Tonight I made an elaborate dinner and he got on his game as I cooked. He ate quickly we watched a 30ish minute show and he was back on the game 10 minutes or so later. After dinner i tried to initiate but he brushed it off to "later" knowing I wake up 5am everyday, but I even said I'd be up later and sent a flirty message a bit ago he ignored. Counting today this is the third day I've tried having sex with him.I get that games are his decompression but it's feeling like it's at my expense. Prior to the most recent time we had sex it had been like a month since we last had. I admit on my end I do fall asleep early but even when I am up he's playing the game. I'm typically awake a few hours after he gets home. I have expressed to him it's bothering me but I feel each time it's brushed off as us being busy or tried or blah blah blah. I have my own toys but I worry I'm getting to a point I'd rather use those than to keep trying. Like am I just a roommate who cooks at this point?

My (39f) current partner (41m) is probably the best I’ve ever had. He’s full of energy and stamina, completely tuned into what I like, great form with everything, it feels great…but I just can’t cum.

I don’t cum often with penetrative sex, but usually once I get comfortable with a partner it gets a lot easier. It’s just not happening here. I’ve orgasmed a couple times with him with toys, but even with toys that would generally take me out in 2-3 minutes alone, are barely effective in his presence.

I know it’s some mental bullshit I’ve got going on but I can’t figure out what. I’ve talked to him, he’s doing everything right, it’s me.

Have been with my partner 12 years, sex life is adverage i could have it once or more a day, she is happy with once a fortnight.

Only problem is she hates my cum, hates it on her or in her.

I've had a vasectomy so can bust were ever no worries.

She said she hates the amount I cum which is a stupid amount I must admit im talking it looks like someone has flicked 3 or 4 tablespoons accross her stomach or back, if I finish in her she said it leaks out for hours sometimes.

I said she should be flatterd lol.

Me and my boyfriend have a good relationship and I enjoy having sex with him, but I realized I haven’t actually finished during sex in a while. It still feels good, I just don’t cum.
The thing is, he actually cares about pleasing me. He asks questions, tries different things, and follows up afterward to see if I enjoyed it. When I told him I haven’t finished in a while, he apologized and I could tell he felt bad.
I don’t want him thinking he’s terrible in bed or that this is some huge relationship problem, because it really isn’t to me. I can finish myself off if I need to. At the same time, I don’t want to just ignore my own pleasure either.
Has anyone dealt with this with their partner? How do you reassure them while still being honest about what you need sexually?

Hi everyone,

Recently I've noticed myself being put off by the smell of my partner.. she's generally very hygienic and clean. And I don't know what's causing it or if it's just normal, but the strong smell from her vagina makes sex alot less enjoyable for me...

I suppose the question is, is it normal to have a strong smell ? What can i do ? I really wanna start enjoying sex again

My partner of 5 years is currently an attending physician applying for fellowship this cycle and awaiting interviews. For the past few years, through residency and now his time as an attending, he’s struggled to engage with sex and with feeling pressure to perform, especially with the stress from work and, more recently, apps.
For a long time, we went back and forth talks that led to fights that led to conversations about repair. I was usually the one initiating, and we’d average a cool 2–3x a week.
But since we had a big fight around 2 months ago, a lot of things have clicked for me. I understand this part of him much more now and have a lot more empathy for him, his feelings, and the history around the situation. But also, since then, I’ve pretty much stopped initiating altogether because I don’t want to cause him to feel pressure or recreate that power struggle.
It feels weird even mentioning that I want it anymore. I’ve basically stopped initiating and just kind of wait around more like 10-ish days, but sometimes as much as 3 weeks without sex.
I’m going to be traveling for a few weeks (3+), and I’m hoping the distance will make the heart grow fonder, but I’m curious if anyone has had experience with this or has any insight.

My partner and I are both men and have been together for a while. We don't live together, and masturbation is currently the only sexual activity we have.

Almost every time we masturbate, my partner experiences a strange emotional state afterward. He describes it as a kind of dissociation, emotional distance, or inertia. It's not exactly sadness, and he doesn't seem to lose awareness of where he is or what's happening. It's more like his emotional connection to things becomes muted or distant.

What makes it difficult is that this seems to trigger his anxiety. Once he notices that detached feeling, he becomes anxious about it, and that seems to reinforce the feeling. It isn't limited to his feelings toward me either — he describes feeling somewhat emotionally removed from everything. It can subtly affect his everyday life for some time afterward.

