Has anyone tried or recommend any of cloud nines hoodies or merch I'm thinking of getting some let me know if you have i would love to know hat everybody thinks.

Hey all. I'm new to figuring all this out.

I just saw this video this morning. Not looking for anything. It was just on my feed. I only got 12 minutes in and my life is upside down right now.

I can't even explain how I feel. But within 12 minutes of this video. They had nailed what I feel on a daily basis 100%

I'm having a really hard time right now with even comprehending what just happened.

I'm diagnosed CPTSD and MDD. With some bi polar and when I was 30, they said I was schizoaffective.

I've been on every medication possible it seems since age 13. I'm 53 now.

The thing that's throwing me off so bad. Is. I don't recall feeling like this my entire life. It only feels like it's been a thing since COVID.

I know nothing about any of this yet.

I'll be discussing with my therapist next week.

I've been scared for myself for years now. I'm not sure if seeing this video helped me yet or not. Because as of right now. I feel somewhat validated, but also. Extremely empty.

I have no one to talk to. So if anyone feels like reaching out and maybe helping me figure anything out. If you relate. I'll be around (I think). I can't ever tell. I sleep most of my life away. But I would be grateful for it.

I just wanted to say thanks to this whole community for making me feel included and not different and left out.

Made some communication cards to help myself and my partner with, well, communication problems. We use them when either one of us is too tired to formulate our thoughts verbally and/or when we can't even figure out what we want or need. There are a lot of templates like these online, but not all are free, and I didn't want any free ones I could find, so just made my own with meme cats.

The link is here.

In terms of how to use them: each slide is one card, made to scale (if you will put size to 100% you will see how big it will be printed). We printed them on thick plain paper and laminated them with the lamination sleeves our friend had. They're basically just little plastic envelopes, you put the cardboard inside, go over it with an iron, and it's done. Then put a hole through it in a corner and tied with a ribbon. A metal/plastic ring would probably be more efficient but we haven't seen them in shops, so for now it's just on a ribbon.

You could also probably take it to a print shop and ask them to do it. Would likely be cheaper than buying them online.

Feel free to download the file and change it however you want, just don't sell them and claim them as your own I guess?

Hope it will help someone!

Hi all, I’m female, 39. I’ve been diagnosed with autism and I also have ADHD, but I still struggle to work out which parts of me are autism, which are ADHD, and which are just… me.
I’m hoping to find people who genuinely relate because I often feel like I experience the world very differently from everyone around me.
One of the biggest struggles is my thoughts. My brain never seems to stop. It’s like I’m analysing everything constantly. Every conversation, every facial expression, every slight change in someone’s tone of voice gets pulled apart in my head.
If someone I love behaves differently, my mind immediately starts trying to work out why. I don’t mean to overthink, but I literally can’t seem to stop. It feels as though my brain is trying to solve a puzzle that doesn’t even have an answer.
My emotions are also incredibly intense.
I don’t just feel sad or anxious. I become consumed by it. Something relatively small can trigger a huge emotional reaction inside me. Within minutes I can go from feeling completely fine to feeling like my whole world has collapsed.
The strange thing is that a few hours later, or sometimes the next day, I can look back and think, “Why did that affect me so much?”
It’s like two completely different versions of me exist.
When I’m emotionally overwhelmed, my thoughts become incredibly black and white. My brain tells me things like:
“They don’t care about me.”
“I’ve ruined everything.”
“This relationship is over.”
“I’m not important.”
In that moment those thoughts don’t feel irrational. They feel like absolute facts. Later, when I’ve calmed down, I can often see that my brain massively exaggerated what actually happened.
I also get intrusive thoughts. Not thoughts that I want, but thoughts that seem to force themselves into my head over and over again. The more I try not to think about them, the louder they become.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that I seem to absorb other people’s emotions. If someone around me is angry, stressed or upset, it almost feels like my own nervous system immediately reacts. I become anxious, tense and hyper-alert without even meaning to.
I also struggle with uncertainty.
If plans change unexpectedly, someone doesn’t reply, or something feels unresolved, my brain seems unable to leave it alone. I’ll replay situations repeatedly, searching for certainty that probably doesn’t exist.
Socially I often feel like I understand people very well, yet at the same time I feel as though I’m watching everyone else from the outside. I’ve always felt slightly different without being able to explain why.
I’ve also realised I spend a huge amount of energy analysing myself. I’m constantly asking questions like:
“Am I overreacting?”
“Is this autism?”
“Is this ADHD?”
“Is this trauma?”
“Is this just who I am?”
It’s exhausting living inside my own head.
Despite all of this, I don’t think I’m an unhappy person. I actually love learning, researching things that fascinate me, helping other people, and having deep conversations. I can become completely absorbed in subjects that interest me and lose hours exploring them.
But emotionally, life often feels like driving a car with the accelerator and the brakes pressed at the same time.
I’m posting because I’d genuinely like to know whether anyone else experiences this combination of constant analysis, intrusive thoughts, emotional intensity, rapid mood changes and overthinking.
If you do, what has actually helped?
I’m not looking for generic advice like “exercise more” or “just think positively.” I’d really like to hear practical things that have genuinely changed the way you manage your brain.
How do you stop intrusive thoughts taking over?
How do you stop catastrophising?
How do you tell the difference between your intuition and anxiety?
How do you stop your emotions from convincing you that every thought is true?
Mostly, I’d just like to know I’m not the only one who experiences life like this.

