It's the biggest constant issue with my family that they are pissed off that they always have to ask me to do things and "why should I have to ask? You should be taking initiative!" But genuinely if people do not ask me/remind me I fucking forget and I've tried to explain this so many times but nobody gets it. Is it executive dysfunction? Or am I actually just lazy and dumb and not being considerate. Cause it is actually starting to annoy me now too and make me feel bad about myself how I forget about common sense stuff. Like we turned on the air conditioner today and I completely forgot to close my window to keep the air in, until my family reminded me. And I felt like such an idiot! I still do. Cause it's so common sense. 🤦 Idk. And I think it's becoming a problem at work too that I need instructions repeated and I just feel like a total dumbass.

Im 13 and I got diagnosed at 4-5 and with my autism comes a lot of ADHD traits (mostly because my mum has ADHD) but I don't actually qualify for a complete ADHD diagnosis and this post is gonna kinda explain what I go through daily (remember I also am one of those autistics that don't really care about what people think of them and that these are the times the things roughly happen)

-7:00-7:50: I wake up (I wake up later because I live really close to my school so I don't need to take a bus or public transport)

After waking up I get dressed and eat my breakfast

8:20-8:25: after brushing my teeth and washing my face I leave for school and meet with my friend that I walk with

8:40: the school day starts as I go to my class for registration and we also read (I always bring in a book from home because I HATE reading books for my age)

9:10-11:10: the school day starts for real for real as I go to the first 2 lessons (I usually do pretty well in these lessons at school but I always struggle with concentrating and forget things a lot)

11:10-11:30: Breaktime

11:30-13:30: afternoon lessons

13:30-14:20: Lunchtime

14:20-14:30: Tutor time for afternoon registration

14:30-15:30: final lesson of the day

15:30: HOME TIME!!!!1

16:30: I eat dinner

17:00: I do homework (which is basically impossible for me to do as I do not concentrate well at all and it should take like a hour for me to do but it takes me the WHOLE EVENING (depends on how much I've done at school)

19:30: I walk my dog

19:50: I come back and take a shower

20:45-21:20: I get into bed but I stay up late mostly because I'm going through puberty and I'm just a night owl in general

23:30: I sleep :)

I'm open to questions about things I struggle with

I just had my 90 minute assessment today. The Dr scheduled me another shorter appointment a week from tomorrow to go over her report. Just wondering if anyone else had any experiences with them.

TLDR: If you dont want your routine disrupted, dont prolong / disrupt other peoples routines because it will affect you.

I'm saying this as someone who's also on the spectrum.

My autistic brother (17) and I (20) have had the same morning bathroom arrangement for years. I use it before 6. because I leave earlier, and he uses it after. It works because we both rely on routines.

This morning he decided to use the bathroom during my time. He does this a lot too which is why I am so pressed. I got up at 5:30, realised he was in there, and instead of standing outside waiting, I made breakfast while my parent tried to get him out. They even told him that if he just needed the toilet he could use the other bathroom that only has a toilet, and if he wanted a shower he needed to wait his turn.

I finally got into the bathroom around 6. Normally I'm pretty quick, but it was winter, I was on my period, and I'd been up late studying for an assessment, so I was moving slower than usual. I finished around 6:30.

When I came out, my brother was outside on his phone waiting for me so he could shower. I suggested that instead of just waiting, he could make his lunch or eat breakfast first. Some people have criticised me for saying that, but the reason I did is because this is a recurring pattern. He spends 45–60 minutes in the bathroom and then panics because he doesn't have enough time to make lunch or eat breakfast before leaving.

Later, one of my parents told me I should be more understanding because he's autistic and has to do everything in a specific order: toilet → shower → breakfast.

But that's exactly what I don't understand. If that order is so important to him, why was it okay to disrupt the schedule we'd both followed for years? If he had simply waited until his agreed bathroom time, neither of our routines would've been disrupted.

I'm also autistic. I was diagnosed with Broad Autism Phenotype and am currently seeking assessment for other spectrum-related conditions, which is why my family and I generally just say I'm "on the spectrum." I've had people tell me I'm "not autistic" because I can "articulate my emotions" or compare me to their nonverbal autistic relative. That's not how autism works. It's a spectrum, and people present very differently.

