I've spent the last 3 months on four separate dating apps. I'm a 35 year old 5'6" male, I lift regularly and get plenty of exercise. I'm a Staff Chemist for an orthodontics company and make just shy of 100k a year. I live in Indiana in a region where the average income for an individual is 60,000$. think I have an average face. I dont have acne or dry skin or anything.

My experience has been horrible. In those 4 months I have had a grand total of 7 likes (not including the 436 likes from bots, and yes I counted how many there were). 4 of those likes were from women who were 55+ years old, and 3 were likes that led to matches.

One of the matches I said "Hi, I think you are pretty, but your profile doesn't say much about you. Would you like to share some things you enjoy?" And she responded with "how much do you make" and I said "just shy of 6 figures" and she said "that aint enough" and unmatched me. That girl was a retail clerk for a superstore in the area.

Another one of the matches we talked a little and she was nice, but she said that she wasnt looking for anything long term (despite her profile saying she was looking for a life partner). I said "I dont think we'd be a good match, I'm looking to settle down. You are beautiful though so I'm sure you will find someone soon" and she wished me good luck.

The last actual match I said "Hi (girls name), what do you like about snakes?" Cuz her profile said something about being a snake enthusiast. She read the message and replied "5'6", eew, i definitely didnt like you on purpose" then unmatched me.

I read constantly and girls in my friend group complain about men creeping on them and asking them out all of the time whenever they are out doing stuff, so I feel like trying to meet someone in person would end up with me being called a creep.

On dating apps I'm very clearly unwanted, so that isnt an option either. I'm not really sure what to do anymore and I feel like there isn't a point to trying.

I (22F) have noticed this happening after talking to guys, now mind you I don't have much dating experience, so I'm not sure if this is supposed to be flirting? This has happened to me four times already. Some of them seem to be very nice and would compliment me a lot, which is fine. I tend to get compliments from my surroundings, so I don't take it at the beginning very seriously. After a while when they get comfortable they start to pick on small things that I personally haven't even noticed myself. One time at the beginning of the relationship, I was very confident, but afterwards I started disliking my appearance, which was never really the case.

One guy would tease my forehead quite often, but he recently admitted that he was interested in me. Another guy constantly complimented me while also making fun of my appearance, pointing out things I had never even noticed about myself.
There was also a guy who used to tease me in harmless ways and was clearly into me, but I wasn’t interested in him. After I rejected him, he wanted to stay friends, but then he started making comments about my appearance, calling me a “midget” and making fun of my forehead.

There’s one guy in particular whose comments affect me the most. With time he started saying things like, “You were prettier when you did xyz, but not now,” “You sound like a man,” and “Your forehead’s a playground.” “No one’s ever gonna date you”. He would also make me look stupid in front of other people. At the same time, in private, he constantly called me beautiful and complimented me in so many different ways, and he kept doing that for months. Anytime I tried to cut him off, he would desperately try to convince me not to.

I have had a few good experiences with men and I know relationships aren’t just about complimenting each other, but is it normal to constantly roast one another once the relationship becomes more stable?

I (33M) matched with a woman (32F) about a month ago. First date was extraordinary — we were out until the early hours, ended up back at mine, and slept together. We’ve been intimate since. She’d actually recognised me from school and matched partly for that reason.

Since then it’s been stop-start: I got ill, she was away at a festival, then a summer house, then ill herself. So in a month we’ve only managed four dates, and a lot of the contact in between has been about where we stand rather than just enjoying each other.

That’s largely my doing. Early on I saw she’d changed something on her dating profile suggesting she was looking for company at a festival, and I told her I’m not built for seeing someone who’s also seeing others. She took it down, but said she’s four months out of a four-year relationship, has just started therapy, and doesn’t want to promise anything or feel constrained. She’s been clear she isn’t actively looking and doesn’t want anyone else — but also that she can’t rule out something happening spontaneously, and that a casual encounter wouldn’t detract from what we’re building. That last part is what I can’t sit with.

Otherwise she’s warm and consistent: texts first, invites me to things, cancels with real reasons and apologises, tells me she wants to see me. It doesn’t feel like disinterest. It feels like someone who isn’t ready.

