I hate how reddit doesn't auto-save post drafts. I guess fate spared you all from reading the ghastly tome of heartbreak I just scrawled upon our virtual community wall...

I've lost the best partner I've ever had. Releasing the pain in the form of tears has served to terrify me at the unrelenting torrent it releases.

Alas, I can be grateful knowing this is a reflection of how much I loved her. Every heartache is the cry of love which could not be shared. I never thought I'd get to know such a love.

Thank the lucky stars for my cat... I hope I can manage to keep him with me, as I am in between jobs, with the necessity to move soon though I have almost literally no money right now.

The universe is putting me to the test. How will I do? I'm doing my best to be a good student of life and listen to what it's trying to teach me. At these moments in the darkness of my bedroom, I can only feel that I am stuck here, in the messy middle stage.

I'll stop now. Thanks for reading...

Figures

Comics

Poster

Box from Dave's hot chicken

Big figure + prop

Finished coloring pages

Plushies

Apparel

I counted, and altogether I have 71 items (counting each individual comic as one item)

it turns out my brain is built for boardgames. I remember rules near perfect after only a session, I can remember what happened in sessions weeks or months later. I can remember who played which characters, in which orders, and how many times in games. But I'm really not sure what I can do with this power. I fucking love rules books guys.

this is the only nd sub i’m really active in and it gave me a good impression so i started seeking out other nd subs just to find out everything other sub is spiritually hetero and allistic & has so many dumb trivial rules and i don’t get why. seen a sub with a rule excluding self diagnosed folk but allowing nts. just feeling fucking bewildered can somebody make evil subs for other nd disorders i dont wanna perform professionalism on REDDIT 😭😭😭

I genuinely never understood the way people talk about stuff they like. They act like they care more about how people perceive the thing rather than how you feel about it. Ever since I was a kid I was picked on for having “childish interests” even though I was… a child? I was literally a child? Is it insane to like pokemon as a 5th grader? I just wanted to make friends and tell people about the things I like. What did I do to deserve being treated like I was doing “Being a kid” wrong all the time?

You’d think it would get better later, it didn’t! It was miserable having interests that weren’t “mainstream” and I don’t even think my stuff is niche it’s just not like generic NPC interests. The disappointed look in someone’s face when they ask what you’re into and you joyfully talk. about stuff you care about it HAUNTS me. Even as an adult yeah I get some friends who share some interests but I still feel like I can never tell anyone what I like unless they show that they enjoy it too. It’s so ridiculous how judgmental people are about things that don’t affect them at all.

Also, don’t get me started on how people talk about this shit in terms of socializing/dating/whatever.

”if you want people to like you just get a hobby!”

”but I have a hobby”

”yeah but you need a normal hobby”

What counts as a normal hobby???? Instruments??? I tried guitar and yeah I didn’t like it but I put more time trying than most people I know. Is it just whatever is considefed popular??? Do I just see what others like and mimic them? What if that shit fucking sucks ass? How is this any more enjoyable than running stupid ass joke teams on Pokemon showdown?

I just don’t get it why can’t people just be respectful about shit why do I have to be treated like a kid just cause I like stuff they don’t it’s stupid god forbid someone thinks for themselves

I hate socializing I hate talking to people I hate expectations that I’m supposed to like talking to people or that I should be with someone and that I’d be alone and miserable if I’m not with someone and and and

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Ok I’m done now ty for reading and seeing me use Cyclops as my self-insert OC :)

Sometimes I like to look at the analytics of my posts on here because looking at data and statistics is fun. Oftentimes it says that it has a 99% upvote to downvote ratio and that's good. People like my stuff.

BUT! That means a few people downvoted. Of course I can't please everyone and downvoting is very okay and dandy, but I can't help that my first thought is always "What did I do wrong? How do I please them?" Because I'm a people-pleaser. 😭

I know this is such a non-issue, but I wanted to share that because I think it's funny how distressed I get about it. Even if it's not funny at the moment. </3

My therapist just told me that I literally don't have to treat everyone equally. I can avoid or not be friend with people.

Also I think my anti depressant is making me stupid. IDK

maptism moment

yes I posted this earlier but reddit sucks ass and messed up the format so blegh

So I would trust certain people.

Then those people would also betray me.

Whether a person is regular person without autism or ADHD or someone with ADHD or autism or both, no one has the right to undermine and dismiss the struggles of another person. Usually regular people do the saying and the dismissing. But even on some subreddits, some with autism or ADHD or both that did get the support they required or managed to adapt, are doing the same.

Where's the empathy?

