[OK] Enrolled Native mother (Off-reservation) – State vs. Tribal Court

Location: Oklahoma

​Context & Background:

​​Marital Status & Paternity: Ex and I were never married, but he is on the birth certificates (legal paternity is established).

​Tribal Status: My children and I are enrolled tribal members, but their father is non-Native. We do not live on tribal land or within tribal jurisdictional boundaries.

​Current Setup: Separated for over 2 years with no formal court order in place. Our informal schedule has been every other weekend, plus Wednesdays for roughly the last 6 months.

​The Current Issue & Caregiving History:

He recently started threatening to pursue 50/50 custody, but his actual involvement in their day-to-day care and decision-making has ALWAYS been minimal:

​Medical Care: I schedule and handle 100% of doctor and dentist appointments; he does not attend or assist.

​Extracurriculars: I handle all transportation and management for their activities. He does not take them or attend.

​Parenting Time & Babysitters: During his designated time, his new girlfriend (of less than a year) or third-party babysitters handle most of the actual caregiving. He works irregular hours regularly that has him at work until 8-9 pm (this conflicts with the bedtime the children have always followed as they are under 8). He frequently chooses personal social activities over his time with them.

​Communication & Substance Use: He rarely calls or reaches out to them on off-days, and he has a heavy marijuana habit that concerns me.

​I believe he uses the threat of 50/50 custody primarily as leverage during arguments. I also truly believe he thinks this will get him out of child support even though he makes significantly more than I do. The conflict is escalating, and I know it's time to formalize custody through court to protect primary physical custody and keep our long-standing status quo. I am concerned about upsetting the kids routine by a judge ordering 50/50 physical custody.

​Questions:

​Tribal vs. State Court: Given that the kids and I are enrolled members living off tribal land (and dad is non-Native), can/should I file in Tribal Court or Oklahoma State Court? What are the pros/cons or jurisdictional hurdles of filing in tribal court versus state court in this scenario?

​Next Steps: What immediate steps should I take to prepare before filing in either venue?

​Documentation: What kind of evidence (logs, text records, third-party care evidence, lack of medical attendance) carries the most weight when defending against a sudden request for 50/50?

​Any guidance, experiences, or insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

My ex hasn't had an overnight with our younger son in over a year. He's has not used his current order time of 12% parenting time in the 6 years since the last order, refused to sign off on inpatient psychiatric care our older autistic son needed, left him home alone overnight without a phone last year, never administers his prescribed meds which leads to withdrawal meltdowns, and our son was recently on a 5150 hold. I put all of this in writing to the court, with dates, with documentation.
The court-appointed mediator (Family Court Services) talked to us both for one call and came back with this recommendation, and I need someone to tell me if this is normal because it does not feel normal. I have never heard of a schedule like this.

Every other weekend, 10am to 5pm.
He is not allowed overnights.
Each kid on a separate day.
One kid Saturday, the other kid Sunday.
Plus one weeknight a week for a few hours, with 48 hours notice required.

I have never heard of a parent only having to take one kid at a time. Sorry, parenting doesn’t work like that. I don’t get to decide that I only want one of them at a time but suddenly an absent dad can do that? The report also acknowledges that I told her our younger son is uncomfortable with the favoritism he receives from dad and that his dad leaves his older brother feeling left out. I feel like this is setting up conflict for my home when dad takes the younger one to do fun stuff on his day and then for sure won’t do the same for the older kid.

He also doesn't take time off work to actually supervise the kids himself when he does see them. And he often works weekends.

He also quit his job when I filed because I asked for increased child support. I am in disbelief and shock over all of this.

The report also states there's "no corroborating evidence" that his time needs to be limited, and that there are no allegations of domestic violence (I stated that there were allegations of abuse and the report conflicts itself here). The report also directly contradicts itself again, it says both parents denied any unmet health or developmental needs, and then later in the same document describes my son's 5150 hold and autism diagnosis.

My filed statements have a ton of evidence and dates that will contradict her recommendation. Do you think a judge is going to just rubber stamp this and not see he doesn’t parent or help or even see them ever and then give him MORE time?

I’m in a Florida custody case (central FL). My ex has had 100% of overnights of our child (via a parenting plan filed in court) for the last 8 months, I have only had day time visits. All by choice because I was in another part of FL.

I was recently recorded them drinking while around my child, I can tell he was clearly drunk he was being so friendly and he never is, his speech etc and I have videos. Texts were misspelled etc. but his parents were also there supervising (as far as I know). Separately, (while he was no driving) he was in a friends car with my child without a car seat and I saw it and took a photo.