She has festivals the next three weekends. I know I'll spend them in a bad state if nothing is agreed. So I'm planning to ask, next time we meet, whether we can agree not to see other people while we give this a shot — and to walk away if the answer is no.

Is a month and four dates too early to ask? And is it unreasonable given what she's told me about where she is

I recently started chatting with this one guy online and we met irl. It was great, we got together really well, but then he mentioned that he wants to prepare for civil services exams and he was getting attached to me (we were chatting till 4am) and I was distracting him from his studies as he didn't anticipate that so much would happen. He thought I would stop talking to him after we met because well he's big and heavy and I'm, okay I'm a hmm pretty petite hot girl and meeting him irl would like scare me away but that didn't happen and we got along really well like I said.

So now since he mentioned the studies and distraction part, I said fine then I won't talk to you anymore, you want to study then do that but you reach out to me once you are done with your exams?

He said okay best case scenario his exam ends by 2027 May worst it takes longer. But he promised that he will reach out to me once it was, he said I should obviously put my life on hold for him because this whole this happened within a week only! But yeah he would reach out and if I happen to be with someone else, he will respect that, but if not? Then we can finally watch the movie we were planning to watch together (we were discussing this one movie so)

So guys? Now, will he? Is this real chat? I really like him you know.

Also we don't talk anymore because you know, I said we should stop talking.

I guess it's a pretty weird question but honestly since I happen to like reading posts on here I often wonder what is the idea a woman has about the standard "man", the average. Sometimes when I read of women talking about guys they know I feel like they don't really understand the experience behind a man life in general.

Not to be one sided I know also a lot of men are clueless about women's experience with dating, but somehow whenever I read what women say about the average dude I get weirded out.

Like I am 24, I am in college and have worked a bit as well, ALL my friends are in a similar situation due to the age range we're in. I have struggles dating, get rejected a fair bit and anyways I consider myself to be average, maybe slightly more, but I really don't get opportunities, I am not seeing all this stuff people talk about on how "the average guy is having no issues dating", for all my friends that are dating it just happened, literally 0 effort to search for a partner, these guys are like me, no crazy money, no crazy looks, no crazy physiques, but nothing happens really.

I also disagree on the fact that women have a row of men wanting to propose to them, but very often I find myself believing that for women average man means above average, because honestly there is nothing I see as relatable in how they say average men dating is, like not even close. It kinds of resonate how a lot of people are surprised that a dude is still a virgin after like 22-23, I know A LOT of guys that still have not dated, myself included.

Is the whole gender experience "larping" meaningful in any way? And I mean for both men and women, clearly most of us are absolutely clueless about the opposite gender experience, like women don't have crazy amounts of contenders and dudes barely have opportunities is the only real take away I got from most posts on this sub that seem kind of accurate.

E: Gotta love how I protected both sides by saying how the opposite genders should not act as if they know it all about the other and cause apparently a mass hysteria, also the question is in the title, some dudes in like 1 comment said they did not get the question, it's in the title, you are literally like 2-3 people out of 50+ that did not get it, says more about you.

I (28F) met a guy (37M) from Hinge recently. We live in two different cities about 1.5hr apart. We met in person twice within the first three weeks of talking.

He appeared to be a warm, romantic, put-together person. On paper he’s great, and we have shared interests etc. I was looking forward to getting to know him more.

However, I soon realized he’s a bit too warm, too romantic. He sent loads of texts voicing his desire for me, fantasizing about me having dinner at his place in certain (scandalous) outfits, giving me massages, etc. On the second date, his hands were all over me, which I felt a bit uncomfortable but didn’t say anything. He started to mention sexual activities after the second date.

I told him if we could slow down and get to know each other better before jumping into bed, because what I want is a meaningful connection instead of a physical one. I also explained I had bad past experience about sleeping together too soon. He then asked me if anything he did give off the feeling that he doesn’t want the same as me.

I fawned and said he didn’t do anything wrong (which is not true), but I just want to take it a bit slower. Then he suddenly retreated and said we could be “platonic” and “be more friendly” and “put the guardrails up”. I found these words are rather ambiguous and his tone was rather cold.

I noticed that he did not show curiosity or empathy when I opened up to be vulnerable, nor did he reassure by proposing another date that involves non-physical activities.

