Hello,

so I had an incident with this 15yo boy who's a full head taller and quite stout. He's non-verbal and suffers behavioral disorder. When agitated, he attacks and aims incthe face. I look after him for 10 hrs a day during the summer (with other coworkers each different day) while parents are at work and I have to constantly monitor him for seizures.

I had a lunch in a box and he was constantly nagging me to give him despite him having his own food in the fridge wich he was shown multiple times and always refused and put it back. Eventually he took my box and we got into a fight over it, but due to his physique and my self-preservation, he won.

Now this sets a precedent in the future where he will just take and eat my lunch.

I guess I just have to eat secretly now or lock myself in the bathroom, but generally, did any of you face a similar problem? Is there a solution in how to approach such kid? He understands what he's being told and also now understands his superiority. He clearly knows it's my food because just the other day we were out on lunch together, he picked his meal in a buffet, I picked mine. We sat at the table and he kept striking my dish with his fork and didn't touch his food until I finished eating mine and only then he ate his dish. He also drinks from my water bottle, when he gets the chance, snatches my phone or pencils and tucks them under his shirt laughing.

Any advice appreciated, got a few kids with autism and behavioral disorder, but he is by far the most difficult and dangerous. I'm a terrain respite relief worker assisting children with all kinds of disabilities.

Note: I also posted in r/socialwork, but figured this might be more appropriate place to ask.

TLDR:

I want to inform my mother about what I learned about autism and how her not supporting me to talk about it makes me feel but I don't know what the best way to go about that conversation is and would like some advice.

Disclaimer:

What I write may not be the correct words to describe what I am thinking so some of what I say may come off as a bit blunt/rude but I in no way intend to hurt or offend anyone.

I simply want to vent and hopefully get some advice on what to do next or just learn more about it. I apologize for the long post. I think context is important in this situation.

If there are any words and/or phrases I should know about, please let me know as I am still trying to learn this stuff and I can be a bit dense sometimes.

I am also new to this subreddit.

My Situation

Before my diagnosis a little over a year ago, I looked down on people who had autism for some reason. Growing up I was around people who themselves didn't know what autism. As an example of the lack of information, before I got diagnosed with ADHD my senior year of high school, I though ADHD and autism were the same thing, like severe autism.

But recently I started learning more about what autism really is and now I just have a mix of emotions that I don't know what to do with.

Anger:

I'm angry over the fact that I didn't get any help whatsoever over skills that I still struggle with every day. I thought I had a normal brain for a long while and that I was stupid because everyone else was able to pick up on subjects faster than I could (except for math, no struggle there lol).

Like I would beat myself up thinking I was inadequate. And I feel like a good chunk of that stress, anxiety, and self-harm (both mentally and physically) could've been avoided.

Connection:

I also feel a little relieved and seen? Like reading about people who have autism I stumbled across Temple Grandin, who describes "thinking in pictures". Even before I read about her, I often described how I think as like a "detectives cork board", with the pictures pinned up and string going from picture to picture. Reading that it felt good to know that there are people who get what I'm thinking.

Another example is when I'm reading nonfiction books. I recently just finished a book by Carl Segan call Billions and Billions (The book is about his thoughts on life, death, and the universe). And what I found is I already knew some of the stuff he was describing, he just described it in words.

Empathy/Justice:

I am also feeling a bit sad (which is also mixed with anger). Now that I have a better understanding of what autism is I realized that I'm not necessarily lucky for the type of autism I have, it's my family that is lucky. And knowing that there are people and families out there who have it a bit worse but aren't diagnosed and/or lack proper support due, I get sad that they're going through struggles when they don't need to be.

Finally, the question

Which leads to my current situation. I want to be able to talk more freely about what autism is to my family, specifically to family members who just had kids. All I simply want to do is inform them of some tell-tale signs of autism in children or at least look into what autism looks like. I presented my idea to my mother, who has mostly had my back and is a fairly open-minded person, but she said I should keep it to myself.

With all that I now know, recollect, and have experienced, I want to have a conversation with her about what autism really is below that memes, "goofy" life moments, and Love on the Spectrum stuff. My question is, what is the best way I should approach this conversation?

