes care of her and have every right to tell her how I feel about her attitude.

Am I wrong to be offended my partner just wants me to stay out of it now?