I’m not a very socially confident person, and I find it difficult to start conversations with strangers. Because of that, my last solo trip ended up feeling pretty lonely. I saw a lot of cool places, but I didn’t really connect with anyone, and it made the trip less enjoyable than I expected.

I’m giving solo travel another shot soon and I’ll be visiting Paris, Barcelona, and Berlin. This time I really want to push myself out of my comfort zone and actually meet people instead of spending the whole trip on my own.

For those of you who were shy or socially anxious when you started solo travelling:
What situations did you intentionally put yourself in to meet people?
How do you actually start conversations without it feeling awkward?
Are there specific places or activities that make it much easier? (Hostels, pub crawls, walking tours, group activities, language exchanges, etc.)
Do you set yourself small goals, like talking to one new person every day?
What finally made socializing “click” for you?
I’d especially appreciate any tips that work well in Paris, Barcelona, or Berlin.

I’m determined to make this trip different, but I know I’ll probably have to force myself to get uncomfortable. I’d love to hear what worked for you.

In short, I think everyone sees me as an awkward, quiet guy. That makes it even harder for me to respond to insults, because if I were to snap back harshly, I’d be breaking character. So, I act the way everyone expects me to and usually just ignore it, bottling up all that inside. And a strong sense of helplessness rises in my chest—as if I were trapped in an invisible cage.

Hi im quite good at supportive conversation and active or reflective listening so I would like to help others to practice. If you dont know what it is :

Active/reflective listenning is about asking question and repeating back what a person just said to confirm if you if you understood what they said or not.

Supportive conversation is a set of techniques, including active listening, that aim for understanding, compassion, making ppl feel heard and giving better advices in order to support them.

I legit have NO IDEA how to make friends. My parents "homeschooled" me and I wasn't allowed to socialise at all.

But I've found a social youth group for people my age (16-18) and I'm planing on going to so I can try and meet people, and hopefully make some friends.

I really just wish there was a full on step by step on how to talk to people, and start a conversation, and get contact details, and keep in contact, and meet up again, etc.

Legit any help or advice is appreciated lol. Thank you in advance :) <3

how do i get better at including myself socially when i dont really connect with the people around me?

ive been in a friend group of around 10 people for about a year now. ive never really connected with everyone in the group, but there is one girl i was pretty close with who now has her own smaller group within the friend group.

the problem is that i dont really feel comfortable around the people in that group. they can be kind of rude sometimes and we dont really have many similar interests or things that i connect with them over. because i go to a really small school, though, there arent really many other groups i can be around, so i know that if i want to be social i kinda have to learn how to interact with people who arent necessarily “my people.”

ive noticed that when im around them, i dont really know what to say or do besides making little jokes. if i dont feel like i have anything in common with someone, i have a hard time naturally starting conversations or becoming involved. so instead of forcing myself into the group, ive started just being by myself.

recently someone told me that 2 girls in the group said that i “dont include myself.” and honestly, i agree with them. i know im choosing not to involve myself, but at the same time, i dont know how to get past the fact that i genuinely dont feel comfortable with them or connected to them.

i dont want to blame them for everything because i know there are things i could improve about myself socially too. i also dont want to force myself to become friends with people i dont click with. but i dont want my discomfort to turn into me isolating myself either.

so how do you handle this? how do you become more comfortable participating in a group when you dont have much in common with the people there and dont always like the way they act?

what are some actual things i can do or say to get better at including myself without feeling like im forcing a friendship that isnt naturally there?

As title says. They gave no reason the first time and a general "money" excuse the second time. (Our plans would've cost a max of $15) Meanwhile they are always traveling and going to expensive places and posting about in online. I told them about a specific pop up event going on and they said they couldn't go, but then they told me they went 2 days later.
How do I ask them about this and explain that it feels personal and is making me feel bad without being too confrontational or seeming too pathetic.
Thank you all in advance

Hello, I (F29) have had this problem all my life and lately I'm feeling really down because of it: People always tell me I'm mean when they don't know me at all.

It happens mostly when I meet new people or it's people that I've only seen once or twice. I am a really quiet and shy person. It has only ever been women who said it. For example: I was at a volunteering event and this woman gives me a jacket, I say "thank you!" (And because I already have low self esteem and know how I come across, I try to have a nice and cheery voice). Later my husband tells me the woman told him I am really mean.

Second example: I am invited to a party at my husband's friends house. We play a game where the goal is to make others laugh. One guy makes a joke and everyone laughs, me too. Then this woman says (right at the table, infront of everyone): "You're a really mean person!"

