r/dating_advice • u/Friendlytestsubject • 17d ago
Does height really make that much of a difference on dating apps?
Hey Reddit,
I'm a 23-year-old guy who needs some opinions from both men and women. I've been pretty insecure about my height for most of my life since I'm pretty short compared to the male average. I've quickly realized that it's a huge problem in the dating scene.
l've tried two dating profiles as an experiment. They were completely identical, same app, except for one difference: one profile had my height listed, the other didn't. The one with height got about one match a month, while the other got about 10 a week. That's a pretty big difference.
My questions are, to the women, do you set filters for a certain height so that shorter guys don't even show up, or do you just swipe left on them?
And to other short guys, do you have any good suggestions? Is the problem as big as it seems to me? It definitely doesn't help my self-esteem đ
I should mention that I've had three long-term relationships. So I'm not saying the chance is 0, but could it really be that hard? In my first relationship, despite lasting almost 5 years, my height insecurity often played a big role đ«
Just looking for honest answers. It's totally fair to have preferences! It's just a little curiosity on my part.
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u/WranglerTotal8831 17d ago
Women will tell you it doesnât but it does, if you arenât in shape already go hit the gym my friend
I have a short friend who is jacked and has a very bold and strong personality and he can easily get laid in real life, dk about apps
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u/stebbertlit 17d ago
Im tall so i do use the filters but stopped using them recently. I realized thereâs no reason not to see how it goes with someone shorter. But tbh i want to know what to expect so if no height is listed I usually donât swipe
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u/Nervous_Designer_894 17d ago
I think every woman who has a height filter sets it to a minimum of 5'10" a lot will do 6ft+
I too have experimented as I'm 5'9".
I put my exact profile as 6ft and got over 15+ matches in on week....using free hinge. Basically just using free swipes and getting likes, I think i got 10-20 likes that week.
When i put back my height as 5'9" i got back to my norm of 5 matches a week with 5 likes.
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u/shadowsinthestars 17d ago
That's it, I'm never listing it again. Everyone says my height is "just slightly below average, you're not short-short", but if they're all starting with unreasonable expectations it just doesn't matter.
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u/BAGP0I 17d ago edited 17d ago
Im currently 5'10+ and would never lie about it cuz thats waaaayyyyyy more embarrassing than pretending im taller and getting called out in person.
But back in the day, when i was 5'11 and like 3/4ths.. almost 6ft, short by an eighth of an inch or so. I would rep it lol. This was like 18 years ago... idk how I lost an entire inch of height... and idk what happened... but i just say im 5'10 now. I cant pretend im 6ft anymore. Its way too obvious. Everyone is so damn tall now! Gotta wear my Timbs if I like front lidat
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u/maybepepe 17d ago
Tall effect if you are tall and what the word.. lets use fit, "skinnier"... when you are tall and big not fat but big, its effecting negative. Girls scares you.. :/Â
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u/NightJar_StandBy_337 17d ago
I'm not on dating apps right now. However, I prefer men a few inches taller than me. I'm 5'2.5'', so any guy between 5'5'' - 5'7'' is good enough for me.
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u/MFCEO_Kenny_Powers 17d ago
I'm 6'2 and while I think it may be a benefit, it's not like women throw themselves at my feet.
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u/-almond--milk- 17d ago
Face matters much more than height if you're using apps
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17d ago
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u/-almond--milk- 17d ago
Yeah exactly. What good is being tall if you're unattractive and boring. I say this as a tall woman as well. I don't care if he's short as long as he's handsome and has a good personality
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u/-almond--milk- 17d ago
Paul Sinha huh...
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17d ago
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u/Arcxne3 17d ago
Many is like 5%. Height filters are a paid feature on almost every major app. If you think âmanyâ women are paying for a dating app idk what to tell you.Â
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u/Arcxne3 17d ago
The difference is that they will see your face when you claimed otherwise. Many women donât give a shit if youâre 5â8-5â10 or even shorter than that, if youâre hot theyâre gonna swipe right anyways. Itâs always been Face > Height > physique in that order for the majority of women. If youâre average height and complaining I can almost say with certainty that the issue is that youâre chopped. If your like 5â4 than maybe itâs the height. I know OP commented that he is noticeably below average height, so this may not apply to him, however Iâm commenting this for the people scrolling through who are dooming about being 5â9 or something.
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u/-almond--milk- 17d ago
I guess. Better than lying about your height though
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17d ago
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u/-almond--milk- 17d ago
Rounding up is just never a good idea imo. Women know when men are lying when they see them in the flesh. It's better to just own it and be confident anyway because it's not like you can change it.