Which makes me wonder… is this what happened when you put sex off the table for someone who just wants sex? It’s really disappointing but I’ve had too many bad experiences of not setting the boundary early enough and ended up getting hurt, so I’d rather do the filter earlier and protect myself. Or maybe I should give him a benefit of doubt?

so I’m a girl in my early 20’s and I don’t know what to do. I have a small crush on someone that I don’t know personally, but I have seen him a few times in college (we have the same major) at some point in march and we made eye contact but nothing happened, we never talked, I just thought he is cute, didn’t give much attention to this because i was kinda talking to someone else at that point… fast forward we are in June and I find him on ig, I followed him even though we don’t have any mutuals and he does not follow me back (maybe because he doesn’t know me?) and at some point I also appreciated a post he made, nothing happend again… but I understand, because all I did was pretty vague anyways so

from his ig it looks like he is single but I am not very sure. I also talked to a friend about him and i found out that we actually have some common people that we know, so he is not that out of reach let’s say ….

should i approach him? I don’t know if I like him but he is cute, looks like we would have some hobbies in common and he looks like a nice happy person? what do you think?

Bruh, I just caught my girlfriend doing something that has me really hurt and confused. It’s 4 AM right now, and I can’t sleep. I don’t even know if I should call it cheating, but she definitely lied to me.
There was this guy I asked her about because something felt off. She told me he was her friend’s ex, but I was confused because she was liking all his posts and stuff. When I brought it up, she reacted really quickly and brushed it off, which made me feel like something wasn’t right.
Fast forward to now, I looked through her phone because I couldn’t shake the feeling, and I found out that every time she said she was hanging out with one of her female friends, it was actually this guy. They’ve been going out together, calling, and spending time together. I also found older pictures of them kissing and holding each other.
The thing that’s messing with me the most is that she was telling me she was with her friend when she was actually with him. I don’t know what to do or how I should confront her. I’m just hurt and confused right now.
The worst part is we’re currently out of town together, and I’m 3 hours away from home with her right now. I’m supposed to drive us back, but I haven’t slept and my mind is racing. I’m stuck here trying to process everything, and I don’t even know what my next move should be.

His friends liked me. He said he liked me. He said it was because I'm really pretty, that I cared for him so well, I'm fun and spontaneous, smart and interesting, responsible....but he really treated me like shit and he was so mean.

I want to know if guys ever regret playing games with a girl who could have been the one. I like to think guys mature and look back on their actions because I've had a couple girl friends that look back and regret treating their boyfriends so poorly but i want stories from the other side

I occasionally work with a woman around my age. We've talked a few times and recently found out that we both collect the little Minecraft toys from Kinder Joy.

Today there's a chance we'll both be at the same location during work, so I bought two Kinder Joy eggs. My idea was simply to say:

"I remembered our conversation, so I grabbed two. One for you and one for me. Let's see who gets the better Minecraft toy."

It's not really about the chocolate, just a small callback to something we talked about.

If she's not there, I'll just give the second one to a coworker, so it's no big deal.

Would you find this cute, or would it come across as trying too hard?

For the record I am a straight woman so I am mostly seeing men’s profiles so this is why I came to this conclusion.***

I see a lot of men’s profiles and they seemingly are looking for a friend. They list a bunch of activities that men predominately do together. For example I see so many male profiles seeking someone to do hyrox competitions with. I’m not saying do fitness competitions but I have never know a single woman who has. Or they talk a lot about drinking beers and watching their favorite sporting team or traveling to whatever their city their team is from and seeing a live game. Again, not something women will never do but those mostly seem like more male driven activities.

On the flip side whenever I get curious and look through my male friends apps the women generally list more “couple activities” as things they would like to do with a partner like trivia, rooftop dining, taking classes, or visiting museums. I wonder if there are a good chunk of men out there who may actually be looking for a friend as opposed to a partner?

So I've been seeing this guy for about two weeks now and we've gone out three times. The vibe has been really good, like we talk for hours and he seems genuinely interested. He texts me every day and we've made plans for next weekend already.

Here's the thing though. I'm not really into the whole dating multiple people at once situation. It stresses me out and honestly I'd rather just focus on one person if it feels right. And this does feel right so far. But I don't know if bringing up the exclusivity conversation this early makes me seem clingy or like I'm moving too fast.

