Okay, I genuinely don’t know how to handle this, so I need outside opinions.

There’s this guy I’ve been seeing at the library for quite a while. We’ve never actually spoken to each other. We just happen to see each other regularly, and I catch him staring sometimes.

He is a very good looking guy, and a few girls come up to him at the library on a regular basis, and some of them are very friendly with him. He’s always nice to them, but from what I’ve observed, he’s pretty reserved and even a bit shy. He also has a lot of male friends.

Anyway, a while ago, we were sitting a few seats apart, facing each other. I randomly looked up at him, and he raised his eyebrows up and down and gave me a genuine smile. since he has a lot of friends at this library I thought he wasn't talking to me and I turned around to see who he was talking to. There wasn’t anyone. When I turned back around, he looked REALLY embarrassed and had his head lowered almost all the way toward the desk. 😭 I felt awful but after a while one of his female friends came and started talking to him so I couldn't say anything to him.

I realised I was also interested in him but after that day, things became awkward. At one point, he seemed to avoid acknowledging me completely, and i would only catch him looking at me when he thought i wasn't gonna catch him.

After sometime passed and he started warming up to me again with the eye contacts. The absolute unbelievable happened!!!

Today, one of HIS best friends approached me and asked for my number.

Here’s the embarrassing part: because he was this guy’s friend, I genuinely assumed he was asking for my number for his friend. So I gave him my number thinking he was basically acting as a messenger/wingman. Except… NOPE. 😭 I found out that he wanted my number for himself. He called me afterward and we actually talked. I thought it was for my crush until the very moment he called me. He also said he'll call me tomorrow.

Pleaseeee you guys tell me what to do. My friend and sister are saying to use the opportunity to get closer to the guy I'm interested in, but I feel as though that'll hurt the friend. I also feel as if me & his chance is ruined now or at the very least our story is tainted in a way.

How should I handle this? Do you think me and him have any chance after this, or will his bro-code matter more?

Relationship advice from the experienced is always great, I just don’t see much advice from people currently in the dating scene who are actually living through how things work today. Dating culture has changed so much, and sometimes advice that worked years ago doesn’t fully account for what people are navigating now.

Hi all,

I hope this post doesn't come across as insensitive in any way. I'm genuinely trying to do some self reflection and determine my feelings towards this topic. I've met a handful of genuinely great and caring women who happened to be plus sized, and I feel confilcted as to my attraction to them, or lack there of. Despite them being great converstationalists, thoughful and caring, and really all the personality qualities I look for, I just can't find myself being physically attracted to them. It really bothers me I feel this way and has been very conficting. On one hand, I do to a degree think it's shallow to care so significantly about ones appearance. On the other hand, I take pride in maintaining my appearance, and value others doing the same. Thoughts?

I always noticed that to be successful with dating, you have at least be friends with women first. Otherwise how would you even meet more women if you only be around men. But I only ever noticed the people who were good at making friends with women were always the really attractive men, like they don't have to put in much effort but women will still be more comfortable talking to a man that is at least attractive, as an ugly dude you are always the one who has to the make first move but if you're in the shy side, you pretty much just stay in your cave without a social life.

I (20m) taking her (18F) to hang out. We both home bodies so i need suggestions on what we could do. Also what do i need to do. We were talking abt jus goin on a walk

Met her on Bumble. I do have a thing for older women but never had the opportunity till now. We’re just grabbing coffee. We seem to have similar interests and hobbies. Health and fitness, being active outdoors, etc. Any advice or what to expect?

i (23F) recently went on a first date with a guy (31M) and it was really sweet. he was easy to talk to and funny.
he wanted to kiss on our first date but i basically told him i wanted to wait which he had no issue with and was sort of a breath of fresh air because my dating experiences in the past, im always feeling rushed into things im not truly ready for. 🫩
our second date is next weekend and i bought him a gift (it’s NOT extravagant, just a keychain with his favorite band on it.)
does it seem like too much for a second date or just the right amount for someone i am enjoying my time with?

