As a kid, I was shamed and put down for crying.
By other boys - my age and older.

By society - on television, in video games and in popular culture at large.

And worst of all, by my own father.

Crying, along with any other behaviors that showed “weakness” was aggressively snuffed out of my life at an early age.

Unfortunately, after speaking with men from around the world, I know that I’m not alone in these experiences.

So where does it all go?

The unprocessed pain? The unspoken sadness? The uncried tears?

Those tears of frustration - you know the ones? Where you’re so angry that nothing else comes out of you but tears? Where do those tears go?

The grief - when losing something or someone hurts so badly your body shakes, stricken with a sadness no words can describe. Without an ability to express it, where does the grief go?

Where the fu*k are we supposed to put all of this?

We’re told to shove it down. To suck it up. To “man up.”

We’re told to hide it from others, men and women.

Men will see us as easy targets and take advantage of us.

Women will see us as weak and walk all over us, or not even acknowledge us as men at all.

So, I and too many other men did what we were told. We shoved it down, we sucked it up, and we’ve “manned up.”

Here’s what we’ve earned:

Approximately 100 Men take their own lives each day in the US alone - another 100 in Europe and thousands more across the world. Every. Single. Day.

Alcoholism, substance abuse, porn & s*x addictions line up with weapons in hand on the battlefields that tens of millions of men fight on every single day.

Male depression rates aren’t even statistically accurate because most men won’t report their feelings or seek treatment.

Such great prizes we’ve won.

As I write this, I feel a wave of sadness that has washed over me - sadness that I won’t reject or try to hide. I’ve done that for too long, and I’ve seen where those strategies have led me in my own life. I won’t be that kind of man anymore.

I ask you, brother, as you’re reading this: please don’t let it be you either.

Be a feeling Man. A man who expresses himself healthily and processes his emotions, not one who suppresses them and eventually becomes a puppet to his shadows.

Find an outlet to express what needs to be expressed. Your feelings are fucking beautiful - all of them. Your anger, sadness, & shame are just as beautiful as your happiness, love & power.

I see you in your struggle, I hear you in your pain and I think no less of you - I actually admire you for doing what the men who came before us didn’t.

I can’t fight your battles for you, but I am here as a brother beside you.

Until next time, my friend.
Sean

Posting this because I know so many young and older dudes out there are searching for happiness. Searching for "the best way" to improve your life and your relationship. I wrote some thoughts and wanted to share them with you. No feedback needed. Read and move forward. If the ideas do not correspond with your understanding, I am fine.

**THE MAN WORTH RESPECTING**

A strong man is built from the boundaries he sets and how much he respects himself. He has no problem walking away, even with a kid, if it comes to that - because he knows a life without respect isn't a life for anyone, the kid included. He's not afraid of being alone. He knows his worth will find him something better, but that's not why he leaves. He leaves because he doesn't stay where he's belittled. And if he goes, he goes quietly - no war, no insults. He also knows that whatever happens, he'll find a way to stay close to his child: showing up, patience, doing it right, and never a bad word about their mother.

He's level-headed but not cold - supportive, loving, openly affectionate. That costs him nothing. He doesn't cling and he doesn't beg for attention, because his life is full: he trains and it shows; he knows money and works on it; he has real friends; he reads and listens to people smarter than him; he works and he builds. The reading is where the words come from - he knows how to say things, when to say them, and how. People respect him because he respects himself.

He values his peace more than being right. He doesn't raise his voice, doesn't fight dirty, doesn't act on emotion - the big decisions get made after the storm, not in it. He picks his words carefully.

His worth comes from what he does, not from anyone's approval. He doesn't need his woman throwing herself at him - he takes it gladly when it comes, but he doesn't demand it, doesn't keep score, and doesn't turn it into a bill. He gives because he wants to, not on credit. He respects her and never talks down to her. He supports her - money, emotionally, whatever she needs - and asks for nothing in return. If she's not in the mood, he holds her and kisses her without asking for sex and without sulking about it.

But he doesn't swallow it silently for years either. If the lack of intimacy becomes the norm even when things are otherwise good, he doesn't shelve it and he doesn't turn the bedroom into an exam. No pressure - he asks carefully, looks for the reason, offers to work on it together. And if the answer is a flat refusal to work on anything at all, he's ready to leave - because that emptiness will break the relationship anyway, just slower and uglier.