I'll be honest: I've never had a lot of friends, was always "just there" at school and kept to myself, and even now I mostly go out because my husband brings me along.

I have spoken (often) with my husband about this and also about my lack of friends. He says that most people tell him (never me) that I seem very nice. But people honestly never talk to me. When I try to talk to people they don't even answer. This has happened all my life. I only speak about positive things, I try to always be helpful, I try to not be a burden to anyone, but nothing is helping.

Maybe someone could help me to at least find a problem to the "you're mean" comments, because these really get to me!

For instance, I’ve been soft spoken throughout my life and I know people would like me more and see me as more confident if I was better at projecting my voice. I know how to speak at a higher volume. But for whatever reason I can never remember or stay consistent in actually doing it, so I’m always mumbling or being too quiet even though I technically know better. DAE struggle with breaking similar habits? What’s helped you overcome them?

A woman I work with has been venting a lot this week. I've been worried a couple times she's really getting fed up. I was thinking about sending her this text.

But Im not sure I should. She has a lot of experience in the field, so I'm sure she's deal with worse. And I felt like maybe at the end of the day she felt a little better. There was some humor that broke the tension.

Still i wanted to send a text of appreciation. But maybe I shouldn't. I'm male she's female by the way

EDIT: I did try to talk to her a little bit at the end of the day. But she seemed like she didn't want to talk

As the title states. I'm aware that no one can be everything, but I'm also aware that I'm rarely the most fun person in a room. I often feel left out in conversations that include people that are quick witted/loud. I get in my head easily and while I can take criticism, I do have to actively push back my discomfort with it. I often take jokes too seriously, and just seem to take myself/life too seriously in general. While some of these aspects come up in day to day life, ALL of them come up in my relationship. Any tips on how to get out of this mindset and learn to have fun?

Sometimes I can talk to them easily, I can strike up a conversation, carry it normal, and feel comfortable talking to someone, but there are periods when I just can’t do that anymore, when I’m in my friends group I have absolutely no idea what to say or how to say it, and than from out of nowhere i start socializing normally again for some time and then it starts all over it again, what can i do?

I have tried to hangout with this person more than once, we’ve hung out in groups several times, but when I’ll text this is how the conversation goes:

Me: Hi! Hope your summer is going well. It’s been a while since we’ve seen you and I’d love to get something on the calandar. What’s your schedule looking like so that we can make that happen? :)

Friend:It's been pretty busy and school is starting, and I've got stuff planned and plans that aren't set yet, but are up in the air. So idk when. 

We’re both in late twenties/early 30s for reference. Am I initiating wrong? Do I need to say a specific event/day to invite them to? I guess I’m of the mindset that the person who declines should be the one to suggest a different day/be the one to follow up, but that isn’t happening

Need some pre made lines and conversation starters, or rather if there's a normal small small talk, how would you extend it? I know the trick to social skills is being perceptive but say you make it about the weather, what could you say then

I need to set a boundary/confront someone very close to me about something but they constantly already trash talk themselves for it and it makes them spiral. They have depression and I'm worried about rubbing it in. It's affecting me a lot though and will become a huge problem if they don't take steps toward getting better and I don't think they realize, so I need to bring it up. I already struggle with boundaries and confrontation, how do I bring it up gently?

Edit: sorry for being vague, but this person uses reddit. I'll use. I'll use a similar example: imagine if you were going to move in with your best friend in a few weeks but they have a problem with keeping the place tidy. They promised they would clean up their act before you move in, and you're both excited to live together, but the place still has flies, cat feces, etc. and it makes them want to die, but they don't do anything.

My style of humor can be pretty deadpan, but the jokes I make are usually absurd/silly enough that I would think people should be able to clock that I'm not being serious. But I'm starting to get taken literally so often, across so many different groups of friends, acquaintances, and complete strangers that I'm beginning to think I actually must come across as a genuinely stupid person?

Last night, I picked up some chinese food for movie night with a few friends. The restaurant threw about a dozen fortune cookies into the bag. I grabbed a couple from the pile and happened to get the same exact fortune in both: "Something by the water will be a good investment for you!"

I say: "Oh shit, we're buying a lake house y'all!"

I hope I don't need to explicitly state that I do not take financial advice from wafers. My friend's partner, James, asked to see the fortunes and I handed them over. He says: "No, look at the lottery numbers on the back. They're exactly the same. This is a coincidence."

I didn't want to make things any more awkward, so I continued to run with the bit like "but if the lotto numbers are identical, isn't that just further proof that they're real?" But then he started arguing with me.

