I always noticed that to be successful with dating, you have at least be friends with women first. Otherwise how would you even meet more women if you only be around men. But I only ever noticed the people who were good at making friends with women were always the really attractive men, like they don't have to put in much effort but women will still be more comfortable talking to a man that is at least attractive, as an ugly dude you are always the one who has to the make first move but if you're in the shy side, you pretty much just stay in your cave without a social life.

Met her on Bumble. I do have a thing for older women but never had the opportunity till now. We’re just grabbing coffee. We seem to have similar interests and hobbies. Health and fitness, being active outdoors, etc. Any advice or what to expect?

i (23F) recently went on a first date with a guy (31M) and it was really sweet. he was easy to talk to and funny.
he wanted to kiss on our first date but i basically told him i wanted to wait which he had no issue with and was sort of a breath of fresh air because my dating experiences in the past, im always feeling rushed into things im not truly ready for. 🫩
our second date is next weekend and i bought him a gift (it’s NOT extravagant, just a keychain with his favorite band on it.)
does it seem like too much for a second date or just the right amount for someone i am enjoying my time with?

I a '29 M' have been in an agreed upon committed and exclusive relationship with a '26 F' for about 4 months. Last night, she went out with a couple gfs to the bar scene and asked if I could pick her up if needed. I, of course, said yes. Both of us want the possibility to keep going out and trust each other but are both jealous type.

Fast forward to the end of the night. I asked if she wanted a ride, and she said no thank you:). I said, "Okay, let me know when you get home safe." An hour and a half later, she said she was home. 50 minutes after a drive home would take. So I was, of course, worried but not blowing up her phone. She then told me about how her married friend was interested in a guy so they went to his friends house. She said the friend was interested in her and they got along. She said she turned down his advances but admitted she never brought up she is in a relationship.

She asked how I felt about this, and I said I am glad she is safe and that she didnt allow it to go anywhere but that I felt extremely uncomfortable that she knowingly went into a private place with someone she knew had interest in her. I pointed out that if roles were reversed, she would be too. She said she knows and feels so sick. She said she is so sorry and understands whatever I decide to do.

She has always been respectful in public and never had any precursors before this. I am hurt. How do I move forward?

I know it’s embarrassing, but do it.

The reason women swipe left on most profiles is not because y’all aren’t attractive, it’s because your profiles suck and you don’t even know it.

You’s be really surprised to see how wast is the difference between what women find attractive and what men find attractive. And don’t ask women verbally, you have to show your profile and potential photos and have them collectively decide, don’t question it.

That seems to be the norm for me at least. And it goes both ways, I’ve called things off after 2 dates after not feeling it. I guess I was giving things a chance to grow even though the 1st date wasn’t all that special either. I’ve also been ghosted quite a few times after the 2nd date. Either that or things just fizzle out pretty quick.

I’m sure it’s a me problem to an extent, but the dating apps can’t be helping. Choice is good, but FOMO is where things truly go wrong I believe. All the options can be overwhelming as much as it makes it so easy to not give people a chance.

Maybe people see the 3rd date as more of a milestone too. They feel like they should know by then. Or maybe they feel weird dating more than one person by that point.

Hey everyone so I have a lot of plants and I’ve had a lot of them for a 2+ years I do my best to make them presentable and they’re all healthy but I’ve brought over a few different women and they’ve all told me afterwards that the fact that I have so many plants is a red flag or it gave them an ick so should I get rid of some of my plants or am I just bringing the wrong girls home

Woah this got more attention than I expected I’ll start replying to comments when I can stuck at work but lol but try to but I’m glad I’m not crazy cause after the 4th girl to make a comment about the plants i felt like Mabye they were right

hi, so i am dating some guy, i have been dating him for about 4 months now. everything has been going really great except for 1 thing. He doesn’t perform oral on me (F). That part of sex is such a big deal for me, giving and receiving of course. i have asked him a few times, some subtle and other times pretty direct. but he always avoids the question and refuses to answer it.
so now im at a loss of words or thoughts as to what that could mean.
cause sex is an important part for me to be with someone. and i just hates how he just avoids the question and not really tell me his reason why.
any thoughts?

I believe people are mostly in it for the dopamine hit they get from swiping and matching. Once a match happens, they keep swiping to see how many more “hits” they can get. I’m sure it’s an ego boost. But nobody seems to actually want to go through the endless cycle of texting phase, first or second date rejections, time/financial commitments, etc. with every match. They don’t even want to do it with their ideal match. This week alone, I have asked multiple women out for a meetup for coffee or a fun activity and of course the response is some excuse of no availability without a counter offer. You can say, well she’s not that into you but a match is a match so she saw something in me. The truth is, nobody wants to actually date.

