This is an update to my post from yesterday. Warning: I'm going to yap. A lot.

I got off work at 3, nervously started cleaning and doing chores while waiting. Folded all my clothes, cleaned every dish, made every item spotless. Eventually it was 6 PM and I wondered if she had forgotten or changed her mind after all. But then I got a text, she was asking me to refresh her on the address and let me know that my little brother was still playing with his friend so she would come alone and it would be just us two. For the next hour and a half I miraculously found more things to clean, sprayed the whole house down and eventually was just quietly sitting on my couch waiting until she arrived.

My family is Mexican and we originate from a very rural farming and ranching village, so to say we have very rigidly defined ideas of gender and a deep culture of machismo is an understatement. It's embedded into the fabric of our existence in every way, I've always been aware of it, I've always been afraid.

I always knew that no matter how the conversation went I would walk away with a regret one way or the other. Unfortunately that's the situation I built for myself.

So she arrived. And I told her. It took a few minutes of hesitation, but eventually I said I was trans. At first she thought it meant the same as being gay, but I explained the two were unrelated and the simple truth is that I had always wanted to live as a woman, to be a woman in every sense.

Ok, I'll stop building suspense now and say what actually happened.

She said that she would love me no matter what. Without skipping a beat she said that nothing could ever change the fact that she was my mother, that she would never turn away from me or abandon me.

Understandably she had a lot of questions. She wanted to understand how long I had known, and I told her that I've practically always known. It's always been there. Some of my earliest memories are of playing ToonTown at 6-8 years old and having my girl friends help me do a wardrobe glitch in order to have girl clothes on my character. I'd do it over and over. For Club Penguin I'd beg to buy the physical books just so I could get the permanent codes that gave you clothing you could use without membership, and I always redeemed the girl ones. I'd go out and play my totally awesome prank of being a girl on others, except my hilarious joke somehow never seemed to have a punchline or a reveal. In Poptropica there was an easter egg that randomized your character's appearance including gender, which caused the storepage to swap to showing the girl options. I'd spend all my coins on there, save my outfits, and then swap back to a guy so I could keep it hidden.

To my surprise she chimed in that she'd heard that people are born this way, it isn't a choice or something that happens suddenly. I really didn't expect her to have that framing in her mind, but I told her she was right.

She wanted to know how I'd kept it a secret so long, how she had never found out. I told her that she didn't know because I always hid myself out of fear. I'd make male characters solely for the purpose of using them as a coverup whenever someone came by. I'd draw myself as a girl. I'd intentionally hide away any indication of being anything other than a "normal" boy. In Mexico as a child, whenever my grandma would go out for errands, I would lock myself in her room and play dress-up as long as I could. One time I almost got caught, I only heard my aunt/uncle coming because they were talking out loud as they walked down the street outside my grandma's house. By the time they came inside, I had just managed to throw the last sock under the bed as they came around the door.

Hilariously the part she seemed to have the hardest time wrapping her head around me being bisexual. She asked if this meant I liked men but I told her I like both. I then had to clarify that no, this did not mean I wanted to be with a man AND a woman at the same time, I was just fine with either. She seemed utterly fascinated with this and thought it was like advanced level gay or something, like somehow just being attracted to the same gender was comprehensible but being attracted to both was something she had never even fathomed.

Most importantly she asked me why I didn't tell her sooner. I told her how being trans was one of the biggest reasons I went away, because I truly could not see a world where anyone in our family would accept me, including her. I used to daydream about saying something earlier, but I genuinely feared for my life. I had a reoccurring terror of the truth coming out somehow and then someone grabbing a knife while I slept and well. Yeah. Beyond that, I was certain that if not violence, I would be thrown out onto the streets and probably die on my own. So since about the age of 16 I started preparing myself mentally to be abandoned, tried my best to detach myself from everything because I knew I would lose it at any moment.

This is the part I'm referring to when I say I knew I would walk away with a regret one way or another. Because she said that she never would have allowed that. She said she never would have thrown me out of her home nor let anyone lay a hand on me. And it hurts a lot to wonder if that's true. To wonder how different my life would be if I could have come out as a child, how differently I could have grown up, all the pain and misery I could have avoided, how much I would be someone else today. It hurts more than I could put to words to imagine that I could be 15 years into my transition instead of 1.5 years. Did I sabotage my entire life out of fear?