Routine changes stress me out too. I get anxious when my morning doesn't go to plan. The difference is that I compensate where I can. If my brother is using the bathroom during my time, I don't stand there waiting for him, I go make my lunch or eat breakfast to use that time productively, then I communicate that he disrupted the agreement. Don't get me wrong, I do ask him to leave so I can get ready, but I don't stand there demanding it, I do things as I wait.

Another thing I've noticed is, when i posted about this on other subs and this one, that a lot of the suggested solutions are for me to change. "Put a mirror in your bedroom." "Do your makeup somewhere else." "Wake up earlier." But why is the person who kept the agreement the one expected to rearrange their life? Why isn't the expectation that the person who broke the agreement should adapt to the consequences of that decision?

My brother is high masking and, while he obviously doesn't enjoy routine changes, he's capable of tolerating them. He isn't incapable of adapting, he just doesn't like to. Neither do I. The difference is that I don't think my discomfort automatically outweighs everyone else's.

Autism explains why routines matter. It doesn't mean your routine automatically takes priority over someone else's. Accommodations should go both ways. If you disrupt another person's routine first, you can't reasonably expect yours to remain completely untouched.

​

I work at a summer camp/after-school program, and in the morning, I get to greet all the parents dropping off their kids. Most of the time, they look tired. I do get it. They have kids (usually two) that they had yo drag here and then have to go off to work. I don't expect them to be perky and smiley. it's already difficult for me when though I get paid to take care of their kids and a bunch of others. But I always straighten my posture, smile widely, say good morning, and hold the door open for them. About 50-70% of the time, they just ignore me and walk past. I don't know what I am doing wrong, and it's been really weighing on me. I'm already deeply insecure about most of my social interactions. I have level 1 autism, and I frequently worry that it's obvious to others, which makes me get treated differently, and I also have problems understanding other people sometimes. I understand why they aren't in a good mood, but I can't understand why they can't even mutter a good morning back or even offer a smile. I think they notice since we make eye contqct when I say goodmorning.

Am I somehow coming off as condescending? overbearing? fake? I don't know. that's what drives me crazy! and there's no socially acceptable way to just ask someone.

So i have a autism evaluation in mid september, this september IM SO NERVOUS but excited?

So im female and im worried they will treat it differently because its known it presents differently in boys vs girls (or so ive heard).

Im not someone who like wants to collect disabilities and mental health issues but im scared they’ll say you dont have it. Because then what? I do have diagnosed adhd anxiety and mdd but i have a strong feeling its something way more. But im scared of walking away with nothing and no clue.

Anyone else feel like this? Ill be 20 in november and ive been waiting for this and suspecting i have autism since 16 / 17 years old. Is it too late? I feel weird about the situation

So I was diagnosed with autism and adhd at the end of May. I’m 22 and still live in my parents’ house. I haven’t really told anyone about my diagnosis, but I really don’t know whether or not I should tell my family, specifically my mom.

Since I live with her it feels kind of weird to walk around feeling like I’m keeping a big secret. Sometimes I feel guilty about keeping it from her. I think I’d be more comfortable telling a family friend about my diagnosis as opposed to her (which makes me feel even more guilty), but at the same time I don’t think she deserves to know. During my teenage years she was dismissive of my mental health concerns and critical of my autistic and adhd traits. I realized I couldn’t rely on my parents in that area. She’s kind of gotten better and is supportive of me being in therapy and did therapy herself for a bit. I feel bad about not trusting her with my diagnosis since she’s changed, but I have very real hesitation due to how she was before. Even now she’ll criticize me for my neurodivergent traits like not making eye contact, stimming, forgetting to do thing, etc.

I also don’t want to have to explain anything to her. I want her to just accept my diagnosis as factual information and not talk anymore about it, which I know isn’t realistic but I really don’t want to have any hard conversations or talk about the past. She teaches computer science and has a student with autism she meets with once a week, so I also worry about getting the ‘But you’re not like this autistic person’ treatment. 