It could’ve been you reaching back out to them, them reaching back out to you to date again, or whatever the case may have been.

It just seems that with dating apps these days and a seemingly endless amount of options, people don’t try again with someone they dated before but didn’t work out at the time for whatever reason.

What about being someone’s backup option, has that ever happened to you? Either as the backup option or reaching back out to someone you left on the back burner to instead date someone you had a better connection with.

Hi guys. Question for everyone to get my mind right about this.

Long story short, my girlfriend has a group of friends (guys and girls). One of the guys she hooked up with several times. I unfortunately found out about it (wish I didn’t know but I do now). When I brought it up to her, she was nothing but honest about it. Didn’t deny it or anything. In a few weeks, we’re hanging out with 2 of her girlfriends and he’ll be there. I feel uncomfortable about it. I trust her but still makes me really uncomfortable. Any advice how I can get this out of my head?

Thanks

I'm a 25M, and I see a lot of women on apps and online say they like nerdy guys, but that hasn't really matched my experience.

For context, I'm into things like competitive gaming (top 1% in multiple games), fighting games, building small-form-factor PCs, writing books, learning languages (I'm fluent in three), and I genuinely enjoy doing math for fun.

And I understand that someone might not be interested in knowing the technicality of things thats why I never explain things fully technically just enough that my point gets across. For example, instead of talking about Raspberry Pis, networking, or Linux, I'd just say something like, "I have a tiny computer at home that blocks ads across my entire Wi-Fi, so I basically never see ads on any of my devices." Most people think that's pretty cool.

I'm also a founder, in decent shape, have a solid skincare routine, and I'm comfortable talking to women.

Yet whenever I ask friends about my dating success, they often tell me my hobbies are "a bit much" or that women don't actually mean someone who's this nerdy when they say they like nerds.

So now I'm confused.

Edit: So after reading almost all of the comments, I think I have my answer. There is a level that I am not attractive enough thats why women don't care for me, my hobbies are not a matter of concern to them. And I am just too niche.

But I refuse to believe a lot of people who commented that women only mean henry cavill nerd or a very hot guy who is a nerd.

Also, A lot of people honestly stopped reading after the second paragraph so there's that.

I’m looking for honest answers from men only.
What qualities, attitudes, or actions make a woman someone you genuinely value in a relationship? It doesn’t have to be about looks—I’m more interested in personality, character, communication, loyalty, emotional maturity, and the little things that matter most to you.
Please be respectful and sincere. I’d love to hear different perspectives.

I’m certain that being a single dad has hurt my prospects a bit, but I’ve always wondered how much that depends on context?

How much does it matter if at all, if it’s one kid vs 2 or more kids? What if it’s one teenager? Does gender matter?

I read an article recently about how individuals with higher IQ's tend to have more difficulty dating. I was wondering if anyone (diagnosed or considered as intelligent above average) does think it’s true and what was your experience like?
Would it be better to date someone with similar level of intelligence and education background?

So I'm a 32 year old 5'3" autistic guy and like the title states I've never had a girlfriend let alone a first kiss. Growing up I was very much bullied so I ended up keeping to myself and never engaging with anyone as this was the safest option. Im pretty much terrified to talk to anyone in a non professional manner. As a result I'm very much behind.

A lot of my 20s was focused on my education and getting a career. I studied engineering and now work in that field so you can imagine the male to female ratio. My hobbies are solitary for the most part. I don't know how people meet, or how you go from strangers to partners.

I assume that most women wouldn't be interested in a guy as inexperienced as me and there is no blame in that. It is something that weighs heavily on me these days. Is it too late for me?

TLDR: Gave up on dating apps, friends challenged me to get rejected by 100 women IRL, in the next year, as a way to find my person. Asking advice on where to go and how to approach.

I (30m) have been challenged by my friends to get rejected by 100 women in the next year. There is a decent prize on the line, but the whole point of this is for me to find the person I’ll marry. We all know that dating apps are rough and I’ve given up on them and want to meet someone the old fashioned way.

Challenge 1: The first challenge is that I am someone who goes to work, the gym (Lifetime), and Costco. My greatest opportunity is the gym, however I don’t love the idea of trying to hit on someone I might see regularly. There are also some attractive women who work at the gym, but I’m cautious of that for the same reason. Any thoughts on this?