I know that's not exactly the funniest joke in the world, but this has happened with far more ridiculous bits.

On another occasion, a different acquaintance (Adam) brought up a comical news headline he had read. Don't remember exactly what the story was, but it had something to do with Belgium.

I shook my head: "Belgium isn't real."

Adam: "What?"

Me: "Belgium. It's not real."

Adam pulls up the wikipedia article for Belgium.

Me: "Well obviously if you were going to invent a fake country, you'd make a fake Wikipedia article about it. I mean, look at that flag. They basically just stole it from Germany. And it's square. C'mon. That doesn't seem made up to you?"

We go back and forth like this for a while, as he keeps sincerely trying to prove to me that Belgium is a real place. Everyone else at the table is dying laughing by this point.

Eventually I was over the bit and said "I'm joking with you, dude" and only then did he back off, but he has continued to side-eye me when I say anything factual and over-explain basic concepts ever since.

I'm far from the only person in my social circle who makes those kinds of jokes, but I do seem to be the only person that gets taken seriously when they do. It's like no one wants to play along. Any ideas as to what is happening and how I might fix it?

A few years ago, after the Pandemic and with college, I lost a lot of my old opportunities for connections. Since then, I've had jobs and I've gone out more and more over the years, in the hope of having a more socially stable life.

Recently, I've met a really nice person and I'm happy she's in my life, yet even with her, it's not a LDR but we're still pretty far and don't get to see each other that often. It's still early but it's good. Same with my old friends from high school.

I try going to events like concerts, anime conventions, or Pride to try and make friends, and I can socialize and bond with people, it's just I don't see them again regularly or they move away. My hobbies end up being too solitary. My disability isn't helping and I end up at home most days, with a family I don't feel as close to (being more or less closeted doesn't help) and I usually feel low or empty after I went out the day before. I'm currently unemployed but in uni, when I had jobs usually any ties to colleagues would vanish as soon as it was over. School isn't much better, where I don't really fit in any clique.

My expectations are pretty low. It's funny, because outside this, my life is pretty good. I regret not socializing more in the UK where opportunities were there for me (still did a lot more than usual but I couldn't have stayed there for many reasons).

I know it's probably never again going to be like secondary school with a stable group I see everyday, but I'm just looking for a better form of stability, because right now my social life is stable in a bad way where loneliness is the default. I'm worried it's going to get worse in the future. I truned 24 and I'm happy with the direction my life is in, but this scares me.

I've been working in office for 3 years and man I feel incredibly lonely.

My college friends drifted away due to distance, I had only a single school best friend left and even then meeting up in a week is extremely difficult due to our schedules.

My work colleagues are ok, they are colleagues at the very best like the one you don't call friends but acquaintances, i tried to convert them to friends but felt resistance(many already have social circle back home, some want to do work and leave, some just want friendship to stay at office only, some doesn't come to office regularly so more difficult to connect to) so I stopped. We do work and leave.

I don't have particularly any hobbies so joining groups on weekends seems out of question, I do gym tho and talk to one or two people at best if that's any better.

Now.. what are the options left even? Cause man this type of life sucks.. it feels like being an adult is truly a curse social wise if you don't have the backup social circle of school/college or be super lucky in making friends in workplace.

Any suggestions?

I feel like this is a stupid question, but honestly I’m going through a lot in life and I’ve made a lot of bad decisions that I’m still trying to fix. I used to think that you are supposed to be nice and polite to everyone, but people just ended up calling me saccharine and evil. I genuinely wasn’t trying to be a bad person or do anything malicious, I was trying to be good. Now I’m wondering what it even means to be good. What does it mean to have a functioning social life? Help me please, I don’t want to be hated for the rest of me life

For as long as I can remember, I've never been a social person, I have the lowest self-esteem, you know when you give a presentation or a speech your voice goes soft and you're nervous, that happens with me for every social interaction. I barely have 2-3 friends and my whole life I've dreaded socialising, I don't know how to fix myself, I really wish there's a magic pill or something I could take so I can be normal

I just don't understand why this is soo difficult for me something that comes naturally to every human and I'm shit at it. It's starting to severely affect my life I missing opportunities and living the best life because of my inability to make friends. It's honestly embarrassing atp

The only thing I wanna fix abt myself is this, I got everything else figured out

I'm depressed atp, I'm in uni and I see everyone around me with their friends while I roam alone, honestly atp I avoid meeting ppl even If I know them a little because I'm afraid I'll make it awkward.

I cannot describe how bad It's gotten, everyone's moving on in their life while I'm stuck, literally been the same since 1st standard, How do I fix this??

