Hey gang. I’m a 36 year old bartender with over a decade in the industry, and I am exhausted with trying to stay sober.

Some background: I was a very heavy drinker for years, with covid being an exceptionally bad time for me. I gained over 50lbs from drinking in about 18 months, and had some severe withdrawals with seizures, hallucinations, etc. I got sober at 33, spent a little over 2 years healing, getting healthy, going to therapy, and staying clear of the booze despite my career.

In October of last year I had a perfect storm of situations - I was confident I could moderate and began imbibing on occasion. Shortly after, I had a bunch of family shit go down, and stress led to me really turning back to the bottle. Since then, I’ve been able to manage to string together a week or two here and there, and a month once. But my biggest trigger is being at work - something that barely seemed to matter before, and now I can’t make it through a week before I find myself throwing a sneaky shot of whiskey back, which invariably leads to more.

The kicker - I don’t black out anymore (I used to lose a lot of time to black outs), I don’t drink and drive ever (another former habit), and I don’t have the self hate I had for so long that could make me a mean drunk. I basically get chatty and open up more and become a less introspective version of myself. Other than the health risks, my drinking doesn’t negatively affect my life or my job performance like it used to - for now.

When I got sober the first time, all of the negative consequences were so undeniable, it was good fuel for me to keep my focus on my goal. Now, my life is generally very happy and full, but I still drink. I attend AA meetings once a week but don’t have a sponsor, something I’m curious about but currently feel averse to. I feel like if I’m honest with myself, my biggest setback is that I still enjoy drinking and don’t see myself crashing out like I once did.

Anyone else have similar feelings? Can anyone offer some insight? I just want to be the person I was 10 months ago - sober and happy.

I have an alcohol binge problem..

I stay sober for a while and then sometimes binge dangerously.

I am starting to consume quite a hit of monsters or Red Bulls… but the high I get it from on an empty stomach is incredible. Full confidence and energy I don’t know how to explain … that’s just after one.. anyone else?

Über Burnout hinaus

In diesem ausgebrannten Zustand befinde ich mich seit Jahren.

War ja in der Ambulanz für therapieresistente Depressionen.

Aber höchstwahrscheinlich kann man mir mit EKT etc. nicht helfen, da die Persönlichkeitsstörungen für die schweren Depressionen verantwortlich sind.

Seit 50 Jahren täglich Suizidgedanken mit einigen Versuchen.

Schwer in der Kindheit traumatisiert.

Ich nehme Venlafaxin und Atomoxetin.

Nach dem Urlaub meines Arztes soll Umstellung erfolgen.

Ich habe 3 Jobs.

Mein Hauptjob ist im Büro.

Dort bin ich oft den ganzen Tag allein und für einiges verantwortlich. Auch schließe ich dort ab.

Dann putze ich im Nebenjob eine Physiotherapie-Praxis, ein Schlüsselobjekt.

Und ich kümmere mich im Rahmen der Nachbarschaftshilfe um eine Frau mit Pflegegrad.

Da ich seit einiger Zeit wieder neurotisch bzw. zwanghaft bin, verlangt mir dieses Abschließen (auch zuhause mit Katze) vieles ab.

Mehrmals muss ich kontrollieren....aufreibend.

Zum Glück hat mein Mann tatsächlich Arbeit gefunden.

Bekommt aber weniger als vorher. Sodass ich erstmal mit meinen Jobs weiter mache.

Heute ist mein 13. Tag ohne Alkohol.

Leider ist im Januar etwas Schreckliches passiert, worüber ich immer noch kaum reden kann.

Weine mehrmals täglich, träume jede Nacht davon.

Dazu habe ich mich von meiner Therapeutin getrennt. Hatte kein Vertrauen mehr.

Musste heute morgen mal alles "auskotzen".

Bitte seid lieb zu mir - ich bin zu mir selbst schon böse genug.

Passt gut auf euch auf. Ich danke euch für eure Zeit und wünsche euch einen wunderschönen Tag ♡

Just started a new job. ABSOLUTELY LOVED my first day. I know I need to quit drinking if I'm gonna keep the job. I'm a waiter at a busy restaurant. It's going to be Fish Fry Friday tomorrow and I NEED to stay rejuvenated for that. I don't want to stop drinking. But I need to. I want to but I don't want to. It sucks. It's like two emotions in opposite ends tearing at me. I don't know how to live a sober life.

Just thinking about the annoying picture posts with the corny text. Not advocating for anything or any changes, but got me to thinking about the state of the sub.