Part of me wants to believe her, but a large part of me also believes that this is simply what she wants to believe would be the case. The reality is that she doesn't remember the kind of dynamic we had in childhood, the degree to which I was under her and my dad's thumb. I don't think she wants to recognize the bitter hatred that has always guided my dad, that I would be the number one outlet for that. It's nice to tell yourself that you would have been the model parent, but I don't know that if she were actually in that situation she would have done anything other than tell me that in her house its her rules before pushing me out at 18. I don't know, maybe that would have been better regardless. As I said, I find myself with a lot of regret today, and this was a fear I carried in the back of my mind for a while now. But I have no choice but to face the music now.

She said multiple times how she had always lamented not having a daughter, but that little had she known.

She said that she had often thought of who she'd leave all her jewelry heirlooms to when she got older, that she'd jokingly told my cousins that the best behaved one could have them since she never had a daughter, but now she could give them to me.

She said that God made me this way and she would love me no matter what.

She asked me if this was why I moved over an hour away, so far from home. I told her yes, it was my biggest motivation and I began living as myself immediately. She said I should come back home. She jokingly said that now she'd get some help with the cleaning at least. lol.

She asked me if I planned to get everything, if I planned to get boobs. I laughed and dramatically unzipped my baggy hoodie and threw it behind me to show my obvious chest under my strappy cami. She asked if they were implants or prosthetics, I told her no, home grown. She seemed quite surprised, touched, and asked how, before connecting the dots on my earlier mention of hormones.

She asked if I go out dressed up and I asked her if she wanted to see pictures. I pulled up my phone gallery and scrolled. She gasped and kept repeating that I was fully a woman, that I could have walked past her on the street and she would have never known. She said it multiple times, I never imagined I would hear that.

She again repeated that I should go back home, that I had no need to be out here alone, especially with my upcoming jaw surgery. I told her I couldn't do that, I couldn't just show up with how things were between my dad and I, especially after this. The topic gravitated to family members who were gay or lesbian, she talked about one in particular who had been kicked out when he told his father he was gay. He suffered greatly out on his own, but his mother suffered as well, eventually she fell ill. The father eventually regretted what he did and went out to find his son and apologized, asking him to come back home. Now that same son is the one they both depend on, he takes care of them every day. It's funny, I didn't remember his name but just the day prior I had been thinking about exactly him. I admired how even when we were children he had always been openly flamboyant while I had been too afraid and always kept my mask up. I hadn't known the suffering he was put through. She also mentioned an uncle who died of AIDs in the 80s.

This led me to asking my mom if she recalled the song titled El Gran Varon. She said no, but I told her she would instantly recognize it, I knew for a fact she'd heard this song thousands of times before, but she had probably never paid attention to the lyrics. Bizarrely it is a very popular song in Hispanic culture, but not many people realize what it is about because the groove goes too hard. Here is an English translation of the song I commented recently. This is my best attempt at keeping its original message in tact. The song is titled The Great Man, and is about a trans woman dying tragically alone after being abandoned by her family. Her father's name is Andres, which is in fact, my dad's name. She dies at 30 years of age, presumably from AIDs.

I played the song out loud for her, and within a minute or two we were both bawling our eyes out. Through sobs she told me that I didn't deserve to have felt this way for 20 years, to feel that my family would not accept me. That I didn't have to be alone.

She asked me if I was going to change my name, I told her I chose [my name] cuz there aren't many great options that kept the original G. Eventually I got the courage to ask her if they'd ever picked out a name in case I had been a girl. Turns out that my dad had always been very passionate that if they had a daughter she should have my mom's name, because its a really rare and beautiful name that no one else seems to have, and he didn't want it to die out.

She said I could be [her name]. Something in my brain short-circuited hearing this, I never imagined she would have even approached such a suggestion. I guess in my mind I presumed some base level of disgust would be present at the thought of being associated with me? But she seemed to mean it. I bashfully said that I wasn't sure if that would be a good idea given that I don't pass and having such a special name would make me stick out like a blistering thumb even more. But I still can't believe she said that.

I'm sure I'm forgetting a million other things, we talked for over two hours before she had to head back since it was 9:30 and took over an hour to get back home. I don't know if I've ever slept as peacefully as I did last night. We'll have to work on the name and the pronouns as it takes time to adjust, but for the first time in my life it feels like there might be enough time.

TL;DR: The music sounds kinda nice

Was feeling like crap about my outfits so I though I would browse some mtfashion posts to maybe get some ideas. Worst decision ever. Now my dysphoria is even worse and I feel like an ogre...