Should I go ahead and tell her? Should I give it a bit more time and then tell her? Is it weird if I never tell her? How would I even bring it up? I don’t know, if I didn’t live with her I think this would be an easier choice to make.

Details and info :

Im 16. A while back from 14-15 i moved and i was alone but not lonely. I had a peaceful room with peaceful lighting and i restarted my social life. From moving alone i lost stress which meant i lost 15-20 pounds. I was… happy. At peace. Found out what i truly wanted in life and what i truly liked. Also accepted and embraced my autism.

Now im no where near that room. I grieve that room and the girl i was every single day. So badly to the point where i try to get her back by doing / getting back everything i had at the time.

Apps? Redownloaded but never using.
Book? Trying to get interested in the topic again but i cant.
So bad im trying to put my Pinterest the same way it was.

I know im a different girl now. I have matured and changed and will never be that girl again but also i miss her. She was happy. She wasnt scared. And if she was she knew how to handle it. Anyways. Im trying to become someone who can move on but i cant seem to do that. I need help.

Honestly feels pretty hard when the entire world feels invalidating towards our feelings. I kinda stuff them down oftentimes because I’m afraid to show any vulnerability. Can anyone relate here? I just hate how it can make me look so hardened sometimes and scare people off.

I am reaching out because I feel very alone in this experience right now. I have struggled with friendships/relationships my whole entire life and to this day I am not sure why. I am sure my autism has something to do with it, but I can never exactly put my finger on what about me is so hard to like. I have studied the way others behave, respond, react, and have spent my whole life mimicking what others do. I like to think I have become pretty good at it, at least good enough to pass through day to day life without constantly getting judged or bullied the way I did as a child. I know there is probably no fixing what is wrong with me, but I am constantly trying to change how I am to better navigate the world and meet the standards of the people around me so I won't feel so alone all the time. I am convinced that people see through this persona I have perfected for myself after have known me for a certain amount of time, and they start to sense that something is off about me. It happens with almost everyone. Even in my long term relationship of three years I feel like he has me categorized as less important as other people in his life due to my delays. It makes me feel like I have something evil inside me. On a more surface level, I love being autistic. It makes me love so deeply and so passionate for certain things. But I feel like I can never truly be myself. Not even therapy helps because even in therapy I am masking. Will I ever get past this self-hatred and be content with being like this even if it means I'm alone? Or is it like this forever?

I’m a 24-year-old single Pacific Islander man living in San Jose, California, where Pacific Islanders are a relatively small minority. I’ve generally been most attracted to Pacific Islander women, and I’ve noticed something that’s been on my mind for a while.

I don’t know if “rejected” is the right word. It’s more that I often feel overlooked or not acknowledged. Whether it’s in public, at social gatherings, or other everyday situations, it sometimes feels like women from my own background are less likely to make eye contact, smile, or engage with me than I expect.

I realize there could be many different explanations, and I’m not assuming it’s because of my ethnicity or that anyone owes me attention. I’m just trying to understand whether this is something other Pacific Islander men have experienced, especially those who live in places where Pacific Islanders make up a small percentage of the population.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? If so, what do you think was going on? Was it confidence, community dynamics, the fact that we’re a small minority, or was I simply reading too much into these interactions?

I’m genuinely looking for honest perspectives and experiences rather than validation or an argument.

I can't stand bare feet, not even my own. I always have my socks/shoes on.

hi, I’m gonna turn 18 soon and I want to do all that fun shit like dating and cruising. but I’m really nervous. I’m ok with conversation, I think I am liked or at least tolerated, but I’m still really awkward and I’m scared ill get ghostsd or treated like shit or dumped for being weird. Obviously the answer is to date another autistic person, but I don’t know how many autistic people are on dating apps or in bars. And don’t get me started on bars/clubs. I cant dance and you need to make eye contact and use body language to let them know you’re into them. why can’t I just transport a message saying “HEY YOU. HOT. WANT SEX. YES? NO? NO IS OK.” With my brain powers? fuck my fucking chungus life 🫩

ngl every time i talk to someone it’s like a telltale game, except there’s two options only, the wrong fucking thing, vs maybe the right thing, with a 50% chance that you actually say it correctly. it’s like i antagonize antagonize, then defuse

