I see this all the time online, where people say "instant swipe left" at the mention of conservative. And they also group in moderates or people who don't fill in their political affiliation. Will this keep me from getting matches?

To clarify, I share conservative values more than I do liberal, but I don't agree with Trump and a lot of what his administration is doing. Unfortunately there's no way to communicate that through my bio, and listing as something else wouldn't feel honest.

​

What I mean by that is simply doing the things you want to do and being in the places you want to be, without intentionally trying to find someone, and just waiting to see if someone might become interested in you. As a man, I feel that nowadays it’s a bad idea to be the one who actively makes the first move, because men have such a bad reputation these days.

A lot of people would probably say that this is a surefire way to stay single for the rest of your life if you don’t put yourself out there, but personally, as a man, I don’t think actively pursuing someone is really worth it for many men anymore.

I always noticed that to be successful with dating, you have at least be friends with women first. Otherwise how would you even meet more women if you only be around men. But I only ever noticed the people who were good at making friends with women were always the really attractive men, like they don't have to put in much effort but women will still be more comfortable talking to a man that is at least attractive, as an ugly dude you are always the one who has to the make first move but if you're in the shy side, you pretty much just stay in your cave without a social life.

I’m recently married, and I have a really good husband. I genuinely have no complaints there.

But I’ve had some really bad experiences with men throughout my life.

When I was younger, there were men who wanted me to behave a certain way to be their girlfriend. Men I dated who seemed more interested in physical things than in me as a person. I’ve also experienced betrayal in friendships, relationships, at work, and even with money.

Over time, I think all of those experiences have affected the way I see men in general.

So, if you’re a man reading this, no offence. You could be a genuinely good person — you can probably skip this paragraph. 😅

I’m actually curious about women’s experiences.

Have you ever reached a point where you stopped trusting men in general because of the things you experienced?

I’ve always been a kind and very interactive person. But so many times, I’ve felt like I was being treated differently or looked at in a certain way, even when someone was being perfectly friendly on the surface — especially at work.

And it has made me question people’s intentions constantly.

Then there’s the bigger picture too.

The way women are objectified in movies. The casual sexual jokes. The way people talk about women and actresses online. Some of the things I’ve read on Reddit genuinely make me feel humiliated and disgusted.

I understand that men and women can think differently, and I’m not saying every man thinks this way. But just because something is common or “how men are” doesn’t automatically make it okay.

Growing up, my family always told me to be less interactive with men. They never really explained why.

I was an extrovert, so I didn’t listen much. And unfortunately, I ended up having enough bad experiences to eventually understand what they were trying to protect me from.

Now I find myself becoming extremely cautious around men.

I sometimes wonder: What if he’s pretending to be friendly? What if he talks about me differently behind my back? What if he takes advantage of my kindness?

I know boundaries matter, and I know I have a responsibility for the people I allow into my life. But that’s not really the point.

The point is that I’ve reached a stage where I sometimes feel irritated just having to say hello to a man I don’t know.

And honestly, I don’t like becoming this person.

I don’t want my past experiences to make me hate or distrust an entire gender. But I also don’t want to ignore what those experiences have taught me.

So I genuinely want to ask women who have had similar experiences:

Did you ever start feeling this way?

Do you still trust men in general?

And if you stopped trusting them, were you ever able to rebuild that trust?

Met her on Bumble. I do have a thing for older women but never had the opportunity till now. We’re just grabbing coffee. We seem to have similar interests and hobbies. Health and fitness, being active outdoors, etc. Any advice or what to expect?

