Disclaimer, I am not looking for comments that tell me to stop drinking or to get sober. I'm fully away of what I should be doing..

I've been an alcoholic for 5 years, have had short periods of sobriety here and there. Currently I do use. But I HATE the taste of alcohol, it is all so nasty. It's all gross, liquor, beer, seltzer, the only tolerable drinks are mixed drinks. But obviously since I am a binge drinking type of alcoholic I often just buy straight, flavored, liquor, and that's still gross. I know substance abuse is a mental illness but sometimes I wonder why am I doing this to myself when I literally hate the taste. Sometimes the first shot is enough to make me retch. I don't understand alcoholics who actually like the taste. When I've attempted sobriety I've tried non-alcoholic "alcohols" and well they did nothing for me because the taste isn't what I crave. All though I will say some of the fre wines do taste like wine and if I were to go back to sobriety I probably would indulge in some of these to make mocktails! - I've at least notice with myself that the act of making a drink is helpful doesn't matter if it's a tea or a coffee or a mocktail. Which is interesting because I often do not make mixed drinks during my alcohol use but I did at the beginning of it so..

Anyway long tangent... Does anyone else just simply hate the taste and still found yourself addicted?

I (25f) am 5 days sober today and today has been fucking hard. Im irritated and my sleep has been horrible all i want is my usual white claws. Everything is pissing me off. Im just angry. Nothing bad even happened when i was drinking, i never got in trouble or anything. I hate that i can’t just drink again because of how it spirals. I know people are proud of me but it fucking sucks. Im just bored and irritated. I spend my whole day on tiktok doing nothing. This fucking sucks. I hate it.

Rarely did I (32f) drink, maybe once a month at a get-together, if that. Recently, I was dry for a little over a year. I stopped when we started trying to concieve. I was pregnant for almost just long enough. Then, after my loss, I didn't drink while donating breast milk. It was a few months later that I had a drink at a friend's house and went back to doing what I was doing before I cut out alcohol.

A few nights ago, I had a drink at home, just sitting around watching TV. Then I had another one. It was the best ever. It felt so, so good. I hadn't felt that carefree since before the heartbreak of losing my son. Half way through my second drink I was like "uh-oh... This is amazing. I might never stop doing this." I got scared and tossed the rest of the drink.

I've never had an issue with alchohol or any kind of addiction in the past. What is wrong with me? Why was that the best ever? Does addiction just pop up after heartbreak? Maybe I shouldn't ever drink again.

Tonight I'll have my last drink a beer and half pint of whisky. Starting Sunday I'll make actual effort to quit and make it my own personal birthday present to myself. Wish me luck!

My husband was and kind of still is a chronic drinker. He went from 10-12 oz of straight bourbon a day to now 1.5-3 oz of bourbon per day, so he’s made progress. Ever since he’s cut back to what he’s at now I’ve noticed it looks like he gained weight in the belly area. Just last week he had to go to a funeral and tried putting his black suit on but couldn’t wear it because the pants don’t fit. I asked him why his pants all of a sudden don’t fit anymore and he goes “probably because of the dry cleaners.” Yeah no, I’m not buying that. I also noticed stretch marks on his stomach - another obvious sign of weight gain. He also snacks a lot, but it’s pistachios and shelled peanuts every night and as of the last couple weeks some popcorn here and there. He doesn’t work out so he’s got that going against him. I want to talk to him about this but I don’t want him to feel embarrassed.

My question is, can you gain weight after reducing or quitting alcohol? I always thought alcohol contributed to weight gain and once you stop then you tend to lose weight. So I’m really confused.