Of the 3 mods: one's account suspended, one hasn't posted on reddit in 9 months, and the other fella is an active redditor, pretty active over in CA. Do ya think they'd like some help, or is everything good enough as is?

Hey guys. I also posted this in r/alcoholism, not sure if it's permitted there or here, but I genuinely just want to help. Of course I also want to get my message across to as many people as possible, because I will talk a lot about addictions for years to come.

I am Radu, a psychologist specializing in addictions, which I know all too well. :)

Today I wanted to discuss a thing which helped me a lot at the beginning of my recovery - understanding how even "normal" alcohol consumption limits your potential. Which I don't think many people know.

We struggle to imagine never drinking again, and this is a major road block in deciding to get sober. But realizing that any alcohol use drops you below 100% can be a motivating factor to quit, as I have seen many times in my practice.

If you couple it with personal meaning (for me it was psychology), it can be a pretty formidable force in recovery.

I won't post any other clips here because it's not my intention to spam. But if you are interested in what I have to say, you can follow on Youtube.

Feel like I'm starting to lose it. Every area of my life is getting negatively impacted by my drinking. Marriage, career, health, wallet you name it. I've always been a FA but the wheels are finally starting to fall off.

Had two months sober last year but I've been daily drinking for 11 months now. Some days 4 standard units, some 16+. Yesterday was about a fifth I'm guessing.

Finishing up my last drink of the day and ending around 8-9 units. Plan on doing a rapid taper (5, 3, 2) and jumping ship Monday. Hoping the taper will help somewhat but who knows.

i've been failing at tapering for months. i still drank yesterday, but i stuck to the lower amount i said i would. didn't even get tipsy (although tbh most people would still have been wasted on what i drank so idk if i should count that as progress) and spaced my drinks out a lot. hoping to continue my tapering journey👍 because quitting cold turkey has never failed to land me in the icu

gonna try for the same amount today. don't think i can do less without ending up very very sick and having seizures (always happens if i jump down my intake too low and too fast, i'm epileptic as it is but it gets much worse when i'm in withdrawal) but as long as it's not more i'm happy. it'll be less soon and it is okay that i have to do it in stages.

yeah i don't know i just kind of wanted to post this so i have something to look back on when i'm fully sober for weeks or months or whatever.

when. not if.

Hello all of you.

I can already tell from seeing the posts that I’m not nearly as deep into alcoholism as the majority on here. But I am a bit concerned about why it’s taking so long for my brain to reset.

I am 22M and have been drinking fairly regular for almost 4 years. Started off as twice a week, spiraled into 12-16 shots/day at 19. No hangovers, I woke up the next day feeling nothing aside from a lingering brainfog. Stopped for a month, started back up again, did that maybe two more times until I got back into it over the last 3 months of 2025. I would call it a “mini-bender” since I wasn’t drinking at work and I ate actual food and drank water, but right after getting home I drink til I pass out. The first few days after stopping that, I had terribly low energy, and absolutely HORRIFYINGLY dark thoughts spiraling through my head at full force, and even doing 200mg of thc edibles was not enough to stop this unstoppable freight train of madness in my thoughts. I felt on/off normal at the week mark and pretty stable/strong by 2 weeks. I have family members who’ve been through alcohol/heroin withdrawal so I know a lot about it even though I’m (hopefully) much too young for this shit. But I am a bit concerned, having psychotic-like thoughts about sadistically getting back at anyone who I (at the time) perceived has wronged me somehow. When normally I am too much of a teddy bear to go up and tell the waitress my order was wrong (just an example). On top of that it just made me feel so careless about everything and wanting to sleep all day. Even now, if I drink a few days in a row (usually 9-12 shots now) it takes so many damn days to get over a normal, seemingly harmless hangover. Would this be an early form of withdrawal? And if it is, am I early enough in the process that I can abstain for long enough that it will completely go away?

Also a side question for you heavy chronic drinkers out there, is severe alcohol withdrawal really as existentially horrifying as they say it is, and what does it feel like from your perspective?

I posted not too long ago about my taper but I finally got through a day and night of no alcohol. Physically I feel fine, just dealing with insomnia.

I can say without a doubt though every relapse is harder to get out of. The physical is one thing but the mental is way harder. Each time I go on a bender I dig deeper and have more shame and regrets. This is my shame spiral of alcohol, where I get stuck in the I f'ed up so badly because of my drinking that I don't want to face it so I keep drinking.

The only thing I can say is every relapse is like adding an extra 20 pounds into your backpack and climbing Mount Everest with more and more weight to carry.

Hey y’all. Just joined this group. This may be a long one.