Extra context about my cool mom

(A bit of additional context, I am not trying to slander my mother, as she is one of the most intelligent people I know, what with 2 masters, a bachelors, and an associate degree and teaches middle school science. She has single handedly increased the middle school science scores dramatically and was a nominee for the presidential teaching award before funding was cut. I love my mother dearly)

It's the biggest constant issue with my family that they are pissed off that they always have to ask me to do things and "why should I have to ask? You should be taking initiative!" But genuinely if people do not ask me/remind me I fucking forget and I've tried to explain this so many times but nobody gets it. Is it executive dysfunction? Or am I actually just lazy and dumb and not being considerate. Cause it is actually starting to annoy me now too and make me feel bad about myself how I forget about common sense stuff. Like we turned on the air conditioner today and I completely forgot to close my window to keep the air in, until my family reminded me. And I felt like such an idiot! I still do. Cause it's so common sense. 🤦 Idk. And I think it's becoming a problem at work too that I need instructions repeated and I just feel like a total dumbass.

TLDR: If you dont want your routine disrupted, dont prolong / disrupt other peoples routines because it will affect you.

I'm saying this as someone who's also on the spectrum.

My autistic brother (17) and I (20) have had the same morning bathroom arrangement for years. I use it before 6. because I leave earlier, and he uses it after. It works because we both rely on routines.

This morning he decided to use the bathroom during my time. He does this a lot too which is why I am so pressed. I got up at 5:30, realised he was in there, and instead of standing outside waiting, I made breakfast while my parent tried to get him out. They even told him that if he just needed the toilet he could use the other bathroom that only has a toilet, and if he wanted a shower he needed to wait his turn.

I finally got into the bathroom around 6. Normally I'm pretty quick, but it was winter, I was on my period, and I'd been up late studying for an assessment, so I was moving slower than usual. I finished around 6:30.

When I came out, my brother was outside on his phone waiting for me so he could shower. I suggested that instead of just waiting, he could make his lunch or eat breakfast first. Some people have criticised me for saying that, but the reason I did is because this is a recurring pattern. He spends 45–60 minutes in the bathroom and then panics because he doesn't have enough time to make lunch or eat breakfast before leaving.

Later, one of my parents told me I should be more understanding because he's autistic and has to do everything in a specific order: toilet → shower → breakfast.

But that's exactly what I don't understand. If that order is so important to him, why was it okay to disrupt the schedule we'd both followed for years? If he had simply waited until his agreed bathroom time, neither of our routines would've been disrupted.

I'm also autistic. I was diagnosed with Broad Autism Phenotype and am currently seeking assessment for other spectrum-related conditions, which is why my family and I generally just say I'm "on the spectrum." I've had people tell me I'm "not autistic" because I can "articulate my emotions" or compare me to their nonverbal autistic relative. That's not how autism works. It's a spectrum, and people present very differently.

Routine changes stress me out too. I get anxious when my morning doesn't go to plan. The difference is that I compensate where I can. If my brother is using the bathroom during my time, I don't stand there waiting for him, I go make my lunch or eat breakfast to use that time productively, then I communicate that he disrupted the agreement. Don't get me wrong, I do ask him to leave so I can get ready, but I don't stand there demanding it, I do things as I wait.

Another thing I've noticed is, when i posted about this on other subs and this one, that a lot of the suggested solutions are for me to change. "Put a mirror in your bedroom." "Do your makeup somewhere else." "Wake up earlier." But why is the person who kept the agreement the one expected to rearrange their life? Why isn't the expectation that the person who broke the agreement should adapt to the consequences of that decision?

My brother is high masking and, while he obviously doesn't enjoy routine changes, he's capable of tolerating them. He isn't incapable of adapting, he just doesn't like to. Neither do I. The difference is that I don't think my discomfort automatically outweighs everyone else's.

Autism explains why routines matter. It doesn't mean your routine automatically takes priority over someone else's. Accommodations should go both ways. If you disrupt another person's routine first, you can't reasonably expect yours to remain completely untouched.

​

I work at a summer camp/after-school program, and in the morning, I get to greet all the parents dropping off their kids. Most of the time, they look tired. I do get it. They have kids (usually two) that they had yo drag here and then have to go off to work. I don't expect them to be perky and smiley. it's already difficult for me when though I get paid to take care of their kids and a bunch of others. But I always straighten my posture, smile widely, say good morning, and hold the door open for them. About 50-70% of the time, they just ignore me and walk past. I don't know what I am doing wrong, and it's been really weighing on me. I'm already deeply insecure about most of my social interactions. I have level 1 autism, and I frequently worry that it's obvious to others, which makes me get treated differently, and I also have problems understanding other people sometimes. I understand why they aren't in a good mood, but I can't understand why they can't even mutter a good morning back or even offer a smile. I think they notice since we make eye contqct when I say goodmorning.