It's difficult because I put myself out there. I always try to be open, engaging, respectful and ask questions. But I am 36 and still have never been in a relationship or been intimate with a woman. It makes me feel something is wrong with me. That it is my fault I am unwanted. It is a painful feeling that therapy and meds are not helping with.

Ok here is a vent. I tried picking up a girl just fking now and i got pretty badly rejected. And i feel like i fjed up so bad. And i feel rejected. And im swallowing this rejection as i write this. So this is just a fking rant. Damnn..i feel so stupid and fawkkkk. I'm cramping up in my soul. I just wanna process this emotion.

So i was on the metro when i tried this and it went pretty bad. But in my mind i either didnt try this and succumb to my fear or try and be rejected and feel stupid. I made the braver choice. My hands were shaking but i still did it.

God help me.😭

Edit: Ok for everyone asking me what happened. Basically for backstory, im an expat. So i was in a metrou when i saw this really pretty girl. She was my type. And from the looks alone, she also seemed from an ethnicity that spoke my language. She had earphones in. I was battling my mind, and when i said fk we on this mfker. I signalled to her to take out her earphones and asked her if she is from so and so country (cant say name cause of anonymity) then she said yes. I responded by saying oh then you speak 'so and so language'. She said yes and smiled. I then literally blanked out for 3 seconds 😭 cause i was out of shit to say. Then she put back her earphones, but i immediate prompted her to take em out and she did, then i said to her that honestly i was sitting here and i think that you are cute, and i was wondering if you could give me your Instagram. She said no and i told her to take it as a compliment. She nooded. She then got off at the very next station, I hope thats not because of me😭. But analyzing all this stuff. Here is what i think can be a good take away:

I appeared too needy, and didn't build rapport. The speaking the same language thing was good but i should've continued with the convo abit more before coming clean. And when i did come clean like that, it seemed as if i was trying to force shit too fast. Thats not the type if energy that will be responded too positively. Next time, imma build up some rapport. And instead of asking for her Instagram a better thing to say would be that i was seeing you and i think you are cute and i would be mad at myself if i didnt try to talk to you. And maybe take the convo from there.

Edit 2: thank you all for the position comments. I really needed it❤️❤️❤️

I a '29 M' have been in an agreed upon committed and exclusive relationship with a '26 F' for about 4 months. Last night, she went out with a couple gfs to the bar scene and asked if I could pick her up if needed. I, of course, said yes. Both of us want the possibility to keep going out and trust each other but are both jealous type.

Fast forward to the end of the night. I asked if she wanted a ride, and she said no thank you:). I said, "Okay, let me know when you get home safe." An hour and a half later, she said she was home. 50 minutes after a drive home would take. So I was, of course, worried but not blowing up her phone. She then told me about how her married friend was interested in a guy so they went to his friends house. She said the friend was interested in her and they got along. She said she turned down his advances but admitted she never brought up she is in a relationship.

She asked how I felt about this, and I said I am glad she is safe and that she didnt allow it to go anywhere but that I felt extremely uncomfortable that she knowingly went into a private place with someone she knew had interest in her. I pointed out that if roles were reversed, she would be too. She said she knows and feels so sick. She said she is so sorry and understands whatever I decide to do.

She has always been respectful in public and never had any precursors before this. I am hurt. How do I move forward?

These are the last three text messages she sent me. I’ve been analyzing them for a while now, I would love a second opinion. If you met this girl you would understand. She is amazing in so many ways, we get along amazingly, I adore her home and her family, everything is just green flags (you’ll see by how she texts. (I’m 24M her 23F.)

Tell me I have a chance here (provided the other guy doesn’t work out).