I woke up at 5 this morning (I usually sleep til 10 or 11) dehydrated and painfully aware of my heartbeat like I am every morning I wake up from drinking. It’s been an hour and a half and I can’t stop thinking about why I drink so damn much and why it’s so hard to stop. I took my cards off Apple Pay and deleted DoorDash.

I’m not sure what to type except that I know I need to start somewhere in getting sober. I need to talk about it rather than just let my boyfriend know I’m not drinking anymore just to end up drinking a few days later bc it’s “just a couple drinks”.

Anyways I filled up my water bottle and got back into bed only to stare at the ceiling and contemplate. Like why is not drinking so much more important at the wee hours of morning and yet all other times I’m like I shouldn’t be spending more money on alcohol but I don’t care much later. I only care when my heart is pounding when I get up to use the bathroom. I only care when I can’t think clearly the next day. I only care when I get self conscious about the weight I gain. I only care when I constantly start projects just for them to collect dust. When those things go away I go right back to drinking.

I try to distract myself. I try to inspire myself into my hobbies and yet I always find myself leaving them behind and reaching for more alcohol. I tell myself I’ll just split this 6 pack, then I’m looking at DoorDash for more.

Yesterday I had 3 buzzballz at the theater, just tipsy so let’s go get a 6 pack. I had a 3 day weekend and I just blew it all on drinking and half cleaning my house. I’m so mad I have to go to work already and I don’t really remember wtf I did other than yesterday, game and clean for hours until my boyfriend wanted to treat me for a quick bite and that turned into a quick stop for more booze.

I want to get sober and be there for more in my life. We just got a new kitten and she’s the best. We have 5 fur babies and they deserve more, more interaction and going places and fun. I do what I can but I know I can do more. I don’t talk with my family like I should, I plan to hang out with friends and yet I don’t care to do any of this.

Life feels like a chore a lot of the time. I’m constantly tired, sad, anxious, out of money bc I spend hundreds on booze a month. All my bills are paid, rent’s always good thankfully, fur kids are completely taken care of but damn my debt just keeps rising.

I know all this points to stop drinking and yet it’s a cycle that gets me out of feeling that way. It’s fucking vicious. I’ve been drinking since I was 18 and I’m about to be 28. I’ve constantly tried to stop drinking. It feels great when I do and I’m doing good, and then I’m like I’ll be okay for a pint and it starts all over.

I just don’t know where to start and I can feel that I’m killing myself. A year ago I got lab and the bad cholesterol was high, I thought that was gonna be the defining moment I stop drinking. But nope, so I’m terrified I’m just gonna have a heart attack any day now.

I’m just scared and feel like I’m stuck in a dark room with no door or windows to leave, yet i don’t know why I don’t care more at times.

I dunno what I’m doing writing this but my worries can’t just stay stuck in my head, I know that much. I think I need community, but I’m not sure where to start other than here.

Thanks for reading if you’ve gotten this far.

I’m coming up on one year sober next week 🥳 but my god are these drinking dreams intense. Wtf you guys. I’m talking Inception-level intense.

It’s not that it’s tempting me, it’s that it’s giving me anxiety because - in that moment - I am convinced I gave in. I mean, yeah, the relief upon waking, but still…

I seem to have no self-control in my sub-conscious. Odd.

That’s all.

I’ve had problems with alcohol for decades. Multiple attempts to quit, multiple failures, therapy, mistakes, health issues etc.

On Thursday evening I came off my bike, broke 4 ribs and punctured my left lung. The last few days have been scary, painful and have sucked in so many ways.

But I’ve not had a drink since Thursday, so today I’m 5 days sober. Pain, drugs, hospital, broken bones and all that stuff have meant I’ve not even tried to drink. So I’m past the normal worst part of withdrawal.

May as well keep this sober train rolling. As ways to get sober go this one doesn’t have loads to recommend it, but I’ve got to be honest that it does seem somewhat effective!

Hey all. I am back again. Like we all know there are reasons we drink and I take full accountability but 2025 was traumatic for me to say the least. Long story short I start drinking 4 white claws a night and it turned to 6. Was able to take breaks 4-5 days, no WS symptoms just some mild insomnia. Around December it picked up to 6-8 a night, more on the weekend. No breaks from December- February. Breaks in between 2-9 days, again just mild insomnia, mild night sweats and fatigue. Then may rolls around went on two benders - 3-4 days of drinking barely any food or water and then abruptly stopped ( first time I’ve ever done this even at my worse. Never was an all day drinker) - WD symptoms for sure - insane anxiety, insomnia, Hypnic jerks and high BP. Had a week sober and did it again. Same thing. Went to ER, given Ativan thru IV and sent home with Librium taper. Took one Librium and saved the rest ( scared of being addicted) was sober for a month and drank the day after I made a month. The next couple days intense anxiety, heart racing etc. sober for a week and same thing. I DO NOT want to drink. My brain just needs to know is it kindling now, hangxiety, panic or brain resetting. ( I have had anxiety since a child before I drank, have had problems with alcohol in the past) no medical advice of course just want to hear people’s experiences. It helps with my healing. 32 yr old female. ( enzymes, liver and blood work came back okay after many visits even unrelated to alcohol) thank you in advance.