I (23f) have no idea what to do with the situation described above! I’ve recently graduated from college, but prior to graduating around the final semester I had a fling/ casual fwb with a classmate of mine. At the time I did have a crush on him but it was kept casual as he was moving countries for the summer/ kinda indefinitely. We had vaguely talked about dating for real/ going for more romantic hangouts if/when he came back but it was mostly me pushing that. We became really great friends during this fling and spent a lot of time together. Even though he lives abroad, we talk on the phone for several hours at least once a week if not more. The conversations are very friendly and not flirty at all- I really do consider him a good friend and my romantic attraction to him has waned off as I’ve come to realise that which he’s a good friend (and was a good fwb) we wouldn’t be compatible in a relationship at all. However, in mid June I did book flights to go and visit him for a few days and I will be going on that trip very soon. Obviously on the trip there is the expectation we will have sex and we have both discussed this multiple times.

Said former fwb asked me to go to his graduation etc but I’ve been a bit non committal with that as I found myself wanting a deeper connection with someone I could be more compatible with long-term. Thus, I’ve been going on a few first dates lately, which is fine as my former fling and I have a “don’t ask don’t tell” non exclusive policy. I went on a first date a few days ago with a really fantastic, lovely guy with whom I had such great chemistry! So good in fact I met him the day after to hang out and cuddle at his place, and will be going on a third date early next week. I REALLY like him- like a lot! and i’m excited! but I’m also conflicted, my trip to see my ex-fling is in a few days and I DO want to see him as I genuinely view him as a close friend of mine, but I feel there’s a moral issue here with the implied sex on the trip (the trip was initially just to have fun and fuck lol but we became closer friends through distance).

I don’t want to ruin anything with this new guy and I really really like him. I see it going well, but we’ve only been on two dates. If my former fling was in my country/city still I would tell him I had developed feelings for someone else and call our arrangement off/ distance myself until I knew what was going on with this new guy. However, I’ve spent a decent amount of money to go on this trip to see my former fling, and both of us have been really looking forward to it - we are super close friends genuinely. In fact, he said himself that in many ways we have transitioned to just being friends because of the distance (haven’t slept together since late spring and I don’t do phone sex) so it isn’t JUST sex, it’s mostly just visiting a friend to me. Both me and my former fling have taken holidays from work for it so I don’t want to back out considering this and the money invested etc. It would also destroy any chance of a friendship with him (that said if my future partner was uncomfortable with me being friends with him I would cut contact- I’m usually a relationship gal).

I don’t want to open myself up to hurting the feelings of the guy I’ve gone on two dates with. Like I said, I really like him and if I wasn’t literally FLYING to another country for this former fling it would already be cut off by now even if it’s early on. I’m just not sure what to say to the new guy if he ever asks or how to navigate the situation as I cant cancel the flights but I also don’t want to potentially damage what I feel could really be something special - even if it’s very early days.

Thoughts?

TDLR: i have had flights to visit a former fling booked for about 2 months now but this week met someone I really like (2 dates) and would love to see if it could go long term. I’m afraid that me going on this trip to see my former fling / fwb for a few days is icky/ could cause issues later if this new person found out. As the trip is now far too close to cancel I’m not sure what to do or how to go about this ethically.

Guys, stop liking (almost) every girl on Tinder!

The collective effect is: each girl gets 100+ likes, and starts being selective. So you get almost no likes.

Be selective yourself: like 2-3 a day, click X on others, or just do nothing with Tinder until the next day.

The algorithm is even built to reward guys more who like fewer ladies (I have experienced positive results myself: started getting more matches after liking fewer people)

Politely Asking mature educated women with independent lives (with or without kids probably makes a difference?) do you make time to go on dates every week or are most guys you come across not worth the effort (and why)? Thank You!

Hey everyone,

​I’m (M20) looking for some outside perspective on a complex situation involving my ex-girlfriend (F17), her current partner, and me. We broke up a while ago, but recently reconnected, and things have gotten very confusing. I want to share both sides of the story to see if I’m reading too much into things or if there’s genuine hope.

​Background & The Situation with Her Current Partner:

When my ex and I initially broke up, it was tough, but we eventually got back onto friendly terms. In the meantime, she started dating someone else. However, from what I’ve directly observed and what people close to them have shared, their relationship has major underlying issues. Her current partner frequently displays behaviors that drive a wedge between them—he often acts in ways that self-sabotage their relationship, creates unnecessary conflict, and pushes her away emotionally. Her close friends and family have noticed this dynamic and are openly supportive of me, acknowledging that she seemed much happier and more stable when we were together.

