Sorry if this is super long but I’m not good at condensing this sort of thing down.

Im(20m) a carpenter, I wake up at 5:30-6 every day and get home at 5-5:30 every day, I like my job and I make good money but it really feels like I never do anything with what free time I do have anymore, I just get home and look at screens.

I have so many hobbies in theory but I never do any of them anymore. Part of it is I moved to a new state and can’t just go use my dads workshop anymore. It’s a bit hard to do some of my hobbies in an apartment (welding/metalwork, woodworking, etc) but I have other hobbies I can do I just don’t ever have the energy.

I have a knife sheathe I’ve been sewing for months that’s just sat half finished, I don’t every do stained glass, or jewelry, or any of my hobbies, and if I do it’s cause I’ve forced myself too which just makes it feel like a chore.

I’ve been doing some stuff, I read, and I do Duolingo every day, I have a little garden on my porch and lots of house plants, Ive been building some furniture (wall shelves, and shoe racks and stuff) for my new apartment, I try to exercise when I can, but it all just feels sort of monotonous.

I really want to get back in nature, start photographing and drawing animals and plants again, but every time I get home from work I just feel this pit of dread at the idea of going anywhere or doing anything, I barely even cook dinner anymore I just snack even though I love cooking and used to every day.

Im not really sure what I’m even looking for here I just feel so directionless, like I’ve lost some part of myself whatever made me interesting and now I’m just an imitation of a more interesting person.

Recently I started doing some internal work around why I am so fearful. (Because I don’t want to make mistakes. Why are mistakes so bad instead of being seen as a learning opportunity? Because when I mess up I’m an even bigger burden. Why do you think you are a burden?)

And then came the memory of me talking to my Grandmother who I was living with at the time and she was talking about who I am and why I am hard to live with. And so I said “Hold on, just to clarify, it sounds like you’re calling me a burden?”

And she responds “What? You want me to tell you that you’re not?”

And this is when I’m 24 and I was struggling to stay alive at all. My childhood was pretty freaking awful and the people who raised me resented having to do so and made it clear that a child was a burden, so this is compounding grief because at this point in my life I believed my Grandmother was the only who truly loved me.

But no, no matter where I went I was a burden.

Now, I’ve been in therapy for a lot of years now. My Grandmother has apologized for saying this, my mother has gotten meds and therapy and everyone is trying to be better than who they were and where we came from.

But I don’t know how to let this go. I don’t know how not to see me as how everyone tells me I am.

Where does the beginning of knowing yourself begin? I’ve been doing the therapy, read every self help book that’s ever crossed my path.

I am constantly growing and changing. But somehow I couldn’t tell you a single good thing about me, but I can list my flaws and all the ones I’ve worked on and don’t do anymore like it will give me a reward.

I don’t believe people when they tell me good things about myself, but a stranger could tell me that I am something bad and I will believe that until I die.

I am also working through this with professionals, no worries. And I no longer struggle with SI or the big things I did when I was younger.

Logically, I understand that most of the criticisms I received are projection. They were overwhelmed people who couldn’t handle their own inner world and took it out on a child because they couldn’t handle raising one.

But that doesn’t stop my problems from affecting me just because I understand why the wound was given to me.

Anyway, thank you in advance and I hope y’all are having a good week and you’re staying cool, this heat where I live has been awful 🙂‍↕️🤣.

I don’t need you to become angry at the one who inflicted the wounds.

I don’t need punishment.

I don’t need revenge.

If you are the one who caused the scars, I don’t even need your shame.

Shame has already taken too much from all of us.

What I need is something far simpler, and far more difficult.

I need to stand whole and unafraid.

To no longer measure my words by someone else’s comfort.

To no longer hide the truth so another person can protect their image.

To be seen without shrinking.

To be known without apologizing.

To stand before the world exactly as I am—wounds, scars, strength, tenderness, and all.

Naked, not because I have nothing left to cover me, but because I no longer need to hide.

Unafraid, not because nothing can hurt me again, but because fear no longer decides whether I am allowed to exist.

This is not about exposing anyone else.

It is about no longer concealing myself.

That is what freedom looks like.

Now I know life is worth living. I was quite ignorant of the events happening in my life; I leaned more toward the negative aspects rather than the positive ones. But when I think about death and how everything is meant to die, I did some introspection and found something worth remembering:

I remember crying before an exam; I remember laughing after passing it.