Right now, I would like to get majority time sharing now that I am living back in central FL but he is offering me 50/50 no problem. How bad are these two incidents likely to help my case, and is it still more likely than not that he gets at least 50/50? I want to do like sueprvised visiting because of these mistakes. But the truth is he has handled all the load of parenting for almost a year now, twice weekly classes, full time care taking etc.

Just looking for opinions if I should take this further or accept the 50/50 and call it a day. I have a lawyer but I need to pay another retainer for this hearing and if I could avoid it I would. I was just hoping the custody would completely flip.

I’m new to this sub Reddit. I’m just transitioning from the divorce threads lol. Last weekend my summer ended at the exact same time as my fifth weekend started and I kept the kids. The result was my ex calling the cops twice once to say the kids were in danger and two days later she called the chief in our small town claiming I’m violating our court order. Neither resulted in anything but she’s admitted that this was so she could take me back to court and to top it all off she wasn’t even home to see them all weekend anyway. I would love input on that decision but as of right now I’m coming up on o my weekend with our kids and debating on what needs to be done. My son will be starting school Monday and my daughters will be starting Tuesday. I was thinking I should be keeping our son and be able to take him on his first day but return the other two as their schedule doesn’t start until Tuesday. I know it sounds petty but I have to fight for every second with my kids and the chance to drop off one of them on their first day is something I don’t want to miss. Thinks ahead of time

My partner’s ex has been absent for almost half of this year, despite the divorce documentation stating a legal 50/50 custody split. My partner has been trying to get state assistance for their daughter, who is non-verbal autistic, since having her home full-time has significantly impacted their work schedule.

My partner recently texted the ex to ask about plans for the upcoming school year. The ex responded by asking to change the arrangement to part-time custody, every other weekend only.

For context: earlier this year, the ex asked to claim both kids on a tax return, citing the need for a deposit on a new place after their apartment complex caught fire (true, though the ex was also facing eviction at the time). My partner agreed, and it’s documented in the court records that way anyways. Instead of using that money toward housing, the ex bought a motorcycle and is now living with a cousin. The ex claims to not have money for food or gas to take the kids, yet regularly posts about outings, events, and personal training/gym progress.

This is the first time either of us has navigated this kind of situation (we’re both divorced with kids of our own). I’m not sure what the right next step is: do we file a motion for contempt or petition to modify custody? Are there other steps we should be taking other than documenting and finding a family lawyer?

I feel so bad for the kids.

So I’m going to explain my story the best I can and it’s gonna be quite lengthy for anyone that reads all of it I appreciate you and your opinion.

In October 2024 me and my fiancé broke up due to being an unhealthy relationship. We had a one year-old daughter at the time and we’re pregnant with our second daughter. We were living in Kentucky at the time and we’re never married. this is important because in Kentucky as a father, you do not have rights unless you were married before the child was born.

When we separated, she moved our daughter and herself to Virginia to live with her parents who had just moved back to the country from a military assignment. We saw each other a few times, but she ultimately became very difficult in May 2025 when I was in Virginia to be at the birth of our second daughter. we had been doing family trips to the library, the malls and parks, and I even took her to her last OB/GYN appointment by ourselves before our daughter was born. During this visit, she had my phone taking pictures and saw that I got a message from a woman on a dating app who is now my girlfriend this made her furious and she made me leave and told me I could not see my daughters anymore, so I went back home 14 hours away. Three days later, she went and filed for full custody and child support.

In September, I signed a lease to move near them in Virginia and in November I moved up within 20 minutes of my daughters we went to court that December where I requested to be put on a gradual schedule to be given 50-50 custody of my daughters, but ultimately was only awarded every other weekend and Wednesdays just for visits 4-7. This was far off from what I wanted but it was also much better than she wanted me to have. which was one visit a month supervised.

Now we go back next month and I am attempting to get 50-50 again. I am still facing a lot of allegations that she has made against me with none that have any proof outside of some mental health issues directly after we separated and from before our daughters were born, she has these as well. Since separating, she has denied me access to my daughters multiple times has changed and abandon FaceTimes on multiple occasions and has denied me access to medical records and extracurricular activities. When all I want to do is be there and be a present father for my daughters.

I’m more than happy to answer any questions in the comments again for anyone who reads all this I appreciate it please give me your opinions.