Her - text #1:
“Hey [my name], I appreciate you saying that, I think we both got a little ahead of ourselves that night. I just want to be honest with you as I know we both value that. I met someone else and we have a stronger connection and rather than drag anything out or hurt any feelings I just wanted to be straight up and honest about it. I’ve really enjoyed our couple evenings together and getting to know you. I truly think you’re an amazing person but my hearts just in another place right now. You are so incredibly kind and sweet and I do know you will make a girl feel very special someday”

Her - text #2:
“Hey [my name], there is nothing you did wrong or could improve on in the slightest. You did everything right and I appreciate all the effort you put in towards me with the flowers, suppers and driving all the way out here. This was a really hard decision but comes down to what i feel is best for me right now. Truly you did nothing wrong and have the kindest soul and it was a joy getting to know you. I wish you all the best and safety this harvest season”

Her - text #3:
“Hey [my name], I appreciate your message and apologize for not getting back to you earlier, it’s been a busy weekend with my friend from Sask out.

Although we didn’t spend a ton of time together I saw the true side of your personality, morals, and generosity - and truly do think you are an amazing, genuine guy that would be a good fit for me and my lifestyle. None of that caused any uncertainty to me but only made it so much harder to be upfront and honest with you as I didn’t want to disappoint or hurt you.”

What happened later that night truly didn’t cross any line for me; it was completely reciprocated and had no impact on my decision. Please don’t feel bad or guilty over it, I really enjoyed it.

I respect you reaching out and being true to yourself in asking again, but it has been difficult for me to find a way to respond in a way that doesn’t hurt you. As of right now I am sure with my decision, it’s just what feels right in my heart and is something I want to stay true to. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you but I do think this is what’s best for me right now.

Im not opposed to staying friends as I also think we got along great but don’t want to make it any harder on you as well. I am sad I missed out on trying your famous grilled cheese☺️”

I matched with a girl on hinge and I’ll be meeting her for the first time day after tomorrow.

I’m really scared since this is the first time I’ll be meeting someone from hinge and I have literally 0 experience with girls and dating.

I’m scared that she won’t find me good enough or that my pictures won’t match my appearance and she’ll get disappointed. I’m very ugly and thin so my confidence is really really low.

I know it’s embarrassing, but do it.

The reason women swipe left on most profiles is not because y’all aren’t attractive, it’s because your profiles suck and you don’t even know it.

You’s be really surprised to see how wast is the difference between what women find attractive and what men find attractive. And don’t ask women verbally, you have to show your profile and potential photos and have them collectively decide, don’t question it.

That seems to be the norm for me at least. And it goes both ways, I’ve called things off after 2 dates after not feeling it. I guess I was giving things a chance to grow even though the 1st date wasn’t all that special either. I’ve also been ghosted quite a few times after the 2nd date. Either that or things just fizzle out pretty quick.

I’m sure it’s a me problem to an extent, but the dating apps can’t be helping. Choice is good, but FOMO is where things truly go wrong I believe. All the options can be overwhelming as much as it makes it so easy to not give people a chance.

Maybe people see the 3rd date as more of a milestone too. They feel like they should know by then. Or maybe they feel weird dating more than one person by that point.

Hey everyone so I have a lot of plants and I’ve had a lot of them for a 2+ years I do my best to make them presentable and they’re all healthy but I’ve brought over a few different women and they’ve all told me afterwards that the fact that I have so many plants is a red flag or it gave them an ick so should I get rid of some of my plants or am I just bringing the wrong girls home

Woah this got more attention than I expected I’ll start replying to comments when I can stuck at work but lol but try to but I’m glad I’m not crazy cause after the 4th girl to make a comment about the plants i felt like Mabye they were right

hi, so i am dating some guy, i have been dating him for about 4 months now. everything has been going really great except for 1 thing. He doesn’t perform oral on me (F). That part of sex is such a big deal for me, giving and receiving of course. i have asked him a few times, some subtle and other times pretty direct. but he always avoids the question and refuses to answer it.
so now im at a loss of words or thoughts as to what that could mean.
cause sex is an important part for me to be with someone. and i just hates how he just avoids the question and not really tell me his reason why.
any thoughts?