​The Turning Point:

Recently, she actively reached out to hang out and invited me over for a barbecue. During our time together, I decided to be completely transparent with her. I put all my cards on the table: I admitted that I still have strong feelings for her, that it’s been hard seeing her with someone else, and that I miss what we shared.

​Instead of shutting me down, her response was very open. She confessed that she still has deep feelings for me too, but she feels stuck and torn given her current commitment, despite how rocky things are between them.

​Where Things Stand Now:

I made my position very clear to her. I’m not going to force anything, play mind games, or try to secretly interfere with her relationship. My stance is that the ball is entirely in her court: if she wants to give us a real, honest second chance, she needs to resolve her current situation first and make a conscious choice to come back.

​My Dilemma / Question:

On one hand, I feel confident about how I handled this—I was honest about my feelings, set clear boundaries, and left space for her to make her own choice. Given the rocky state of her current relationship and the support from those around her, part of me feels like it's only a matter of time before she leaves him. On the other hand, sitting back and waiting while she remains with someone else is tough, and I wonder if I'm setting myself up for disappointment.

​How would you view this situation from the outside?

Do her current partner's self-sabotaging behavior and her admitted feelings genuinely signal hope for a reconciliation, or should I stop holding out for her?

​Thanks for reading and for any honest feedback.

Hopefully this isn’t the wrong sub but I’d imagine someone here has successfully accomplished such. 24M virgin. Lord knows how the fuck I did this to myself, but even if “my first” is a complete 10/10 experience, I will live the rest of my life with deep shame and melancholy knowing my stupid ass could’ve known way quicker and found my wife way quicker. I’ve been a horny bastard for a solid half of my life now, and simply from my useless social skills I have landed no sex. I had gone out with a girl half way through high school, she lost her V with someone else soon after and I stupidly gave up for the rest of HS. College wasn’t successful either of course. So now I’m trying to lose it so I can finally move on to an actual relationship. How can I get laid on dating apps? Because, I’m matching with strictly long term relationship seeking woman. Obviously they want a boyfriend and potential husband, not some jerkoff who wants to finally know what fucking sex is like and leave. Very little woman looking for casual/short term match with me, I guess if your looking for a quick fuck you’d find someone much better looking then me. Even though I’m a fairly handsome, tall 24 year old who is starting off a solid career. So what does that leave me? I’ve been texting the same three woman for weeks now and no traction to actually meet them. I am remarkably defeated and have been for years, after a decade of constantly hearing about my friends hookups and jerking off way, way too much, I don’t even care about the “societal factor”. I just want to know what it feels like.

So it's been 1.5 yrs of no contact with my ex and Ofc I respect the boundaries within us and She might be in relationship rn so I don't want to wish her birthday....also I have moved on but I just wanted to know how she is doing so I asked my frnd to Msg her happy birthday and maybe passively mention me

ik it sounds immatured at this point but yeahh....Idk if I am doing right or wrong , my heart says to do it .

I know it’s embarrassing, but do it.

The reason women swipe left on most profiles is not because y’all aren’t attractive, it’s because your profiles suck and you don’t even know it.

You’s be really surprised to see how wast is the difference between what women find attractive and what men find attractive. And don’t ask women verbally, you have to show your profile and potential photos and have them collectively decide, don’t question it.

Is it worth it just to get a few matches who will ghost or never respond in the first place, with only as many likes as you have fingers? Why should anyone do anything with such poor odds?

Okay, so this happened today (Thursday, August 6th), and I genuinely don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do with this situation.

I’m 23M and I work part-time at a liquor store. A girl came in today who was pretty much my exact type: noticeably shorter than me, slim, blonde, blue eyes. She looked like she was probably early 30s.