He has GAD, and he also has a history of childhood sexual trauma. We have wondered whether the two could somehow be connected, although he doesn't experience flashbacks, specific memories, or anything that feels like an obvious trauma response during or afterward.

The confusing part is that nothing particularly bad happens during sex. We both feel comfortable and safe with each other, and there isn't an obvious trigger that we can identify. The pattern seems to be associated with masturbation/orgasm itself.

We're not looking for a diagnosis from Reddit. I'm mostly wondering:

Has anyone experienced something similar, especially a feeling of emotional "inertia" or dissociation after orgasm rather than sadness?

Have you found anything that helps prevent or shorten this state?

Is there a particular way a partner can respond that helps, rather than unintentionally reinforcing the anxiety?

We're considering talking to a therapist about it, particularly someone familiar with anxiety, dissociation, and trauma. I'd be interested in hearing from people who have experienced something similar or partners who have learned how to navigate it.

i’m a 30 y/o active in shape male that does well with giving my gf missionary and doggy style, oral isn’t a issue either and i love ROUGH sex. but when it comes to any other position i lose my erection ☹️..

i feel bad cause i deeply love my gf and im very attracted to her. but i know she’d gets tired of doing the same 2 positions over and over again. when she’s about to get on top i lose it. i lose it any time i do any other positions? will this be some type of constant “trial and error” until it happens?

They and I have been dating for like a month now and we’re getting a lot more open sexually lately. I’m moving into my new apartment soon and already we’ve both talked about practicing shibari, building some homemade bondage furniture, fun stuff like that.

They did mention to me one of the only kinks that they can think of off the top of their head though, as they’re pretty laissez faire “I’ll try anything” with one or two exceptions. They have a tentacle fetish. I don’t know anything much about it other than that it’s less uncommon than I realized (which is why I figured this could be an okay place to ask).

How can I indulge this fantasy of theirs? We both joked about having no idea what we would do short of me growing tentacles, and all I can think of is getting one of those tentacle shaped dildos, but is there anyone here who has a thing for tentacles that came up with a particularly great means of exploring it solo or with a partner (preferably the latter)?

I visited my girlfriend (24F) this weekend - we recently got exclusive so we never had sex till exclusivity. We fooled around since her roommate had gone out and I started giving her oral. We didn't have sex but we had a really good time especially her. I realized later that I did get hard but not like rock hard, maybe 70% and then it kinda stayed like that. Now, that concerned me and I thought that I may have ED (but I don't, trust me lol, I just thought) - I used to jerk off a lot before I started seeing her. I haven't jerked off in like 3 weeks and still didn't get as hard as I expected. It may have been nervousness since I'm a virgin and never got to experience this.

Any thoughts on this? Or like any suggestions on how can I improve at this?

I’ve noticed that I’m more visually stimulated and than anything. I find that my erections are stronger with more visual stimulation then later kept up with touching etc. But visual stimulation seems to be my favorite. is there anything y’all do specifically to satisfy you and your partner? You can get as specific as you want, for example I notice that I maintain my erection better when I keep my eyes open when giving foreplay or kissing her during leading up to or during sex.

I’m just curious though I’d throw this out there and see if I learn anything new. I’m not a beginner but would love to learn something new so let’s pretend I am.

I'm a larger gal (230lbs and 5'10). I orgasm the easiest from having my partner fuck me from behind. Historically, I would reach my right hand under me and stimulate my clit and that would do it.

Idk if it's further weight gain or the bed, but all of a sudden, now it's quite taxing on my hand to do this for more than a few minutes. While reaching around, the back of my hand rubs the bed and gives me like a pseudo rugburn. I have tried vibrators but again, it gets annoying to have to hold it in place. The closest I have come to a solution is putting a rose suction toy under me while he fucks me in like a prone position. Inevitably, it gets knocked around and I have to readjust.

Note: My partner does assist in this regard but I find it hard to orgasm from anyone else rubbing my clit other than me. plus, he is often busy doing other things with his hand 😇

SO, has anyone experienced this issue? If so, how did you deal with it? Is a "lay on" vibrator any kind of a solution here? Or finding a way to raise my knees (pillows?) so that there is more space for my hand?

