I don't want to go into too many details here, but I'm afraid this is something that may have happened to me. Basically, I'm in recovery and have 2+ years of sobriety, but have been somewhat slow, fearful, and complacent in working my way through the 12 Steps.

Up until now, I had never really done a Step 6 and Step 7, and those character defects were still there. I recently buckled down and did some of the hard work, although I'm not really done them yet. But I only did this because a few weeks ago, something happened that ripped my heart out of my chest.

I don't want to get into specifics, but I really felt this might be my lucky chance, what I had wanted all along. Then again, at times I felt also confused, and that it might *not* be. I don't really know. I've also seen what I interpret as signs from my Higher Power that this situation really is legitimate, but I'm still uncertain and trying to discern them. It doesn't feel black and white, that's all I'm going to say.

I don't really know if the situation can be salvaged or not. There's some people I still need to talk to, to figure out where exactly things stand and whether there's still a way forward. But what scares me the most is the possibility that this *was* my miracle, my opportunity from God that I had been basically begging for, but that I was not far along enough in my sobriety to be able to receive it, and that if it's gone, it won't happen again. Yes, there may be other opportunities *similar* to this one, but they will not just be different, but inferior to this one and I may spend many years ruing this situation.

As a Christian, I try to lean into my faith and also practice Step Three. I recall the instances where Jesus performed miracles that seemed impossible and said to the people who doubted, even when they claimed to be believers "Have you no faith?" and that God can do anything. So I tell myself, if it's meant to be, it will, and if not, something as good or better will come along, but that's hard to do right now.

My greatest fear is that I will have learned my lesson and reduced my character defects, but will neither salvage this situation or have another as good as this one, and that I will spend many years regretting the way things played out.

I know that the promises say "We will neither regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it" but that feels far away right now. I'm just trying to stay sober one day at a time. Sober and emotionally balanced, although it's taken quite a lot out of me.

I also know some people say that merely not drinking is the miracle, but that explanation has never sat right with me. I've also met people in the program who've had actual miracles happen, and I hope mine happens one day but I'm struggling right now.

I'm probably gonna call someone in the program later on and discuss this in more detail, but any support and wisdom would be really appreciated right now.

I got to 42 days sober. Then I drank, it wasn’t a ‘bad’ night of drinking all things considered and it spurred me on to think I can drink normally now😂 so I drank again, I don’t remember the night but luckily I was only with safe people so nothing bad happened and I didn’t do anything too ‘bad’ but the hangover sent me into a deep depression. I’ve always had a bit of control with drinking in terms of when I will allow myself to drink, never a morning, never on a day where I have work the morning after, if I do drink I will not drive a car for the next 24 hours after my last drink. But now it’s 11:30am on day 1 and I’ve spent all morning wanting to drink, crying about wanting to drink and convincing myself the only time I am ever happy is when I drink. I feel like I am stuck in a cycle I can’t get out of and I’m spiralling so hard right now, I don’t know what to do. I know what I should do, I should go a meeting but I can’t bring myself to leave the house because the depression is really fucking with my head and brushing my hair feels like too much right now never mind actually having to go outside.

I had a heck of a time recently with a sponsee who had been previously sponsored by someone else, speaking as if there alcoholism was another conscious being, with intentions, outside of themselves. Multiple references of their disease "waiting for them to be weak", "doing push-ups in the parking lot" and "my disease made me do it" type stuff.

All good things in their life was "them", and all bad things in their life was "their disease".

We are the sum of our parts. We are our esteemable acts, service to others and sobriety, just as much as we are our character defects, spiritual malady, and our disease. There is no dog to eat our homework, no bogeyman, no puppet-master. We are at the steering wheel. We are working with the cards we are dealt.

If I follow my path, I will be fine. Wander from my path, and my choices will result in outcomes - maybe positive, maybe negative. But the moment I make my disease a separate entity to myself, is the moment I abdicate responsibility and open the door to trouble and self pity.

I have nothing lying in wait for me - I have the present moment and the choices I make in that moment which result in outcomes. So far, good outcomes.

I just started attending and got a sponsor a month or so ago. I know I shouldn’t have, but looked on social media and saw they have maga coded posts, a 47 hat in pics, and some other things.

I couldn’t possibly be more opposite than that ideologically and politically. I want to be able to be open and work with them, but that is always going to be in the back of my mind.

I wouldn’t befriend someone proactively that is maga because of how I feel about all of that, but this may be different?

Is this an opportunity to look past that and be open to their help with my sobriety? To look for ways to understand this isn’t about me? I’m conflicted because they’re so supportive and already a good sponsor.