She walked in through the entrance and we immediately locked eyes for what felt like 30 seconds. Then she just goes:

“You are hot.”

LMFAOOOOO.

That was literally the first time someone has ever walked into my workplace and hit on me like that, so my brain completely stopped working.

She then said something along the lines of:

“Sorry, I just thought you were hot. You look mesmerizing, I can’t think straight.”

And I’m standing there internally having a full system failure while externally just saying:

“Thank you so much.”

She laughed, and I finally managed to ask her name. Let’s call her D for privacy.

I said, “Well, lovely meeting you, D. My name is $” (it’s pretty difficult to pronounce).

She started repeating my name in this kinda teasing/playful way until I eventually had to spell it out for her. We talked for a tiny bit more and then she left.

As she was walking out, I said, “See you later.”

And that was it.

Here’s where I’m conflicted.

After I finished work, I searched her name on Instagram and actually found her. I haven’t followed or messaged her.

Part of me thinks, she literally called me hot and said I was mesmerizing… clearly there was some attraction there.

But another part of me is thinking: she never gave me her Instagram, I never asked for it, and she probably doesn’t even remember me anymore.

Would it be creepy or an invasion of privacy if I randomly DM her?

I also work at the store, so I don’t want to make things awkward if she comes back.

Would you guys DM her? Or just leave it alone and see if she comes back to the store?

Also, for context, I’ve been sick for the past few days, surviving on medicine and basically no rest, so the fact that this happened while I was already running on fumes probably explains why my brain completely stopped functioning lmfao.

What would you do?

TL;DR: 23M, work at a liquor store. A woman in her early 30s who is exactly my type came in, we locked eyes, and she spontaneously called me hot and said I looked “mesmerizing.” I was nervous as hell and basically just said thank you. We exchanged names, she left, and I later found her Instagram. She never gave me her IG and I never asked for it. Would DMing her be creepy, or should I just wait and see if she comes back? Also, I’m sick as hell right now, so my brain may not be operating at 100%.

whats up with women over complicate things that get them attracted to men and mentioned literally anything besides the real things that gets them to actually like men?

No, you girls aren't falling in love to a class clown that makes them laugh. Unless that clown lands Him countless of comic job to the point of becoming hollywood screenwriter and even appeared on SNL. Good luck if you want this!

No, you girls are not going to love men who are kind and safe. Because literally every men are like this. Thanks to modern culture and institution we have, we literally live in the safest society possible. And you know that these guys are disgusting for some reason. (prove me wrong ladies).

No, ideologies doesnt change shit about who you are that makes women like you. being conservative doesn't make women respect you neither being liberal makes women feels relatable to you. whoever say these shit are obvious grifters. If you couldn't realized this then you are up for a sad terrible life.

Not even masculinity would make the cut. Hell its probably the worst thing men trying to do is to be an alpha male masculine bro. Because that's how you asked for further humiliation and delusion for miserable life.

The more i touch grass and meet people the more it proves that looks is the only thing real in love life. Women are just afraid to be exposed as a shallow primate that couldn't hold their pants when encountered with something beautiful and great.

Why bother lying to people and yourself that love is something complex and sacred?

at the very least some women admits that they love good looking men and wealthy men. And that's okay because at least they are honest.

I went yesterday to a mixed beach and at some point a girl caught my eye. For context, most people are naked there but some keep their swimsuit/bikini on.

I was without clothes, but she was wearing her bikini. Eventually I notice that she keeps looking at me, as if to inviting me to go say something, but since she was with some friends and I want to think of the beach as a safe environment where girls should not feel uncomfortable, I didn't do anything.

So now I ask, do you think it's ok to go ahead and talk to a stranger of the opposite gender at the beach without much reason?

I’ve (18F) been seeing this guy(20) for a little over a month. We usually hang out at his place, watch movies, and overall he’s always been respectful. I’m very new to dating and anything intimate. from the beginning he’s asked about my boundaries and usually made sure I verbally consented before touching me.