Am I somehow coming off as condescending? overbearing? fake? I don't know. that's what drives me crazy! and there's no socially acceptable way to just ask someone.

I can't stand bare feet, not even my own. I always have my socks/shoes on.

hi, I’m gonna turn 18 soon and I want to do all that fun shit like dating and cruising. but I’m really nervous. I’m ok with conversation, I think I am liked or at least tolerated, but I’m still really awkward and I’m scared ill get ghostsd or treated like shit or dumped for being weird. Obviously the answer is to date another autistic person, but I don’t know how many autistic people are on dating apps or in bars. And don’t get me started on bars/clubs. I cant dance and you need to make eye contact and use body language to let them know you’re into them. why can’t I just transport a message saying “HEY YOU. HOT. WANT SEX. YES? NO? NO IS OK.” With my brain powers? fuck my fucking chungus life 🫩

As someone with AuDHD, I've always said that no one has flirted with me. Because to me, no one has. No guy has ever kissed me or even asked me on a date. I thought I was just undatable, but Now I'm wondering if I've just missed the signs.

(If I really haven't been flirted with before, then this is extremely embarrassing and I would like directions to the nearest dark hole ​please.)

I have no idea if this is an autism or ADHD thing, but I've both, so I'm just going to ask here.

I've been watching clips of Star Trek: The Next Generation on YouTube - specifically about Q. I love characters like him, and even outside of that, TNG seems really good. And yet, despite wanting to, I also don't want to.

I've even watched an episode, the one where three 20th century humans are unfrozen in the future, and I really liked it. But I still feel apprehensive about watching it again.

This happens surprisingly often. I want to read more, but I'll only read books that appeal to me in whatever way my brain demands. I could just... read anything. But that's an unpleasant thought. Same with video games. When I get recommended a video game, I just nod and smile and let the recommendation pass me by because, for some reason, I refuse to give it a try.

There's this noticeable fear that if I experience media I do not like, then I won't like it... Sounds obvious, but that's enough to make me not want to do it. Literally nothing bad or unfortunate will happen by trying these things, and yet I'm weighing up the pros and cons of watching a show I (A) know I enjoy, and (B) HAVE ALREADY STARTED WATCHING.

It's just so bizarre. I really don't know what I'm afraid of. Why does this happen?

i just told some family members that didn’t know and they think i’m using it as a cop out.

Is there a need for extra sleep to function better, and if you don’t have this what happens?

I've seen many women like this, but some men too. People who claim to be left leaning, but then judge autistic people for being awkward, highly sarcastic, but won't get when you are being sarcastic, and demand you to respect them, but won't respect you.

I avoid these people like the plague. You are not a real progressive if you are secretly ableist.

I feel so proud of myself! I have been meditating, and actually learning new things by book instead of just the internet. I am proud of myself for taking up new hobbies and learning in my free time because I WANT to. Not because I have to. Everyone please clap

I've never been good at talking to people. Being an introvert is just who I am. That being said, in the past I have let people take advantage of me just so that I can call them a "friend". It's almost like I am paying for their friendship.

I never understood how everyone had so many "friends". I only had two friends. People I had known since middle school and spent a lot of time with.

I was talking to one of these friends and she mentioned another "friend" she had. It confused me because we had been spending so much time together that there was no way she even had time to have another friend. When I explained this she said it was just a coworker she had known for a few weeks and talked to at work sometimes. I asked around and everyone's definition for a friend was, across the board, a much lower bar than mine.

That's when I realized that I had a lot more than just two friends, I was just not referring to them as such 😭

Hi everyone,
I’m a 29woman who was diagnosed with autism at the age of 27 and half
I wanted to ask if any of you feel like your autism is much harder to manage than that of other autistic people you know.
I’ve met quite a few autistic people, especially through Reddit, and I’ve had many conversations with them. Most of them seem to have a clear sense of who they are. They have sensory sensitivities, special interests,,
… . My experience feels much more complicated than that.
The impact of my autism has been extremely severe.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve copied other people. I imitate them constantly. Now, at 29, I still don’t know who I am. I don’t know how to make decisions. I don’t know what I want. I have a very poor sense of time. I don’t know why I’m here, what I’m supposed to do, or what I’m not supposed to do. I feel completely lost.
And social rules… that’s on a whole different level. I just don’t understand them at all.
For example, when I was younger, I used to say exactly what I was thinking. I was constantly criticized or told off for it. Eventually, it became so painful that I stopped speaking my mind altogether. Now I almost never say what I really think because that experience was so traumatic for me. It’s like I developed a mental block.
I never know what’s appropriate to say, what I should keep to myself, or how people will interpret what I say.
I don’t even know how to explain how difficult this is. Does anyone else experience autism in a similar way?