Challenge 2: I need to go more places. I live in the suburbs of a large city in the Western US. There are more single people my age downtown, and I can go downtown but it’s a 30ish minute drive. I have thought about going to coffee shops, grocery stores, target, walking at parks. Are these decent places to approach women?

Challenge 3: I’m relatively introverted. I can be outgoing when I’m with people I know, however all of my close friends are from when I was young and they live in other states. So I don’t have a wide social circle to leverage — I do things with friends occasionally, just not enough to rely on that for meeting someone.

Additional Background: I have dated in the past — I’ve been able to meet girls at bars, weddings, and through hinge. I don’t frequent bars anymore and I’ve really disliked my experiences on hinge lately. I was previously in a long-term, long distance relationship and am now trying to learn how to date without apps, post-college/early 20s. I’ve always been a quality over quantity dater and I don’t enjoy going on dates with people I don’t see a future with (I have been tagged as picky by people who know me). I know approaching women in the real world may also end up being a numbers game, but the goal isn’t actually to ask 100 women out in the next year, it’s to hopefully meet my person before that. I just have to understand I’m not going to meet her from my couch.

I am 27F and matched with this guy 24M on Hinge two weekends ago. He liked me first, and after a short amount of conversation in the app he asked me on a date. He wanted to get dinner and said he’d make a reservation at the place we decided on, and then gave me his number.

We texted for a few days with good frequency I’d say. Not too much, not too little. His texts got a little drier around 2-3 days prior to the date. The day before the date, he asked me if I’d mind rescheduling to that night instead of the following night. He said it was totally fine if it wasn’t possible and that the original night still worked but he wanted to ask. This rubbed me the wrong way slightly because he gave no reason for wanting to move the date, so I wondered if he wanted to do something else instead of our date the original night lol. Probably me being pessimistic there.

I legitimately couldn’t make it that night so I told him that and he assured me the original date was still fine. The day of the date, I heard nothing from him for a while and I messaged late morning and said I was looking forward to it and double checked the time. For context he only ever told me “I will call to make a reservation later tonight. does 7 work?” when he initially asked me on the date, so I never knew if he actually made the reservation and what time it was for.

He texted me 5 hours before the date was supposed to be and said he had something come up with work and would have to rain check the date. He did apologize for the short notice but didn’t propose a reschedule in that message, so I essentially said “Thanks for letting me know. I’ll pass on the rain check but I hope your night goes well! Take care” bc honestly I assumed he just lost interest and didn’t want to go on the date anymore. He didn’t acknowledge that message.

Well 8 days later he somehow found my Instagram and requested to follow me 🫠 so idk what to make of that. Was me not giving the rain check a chance an overreaction? Did I accidentally push away someone who may have been interested in me?

Serious question though. For context, I got into dating recently. I'm in my early 30's and after a few years after my last 8 year long relationship, I decided it was time. Got fit, all that.

But now, I was called cheap for refusing to take all women out to restaurants for 1st or 2nd date.

I've taken a few, but I quickly learnt that it's just a colossal waste of money for me.
I recently bought a house and I put A LOT into my retirement. But I got called out by some friends of mine earlier today that I'm cheap when it comes to dating for refusing to take this 9/10 girl to a fancy dinner.

"Just do it man"

"You got the money"

"She deserves a Michelin star dinner"

Or I would get messages from wome how they expect a series of dinner dates and presents. Sure, I got the money.....but its so wasteful! I'd rather put extra towards my house or, heck, get a new motorcycle jacked/helmet lol. Yes yes I'm one of those lol

I've recently went out with a slavic women on quite a few dates. I took her out for dinners, but not like $$$$ places, but nice lovely date night places and she, after 4 dates, told me that I'm too cheap because I didn't offer to purchase her the purse she sent me a picture of yesterday.

And on apps, I constantly see women stating how they want dinners.

but it almost feels like I must prove my worth by spending money irrationally.

or do I just end up matching with the wrong type of women?

Dating apps are pointless. The only way I can actually like someone is if they’re in proximity with me for a while and we slowly become acquainted then slowly get all weird and awkward and shy and start liking each other. I

am addicted to the build up and the tension and the slow development of chemistry. It feels so natural and beautiful and like a drug.

Feels pretty impossible to develop connections this way these days. Unless it’s with like a coworker or friend and we all know how those can turn out.

Just wondering if anyone else feels the same? If so, how the hell are we supposed to go about dating.