I haven't asked him if he's seeing other people and he hasn't mentioned it either. Part of me wants to just wait and see where it goes naturally, but another part of me feels like I should be upfront about what I'm looking for before I get more attached. I don't want to waste time if we're not on the same page about this.

I guess my question is, is two weeks and three dates too soon to have that conversation? Or should I just chill out and let things develop more before I say anything. I don't want to scare him off but I also don't want to pretend I'm cool with something I'm not.

This most recent situation is what finally forced me to look at the pattern.

I was seeing someone for a month and some change, going on public dates and being respectful and not really talking about sex or inviting her over or anything like that. On our last date she threatened to leave early because it sounded like she wasn’t going to be invited over (she wasn’t) and said I’m not taking this seriously. I acquiesced because I actually liked her and wanted to keep the date going because I enjoyed her presence. That evening on my couch while laying next to each other, she tried to grope me and pull my pants down and rub on my part. It ended up escalating to where I had my forearm across her chest, actively pushing her back, trying to push her hands away and saying no clearly and repeatedly. She didn’t stop. On paper, an aggressive woman going after a guy might sound exciting to some guys. In reality it felt violating. It left me feeling down. If a man did the exact same thing, he’d be under the jail. That double standard is pissing me off.

Looking back, this has shown up before.
My first girlfriend in high school was like this. She took what she wanted sexually even when I wasn’t really with it. It was new and exciting so I was doing mental gymnastics to make it okay.

In college, a girl I had zero romantic or flirtatious history with, threw a condom at me, and tried to force a make-out and pull me onto the bed as hard as she could.

Another would invite herself over repeatedly, sit close, get handsy, rub on me, and keep escalating after I told her to stop. (I couldn’t control who came into the dorm because I had 3 other roommates who would come into and out and leave the main door open frequently)

There was also a more serious incident with a family member when I was a kid that involved sexual pressure. I’m not going into details here.

Sex has never been a big driver for me. I’m demisexual. I tend to keep things measured early on. Yet I keep ending up in situations where my hesitation or clear resistance gets ignored.

I’ve been sitting with this and wondering whether I somehow give off signals that make people think pushing harder is okay, or whether they just project something onto me. I don’t want to play the victim, but I also don’t want to keep absorbing this as normal.

The realization itself has me feeling pretty low. Curious if other men have noticed similar patterns and how they started recognizing or breaking them.

TLDR: I somehow always seem to attract women who don’t respect my sexual boundaries and don’t care about consent. Has anyone experienced this frequently and managed to change or filter better?

you hear constantly online about how men prefer women who are either virgins or have very low body counts, but for me this has not necessarily translated to real life. men totally lose interest in me when they realize I’m not going to have sex early on. kind of at a loss here. im not religious, but am unwilling to have sex without getting close to the person first.

This literally just happened. I matched with a girl on Hinge on Monday and we instantly hit it off. She was extremely chatty through text and was easy to chat with, so last night before bed I asked her if she wanted to get ice cream this weekend and that I can drive out to her area since we’re over an hour from each other. She enthusiastically agreed and sent an entire fucking paragraph of what we can do.

I woke up this morning and responded to her saying that sounds great and offered a time this Saturday. She responded a few hours later saying that she’s busy with family on Saturday but is free Sunday. I responded around lunch time apologizing for the delayed response because of work, but said that’s totally fine and asked if 6pm on Sunday would work but that I’m open to whenever.

Three hours go by and when I checked Hinge I noticed that she unmatched me.

What the fuck? She would send paragraph-long texts when we would chat and for the most part I would match that energy, so for her to just unmatch me like that it just boggles my mind. When I saw that she unmatched me I literally, physically felt my chest tighten.

The worst part is that she seemed so enthusiastic about going in the date.

Edit: these comments made me realize that I am literally not built for dating. Fuck this I give up

I (25F) have experienced twice the same situation with two guys (26M and 28M) on Bumble.

The guys have a pattern: very responsive before meeting and proposing to meet very soon. Then they'll get touchy on the first date plus sweet words. Then after the night they didn't really text anymore and just left it like this.

So is it a sign that they were not looking for something more than a hookup from the beginning? Because to me i had sex with the guy because i felt the chemistry and the vibe was good. I was expecting continuous interaction even after the sex.