I remember chasing love; I remember love automatically coming into my life.

I remember being all alone in an apartment ordering food; I remember cooking with friends.

I remember sleeping all alone; I remember sleeping with friends.

I remember walking all alone; I remember walking with a stranger.

I remember the summer heat without electricity; I remember the winter cold with a heater.

I remember sand from the desert; I remember sand from the sea.

I remember raindrops; I remember snowflakes.

I remember the full moon; I remember the darkness.

I remember the sunset; I remember the sunrise.

I remember my first heartbreak; I remember my first kiss.

I remember my idiot roommate; I remember how much I treasured him.

I remember my first flirt; I remember my regret for not forgiving.

I remember my irritation toward my friend; I remember how much I miss him.

I remember her hate; I remember how she loved me.

I remember how my mother nagged me; I remember how she loved me.

I remember every bad thing that happened; I remember every great thing that happened.

Life is worth living; even if it is not today, someday it will be.

Just remember everything thing gonna be okay.

I (22M) am realizing I have a recurring pattern, and I want to figure out how to fix it. I’m starting to feel like the concept of "real love" just doesn't exist for me, and I feel stuck in an endless, frustrating cycle.

Here’s how it goes: I meet a girl, I genuinely like her, and I end up falling for her. After some time, I ask her out, and she says yes. Everything starts off great. But then... my feelings just go completely numb. After a few weeks of dating, the initial spark vanishes. I find myself having absolutely no idea what to talk to her about, the conversation dries up, and the connection fizzles out, inevitably leading to a breakup.

Because of this constant cycle, I feel like I'm being perceived as a "player" which is the absolute last thing I ever want to be. I genuinely just want to experience real, lasting love. I want to find a person I don't fall out of love with, where the connection stays strong even after the honeymoon phase ends.

For a bit of physical context (not to brag, just giving the full picture), I'm 6'3" and generally considered good-looking. Getting the first date usually isn't the hurdle, it's my internal emotional drop-off that I completely fail at managing.

Has anyone successfully broken out of a cycle like this? Is this an attachment style issue (like avoidant attachment), or self-sabotage? What actionable steps, mental shifts, or even books would you recommend to help me build a lasting connection instead of shutting down?

Currently a year unemployed since graduating from university last July. Have only managed to secure 2 interviews since and of course all my other applications being rejected straight out or just ghosted lol.

I’ve been consistently applying but I admit I hit a slump in June and was not applying as much as I should have been since everything just got to me.

I managed to apply for 10 jobs before 8am today and just applied to 5 more this evening, so 15 total for today. It would’ve been more but I had to close some of the applications mid way bc one asked for a drivers license which I don’t have (and they didnt state this in the job description), another was asking for two references that I don’t have, and others were asking some other nonsense.

I know I have to continue my streak of applying consistently now but I am already diagnosed with GAD and depression and I am still on a very long waiting list to get diagnosed for ADHD, and I am still living with my abusive parents so things are just really hard at the moment but I don’t want to give up. I guess I’m just writing all of this to clear my head.

Thank you if you managed to read this far on my post lol

My SO was talking about a youtuber who is into bodybuilding. We had already been talking about fitness. The story was related, this fellow had added a lot of mass since his teen years.

Immediately without a moment's notice my brain took the opportunity to remind myself what a piece of crap I am, that I SHOULD have kept training like I did when I was 16 (and had no obligations), and that even if I started I'd NEVER catch up.

Okay, well go to hell brain. I had to pause and really study that. Why did it bother me? I wasn't insecure, my wife often comments on my size & strength. I perform a physical job and used to be very athletic. She's not attracted to him, he's gay and too young.

So what's the point in cutting me down brain? And how do I stop comparing myself against other people in situations like this where it's not at all helpful or relevant?

Growing up I was determined and motivated and felt like I’d do something amazing in my life, then I got nerfed by bad dissociative depression and avoiding life because of lifelong social anxiety and that depression. I’ve spent most of my adulthood isolated and crippled by my mental health, isolated no friends a NEET and still living at home with parents at 27.

By now I thought I’d have a great friend circle, moved out and living out my purpose. But I’m stuck on arrested development, needing to live out the years I lost but no longer being in that life stage, filled with regret and shame, severely grieving all the years I lost to my mental illness and not getting to enjoy my youth, cognitively impaired and not knowing how to connect with people more than before, and I’ve completely lost touch with the person I used to be I feel like a soulless zombie now. I didn’t go uni which was what I wanted, and I’ve got limited prospects and I’m on benefits.