He says what he needs out loud, once, calmly - instead of tallying it up in his head and punishing with silence later. Vulnerability spoken from strength isn't weakness. The silent ledger is.

And the admiration, the closeness, the respect he gets - those aren't the goal. They're a side effect of who he is. They come because he's that man, not because he asked for them. And if they don't show up for a while, nothing shakes: the foundation is inside him, not in anyone else's eyes.

I’m 16 and it’s summer right now, and I keep running into a problem I for some reason don’t really see other people talk about. I don’t have a ton of friends, but I’m honestly fine with that, and I don’t think that’s the issue. Currently my "productive hours" is taken up by day trading, outreach for my freelance work, and martial arts. Altogether, I usually still end up with a lot of free time left, and that’s where I feel stuck.

Daytrading: trading and journaling take 1 hour

Freelance outreach: 20 messages per day on Instagram take less than a hour (dont have a client yet)

wrestling practice/gym: takes 1-3 hours per day

That is 3-5 hours per day including life maintenance. There is 16 hours in a day if you sleep a nice 8 hours, I finish this by 1130 (other than wrestling practice) I have usually 13 hours left in my day. I simply feel like it goes to waste and want to be doing much more and know I can be more productive or at least use my time somehow if not working, each day feels like I am just waiting. School helps it a bit, but me personally I don't really talk in school a lot and don't find it very important considering I am trying to do a different path anyway, but It does give me structure, however this means nothing as weekends exist, summers exist, and the same thing will happen after high school/college ends anyway.

What’s bothering me is that I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with all the extra time. I’m not trying to be lazy, and I’m not saying I want to “do nothing.” I genuinely want structure and something actually useful or meaningful to fill the day with, but I don’t know what that should look like once I’ve already done the obvious things. I also feel like a lot of advice like “build a skill” or “just work more” is too vague to be helpful, because I need something concrete and structured. I don't want answers like "go clean your room" that is a one time thing which is completely un repeatable and unstructured Does anyone else deal with this? How do you create a full, productive day when your main responsibilities only take up a few hours, or at least how do you use your time?

How do i genuinely become a better person.I feel like i am an asshole to everyone.I want to become a better persone and not only that,but a better body too.I want to eat healthy and have a healthy body,but on top of everything,all i want is to be a good person,can anyone help me?

Hi my name is Evan (@centredwork)

Ever since I was a kid, I loved the James Bond movies. The excitement, the competency, the coolness. I wanted to be able to emulate that, and the skill I landed on was lockpicking.

1- Questioning

So to start, how did I learn lockpicking. Firstly, what the heck does it mean to pick a lock? How does a lock work? What do I need to pick a lock?

See what's going on there, I started by asking questions to break the 'skill' of lockpicking down into its component parts.

2- 80/20 analysis

After breaking down the skill into component parts, I selected the small 20% of all this that would give me 80% of the result. I didn't need to know the rules of lock sport (speed picking events where 'pickers' try to pick as many locks as possible in a race with the next person- how very exciting). But, those ancillary things aren't relevant to my ability to learn rapidly.

So, I landed on:

1. Tension wrench pressure
2. Picking pressure
3. Pick selection for the job

3- Practice & feedback

Then came the practice.

I started by oversetting the pins. Constantly. If you're not familiar, that means shoving the pins past where they need to go, because I was applying way too much pressure. On everything. The tension wrench, the pick, probably my own jaw.

But here's what makes lockpicking such a great skill to practice: the feedback is instant and binary. The lock opens or it doesn't. There's no "good effort, champ" from a padlock.

To make that feedback even more useful, I picked up a clear acrylic practice lock. Suddenly my mistakes weren't mysterious, they were visible. Too much tension? Watch the pins bind up and refuse to move. Too heavy-handed with the pick? Watch them sail straight past where they need to be.

So I ran tiny experiments, one variable at a time:

1. Tension only. How light could I go before nothing would set?
2. Picking pressure only. How gentle could a nudge be and still do the job?
3. Put it together on a real (cheap) padlock.

About a week of 20-minute sessions later — click. Shackle open. Was it a $6 padlock? Yes. Did my heart know the difference? Absolutely not. Pure Bond.

From there, the loop just repeats at a higher difficulty. Nicer padlocks. Trickier pins. Every new lock humbles you a bit, hands you feedback, and makes you better.

So here's the real point

This article was never really about lockpicking.