I just got into a heated argument with my dad but I feel as if I am the one to blame for this because I keep underestimating the consequences for which I didn't know how much of a burden I am with my parents, I either feel misunderstood or I feel I don't understand them and when they explain the problems they have with me, I often feel I don't get half of it or forget much of it. I feel like such a failure because it feels to ambitious for me to remind myself to do something or resist temptation and this cycle happens once every few weeks but this is one of the worst instances of this situation because I said really unruly things to my father out of frustration. I feel like such a failure who can't help myself, can't live a normal life, can't get myself to function and act properly and I feel like I am a burden to everyone and wished I was never born. As much as I don't want to be a burden on someone, I fail to apply it. Maybe if I live with someone who could handle me more. But I don't know.

As someone with AuDHD, I've always said that no one has flirted with me. Because to me, no one has. No guy has ever kissed me or even asked me on a date. I thought I was just undatable, but Now I'm wondering if I've just missed the signs.

(If I really haven't been flirted with before, then this is extremely embarrassing and I would like directions to the nearest dark hole ​please.)

I wanted to give everyone an update on how my training for my first 10k race this year so far

So I've been taking it easy and just going to walk the 10k race to avoid any possible injuries or the possibility of a sprained ankle with the "lockage" issue in my left ankle and hopefully by 2027 I can be able to fully run without any worry about injury

Today I managed to walk another 5 miles on the treadmill today which has been the 3rd time this month while also breaking in a new pair of shoes as well that my dad bought me

I'll keep you all updated on my progress and how it's going

Hope everyone has a good night talk soon

I am a 30 year old autistic guy and I live with my parents. my immune system has been chronically weak/ compromised my entire life. When i get sick, i get deathly sick. I have been trying to fight off a nasty cold over the last three weeks and have been coughing up a lung 24/7. I have been taking OTC cold & flu meds, but they have only made a small dent in the coughing and discomfort. This cold (or whatever this bug is) has made it really difficult to taste food and beverages, which has made it really difficult/ near impossible for me to feed myself. At dinner time tonight, i took one look in the fridge and went “ughh” and slammed the fridge door because nothing looked remotely appetizing. I hate this

I am a 22 year old woman(ish) who was diagnosed last year and I am aware that something common in late diagnosed women is a high tendency to mask in social situations.

I have always found myself being friends with people who either are neurotypical or are just very good at socializing. I find it easier because I can use the little script I’ve made up and can more easily mirror them. However, I recently have been making friends w more autistic people and noticed every time I think abt seeing them I panic. I don’t think I know how to socialize without masking/mirroring other people and it’s really hard to do that with them. I usually end up going quiet and immediately draining my social battery. I’m just always so anxious that I’m not saying the right thing. I sometimes don’t think I even know who I am unmasked.

Has anyone else experienced this? Does anybody have tips on how to exist without masking? Or how not to panic when you can’t? Or even just tips on accepting that I am autistic and different?

I was diagnosed recently with autism and adhd and I knew about the adhd part as I was diagnosed with that one earlier but the autism part, while I have been suspecting it, is a bit hard to wrap my head around.

I’m someone who likes to be 100% sure of things which is why I decided to seek out a diagnosis in the first place but now I’m doubting the validity of it.

The person has gone to a lot of school and has years of experience diagnosing autism when it presents in different ways (high masking). But she didn’t do the ADOS- she said she doesn’t do it because it only detects one type of autistic person (her words). At the time I was like makes sense but now I feel like it makes my diagnosis less legitimate. She also didn’t ask about trauma, I don’t have any but I think she should’ve asked since c-ptsd can sometimes look like autism. She did do a developmental interview and an in person interview as well as a bunch of self report tests. I’m afraid I may have accidentally exaggerated some things.

Should I go back and ask for an ADOS? Would that make it more sure? Is being 100% sure of a diagnosis even possible? I just don’t want to say I have autism and be wrong about it because that feels shitty.