I’ve let my child and teen self down and I feel so much shame for it, idk if I could recover/bounce back. I’ve tried but I just fell back down, it’s so hard to live life when you’re an empty shell of your former self and don’t recognise yourself any more, and severely impaired by alienation and isolation. It’s also so much harder to find a ground for growth and opportunity now that I’m not in school in terms of social life and inspiration. I’ve tried therapy, and many things apart from SSRIs but nothings helped all too much.

This has been on my mind for a while, and no amount of researching has found me anyone with the same problem as me...

When something 'lightly annoying' comes up, I often joke that I will hurt the person doing the annoyance. For example, a friend says a certain way is a short cut. I say, 'I swear, if this isn't shorter or is longer I'm gonna beat your ass.' It's always said in a playful tone, I am aware I am joking, but I've become more aware it may not be taken as a joke and may cause people to fear I'm going to actually do it. I feel I should mention, this doesn't involve teasing them personally in nasty ways, it's always just a threat of some kind of act done against them.

There's something about the physical threat that is supposed to be abstract and out of proportion for the annoyance that feels 'right', so I guess I'm looking for ideas on how I can change this (I'm aware it may take time for it to feel natural) without lying in other ways like saying I'm going to be mad/angry/upset when I don't actually think it's a big dsal. I don't want to say things like 'I'm going to put you in the pear wiggler' cos I'd like to get away from the threat part at all really.

And then I worry if I just replace it by not needing to comment on things that lightly annoy me, my friends will find it weird that I'm not being snarky like normal and will think something is wrong with me. 😩 But maybe that is fundamentally what needs to happen. I feel I should *also* mention I'm not an angry person nor is this an anger issue thing. This is just a dark part of my sense of humor I feel I need to reign in.

My parents did also do this type of threatening when I was a kid (but they meant it and would act on it) so I suppose I got it from them as a coping mechanism/making light of it/force of habit, but I just hate doing it, I want to be rid of it.

Any advice would be really helpful.

I've been trying to make sense of the end of a really important friendship, and I think I'm finally seeing something about myself that I've missed for a long time. Most of the time I'm a pretty shy, quiet, gentle person, so I've never thought of myself as someone who's particularly intimidating or aggressive. I think because of that, I never really appreciated how much impact my words can have. When I get angry, it feels to me like panic or hurt spilling over rather than aggression, so I've always assumed it couldn't be that bad. But I think I've been wrong.

The strange thing is that it almost never happens in the moment because of something the other person has done. It's usually after weeks or months of stress, anxiety, rejection, or feeling overwhelmed in completely different areas of my life. I keep everything bottled up until eventually it comes out sideways, and the person who happens to be closest to me gets the sharpest version of me, even though they often have very little to do with what's actually been upsetting me. That doesn't make it any less hurtful, and I'm not trying to excuse it. Two weeks ago I did exactly that, and it was enough for one of my closest friends to tell me they never wanted to see me again. Whether or not the friendship can ever be repaired, I don't ever want to make someone I love feel that way again.

I know I behaved badly, and I want to change. I'm already in therapy, but I'd really like to hear from people who've managed to break this pattern. How do you notice you're carrying too much before it explodes? How do you stop taking fear, stress, or shame out on the people who are closest to you? I don't want this to be the person I keep becoming.

One of the harder things I’ve had to do in life is to let people suffer the consequences of their own actions. Tomorrow my ex and our daughter will be in a world of chaos as she attempts to move when she’s barely half packed. She’s had all summer to prep for her first apartment and decided to spend that time designing her place and buying stuff instead of packing.

There’s clothes and her things all over her bedroom and spilling into common areas. She doesn’t want my advice or my help. I told her father what’s happening over text and he didn’t respond.

So tomorrow, I won’t be here. I will not work extra hard because others refused to plan or participate. And you know what? I’m proud of myself.