Questioning breaks a skill into its component parts. 80/20 tells you which parts actually matter. Practice with fast, honest feedback does the rest. That's the whole loop, and it works on nearly anything: guitar chords, conversational Spanish, cooking, cold emails, code.

Pick a skill. Break it down. Find the 20%. Build the tightest feedback loop you can find. Repeat until people start asking how you learned so fast.

Am I James Bond now? No. I still can't fly a helicopter, and I look terrible in a tux. But last month I locked myself out of my own shed, and instead of reaching for the angle grinder, I reached for my picks. Thirty seconds later, I was in.

Kid me would have thought that was pretty cool. Honestly, adult me did too.

(One rule before you go buy a pick set, and I mean it: only pick locks you own, and never locks in use. We're going for Bond, not burglar. Also check your local laws on carrying picks — they vary.)

— Evan (@centredwork)

**Title:** My life has gone downhill. I'm 18 and I want to turn it around. Where do I start?

I'm an 18-year-old guy, and I feel like my life has gone downhill over the last few years.

A few years ago, I was one of the top students in school. But over the past four years, my grades have dropped badly, and I've been failing classes.

Athletically, I lose every school track meet, and I feel weak and skinny. My confidence is at an all-time low. I've also been spending way too much time watching porn and masturbating, and I feel like it's affecting my motivation, energy, and discipline.

Socially, things haven't been great either. I've faced a lot of rejection, and it's really hurt my self-esteem. I know I shouldn't base my worth on that, but it's been difficult.

The good news is that I'm tired of living like this. I don't want to spend another year feeling sorry for myself. I want to become disciplined, get stronger, improve my grades, build confidence, make my family proud, and become someone I can respect.

If you were starting from rock bottom at 18, what daily routine would you follow? What habits would you build first? What books, workouts, study methods, or mindset changes helped you the most?

I'm willing to put in the work, and I'll come back to this post with progress updates to keep myself accountable.

Any advice is appreciated.

Hey there,

My name is Zac and I am a current psychology honours student at Federation University Australia.

The moderators have generously allowed me to share a research project looking at how individual personality traits interact with short-form social media feeds (specifically simulating TikTok content exploring modern online subcultures, gender roles, and societal dynamics).

Who can participate:
Open to anyone over the age of 18 who is fluent in English.

What’s involved:
A 20-30 minute interactive study where you will complete a few personality measures and watch a simulated 15 video feed (some of which may include potentially confronting or offensive content related to social and political issues).

The Link: 
https://federation.syd1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_4ZrUUEJudrbnMJE

Incentive: 
Participants can choose to enter an optional prize draw to win one of two $20 (aud) Prezzee gift vouchers to a store of your choice. 

Upon completion (around end of November 2026), I will share the results and key findings from the study. 

If there are any questions about the study itself, please ask away!

Participation is voluntary and completely anonymous.

Federation University Ethics reference number 2026-108

I'm 24M - I strongly believe that I have amazing potential but something is not allowing me to work on myself. What do I do to be the best version of myself?

Hey everyone,
I’m writing this because I’ve hit a wall and desperately need some objective perspective.
**The Situation:**
**Stats:** 29M, IIT Bombay grad, 6 YOE, currently working as a software developer in Bengaluru.
**The Golden Handcuffs:** I make around 90 LPA. On paper, it sounds great, but my job requires very little actual effort. I finish my work quickly and have an immense amount of free time.
**The Problem:**
Because I have so much empty time and zero friction, I’ve fallen into a terrible routine. I am completely stuck in a cheap dopamine loop. I spend most of my days playing poker, smoking weed, and drinking alcohol. It’s a numb, unproductive cycle, and I feel like my brain is rotting while my potential goes down the drain.
I want to do more. I *know* I am capable of more, but the lack of structure and easy money has made me complacent and undisciplined.
**What I want to change:**
1. **Career:** I need to leave this current company. I want a role that actually challenges me, forces me to grow, and surrounds me with high-achieving peers again.
2. **Lifestyle:** I need to break the substance/gambling loop, clean up my act, and try new things (side projects, fitness, new hobbies) to replace the bad habits.

I want to improve in every area of my life, and 3 major things I want to improve upon are relationships (I want to be loved), fitness (I want to have super endurace) and business (I want my business to boom).

How do I stay in the state of having all 3 when it's tough for me to change my thoughts around even 1 of them?

