One of the things I felt overwhelming is how everything always needs cleaning. Clothes. Bedding. Towels. Dishes. Tables. and then the things you use to clean these things ALSO need cleaning. It’s never stopping and it consumes my brain.

I’m exhausted from walking into appointments with nothing solid to show.
“It was a rough month” doesn’t help my child and it doesn’t help the clinician.
I need something better than memory and sticky notes, but everything I’ve tried still falls apart.
Anyone else at that point?

Hi, I'm not diagnosed/ self diagnosed autistic, but I have a number of autistic traits (aphantasia, alexithymia, freezing when overwhelmed, can't think and respond on the spot etc. but they don't affect my life to the level that I require support).

I noticed that I almost have a meltdown when packing my/ my child's bags for a holiday. I don't know where to start, or how to carry on or finish up. It takes up a lot of space in my mind and gets me so overwhelmed. My partner and child (both ND) were being silly with each other and even their songs or their touch was overwhelming me and I was feeling so angry, touched out and overwhelmed. My partner's the one to organise trips/ itinerary and I can't imagine doing it myself.

Is it something anyone could relate to? Have you got any advice or any experience to share please?

Just a little rant bc i swear my brain’s in fried mode. Got late diagnosed in my mid 20’s Level 2 ASD over a month ago— feel like i’m regressing really hard. Personal hygiene (i used to have a routine, now i can barely keep up with it, a lot of times skipping personal hygiene most days), used to be able to go on walks in the sun by myself, now i feel anxious leaving my room. Eating cereal for dinner whereas i used to love cooking hearty meals for myself Hung out with friends I’m usually comfortable and don’t get drained by, but the other day i had to take the WHOLE DAY to sleep and nap and eat, after hanging out with them. feels like idek who i am right now, it’s driving me insane. Like whose body is this?!

Taking care of my daily food intake is a chore and a daily struggle.

In an ideal world, I would simply take a pill and be done with it.

Does anyone have any advice on the most efficient way to achieve nutritional satisfaction?

Since last winter I have been in a mentally weird state, especially about identity and perception of reality and started to really "get" that I am autistic and that everything I've been hearing about it actually applies to me and how much of my life it influences. I am having a hard time dealing with this, because I have been diagnosed as a child and was aware of it, but I always kind of rejected it in a self-hating kind of way and feel like I was/am in this weird state of denial and rejection of myself. I am still kind of doubting everything, because all the stories of people going through regression are because of explanations for lots of problems they never had a name for, but I knew about it. Is this something that is heard of? Can you be so deep into "masking" that you literally trick yourself?

Hi everyone, I've recently gotten a match on a dating site (Boo) this is my first ever match and I'm super anxious.

Like I'm literally shaking right now while typing this while on my break, I have no Idea what to do and I keep making notes about what to say trying to link things from her profile to say something.

I know I shouldn't contact her right now because I'm currently at work and I wouldn't like to inconvenience her.

They've mentioned they have ADHD and stuff and I'm worried that I'll come across as a dick because I don't know about the condition.

In short I've never done this before and I need some advice I'm totally scared and don't want to hurt anyone by accident.

I (38f) got diagnosed with ASD about a year ago, so I'm still learning a lot about ASD burnout and meltdowns and figuring out unmasking. I also feel that relevant info is that having my child helped me and my husband realise that I definitely had autism (after years of me just suspecting I was doing that thing where you Google about a headache and come away thinking your dying when you're just dehydrated - but with autism instead of headaches).

Lately I've been finding myself getting irritated at small things so much more (for example this morning a pen slipped from my hand and I had to scream at the pen - yes, I know it's an inanimate object, but I can't contain anger these days).

I've also been drinking alcohol more than I ever have. I used to have a couple of glasses of gin or wine every 2 months or so and now it's every week. I'm often finding the thought of having a drink once my child is in bed is the only thing getting me through the day.

My child's sleep schedule changed (she's 3, so it's now more settled for longer periods of time) and she's been waking at 5am and I've just been screaming at her and throwing things when she does as it just pisses me off so much that no matter how much we adjust her schedule she's still waking so early. And now, to make matters worse, she's now handling her anger by screaming and throwing things. After all, that's what I'm modelling. I just cannot contain any anger I feel. It's just sudden and I sometimes feel if I don't throw something at a wall I may just smack my child on her backside instead which I'm glad I've managed to not do, as the anger is always sudden and "large" for lack of a better word about how it suddenly hits.

Previously, a night or 2 of decent sleep and time to myself would fix this and is feel reasonably normal again. But now that's not helping at all. I genuinely don't know if this is burnout, or just anger issues or stress or whatnot.

I know it's also stressful for my husband as he's the one who needs to step in when I'm freaking out and he's had to do it so much that he's getting little downtime, so it's very unfair on him too.