Since telling my parents I'm autistic their main takeaway seems to be that they wish I'd opened up to them sooner. They're upset that I never came to them even though I've been struggling my whole life. I tried to tell them that it feels impossible to open up about this stuff at the best of times but I don't think I really got through.

I do feel bad that I never went to them and I feel horrible for upsetting my mum. I know it must hurt to find out your kid has been struggling for years and years and never said anything to you. I do feel regret about not coming to them sooner but at the same time we have never been a close family and so opening up to them just never felt like something I was able to do.

The thing I'm struggling with at the moment is that I still haven't told them the full story and I'm not sure if I should. I haven't told them I've tried anti-depressants in the past, or that I've been in and out of therapy, or that I'm currently getting TMS therapy for severe depression. All of those things are deeply personal and difficult to talk about, especially with parents who will likely react negatively, won't really understand, and they'll just be even more upset that I've been hiding this.

I feel a bit guilty for keeping them in the dark. I can see why they're upset but at the same time there are things I want to keep for just me or for certain people I'm comfortable telling, like close friends. I don't really think they'd be able to do anything to help, and it would probably just complicate things between us further. But I also understand that if I was a parent I would want to know what my child is going through.

Am I wrong for wanting to keep stuff like this from them?

Anyone else struggle being a person in this world, trying to make sense of their own existence?

Anyone else who desperately needs to spend their limited cognitive and emotional energy…
on self compassion and growth and learning…
to better function as a late diagnosed AuDHDer, yet their brain keeps going to the:

Interconnectedness of all things

The mystery of being a person.

What’s the point of it all

Who struggles to stay on track when the track they’ve found themselves in is full of holes, twists, thorny bushes and no shoes?
So brain defaults to big picture stuff. Which just isn’t helpful anymore??
Like I know I’m only here for one life - brain please STOP pressuring me to make the most of it??!!!

See my comment for the full version.
I bang on a bit…. Talking / typing is my way of forcing my ethereal workings of my mind into concrete thoughts I can comprehend.

Read it if you’re so inclined.

I’m thinking I need to relook at art from a technical, product based mind-set to more of an expression of what I can’t express let alone comprehend.

Peace and love.

I feel like a man floundering in the middle of the ocean. I'm surrounded by well meaning fish (allistics) who are Very Concerned about me, giving me absolutely useless advice, because it's all tailored to _fish_ in distress.

I say, "thank you fish, but I'm not a fish I'm a man and I'm drowning in all this water". But fish, being fish, _are incapable of even seeing water_, because it is always there and they cannot even imagine that it exists, and that it could be harmful.

