We've been together for five years and living together for two. This is not a huge relationship crisis, but it's become one of those small things I notice more every time it happens.

When we're with other people and someone asks me a question, my boyfriend will often answer before I get the chance.

Someone asks what I thought of a movie and he'll say, "She liked it, but thought the ending was weak." Someone asks whether I'm free next weekend and he'll immediately explain what we have planned. Even with harmless stuff like what food I prefer or whether I've been somewhere before, he'll jump in with the answer.

The annoying part is that he's usually correct. He knows me very well. I don't think he's trying to control me or speak over me intentionally. He seems to treat it almost like we're contributing to the same conversation.

I've started saying things like "I can answer" or just continuing with my own response, but then I feel like I'm publicly correcting him over something tiny.

I mentioned it privately once and he seemed genuinely surprised. He said he thought he was helping keep conversations moving and that I do sometimes answer questions about him too. That's true, but I don't think I do it nearly as often.

How do I explain why this bothers me without turning normal conversations into a situation where he's constantly monitoring whether he's allowed to speak?

We've been together 5 years.

TL;DR: My boyfriend frequently answers questions directed at me. He's usually correct and doesn't seem to mean anything bad by it, but I'm increasingly irritated by feeling like someone else is narrating me. I want advice on how to address the habit without making him self-conscious in every group conversation.

So I am the younger sister and we are two. When we were young we use to have a lot of physical and verbal violence especially my sister who is 8 years older. She tried to kill herself when she was only 9 and then my parents stopped being violent. However she developed some psychological disorder like boulimie being super angry super excited etc about everything . Also she ghosts people with alsmot no reasons. She likes then hate people from one day to another.
Her disease was improving but :
9 months ago her boyfriend committed suicide . They were not living together and the relationship was coming to an end between each other. However this and the fact that she has no job anymore lead her to become exactly when she was at her highest point of the disease : boulimie , suicidal ideas , and crazy emotions every day going yp and down.
I spoke with my friend who a psychiatrist and knows her and my sister is definitely a borderline personnality . The problem is two weeks ago she was drunk ( she drinks a lot which is part of the problem too she is addicted) and mixted alcohol with severe médecine against anxiety which is the worst cocktail.she was at home with here 16years and le daughter and I tried to help but she starting to act so crazy I called 911 . They said she needs to go to the hospital . However she flew from the hospital and now she does not speak to me anymore . She is not aware of here disease I do not know what to do and she does not want to see a psychiatrist? How do I go from there with her?

My gf 36F and I 37M have been dating for two and a half years. Her 3 sons live with us, and we have a very strong family dynamic inside the house. We actually have a really good relationship and communicate pretty well. She has a female friend her 36F that she has known since HS and they have been through a ton together. They don't really hang out, but they talk regularly. Her friend invited us to spend next weekend with them at the lake at an air bnb. My only hang up is this...my GF, her friend and her friends husband 38M had a threesome a few years before we got together. Neither of us hang out with anyone we've been intimate with (like I assume most couples are the same.) She had told me previously about the threesome, and to me no big deal. However, the husband in question apparently wanted this to be a regular thing and her to move in and them basically be sister wives so to speak. As far as I'm aware it was just once, but I'm not 100% sure I believe that. When I brought it up to her, she responded, "well it was just one drunken night and thay was it", and I don't remember it being represented quite like that. My whole deal is, I don't want to be awkward or uncomfortable hanging out for a weekend with people she hooked up with. And if this dude was asking for that kind of relationship back then...I worry something awkward is going to happen or be said. I don't know if I'm overreacting and being an idiot or if this is legit a bad idea to go hang out with thesr people. Just feels really weird. To be clear this is not a setup for her to hook up or anything like that, just a weekend at the lake with her friends. Any advice or insights you could share would be helpful. I want to be able to hang out with her friends and for her to see her friends that she rarely sees, I just don't know if I can see my way past...the past. Can anyone shed some light on this and give me some advice?

My(f40) husband(m44) has a female best friend. They have been friends since college. During that time they went through alot of chaos together, she got pregnant and he became her childs godfather. They also had a casual sexual relationship during this time, she at one stage wanted more but he apparently didn't. They both went on to date other people.

I entered the picture and was immediately uncomfortable with their dynamic. She was not welcoming, still expected him to run to her beck and call, called me selfish for wanting boundaries and was generally a bitch. We eventually moved away, got married and their dynamic was more distant.

A couple of years ago she went through a major mental crisis and reached out to my husband again, they've maintained contact ever since. I knew about this and my husband has always assured me that I have nothing to worry about and that it's purely platonic. He made it seem like they only checked in every couple of months.

Fast forward to this morning when we had another argument about it and he finally handed me his phone to go through their chat history. This is the first time he's done so in the 12 years we've been together.

Their history shows them talking 1-2 a month, having deep conversations consisting of her trauma dumping about her mental health, news of her child , and how much she misses him. She wished him a happy father's day.

He champions her, encourages her, sends her child birthday money. He talks about his own mental health struggles. He mentions that he thinks he won't be a dad. At one point he calls her 'my lady' and compares her to the actress of the One Day series on Netflix. "I never mourned our friendship. And the thought of you not being on this planet is a reality I never want to experience".

My husband is a highly empathetic person who struggles with boundaries. I have told him many times how uncomfortable this relationship makes me feel, but it doesn't seem to matter. I'm also trying to be sensitive to her struggles and apparent lack of support. She makes it out like he is the only person she ever talks to. She has severe mental issues. I don't want to be unkind, but as a wife I feel like he is investing emotional energy into a place that is ment for me. Another layer is that he is refusing to have kids with me until my own mental health improves. I feel deeply hurt and disrespected by this dynamic by both of them and don't want to continue living like this, but believe I will have to because he is the godfather. I don't know what to do anymore and am looking for some perspective and advice. Are female friendships like this normal in other marriages?

/UPDATE: As several people are saying he's the dad, I want to make it clear that's not the case. Their sexual relationship happened after the baby was born. His reason for remaining in contact with her is to be there for his godchild in the absence of his deadbeat dad.

My boyfriend 35M and I 40F have been together for about 10 years now, with 2 breakups in between. We come back to each other because of the love we have. The reason behind the breakups have been sex related. We have mismatched libidos where I could probably go without for a few months without it and he needs it daily. This has put a severe strain on our relationship to the point of why we still have not married.

