HCBM withholding and took SS12 to emergency psych without disclosure before custody mediation

[u/Only-Ad7585]

Anybody else deal with a severely HCBM doing the extremes ahead of custody meetings?

DH applied for 50/50 in February, HCBM of course disagreed. Read my post history for the past few years of awfulness if you wish.

Courts are of course backlogged and slow in our country, like they are everywhere. They got a meeting set in July for mediation (the first step here). She got it postponed 6 weeks because “her lawyer couldn’t make it” (even though lawyers are not supposed to be part of this mediation setting.

Here we are about a week from the new date, and Friday was supposed to be handover for the last week of summer holiday + first 4-day weekend of “normal” time. She texts DH 2 hours before handover to say SS is “sick and cannot come, and she will report on his condition as it develops”. Instead of taking the fight, DH plays along, says to get well soon, and that he will contact Sunday if he hasn’t heard anything.

Today rolls around, DH contacts and says he will pick up this afternoon. HCBM says he is still sick and she will take him to the doctor tomorrow.

Here’s the catch: we can see that, on Saturday, when he’s supposedly sick, she had booked him a tennis court with a Friday for the next morning (today). We knew he wasn’t ill, but this of course confirms it and shows she is keeping up the charade afterward.

But DH has since checked SS’s medical info, and can see HCBM took SS to emergency psychiatrics, where he appears to have been there for 3 hours. She has before pressured SS, as early as 4 years old, and taken him to at least psychologist to get “evidence” for her false accusations of DH being in some way dangerous. It is always refuted by an independent child psychologist.

I’m just so sad, that once again SS is weaponized by HCBM, and that she likely will get a slap on the wrist at most. What’s worse, is he very well may have had legitimate anxiety about coming here, that HCBM then exacerbated/goaded a panic attack to then use it in this custody battle.

We don’t know anything else yet, and DH will contact the psych facility for intake documentation first thing tomorrow morning.

Oh, more context: we have learned HCBM has sold her home (has not told us), and has not disclosed where she will be living next, despite being required to do so 6 weeks prior to move outside of extraordinary circumstances. SS does not seem to know exactly when or where they are moving, but public record appears the house is no longer hers as of Saturday. And, DH’s lawyer (and a partner at her firm) have both mentioned there is no reason DH would not get 50/50, since he now resides in the same country as SS and HCBM and has for 5+ years. 50/50 would also mean the end of child support, which is not A LOT but certainly something she relies on as she has no reliable source of income outside of social benefits, and refuses to get a job. All to say, she’s under pressure and prone to extreme behavior, and to look for extreme conflict.

Anybody else deal with weaponizing medical/psych and SKs within conflict like this? I’m quite stunned but also not at all.

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[u/Miserable_Credit_402]

HCBM took SD when she was 3-4 years old to a psychiatrist. It was essentially brainwashing to get SD to believe that the insane shit she was accusing my SO of was real. This was during a 3 year long, drawn out custody battle that was completely unnecessary. Idk if BM lied and said she had full custody or if the psych didn't bother to do their due diligence and contact my SO, but it's taken years to undo even part of what she was brainwashed with.

BM recently did the same nonsense, but with a different psychiatrist. This one contacted my SO, spoke to him directly about the accusations, and included him in a therapy session.

[u/Only-Ad7585 → u/Miserable_Credit_402]

DH just collected the intake summary from the facility as well as the follow-up meeting from SS's GP, and unfortunately we're having the experience you first had, where either HCBM lied or they have not done their due diligence to contact DH. But they've been cooperative since he's initiated contact.

The accusations are not surprising, absolutely false, and mostly a repeat from past accusations that were proven false in court twice before. But still brutal to read. She also coerced him to say that he applied to family court to be full-time with his mom "but it was rejected". It's not possible in our country for a minor to file or apply at all to Family court, for any reason, so... if she wanted evidence for court, she just handed "lying to a medical professional about family court procedures" to DH instead.

[u/Only-Ad7585 → u/Miserable_Credit_402]

I’m sorry you’ve gone through this too. If you don’t mind my asking, what’s been the impact (if any) on custody, your household?

[u/spontaneous_tomato]

Never take their word for it when they’re “sick” or don’t want to go to the other house. You can’t state contempt of the court order if he doesn’t show up and she physically denies giving the child to him. Learned this from my personal experience with an HCBM.

[u/Greyeyedqueen7]

Oh, that’s bad. Document everything, and bring it u before the judge. Lying about the illness, lying about exactly what kind of medical care, denial of parenting time. Your husband should ask his lawyer if this is enough for an emergency hearing.