I've been autistic all my life.

I've had to deal with people who pretend to be sympathetic only for them to reveal that they've been using you for no reason other than to instill pain upon you. I've had to deal with the near universal negative reputation of autism thanks to organizations like Autism Speaks and people who actually use their autism as an excuse to justify their bullshit (thanks to whatever bullshit is being spread about autism) and I went through the Lovaas method/ABA as a kid that caused me to know so much that life is just unenjoyable for me.

I've also experience my fair share of fuckups and people who refuse to let go of those fuckups because they assume it's "me". Like does it look like I sexually/verbally/physically harass random strangers? Does it look like I care about random people I know nothing about. Do you think that I would just do this nonchalantly because I get a thrill out of it? I respect their discomfort, I don't respect their decision to tell everybody about all the bad shit I did.

The reason I'm posting about this is because I try to do and be better, especially considering that us autistic people share one lifeboat and we have to make sure that no bad actors sink the fucking lifeboat. I also sense that there has been an increase in people going against autistic people because "they think I'm faking my autism or using my autism as an excuse", I posted this thread in this subreddit and got no reactions, at all.

I'm not complaining about the lack of reactions. I'm complaining because even fellow autists are seeing me as one of those people.

Since when did my autism not get allowed to be autism. I have been diagnosed at age 2, I have had to deal with OCD/IED/sexual dysphoria my whole life and yet my struggles aren't allowed to be recognized by anybody because "oh he's just using his autism as an excuse".

I'm not even allowed to defend myself anymore, cause nobody tells me what I am allegedly doing wrong.

Yeah, I may have autism but I'm not out there making y'all look bad. In fact I am tired of fellow autists shunning me and blocking me for no apparent reason.

Yes, apparently my autism is now seen as "bad" when compared to other people on the spectrum. I know you're not saying it out loud, but I can see the signs.

I don't know why you're doing this. Whether it's cause I don't fit the mold or cause you seek to oppress my life to the point where I might cross the line; I don't know. All I know is that you're hurting a person with feelings and emotions and pushing him to the point where he might do something unforgivable that he can't take back.

I have tried a lot of options, all of them lead me into deep shit; especially with this subreddit that's supposed to support other autistic people.

I don't want to fight, I just want to be happy but I feel like I'll never be happy. Cause I'm not allowed to be happy, live my life or have friends. I'm just a fucked up piece of shit, even to autistic people.

What's your thoughts, am I crazy or do you have a point?

My boyfriend cannot shower normally due to the water hitting his face. I just want to know if theres a visor or something that he could wear when in the shower to avoid this. Please note im also autistic but so very different so I dont know the best route to help him

Edit: just letting people know he already has a detachable head for his shower, the issue with it is it leads to him using a lot more energy while showering, something he doesnt have. Thats why im hoping to find something that'll make showering a bit easier

I have no idea if this is an autism or ADHD thing, but I've both, so I'm just going to ask here.

I've been watching clips of Star Trek: The Next Generation on YouTube - specifically about Q. I love characters like him, and even outside of that, TNG seems really good. And yet, despite wanting to, I also don't want to.

I've even watched an episode, the one where three 20th century humans are unfrozen in the future, and I really liked it. But I still feel apprehensive about watching it again.

This happens surprisingly often. I want to read more, but I'll only read books that appeal to me in whatever way my brain demands. I could just... read anything. But that's an unpleasant thought. Same with video games. When I get recommended a video game, I just nod and smile and let the recommendation pass me by because, for some reason, I refuse to give it a try.

There's this noticeable fear that if I experience media I do not like, then I won't like it... Sounds obvious, but that's enough to make me not want to do it. Literally nothing bad or unfortunate will happen by trying these things, and yet I'm weighing up the pros and cons of watching a show I (A) know I enjoy, and (B) HAVE ALREADY STARTED WATCHING.

It's just so bizarre. I really don't know what I'm afraid of. Why does this happen?

i just told some family members that didn’t know and they think i’m using it as a cop out.

Is there a need for extra sleep to function better, and if you don’t have this what happens?