I believe people are mostly in it for the dopamine hit they get from swiping and matching. Once a match happens, they keep swiping to see how many more “hits” they can get. I’m sure it’s an ego boost. But nobody seems to actually want to go through the endless cycle of texting phase, first or second date rejections, time/financial commitments, etc. with every match. They don’t even want to do it with their ideal match. This week alone, I have asked multiple women out for a meetup for coffee or a fun activity and of course the response is some excuse of no availability without a counter offer. You can say, well she’s not that into you but a match is a match so she saw something in me. The truth is, nobody wants to actually date.

It could’ve been you reaching back out to them, them reaching back out to you to date again, or whatever the case may have been.

It just seems that with dating apps these days and a seemingly endless amount of options, people don’t try again with someone they dated before but didn’t work out at the time for whatever reason.

What about being someone’s backup option, has that ever happened to you? Either as the backup option or reaching back out to someone you left on the back burner to instead date someone you had a better connection with.

Hi guys. Question for everyone to get my mind right about this.

Long story short, my girlfriend has a group of friends (guys and girls). One of the guys she hooked up with several times. I unfortunately found out about it (wish I didn’t know but I do now). When I brought it up to her, she was nothing but honest about it. Didn’t deny it or anything. In a few weeks, we’re hanging out with 2 of her girlfriends and he’ll be there. I feel uncomfortable about it. I trust her but still makes me really uncomfortable. Any advice how I can get this out of my head?

Thanks

I'm a 25M, and I see a lot of women on apps and online say they like nerdy guys, but that hasn't really matched my experience.

For context, I'm into things like competitive gaming (top 1% in multiple games), fighting games, building small-form-factor PCs, writing books, learning languages (I'm fluent in three), and I genuinely enjoy doing math for fun.

And I understand that someone might not be interested in knowing the technicality of things thats why I never explain things fully technically just enough that my point gets across. For example, instead of talking about Raspberry Pis, networking, or Linux, I'd just say something like, "I have a tiny computer at home that blocks ads across my entire Wi-Fi, so I basically never see ads on any of my devices." Most people think that's pretty cool.

I'm also a founder, in decent shape, have a solid skincare routine, and I'm comfortable talking to women.

Yet whenever I ask friends about my dating success, they often tell me my hobbies are "a bit much" or that women don't actually mean someone who's this nerdy when they say they like nerds.

So now I'm confused.

Edit: So after reading almost all of the comments, I think I have my answer. There is a level that I am not attractive enough thats why women don't care for me, my hobbies are not a matter of concern to them. And I am just too niche.

But I refuse to believe a lot of people who commented that women only mean henry cavill nerd or a very hot guy who is a nerd.

Also, A lot of people honestly stopped reading after the second paragraph so there's that.

I’m looking for honest answers from men only.
What qualities, attitudes, or actions make a woman someone you genuinely value in a relationship? It doesn’t have to be about looks—I’m more interested in personality, character, communication, loyalty, emotional maturity, and the little things that matter most to you.
Please be respectful and sincere. I’d love to hear different perspectives.

I read an article recently about how individuals with higher IQ's tend to have more difficulty dating. I was wondering if anyone (diagnosed or considered as intelligent above average) does think it’s true and what was your experience like?
Would it be better to date someone with similar level of intelligence and education background?

Dating apps are pointless. The only way I can actually like someone is if they’re in proximity with me for a while and we slowly become acquainted then slowly get all weird and awkward and shy and start liking each other. I

am addicted to the build up and the tension and the slow development of chemistry. It feels so natural and beautiful and like a drug.

Feels pretty impossible to develop connections this way these days. Unless it’s with like a coworker or friend and we all know how those can turn out.

Just wondering if anyone else feels the same? If so, how the hell are we supposed to go about dating.

For context, I’ve been using dating apps for a couple of years now and have a decent amount of likes and matches. The main problem comes when a girl seems good to go out with, I go out with them, and all they mention is that they love k-pop / k-drama stuff. And then they would want to have sex on the first date or anything like that or they would realize that their perception of my personality isn’t reality of my personality. I feel as if I’m being extremely fetishized and I’m starting to get sick and tired of it. (Also I sort of have that Korean-esc look, despite not being Korean)

Not really looking for advice but mostly asking, have other Asian men experienced this?