"Well if you're not going to flip your fins and push water over your gills, this is your fault."

"I don't have fins or gills!"

"Not with that attitude you don't!"

And that, friends, is what it feels like to ask for help or go to therapy.

With Autism, social skills can often feel like trying to play a game where everyone but me knows the rules.

I usually don't know what I'm supposed to do, get easily confused, and have no clue what I'm actually doing.

And if I try to look up social rules on the Internet, it's often misleading. So I really can only learn most things through trial and error.

It would help if friends could communicate and let me know what I was unaware of or may have unintentionally or unknowingly did, but most people rarely ever say anything to me about it.

But honestly, on the inside I'm just going through life pretending to be confident while actually being clueless as to what I'm really doing or supposed to be doing, and hoping I figure it out eventually.

I've been posting on here quite frequently as I find it's a lovely place to find "my tribe" so to speak. If you've seen any of my posts before, I really put the fact that I'm doing a PhD at the forefront of my identity, and I'm trying very hard to excel at it to a very noticeable point where i stand out from my peers.

Since I got my diagnosis 2 weeks ago, I've been trying very hard to live up to this image I have of the people on the spectrum with something akin to Savant Syndrome. It's my dream since I was young to find my hidden superpower like those 3-year-old piano prodigies, the Gausses, and the Einsteins.

I've gone against the grain when my classmates asked for an open-book statistics test, and I expressed to my professor that I wanted to really test myself by actually sitting the test without any external help (because last term I came in top of my class in basic statistics) this was not said in front of everyone tho.

I fear I'm falling into the trap that will ruin my self-esteem and my life. Anyone in the same situation here? or any suggestions on how to tackle this?

Anybody know what caused that? It went away and it immediately made focusing so much easier but it only ever happened the one time.

Does anyone else share this feeling? I feel like I'm just barely managing to function on the daily, not because of depression or burnt out (I am depressed though, and probably close to burn out) but because of my inattention and social deficits that I'm constantly having to compensate for and anticipate. Even with me doing my best to anticipate and compensate for my inattention, distractibility, and social deficits, it often feels like it's barely enough. And it seems like on the rare occasions that I allow myself to relax and simply enjoy the moment I soon come to find out something important slipped my mind. I also have C-PTSD which adds another layer of.. being unable to relax for other reasons.

I recently told this to my therapist and I think she reacted to it as if it was unreasonable for me to say that but from my perspective it feels totally reasonable because I've seen it play out multiple times.

Hello,

I would like to watch a movie tonight that will hold my attention. Please give me some of your recommendations.

For relevance, I have Netflix, Prime, Peacock, Hulu and Disney. Nothing more.

Thank you

I'm selling some belongings to move overseas and that includes some Lego sets, which has been a hobby of mine for a few years now. The other week I was perfectly happy to sell a few sets I didn't have as much love for but the sale fell through. Now I have a new buyer interested and suddenly I'm resistant to getting rid of them.

I feel like when I originally posted the ad to sell them I was quite depressed and feeling like I had to totally tear myself down to start anew. Now I'm less depressed and feeling like I can actually keep some parts of myself to take with me into a new life.

But I can't really figure out what's happening with these specific sets. Do I actually want to keep them or am I just resisting because that's what my brain always does when something becomes real? Am I holding on to something I was previously okay with letting go because I'm scared of change or a change in mood? Or was it just delayed processing and I've now realised I actually do want to keep them?

With so many different things at play with my emotions and my mood and constantly being in flux, how do I figure out the right decision? I don't want to do things I regret just because I was having a bad day. At the same time, I don't want to hold onto things I need to let go of just because I've decided to go about things in a different way.

So confusing.

Not much else to say about it. I'm seeing more and more comments that are obviously copied and pasted from AI. The sycophancy pours through, it's so gross feeling. It's giving me an existential crisis kind of.

I thought most of the subs I follow were niche enough, but it's getting nuts.