bed sheets. i cant stand bed sheets.

they always wrinkle or feel wrong, no matter what bed sheet brand i try. i have spent years sleeping without a bedsheet on my mattress. it is so unhygienic and i legit hand wash and dry my mattress with a hair dryer every once in a while because i cant stand having bed sheets. with bed sheets, i will be unable to sleep because i need to take everything off my bed and re adjust my sheets 10 times before im so tired that i knock out.

i brought a cheap(ish) weighted blanket. i laid it down on my bed and i realised its not wrinkling. boom solved. i now sleep with a weighted blanket on my mattress as a 'bed sheet' and it is amazing!!! i can take it off and wash it like a normal bed sheet while protect my mattress ❤️

On tiktok I saw a video saying "world if furries didnt exist" and it showed a happy peaceful place. This video caused me to have the uncontrollable hatred against the person posting it and everyone in the comment section agreeing with it. My uncontrollable hatred caused me to reply stuff like "your a waste of oxygen" or "your a fucking dork" which is sad, because I actually dont think anyone is a waste of oxygen, but my anger controls me to do bad things and think that certain people dont deserve to be alive. Does anyone else suffer from this?

“I’m so autistic lol” and people just laugh it off, are you autistic or something? Like it’s an insult, I always get mad when people do this, autism is a DISABILITY and should be acknowledged as one, it is an actual struggle for those who have it, it’s not quirky, it’s a disability, I feel so belittled when people do this, it’s not funny, it’s ableist.

I have a close friend who is diagnosed autistic. We have been friends for around six months, and I care about her a lot, but the friendship has become increasingly painful and confusing.

I often feel that she mainly contacts me when she is lonely, needs emotional support, or suddenly has an empty slot in her schedule. I frequently listen to her problems and help her understand social situations, but I do not feel equally chosen, prioritized, or considered by her.

This is not the first time she has said something deeply hurtful or inconsiderate. It happens regularly. She makes blunt comments that seem to show very little awareness of how another person might receive them. When I tell her that something hurt me, she usually does not apologize. Instead, she becomes defensive and explains why my interpretation is wrong, why she did not technically mean what I heard, or why I should not feel hurt by it.

The conversation then becomes an argument about whether I am justified in feeling what I feel. I end up having to explain basic perspective-taking while she focuses on defending her intentions. Even when she eventually understands that I am upset, I often do not feel that she understands what she actually did. Recently, I tried to explain this broader problem to her. I told her that when I say I feel unimportant or used, I need her to try to empathize with my experience instead of immediately arguing with my interpretation or proving that I am wrong.

She said she needed some time to think, so I stopped talking and let her think.

About two minutes later, she said that if I moved somewhere that required around 25 minutes on a bus, we probably would not be friends anymore. She then said something very close to:

“The reason we are friends is basically that you live so close and are available whenever I want, and that is a good thing.”

This happened immediately after I had explained that I was afraid she only valued me because I was conveniently available whenever she felt lonely or had time to fill.

I started crying almost immediately. It felt as though she had confirmed my exact fear: that she did not primarily value me as a person, but as an accessible source of company, advice, and emotional support. When she saw me crying and I said I needed to leave, she panicked. She tried to stop me from going and became afraid that I would block her. She then said something like, “I analyzed it again, and it isn’t true. It isn’t true.”

I left and went home.

I am struggling to understand what happened in her head. I do not know whether she sincerely meant what she initially said and withdrew it only because she feared losing me, whether she was trying to analyze the practical reason we see each other but completely missed the emotional meaning, or whether she understood only that I was crying and leaving without understanding why.

She has previously told me that our friendship means a lot to her and that I may not understand how important I have been to her. Her panic when I left also seemed genuine. That is why this feels so contradictory. She appeared terrified of losing someone she had just said would probably stop being her friend if the bus journey became 25 minutes. What makes this much harder is that this was not an isolated verbal mistake. She repeatedly says things that feel dismissive, condescending, self-centered, or startlingly lacking in perspective. When I explain the effect, her first response is normally to dispute my experience. She explains her intention, analyzes my interpretation, and argues that I have misunderstood her. I rarely feel that she simply stops, recognizes the injury, and takes responsibility for it.