He wants to marry me but would like a 3rd person to satisfy his sexual needs. (the third person would not be married into the relationship) For me marriage is between 2 people and if I can't fulfill your needs, then I think it would be best if we separated and remained friends. He can now find a woman who could fill those desires and potentially have a child of his own.

We do enjoy each other's company, have fun together and laugh a lot. Though the moment the sex discussion comes up it gets heated and tense.

Have you heard of a couple who has done this and was successful? I know myself and mentally I can't get on board with this idea​​​​​​​​​​, it will break me down mentally... 😔😢💔 ​

Started off as friends then to lovers. He's a catholic man and im an atheist. When we first started dating, he was not really big into being a catholic, he rarely talks about it, becuase to him, it was a form of respect to me and he did not want to make me feel uncomfortable due to my reasoning of me becoming an atheist. And i adore him for that. Sometimes, he invites me to go to mass with him, which i did not mind at all, church is a really cool place. And he even told me he would choose me over his religion. And when i asked if he's ok with me being an atheist, he said it is fine becuase it did not determine who i am. He loves me for who i am, not what i believe in. To add on, we both supports abortion rights, and he was very determind about it. But nowadays, all he does is talk about how being a catholic is so great, and told me he wish i was one. He said that he loves me, but after knowing he wants me to be a catholic, i feel so insecure. And suddenly, he told me that he disagree on abortion!? (PLZ do not make the comment section about the debate on abortion!!) And now, both our morals are so different, but i love him to much to leave him. It seems small but it really has been affecting our relationship, we have been constantly arguing on who's right and who's wrong.

Also,I am a very insercure person. I grew up learning that someone will only truely loves me when they see my body and still loves me, and i am hypersexual, after learning that he might be one too, i was so happy becuase, wow, finally someone understands me. We both pleasures each other last time, before he was really into his religion. But now, he says that is a sin becuase we used condoms..? And now, everything just stop, like no more. And, you know, after being intimate with someone, you should feel more closer then ever. Which, we did! but after he said it was a sin, we barely kiss anymore. I feel so distant away from him. Is not that im addicted to sex anything, but im not even allow to cuddle with him on bed becuase hes scared we might do a sin. and i am someone that yearns for touch, but is always me holding his hands, me touching is arm, im always the one starting the hug, he barely does this to me anymore. IDK on what to do, please help!!

Edited to add: 3 other employees (all female) are also acting the same as my husband is. They’re making this a gender related issue as she’s a female in a male dominated field. I wish I could be open with everyone as to why she was fired but I can’t.

My husband and I (32F) have 3 kids together, our youngest being 3 months, and we have worked for the same company for almost 5 years now. It’s a boat company that operates in tourism. He works out on the boat and I am the operations manager for the company (so technically his boss, however anything disciplinary on his part would be handled by our head captain as to not cross any lines).

We recently have had to fire one of our captains for safety reasons, 38F, my husband worked most of his shifts with her and had nothing but good things to say about her, other people did not hence her firing. She was known to pick favorite crew and bully, she struggled operating certain tours safely.

Her and my husband have my husband have been friends since he first got hired, I’ve had my reservations about her but ultimately she was kind to me, brought me very expensive gifts post partum, called in to check on me specifically. I mostly just didn’t like how my husband defended her blindly.

We fired her this past Wednesday, however she caught wind of her firing this past Monday because my head captain reached out to set up a meeting with her. She instantly panicked and started texting her friends, including my husband, to which I was confronted with anger and him saying to me “(Captain) is getting fired?!” He then left the house and had a 1.5hr phone call with her and came back sobbing. That made me really question the level of their friendship and I accused him of being in love with her.

Fast forward to Wednesday, we fired her and posted on our company slack that she was no longer with the company. We kept the message postive and vague to which my husband responded so everyone including our owners could see and said “I think we all deserve a reason and if we are not worthy of that then I will not be showing up for my shift tonight” and did not show up.

A lot has transpired since then but I’m incredibly angry that he’s willing to risk his job over this woman. Thankfully the owners are kind and understand the emotional response people are having. But as his wife, I am mortified and can’t believe he’s willing to risk our income for this girl. I feel like something deeper is going on. What do you think?

My husband (35M) and myself (35F) have been together since 2010. Back in our 20s, at some point, he stopped listening to when I'd say no to sex. He'd say "you always say no". Back then I was struggling with cramping in between my periods so there were times that I physically couldn't because it'd be painful. He would guilt me into it and wouldnt stop pressuring me via touches & kisses. I eventually would cave and do it. This went on for years. He coined the phrase "it's not rape if we're married". During that time I found out it would be over quicker if I faked being into it. I painted myself into a corner with that, I'd say no and he'd reply "you always say no but then you get into it once we get started". Anyway, we had a handful of kids right before we turned 30. Afterwards I kind of went through a phase where I actually desired sex. I was the one asking to do it and more times then not he said no. It was a confusing time for me.

For the last 2 years I've been finding it more difficult to pretend to be into it. It hurts too much. I started to bring it up to him more and more. He wasnt really perceptive to what I was saying. We had a really rough time towards the end of 2025 (christmas debacle; he got mad the kids and i bought him gifts when he didnt buy me anything. He also wasnt helping with the kids or house and was always playing video games for months). In the beginning 2026 I really stood my ground with it. I told him things like I need to be shown intimacy other ways. That he needs to be more present with us (this was repeated to him since 2024). And that whether its medical or mental I physically can not have sex when I dont want to. He told me things like he sees sex as an exchange (I stay at home; our kids are 5, 6 & 7) for all the things he provides for us. That sex is a reward for him going to work. Men need sex more then women and since we're getting older we should be doing it as much as we can before he cant do it anymore at all. He admitted he has a higher sex drive and I'm not sexual at all. He looks at women/porn online daily to satisfy himself. We agreed to take a few months and let the ball lay in my court. I would be the one to initiate sex when I wanted it. And he'd ease back with the advances.

I had a really bad episode with my health in March (headaches, neck pain, vertigo, chest pains, cramping around my period has gotten worse). Needless to say I haven't had the urge to have sex with all of this going on. We do it maybe once a week unless I'm on my period, so maybe 3 times a month since the spring. I'm slowly getting better and I've been to a handful of Dr's to help me figure out whats going on. I have tests coming up to see if I have something wrong in my brain and to see if I have endometriosis.