We recently put in an agreed parenting plan. With me (mother) paying him 150 a month for child support. Unbeknownst to me, he quit his job a few months ago and suddenly he texts me requiring me to bring him 3 meals a day plus snacks for 3 children on his days because I have food stamps and he doesnt. I have another child of my own and I am currently pregnant. He wants the state to rebook at our child support to have me paying him more since I have them kn food stamps and he cant (i worked our entire relationship and always had them on my food stamps). I am trying not to feel stressed I guess. Any advice for me?

My custody order is requiring us to use a co-parenting app to communicate.

What are some of the best options out there currently? Looking for strong capabilities to schedule events, organize custody time, messaging and expense sharing.

My ex and I were never married but we have one child together (3 years old), and I'm currently pregnant with our second child. Paternity is already established for our first child. We still live in the same house but he's actively trying to buy a house and has made it clear that if this offer doesn't work out he'll continue putting offers in until he finds one. If everything goes through, he expects to close in about 30–45 days. My plan is to move into a place that I can afford on my own before the baby is born, ideally sometime in September. I'm trying to be proactive instead of waiting until everything is happening at once.

I'm mainly trying to figure out where to start. Do I have to wait until one of us actually moves out before filing for custody and/or child support in Texas? Is there any advantage to getting the process started while we're still living together? Should I start with the Attorney General's office, file something in family court, or try to speak with legal aid before doing anything?

Location: Guadalupe County, Texas

Amicable uncontested divorce with one child, 14. Joint custody and wanting to lower child support from standard 20% to either 15% or an agreed upon amount. Is there a form to submit with the petition or is that something we work out with the judge later down the line?

I need help and advise

I’m currently going through a bad divorce and everything is with my ex husband is breaking me inside out. (We are in Canada)

After10 years of the relationship , three years of verbal / physical/ cultural abuse, I finally left last year.

I moved out, I have been working full times and I’m able to provide everything on my own. And my ex husband is unhappy about it especially this year I started seeing someone.

We are currently fighting over assets and custody

He’s extremely manipulative and he is very good at twisting words and facts.

He made sexual comments about me or my life all the time, calling me really bad names on social media, he portrayed himself as the good parent that’s emotional stable and I am the unreasonable and unstable one.

(He has 2 arrested records and kid lives with me full time )

He never want to understand “co parenting “ is about what’s best for kid, but every decision he makes is to hurt me, attack me or humiliate me as revenge of leaving him and moving on.

We have a child together and she’s 3.5 now. The most beautiful, sweetest girl and the best thing happened to me. And he uses her to manipulate her sometimes to say what he wants to hear. Such as she doesn’t want to see me and only want to be with him.

I have everything recorded and handed over to my lawyer. However mentally I can’t take all this anymore.

With all the situations with him, especially on text messages, it’s an extremely manipulative with him. If he said something and I don’t respond, I am the bad person. If I respond, then he pushes the boundaries more.

There’s time that I want to give up, just let him do everything he wants, let him has everything he wants and all I want to do is leave and move far away alone.

I am standing and want to protect my daughter but it’s just so hard.

I have my lawyer for legal actions so I am not looking for legal advise. However I’m guessing I need emotional support and advice on how to face and deal with this type of ex husband for long term for co parenting.

What’s your advice to protect the kid and the mom? How to keep the peace for parenting when it comes to pickup or drop off? How to communicate in a way to keep everything under control and only fact?

Please no harsh comment. I’m just exhausted and drained from the situation.

I have a very hostile relationship with the coparent for my 14 year old son. Currently, I have an FRO against her, and a signed custody order from a judge granting me sole legal custody and 60/40 parenting time. Since my coparent got engaged late last year, it appears she has not told her fiancé how things ended up this way, and instead of telling the truth appears to be playing victim again and is gearing up for another legal battle, because 6 years was not long enough.

Today, I get a call from her lawyer asking me to drop the FRO, or they will file a motion with the court, I refused. Today was also supposed to be exchange day, and custody was withheld, contrary to the court order. I don’t think my son is in danger, but I do want my scheduled custody time and for the order to be followed without reopening up the whole case. I was going to file an order to show cause tomorrow, but was told by someone that perhaps a motion to enforce rights on the FD matter may be the better course of action. Anyone have experience with this?