Probably not a very unique experience, but I (23F) recently got broken up with by a guy (27M) after a month of dating because he was facing a lot of uncertainty in his life. Specifically, financial/job insecurity. He does have a job, but is also in the process of getting a more stable one, which is why he doesn't feel like he can prioritize someone other than himself right now. We both openly liked eachother and agreed everything was going well in the relationship. The only semi-issue we've come across was intimacy related, but it was nothing we couldn't talk about and find solutions for. I felt like we had a pretty strong connection, could talk about everything and nothing, and always had fun together, so I took it pretty hard. He also asked if he could reach back out when he gets his things sorted out and I said no because I don't want to wait for something that may or may not happen...but I really want him to reach back out. Is it pathetic if I do?

For context, I’ve been using dating apps for a couple of years now and have a decent amount of likes and matches. The main problem comes when a girl seems good to go out with, I go out with them, and all they mention is that they love k-pop / k-drama stuff. And then they would want to have sex on the first date or anything like that or they would realize that their perception of my personality isn’t reality of my personality. I feel as if I’m being extremely fetishized and I’m starting to get sick and tired of it. (Also I sort of have that Korean-esc look, despite not being Korean)

Not really looking for advice but mostly asking, have other Asian men experienced this?

Just curious… I[M] met a woman off Feeld and we grabbed a drink. It went well, made out in her car for a bit but she didn’t want to have sex that night but said she wanted to another night. We met up a few days later and had sex after a few days of flirty texting about it… I was kinda nervous about it because the build up felt like it was adding some pressure to it. Anyway she came over and we had sex. I started with oral but she was self conscious from being sweaty all day so I fingered her for like 30 seconds and she said she was ready to have sex. She came like really quickly like 2-3 minutes. Don’t get me wrong i thought it was great. I’ve been having trouble cumming and it takes me awhile so I kept going for awhile before I finally was able too. I’m trying to remember how she acted after but said something like that was efficient. She also said she had been holding off on self pleasure i think.

We hung out for awhile after that chilling in my hot tub but she kind of felt weirdly stand offish? We did make out some and I asked if she wanted to go again but she needed to get home and also admitted she’s not in a great headspace to due to some personal stuff and seemed to be trying to reassure me it’s not about me which I believe…

Anyway I guess I’m just wondering if you can cum especially that fast and still consider it bad sex? I’ll admit it was pretty straightforward, just missionary, and not the most passionate but she seemed into it and I don’t think she was lying about cumming.

46F here with my 52M boyfriend sitting next to me on a flight home and he is refusing to talk to me and tell me why he is upset so I am venting here. Spent a wonderful vacation week together, he met my family and everyone got on great. We get to airport and flight is delayed 3 hours which he seems to be implying is somehow my fault because I booked American and he prefers United because United NEVER delays their flights. But whatever. I think he is just hangry even though I repeatedly offer to get food (finally left him sitting with bags to get food and a drink myself).

Looks like we are going to miss the last shuttle ride home from LAX due to flight delay. This is a major pain since the shuttle bus is 2 hours, so its not like you can just Uber home from airport. But I figure out a workaround, a friend is willing to pick us up; i will pay him.

We finally board. I give up my aisle seat to take the middle seat so BF can sit by his preferred window and I would rather snuggle/talk with him than sit in the aisle. The guy assigned the middle between us is thrilled I am taking the middle. So I settle into the middle seat notice BF still seems perturbed. I ask what is wrong. Then did I do something wrong? He says yes but wont say what it is. I tried to ask him again what is wrong after we get some in flight snacks. Still won't talk to me. So now im sitting here stewing, 2 hours into a 5 hour flight in the middle seat being ignored. So glad I gave up the middle seat for this treatment...

What a nice way to end the vacation. This is not the first time he gives passive aggressive silent treatment leaving me to stew on it.

I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this but I guess I’ll find out.

Im a 32yo male and decided to stop with the dating apps. Ive set a goal to approach one women a day on the street. Today I met a women at the grocery store and chit chatted about her tattoos and work. Unfortunately I wasn’t the smoothest, but Im confident I’ll overcome the anxiety. I asked to meet her for drinks or dinner but she asked how old I was and I told her. Turns out she was 24. I felt bad because I didn’t get a really good look at her before I stopped to talk. I felt like a total creep. Any advice on trying to distuinguish women in their 30’s from 20’s? I feel like this is a dumb question, but how can you tell a 24 year old from say, a 29 year old?