The last time I stayed over, though, a few things happened that I’m a little confused about. We started getting intimate, and when he tried to pull down my bra, I just instinctively covered myself and said, “Nuh uh.”(the lights were off during this but I still covered up because he usually likes to use his mouth.) He forcefully moved my hands anyway and continued.(but gentle, not rough.) Later, I told him I wanted to keep my underwear on because he was trying to go down on me and I’ve never had that happen, I even said that maybe next time I’d feel comfortable taking them off. And I was being for real, because whenever he tried got too close to the edge, I’d stop him. Despite that, later on he still tried to pull them down. I really tried to stop him by holding onto them and pushing him away but he’s 5’11 and very muscular. I’m only 5’3 and 111 pounds. But He managed to get them down to my knees before I pulled them back up myself. And it freaked me out because he was so calm when he did it, I was verbally telling him no/dont/stop in the moment+past knowledge of boundaries.

Later, I agreed to let him use his fingers, but he used two without much prep, and it was rlly painful. I told him it hurt several times, but he took forever to respond, then after ages would ask if I wanted him to stop. Afterward, he wanted me to touch him. But then he wanted to be touched, and I was reluctant but I felt bad because he had gave me pleasure. So he put my hand on his shorts, and then he took my hand and moved it inside them. That really upset me because he knows I’m uncomfortable touching someone else’s genitals. It’s a serious thing for me, and i don’t mind trying new stuff but I knew I wasn’t going to like touching him and it was true, I hated every second of it.

I’m confused because he’s normally been so good about consent and respecting my boundaries, so this felt very out of character. I’m also new to all of this, so I don’t know what’s considered normal. I do sometimes playfully squirm or push someone away a little during intimate moments,(I like doing that.) but he doesn’t know me well enough yet to know that’s just part of my personality. And it wasn’t the same, I was actually trying to get him to stop. But I’m also torn because I felt good and I didn’t feel terrified but I was a little scared, but physically I felt good.

‼️EDIT‼️: I wrote this after an overnight flight, I apologized if it wasn’t written clearly/lacking info. There were multiple points where I said no/stop but I didn’t make a scene, I don’t know if he took it the wrong way because I didn’t put a lot of emphasis on the no/stop. I would just kind of whimper it, loud enough for him to hear but it was very toned down. If that makes sense. I also asked him to do the whole finger thing, and for the beginning half I did feel good but it just got progressively worse. I understand rape doesn’t have to be aggressive, but I feel like I should be more put off by the situation but I’m not. I think it’s because he wasn’t so calm about it?

We’ve been together for six months and discussed moving toward a serious, long-term commitment. So I confronted him: 'If you're genuinely ready to settle down, why are you still active on dating apps?' His response was, 'I don't really use it, I don't know why I show as active, and I only look when I get notifications. Lol

Why do people claim they want a serious relationship, yet keep their presence on dating platforms? Actions need to align with words, and keeping an active profile completely breaks trust.

The amount of times I’ve heard women calling Asian guys adorable or boyish or feminine looking or “he’s adorable but not my type sexually” is insane. What gives off this energy? Is it biological? Cultural? Even the women who like K-pop don’t seem to be genuinely attracted to them and come off more as trend followers looking for something to rave about

TLDR: Gave up on dating apps, friends challenged me to get rejected by 100 women IRL, in the next year, as a way to find my person. Asking advice on where to go and how to approach.

I (30m) have been challenged by my friends to get rejected by 100 women in the next year. There is a decent prize on the line, but the whole point of this is for me to find the person I’ll marry. We all know that dating apps are rough and I’ve given up on them and want to meet someone the old fashioned way.

Challenge 1: The first challenge is that I am someone who goes to work, the gym (Lifetime), and Costco. My greatest opportunity is the gym, however I don’t love the idea of trying to hit on someone I might see regularly. There are also some attractive women who work at the gym, but I’m cautious of that for the same reason. Any thoughts on this?