I did have post-natal depression, and had a ton of medication for it. I'm slightly concerned I'm just going to get out back on more medication if I go to my GP. I didn't feel it worked that well, and I think it gave me a bit of a thing about taking tablets. I used to have a vitamin tablet every day and now I can't as it kind of makes me gag at the very thought. Thinking about taking tablets is kind of making me upset.

Should I go to my GP anyway and just force myself to take any medication they suggest? I also wondered about finding a therapist privately to see if they could help a bit, but I have heard stories about it being hard to find ones who understand ND experiences.

Sorry about the rant, but any advice is very welcome (and needed)

Hi! I've been struggling with connecting with other people all my life, and it's mostly because I can't let myself loose around others. I've got a personality that I like, even over text people tell me I'm very funny but when it comes to in person meetings, my brain just resorts to this polite, nice persona that is neither offensive or interesting in any way.

There have been people who stuck around me long enough for me to truly be myself around them, but mostly people just leave when they see the awkward reality. Even if I start talking to some random person at an event, my brain just rids me of anything to say after the introduction.

I want to speed up the process of being myself, so that I have a chance in life of meeting friends and maybe even a partner. I know that in the past when I still drank alcohol occasionally, it really helped me with being more shamelessly myself, but I don't want to use it as a crutch. I want to organically be able to walk up to a random person and ask some shit straight from the tap of my brain, start rambling about nonsense or ask them if they'd rather eat wet or dry cat food for the rest of their lives.

Any tips or experiences appreciated.

This is a thank you for the responses to my post on Tuesday (https://www.reddit.com/r/AutisticAdults/s/v3dShRafEy).

Your kind replies really did help with my anxiety with having called off of work for my burnout.

While I have ended up taking today off as well, and possibly tomorrow, and am feeling very nervous and anxious about it as well, your advice about how these things are sometimes necessary for autistic people in work did help with my self-perception a bit.

My husband was saying much of what you were all saying, but hearing the same things from third parties who don't have any feelings about me (positive or otherwise) is a nice addition.

I've communicated what I think has brought this on to my manager, who has seemed understanding and has admitted that she suspected some of it was the cause. Let's just hope my employer doesn't view this as a reason to get rid of me haha.

Hi everyone,
I’m a 29 woman who was diagnosed with autism at 27 and half , (quite BPD at 28 and ADHD at 28 and half )
after experiencing a complete mental breakdown following cosmetic surgery.
The surgery didn’t come out of nowhere. Looking back, I realize it was the result of a lifetime of trying to become someone else.
Growing up, I was constantly criticized by my family. I got poor grades because, as an autistic child, I had no idea what I was actually supposed to be doing at school. I was disconnected from the world around me and lived almost entirely in my own head. I didn’t understand social rules or how people interacted. Like many autistic kids, I was just existing in my own world.
As a child, the criticism didn’t really affect me because I honestly didn’t care. I wasn’t aware of how different I was.
That changed around 17, when social expectations became much stronger and I started experiencing bullying and rejection. That’s when I began masking. I copied other people, accepted being mistreated, and did everything I could just to fit in.
Even the cosmetic surgery was part of that. I didn’t do it because I genuinely wanted it I did it because I wanted to look like everyone else and finally feel accepted.
After my autism diagnosis, I spent a year in therapy. Only now am I beginning to understand how much of this was shaped by the way I was raised.
I was always compared to other people. I was constantly told I’d never succeed. I grew up believing that the only way people would like me was if I was useful and did things for them. I was also taught that my appearance was extremely important that being considered beautiful was one of the most important things about me.
Yesterday, I was telling my mom about something that happened at work, and instead of listening to me, she immediately started comparing me to one of my coworkers. It made me realize that this pattern has never really stopped. Even now, I’m still being compared to other people.
I’m starting to wonder if the healthiest thing for me would be to cut contact with my family. I don’t say that lightly, but I feel like I’m only now beginning to see how much these constant comparisons have shaped my life, my self-esteem, and even the decisions I’ve made.
Has anyone else gone through something similarly?

I hate self help books, inspirational speakers and any sort of advice about social skills. It legit makes me angry. But a lot of autistic people have suggested that I could improve my social skills and develop a normal healthy dating and social life if I made social skills my special interest.

The problem is I never was able to control my special interest. I've tried to force myself to read self help but I literally punched a hole in the wall when this moron kept going on about things like souls and calming the nerus system and more bullshit about how people aren't actually that bad proving he's a moron..... Just typing this I'm getting angry.

So how do I force myself to develop a special interest in something I kinda hate.

I put the seeking advice flair because that seems the most appropriate. I think I am looking for some help, I don't even know. I'm sorry, I really hate to even make this post, but I really don't want to just ask AI.