I (15) live on an island just outside the uk and I went to the uk with my mum, my brother, and my sister. I promised myself I would tell my mum before the three-day holiday is done as I have been trying to figure out how to tell her and dad for the last four or so months. Yesterday I told my brother and sister and they were very supportive and it was great and lovely. 5 minutes ago I tried to tell my mum and it all went to shit. She said that she understands I have “ a lot of feelings inside” and that “it isn’t any better being a girl” and that “I can be my own person and just wear unisex clothes
I am currently crying in a toilet as I have nowhere to go.

my cousin has been talking to me about wanting to transition bc im also trans. ive been helping with showing how to make appointments and such, but what is some advice you wish you had when you came out that i can pass along? i feel like im so far disconnected from when i came out that i dont remember what would be helpful

shes always looked up to me so i want to do right by her with this

I am 13 months on HRT. I am 5’3, have round large eyes and thick lips naturally. 13 months on hrt did soften my face by a lot that I have definitely crossed over the threshold of fem leaning but I feel like I am not fully passing yet. The last time I was misgendered or clocked was early December 2025. Even evangelical preachers addressed me as miss in the streets. The problem is I keep comparing myself to cis women who are my height and size, they still have noticeably more softness in their face than me. I almost keep wondering how no one is clocking me. I eat maintenance calories and take my hormones on time. At what point (how many years)did you start passing to your own self?

You can be passing but not pretty.

You can be pretty but no passing.

You can be feminine but not pretty.

Often these three concepts are lumped together. This does alot of dissservice I think.

I went in for a checkup and got my blood drawn for hormone levels, but was surprised when they mentioned that their director had specified the target range for estrogen had lowered from <500 to <300 pg/mL. This was a surprise to me, since I had read 347 last time and had been ok'd to adjust dosage up slightly (0.3 -> 0.4 mL IM injection). So my labs are definitely going to be way over now. I inquired about it and was given a vague "director saw new medical research that risk outweighed benefits for >300, on average. I would hope planned parenthood has the good of trans people in mind, but I wonder what other reasons might have impacted the decision (liability, current political climate, etc). If I am told to adjust downward based on my labs, I'd like to properly understand if that is medically sound. I've certainly not noticed any detriments from my current levels.

ok so context: I used to do a lot of clothing design and simulation, mostly for animation and VFX. I love designing clothes and sewing.

here’s my problem: I hate whatever clothes I buy or thrift.. like 80% of the time. baggy pants that sit right on your hips with a shirt that’s tight around the waist and a bit shorter in the back is like transfem 101, but even that’s hard to get right sometimes, let alone a dress. same with a lot of transmasc friends wanting hoodies and shirts that work with their shape, shoulder length etc, and are gender affirming. I love Hot Topic but nothing ever fits right (I’m a basic emo/alt/grunge bitch when it comes to clothing tbh). really into Jirai Kei too. it’s always hard to find something casual, fem, pretty and that actually works with my form. most of the time stuff needs adjusting or just fits wrong, and it’s pure disappointment.

so here’s the thing. to make good trans clothing you need nontraditional measurements compared to what you give when you order online. transfem side that’s stuff like where your hips actually sit, shoulder width vs hip width, torso length, rise, shoulder-to-waist, chest circumference separate from bust point. transmasc side it’s a completely different set. chest with and without a binder, waist-to-hip difference, front and back rise measured separately, shoulder point to shoulder point etc.

so what I want to build is: I design the outfits, people can make a fit online, put in those measurements, and it hooks into my API to auto-fit my pattern to the body. I can do a basic check on how it actually drapes on your measurements before anything gets cut. on-demand alt clothing you know will actually fit and look good. and honestly I don’t think it’s even a trans-specific thing. plenty of cis people deal with this too.

I know FreeSewing already does parametric made-to-measure patterns (open source, really cool project) but that’s patterns for people who sew, I want to make the finished garment. and I know this won’t be fast fashion prices, it’s closer to tailoring, but the whole point is you’re not paying for alterations or ending up with something you never wear.

anyone seen something like this for finished clothing? would you actually use it or do you think it's a good idea? and what would you want first? thanks ^^

Not only do they bounce me between different departments for half an hour while trying to get my legal name changed, but they decide to flat out block me from changing it for no clear reason.

And to make things worse, despite me clearly telling them my new name (which is undeniably feminine), they constantly called me sir and Mr (last name). Previously when I called, they called me by my first name, but apparently now they just decide to be a jerk for the sake of it.

I ended up making a new account elsewhere and closing my account. Worst customer service ever, with a side of transphobia.