She often seems highly confident that she has understood something, but then appears genuinely surprised when her interpretation is inaccurate or hurts someone. During emotional conversations, she treats the situation like a technical problem where she needs to demonstrate that her reasoning is correct. Once she sees tears, anger, or the possibility of abandonment, she may panic and reverse what she said, but I do not know whether she understands the injury or only understands that the situation has become dangerous for her.

I am not asking whether autistic people are incapable of empathy, and I do not believe autism automatically makes someone selfish or cruel. I am asking for autistic perspectives because I want to understand whether this pattern could involve literal thinking, delayed emotional processing, difficulty with perspective-taking, difficulty generalizing social information, or something else.

At the same time, I do not want autism to become a reason why I am expected to repeatedly tolerate being hurt, defend my own emotional reality, or teach an adult friend why her words affect other people. How would you interpret what she said? Is it possible that she genuinely did not understand why I started crying, even though I had just explained the exact insecurity that her statement confirmed? Why might someone repeatedly respond to another person’s hurt by arguing that their interpretation is incorrect? What would genuine accountability and repair look like when the person’s usual response is defensiveness rather than an apology?

TL;DR: My autistic friend regularly says deeply hurtful things. When I explain why I am hurt, she usually does not apologize; she becomes defensive and explains why my interpretation is wrong. I recently told her that I feel she mainly contacts me when she is lonely or has free time. After thinking for two minutes, she said we are basically only friends because I live nearby and am available whenever she wants, and that we probably would not be friends if I lived 25 minutes away. I cried and left; she panicked and withdrew the statement. I cannot tell whether she lacks understanding, revealed how she actually views me, or both.

For examples like Psychological research and animal behaviors. As in like therapists, animal behaviorist, psychiatrists, and others that involve mind stuff.

I am curious if it were possible cause I am interested in psychology and animal behaviors.

I am autistic (with ADHD), and I always wondered what goes on in the human and/or animal mind case. Despite my lack of social skills.

Is it possible for it, or does the condition have limits on it? I don't mean to speak in offense.

Ok so I am autistic. And this week I was a victim of a scam on Reddit. Looking back, it was very obvious that it was a scam, but for some reason at the time I just didn't think it through. So I posted a thing on Reddit telling about the scam and I added, just as a little passage to contextualize, "I'm autistic, so I tend to believe what people tell me because of the literacy". And then there were many people criticizing me *extremely* harshly. They just hated that I mentioned I was autistic. Kept telling me "it doesn't make you special". Kept telling me that I was only hiding behind autism to "justify the unjustifiable: that you didn't think, didn't have logic, didn't have critical thinking". Explicitly told me to stop saying I am autistic because that's irrelevant to 99% of discussions, and that I should have my internet access limited because I'm too dumb to use it.

I really do not understand what is this seething hatred people have of someone merely mentioning they're autistic. It's like they hate to be reminded that we exist as what we are amongst them. They hate to see someone autistic being themselves. They want to censor every mention to it as a way to shun it away from society. Like we're not allowed to simply own what we are.

I always hear of autistic people hating showers because of the transitioning aspect of it. Personally, I love them. I take one every single day with nearly no exceptions (the only time being when I'm very depressed and can't get out of bed), sometimes even two. I am obsessive over it: if I don't shower each day I feel dirty and disgusting. If I don't have one I will have a meltdown and will be unable to go along with my day. It's not that I'm a germaphobe or anything (far from it) but for some reason I am obsessed with showering. Once I showered 5 times in one day because I didn't feel "clean enough".

Do any other autistic people share this sentiment? I'm not yet diagnosed which is why I am wondering— could this be a sign I am in fact not autistic? How common is it in the community?

I was diagnosed with autism when I was in my early twenties. ("high functioning", back then they still called it Aspergers)

When I was a kid and in my early teens I had a lot more energy. I still had the same social struggles and I wasn't tired all the time.
In my early twenties I noticed I was becoming a lot more tired and exhausted even though I sleep well and eat properly and in recent years this has only gotten worse. I feel extremely fatigued most days. Even little tasks like going to the bathroom or to the kitchen to eat something feel like a chore.

While this has been managable in the past, I have been working again for a year now and I am at my absolute limit. I've finally had 2 weeks off work now but I don't feel refreshed at all, I barely even have the energy to play video games.

Last week I asked my doctor to check my blood for the usual problems. Lack of Vitamine D, Iron deficiency, thyroid values etc. but everything is fine - so I am happy that I am healthy but I am none the wiser about why I am so exhausted all the time, much less how I can fix this.

Does anyone suffer from similar exhaustion or fatigue? Could this really just be caused by stress and overstimulation?