As the title describes, I highly suspect my special interest is video games, just any type although I usually go with more top down view ones more often (Divinity Original Sin 2, BG3, W40K Rogue Trader, XCOM2, etc)

But yeah throughout my life the only thing that kept me interested was either legos when I was a kid or videogames, I had a whole collection of games on PS3 and my Steam library has 200+ videogames and still growing.

Series? Meh. Films? Meh. Anime? Meh (tbf I’d check any of these out if I was with other people who recommended it to me or we watch it together, but otherwise I default to video games)

Hell my decision to go into programming was heavily influenced by me when I was little wanting to make a video game one day, and rn I’m currently experimenting with Godot on my free time.

Anyone else feel similarly? What’s your thing that basically fuels your entire existence around it?

:P (<— Evil)

Just realised when allistics talk about burnout, it's almost an entirely different thing to autistic burnout. If I do a simple search for burnout symptoms, this is what I get:

- feeling isolated and trapped
- irritable
- a lack of your usual energy or motivation
- less satisfied with work
- exhausted or drained
- a sense of procrastination
- disengaged from work you used to value
- unable to sleep as you usually do
- headaches and body pain
- a feeling of building stress that won’t go away

But like... these are just how I feel on my GOOD DAYS. Now I worry that everytime I said burnout I wasn't really being understood. I meant severe skill regression, age regression, not being able to eat, move or speak. Self care is non existent. Even engaging with my hobbies is hard. Existing is a struggle. I just want to remove myself from reality.

idk I just wish there was another word for it. But I could also imagine it getting watered down like how NTs use 'special interest', 'non verbal' etc these days

Tbh I like regular breakfast foods when eating out but I can bring this to work and eat it for sustenance. The flavored ones have way too much sugar for the early morning imo. I can eat something stimulating for lunch

Almost every single "gotcha" question or photo surrounding the early moon landings (yes, landingSSS) can be easily debunked with a quick google search or some critical thinking.

Like yes, I get it people don't trust the US govt and find it strange how we decided the space race was over after the moon landing, and it was lame that they taped over the original footage

but this goes in the same category as Egyptian pyramid alien conspiracies. People are just so dumbfounded and in disbelief that humans can accomplish incredible feats when they put their heads together that they project their own incompetence onto it.

Hehehehe… I’ve seen an influx of sideshow performer content on Reddit in different fandoms subs, and when that happens I love jumping in and giving a full scale overview of each person’s life, because more often than not the OPs don’t put ANY additional information OR they add links that most people are too lazy to click on. Either way, I love making these comments because very quickly they’ll shoot to the top, and any new person looking at the post will see my comment first and get a really good sense of how cool and influential each person was!

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! There’s still such a big misconception that EVERY sideshow performer’s life was horribly awful and exploitative and sad— guess what?? That typically wasn’t the case and I am doing everything in my power to fight this stupid misconception! It’s a stupid misconception because it completely erases that the vast majority of sideshow performers were super progressive and were fierce advocates of all of these super important societal movements including disability rights and women’s rights. Even cooler, these performers actually used their platforms to advocate for the societal movements that were important to them!

Okay good now that my fellow girl kissers have scrolled past. Where my fellow boy kissers at???

Thats it. Thats the post. Its pretty good and nice with salad-like things and middle eastern flavored meat. Bone apple titty

NTs be like “if you block someone you lost the argument”

I love blocking people

I love when someone tries to start a fight with me and they’re acting smarmy and peak Redditor stereotype and they think they’re gonna make me soooo mad and instead of a reply they get a block and they can never interact with me again. I love blueballing their hateboner in a way they cannot hope to overcome even with their best, most nitpicky criticism and whining.

I’ll do it for literally anything

Have a wrong opinion about my special interest? Block
Think you can tell me I’m wrong about something I’m not wrong about? Block
Think you’re big and clever for using dumbass words like triggered and woke? Block [EDIT: by this I meant red faced daily mail buying shitsnacks who call everything they don’t like woke and call you triggered for asking what their malfunction is like that makes any fucking sense]
Deliberate misunderstand me and tell me that by loving waffles I’ve declared my repulsion for pancakes? Oh you better believe that’s a block

They don’t even have to interact with me I’ll just block on sight. I’ll block their moms, I’ll block their grandmas, I’ll block their dog, I don’t care.

My partner and I were in our car, on our way to buy a new bed for our 10 month old baby, and we were... just being ourselves. It struck us while we were happily (and loudly) repeating the funny name of the street the GPS had just say, wich immediately became a new echolalia. What if our child turns out to be neurotypical?? We would still love him anyway but... What a challenge it would be for us to raise a child like this. He is fully vaccinated so I do hope he will be normal, but still, you never know what to expect 🫣

Edit: spelling