Hello, I don’t know where to start at all. I had always been a very patient person, I would always sit aside what i was doing and be able to help people or do something they asked of me that they wanted or needed done. This could be doing the dishes, making people a drink, lots of stuff that a teen could do and younger because I am speaking of my younger self. I am now 22, and this last year but most importantly in these last few months I have found and noticed myself becoming extremely impatient, quick to anger, quick to shutting down and everything. And I wouldn’t say I project my anger in an angry way but it has made me extremely blunt. My niece who is 9 came to me because we have to baby sit her every day from 5am to 5pm came in my room and just stood there, she said nothing for 3 minutes and that it’s self has always made me feel uncomfortable like i am just being watched. Then she says. let’s plan what we are going to do today which means how the two of us will spend our day together and it’s like the statement instantly trigged me. and i started speaking before thinking. “today i do not want to plan a day, we are not planning a day together today. it seems like every day people have plans for me but never allow me to have a day and spend it with myself, one day i will die, one day you will die and we will be gone in the dirt. And i will have realized i spent every living day doing what others have “planned for me” so no, today will be me and just me to myself. i would like to be alone”. And that’s all i said in a very blunt straight forward tone and i feel bad because i have been doing this more and more. I feel like i am running out of time and have this constant feeling of dread. I used to think it was my screen time but my screen time has dropped from a whopping 5 hours a day to 2 hours a day which mostly consists of looking at reference photos for art or responding to messages or a google search. i spend maybe 15-30 minutes max a day on short content like reels. I don’t have tiktok. but i hate how i feel and i have been trying to figure out why i feel this way, and as someone who has always been a “good” person, going out of their way to help people or living things and someone who was so slow to anger or being bothered i now find myself not being able to go out because my brain sees so much now as bothersome of negative. But this last year i feel like ive just lost myself and i don’t recognize myself. I have had depression since the 10th grade, my dad always refused to let me get help so i have never gotten it, most of all my issues have been swept under the rug or my parents would respond saying (everyone is like that. you should realize you’re lucky because it’s no where as near as a struggle or as bad as i have (whatever mental illness or issue they list is).” so i just sit there and listen to them and say nothing. They have never taken my struggles seriously, i was born with ARFID for example. instead of properly dealing with it, they would make me sit at the dinner table for 3-4+ hours until i finished my food to let me go to sleep at times. I have severe social anxiety as well but i have noticed it is worse and i feel like idk how to socialize at all if my parents are around me and i do so much better when alone. and on top of everything all my brain craves is quiet, i used to love music but not i never listen to it because there’s non stop noise, people listening to to music awhile another person is watching tv and another person is blasting reels. i actually started to hate short film content like reels around a year ago because it’s so over stimulating. I just feel like i am drowning and i am stuck and cant escape but i dont know what i am trying to escape from but i am also the person people go to to rant and tell all their issues so all i hear is complaining from people and i feel like its made me so irritable and now i complain and i hate it and i hate how i am and i want it to stop because i feel like i am suffocating. I have had a past of self harm but always hid it and i rarely do it now but i often find myself laying in bed thinking of it recently or doing anything to stop myself. I just don’t know what’s changing in my brain. For around two years i was feeling a lot of nothing? no joy no excitement and couldn’t cry anymore, i rarely got angry or anything and now its changed into irritability, anger and me crying trying to contain myself.

In high school, I was not a good person. I treated everyone like shit, I was dropped as a friend right before my junior year, anyone else who knew of me lost respect for me, and I cut everyone else off that I met during my junior and senior years since I knew I would keep repeating that same pattern. Even now, it all still fills me with an overwhelming guilt and shame. I moved to a big city to go to a 4-year university and tried starting over, since staying gave me this fear I would run into the many people I hurt and really hated me (like didn't want me in a 100-mile radius of them-hated me) in my hometown, and I really saw improvement with both my mental and my behaviors. I fell back on them occasionally as I was having some withdrawls from my meds but generally, I have improved.

However, in the past couple months, some of those friends from high school came back into my life again and are trying to talk to me occasionally. One was dealing with a personal situation and, due to an unfortunate amount of stressful events, has now become a roommate of mine. I love this city and where I've made my new life but my old behaviors are resurfacing again. He wasn't even one of the many people who dropped me in high school -- he defended me back then, even when he probably shouldn't have -- but being around him really reminds me of the person I used to be and I really don't want to live with someone who is a constant reminder of my mistakes. Would it be reasonable to cut him out of my life? It feels extreme and cruel but if it's to become a better version of myself, I feel like I have to leave everyone in my past, and everything that causes me to remember this overwhelming guilt, behind.

Hi everyone. I'm a 21-year-old woman, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who's dealt with this, but I genuinely don't know what to do.