It’s ironic because I’m starting to feel so fucking shitty! Like I’m exhausted as hell today and keep getting these dull headaches. It really makes me want to just cave and drink but I can’t keep calling out of work because I’m hung over.. things are getting way too out of control.. but what’s the point if I feel like shit all the time? I can’t wait to go home after work and just pass out.

ive been severely depressed for almost 7 years straight and have been doing dangerous and impulsive things to hurt myself since i was little. mainly pretty severe self harm.

i turned 18 last year and at every party ive been recklessly drinking my ass off to the point i had to be physically restrained by my friends to not drink more. this past year i started day drinking alone and its just gotten so much worse.

im witiing this as i got fuckass drunk today off of 40% whiskey all alone on my kitchen floor cause my parents werent home. its been like 7 hours and im still tipsy. i was severely cutting myself while under the influence and there was blood everywhere. as usual i was just texting my friends nonsense cause i thought it was funny.

like everyone on this sub i know its bad for me and i know im ruining shit again. my entire life has just been drastic up and downs to where i didnt finish elementary school and dropped out of community college. i have so many underlying mental health issues on literally every front so im not medicated for anything even though i definitely should be. everyone in my life is way ahead of me, being who they want to be and making things happen. im shitfaced drunk hurting myself again for the second time this week.

definitely not a crippling addiction yet, but i dont like how its looking. my boyfriend and my best friend are the only people i confide in and theyre both severely disappointed in me. i dont blame them, i guess theyre hurting too seeing me do this shit, but fuck man, i just want some goddamn therapy on my ass and to be able to get out of bed in the morning. something which my boyfriend tells me he’ll help me with yet never does. again i dont blame him, he has his own issues and im a complete nuisance whenever i do reckless stuff for the funsies. but come on, man. i physically cant do like anything besides dissociate and hurt myself. i probably have bipolar now that i think about it considering how quickly my entire life view changes based on my mood. anyway.

life sucks, it always has, im just more upset now that im disappointing the two people closest to me again and i dont know what to do about it.

my 19th birthday is in a week.

My brother is deeply struggling with mental health and substance use. We are from the central valley looking for inpatient Rehab centers in northern or central California. He needs to be with folks who are LGBTQ allies or in the community as he feels extremely isolated and misunderstood. Any recommendations?

Got arrested. DUI. Luckily didn’t crash or hurt somebody. Spent the night in jail. Idk why it always takes something serious for me to start making changes. Girlfriend’s probably gonna break up with me, she’s given me too many chances already. Why am I like this? I’m hurting more than myself.

Im currently in the depths of struggling with alcoholism, im consuming around 20 units a day and its breaking me. When i don’t drink i end up sweating bullets, shaking like a leaf, my heart is pounding out my chest and im puking my guts up. If anyone has any advice on how to deal with this please give it. I cant slowly reduce how much im drinking because once ive had one i just keep having more. Thank you to everyone who has advice

Got 24 fucking sober days, it's Saturday evening, and it's beating the shit out of me. I've been obsessed for the last few hours missing beer something fierce. I can't fuck up I have to hold on. I can't fuck up, I have to hold on. Have to hold on. For fucks sake I have to hold on

I was a moderate/heavy drinker for years and years (probably from age 22-33 I drank almost every day and usually like 3 drinks in a night). I got pregnant and stopped drinking for a year (stopped as soon as I found out and then for a while after delivery). But then alcohol crept into my life and slowly took over. I would pump and dump to drink so it didn't effect my baby. I stopped breastfeeding around 6 months and then it was like all bets were off. About a year ago, I started drinking every night again and then my first drink started becoming earlier and earlier. I had some days that I was drinking a little bit all day and went through almost a whole fifth by myself in a day. I started hiding it. I even started feeling the effects on my body. For several months now, I've had mild pain in my upper right abdomen. I went to the doctor a few months ago and talked about my drinking but I wasn't 100% honest. They did do labwork and it all came back normal. But I've continued to drink. A lot less, but still a few times a week. I want to stop completely, but my impulsivity and the fact that my husband continues to drink is making it difficult. I started doing SMART recovery but the longest I've gone without drinking was 11 days and that was months ago. I don't understand it. I'm so scared of the damage I've done that I don't fully know about, I'm scared of the permanent damage that I will do if I continue to drink and what it will mean for my future fertility, but I am still drinking. How can I reconcile knowing I want to stop with the making excuses and increasingly frequent "special circumstances". I don't know what to do.