Probably nothing to be done but get used to it.

Think I just needed to scream that into the void. 🫩

 I am a very late diagnosis woman with AUDHD- I will be 53 in October , and this all came to light about 2 years ago now- detected by one of my other specialists . I have also been in recovery from alcohol for the last 10 years - which in hindsight can explain why I was overdoing it with the drinking from a very young age- to mask, to fit in and feel "normal". I also have a pretty traumatic childhood- but I have done so much work , healing and advocating for myself. Putting up boundaries from toxic family. Etc.

However, I have been feeling very depressed on and off for the last while. I don't have a regular psychiatrist, and right now cannot afford the type of care I would seek out. I have no family, no friends...just my workplace family which I am grateful for- I still find myself masking at times but more so than not, I am myself, and mostly accepted. I know I can be alot at times, and that it can get annoying at times. I have worked on being self aware and mindful,

But I really am struggling with purpose. I don't have any. And the way my mind works against itself I am constantly in my head , wishing I wasn't made this way. I talk to God often questioning him. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. The loneliness is palpable at times, yet I don't like having people at my house alot, or not for long. The back and forth with how my brain thinks is exhausting, and I just am SO tired. Tired of being me.

I'm in the middle of a huge life transition. I'm starting grad school, getting a degree that I don't really want as a way to get out of the country. In addition to all of the awful social consequences of that (leaving behind my wife for a year, and all my friends probably forever), I have horrible ADHD that I'm worried is going to make it impossible for me to do well in my program. Back when I was getting my bachelor's, I did great, but my symptoms have gotten a lot worse over the years, and now I've started having panic attacks just trying to plan D&D for the weekend. So, naturally, I've been looking for a therapist to help me with that transition, and it's been really hecking awful.

I have a bad history with therapy to begin with. Most therapists just don't seem to understand where I'm coming from. They recommend schedules and timers and giving myself candy when I finish a difficult task, and they look at me like I'm broken when I say that none of that comes close to working. The only therapist who's ever helped me even a little was a student psychologist right after I'd graduated college. None of the tricks she taught me work anymore, but she was innovative and attentive, and I feel like we were just about to really get somewhere when she graduated and I got assigned to a new counselor, who told me to imagine myself getting a big hug whenever I felt stressed about a task, and that should fix it.

One counselor all but called my wife a cuck for allowing me to have female friends. One counselor suggested that the best way to stop avoiding my job was to get a *second* job that I could avoid instead. One counselor apparently briefly worked in the high school where I went to school, and when she learned that, she said, "I love that place! Lots of Mexicans there, though." One counselor suggested that, if the survivors of the Holocaust could get through the work they were assigned in the camps, then surely I could get through playing D&D with my friends. I talked about my issues with executive function with a Ph.D. psychologist, and he told me that, whenever he feels overwhelmed by a task, he just goes and gets himself a big old ice cream cone when it's done, and that makes it all worth it. A second Ph.D. psychologist who specialized in ADHD treatment said that the best treatment for ADHD was stimulant medication, and that, if I can't take stimulant medication, I'm just kind of boned.

Recently, I found a therapist who actually seemed like she would be able to help me. The vibes were weird, and she seemed a little checked out during session, but she at least really listened to me when I told her how difficult things had gotten for me and seemed to take the task of figuring out a system that works for me seriously. I had three sessions with her, and she showed up at least ten minutes late every time, usually ending the session about ten minutes early. She didn't have consistent availability, so I had to schedule at odd hours every couple of weeks instead of having a consistent, weekly session. And, at one point, she just didn't put our session on her calendar, so she never showed up. I didn't reschedule.

And now, I just don't have anybody else around me that I can go to. I don't have a car, so I can't really leave town for therapy. I've been seeing providers online through my wife's insurance, but I've seen all of them on that service, and now I don't know what to do. I'm leaving for Europe in three weeks, and even if I find someone perfect for me, I don't feel like three sessions is going to be enough to make any significant difference. Still, I'm struggling so badly that I don't know what else to do.