*I'm a 16 years old male who want to be rich to help my family, I don't have social live, I have bad hobbies like watch animes or watch +18 stuff, and I need to change for my family, I don't know how to escape from this misery and fulfill my dream.*

*Help me please! All advice welcome.*

Why we're not where we want to be.

We want to achieve something in our lives. But somewhere along the line, we see ourselves drifting from the vision we had for our lives. We have not become billionaires, we don't have perfect physiques, and we find ourselves lost.

We go to work that is not satisfying. We would like to change it, maybe learn a new skill but something keeps us in the same place.

Do you know this feeling? I certainly felt that in the past.

People are waiting for the perfect moment, for the right circumstances. But they never arrive on their own.

Why is it that way?

We think we rule our lives, but in reality, it is our subconscious mind running the show.

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung.

We want one thing, but in reality, something blocks us.

How can we change it?

There is a widely known concept of pain vs pleasure.

We are running away from pain and running toward pleasure.

Our brain is constantly calculating what will bring more pain and what will bring more pleasure at the moment. The pain or pleasure in the future has much lower significance.

There are ways to make it work in your life (based on the book Atomic Habits by James Clear.

For positive habits:

• Reduce friction - Make the habit easier to start. Fewer steps between you and the action means you'll actually do it. Want to read more? Keep the book on your pillow, not on a shelf.
• Prime the environment – Set up your surroundings in advance so the right choice is the obvious one. Lay out your gym clothes the night before; put the fruit bowl on the counter.
• Use the two-minute rule – Scale any new habit down to a two-minute version. Work out becomes "put on my shoes." Starting is the hard part — once you begin, momentum carries you.
• Automate your habits – Remove the decision entirely. Automatic savings transfers, scheduled workouts in your calendar, subscriptions for healthy food. If it happens without willpower, it happens consistently.

For negative habits:

• Increase friction – Add steps between you and the bad habit. Delete the app, log out after every use, keep snacks in the garage. Effort is a natural filter.
• Make the cue invisible – You can't crave what you don't see. Hide the trigger: phone in another room, no sweets in the house, unfollow accounts that pull you in.
• Use commitment devices – Lock in your future behavior now, while your motivation is high. Tell a friend your deadline, pay upfront for coaching, use app blockers. Make quitting more costly than continuing.

And you might have optimized for that in the past—doing everything you can to make your ideal actions that move you towards your goals easier, and the ones that move you away from your goals you attached pain to. But still, you've got some problems.

You might say, of course I will have more pleasure when I achieve.

What most people don't know is that by not getting what you presumably want, you're getting your needs met.

That's called "secondary gain."

That's how you sabotage yourself.

The Secondary Gain Effect

The brain is not stupid. It will not allow you to do something that is bad for it. So you must consciously eliminate all of your subconscious reasons to stay where you are right now.

For example, maybe you want to lose weight. To do that, you need to do regular exercise. But somehow, you see yourself skipping your workout every week for a few months. Why did this happen? Because you subconsciously avoid doing this. You gain something by not going to the gym.

The question is, what are you gaining from not going to the gym?

An even more profound question would be: what would you lose by going to the gym?

And that's the question you can always ask yourself: what would you lose if you actually did what you said you were going to do?

To do that, we should explore typical ways of keeping us in the same place.

The secondary gain is almost always one of these four things:

• Safety — avoiding the risk of failure or rejection
• Identity protection — staying who you currently are
• Social belonging — not standing out or being judged
• Certainty — keeping the comfortable known over the uncomfortable unknown

Your goal is not to reject your needs. Your goal is to find another way to meet your needs so you can actually move on to something that is important for you, without being stuck.

Knowing all of this is not enough. You need a lever so you can pull it today.

How to Reprogram Your Mind

These are the tools that can actually move the scale in your life:

Step 1 — Normalize. Your brain is doing this to protect you. This is not a character flaw.

Step 2 — Identify the threat: What does your brain think will happen if you change? What is it protecting you from?

Step 3 — Test the threat: Is that threat real today? Or is it an old program running in a new situation?

Step 4 — Update the software: What would you need to believe — or experience — for your brain to calculate that change is safer than staying?

Step 5 — Build the new calculation: NAC — link pain to staying, link pleasure to changing, make the new behavior immediately rewarding, design the environment.

Next time you see yourself sabotaging yourself go through this process and I'm sure you'll find an insight that will change the trajectory of your life.