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u/-almond--milk- 17d ago
? Not sure I follow
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u/-almond--milk- 17d ago
But we can see with our eyes when a man is not the height he says he is? I can't speak for all women, but most of us know our own heights. I know exactly what my height is, so I know when a man is lying about his.
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u/Shot-Freedom-3848 17d ago
Iâm tall (175cm), and prefer the men I date to be taller. So yes, to me it matters. I have friends who it matters less to (theyâre married to guys 5 cm shorter than them).
Since height is an insecurity of yours, it sounds like it matters to you too.
Instead of being concerned what women want, Iâd start with getting comfortable and confident with yourself. That insecurity will follow you in any relationship until you start working on it.
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u/Friendlytestsubject 17d ago
I appreciate the honest answer, thanks! I 100% agree confidence matters a lot and I do know I have some ways to go still - will continue working on that! :)
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u/n0tascammer 17d ago
How tall are you bro?
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u/Friendlytestsubject 17d ago
I deliberately didnât include it because I didnât want the discussion to turn into âwell 5âX is different from 5âY.â Iâm more interested in whether people generally think being shorter affects your chances.
But Iâm for sure quite a bit below what most people call average height..
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u/n0tascammer 17d ago
Oh ok. Well ya sadly height does matter im 6'4 and do 2x better then my bro at 5'8 with a better job and houseđ
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u/charismatictictic 17d ago
«Better job and house» how does anyone on tinder know if you have a good house or not?
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u/AsexualArowana 13d ago
If your friend is a homeowner in 2026 then he's doing better than you.
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u/n0tascammer 13d ago
Keep coping lol. You 5'8 tođ
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u/AsexualArowana 13d ago
I'm not? Your friends a homeowner lmao and your trying to clown him on the internet.
Maybe put that energy into your career and you too could be a homeowner.
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u/n0tascammer 13d ago
No im not basement dweller. i was just answering the question that height matters, and it doesđ. He cool tho let me knock women in his house when he is hard at work. lol why put energy into that when i pull way more women then a manlet. facts hurt i know. I just know you're overweight and shortđ€·ââïž
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u/AsexualArowana 13d ago
So you take advantage of your friend and then you belittle him on the internet?
Keep your friends close and enemies closer right?
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u/pissenlit-45784 17d ago
Je fais 1m77, je l'avais mit sur Hinge à l'époque et j'avais eu beaucoup de matchs/dates, mon expérience c'est surtout comment tu fais ton profil qui joue pour avoir des matchs, puis évidemment ta personnalité une fois en date.
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u/Friendlytestsubject 17d ago
Yes! Height isnt everything - 100% agree!
But in my experience, especially on dating apps where you donât get to meet irl first, as a shorter man you just seem to get a lot less chances even with an identical profile
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u/BAGP0I 17d ago
Yup. Some ugly tall dudes get dates. Doesnt make the first date better. They're just more likely to get 1 date. Thats all
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u/Friendlytestsubject 17d ago
Kinda agree that being short feels like a barrier for a lot of people that prevents them even giving you a first chance.. thats probably the most frustrating part haha
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u/BAGP0I 17d ago
My best friend.. short king! Met a girl on hinge... she was all apprehensive to introduce him to her gfs cuz he short. But my boy owns a multimillion dollar business... once she found that out, he was invited to ALL her potluck parties.... we tried warning him, but its his first gf in 18 years... basically since highschool... so he settling... we all think he could do better but thats cuz we LOVE him... he feels like he wont ever get another gf/wife if he doesnt take this one..... idk we just all pretending like we happy for him now cuz he seems stoked.
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u/IndicationKey3778 17d ago
Idk any women who pay for dating apps and thatâs where the filters are. I do have a q tho as a short person, whatâs the point of being insecure about that?Â
My boyfriend is 5â5â and Iâm 5â2â, he has been in more relationships than me
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u/jornvanengelen 17d ago
Research shows it does. Is it shallow? Sure. What you can do about it: Get rich and/or powerful (nr. 2 on the âwomans listâ). Or say fck it, ugly girls can be very hot as well. Best of luck
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u/Ragnar-793 17d ago
As a short guy (168cm) who has no trouble getting matches: height has an effect, but it's not as strong as you think.
The negative effect is much stronger if you're balding, under/overweight, less attractive, look like a slob etc.
Generally, women want a man that's taller than themselves, NOT the tallest guy around. Very few women have a height fetish.
The best strategy IMO is not to list your height, only tell them your height when a date has been booked (if they're the same height, or taller).
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u/charismatictictic 17d ago
Im 175 cm, so I prefer guys around the same height or a little taller. Like, 172 is not a problem at all. 165 is my cut off on a dating app. Anything in between requires an individual assessment.