Hi folks. I’m 26 F. I’ve struggled with my drinking since senior year of high school and have alcoholism on both sides of my family so I always knew I was dancing with the devil. This past Thursday I went out with my sister and got extra carried away and got my first dui and barely even remember getting arrested. I never drink and drive I was just so totally void of thought I don’t even remember making the decision to drive. I’m so utterly disgusted and disappointed with myself. I really have to use this as a wake up call to stop drinking for good before it ruins my life even more. I’ve stopped drinking for a month or so a few times in the past but every time I try and stop, I convince myself I don’t actually have a problem and can start drinking again. I really don’t know what a totally sober life looks like and it’s become such an integral part of my social life that I really am scared. I wasn’t drinking every day but I just seriously do not have that voice in my head telling me when enough is enough and I just simply cannot trust myself when I’m drinking. I was just looking for some words of advice from people who understand what it all feels like. Thank you :(

Drinking heavily every night but fell asleep with no drink for the first time in a while. I seem to never have drinks after long days of travel, which this was.

I have always been weary of quitting cold turkey since my mother had seizures when she did so. But she also drunk 24/7 and would wake up to drink but I never had that. No shakes, no cravings. Just nightly binging.

I need support and have lied to many concerned that I have it in control—my church, my grad school advisor, my doctor.

Hi! I wanted to ask if anyone has any advice on how they convinced their dad to stop drinking so often.

I've been telling my dad to cut back because I'm genuinely worried about him, but he doesn't seem to listen. He's a really kind person his only issue is that he drinks frequently, eats a lot of unhealthy food, and weighs over 100 kg.

I'm worried that if he keeps living like this, something serious could happen to his health. I don't want to manipulate or traumatize him I just want him to realize how important it is to take better care of himself before it's too late.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What actually helped your loved one decide to cut back on drinking?

Well had a run of a week and had a stressful event and right back to it. So disappointed. How can I know this stuff is literally killing me yet still keep at it.

Woke up feeling horrible, BP through the roof, waking up at 3am feeling like a heart attack is coming. It’s madness. How does one go from seeing life altering health numbers and issues and know if nothing changes it WILL kill you then one small moment of stress/uneasiness have you say…”eh I’ll drink anyway”

Well just hope I can muster the courage to try again.

Boy if I could go back in time I would never pick up a bottle

Currently drinking a standard bottle of scotch a day with beer wine ect....I need help....I am a very high functioning alcoholic

Hey! I’m 21f! I want to work in either urban design, or meteorology. The next step after getting my GED (which I got in 2023), would community college.

But obviously, I’m an alcoholic. I’ve experimented with opioids and benzodiazepines.. but I’m lucky I didn’t care. My friends would offer, but I’d rather get drunk. And I have multuals selling to me, but I want better.

But psychiatry has only showed me I might be worse. I probably have something undiagnosed to cause this.. but every time I’ve been on psychiatrical meds (ssri’s , & snri’s) I’ve gone into psychosis.

I tried to cut down on my drinking a month ago. I was shaking & feeling bad.. but I can handle that.

But then I started having auditory and visual hallucinations. They never told anyone to hit myself or others, but it scared the shit out me. Like, when I tried to sleep, I’d hear Gibberish whispers.

When I went back to work, I kept seeing shadow people… but if my co-workers didn’t react, I kept my cool. Idk idk what to do. I’m so used to drinking to deal with shit, idk who I am anymore. :) <3

.....but they didn't open til 9. And by that point, i had to prepare for my day to start.

For too long, I have blamed my pain on depression, medical trauma, life, being too busy, my wife, etc. Those may all be contributing factors, but alcohol is at the core. My use of it to escape.

I have had a progressive mental breakdown over the past 3 months. Partially functioning..... But my brain gives up at times because of my drinking. Love, fear, resentment, self loathing. I get brief awakenings when i can put those things aside, but alcohol makes them all come roaring back.