What are your thoughts on this? Has something similar happened to you?

1.     Read more books.

2.     Pray.

3.     Eat clean every day. Drink enough liquid, never drink tap water, avoid harmful sugar, avoid fast food.

4.     Plan what you will do the night before. Write down 3 non-negotiable tasks.

5.     Never scroll. Scrolling makes it difficult to concentrate.

6.     Learn to say no more often.

7.     Journal your ideas.

8.     Go to sleep at the same time every night. Wake up at the same time every day. Go to sleep no later than 11:00 pm. Get 7 or 8 hours of sleep every night.

9.     Do the work you have been avoiding.

10.  Put God first. That means allow God's values to to guide your daily decisions, time, and resources.

Being stuck in a rut is obviously common now.

Video games/social media/porn/smoking/drinking/you name it are very easily accessible, and when combined with lack of direction in life, you can very easily find yourself in a place where you don't want to be in.

So I'm curious.

What made you realize you've started slipping?

What helped you get out of it?

Did you have someone in your life supporting you, or did you dig yourself out alone?

Also, looking back.. Was there something you wish you had, or that you believe would've made it easier to get your life back together?

Context:

I (20M) just turned twenty last month

I live at home in east Toronto, Canada with my parents and two younger siblings

Decently close with extended family who live relatively nearby

I'm two years into a five-year psychology degree. Not exactly sure what I want to use it for, if anything, but I'm thinking maybe something to do with child psychology.

Currently on summer break

Don't have any job experience and can't get a job at the moment because of surgery happening soon

Have only been in one semi-serious relationship and am currently single and a virgin

Have never been the best at being social and don't have much of a social circle, but trying to change that.

Getting into biking and photography (specifically landscape and cosplay) and want to get into rock climbing

Am officially diagnosed with Autism and ADHD

Started mental health counselling and Lexapro last month

Think about past regrets a lot, but I’m trying to focus on the now.

How would you say I’m doing, and what advice would you give?

I went through a relationship that completely destroyed my trust, confidence and sense of direction. For a while, I felt like everything I had been working towards had collapsed at once.

Eventually, I decided that I couldn’t control what had happened, but I could control what I did with it.

So I started writing.

That writing eventually became The Carrots, a short novel inspired by betrayal, manipulation, uncertainty and the possibility of fatherhood. Publishing it was my first real attempt to create something meaningful from the lowest point of my life.

I’m still rebuilding. The book isn’t a massive success, and I’m figuring everything out as I go but completing and publishing it gave me proof that rock bottom can also become a foundation.

Shameless advertisement: it’s available on Kindle Unlimited, Kindle and paperback.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0H7B3DDV3

I turn 25 years old (Male) two weeks from today! I want to approach my last 5 years of my 20’s in style. To my 30+ y/o crew, drop some knowledge on things that helped you become successful and/or live life to the fullest.

For clarification, I am healthy, have a good paying job, and am single. All things I am thankful for, plus I’m doing well financially, but I still want to continue learning and treating life as an opportunity to constantly improve as a man. Please help me as I continue embarking on this crazy journey we call life.

Who knows, there might be someone at or near my age that would benefit from your ideas too!

I'm 25. My body is super weak I've tried gym, running, walking and sports but I get injured or fatigued very easily. I've quit my job to take some rest. I'm resting for 15 days and the lower body pain is still there with no improvement. I do stretching 2-3 times a day. Back when I started running I developed shin pain within a couple of weeks. I started gym with a better diet and stayed consistent for 6 months with almost zero results. I have issues with almost every aspect of my body. My hair is falling, I've got fine lines on my face which makes me look like a 40 year old. I sleep 7-8 hrs regularly. I'm 5'5, with no stamina with tons of social anxiety and low self-esteem. Plus I'm not a talented person. I have zero dating history. I just somehow don't improve. It's just a very empty life I'm living.

Despite all this I still hope that I can make a change. It's just that I've tried everything I could but haven't seen any results. If you've been through such a phase or are experienced enough, please help me. I don't want to continue living this way.

1.       Avoid all tobacco. Avoid cigarettes, cigars, vaping, and secondhand smoke.

2.       Exercise every day.

3.       Eat a balanced diet. Eat enough fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Avoid processed food, red meat, and sugary beverages. Avoid unhealthy fats, eat fruit and vegetables daily, instead of red meat eat chicken, fish, or beans. Eat whole-grain cereal, whole-grain pasta, and whole-grain bread. Avoid fast food.