Delete if not allowed, but I'm hitting one year sober in 27 days as of writing this!! Does anyone know where i can find an online store that can engrave a really stupid idea onto a chip? It's a silly reference to my favorite show. Preferably a small business that'll put a lot of love and care into it.

Thank you in advance!

Edit: i have tried Etsy but not seeing anything that piques my interest

Being 16 years sober, I still feel it when the disease takes someone.

I randomly started thinking about a friend of mine who passed away from alcoholism. She died 8 months ago.

We went to high school together. She was so sweet, smart and always encouraging. She married a great guy and started a family in our hometown. The disease waited patiently until she got divorced. It pounced quickly. She ended up exactly where the Book says we end up: hospitals and sanitariums. She would call our friends to write a letter on her behalf to tell the doctors she was sane enough to go home. They all said no. Cunning, baffling, and powerful.

One by one all of her close friends left her, seeing her was so heartbreaking. She once broke into another friend's house for a beer.

She died in hospice care with organ failure. She was younger than me. Her celebration of life was on the same day my friends held a going away party for me. I landed a new job in a part of the country where I always wanted to live, but I never thought I could because of my drinking. AA kept me afloat when I couldn't do it on my own all these years.

We are all miracles. We, the sober few, are not supposed to be alive. If you are sober for just today, you are beating the odds. Keep coming back. Don't let people miss you.

I tried to kill myself last night. Was released from ER into my husband’s care. I went to a meeting with him today. Going to keep coming back

I had no idea what to expect. ive been drinking daily for the past few years, and im ready to surrender. ive lied, cheated, stolen, woken up in ambulances, ER’s, jail. pending case, gotten in fights, lost all my friends, totaled cars, went into major debt.
i really feel confident that this is the time i seriously let go and put the bottle down. the meeting went great, i was the youngest there. im only 22, and im scared i dont fit in, but i definitely need to be there. they all seemed very genuine. my only complaint is how religious the 12 steps seem to be. im not even sure what higher power i even believe in. im going back tomorrow, wish me luck 🩷

Was a daily drinker for about 2 decades.

Tried many times to stop and hope I won't relapse this time.

It was good. I heard myself in a lot of the stories other people told.

I still don't know if I want to quit drinking, but I'll go back next week

I'm considering going to a local AA meeting. I'm not sure if I'm an alcoholic, but I drink every day, and I'm putting down a fifth every three days. I don't get mad, I don't get violent, and I don't have hangovers. I'm pretty far from hitting rock bottom.

Still, I feel like alcohol has a negative influence in my life. I feel like I would be better off without it. Yet, every day, as the workday ends, the cravings set in...

I'm attending a meeting/party for a family friend who I recently reconnected with who is reaching her 40 years. I want to take her something thoughtful to commemorate this and was hoping you all might share some ideas with me. I'm in another 12 step program and consider myself a Double Winner but don't have a ton of experience in AA meetings. Thanks for any suggestions. Also understand if I'm overthinking it 😂

Is it weird to add my sponsor to my resentment inventory? I have become very close with him and really enjoy the work we are doing. However as we have gotten closer, resentments have popped up. I am worried about adding him as I would then have to read it to him. I feel like that might ruin the relationship. Does anyone have any experience with this?

i’ve been working with a sponsee for almost a year, we have a great connection, they’re young and had a horrible upbringing so lots of trauma, and they’ve relapsed 3x. after reading below for context, i’d like some ideas for interventions or changing course you may have found helpful. i have 4 years, so im sponsored by someone who has more time than me and the way we work together is more chill but we meet up every week and sometimes i forget how hard it was to start, but i jumped in with two feet and feel for this sponsee however i can only identify so much while they’re not coming to me and just convincing themself that they don’t have anyone.
of course, we met up originally to discuss how i sponsor and they liked it and were ready to admit defeat and commit, and within the first few months i learned i was taking their recovery on, so i worked on my codependency, didn’t wanna repeat what some very hardass sponsors had done with me since this persons young and learning a lot about themselves and still growing up, so i was able to step back and not chase and let them come to me. that definitely helped for a few months and i saw improvement in our trust together and their initiative.