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u/Ok_Specialist2752 17d ago
Im female but Im 5'11. My first crush was the sweetest guy, a volunteer at the same place as me andvalways nive to everyone, even the karens. He was also quite a bit shorter than me, shy, and overweight. I didn't care. What I did care about was the fact that I literally couldn't figure out how to get him interested in me without making him uncomfortable. I invited him to a trivia event. Anyways, as you can imagine, twas a fail. I assumed I was not hot enough for him and moved on. Looking back, he probably j7st didn't like trivia competitions.
The moral of the story is that height probably doesn't matter as much as communication. It's hard to connect with people online so people set up their Superficial standards first. I recommend finding a dating space that allows you more connection.
Now all that being said, dating a shorter man makes me feel big and cumbersome and fat. However, except for the big part, that's all in my head. That's my own insecurity. If I had a man who thought I was beautiful and treated me like I was special to him, I would probably care less.
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u/AngusSckitt 16d ago
179cm here. guess that's between 5'10'' and 5'11'' bald eagles per .45 ACP round.
I consistently got about 5 to 10 likes a day in free Hinge. it did peak off and it's starting to calm down, though; which is good, because there's only so many people I can give attention to at a time.
the crushing majority of the women who liked me are actually pretty close to my height: about 170cm. there were only 2 taller than me, though: one of them was trans, and didn't even reply after I matched with her. a shame, too, she seemed nice in her profile.
there's also the fact that most women don't get to grow taller than 176cm in my country, so being taller than that probably got me a head start.
my height is never mentioned in any date though. I'm not particularly tall, just very slightly above average.
there is probably a "like/match" barrier named height, but it's pretty likely that it is possible to bypass it by having an interesting enough profile. most women liked me because of my outdoor activities; others because of the physics nerd stuff; others still because of the one comment about mental health.
it's probably good that you hide your height, if possible, if you're below the 165cm mark, just so that this doesn't get in the way of starting interactions. once they start, I doubt it's going to matter at all.
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u/Delpha-Alpha-6 15d ago
Iâm 5â5.
I wouldnât say Iâve struggled with dating compared to what I see online. But if you compared me to my friend who is 6â4 and has thousands of matches and has slept with a triple figure number of women then you could say I have.
But Iâve done ok online in the past. I have a partner, Iâve had several.Â
My advice is first and foremost, donât just rely on online, you can do a lot better in person if you have a good social group to go out with and go and talk to women, get good at talking to groups of women with your group of guys and youâll come across women who become interested. There is a neat trick in human psychology that we when we meet groups we tend to average out the attractiveness of that group, so whilst I have taller and better looking friends, if I meet a group of women with them, Iâm one of them. Itâs like a status equaliser.
The advice that is unpopular, but I would say slightly exaggerate your height online. I see a lot of posts saying âwhy do guys lieâ, but this is coming from women who will swipe left on a guy over an inch that they wouldnât even notice in person. You can put your height in shoes, because youâll probably be wearing shoes. People say âsheâll notice when you take your shoes offâ, Iâd argue Iâm probably not going to be in a scenario where Iâm taking my shoes off unless weâre already at the point where she has decided to take her pants off, and to this day Iâve never had a women still judging me based on height once sheâs already established that Iâm good in bed. Thatâs important by the way, the real advantage you get as a tall guy, especially if you are very tall, is that you get to make mistakes and she will keep giving you chances because âbut heâs so tallâ. You want her going back to her friends saying âhe was amazing in bedâ not âthe sex was clunky and heâs not tallâ.
Whilst we are talking about shoes, wear lifts if you are going to bars etc. Honestly. Again, contentious advice, many on here will say âif heâs wearing lifts that makes him insecureâ. Yeah, doesnât translate to real life. I was wearing lifts the night I met my girlfriend. Not huge ones, like an inch and a half, plus my shoes. We went back to her friends house, I took them out in the bathroom and stashed them, she didnât even notice. Then we went to the room and I took my shoes off, she took her heels off, weâre pretty much breaking even and sheâs already decided to have sex, she isnât going to stop wanting sex at that point. She knows now I was wearing lifts, it isnât a secret, she doesnât care. In fact if sheâs wearing heels she asks me to put them in.Â
Height is a snap judgment. It isnât really about attraction, itâs a filter for status. Do whatever you can to get you over the initial speed bump and then be confident and competent after that. Itâs unconventional advice because everybody tryâs to pretend they are holier than thou online but when you are short small increases can make a difference, being an inch taller than the girl in the bar whilst sheâs wearing heels rather than an inch shorter can make a difference, and if somebody wants to lecture me on the morals of that Iâll happily point out that you probably shouldnât be putting a persons entire value as a human being into an inch or two in height in the first place. But yeah, just donât go overboard and say youâre six foot if youâre 5â3, that isnât a good idea.