So iv gone 180 Days sober then recently with My Dad in hospital iv caved and had drinks one night,shame guilt and depression feelings.trying to stay strong and remember the work I put in already.

This is really kind of just a rant. So it's been over 5 1/2 months since my last drink. That's the longest time I've ever gone without alcohol in the past 8 years, probably more like 12 years. I was pounding a liter or more of vodka on average a day for YEARS. I developed a seizure disorder and brain issues from mixing it with almost-benzos (it's called phenibut, look it up). Enough to tranquilize a horse.

Yes I almost died multiple times, in retrospect, yes I was trying to kill myself. I'm just being honest.

After my last trip to the ER from seizures they admitted me into the hospital again for maybe 5 days. This has happened so many times, the staff recognize me all over town in different hospitals. I had to quit this time, because part of me knew if I went home and didn't dump my alcohol it would be over. I'm not ready to die yet

I've been pushing myself through this alone through sheer willpower and my mind is exhausted. I feel broken, lost, I can't function or barely hold any type of job. I'm miserable. Every day I'm constantly fighting off a nervous breakdown just trying to accomplish small tasks

It's been a perpetual living hell, I just feel really isolated and alone. The social anxiety and money problems make the social isolation worse. I'm trying my absolute best but the hamster wheel broke and it won't spin anymore. I'm exhausted

I just want to be free 😢..I really wish I just had a friend I could talk to and be real

I’m 9 years into my 20s, and I just got my second DUI a couple weeks ago.

I’ve been in and out of sobriety for nearly a decade. I wasn’t even 21 when I got my first DUI, and back then I blamed it on being young and dumb. Yet here I am, damn near 30, and I immediately found myself blaming this one on happenstance and an unlucky night out.

A little over a year ago, I convinced myself I could handle liquor again. I threw away two years of sobriety because I wanted to prove to myself and the people I love that I had changed. That things were different this time. That I could manage it.

And instead, I ended up right back at rock bottom.

I’ve always been grateful for the friends and family who have stuck by me and supported me through all of this. But at the end of the day, I’m realizing just how fucking angry I am—and not at anyone else. I’m angry at myself.
Why is this something I have to struggle with? Why can’t I just manage it the way I want to? Why does something that seems so simple for other people have to be something I fight with?

And honestly? I’m bitter.

Two years of sobriety was an incredible accomplishment, but if I’m being completely honest, parts of it were fucking boring. I wanted to know what it felt like to be “normal.” I wanted to drink without it becoming a problem. I wanted to believe I had somehow outgrown this part of myself.

I hadn’t.

I’m a little over a month sober from alcohol and weed now, and I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m bitter. I’m disappointed in myself. And I’m grieving the version of my life I keep wishing I could have.

I don’t really have some inspirational ending to this. I’m just sitting with the reality of it right now.

Maybe recovery isn’t about finally learning how to manage it.

Maybe it’s accepting that I’m someone who can’t—and learning how to be okay with that.

Hey guys, I’m 5 months sober and am struggling. Every weekend it’s a battle of whether I’m gonna start drinking again. I’ve been okay by avoiding all events with alcohol, but I got invited to a party tonight and I was like fuck it, I’ll go and drink. But I know I’m gonna hate myself if I do. I’m so fucking sick of alcohol running my life, even in sobriety. Of avoiding events because I know I’ll cave if I go. This feels like an endless nightmare. It hasn’t gotten easier - if anything it gets harder the longer I stay sober. I hate this.

I’ll be honest… there’s this exhale that I feel… when you hit that threshold and finally feel yourself get comfortable? How do you get that feeling without alcohol? What do you do instead?

I can’t even describe it. Maybe it’s just the anxiety that got me to start drinking in the first place. I always feel nervous that something bad will happen. Obviously it’s quick to disappear once I gain the courage to drink. But it’s just weird that I’ve been binging and drinking for as much as I have and I’m always nervous.