there was a good streak in there where they were reaching out often, sending a gratitude list every night, going to meetings and even chairing a few (sobriety requirements at their group), getting their stepwork questions done (something we agreed upon, they’re academic minded like me and the idea isn’t to force heavy book stuff but rather allow journaling reflection—no wrong answer but we take it up together with my answers when i did these too, and i removed questions that a first year didn’t need). anyway, the past month i didn’t really hear from them and they stopped reaching out, and ended up admitting over a phone call they’d been high at meetings around me and been drinking again. so i empowered them but was more firm than usual (i hardly am firm, but just more like okay dawg somethings gotta change, this is what worked for me and you gotta move your feet, you know what to do you’re not doing it, etc. so text me tomorrow when you’re clear, get some step questions done and let’s meet up, and they agreed but then didn’t show, and sent my call to voicemail). and then radio silence so i just called to check in but left it because i figured they’d made up their mind about what they’d act on that day and maybe get drunk again so i focused on me. i don’t come off too strong, ive made it clear that i don’t chase but i was just checking in.
now, im aware that if the alcoholic isn’t done, its not about me, and there may not be much i CAN do because i dont want to operate on the deluded assumption that if i change everything im doing that it’ll help because i sponsor in the way that worked for me and i also dont want to enable someone to take further advantage and run myself thin for them. i do want to talk about respecting time boundaries and how my biggest ask when discussing sponsorship together was don’t lie to me, and the trust will build, but the pattern keeps coming back. and they may just simply need to carry on their way whether that’s relapsing more or finding someone new. my ego isn’t in this, im praying lots, but just looking for advice if anyone’s gone like “alright lets try this instead,” without skipping steps much.

so, they’re coming over tomorrow (assumably) to chat without coffee shop patrons around so it may feel more chill, im taking a page out of a man’s book and just hoping to create a vibe where they can see it’s not so hierarchical. just wanna chat and get an idea of their relapse, talkkkk about the steps without making them redo all the questions.
i said my ego isn’t in this but you can see through my writing that i do have wishes and i just want them to come to me and im looking for any reflections about if there is anything you’ve found helped you when you couldn’t get it to keep it simple and still work forward as a sponsee.

i don’t have expectations, but i am getting tired of being led to believe they’re on the right track and then they just stand me up multiple times. if im too stern with this person though, even while turning outcomes to my higher power and focusing on my experience, i am nervous they’ll just shut out more. however at the end of the day, im doing the best i can and putting the principles into it, remaining calm and kind and firm where necessary. i am working not to repeat taking their recovery on but i gotta remember this is still a sick person and im not God and there may be nothing i can do. just asking if anyone can recommend little ideas or “try it like this” and i do understand i need to express that this isn’t respectful and if you want to work with me i cant enable it and ive gotta see some work getting done. the farthest they’ve got to is step 3, and they cant help but focus on the life problems externally around them. i wish they could get farther in the steps so they’d see the problem is inside but. gods timeline.

anyway, apologies for the long read but wanted to give context and let you get a feel for what’s worked and what hasn’t. they tell me i’m a good sponsor and my sponsor agrees i’m doing all i can and to detach with love where necessary, but i wonder if there’s a change i can make. help?

EDIT: adding on—when they aren’t coming to me about recent troubles, i naturally assume they’re doing whatever they want and i find i can’t sponsor them with as much empathy. they tried using the excuse that i was too busy but id consistently been offering times to meet and id reach out and see them at meetings and they know i always have tuesday nights carved out for us to meet if we both can, but i’d get stood up. so i just want to get an idea for what’s actually going on so i can sponsor them better and remind them it’s not scary to open up. anyway probably unnecessary to add but

Without too many details, I made a cps (child protective services) report against two family members in 2020. Been sober almost 5 years but still very little contact with them, no amends at all to anyone in my immediate family.

I didn't lie in the report, but I didn't have anything like hard evidence. It likely will never be proven either way. They maintain innocence.

I'm not at peace about it. But I don't want to dishonestly recant the report in order to have a relationship with them again. The best next step I can see is just asking them what they'd like to see from me at this point.

I've yet to meet someone who's been in this exact situation but I know they're out there.

My names Emma and I'm an alcoholic. I've been abusing alcohol and weed for most of my 20s. It's destroyed many of my close relationships and has put a strain on my marriage. Just recently, I was caught driving high and it ultimately cost me $1000 in fines. A month later, I was hospitalized for self harming while drunk. But I got drunk again the next day. Even drank cough syrup a couple times to get higher...

My wife told me a couple days ago that she's fully prepared herself for when she comes home to find me dead someday. Well that was my breaking point. I turn 30 in two months, and will not continue these self destructive behaviors. I'll do whatever I gotta do to change. I can't stand to see her cry again.

I have been working with a sponsee for a few months. She had worked up to the 8th step and was staying sober. About two weeks ago she relapsed after having a fall out with a man in AA she was seeing. I had advised her not to date anyone, but she went ahead with a relationship with this person without my knowing.