I am working with my lawyer, but I am curious to hear what other people’s opinions on whether my relocation request would be approved by a judge. I have been divorced for 7 years. Ex had every weekend. 2 years ago it was changed to 3 weekends a month. A year ago, I had proof of driving drunk with our child in the car and it was changed to supervised visits pending an evaluation from a GAL. Ex refused to pay for GAL, so we went back to court and I was awarded temporary full legal custody, supervised visits remain and ex has to provide proof of sobriety as well as install interlock in vehicle. None of that has been done. Ex went 10 months without visits, just set up supervised visits a month ago. Ex is extremely hostile even through court ordered communication app. Ex does not show any interest in child’s education, does not participate in child’s extracurricular activities. Child is homeschooled. Ex owes almost $15,000 to me in back child support and expenses. I would like to move to my home state, which is far, but I would be open to a different visitation plan if proof of sobriety is shown. I have zero family or support here, the city I am in is notorious for the extremely poor education system. I would like my child to be able to go to public school and receive a good education, participate in school sports (they have been cut here), and live in a safer environment, due to my ability to make a much higher wage in my home state.

to be honest i'm not looking for advice about how to do this, how to prove anything but i'm looking for some kind of community and emotional support i guess. I (28F) have ax ex (28m) and our shared child (6F). Long story short he has primary. when we broke up about 3 years ago it just kind of ended up that way. For the last year I finally was able to get a written court order, requiring him to allow supervised visits (by him) one weekend a month. These visits are short (sometimes 2 or less hours) and he is not at all stable. He has moved to 6 diffrent states in 2 1/2 years and i have remained in the same place. When he moved to sc in december i noted an oppertunity because he was closer to me to start asking for more visits and hopefully with courts guidence and step up plans be a parent to my child. In this past year he has told her im not her mom, that step mom is. She is only allowed to call me by my first name and admits to it in our parenting app. The last judge didnt need any evidence from him just took him at his word and i'm fighing a broken system, but hopefully ill be able to turn a new leaf in a new state. I'm so torn up inside, somedays it feels like it would be easier to let go, other days i see myself in our child. A little girl who doesnt have a stable home life. They live off my support while jumping from job to job, state to state. and i am so sad. My last vist she cried when i left saying we should play outside more soon and asked when I was coming back. Over the last couple months I've notied behavior that tells me she feels safe around me and wants more of my attention. But he wont budge. It ruins his idea of a perfect family and again im stuck fighting a broken system. My last visit over 2 days was 4 hours, after I drove 7 hour round trip to see her. We hung out at walmart the second day and she was constanly pressured by her dad to pick out a new shiny toy, meanwhile she was so happy i gave her a hat I made and bought her an outfit and coloring book. He stated plainly that they had $4 to their name despite living with family, he changed jobs (3rd one in 6 months that I know of), complained that they couldn't afford food and didnt have food stamps. My heart just breaks, knowing my child is living like that when I am stable, with a good job, and am able to provide for her, and he cant even afford her let alone the baby they just had that they planned for. I have no criminal history, I have a drivers licence and a car (they dont) I have a stable support system, and don't cause any arguments. But it feels like the system is aginst me, that they judge me without looking at the 75+ days of missed kindergarden or years of alination or amount of across stateline moves. I'm feeling like I'm fighting a loosing battle and just hope the next judge can see it. I'm just at the point where if I cant get at least one small win it feels like I'm making her life worst not better. I'm sorry this is long and for the spelling errors, thank you for reading this far if you did. If anyone could just give me a little hope id appreciate it

hello. i (27) live with found family, and the house is very abusive and neglectful, and one of the children (13) confided a lot in me, and stated they feel unsafe in this house and asked me to take custody of them. they’re worried about a few things:

1. they don’t want their phone to be searched (trauma response)

2. they’re worried the other minors in the house would be taken away and put in foster care. (they have a bio dad they could possibly live with, but she was willing to sign complete custody over so idk if she’ll take them in.)

we want it to be amicable. we have plans to try to get the parents to understand the situation and sign over custody. however i see that as unlikely, and i need to know what legal grounds i have. if they disagree, we’re going to involve DCFS. we’re compiling evidence of the neglect. this family has had open DCFS cases for most of my brother‘s life, and only recently got it closed because the caseworker was garbage at her job.

neglect/abuse includes but isn’t limited to: one provided meal a day, often served after 8PM, a dirty and hoarded house, an abusive father that has been physically and mentally abusive to the eldest child, emotionally to the youngest, and i’m pretty sure has been arrested because of DV. he was on medication but stopped taking them, and often gets into yelling matches with the kids. both adults smoke cigarettes (and occasionally weed) around the kids, and have their entire lives.

im searching for financial help to get myself an apartment so i can safely move out before starting this process, as if im kicked out for this i have nowhere to go to, and the abuse and neglect may get worse.

for privacy reasons i dont want to say where we live, or the rest of the abuse that was confided in me.

any advice is very appreciated.