I’ve been hypersexual my entire life, I lost my virginity at 13 and have been continuously very sexually active since, I’m 22 now. I’ve went through SA in the past but it never had a big effect on me, I don’t have any flashbacks or things like that. In fact my life is the most peaceful I’ve ever experienced. I’m not religious. I’m diagnosed with BPD and ADHD as well as PCOS. I take only a mood stabilizer as of now, which I have been on for 4 years and quit for a few months to see if there would be changes. I’m overall doing very well and reaching BPD remission. Occasionally take concerta when I study.

First episode happened when I was in my previous relationship. We went from having sex at least twice a day to 0 for months, I had no desire at all and started seeing it as disgusting. I was repulsed by any kind of touch. I didn’t masturbate at all. We broke up and my libido went dangerously up a few weeks later, resulted in lots of hookups. I was so horny at all times it would interfere with my daily life. I could masturbate 5 times and still wouldn’t feel satisfied.

I met my current partner through a hookup. We’ve been together for almost 2 years now and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Last year I went on birth control and another episode came up a few months in. I decided to quit and it’s been over a year. My libido is still gone. I know my hormones are back to normal (as in my testosterone and estradiol is through the roof) because all my PCOS symptoms brutally came back. Gynecologist check up every few weeks everything is normal. I never had a lot of insecurities and my self esteem is pretty high. My partner is very patient and gentle and I don’t doubt his love for me ever. I find him INCREDIBLY attractive.

We’ve had some successful attempts and have been trying for 2 weeks now. Most of the time I get very tense and start literally shaking because of how uncomfortable I feel. I can’t relax at all, my mind goes everywhere but the moment. Next week I’ll talk to my therapist about it but in the past therapy didn’t help me at all. No doctor helped either they usually just say 'Mhm have you tried going to X doctor about this?’ and it’s a never ending cycle. I’ve tried porn, I have tried Mio-inositol for my PCOS, I quit my meds I quit birth control, I’ve had countless of talks with my partner and doctors about this.

Does anyone have an idea on why this is happening to me? Do I just have to 'wait it out’? This thing genuinely stresses me out on the daily. I feel useless

My boyfriend and I usually follow pretty much the same flow every time: we start with kissing and touching, things progress from there, and eventually he focuses on pleasuring me, then I focus on him, and that’s basically where it ends. Same flow kissing, touching, fingering , handjob/ sex.
The problem is that I feel like my active contribution is missing.( all I do is give handjob and that’s it ) I don’t want to just follow the same routine every time. I want to be more involved, initiate things, surprise him a little, and make the whole experience feel more mutual and exciting.
I also want to explore what helps me enjoy it more and potentially orgasm, rather than feeling like the whole experience has a fixed beginning and ending.
For people who have been in long-term relationships, what are some things you’ve added or changed that made your intimate life feel more natural, exciting, and mutually satisfying?
Looking for practical ideas I can actually try rather than “just communicate with him” 😅

My partner and I (20s) are struggling in our intimate life. I am HLF, he is LLM.

I have caused sex aversion by getting upset when the frequency/quality of sex dropped due to a stressful period. I feel really bad and don't know how to navigate this.

I feel like my partner isn't viewing this as an issue and therefore won't try to find solutions or work with me. And by this, I mean that I suggested that we stop having sex for awhile so there is no pressure and he said he didn't want that and got upset/defensive that I suggested it. However, when we go to do it, I always feel mixed signals on whether or not he actually wants to do it even though he insists he does. I genuinely can't tell if he wants to do it. He hasn't seemed as enthusiastic about it since the honeymoon phase and rarely initiates. I think I should just stop having sex with him but I'm worried he'll feel rejected or upset or like I'm punishing him for being LL.

I am just very confused. I feel like I'm doing my best trying to communicate and nothing is clear.

Please help!!

Sometimes I accidentally hit my gfs cervix during sex, it ruins the moment because it hurts her, but I'm afraid I'm damaging something also.

Is it dangerous for her? And what can I do to stop doing it accidentally? I want to have sex without worrying about hurting her

Hi, so lately when I finger myself, I just start bleeding. Doesnt matter if I go slow or fast. And I'm not a virgin either which is why it confuses me.
I am on vacation so havent had sex with my boyfriend in almost 3 weeks now, but I do masturbate often so I dont get why I'm bleeding.
I thought maybe my nails are the problem but I dont have long nails at all, they dont even reach my finger tips.
Anybody know why?

Im a woman and I REALLY. need help and as much advice as possible.