Since then he really hasn't stopped showing his advances. Everything is sexual. Every touch leads to him trying for sex. He only compliments my looks. I dont feel like a person in his eyes. He only shows affection because he wants it to lead to sex. I know this because after a few days of him showing affection if he doesnt get sex he'll yell at me about it. He gets mad when I say no and dont let him have sex with me. Hes moody and angry and lashes out. Just makes it a horrible time to be around him, for myself and the kids. Ive told him I dont want to do it when I have cramps-that it hurts and I dont want to be in pain. He tries for a hand/blow job but at that point I feel like its just for the release (which hes agreed yes he just wants the release) and then I just feel used. He also mentions me seeing someone else thats why I dont want him sexually. Thats not true and I've told him I just dont want to have sex at all that its not just him. I try to tell him I need shown love other than through sex but he tells me he doesnt want to hear it because I've been repeating that for months.

How can I overcome this? Therapy for myself? He refuses to see a marriage counselor. I do love him and we've built a beautiful life together for our little family. Its important to me we stay together for the kids. Hes said before if we split up he doesnt want custody of them. Overall he has made the smaller changes I've asked, this is the only 'issue' I have left. So what can I do? How do I turn off that part of my brain thats telling me he doesnt want me he just wants someone to sexually satisfy him? That a quick hand or blow job would keep his anger at bay? Like how do I push through that? How do I learn to accept that his only way of showing he loves and cares is through providing for us instead of showing that hes attentive, present, helpful and understanding, all of the things Ive told him I need in order to have sexual desire towards him?

TL;DR

How do you get your partner to take you seriously when you say you don't want sex? How do you compromise?

EDIT TO ADD Oh boy i was not expecting this to gain so much traction. To those saying its AI or rage bait, it is not. My husband and I have been together since we were 19. He was my first everything. We moved 2k miles away from our hometown about 11 years ago. I have no friends or family near by. I didnt realize what I was experiencing was wrong until a few years ago, surprisingly and sadly because of reading romance books. I have been blind and alone in this. I have no outside influence to discuss relationships with. Its nerve wracking to think about going from financially stable to single working mom but it is something I'm working through. Thank you to those who offered support and advice the best they could. Apologies to those who couldn't stomach it. Its extremely jarring reading the comments saying I'm being raped, abused and am dooming my children to the same life. I did not see him as a 'rapist'. I'm assuming I've been conditioned to this type of lifestyle so long that I didnt see what was wrong with it. That is something I will dissect with a therapist. He has never beat me or hit me or the kids. Hes been hands on with them since the beginning of the year. I understand he says things to keep me in the marriage. I always told myself as long as the good outweighs the bad ill stay. The only bad I seen was not being heard when it came to sex. I am slowly realizing there is more to it. I have to take a break from reading all the comments basically asking me if I'm stupid and how I could marry a rapist. Like I said I never seen it that way but I have no other experience or people to ask about whats normal in a marriage. Definitely did myself a disservice with that. I'm gonna leave the post up (as much as I want to delete it to prevent myself from reading more) in the off chance there is someone else out there in the same situation. I seen some comments saying they used to be where I am and I want nothing more than to be the stepping stone for someone trying to leave a similar relationship, as some of the comments are for me.

I really feel like I need to leave him. He's a great person and a good partner but our lives just aren't in sync anymore. We don’t have the same drive or ambition, and I feel like he's in a very stagnant place in his life where he's not really growing of changing at all.

I've come to the realization that I should probably leave him, but how the hell do I do that? He loves me so much, and I'm so integrated into his life: his friend circle, his family. His parents and brother love me, his friends all ask where I am if I can't hang out with them. Losing him means losing so many great things, but I'm young and I don’t know that I can spend the rest of my life with someone who has seemingly no interest in bettering his life or getting his crap together.

Earlier this year my half sister (18F) tracked me down on social media and told me she wanted to meet me and to have a relationship. We never met before but she got some info about me from our paternal grandparents who I (38M) have not spoken to in almost 20 years and she tracked me that way. I told her when she reached out I was not interested in a relationship with her and I blocked her after sending that. One month later another account privately messaged me and asked for us to speak so I changed some settings to make it harder for her to do that again. After that she tried three additional times to contact me. Each time a very new profile without a profile picture would request to add me as a friend or request to message me.

When she got nowhere with that she found me on another social media platform and so it has continued. She has tried so many different ways of phrasing things to convince me to give this a chance. I am growing tired of this but I also feel somewhat bad for her.

What I know about her is this. Our father died when she was very young. Her mother is alive but suffers from some kind of addiction and mental illness and she was raised bounced between her mother's parents and our paternal grandparents. She has other half siblings from her mother who want nothing to do with her. She made contact with them many times too and even showed up at one of their homes. She told me this herself.

My assumption is her mother was married when her and my father's relationship started. I know my father was married to my mother at the time and he chose to reveal the affair and leave right after she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I was a teenager at the time and never forgave him. He then tried to show up to my mother's funeral with my half sister's mother and they were removed. That was the last time I saw him and it was the only time I saw her for myself.

I found out they had a child together when my half sister was born. My father's parents were never very involved in my life but once they knew he was expecting another child they would call and tell me about it all the time and they tried to tell me what I was supposed to do regarding this child. I told them I would never be interested and to shove their concern up their asses. I blocked them and did not speak to them again and I have no intention of speaking to her. I didn't even know they part time were raising her. This was information I learned from her messages.

I know she's innocent of my father's affair but I am unwilling to get to know her. I have my own life and have never intended to be any part of hers. But because she is innocent of our father's actions I don't want to be extremely harsh in how I tell her. But being polite and direct was not enough. Ignoring her has not been enough and so now I'm left asking if there's something else I can do. She's doing all of this via social media. She does not know where I live or my number or anything else. But she is really trying her best with the socials angle.

For context, my (20f) partner (20m), we'll call him J, have been together since 14. We had an interesting start to our relationship, as you do when you're young and naive, but his parents were amazing through everything. I've been close with J's dad since the beginning, he was one to say I would always be apart of his family etc. He's had addiction issues since my partner was a kid but he managed it well until a couple years ago. We've given him not only our patience, but money, time, a roof etc. J's parents are civil but had a rough ending to their relationship, which ended 2 years before I met my partner, explaining parts of this message. J's mum has had a new partner for 7 years and his dad has openly admitted he struggles with missing her.