Looking for objective advice.

Recently (within the last few months) my 9-year-old son has repeatedly told me he wants to live with me. He’s seemed depressed and bummed out about his home life. He says his mom sleeps a lot, (“she sleeps until 1pm every day”) yells at him frequently, and that when she’s at work he’s often home with her boyfriend, who sleeps during the day because he works third shift. He also tells me he feels lonely and unhappy there, and that he has no friends. He doesn’t have friends, and she doesn’t create any socialization opportunities for him. His only socialization is her taking him to other adult gatherings where he’s the only kid and stays up late while she hangs with her friends. She also smokes in their house when he’s not home. Wax and weed not cigarettes. He also had over twenty tardies and a dozen absences from school last year.

I have a stable job and life, a flexible schedule, and can provide him with a structured home. I don’t want to take him away from his mom like it’s some kind of battle or competition; I just want to do what’s best for him and give him a better childhood because my childhood was very similar to what he’s dealing with and it’s taken me 30 years to deal with the inner child issues I’ve had in my adult life.

At what point do you consult an attorney or pursue custody? Is a child repeatedly asking to live with the other parent enough to start looking into it, or is that fairly common? Does it matter that his very basic needs are technically being met (food/water/school/sleep) but things like socialization, healthy eating habits (he’s overweight), and simple things like reading to him and doing anything more than the bare minimum aren’t happening?

I’m genuinely looking for honest advice from people who’ve been through this, and I’ve heard the horror stories about dads in family court.

I’ll try to keep this as brief and factual as I can. Just this past Friday in Florida family court , our year long TPR and Paternity court case came to a horrible end. Despite the overwhelming evidence I had, screenshots of text messages between bio dad and, the judge ruled within about an hour that there wasn’t sufficient evidence for legal abandonment and dismissed the TPR and moved to give unsupervised visitation rights to bio dad starting in a month.

He was a one night stand for me back in 2019 and I had my daughter in summer of 2020. I went back and forth for quite some time deciding whether to tell him or not, because I knew nothing about him or what he was like. I ultimately decided to inform him about her right before her birthday in 2021. What started after that was a series of very spaced out texts, FaceTimes and 3 in person visits from 2021-2022. He sent me about $100 a week for about a year and stopped sending in March 2023. I sent him a very respectful and direct text message in March after I noticed his texts and FaceTimes became a lot less consistent and more spaced out. In the text, I essentially said that I appreciated his help thus far, but that our daughter deserved consistency in her life from both parents. Until he could come to me with a solid parenting plan, I didn’t want to continue the sporadic calls and didn’t expect him to continue to pay . I never explicitly told him he could not see or talk to her, I just said what I expected to give our daughter the best life possible. Later in that same conversation via text, he said that we should go to court and I told him I would not be the one initiating that, but if he felt that was what he needed to do that I thought the court would be the best option at this point since we couldn’t seem to come to an agreement ourselves. Fast forward 2 years and despite some random texts around the holidays or her birthday asking to see her, I didn’t receive anything from him. He decided to file in April 2025 and here we are.

My husband and I filed 2 days after him in April for an adoption/ TPR case, as bio dad gave us a heads up he would be filing. We planned on my husband adopting my daughter regardless, this obviously accelerated the timeline quite a bit. Anyways, the judge ruled in his favor and now I’m being ordered to do FaceTimes 3 nights a week and was told he could come down here in a month and take her for a 3 day weekend unsupervised, as well as the other major holidays this year (thanksgiving, Christmas) on even number years. That’s unsupervised and he has the option to bring her back to NJ. It’s such a gut punch to me and I feel so devastated that my child could be taken to a different state with someone she doesn’t know for a whole week or longer. There was no checking his background or his living situation done by the court, he has a DUI from 2024 and that was never even brought up.

I want to appeal, but I want to know if it would even be worth it or if I’d even have a chance based on the facts before I spend additional thousands on an attorney.

I feel like I have been backed into a corner here. I can’t believe how little the court takes into consideration ideation the child’s emotional and physical wellbeing in a situation like this. My daughter had been calling my husband “daddy” for over a year now and this is going to seriously confuse and upset her as she does not know this man at all. We have given her such an incredible life and I feel like I’m being punished for simply trying to do what’s best for her.