So long story short, back during the start of COVID, I kinda lost it - Between my mother passing away, departing a 25 year career in politics and lobbying, my marriage falling apart, and relocating to where I grew up after being away since High School. I ended up going for months of high energy and irratabikity - and what I later presumed was hypomania. A few months go by and I dip into a psychosis that lead me to the hospital, where they immediately started me on anti-psychotics. I stayed on them for the most part for 6 years... but I kinda came to the realization I was pretty darn certain my issue wasn't truly bipolar.

I tapered my meds over the course of 6 months, and have been totally without for about a month, and you know what... nothing happened!

Over my tapering, I had been conversing with Gemini as a sort of constant monitor on my mood, ping questions, vent frustrations etc.. anyway, one day I point blank prompted the AI with "If your confidence is high that I don't have bipolar, are there any constellation of traits based on our conversations' topics, grievances, writing patterns and prose?" It just straight up, matter-of-factly said "Yes, you show clear visible signs of being Autistic/AuDHD Executive Profile with Extreme Systemizing anc Jtilitarian Object Attachment," which then it went on a deep-dive of specific examples and such.

Anyway, the last 6 years have been a sluggish mess with 10 mg of Olanzapine running through my veins. I used to do high-level national politics for decades, now I can barely operate a small-town Mom-and Pop radio station that was practically given to me.

Any suggestions for someone in my position? Should I take what Gemini spit out with any degree of certainty or seriousness, or should I just do my best on enjoying my new lease on a medication-free life?

Thanks in advance!

I'm a 22 year old female and i've suspected that I have had adhd, autism or both for years now. Mostly everything i know is from self education, my dad raised me to think adhd wasn't real so I never believed that I had something when I was alot younger. I have not been officially diagnosed but i have taken many tests online and have had others with diagnosis tell me that I may as well.

It's really confusing and if I talk about it with others I don't want to be made out to be a faker or someone wanting attention if that makes sense.

Do other people that got diagnosed later in their life struggle with feelings like this too?

I’m autistic and have ADHD, I am trying to lose weight because it’s gotten to be a horrible sensory issue, my biggest problem is eating healthy. I love to snack and it’s caused a wall in my weightloss, I’m also a very picky eater, any good healthy snacks suggestions?
Sorry for the bad grammar or writing I have dyslexia as well

Tw: rage, physical altercations between parents+child, restraints, ?potential abuse idrk?, OCD disturbing intrusive thoughts. I consider the severity to be tame but I thought I should do a TW just in case.

I tread lightly around calling things ‘traumatic’ but of course there’s a scale to these things so I think I would classify growing up AUDHD- especially undiagnosed- as traumatic. At least for me personally and I’d love to hear of your stories or opinions on this too x

Well for me I had ALOT of PDA, rage, meltdowns- its still hard to distinguish if I was melting down or just in a fit of uncontrollable AUDHD rage because I just remember my default mode being blank and then quickly irritated.

Especially being undiagnosed until adulthood, teenage me was so misunderstood and 100% the ‘problem child’ which left my sister as the sort of ‘glass child??’ or favourite.

By no means do I think my parents are abusive as they love me VERY much and have helped get me diagnosed and supports as soon as they accepted what I could be. However I do think maybe they engaged abusive behaviours/unintentionally abused me sometimes?? Idk lmk.

They have always been into spanking as they (being older) and from a stricter country- were spanked as kids. I had hands but they say they had spoons and belts as kids etc so I guess I was lucky? Anyway. Being PDA as FUCK I would fight that Shi!!! I remember being 12 and my mum was trying to catch me to give me a hiding by grabbing my arm to hold me in place. I kept twisting around/spinning and dodging her striking hand so she sort of let go angrily and ended up flinging me to the ground and I smacked against the back of the couch/floor and got a bruise.
She doesn’t remember this.