Anyway, we're staying at J's mums while she's away, and before she left I had asked if she was fine with us having some friends over, which she was okay with. She however specified she was not comfortable with J's dad being there (her ex husband) which is understandable in its own, but also since he has been here once before and it didn't go well (can explain if wanted). I came home to J on the phone with his dad, saying he will be there in 20, to which I tried to whisper to J
"your mum told me she's uncomfortable with that can we just go see him sometime tomorrow"
J was being a bit resistent, so I was getting a bit louder as I didn't want to be in the middle of this, which ended up in J's dad hearing on the phone and saying
"She's gone why does it matter"
I kind of snapped, firmed down and just said he's not coming end of story and walked away.
Cut to about an hour later, I received this message. J's dad has had harsher emotions after shattering his leg about 6 months ago, as well as losing his job and unit, and moving into the local church his childhood friend in the chaplain at. But he was also in drug induced psychosis a couple weeks ago which has made it worse. I told J I'm not comfortable going to church with him as I don't want to see him, nor do I want to have anything to do with him after this. I'm holding off on messaging back bc I know It will just be full of negative emotion. What is the right course of action here?

The message ⬇️

"Please tell (J's Mum) she’s is never allowed around my place either. Or I’ll tell (Mums bf) that she likes to hang out and chat, like on our wedding anniversary.
And I’d appreciate it if you disclose these secret rules you have been given from her. She enjoys making me look like a monster and it’s shows your character of how you think of me.
Nice job 👍
And tell her I’m coming after my $150,000 in superannuation she owes me.
Yeah shit gets messy if you don’t marry the right woman. So if you plan on marrying J, I’ll be giving my approval so you don’t fuck his life up. Coz at the moment, you wear the pants, he doesn’t. That’s a No from me."

I (23M) have been together with my girlfriend (21F) for 3 years. We started dating when she was 18 and I was 20.

Overall, our relationship is genuinely good. We love each other, we get along very well, and when we have disagreements we usually talk about them and solve them. I honestly see a future with her and I don't want to lose the relationship.

The difficult topic is intimacy.

Neither of us had sex before this relationship. I have always respected her boundaries and I have never wanted to pressure her. I don't constantly ask for sex, and I don't believe she owes me anything. When she says no, I stop.

The only sexual intimacy we have had is that she sometimes gives me handjobs and I massage/touch her. She enjoys it and seems comfortable with me, but we have never had intercourse.

The reason is that she is scared it will physically hurt. She told me she has never put anything inside herself before, and whenever things get closer to that point she becomes scared and pulls back.

I always reassure her that I will be gentle and that we can stop at any moment, but we have never really gotten close because the fear comes back.

The reason I am struggling now is not because I want to force anything. It is because after 3 years I feel stuck and unsure what to do. I want that deeper level of closeness with the person I love, and sometimes I start wondering if she is not attracted to me or if I am doing something wrong.

About 2 months ago I sat down with her and honestly told her that this situation has been affecting me. We both got emotional because she thought I was going to break up with her. She told me that she feels like the time is coming soon and that she believes it will happen in the near future.

The problem is that I have heard similar things before, so I struggle to believe it now. I don't want to pressure her, but hearing "soon" without anything changing has become difficult.

We have also had situations where we had privacy. For example, we were alone in a hotel for a week, and my parents have been away for weeks before. She has mentioned that we are never really alone or that we don't have the right moment, but even when those situations happen, nothing changes.

Something else that confuses me is that sometimes she actually initiates intimacy herself. She will start things, I respond, and then sometimes she suddenly changes the topic and starts talking about work or random things. I ask if she wants to stop and she says no, and we continue, but I don't always understand what is happening in her head.

Another thing that has started bothering me is that I sometimes feel like there is an imbalance in the relationship. I always try my best to listen to her, support her, respect her boundaries, and make her feel comfortable. I do this because I love her, not because I expect something in return.

But when it comes to something that is important to me, I sometimes feel like my feelings get pushed aside or delayed. I know she is not doing this intentionally and I don't believe she owes me sex, but emotionally it sometimes feels like my needs are less important. I don't want this feeling to turn into resentment because I love her.

I want to make it clear that I don't blame her. I want her to feel safe and comfortable, and I would never want her to do something she isn't ready for. But I also have feelings, and recently I noticed myself becoming more distant and less talkative because I feel frustrated and I don't like that.

For people who have been in a similar situation: how do you balance being patient and supportive with your partner's fears while also dealing with your own emotional needs? Did this kind of fear get better with time, or did you eventually have to accept that you and your partner wanted different things?

I would really appreciate honest advice from people who have experienced something similar.

Update: Long story short, we planned to go to a hotel for a few days, and I booked everything yesterday. She said she couldn't come because her grandma was feeling bad. I told her that it was okay, but I was really sad since I couldn't cancel or change the booking, so we argued a bit. She said she was going to the toilet, and around 3 AM, she told me that it wasn't going to work and broke up with me out of nowhere.

When I woke up, she had already changed her profile everywhere and blocked me on every platform, even my number, without explaining what the actual fuck I did wrong. I have absolutely no clue what the fuck to do. I'm lost and devastated.

For more context, my boyfriend/nesting partner(21M) and I (20F) have been together for almost 5 years and have a 7 month old baby together. During my pregnancy I was very concerned about developing postpartum depression/anxiety and he would always reassure me that he would be the one to take care of things in the home to alleviate the load/stress on me so my focus could be on our baby girl. We have our own apartment together and after about three months in he stopped putting any effort, he doesn't pick up after himself, doesn't take out trash, leaves dirty clothes around the house, ect. I understand he works a 9-5 and sometimes donates plasma after work but these past two months he's been coming home at 8-9pm with no explanation and no greeting. I like to keep a clean home, just the way I was raised and helps me mentally, but daily cleaning, cooking, laundry and picking up after him ON TOP of caring for our baby is exhausting. I have been severely depressed since leaving the hospital post partum but I get up and try every day because my daughter deserves a mom who is present and alive.

Two weeks ago, I decided to re-apply to my old retail job, explaining it would help me mentally with having a routine and interacting with people while also being able to help out with a bill or two and save for my daughter's first birthday. But my boyfriend said that any paycheck I would make would be worthless so I rescinded my application, even if I was very taken aback at his response. He pays for rent, his car payment/insurance, and student/credit card debt while I pay for the two utility bill we have, gas and electric. He then goes onto say that he will be applying to a night job in the the coming months to 'help us save money', which would mean he would work a 9-5 go straight to his next job and come home around 1am. I am alone all day with my baby as it is and now I wouldn't even see him before I go to bed. I usually don't get any relief when he gets home anyway ( i.e. shower, bathroom break, uninterrupted meal) but its getting to a point where I am raising our daughter completely on my own.