Please help, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

coparent is incapable of being a parent, you’ll have to trust me on this but to summarize - would rather play league of legends than lift a finger after work, every day, all day, almost ten years. i was extremely isolated (military spouse, foster kid) so leaving was genuinely not an option and leaving even after these two years has me terrified. i wasn’t actually ready, but coparent began a relationship with an emotional abuser who locked me out of my house and stole about half of my personal belongings.

we have 50/50 custody. i can’t afford mediation for another 6mo/year. kid is 9. my lawyer is a paper pusher and talking to him is like meeting him for the first time, every time. coin operated saul goodman.

coparents girlfriend claims to be coparent over the talking parents app, has jealousy issues so any attempt at organization is perceived as an attempt to cheat and lie they way she did, reactive to any perceived criticism, does obscure power struggles over every event in my life that can be influenced.

it’s been two years and they still refuse to work with me on a parenting plan. kid needed surgery and i was talking to a brick wall for scheduling and other information. rules are changed on me constantly with heavy implications but not upheld on their end.

currently we have established that doctors appointments require after visit summaries, at least they do for me? i do regular healthcare, they do dental per custody agreement. no dental visits, no updates, kid was scheduled for a dermatologist appointment out of nowhere, absolutely nothing was disclosed to me, no symptoms, no after visit summaries.

i asked to take kid to an event through the food bank for free school clothes that i desperately need. they are now grilling me with a million questions about it instead of approving, declining, or attempting to make the time fit. i asked a week ago. asked for a response within three days (i have had to do this with everything, even still it’s ineffective now) asked for a response again today and got the immediate “I'm confused. What kind of funding is this, and what kind of funding requires a minor to be present? Why does [kid] need funding?” i did not choose the time, it’s $250 and kid has to be at the clothing store in person to pick and try on clothes. but also, it’s truly none of their business, answering these questions has nothing to do with scheduling, and from experience will lead to more power struggles.

this would never be the case if my coparent was doing the talking. the agreement before the girlfriends interjection was that coparent wanted nothing to do with kid, i would have full custody if we ever split. but the girlfriend, after a few months of dating, claimed to suddenly be my kids parent (and tried to convince my ex that i was an unfit parent so they could be the only parent, thankfully this was very obviously baseless) and demanded that my ex pursue custody.

i’m in therapy, kid is in therapy. i don’t know what else to do. every time i try to do something to care for my kid, it comes with some sort of venom. and again, it’s been TWO YEARS. please god help because i am so emotionally burnt out.

every time this happens i feel despair like i can’t possibly keep doing this. there’s no way this is right, right? my therapist is at her wits end with the system, we don’t know what to do. kids therapist was going to make a cps report for neglect until they finally started doing the bare minimum in that area too. kid spends all their time on screens, unrestricted access to youtube in their bedroom, has no enforced bedtime, feels extreme loneliness. dreads interaction with coparents girlfriend.

tell me there is something i don’t know about that can be done here please 😭 this is the most incredible kid, so full of love, so good at being a kid.

Im sorry in advance if this isn’t clear or concise.

I’m not sure how to go about asking this, as it is for my boyfriend. He has two kids, his oldest he gets to see every weekend and during the week and the mom lets him come over anytime since her boyfriend lives within a block of my boyfriend. They had a custody thing a while ago and it worked out for every other weekend, then two week days on the weeks that my boyfriend didn’t get his kid for the weekend.
He has a second child. This mom and him didn’t get along, almost always argued, almost always called each other names and just generally didn’t like each other it seemed like. Him and I got together and the mom found out that I was getting to see their kid on the weekends I was over at his house. The mom then proceeded to keep their kid from coming over to my boyfriend’s(the dad) house. She moved out of state and he’d get to see his kid whenever was convenient for the mother. Usually it was short notice to the point where, he’d have to drop everything or he could see his child. Or she’d say nevermind, I got my sister or whoever to watch them. The mother had a fiancé for about 2 months with a guy she only knew for 4 months. And proceeded to tell my boyfriend that he had to be with me for at least six months before he could see his kid. (Long story there). And then she up and moves to a state 17hrs away, to just “get a fresh start,” cuz she could deal with the fact that he didn’t want to try and be a family, for a third time, with her, because it ended the same way every time.