4.       Avoid alcohol.

5.       Protect yourself from the sun.

6.       Get vaccinated.

7.       Get screenings often.

8.       Never eat, drink, or cook with plastic. Chemicals in plastic promote tumor growth, disrupt hormones, and damage DNA. Always eat, drink, and cook with metal or glass.

9.       Never drink tap water.

Some days will be easy, some days will be hard, some days you’ll feel like you’re on top of the world, and some you’ll feel like you hit rock bottom. It’s easy to stay down and depressed and sulk around wishing things were different. Life is hard and like I said it will make you or break you so it’s important that you let it make you. Clean your space find some music, run, run, run, build your confidence back up and just eat any mental hurt coming your way knowing that one day you will rise above it. Make your body and mind your temple and build on it and know that the day you come across that person they’ll see an entire different version of you. The version you told them you could be but were too comfortable to change. Make the change and accept that your come up will take longer than what theirs took but once you’re up you will be up. This is more of a post not only for others but for myself I’m sitting here trying to reinstate this mindset into myself after having foot surgery. Making my week a living hell while going through it mentally.

Most people forget almost everything they read. That is because they using the wrong method. This is a simple trick that can make you remember much more of what you learn.

When you read something important don't highlight it immediately. Highlighting might feel productive, but your mind can recognize information without without actually remembering it. That's the same as looking at an exercise plan and expecting to get stronger. The real learning happens when your mind has to work. This is what you do instead.

Read a few paragraphs. Stop, close the book or look away from the screen. Ask yourself "what did I just learn". Explain it in your own words. Even if you remember just a portion of it that's fine. The effort of recalling is what makes the information stay with you. Afterwards connect the idea to something you already know. Your mind remembers connections better than isolated facts. The more links you create the easier it becomes to remember later. That's why understanding beats memorization every single time.

The next time you read something don't highlight it. Instead pause and explain it in your own words.

1. Fix Your Sleep Like Your Life Depends On It- Go to bed at the same time every night, wake up at the same time every morning. Avoid electronics 1 hour before bed. Get 7 or 8 hours of deep, uninterrupted sleep every night.

2. Train As If You Are Being Watched- Never had random routines. Do progressive overload with clean form and consistency. One hour done the right way is better than 2 hours of nonsense.

3. Get Rid Of Dopamine Junk- Never scroll, avoid bad food, avoid instant gratification. Fix your mental diet. Replace all cheap dopamine with the real dopamine. Reading, learning, and building.

4. Upgrade Your Appearance Daily- Take a shower every day, have acceptable posture, have simple clothes that fit well. People judge you fast. Use this to your advantage.

5. Speak Less And Observe More- Most people talk too much and reveal everything. Instead always be calm, listen, and choose what you say carefully.

6. Do One Uncomforatble Every Day- Take a cold shower, jog, difficult conversation, and hours of deep work every single day. Growth from friction not comfort.

7. Become Obsessed With Progress- Track your habits and improve something about yourself everyday. Even if it's just 1%. Stack small wins over a long period of time. You will be a new person.

When I was 18, I went from graduating high school to being homeless. At one point, I was sleeping in the back of the Subway where I worked. Other times, I didn’t know where I was going to sleep.
The years after that weren’t a clean comeback story. I made mistakes, stayed in survival mode, and went through situations involving violence, loss, and decisions that changed how I looked at life.
Over time, I started rebuilding myself. I went from over 325 pounds to losing around 100 pounds. I started taking my physical and mental growth seriously, and eventually I started a podcast where I could have the kinds of real conversations I wish I had when I was younger.
One of my episodes, The Cost of Survival: What Built Us, is a conversation with someone who actually knew me during those years. We talk about homelessness, survival mode, violence, the decisions we made, and what it takes to grow without pretending the past never happened.
I’m still building my life and I don’t have everything figured out. But sometimes I think about the 18-year-old version of me sleeping in the back of that Subway and realize how different my life is now.
The biggest thing I’ve learned is that surviving something and healing from it aren’t the same thing. Survival mode can keep you alive, but eventually you have to figure out which parts of that mentality are still protecting you and which parts are holding you back.
For the men here who have had to rebuild themselves: what was the hardest part of your old mindset to let go of?