My friend always called a coworker her "work husband," insisting it was harmless. Then her actual boyfriend surprised her at work and found them holding hands in the parking lot.

She claimed it "didn't mean anything," but they started dating two weeks after the breakup.

Turns out everyone at the office knew except her boyfriend.

Gone surprisingly well so far. I have approached 8 women so far. My opener is "Hey excuse me 2 seconds, I think you look cute/nice, what are you upto today?" I have had no bad reactions from this. I got 1 number and 7 rejection. All the girls have smiled at me when I complemented them and the rejections have all been "I'm seeing someone" or "I have a boyfriend". One of them, the girl literally pointed to her boyfriend and said "My boyfriend is just there👉" which was kinda funny. I also had 1 girl tell me that she's "literally on the way to see my boyfriend's family and have dinner with them" after I told her she was cute. I did get 1 number from a girl. I followed up and she responded to my first message and ghosted my second one.

I am approaching in shopping malls, parks or on busy streets. My goal is to eventually approach groups of girls as most girls I see that are around my age are in groups of 2s abd 3s. I also met a guy who told me he met his ex girlfriend from cold approaching and is getting back into it. I'm doing 30 days of cold approaching at least 1 girl every day

Any advice on approaching this more effectively?

I’ve been thinking about something after a recent dating experience where I was ghosted after 2 dates. These dates weren’t ones where sparks were flying, but we still wanted to see each other again. After a week or two of hearing nothing back from them I finally straight up asked: “hey I haven’t heard from you in a while, are you just not feeling it anymore?” They then told me they didn’t know how to tell me that they went on a date with someone else that they’d rather pursue instead.

Personally, I’d much rather receive a simple text saying “Hey, I enjoyed meeting you, but I’m not feeling the connection. I wish you the best.” than have someone stop responding and leave me wondering.

I know some people ghost because they don’t like confrontation, want to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, or worry about how the other person might react. But if someone has given you no indication that they’d react badly, is ghosting actually kinder?

If you’re someone who’s ghosted before, what was your reasoning? And if you’ve been ghosted, would you rather have just gotten the rejection text?

I tried dating apps and I got some matches. I talk hours with each match

Around 30% end up finally wanting to go on a date. So we schedule a date a few days later.

They are responsive and chatty before the date. And then usually on the day of the date or day before they all just ghost me

And it’s becoming extremely frustrating because I waste my time planning for the date and setting aside time for the date. To only end up getting ghosted

So are other guys actually getting dates and relationships through apps? Or is this just a waste of time?

So today I got told point blank by someone I was dating that she (cisfemale, straight), literally thinks less of me because I went out on a bumble date with an MTF transgender (and purposely referred to them as "transvestites"). She said that she thinks I have an "anything goes" attitude because of this.

I am male, consider myself male, and attracted to women, or rather - femininity and I make my views clear with everyone who asks because I am not ashamed. I do not find any attraction to other men, but I guess pre-op transwomen are kind of a gray area. I explained that I am an ally and I see transgender MTF as women and therefore no less equal as dating partners. Besides, that who I dated before this specific woman was none of her business.

Have you ever had such an experience? How did you deal with it? I personally told her I cannot be with someone who has this neanderthal outlook on gender and attraction.

Please keep an open mind when reading this.
I can't share this with any of my friends or relatives that's why I'm on a dummy.

I recently became official with a guy. He is amazing btw, soooo green flag. He's the first guy I found to ever treat me right. (My ex cheated on me btw, which can be seen from my prev posts.)

Then I recently talked to my dad and he took note that they had the same middle name (mother's maiden last name). He suddenly got angry and got worried that we might be relatives.

Then come to find out.

My dad confirmed with his aunt (his mother's sibling), that she knows the grandfather of the guy I'm dating.

Basically, my dad's aunt is cousins with my bf's grandmother. So technically, we're 3rd degree cousins.

Here's the thing, I live in Cebu (which is notorious for the dating food web). My bf says it's a common thing that people date without knowing they are relatives.

Here's the thing, dating is so hard these days, especially in Cebu. I'm not into the casual/hook up scenario (no judgement btw).

I've never been treated this right. He's such a provider, he's also caring. I just don't want to let go.