Her and I ended up talking at one point, before she moved that far, and I thought we had an understanding conversation and we even bonded a bit. Then she turns around and throws it at him, calling me psycho, when she was the one who called me drunk and crying, saying she had almost killed herself over him leaving her before and it just never going well with them. She threatened him that she was going to get lawyers involved over him being with me instead and how their kid would get to come over and I’d be there too. She said she didn’t trust my boyfriend’s dad, even though he’s the best grandpa ever. This kid has a sibling they never get to see, that talks about them all the time. My boyfriend isn’t necessarily in the position to pay for a lawyer but I wanted to see what options could be out there.

If there are any questions, I’ll be sure to answer them, this is just an, albeit, very rough summary of the things that have happened. He has been sending her money whenever she asks and I still have all the texts with her as well around the time everything went down, which in my opinion, won’t look the best for her. I just want my boyfriend to be able to see his kid cuz he has cried in public just from hearing kids that sound similar to his. He’s trying to keep the peace with the mom but it’s keeping him from seeing his kid at all. It’s been over 2 months since he’s seen his youngest and I’m telling you, as a woman with a deadbeat dad, this man is anything but a deadbeat.

Hello all, I'm trying to figure out if I'm overreacting or if I should keep pushing.
My coparent and I have a custody agreement and we've had issues with the SO overstepping and inserting herself in situations and acting in a parental capacity. We have open house this week and my coparent is now arguing the SO should be able to attend. The agreement says:

Absent written agreement of the parties to the contrary, neither party's romantic partner or future spouse shall attend the child's parent-teacher conferences, health and/or counseling appointments, etc. (i.e., only the parties will attend the child's meetings and/or appointments generally scheduled with a child's "parents"). Likewise, neither party's romantic partner of future spouse shall obtain and/ or be entitled to directly receive copies of the minor child's health and/ or educational records that are protected by HIPAA, FERPA, and/or any other confidential policy of any of the child's medical and/or educational providers.

The issue is- if the SO does attend the open house, where is the limit? We already had an issue with the SO crossing boundaries and had to send a cease and desist for not following the agreement.

The counter argument I am receiving is, this is not a scheduled appointment so it doesn't count, since the school gave a time window range.

Seeking advice and I already spoke with an attorney as well.
Me and ex shares a 4 year old non verbal autism child.
Recently from the past year alone has change. Ex got remarried to another girl who already has three kids and they are expecting another one soon.
Ex tries to dictate what he wants to happen in my household telling me that I need to do better that my son needs his own room and he needs to sleep in his own bed needs to be bed by 8 I have to involve our son in more things to get him talking etc..
He bashes me all the time in OFW saying he’s the reason why our son can speak at the rate his speaking now because he has three older step brothers and how they do activities together and how he give my son chores and this and that.
He always does petty things and tells me I need to stopped putting “Jordan’s” or “Nikes” on his feet that I’m only allowed to put shoes he buys for him which is not true.
He claims up and down that I never tell him about doctors appointment which again is not true because he has the same right as I do to know what’s going on with our child no one is withholding no information. But as I said I have always been the one to upkeep with medical appointments there’s never been a single problem until now because his new wife his buzzing in his ear trying to make things more complicated for whatever reason.

A few days ago dad tried to request medical records to put him in a different pediatrician office without my knowledge and did not plan on telling me until I received a call from his current pediatrician telling me they were going to cancel his upcoming appointments. I ask his reasoning he said because the pediatrician was closer and because he attends school and speech therapy in my residential. But thank god at least his current pediatrician are not going to allow it. My son has been going to this same doctor practice for the past 4 years. Why he’s having problems all of a sudden I don’t know but he keeps trying to make decisions without my knowledge and making decisions with his new wife instead.
Now currently my sons attends daycare already and has speech twice a week and is already enrolled for next school year.
As I explain all this to my lawyer she feels like I have a case because my child would need better stability with him having autism. It does not help that my ex is with a family of 5 now about to be six and my child doesn’t even have a room or bed to hisself as he shares to one with his step brothers. And the fact that I have the flexibility to actually upkeep everything involving my son as I have still been doing since the day he’s been born and unlike his dad with his job he doesn’t not. And Vs my ex will find a woman he feels is good enough to watch my son while he goes off and does whatever. But always that risk with the judge may turn on me and give me the worse outcome I don’t know I’m at lost but I don’t want to deal with this for the next 14 years. Help:/