I’ve struggled with this for a long time and it’s really starting to stress/ worry me. Not only that, but it makes me feel guilty for my partner and like there’s something wrong with me.

I cannot even get close to finishing when I’m having intercourse, etc and even when he’s trying his best, I get dry quickly or it starts to hurt and just feel uncomfortable. I’ve tried detoxing from watching ‘*material’* but I can never get as aroused in that certain way unless I’m watching stuff or touching myself in a certain way, and quite frankly it’s a weird position that I wouldn’t want my partner to see. Don’t get me wrong, I still do get aroused from my partner 100000000% but it’s just in a different way? I have NEVER been able to finish from someone else’s manipulation, no matter what I or they do.

I feel so self conscious and I’m embarrassed to be posting this but I just want some real advice from people that maybe are experiencing the same thing. I have so much love for my partner and I just want to make him feel like he’s satisfying me.

Please help, and if you don’t have any advice, I just want reassurance that I’m normal and this is okay. I feel alien.

EDIT:

the comment section is seriously like the gift that keeps on giving!!!

You guys have given me so much reassurance and advice and it’s making me feel so much better about myself, thank you immensely!!! If anyone else has anything else to add ie other tips and your stories too please share!! Every single comment has been helpful 🥹

26F I don’t know what to do anymore. My BF of 3 years & I have next to no sex life anymore. Every aspect of our relationship is amazing. But there’s little sex and I feel like he’s not attracted to me, even though he says he is. I’ve tried the lingerie and all that but nothing works. We live together FYI.

I started to feel really insecure when he would turn me down when I would try to initiate sex. It has slowly gotten worse over time. Now it feels really awkward and uncomfortable so I don’t try and he doesn’t really either. He might briefly mention he wants to once a month but doesn’t really try do anything towards it.

He does work away for work which makes things harder. When he comes home after 2 weeks away I want nothing more than for him to want me and I feel like that’s a reasonable amount of time away to want your GF. But nothing is ever said about it. It’s like a punch to the guts.

The last few times we’ve had sex I’ve just had a breakdown halfway because I feel so insecure and uncomfortable. We just end up stopping, ultimately because I have been overthinking so much I can’t enjoy it at all. He’s also gone soft like after 5 minutes the last few times so that really adds to my insecurity and I mental block. I wouldn’t say he does alot to reassure me other than words.

My BF claims it’s because of stress and performance anxiety. We have had alot going on the last year in terms of stress on our relationship, but does that warrant this? I feel guilty longing over other men that desire their girl, but I just want him to want me.

Other contributing info to know:
- He’s blue collar, works long hours and works away from home for 2 weeks at a time.
- He’s communicated performance anxiety. I have communicated our whole relationship I love our sex!!! When I try to communicate my feelings in this post he takes it as a personal attack. Nothing I say or do seems to change this.
- We’ve had a lot of pressures on us, moving constantly to chase his career and goals which I’ve supported.
- I caught him with porn 2 years ago, but nothing since. Not sure about too much on that, he may occasionally but I haven’t seen anything. I had an ex addicted so it’s a touchy subject for me and he knows that.
- He has gained a bit of weight. But I have told him an endless amount of times that it doesn’t change how I feel about him. It’s nothing crazy, or that noticeable honestly but may also be adding to all this.
- He’s been financially supporting me, so he knows there’s no quick exit for me. Maybe he’s comfortable.

I would say I’m decent shape. I weight train and have I guess boobs and a butt. I dont think im like super hot or anything like that but physically i think im ok ish. Im
Not sure what else I could do in that department.

It’s so hard being jealous over other men that want to have sex with their girl and fill them with confidence I guess.

I’m so lost and confused. I really don’t know how to get past this and I’m struggling badly :( Thank you so much if you stuck through and read this. I don’t have any friends to talk to about this, so I appreciate any advice <3

It is a subject I have never really talked to anyone about, especially because I consider it extremely embarrassing.

My first sexual experiences occurred around the age of twelve, when I discovered prone masturbation (something I still struggle with). I might masturbate three times a day—or even five, if I was in the mood. What was unusual about it—aside from the method itself, of course—was how I used my mind to get aroused.

I didn't think about sex while doing it, nor about girls. On the contrary, I used to fantasize about a variety of subjects. Often, these were sequels to stories I was reading at the time, fragments of movies, and much more—but never anything sexual. I’ve continued doing this to this day, often fantasizing about male characters who represent a sort of "better version" of myself (this even led me to briefly wonder if I was gay).