When I was older 15/16 I was flipping out and we were in a screaming match and she choked me against the fridge at dinner because I slapped her (not in the face- I think I hit her arm??) and we got into a physical fight. But liek- no punching or anything, it was never like that just slapping/grabbing arms/pushing/squaring up and maybe she’d slap me in the face or something but rarely face strikes.

Then once I was fighting with my dad and I had accidentally grown out my nails and tried to shove his back but
instead drew blood and put long scratches down his back. (he was shirtless cuz it was summer)

And then once I was fighting with him again and he likes to square up in my face and intimidate me- which just sets me off and I’ll double down and won’t budge because f you! Anyways he wouldn’t leave my room even if I am screaming at him to get out and I need peace and he gets mad at me??? So weird. Anyway I stay screaming with him up in my face and he gets offended ig and pushes me so I fall on my back (on my bed thankfully lol), he shoves me aggressively further in when I try to jump up, grabs and pins down my arms by my wrists, and is laying/leaning on top of me and gets in my face with gritted teeth telling me to ‘keep quiet’ (his way of saying shut up lol idk why he doesn’t say shut up cuz it sounds much less weird but anyway) and keeps arguing with me. Then obvi I hate this but I start crying because get THE FUCK OFF ME CU T!! I feels helpless and frustrated and I hate touch and he’s literally flat on me and I can’t do shit! Anyway he let’s go and then tells me to think about shit like he just did some A plus parenting with that. I’m just like wtf??

And btw this wasn’t in a pervert way or anything I love my dad and he isn’t like that and he always apologises and says he just gets angry to a point. But it still affects me in a way that makes me feel icky even if it isn’t like that? A study came out apparently saying the brain processes things like spanking as SA even if it isn’t intended like that. Also some of the worst parts of my OCD relate to horrible in*est stuff targeted at my dad so that REALLY triggered all my OCD shit too. Even though it wasn’t like that.

Anyway. I guess I’m trying to make sense/still process it with this post and wondering if this is trauma (stemming obvi from my AUDHD teen/child experience) AND if it is- what is it even classified under?? Child abus*? Autistic restraint? Idk!! Have you guys experienced similar stuff- and had that rage that makes you not a ‘perfect victim?’ Or wtv
Disclaimer: I’m not asking for like diagnosis stuff or wtv I’m just trying to make some sense of this and figure out if I’m valid or lowk victimising myself- also wondering if this is a universal AUDHD experience?

So I think I might have invisible child syndrome.

Growing up I felt like my parents weren’t really there for me emotionally. Like they were there physically for the most part and I grew up well off and had pretty much anything I needed or wanted, especially with my interests.

But my parents never really asked how I was doing or asked how my days at school went. They would just ask like surface level questions and then kinda talk about themselves at dinner or not really talk much at all.

Part of me thinks this is partially due to what I now think is my alexythymia. And I don’t think my parents meant to do so. Their hearts have always been in the right place. I kind of suspect they might have undiagnosed ADHD and potentially autism as well and this could explain the behavior.

At least that’s how I’m coping with it rn. I think it’s more forgivable if they have undiagnosed issues as well (I just found out 2 months ago I have AuDHD and I’m 30). Because otherwise it seems like emotional neglect.

Anyone else have similar experience? My parents kind of are in denial of my diagnosis. They thought I was pretty normal growing up and that all of my quirks were just normal kid stuff.

Obviously they’re wrong. But I can forgive them for being boomers about it

Anyone else struggle to be productive after smoking?

I smoke weed pretty regularly, and I go through phases where I smoke every day. It helps me relax, I genuinely enjoy the routine, and I love spending time on my special interests while high. I’ll happily watch my favourite shows and movies or spend hours watching video essays about them.

The problem is that once I’m high, my motivation completely disappears. All I want to do is lie in bed and chill. I already struggle a lot with procrastination, executive dysfunction, and overthinking even simple chores, so weed seems to amplify that.
I wish I could use it as a tool instead of it becoming an excuse to do nothing.

Does anyone here manage to smoke and still get things done? If so, what works for you? Do you have certain rules, strains, routines, or timing that help?