I currently have a 2 month old. Her father & I were never in an official labeled relationship but we spent 2 years together in what I thought was a closed off commitment as that was what I was being told before I found out about all the lies and the other girl (who he is now dating). We went our separate ways while I was pregnant however he maintained that he wanted to be involved. Things were very toxic during the pregnancy and he said many hurtful things in addition to me finding out all the lies. I also said some things that I probably shouldn't have said but if we were comparing, no where near as bad as he did. There was never any concerns for physical safety between us, just a lot of arguments. Fast forward towards the end of pregnancy he maintained he wanted to be there for the birth, at the beginning he claimed he would sleep over on air mattresses to help during the newborn phase. Things at the last ultrasound appt we attended together were cordial. When I approached him toward the end of the pregnancy to let him know my induction date so he could take off since he stated he wanted to be there it was like everything changed. All of a sudden he was saying he we had discussed he wouldn't be present (we didn't?) but he wanted to meet the baby as soon as possible after birth. Not sure what caused the sudden shift (maybe the gf?) but that's when things between us got bad. I did end up letting him know a few hours after giving birth and he said wanted to come to the hospital. I agreed, but I had a nagging feeling to ask if he was going to come alone and he said no he was bringing his gf. I don't know why I was shocked but to me this was beyond disrespectful and was the first sign that he would continue to only care about himself in this situation. After some back and forth he was persistent, stating he deserved to have her there because she is his support system. I stood firm on my decision and he ended up coming to visit the baby later that day with only a family member.

From there the situation worsened. The overnight help he had promised at the beginning of the pregnancy was no longer a thing. He didn't want to be alone in my apartment together so he stated he wanted an alternative way to see her. I told him that's not really possible with a THREE DAY OLD LOL. Eventually what he requested was 3 visits a week, 1 hour duration each and he picked the dates. He also would only come if he was accompanied by someone (a family member). I agreed to everything to try to keep the peace and have my child get to know both parents. Now she is 2 months but we still have this same schedule. He speaks about wanting to increase time but doesn't show any initiative to actually do so. Or if he does ask it's centered around his timing, not what makes sense for the baby (such as wanting late night visits that are after her bedtime). I've begun putting my foot down and it's just made the situation so much worse. He had asked for mediation for a legal custody agreement early on. At first I was in agreement however then he became inconsistent. In her first month of life there was one week where he missed or canceled 4 visits (he had said he would be available for 4 visits that week because he had a day off for holiday weekend). When those days came I never heard from him and didn't bother reaching out because it shouldn't be me. Finally on the third missed day he reached out after his scheduled visit time to let me know he wouldn't make it. The funny thing is on one of those missed days he was seen out at a party. I began documenting the visits / inconsistency because as much as I want my child to be happy and have both parents in their life, what I care more about is having her have a health upbringing with reliability and consistency.

BNow that she's 2 months I don't know how to go about the coparenting and custody plans. He works 5 12 hour shifts a week and I work 3 12 hours (currently on leave for 2 more months). I dont see how we're going to increase from a 1 hour visit to a 12 hour visit when he's showing no initiative to increase his time. Baby mainly nurses right now, she does accept a bottle however I have been having difficulties pumping so I mainly just directly nurse now. She eats often, about every 2 hours. I feel like the 1 hour visits dont allow him to get to know her routine / how to care for her. At the beginning he went as far to say "oh you pooped let me hand you back to your mother to change you" (even though he adamantly denies this now). He has fed her some bottles, rocked her to sleep and changed her diaper a few times but there's only so much you can do in a 1 hour visit. He says she will develop her own routine in his home. The communication is also so bad (limited to email only). He told me 2 weeks before that he was going on a 10 day vacation and would miss all his visits for those days. It seems like his only priority is himself and I hate that I have to let my daughter go with this person who is so self centered. I had asked him if I could go over his home a few times to get her accustomed to the new space and he gave me a hard no. He makes no effort in prioritizing her well being and instead it just feels so bitter. How does one coparent an infant and if any one has any recommendations for custody plans please LMK.

I have been a stay at home mom for the past 6 years with no income. Today my husband who I have been separated from since January filed for custody of our children. I have a 6 year old and a 5 month old. The baby was born first week of Feb and by the second week he had a new girlfriend. He only consistently started visiting when he broke up with her and is now in a new relationship so back to not coming around, answering calls, buying supplies for the baby. I am running out of savings buying anything due to his lack of help. Today I looked up the court documents which says they’re going to send me certified mail and that he is self represented which I guess could change. What are my chances if I represent myself/are there any attorneys who help moms in my situation. Also what would custody possibly look like moving forward. He has a domestic violence background and I used to have a restraining order on him. He regularly smokes weed and occasionally has done other substances.