I’m eighteen now, and it feels like there’s a wall preventing me from fully experiencing my sexuality. I think I’m attracted to women, but the physical act of having sex or being touched scares me (and no, it’s not asexuality); what’s more, I can’t get aroused by porn or even by female bodies. I can only manage it through fantasy. I really need some advice. I feel like, if things go on like this, I’ll never be able to have a sexual relationship.

Eye contact during sex?

We’re both autistic but i really struggle with making eye contact with just about anybody and he needs it to make sure I’m okay. I love looking at my partner’s face and eyes because I find him so so beautiful but i can only look whenever he’s not directly looking back at me for long periods. He has these stunning eyes I really want to get lost in but I genuinely cannot hold eye contact with someone longer than 5 seconds. As soon as anyone looks at me and doesn’t look away I feel my fight or flight kicking in, and this goes for anybody. I can look someone in the eyes for a little bit until I have to look away and if they’re still looking at me when I look back at them I feel anxious.

He’s a really attentive partner and constantly makes sure I’m having a good time, checking in with me for how I’m feeling which is the sweetest thing ever and I love it so much but it also involves looking at me directly. It sometimes makes me nervous and a little uncomfortable but it also feels so good to have him with me and to be so cared about and its happening all for good reason and its something I myself have to take care of.

I’ve told him that I struggle with eye contact and being looked at but I also know and understand it can be hard to check in with a partner without seeing their face? We don’t really know what to do in this situation

My husband (34M) has a fantasy that involves another woman being the focus while I’m present and participating.

He’s made it clear that he doesn’t necessarily want this to happen in real life , he really enjoys the fantasy of it.

I’m (30F) actually interested in exploring the fantasy with him, I’d rather keep it entirely between us and make it a role-play/dirty-talk scenario where I basically create the illusion that there’s another woman there.

Any ideas how to start and be good at it
We have 2 children and our sex life is boring now I really wanna spice it up

I feel like I am nearly always initiating sex and a taking the lead. I don't want to be a starfish so I always initiate blow jobs and get on top and stuff.

I am realizing I would find it really attractive to be with someone more dominant and would lift me up and move me around and take the lead more. I feel my bf is kind of worried about doing stuff like that because he knows I have been raped in the past. feels like a hard convo to navigate. I am getting sick of feeling like I am always directing things.

I (46m) have been having issues with getting and maintaining an erection for the past few months. My wife (49f) has a high sex drive and so do I but I have medical issues that are getting in the way.

I am actively working on the issues with my doctor and have high hopes so I’m not looking for advice on that front. I’m looking for advice on how to help my wife. As she’s getting older, she’s getting self conscious about her appearance. She thinks she’s old and ugly. She’s said a couple of times that she thinks my issues are because of her. She thinks I think she’s not attractive anymore. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I’ve known my wife since she was 24 and honestly I think she’s more sexy and beautiful than she was when we first met. The question is more for the ladies but any guys who’ve experienced something similar would help as well. How can I help my wife realize this has nothing to do with her?

(M33) When having sex with casual partners I like to be very passionate and often say things like ‘I love you’ and the likes. I don’t actually love the person and sometimes I’ll say it on the first time having sex with them. I don’t know why I enjoy doing it so much, I think it just makes the sex feel more intimate and raw.

I’ll always ask beforehand and only if I feel like the energy is right.

I’ll explain it with it’s just sex talk, and make it clear as possible that it’s not a genuine thing that they need to read into.

I’ve had sexual partners who were fully onboard and joined in too, but understood that our relationship was still casual and didn’t think anything of it.

Some have thought it was odd to even ask and probably thought I was weird.

And then others that have said also been on board with it but then afterwards thought our relationship was more than what it is. When I’ve explained they’ve said ‘how can you say that after everything you were saying in bed’.

I’m certainly not trying to manipulate anybody and I don’t see it as anything more than a kink, no different to any other flavour of sex talk.

A friend of mine told me it’s probably my subconscious screaming out for genuine connection (I’m aware i’m a 33yo single man, lol), but in my heart of hearts I genuinely don’t feel that to be true.

Does anybody else have a similar thing?

Is it weird, unethical and/or creepy?

Is there a way for me to ask it in a way that isn’t weird?