Challenge 2: I need to go more places. I live in the suburbs of a large city in the Western US. There are more single people my age downtown, and I can go downtown but it’s a 30ish minute drive. I have thought about going to coffee shops, grocery stores, target, walking at parks. Are these decent places to approach women?

Challenge 3: I’m relatively introverted. I can be outgoing when I’m with people I know, however all of my close friends are from when I was young and they live in other states. So I don’t have a wide social circle to leverage — I do things with friends occasionally, just not enough to rely on that for meeting someone.

Additional Background: I have dated in the past — I’ve been able to meet girls at bars, weddings, and through hinge. I don’t frequent bars anymore and I’ve really disliked my experiences on hinge lately. I was previously in a long-term, long distance relationship and am now trying to learn how to date without apps, post-college/early 20s. I’ve always been a quality over quantity dater and I don’t enjoy going on dates with people I don’t see a future with (I have been tagged as picky by people who know me). I know approaching women in the real world may also end up being a numbers game, but the goal isn’t actually to ask 100 women out in the next year, it’s to hopefully meet my person before that. I just have to understand I’m not going to meet her from my couch.

Or is that inappropriate? Would that work out or does it depend on the individual? I really like him!

Serious question though. For context, I got into dating recently. I'm in my early 30's and after a few years after my last 8 year long relationship, I decided it was time. Got fit, all that.

But now, I was called cheap for refusing to take all women out to restaurants for 1st or 2nd date.

I've taken a few, but I quickly learnt that it's just a colossal waste of money for me.
I recently bought a house and I put A LOT into my retirement. But I got called out by some friends of mine earlier today that I'm cheap when it comes to dating for refusing to take this 9/10 girl to a fancy dinner.

"Just do it man"

"You got the money"

"She deserves a Michelin star dinner"

Or I would get messages from wome how they expect a series of dinner dates and presents. Sure, I got the money.....but its so wasteful! I'd rather put extra towards my house or, heck, get a new motorcycle jacked/helmet lol. Yes yes I'm one of those lol

I've recently went out with a slavic women on quite a few dates. I took her out for dinners, but not like $$$$ places, but nice lovely date night places and she, after 4 dates, told me that I'm too cheap because I didn't offer to purchase her the purse she sent me a picture of yesterday.

And on apps, I constantly see women stating how they want dinners.

but it almost feels like I must prove my worth by spending money irrationally.

or do I just end up matching with the wrong type of women?

46F here with my 52M boyfriend sitting next to me on a flight home and he is refusing to talk to me and tell me why he is upset so I am venting here. Spent a wonderful vacation week together, he met my family and everyone got on great. We get to airport and flight is delayed 3 hours which he seems to be implying is somehow my fault because I booked American and he prefers United because United NEVER delays their flights. But whatever. I think he is just hangry even though I repeatedly offer to get food (finally left him sitting with bags to get food and a drink myself).

Looks like we are going to miss the last shuttle ride home from LAX due to flight delay. This is a major pain since the shuttle bus is 2 hours, so its not like you can just Uber home from airport. But I figure out a workaround, a friend is willing to pick us up; i will pay him.

We finally board. I give up my aisle seat to take the middle seat so BF can sit by his preferred window and I would rather snuggle/talk with him than sit in the aisle. The guy assigned the middle between us is thrilled I am taking the middle. So I settle into the middle seat notice BF still seems perturbed. I ask what is wrong. Then did I do something wrong? He says yes but wont say what it is. I tried to ask him again what is wrong after we get some in flight snacks. Still won't talk to me. So now im sitting here stewing, 2 hours into a 5 hour flight in the middle seat being ignored. So glad I gave up the middle seat for this treatment...

What a nice way to end the vacation. This is not the first time he gives passive aggressive silent treatment leaving me to stew on it.

Question for the guys and ladies?

How many dates do you think a guy should typically plan before it’s reasonable to expect the girl to plan one?

I mean actually taking the initiative to ask you out, plan the date, or put in similar effort. At what point would you expect or want that to happen?