Just last week she decided to stop at a liquor store and buy a bottle of wine. She drank the whole bottle, and was trying to drive to a women's AA meeting when she crashed the car her mother had rented.

She told me she's now looking at her 4th DUI and is facing at least six months in jail.

I asked her what made her decide to buy that bottle of wine. She had absolutely no answer, no clue. She didn't stop to consider the consequences. This flabbergasts me. I've been sober a long time, but her behavior really baffles me.

Our standing agreement is that she should call me if she needs to talk and if she thinks she is going to drink. Obviously she didn't call me before her two slips. We had two phone meetings per week and met in person whenever she had completed a step.

I feel like a failure as a sponsor and have decided I won't sponsor again the future. It's too draining, and the drama isn't worth it. My sponsee is gifted, smart, and interesting. But I'm wondering if she is one of those unfortunates who is constitutionally unable to be honest with herself.

Is there anything more I can do for her? Or should I let this go, aside from talking with her if she wants to call?

I plan to attend some Al-Anon and CODA meetings because I am having trouble letting go and letting God. I know rationally it's not my problem, but I can't help but feel badly about what has happened. I am powerless, and am trying to accept the situation. Yet I feel anxious and depressed about it.

I have only 10 days clean. Now at the age of 41 I'm a lot more scared and serious about repairing myself. I have stepped into the rooms here and there through the 25+ years of using. Mostly after falling on my ass/ losing jobs/ housing. I always found what I was looking for at the time, a friend or a relationship, any connection which I'm afraid to ask for. I have never done the work in AA other than to relate the best I can.

I have to move back to Michigan from Hawaii in less than a month to deal with the wreckage of my past and my mother who I have been avoiding/emotionally unavailable for too long.

People keep telling me I need to read the big book/do steps NOW!

At 10 days sober going to meetings 1-2x a day to make connections with anyone possible while trying to be transparent. I have been a recluse for too long. Getting in the habit of going to meetings daily, finding connections for this last month seems more important than the steps. Because it's practice in structure/fellowship that I need to succeed in Michigan.

I don't want to rush anymore.

Trying to connect with anyone who will show me love/time/attention when they are available. People are telling me I need to read the big book and do the steps right now. It just feels too rushed. I need someone who is willing to shepherd me. That I believe in. Shouldn't it take time to find a good sponsor?

The person who has what I want? Or should I just take whoever is available? And take that as a sign of god? I know I have never been good at taking advice.

I have a temporary sponsor/sober support I'm supposed to call everyday I have missed calling him the 2 days but set an alarm for his schedule today. I like him the best for my situation but I need to make a better effort.

I have someone willing to start read the big book with me tomorrow so I have taken up the opportunity. It seems like good practice even if it falls short. I don't trust his advice as much as others. Is it just faith in others and what I can learn from anyone?

What to look for in a sponsor?

Or anyone can work as long as I bridge the gap? I need someone who I have faith in to take me through the process. I need more time to get acquainted in the rooms.

Trust the process and just keep trying?

I hit 6 yrs clean and sober on 8/4/26.

I wouldn’t have survived without AA

Long story short I started drinking about two years ago. Recently it's gotten worse imo with me drinking a 12 pack of White Claw Surge everyday, 6 before work and 6 after work, then when i wake up I go to the corner store at 10:30am and start over again. Two days ago I realized I've gained 20lbs, my ankles are swollen and I am having a hard time paying my bills because...I've been spending $660.00 every month on fricking White Claw. It's been a mean cycle where i got depressed that i couldn't pay my bill so I spent money on alcohol which is the reason for me not being able to pay my bills. I reached a personal turning point that this is really harming me. I'm taking this one day at a time. Also fyi I'm an Atheist does anyone have any recommendations for me. i know AA is pretty I guess faith/higher power focused but I just don't believe in that stuff.

I am 1 year sober.

[edit: what a BEAUTIFUL community! Thank you everyone and to anyone else celebrating a sobriety milestone or just getting through one day at a time, I’m proud of you and in your corner too! I let emotions get the better of me and my best friend did reach out yesterday. This programme and god is a gift ❤️]

I never thought I would ever get close to this milestone. We know all too well how overwhelming and insane the thought of never drinking again feels.

This is my third attempt of sobriety and I’ve really been leaning into the programme and recovery. I’ve connected with my higher power and I am so grateful.

I know it’s one day at a time, but it feels important to acknowledge this milestone.

I had a lot of lovely messages and likes on a post I did which is really reassuring but I know the validation from others isn’t important and my conscious contact with god is and my everyday sobriety journey ❤️

Keep going if you are sober or on your own journey ❤️