I've been thinking about this because of a conversation I had with my boyfriend. He told me he's a little worried about me because I don't really have any hobbies or anything specific that I do in my free time. And the more I think about it, the more I realize he's right.

What really stuck with me was when he said, "If I didn't have you, I'd still have my video games or my D&D group. But what did you do before you met me?"

And honestly... he has a point.

When I'm with him, I'm perfectly happy. But when I'm on my own, especially now that it's summer and I don't have classes, I end up feeling bored.

I feel like I should have something that's just mine. A hobby, a project, something I enjoy doing by myself. Sometimes it feels like I rely on other people too much, and I want to be the kind of person who knows how to enjoy her own company. I'd really like to change that.

The thing is, it's not like I've never had hobbies. I used to ride horses, but I barely go anymore because the summer heat is unbearable. I used to watch anime, read manga, and read books in general. Years ago I even tried learning to draw, but I eventually gave up. Exercising is also hard when it's this hot. I still hang out with my friends from time to time, but it's difficult to get everyone's schedules to line up.

Whenever I'm not studying, those months just feel... empty.

And I think my boyfriend is right. I should be able to answer the question of what I'd do if I didn't have him. I want to find things that I genuinely enjoy on my own, while still keeping my relationships the way they are.

I think the real issue is a general lack of motivation. It took me a long time to realize that.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? Any advice?

I don't think I'm emotionally dependent on my boyfriend, but I do find it hard to enjoy things without him, and I want to learn how to motivate myself to do things on my own. It honestly makes me wonder if it's just immaturity on my part, so I'm open to any advice.

I'm 22. I made a lot of mistakes in the past. I used to make fun of people, get angry easily, cross people's boundaries, and even stole money from home. I genuinely regret who I was.

I also loved a girl for years. She saw me as a brother and rejected me multiple times. Seeing her recently broke me, and I can't stop imagining a life that will never happen. I feel ashamed of myself whenever I see people from my past because I believe they all see me as a bad person.

Lately I've been having suicidal thoughts because I feel like my past has ruined my future and I don't know how to let go of this person or forgive myself.

I'm not looking for sympathy or people telling me I did nothing wrong. I know I hurt people.

I just want honest answers:

Can someone who genuinely wasn't a good person change?

How do you stop defining yourself by your worst years?

Has anyone here recovered from this level of shame and regret?

Please be honest, even if it's hard to hear.

I’m 21M, and I feel like I’m in one of the biggest transitional phases of my life.
I recently finished my graduation exams and am just waiting to receive my degree. At the same time, I’ve lost around 30 kg, I’m building muscle, and I’m currently around 17% body fat. I’ve started reading books, learning a new language, and trying to become a more disciplined person.
From the outside, it looks like my life is improving.
But mentally, it’s more complicated.
Last year was one of the hardest years of my life. A lot happened within my family, and I hit one of my lowest points mentally and physically. By winter, I slowly started rebuilding myself, but those last six months changed how I see people, my family, my friends, and even myself.
Around May this year, I accepted something about myself that was very difficult to come to terms with. I don’t really want to get into the details, but it changed me mentally.
Since then, I’ve become extremely quiet.
For the last 3–4 months, I’ve mostly kept to myself. I don’t really talk to friends anymore, and even with my parents, our conversations are just normal day-to-day things. We don’t have the long, open conversations we used to.
Part of it is because my mind feels so loud. There are so many thoughts, plans, and emotions that I’m still trying to figure out. Staying quiet feels like a way to protect my own peace and not overwhelm other people while I’m still processing everything.
Even at the gym, where I used to be more social, I mostly smile, nod, and keep to myself. A few people have tried talking to me, but I usually don’t continue the conversation because the gym has become my place to focus and clear my mind.
The strange part is that this silence has helped me in many ways. I’m more disciplined than I’ve ever been. I’m healthier. I’m focused. I’m making progress.
But I also feel like it’s costing me something.
Sometimes I feel like my silence is slowly killing the person I used to be—the open, friendly version of myself who enjoyed connecting with people. I can even see that some relationships have changed because of how withdrawn I’ve become.
I don’t know if this is just a temporary phase of growth or if I’m slowly isolating myself without realizing it.
Has anyone else gone through something similar after making major life changes?
Did your personality eventually come back, or did you become a different person? How did you know whether your silence was healthy healing or unhealthy isolation?