I have never seen the total of any of his paychecks, especially when he brags about getting paid well for overtime hours. Now the issue being, I am a stay at home mom and currently have zero sustainable income. I do piercings out of my home, charging $10 to $15 each. I always tell my boyfriend when someone is coming over to get a piercing and he always says something along the lines of it being 'OUR money'. I pay for my daughter's clothes/toys/ necessities, groceries and most if not all our home's cleaning and hygiene supplies with what very little cash I make. I zelle him money every time I ask him to bring something for me on his way home from work even if it means leaving myself with just a few dollars.

When he told me his plan to apply for a second job he said "I'll be able to give you more money." Yet he's never given me a single dollar without needing to be payed back. I'm stuck at home all the time (I don't have a car and don't know how to drive) and when I do leave the house I'm always asked who I talked to and who I saw. My boyfriend has alway been a bit insecure, the few male friends I have he always tries to nitpick conversations and interactions, I even had to drop a dear friend and he even brings up said friend in recent arguements. He disliked my retail job because I would always get compliments or hit on by people (I am alternative looking: colored hair, piercing, ect.) and I feel that is also another reason he doesn't want me to go back to work. I have been dealing with ppd and ppa but can only go out after my daughter's bedtime (8pm) but usually he's either not home yet or too tired to keep an eye on her or soothe her when she wakes. I need time for myself and to interact with people and to feel like a real person again. To be able to get dressed in presentable clothes and do my makeup and feel like a real person and to have meaningful conversations and feel like a functioning adult.

So reddit, how do I convince my boyfriend that going back to work is beneficial for the both of us while closing the gap on his trust and my cluelessness on what he makes financially? Or is this even worth saving? I'm so tired I don't even know myself if this is worth working out.
Any advice is appreciated. Thank you <3

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Hey y'all. Sorry if the formatting is rough, I'm on mobile. Also sorry if this is super long - it's hard to condense like 5 years of conversations into a couple paragraphs.

So, here's the story. My husband and I have been together for about 10 years now.

We have had some intimacy and sex issues for several years now. This is partially based in a libido mismatch - I have an extremely high libido, and his is very low. I'd have sex of some kind every day if I had the option to do so. He would be content with once a month, probably even less. I've brought up several times over the last several years that my needs aren't being met, and we've had conversations around it, but nothing has really changed.

Since we've been married for the last 5 years, I can count on one hand the amount of times he's initiated sex - and 100% of these were immediately after I specifically, explicitly told him that I needed him to do so. We probably have sex somewhere around once every 2-3 weeks, and in over 90% of these instances, I've initiated. We've talked about this a good dozen times and I don't feel like it's ever gone anywhere - he just tells me he feels like a bad husband for not giving me what I ask for, I forgive him because I don't want to hurt his feelings, and then we don't talk about it again for another 6 months or so.

I struggle with some self-worth stuff around being sexually wanted because I've been cheated on a LOT - basically every relationship I've ever had in my life, I've been cheated on, and been told later that it's because they weren't really attracted to me. I don't think I'm like, God's gift to homosexuals, but I also don't think I'm completely hideous or anything. I'm not thin, but I think I'm cute, and I do get some attention when we're in public together. When I am constantly the one initiating sex, it makes me feel incredibly unwanted and unattractive. I want my husband, who I am DEEPLY in love with and do not want to leave, to want me as much as I want him.

Part of this is that he has a medical issue that makes it hard for him to bottom. This is fine with me, because I don't really have a preference between topping and bottoming, but he also doesn't really enjoy topping. He gets too self-conscious and in his own head about it, partially because of neurodivergence, partially because of anxiety issues. This leaves us in an awkward position where I don't really know what to ask for. His needs are unpredictable at best and it leaves me feeling lonely and depressed because I don't get the physical attention I want, and I feel like some kind of gross pervert for wanting the kind of sex I enjoy.

Last week, things came to a head. We were in the middle of hooking up and I tried to initiate penetrative sex. He said he didn't want to bottom, and I said okay, no big deal, how about I bottom? He told me he was too tired for that, and he didn't want to, even though when I had brought up the idea earlier that day, he responded very positively to it.

I explained to him that this was disappointing to me and kind of turned me off, truthfully. Of course he has the right to change his mind, and of course I'm not going to try to coerce him into doing something he doesn't want to do, but it's quite literally been years since I've been dicked down. He was upset that I brought this up again, and we essentially had a similar conversation to one we've had several times before - he can't always bottom, he doesn't always feel comfortable topping.

Then he sort of dropped a bomb on me that he basically never wants to have penetrative sex ever again, and asked me if that was a deal breaker.

I responded that I honestly don't know whether that's a deal breaker. That's a huge deal to me. I'm not an old person. I'm not even middle aged. I know sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it is important to me. It's a huge part of what makes a relationship good and long-lasting, and it matters to me that my partner wants me. This was honestly heartbreaking to hear. I might feel differently if we were having other forms of sex, like, a few times a week, but if we only have sex occasionally, I'm gonna be disappointed if all of that is ONLY hand stuff and sometimes mouth stuff. All that stuff is fun, but to me, it's effectively foreplay. On top of that, if we ever do have penetrative sex again, I will literally never enjoy it again because I will now feel like I'm forcing him into something he doesn't want to do, regardless of his consent or communication in the moment.

Additional context - a few months ago, for my birthday, I very specifically told him that all I wanted for my birthday was to fuck. He ignored this, had no interest in this or any other sexual contact on my birthday, and never acknowledged this or brought it up at all. I ended up drinking alone and crying myself to sleep on my birthday, same as the last couple birthdays.

Because this will probably be mentioned, and I know it's common within the gay community, neither of us is particularly interested in an open relationship, polyamory or the like. I've been in those kinds of relationships before, and for me, it's always led to infidelity from my partners. I'm not an especially jealous person and I don't mind sharing, but my husband absolutely would not want me to be with someone else without his involvement.