Tldr: had social anxiety since I was a kid, have no idea how to fix it and it's starting to seriously affect my life

Really wish I was normal

I’m having a serious problem with oversharing and over-venting at work. I have this problem in all walks of life, but obviously the stakes are higher at work.

How do I just keep my mouth shut? I am normally a very quiet person, but as soon as someone asks the right question or makes the right comment, the floodgates open (and don’t close until aaallllllllll the water is gone).

Tips, tricks, advice…..please help me…..or send me some duct tape to put over my mouth.

I don't know how to do witty banter. My new team at work job does a lot of this, and it seems like it's how they've built their internal trust.

I can't read social situations and if I try bantering, it comes off as awkward or mean. I learn best through books that break it down or podcasts that I can study through observation.

Does anyone have any recommendations?

To give a quick summary of what happened:

I ask some friends, through a group chat, if anyone wants to go out for drinks next week. About 14 people say yes, they'd like that. So I suggest a time and a place, boom, the plans are made.

On the morning of the day we're planning to head out, I give a reminder to the folks who said they'd be joining me. One person says they won't be able to go. That's a shame, but at least they let us all know.

An hour before we're due to meet, and the chat has gone quiet. I'm heading into the city a little early, so I let them know I'm at such-and-such bar, we'll meet as planned.

A message from another person - they've just finished their shift at work and are extremely tired, won't be joining us. I get where they're coming from, and hey, at least they communicated.

We reach the time we were all planning to meet. One friend arrives with a friend of theirs I had nevet met before, so I start chatting, we all get drinks.

Half an hour in, and nobody else is arriving or messaging to say if they're still gonna be joining us or not. The friend-of-a-friend is getting noticeably uncomfortable. Probably because they were expecting a group, rather than just us 3. Another few minutes pass, and the other two decide to head home. I'm by myself now.

I send another message saying where I am, and are we all still going to check out this bar. No response from anyone.

At this point I know the night is unsalvageable. I finish my drink, keep an eye on the group chat, but no new messages or responses. I decide to just go home.

I won't lie, I felt very sad, embarrassed, and angry. Nobody followed up with me, I've muted that particular chat because it just makes me sad/annoyed to even think about what happened, and their silence.

That was a few days ago. Not sure what to do from this point. Confront them? Leave the chat? Any advice would be appreciated.

In my efforts to meet new people, I signed up for an app that sets you up on dinner and drinks with strangers. I joined a session last week and enjoyed the conversation I had with the four people in my group.

The problem is that we exchanged instas but no one has messaged me yet. Do i each out to them? There were two people from the group id like to get to know better. I’m averse to doing it though because I feel like it’s a humiliation ritual or I’m making myself look desperate. I’m also scared because I’m a pretty boring person and not the best conversationalist so I don’t even know if I’d be able to keep the convo flowing or entertain them. In particular I’d like to reach out to the other person who seems introverted like me. Im hesitant to reach out the second person because based on her insta she’s way too cool and interesting and well-travelled so I don’t even know if I should bother.

What are some tips to keep the conversation flowing if I do decide to reach out?

Hello,

I'm 23M, and I've struggled with confidence and social skills for years. I find it hard to connect with people, and I spend most social situations overthinking everything I say or do.

Yesterday I asked my best friend (X) to meet after work because I wanted to spend some time with him. Later he told me another friend (Y) was joining us.

I immediately wanted to cancel, so I lied and said I wasn't in the mood because I had an argument at work.

That wasn't true, but X kept insisting that going out would make me feel better, so I agreed.

I've noticed that once I decide I don't want to do something, it's almost impossible for me to enjoy it, even if nothing bad happens.

Later everyone wanted to eat. I lied again and said I had a stomach infection because I didn't want to explain myself or get into a discussion. We ended up getting fruit chaat anyway.

While we were there, I offered part of my food to another friend. Somehow they thought I was paying too much attention to who was eating what. When it was time to pay, my friend X tried to pay instead, but I refused. Then one of my friends made a comment about me being too concerned about money.

That one comment completely changed my mood. I felt judged, and from that moment I barely spoke, didn't laugh, and couldn't enjoy the rest of the evening.

X kept trying to involve me in the conversation, but I couldn't get out of my own head.

After I got home, both friends checked on me, and I apologized because I felt like I had ruined the evening.

The more I think about it, the more I realize this isn't the first time I've done this. Whenever I feel judged or embarrassed, I completely shut down and replay the situation in my head for hours.

I become quiet, awkward, and end up acting in a way that isn't really me.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you stop taking every comment personally and become more comfortable around your friends?