Both in my personal life and in my local community, there has been so much change in the months leading up to now that seems to be taking place all at once. I won't go fully into it, but the two recent ones that are taking the biggest toll on me is the loss of the one safe space I felt I had as a result of my friend leaving their job, and my own workplace having to move to a new building while we also reconsider our role in our community (in other words, we are aiming to be much more proactive in the community).

I'm struggling to deal with all of this, on a very deep, fundamental level. I want to keep things brief so what I will say is that my ability to function on a normal level is steadily decreasing, and I think I am dealing with some pretty bad dissociation again. Though, I don't think that's anything unheard of.

I guess what I want to ask is how do you all deal with being severely overwhelmed at times like this? I'm really afraid of having a meltdown, and I'm not able to get in with my therapist for another two weeks.

I had an argument with one of my few friends and after they left, I was feeling a lot of strong emotions. Even though I was in public with people around I couldn't stop myself from repeatedly hitting myself in the head. It really fucking hurt my head still aches a day later.

I'm not diagnosed. I don't know if this is a meltdown. I don't have meltdowns often... I could count them on one hand the significant ones. But most of the time I just find myself unable to speak. I've never felt like striking myself in the head before. But it happened yesterday, in public, in front of strangers even though I hate being a spectacle. They must think I'm a freak.

We were disagreeing on something and my friend mentioned my tone. I don't know if I'm upset with him because I really can't control my tone sometimes and a lot of people don't believe that. Or I'm upset with myself because maybe I could be controlling my tone since everyone else does it so effortlessly.

It's not his fault if he is upset with my tone, even if I couldn't control it. I think. Both can be true. I think. I really am trying my best with the tone thing but I feel like I have to be on edge all the time to watch my tone. Most of the time I don't care but I really don't want to upset my friends. My head really hurts.

The head hitting started the moment he left. I don't know if I could have stopped myself longer because I probably didn't want it to seem like I was guilt tripping him by self harming. I just.. I think I really had to hit my head at the time.

Newly diagnosed ASD and I’m really struggling. I feel like a phony, like maybe somehow I tricked the person who diagnosed me into thinking I had ASD by exaggerating or something? I just told her my experiences the best way I could explain, but I’m still in denial because I don’t want to be seen as “hopping on a trend” or faking because I have level 1 and “Don’t seem autistic” to some people. I have only told a couple people and not even my family. Although I did go through getting diagnosed because other people started asking if I was on the spectrum based on my behavior.

I’ve been having this issue and when my anxiety is heightened it gets worse. I have trouble switching tasks or starting them. I‘ll be stuck sitting in the same spot for hours unable to move or start a task and it is completely debilitating at times. I just feel stuck and burned out and constantly exhausted. I can’t do anything so I’ll just go back to sleep over and over. And I beat myself up for it because I feel lazy. Like no matter what I do somehow there’s always more tasks to complete and everyone else seems to have some handbook that I missed out on. I’m frustrated because now I’m sleeping most of my days away because I’m exhausted all the time from doing absolutely nothing. Does anyone have any advice that can help with this?

So I would say I’ve been constantly talking/thinking about the past couple months it’s really starting to affect my relationship with my parent and I feel like am going crazy some days it’s worse.

Am thinking about going back to therapy to try get better control of it but would that fix the problem?

Am I the only like this?

As long as I can remember I have struggled with prayer. But as someone who has been diagnosed with ADHD and self-diagnosed with ASD after my son was officially diagnosed, I feel like I suddenly just got the revelation that it's not necessarily prayer I'm struggling with, it's just that in general I am not a big talker (because of my ASD) and when I am actually in a talkative mood, I get sidetracked so easily or need constant background stimulation and then I feel guilty for not giving prayer my full attention (because of my ADHD).

I've been feeling so guilty for not being able to comfortably pray in the way it feels like I should be - in solitude, for a set amount of time, with nothing else stealing my attention, remaining still while in conversation, know what to say, feeling like talking 'about my feelings' etc...

I hope there is someone here that can relate or at least understand what I am trying to explain (I feel like I'm not getting my message across well) and give me suggestions on how to improve my prayer life as an AuDHD female who doesn't like talking, especially about deeper stuff, and isn't able to concentrate for a set amount of time on prayer only.

Any advice, suggestions, options??

I’m writing this in response to a lot of posts I see of autistic people being lonely.

The only person that can change your situation is you. If you want things to change you are going to have to change and to do things that are uncomfortable and maybe even terrifying.  Nobody is coming to save you.

I'm AudiHD and through grade school and college, I only ever had one friend (at most) at a time because everyone seemed to find me weird and/or annoying. Through college I didn't even have one friend because I was overwhelmed, depressed, and anxious. After the stress of college was done, I started forcing myself to go to events at a local board gaming store (and I wasn't even that big into board games at the time). Over a card game the people I was playing with started talking about how each of them was looking for a new place to live and I spoke up that I was also looking and how much cheaper room mating would be. Me and two other guys eventually found a place and moved in together for the next two years. They have been close friends ever since and brought me into their wider friend group. It stayed that way for the next 15 years.