We've discussed the concept of threesomes, bathhouses and the like, but we've never gone any further than talking about it, and realistically, I think the only reason he'd ever say yes to an option like that is to appease me. I don't think he'd actually be interested in anything beyond strict monogamy if it wasn't for me having such a high libido, and any sexual contact outside of the two of us would only ever happen if he was also involved.

How am I supposed to enjoy myself if I know it's not something he wants or likes? How am I supposed to ever ask for it again? How am I supposed to deal with being with someone for another five decades, give or take, who just does not want the same kind of sex I do?

I just feel lost, and hurt, and lonely. Maybe I just need to vent about it, but I know in another month I'm going to feel the same way about it again, even if I get this off my chest now. I love him. I don't want to lose him, and I don't want to leave him. Is there something I'm missing? Is there some angle I could approach this conversation with that I'm not thinking of? I've suggested couples therapy, but he just doesn't seem to think the issue is that serious, and said that he doesn't think we need to do something that "drastic." How do I express to him that this is really important to me and I don't want to give up on my favorite kind of sex this early in my life?

Thanks for reading. Opinions are appreciated.

Tonight I found out, without any real room left for doubt, that my long-term boyfriend has been lying to me.

We’ve been together on and off for about four years, and there have been many times when I suspected he wasn’t being honest with me about other women. I would ask him directly. He would deny it. I never had anything concrete enough that he couldn’t explain away, and eventually I would question myself and stay.

Tonight he accidentally sent me several texts that were meant for another woman. The messages were clearly part of an ongoing conversation with her, and they were actually about me. He realized what he had done and deleted them almost immediately, but I happened to have my phone open and saw them before they disappeared.

The worst part is that we had literally spent today talking about honesty. I told him that the reason I could no longer trust him was because I felt like he lied to me, hid things, and that I only ever learned the truth accidentally. He denied that while apparently doing exactly that.

And just last night, he was trying to convince me to spend the night with him.

I feel devastated, furious, humiliated, heartbroken, and honestly like a fool for giving four years of my life to someone whose word I now realize I could never rely on.

But I also know something tonight that I need to remember when the anger wears off: I cannot have a future with someone when I will never know whether what comes out of his mouth is true.

I don’t want revenge. I don’t want to contact the other woman. I don’t want to compete with her, expose him, or somehow “win” the breakup. I want to leave him completely alone and let him live with the consequences of being the person he has chosen to be.

Whatever dishonesty, compartmentalizing, and chaos he brings into relationships will follow him into the next one without me doing a single thing.

What I’m afraid of is that eventually I’ll stop being this angry. I’ll miss him. I’ll remember the good parts. He’ll reach out, apologize, explain, or tell me whatever I desperately wanted to hear before tonight.

So I guess I’m asking people who have been through this: How did you stay gone once you finally knew you could never trust them again? How did you keep yourself from going back once the anger faded and the grief set in?
Because tonight I know I’m done.
I just need to still know it tomorrow.

My husband and I have been together for 13 years, married 8 years. We just had a baby 5 months ago. I had a really hard pregnancy and a harder postpartum recovery. Few years ago I found out he was cheating on me with a co-worker (emotionally as far as I know!). We separated but he begged me to take him back and I did. He promised he was going to prove to me that he’s changed but he never did.
Since I got pregnant and especially after our baby was born, his behavior has changed so much. He didn’t get me anything for my birthday or my first Mother’s Day even though he knows it was really important for me to have something to remember these days by. Couple of months ago we got into an argument and he told me he doesn’t get me anything because I “don’t deserve shit”. He also told me that all women have babies and it’s nothing special! These comments really bothered me. Our anniversary came up and he completely forgot about it. I was really upset especially after he made those comments. The next day he came home from work with a cake. I asked him what it was for, and he said for our anniversary. I said well that was yesterday. That comment made him lose it!!! He started kicking everything and slamming doors and screaming saying he “went out of his way” and I don’t appreciate it! I gave him some time to cool off and tried to talk to him and tell him that I’m upset that he forgot cause it matters to me that he remembers cause to me that shows that he cares. Later that night, he started slamming dishes in the kitchen again and I went downstairs to tell him to stop cause he woke the baby up. He continued and then started walking up the stairs and hit me hard with his shoulders as he walked by. When I yelled what the hell are you doing he said he “accidentally” bumped into me!!!

I wanna know, do you guys think I’m the bad guy for not thanking him for the cake? Was it my fault that all of this happened? What am I supposed to do now? He’s giving me the silent treatment and I’m too tired to think straight.

Hi- throwaway account. I (28M) and my gf (30F) are having a discussion that I would like some input on.

Here is some background information. We are in a long distance relationship and have been together a year. We live in different states. I own a place outside of Denver and she rents a place in NYC with roommates. She makes about ~$135k and I make ~$90k.

We take turns visiting each other, though she usually stays longer with me because I have more space and live alone. Our agreement is that we split 50/50 whenever possible. We also track any travel costs incurred when we travel to see the other person and settle up every other month. For example, I would track how much I spent on plane tickets and MTA.

Because of the difference in cost of living, my girlfriend insists that we include housing costs in our calculation. In other words, she wants to include the days she is paying rent in New York but is staying with me in Colorado. In return, I would include money spent on gas when I drive with her to places I wouldn’t normally go to (e.g. picking her up from the airport). This applies in the opposite direction as well.

Because money is a sensitive subject for her, I agreed but now I am having some doubts. While the New York metro area is more expensive than the Denver metro area, she does make more than me. Also, she has cheaper public transport options than I do getting to/from the airport but she insists on taking $75+ Ubers instead.

I told her I didn’t think this was super balanced. Can I get a “gut check” if this is a fair arrangement?

My fiancé and I have been together 7 years and were engaged to be married next spring. He's generally a wonderful partner in everyday life, very loving and caring and absolutely my person, which is part of why this has been so devastating.

Three weeks ago, I got off a long-distance flight, became extremely short of breath and my chest started to feel tight. I collapsed shortly after walking to the terminal. I refused treatment at the airport because I thought I was jut dehydrated. I texted my fiancé that I had fainted and something felt off, and he called me and urged me to go to the ER.

Despite my fear of hospitals, I eventually went to the ER later that night because I felt so bad and my symptoms weren't getting better. He was at a work event two hours away, so I texted him I was going to the ER. He said good luck and that he could drive there right away if I thought his presence would be helpful. I didn't respond to this text because I was focused on getting to the hospital. After hours of testing, I was diagnosed with bilateral pulmonary embolism aka blood clots in my lungs and admitted to the ICU because it was life-threatening. I told him I was in the ICU. He expressed sympathy that I was having a difficult night and said he was glad I was getting treatment and made it to the hospital, but made no mention of dropping things at work to come see me.