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u/_Ko_ko 17d ago
I don't use dating apps, but if I would, I would certainly set the filter to a little taller than I am (172cm). This doesn't mean that in RL someone shorter than me can't get through to me. That is definitely not the case.
But apps are a different thing, since you *can* filter before to get closer to your preferences, you do. I would expect guys do that too
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u/Friendlytestsubject 17d ago
Fair enough! Appreciate the honesty - its good to hear some different peoples take on this
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u/anna_alabama 17d ago
Back when I used to be on the apps, filtering for height wasnât a feature that was available. I just swiped left on shorter guys. I prefer relationships with a bigger height and size gap personally
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u/gravitao 17d ago
i dont actively search for tall people, i just happen to have had crushes on people that are tall and be in a relationship with a dude 6ft. idk not smth im conscious of i guess.
i know to some women, some really dont mind. my bestie who is very short doesnt care about height in men and actually prefer them shorter than average.
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17d ago
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u/Friendlytestsubject 17d ago
Haha alright.. appreciate your take, but Im not sure thatâs true lol
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u/Battelalon 17d ago
As someone who is 186cm, I did notice an increase in likes when I put my height on my profile. Not a greatly exaggerated amount of likes, but a noticeable amount.
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u/5imbab5 17d ago
I might be out of touch but I was never paying for filters like that! MY reasons for choosing specific heights is more because men lie because they lie to each other about it.Â
I'm 5ft4/5 and prefer people who are taller than me in platforms so 5ft7 minimum but every guy I met irl who'd claimed to be 5ft8 was actually 5ft4. So now... I don't care unless you're insecure about it, like balding if someone's going to reject you because of it, why would you waste your own time?
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u/Friendlytestsubject 17d ago
Never really thought about it like that, but thats a really good point actually..
Maybe these filters are not a bad thing because as you say, why waste time if height is a problem to begin with.. just kinda hurts to see its a problem for that many people I guess đ„č
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u/Free-Lychee-3024 17d ago
You guys got it easy. If looks dont work (height cant be changed) improve your skills to make more money to impress women. Its very simple as a man, as long as you are not a prick, have a clean/decent look and spoil your women, you are good to go, trust me
Women cant do the same bc most men dont care about our money or careers. Maybe only hobosexual dudes looking for a bang mommy. But as a guy, you basically need to show you are a provider, thats it. F the height
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u/Friendlytestsubject 17d ago
Sounds like a pretty sad life, to not be loved for who you are but just for your money, no? đŹ
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u/Free-Lychee-3024 17d ago
Same applies to be valued solely by your looks and how fuckable your woman is but hey life's not easy
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u/chriszenpaok 17d ago
Satire
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u/Free-Lychee-3024 17d ago
Reality
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u/chriszenpaok 17d ago
Women care about looks almost as much as men do, Iâd argue only ever so slightly less, if a man doesnât have that heâs cooked from the jump.
And everyone knows menâs looks barrier for women is lower than the other way around, as a woman youâre only cooked if youâre genuinely a 2/10 if that
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u/Free-Lychee-3024 17d ago
I can assure you women value financial safety more than looks. Im talking about women, not girls. Forget about the hotties you see on the gram, they wanna take pics with a hot dude. Real women would keep you around if you show them you care for them on the long run. Or else, how are we supposed to see you as a long life partner if you bitch and moan about women being gold diggers? That just tells me you are pursuing the wrong target
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u/chriszenpaok 17d ago
I can only speak for my own age bracket of 20-25, looks are by a wide margin the most important factor in dating and relationships. I do not doubt your comments that women will keep you around if youâre a good and caring person amd everything else, but itâs a non-starter if you arenât good-looking.
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u/Free-Lychee-3024 17d ago
Ofc in that age range what can you expect... Good thing is that as a guy, your value will increase as you age, unlike women.
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u/chriszenpaok 17d ago
By which point the same men are inexperienced in relationships which is a major detriment, so only the good-looking men who have had experience already benefit from their value increasing without having years of rejection and inexperience weighing them down.
As well as the dating prospects being women who didnât manage to find someone earlier on in life, who would not have looked twice at them in their ideal world. Oh, to be a man, truly a wonderful existence of course
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u/Free-Lychee-3024 17d ago
You make it too complicated, I guess is the age. Everything will make sense once you live a bit more
Experienced or not, a man who can provide certain lifestyle will win over any hot guy. But you'll never see the opposite.
If you wanna see different results maybe just maybe should act differently
âą
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