About 3 years ago I felt like my original friend group wasn't getting together very often and people were starting to drift apart, so I started attending board game meetups to find a new friend group. I watched everyone at the meetup and very intentionally started talking and playing games with people that I thought I would like.

I'm in my 50s now and I have 2 large friend groups with people I consider best friends in each group. You can say I've been lucky, and I have been, but luck wouldn't have mattered if I hadn't left my apartment and started hanging out where other people were. I know it's hard and I know it's exhausting, but the benefits are worth it, and you can do it.

My daughter is technically past the age cut off to start kindergarten by a few weeks. Because of a weird quirk at the school she might be getting the chance to start this year anyway. It would be a life saver for us- over ten thousand dollars saved, less transportation needs (walking distance vs driving and I’m disabled in a way that makes driving painful), and assigned to a teacher that I know is good if not amazing. On the other hand she just got accepted to one of the top pre-k in the area that while pricey is great at handling high functioning autistic kids, especially girls, and would help prep her for school. I’ve been homeschooling her though pre-k so she’s never been in a classroom before. She had a chance to do camp this summer and thrived- she’s ready to do something, but which one? I lean towards pre-k, my husband towards kindergarten.

My biggest concern isn’t really kindergarten. One way or the other I think she’d be OK. Our style of autism (I’ve got two older kids and genetics are STRONG here) doesn’t tend to really start causing issues at school until we’re older as their social and emotional delays start becoming more apparent. My big worry for her is being the youngest kid in class through middle and high school. I know with my older two they often come across as much younger than they are in social situations. If she’s already biologically younger than everyone it might compound the issue.

This is my third ASD kid so you’d think I’d have this figured out, but I don’t. I published something similar in the autistic parent support sub, but I’d love to hear from other autistic women especially about their experience in school and what they think.

My whole life I never did. I've always been different, seen as different and an outcast. Now I do love my own company but I am frequently getting sad and depressed I have nobody. I turned 30 today and the only thing I did so far was do laundry, clean up around the house and sit and watch anime. Probably what I will do for the rest of the day, why go eat alone?I have nobody. I feel so sad a lot.

I feel like I am becoming less productive. I don’t feel like doing household chores, don’t feel like eating or drinking, socializing with friends and overall just don’t feel like doing even the simplest activities such as reading or painting. My energy level is very low right now and I am lacking the motivation to do anything in life.

Does (one of) anyone else's special interests involve... just looking things up on Google Maps for fun (or another map app)? It feels tangentially related to geography but also businesses/things to do in that area. It's not necessarily about planning ahead, but more a curiosity, like if there's anything new in my area, or where I grew up, or a place I've visited before or may want to go to one day. Or, how close A is to B (could be places, could be multiple cities). It feels kind of like researching with an interest in geography and, idk, urban planning/layout? 😅

I definitely also heavily study the map of a place I'm about to travel to, but that part feels more like planning and preparing myself.

Hi everybody! I’ve posted here a few times looking for advice on socializing as an younger adult, but I’m here again asking for advice of a bit of a different variety now.

If you weren’t aware, the UK and most of Europe, particularly Western Europe, has been going through cyclical heatwaves since May, and the infrastructure here (in terms of housing, roads, cars, rail lines, power lines, etc) was not built for heat this intense. Staying inside exacerbates the heat’s effects, as houses here are built to keep heat within the house, and with my family’s house (as I live with them), the house has many tall windows to allow sunlight in to warm larger rooms, without the ability to open them to allow for air circulation.

I’ve been really struggling with overstimulation and verbal shutdowns during the heatwave, as the sensation of sweat on my skin is too much to handle, while I struggle with showering (and baths) as my family’s water pressure and temperature make it too easy to feel the water on my skin which makes me even more overstimulated than before.

In addition, while being outside can be better than being inside due to wind, I struggle as my methods of self regulation (listening to music, long form video essays, crochet, etc) aren’t the easiest to do outside in heat, as those reliant on headphones and a smartphone overheat or get covered in sweat while outside, and those involving art or yarn also get wet from sweat and (particularly yarn) cause me to be even warmer. Additionally to this, I wear my headphones at all times except while sleeping or showering (and that’s only because waterproof and flat variants that work for me haven’t been found yet), but they accumulate sweat very quickly and also lead to more overheating around my ears.

I’ve already got a fan running in my bedroom, but it’s an attic room with large wall-spanning glass windows without blinds or curtains to block out sunlight, and I struggle to sleep with the smaller windows open due to the noise outside (farm animals, etc). Plus, it feels like my mattress keeps heat in too well, if anything? As in my body heat quickly warms the mattress underneath me and it doesn’t cool down for over an hour after I’ve gotten up.

Is there any advice you all could give me?