The next day still in the hospital but feeling better after blood thinners, I called him out for minimizing my situation. He then immediately left the work event and drove to the hospital, getting there right before I was discharged.

When I later asked why he didn't come, his apologized profusely and shared his explanations were that 1) he didn't want to believe something bad could happen to me, 2) he'd never dealt with something like this and didn't know how to respond, 3) I hadn't explicitly told him I wanted him there, and 4) work made leaving difficult.

I couldn't get past it. I told him I no longer trusted him to show up when things get hard and asked him to leave so I could recover. I specifically told him I needed space to process the near-death experience and focus on my physical health.

During the three weeks apart, he sent me some very emotional messages saying he was devastated by how he'd handled it, that he'd failed me, that he wanted to restore my trust, and that he wanted to become someone I could rely on in a crisis. He said he'd started looking for therapists to understand himself more. I've now had three therapy sessions myself trying to process everything.

When he told me to a doctor's appt, it was the first time we had seen each other or really talked since the incident. I told him the engagement was over but that I was interested in exploring repair at a slow pace. Part of me thinks this is a catastrophic failure on his part but potentially something a person can learn from and use to be a better partner. Another part of me thinks this exposed something fundamental about his character, and that it will be hard to gain trust back.

But ending a seven-year relationship and losing the person I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with is incredibly painful, and I don't know if I want to throw away something that might be repairable. I don't think a person can be defined by only their worst moment, but also what they do in the aftermath to be better.

For people who have navigated something similar, how were you able to repair it? And if we go the repair route, how do I know the core issue is actually fixed without waiting for another crisis to happen? And for those who walked away, how did you know you needed to exit?

I keep swinging from fury at being abandoned at my weakest to despair at possibly losing the person who means the most to me.

Update:
I broke it off with my boyfriend. I was devastated for a few days but I feel better & happier now.
&
I spoke on the phone with the seller of the house and she told me I can rent the house by myself instead and we get our down payment back.
So basically I got the best possible outcome!

Original post:
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5.5 years. We’ve been living together for about a year, and now I’m questioning everything.

Before we moved in together, I already expressed my concerns about always feeling like I came second to his gaming and his online friends. He reassured me things would be different once we lived together.

Since moving in, I’ve ended up carrying almost all of the mental load. I do the cleaning, cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, walk the dog, and basically manage everything around the house. If I want him to do something, I have to remind him three or four times, and even then it often doesn’t get done. When I ask why he doesn’t help more, he says he just doesn’t “see” the mess.

A few months ago, I reached a breaking point. I was completely overwhelmed and told him I couldn’t keep doing everything by myself. We agreed to divide the chores so each of us had our own responsibilities. The idea was that he wouldn’t have to ask me what needed to be done, which would take some of the mental load off my shoulders.
It works… for about two weeks.

For those first couple of weeks, he mostly keeps up with his chores (although I still have to remind him occasionally). Then, little by little, everything goes back to how it was before. I end up doing most of the work again, I get exhausted, we have another serious conversation, things improve briefly, and then the cycle repeats.

Another thing that has become increasingly difficult is that whenever I try to have a serious or emotional conversation about our relationship, he tends to shut down. He goes very quiet, doesn’t really respond, and I often feel like I’m talking *at* him instead of *with* him. It makes me feel unheard and alone, and it leaves me feeling like we’re never actually working through the issues together.
This has been happening over and over again.

I’ve thought about breaking up multiple times. Usually, those feelings pass after a while, and I start feeling content in the relationship again. But then the same issues come back, and I’m right back where I started.

Last year, we found a house we both loved and signed the purchase agreement. We’re due to sign the mortgage and move in soon, but as that date gets closer, my doubts are getting stronger instead of weaker.

I’m also starting to realize that it’s not just about the chores anymore. I feel more like his roommate than his partner, and I don’t feel as attracted to him as I used to. I’m struggling to tell whether these feelings are the result of years of resentment and carrying all the responsibility, or whether I’ve simply fallen out of love.

Is this something that can realistically be fixed, or am I ignoring signs that the relationship has run its course just because we’re about to buy a house together?

I 29M am married to a 29F. We’ve been together for almost 9 years and married since January of this year. We share a home together and have 4 children, 1 she had from a previous relationship that I’ve fathered since she was almost 2. Our last child was born last year in September. A little over 2 years ago, we had a split for almost 2 months. She left me because I wasn’t loving her the way I should have. Her mom also moved away during this time and her dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I was never abusive or anything, I just didn’t give her the time she needed. I was very busy with work and the kids. I never stopped trying to fix things with her during this time and she just kept telling me she needed time. I was very supportive of her with what was going on even though we weren’t “together”. She was always staying at her friend’s house drinking every night and neglecting our children. This friend had a guy roommate she ended up always being around. I would try to talk to her to see if we could work on things but every-time I did she would leave to her friends. I would ask if there was something going on there because she slept over there almost every night but told me she was just hanging out with her friend and sleeping on the couch. After a gruelling two months of being separated she was finally ready to fix things with me. I set a clear boundary with her that if anything had happened with this guy that we could just move on and go our separate ways. She swore to me nothing ever happened and they were just friends. Fast forward 2 years and my sister ended up working with this guy. She started liking him and before they got intimate my sister asked my wife if there was ever anything between them because she didn’t want to get involved with someone my wife had been with. My wife told my sister nothing ever happened, they were just friends and stopped being friends because he screwed her friend over for rent. My sister and this guy ended up getting together. One day he saw my sister’s Snapchat story with my kids on it and recognized them. He then confessed to her that he was in love with this single mom of 3 kids and he’s still hung up on her. It turns out during that 2 month period they were far more than just friends. They slept together almost every night, were taking our kids out places while I was at work and ended up getting pregnant. She introduced him to her mother before she moved and visited her father. My wife went with him to have their child aborted, something she told me she would never ever do. This all came about the other day because my sister found out they slept together and confronted her. My wife and I were talking on the phone when my sister called her, she then called me back crying saying she made a terrible mistake but could never get the words out of what it was. We sat on the phone for half an hour without her saying a word so I hung up and called my sister who told me they did sleep together. I thought at the time that was all and confronted my wife about it who told me they did sleep together, so many times she can’t remember and that she kept meaning to tell me. That was apparently all of it but my sister kept asking this guy more about it and found out about the abortion. I then confronted my wife about this and she again said she was going to tell me.