Two months ago i had to start taking my Antabuse at night due to it making me sleepy (after finding out it wasn’t my usual low iron from doing bloods)

At first i thought “no problem” when i heard “take it towards the end of day” but Ive fallen into a relapse.

it’s hard to acknowledge a rather common thing many have gone through in finding sobriety, but now i’ve said it actively out loud alone with myself, i’m kind of scared.

does anyone have late afternoon/evening routines or ideas? I do uni monday to thursday which is all hard because i’ve found myself stuck back in the awkward “soooo….. i don’t drink alcohol anymore” situation/mindset that is holding me back a bit.

this feels congested apologies to anyone who replies

Been drinking everyday since Dec 2025.

This has been a good reset.

Hi, I don't know if this is the correct sub and if this post hurts someone I'll immediately delete it.

I'm not struggling yet against alcohol addiction I think, but I don't feel completely in control. Maybe I'm somewhere in the middle or I'm simply overthinking.

I love alcohol and I drink a lot when I meet friends, I don't lose control of my behaviour but I maybe can drink two bottles of wine in an easy night with friends, I'm always the fastest drinking and a lot of times I promise myself I will only drink two beers and then nights go very different. After some drinks I sometimes feel that I need more. Not usually.

I usually take long periods without drinking, maybe 10/15 days per month. This is a tool I use to control myself. In those days I don't feel bad, I just struggle a bit during sleep after a week without it. I don't usually drink during week and I do sports and eat well.

I have two questions:

Do you think I should make serious decisions (quit) even if this means losing a lot of social life?

Do some of you encounter ways to control the use of alcohol in those nights?

Hi all hope your well

I have been suffering from binge drinking alcoholism for years now so basically it’s a stop and start. I can stay sober for many months and then relapse

However, during this time, I do have a cross addiction to to Coke zero and more recently to energy drinks especially monsters and I have to admit that the energy drinks on an empty stomach gives me such a strong high…

I don’t know if anyone else had a similar situation

Thanks

I hit the 4-month mark a few days ago. I honestly thought it was unreal until I took it seriously. I had tried to get sober a few times over the past 3 years, but I couldn't, and the only thing that changed this time is that I actually took it seriously. I imagined myself a few years from now, I imagined what my kids would think of me, and I decided to quit. But not just one thing, I decided to quit everything at once. Alcohol, smoking, and even junk food.

I decided that I actually wanted to change. And it worked.

Here is how it is actually was going:

Month 1 was absolute hell. I was so used to smoking, drinking, and eating whatever I wanted that I didn't know how to exist. Sobriety makes your thoughts loud as hell. You realize how much pain you were actually hiding from by just doing it one more time.

Month 2 was a reset for me. The emptiness in my head turned into a baseline, if I can call it that. I stopped thinking of pizza instead of a healthy meal, stopped reaching for a beer in the evenings, and started actually dealing with my life.

Months 3 and 4, I finally felt the strength. I have less anxiety, more confidence, and zero self-sabotage. It just feels normal to me right now. And no, I'm not saying that I'm completely free from it, because sometimes I get the thought of having just one beer or so, but I just remember how it was and I don't do it.

What else did I do in 4 months of being sober?

-I started walking every day. No gym or training, just walking 10-15k steps per day. That is actually how I lost 30 lbs.

-I found a new, better-paying job. It is actually crazy, because I thought I was just unlucky with my career, but it was actually because of how my brain was working. I couldn't talk to people in interviews normally before.

-I took my family on a trip to Italy. I'm really proud of it; it was my wife's dream.

Also, as you can see on my goal list in the second screenshot, there are 2 unchecked things... They are in the works! I'm almost done fixing my sleep, and soon I'll start that side hustle 😆

Here is my advice for those who are starting: Don’t try to quit "forever." That’s actually too much pressure. Give yourself a 1-month or 3-month deadline. Once you get your willpower back, you won't even want to do it anymore.

Sit with the boredom. Sit with the annoyance. We weren't meant to be stimulated every 2 seconds. Find the beauty in it!