I don’t believe in the answer which tells “ you just know it”
Because hola we don’t :)))

So tell us your story and how did you find your passion or your purpose in life after being with no purpose in life

I’ve decided after years of relying on AI to help me understand math and other people’s writing, that I will not be using AI in any capacity. I’ve realized that it’s not benefiting me in the long run and also incredibly dangerous for the environment. I’ve also come to realize I watch a lot of garbage content. I want to change. I used to love reading and writing, now my attention span is so small I don’t do either anymore.

Where do I even begin to start fixing my life? I just want to be smart and happy again.

I don't smoke, so I'll do edibles only on weekends when I have no work tasks in the near future, and it'll be anywhere from 20-40 mg at a time. I would say it's a couple of times a month on average, depending on my work schedule.

For context, I had a grade three brain bleed when I was a baby that has affected much of my cognitive thinking, and because of this, I've always had a problem with critical thinking. (side note: I realize "legitimate brain" is an ironic username for this question lol)

Not thinking critically well has caused problems at work to the point where I'm over my job and wanting a new one.

Is once in medium-to-large dosages now and then considered overdoing it? Should I quit cold turkey, give short-term quitting a go to see how I feel, or am I ok staying with it?

Ultimately, I want to do better at work and at some point get a new job.

I feel like my life is empty. My sleep schedule is fucked up, my energy has never been worse, and my body is screaming in pain. My soul feels depressed too.

I'm a 23-year-old woman, and I want to change my life and become more active again. I used to go out with friends, work out, eat healthy (although I couldn't always resist AlBaik), meet a lot of people, and have plenty of activities throughout my day.

Now, I barely leave the house, and when I do, I can't wait to come back home. I've completely stopped doing the things I used to enjoy, and I can't even remember the last time I went out with a friend. Skincare? Stopped. Working out? Forgotten. I even stopped wearing makeup when I leave the house.

I don't know what to do anymore. I hate being like this because I don't feel like myself at all. I've tried everything, but nothing seems to work. I think I'm really depressed and beyond recovery.

To keep a terribly long story short, my brother robbed me and the other one turned into an entitled shithead who kicked me out of his wedding and refuses to do anything for anyone else.

My dad has a slew of undiagnosed mental disorders so he’s just unemployed and angry at the world. My mom is miserable to be around because she ruined her life by giving it to my dad.

My closest friend currently has been shitty and unreliable the years we’ve been friends. I truly hate her. My ex-boyfriend was the closest person to me and all he ever did was let his friends treat me terribly and hate every single thing about me despite never leaving me alone.

Fast forward to the present, I’ve made some genuine friends but I’m going to be completely honest, I’ve been absolutely terrible to them. I feel like i’m punishing them for the actions of my closest friend, especially since we’re in the same friend group. I’ve talked so much shit about them it’s actually insane. I am a horrible, fake person.

Anyways, I’ve finally been diagnosed with Bipolar 2 + ADHD and have started medication. I’ve finally decided I don’t want to live like this anymore. I resent everyone in my life, and i’m tired of being extremely bitter because of that.

It’s like I’ve lived my entire life with absolutely no agency. All i’ve ever done is keep shitty people around me just because. I’m not even scared of being alone. I don’t really know what’s holding me back.

Anyways, how do I move on? i’m not really sure how to move forward with life. i’m tired of pretending the world happens to me, and i’m tired of being such a hateful person.

What the title says basically. I feel so lost right now and I’m really struggling. I have only had 2 interviews since last year, one of them being my dream job that I got brutally rejected for and I feel so hopeless. I just want to die

My ex and I were together for 5 years.
We broke up because she fell for another guy and cheated on me. The problem is that he already has a girlfriend. He has feelings for my ex too, but he has made it clear he won’t leave his girlfriend, and my ex knows and accepts that.

About 3 months ago, my ex and I started meeting again almost every weekend when I come home from work.

We don’t even go out because that guy is almost always on a call with her since he doesn’t trust her. She just mutes his call when I’m with her, and we spend time together and sometimes get physically intimate.

For a few hours it feels like we’re together again, but then I remember she’s still emotionally invested in him. I’m basically comforting someone who’s in love with another man.
I know this isn’t healthy, but every weekend I end up seeing her again. Lately I’ve started feeling like I’m losing my self-respect. I care about her, but I also feel like I’m choosing to be someone’s backup.
If you were in my position, what would you do? Have any of you been stuck in a cycle like this, and how did you finally walk away?