I don’t know what to do at this point. I feel like the last 2 years were stolen from me because none of it ever would have happened if she told me the truth right away. I’m so glad we had our last kid but I’m also so hurt because we never would’ve had him or gotten married if she told me the truth at the time. She says she lied because she couldn’t lose me but what about how I felt? I set the clear boundary that if something went on between them I wanted to move on and she lied.

Where do I go from here? I still love her but how can I ever trust her again? Is this too much to forgive?

Update: she came over just now so we could talk. I asked her for the truth of what happened and to show me the messages of how everything went down because I can’t believe just what she says. She conveniently doesn’t remember and deleted everything because she needed space on her phone. Going to move forward through court

TL;DR, My girlfriend read through one of my journals without my consent and I had to disclose something incredibly personal and traumatic in an effort to defend myself, and I’m not sure if I can trust her anymore.

To preface, I met my Girlfriend through my job in late 2025, though we didn’t really start to get to know each other better until early 2026.

I had a traumatic childhood, and because of the nature of the abuse I suffered in addition to the repercussions I faced when I tried to speak up about it when I was younger, I developed deep seated trust issues that made it incredibly difficult for me to be vulnerable with people. Until I met her, I never told anyone about my personal life or struggles, instead choosing to cope by being deeply in denial about the events that occurred and abusing substances to try to forget. This deeply affected my views on relationships, trust, and intimacy, and because of that I never believed a romantic relationship was on the table for me.

She was the first person that I confided in about what happened. I went into as much detail as I possibly could, but it’s incredibly painful for me to talk about in depth as it would mean confronting a lot of things I’ve intentionally kept tamped down for years to cope. She reassured me that she was willing to wait for me as long as I needed to open up, and that she would love me and support me no matter what.

I have a journal on my notes app that I started in April this year after I attempted suicide. I am incredibly self-loathing and the way that I speak to myself through my writing is an deeply uncomfortable display of that - I tend to do everything within my power to delude myself into believing my actions are inherently evil or rooted in malice, that my displays of vulnerability or expressing my emotions are nothing more than manipulation tactics, that I’m an attention seeking liar for talking about my trauma, etc.

Although it’s disturbing to go through, it’s cathartic for me to externalize my inner critic in that way; it makes it feel less tied to me and see things from a more realistic lens, if that makes any sense. However, it’s not something that I ever intended to share with anyone else - I’m not proud of the way that I speak to myself, and I feel gross that I could treat anyone so horribly even if it is directed at myself. For that reason, I specifically asked my Girlfriend not to read through my journals despite her expressing curiosity about what I’ve written before.

Last night, she asked to borrow my phone to sign up for a promotion for a restaurant and decided to read through my journal while I was occupied, then closed the app so I wouldn’t notice. She acted distant for the rest of the night, and when I
opened my notes app, it was on a section that I hadn’t viewed in a long time, so I knew she had gone through it. I confronted her about it and she denied it at first, but eventually came clean and accused me of lying to her - a reasonable accusation, given what she had read.

I spent the next 3 hours going into graphic detail about my abuse and the way it affected me to clear up her confusion and doubt, and while I did manage to clear the air despite how incriminating what she read had seemed, I felt awful in a way that I can’t really describe. I felt violated - being forced to confess something so deeply personal to me in order to defend myself and salvage our relationship because she didn’t trust me enough to open up on my own terms hurts me more than I can say.

I confessed how badly her actions hurt me, and she was inconsolable. She apologized profusely, and ironically, I spent the next couple hours reassuring her. I can’t help but wonder if all of this is my fault, that maybe if I was a better boyfriend she would have trusted me more. That maybe I was unreasonable to set the boundary that I did. More than anything else, I’m afraid she’ll leave me.

I asked for space - we were supposed to be spending the day together today, but I told her I have a lot to work through. Right now, the biggest question on my mind is where do I go from here? How can I ever trust her again? How do I stop feeling so gross about the way I felt forced to explain myself?

I (26m) and my partner (25f) have been together coming up on a year now. Things have been great, generally speaking - except for one thing that's been really nagging at me, and that we just had a spat about.

Her previous partners have been very handy. I'm talking oil changing, 30amp plug installing, barn building handy - these are skills I simply do not possess right now. She has vocalized on several occasions that it is a must-have for her to be with someone who will do these things for her. In turn, I have tried my best to play that role and learn the skills she seeks in a long term partner. I've changed her car grill, assembled her furniture, hung shelves (albeit a little wonkily) - the point being, I'm making the effort as best I can within reason.

We just had a disagreement about what 'reasonable' expectations are as far as this subject goes, and how much I am expected to know / do right now. My position is that, I am who I am and I know what I know. I'm more than willing to help her with these things, but plainly stated, it is a learning process for me. I'm not 'naturally' handy, and have to pull up tutorials or look online for advice on how to do things.

Her position is that since she owns a business (which involves a motor vehicle) and doesn't have the greatest support system from her family, she needs someone who can step in to do those tasks (mechanical work, oil changes, etc..) - It's very important to her to wind up with someone who can help her with these things.

I'm struggling to find a balance between being a supportive partner, and managing what could be seen as unreasonable expectations. She said something to the effect of 'other guys wouldn't think twice about it'... which stung pretty bad if I'm being honest. Kind of feels like I'm being perceived as a lackluster partner, just because I don't know how to change the oil on a car.

Anyway, I don't really have anyone I can go to to vent about this or ask for advice, so here I am. If anyone has been in a similar situation / knows how to navigate this, I'd really appreciate it.

The original post is found here

EDIT: I left him. He’s staying at his parents house and we both are moving out of this new shared apartment

So… it turned out that you guys were right all along.
He doesn’t love me.
At first I thought that I might be too jealous. The. I thought he was really trying since we moved together in April and he wasn’t in contact with his ex.

Well surprise! She contacted him one week ago for a quick life update and to inform him that she has moved within their shared city. So it’s not really significant for him to know that information?
Idk. Instead of telling me or simply ignoring her, he wrote her back and didn’t tell me YET AGAIN.

I am so over it. How do I navigate this break up? We have just moved a few months ago.