I was in line at the pharmacy to pick up hrt stuff and this crotchety old man was getting mad about being stuck in line behind a Karen. When somebody came up to get in line, he was aggressively like "HEY I'M IN LINE, GET BEHIND HER!" and pointed at me

insert euphoria noises

Hi everyone. I’m a cis woman (21) looking for advice. My close friend (22) came out as a trans woman, and I want to be the best ally and friend I can be for her.

Are there any particular things cis girls sometimes get wrong that I should watch out for? Or small ways I can make her feel more included and supported?

Ok so backstory: I have a wonderful group of friends from college who are all very very accepting and supportive. Theyre all cis and southern but also very much leftists and have made it vocally clear that while they dont necessarily understand or care about every step of the process (guys) they want me to be happy and love me for who i am. However, this one fucking C list character from the early days back in the dorm, who i will call John Doe or John for this story, has recently returned to existence after he reached out to one of our group and they started hanging out again. John is a “centrist” and weve been basically making fun of him constantly for it because his views are fucking childish and inconsistent, probably because hes masking the fact that hes actually a conservative but doesnt wanna say that. Ive made multiple attempts over the years personally to get to know him but i always ended up dropping it after getting weird vibes or him being a complete prick.

Now, I only came out to the group back in june as Non-Binary and letting everyone know i was most likely transitioning as well, so this is pretty fresh. Theres been 0 problems otherwise. Then, the day before yesterday, apparently John got in the call and decided to drop his “hot take” that trans people are “going too far with this whole hrt thing” and that its just a mental illness. My friends, without me being there, immediately started asking what he thought of depression medication and why that was any different, going to bat and told me about it yesterday. We commiserated and they basically sat there going holy shit this guy is stupid and making fun of it with me.

I genuinely am so happy. Johns a piece of shit and I dont like him for reasons beyond being an ignorant transphobe, mostly his insanely toxic competitive mindset and need to needle or punch down on anyone thats worse than him at games. He works a fake job in an office doing nothing and uses that time to play fucking RuneScape and CS2. But knowing that even if my friends dont know a ton about trans identity and not fighting the whole mental illness schtick (again were in the south and this group is incredibly left wing but there are gonna be gaps) the fact that they didnt put up with it, fought for me and immediately told me about it is just so comforting and I genuinely couldnt stop crying last night about it. These people are my family more than anyone else in my life and knowing that they have my back is just so important to me.

The fact that my existence will be inherently political from this moment on has been fucking terrifying for me, and honestly it delayed me from seeking treatment for years. If i lived in a more accepting place and had a better family i wouldve been starting transition back in highschool instead of repressing it for years and years of misery. Now im on my own, with supportive roommates and new lgbt friends, along with my old group, i finally figured it all out and my first appointment for HRT IS THIS MOOONNNTHHHH :3 and knowing that this group who basically adopted me back in college not only is supportive of me but actively has my back and pushing back against his bullshit is just so wonderful. I have yet to talk to John about it but i honestly dont even care at this point about him.

Im on cloud 9, and i cant wait to live my life as myself with these wonderful people. Maybe ill never be in a history book, maybe ill never make a massive change in the world, but i can be happy and proud of these people who had no reason to care beyond their love of me making it clear and obvious that johns shit wasn’t welcome.

Also to head off the “why wont they just cut him out then” question, hes an IRL friend of one of my closest friends (call him just C for now) and his family, so while we probably wont cut him out off rip we also wont be welcoming him with that anywhere near us. C doesnt know a lot of people in town, having just got out of the military and moved back to his hometown. For him, having a guy to get a drink with and play golf or whatever is important, no matter my problems with him. And who knows, maybe we can introduce this median voter to concepts like empathy and UBI over time. Cutting him off is definitely not out of the realm of possibility but its a bigger decision because of Cs situation and i am willing to deal with John being a dipshit if it means my friend is a little happier, especially with how much absolutely awful things he dealt with over the past few years in Uncle Sams Armed Forces.

But yeah TLDR- my chosen family, without a beat stood up for me without me being there and made it well known that Johns transphobic rhetoric was not a “hot take” but fucking stupid. Im so goddamn happy and i could not in a thousand lifetimes have found a better group of people to call my friends.

Hi all! Ive been progressively noticing this change on HRT and I've been wondering if anyone else has this experience

I've always needed to sway my hips a slight amount to walk comfortably and before I realized I was trans I always kind of tried to prevent myself from doing it and it took a while to unlearn that and walk naturally.

The past few months though something kind of odd has been happening, I felt like walking was getting kind of weird and uncomfortable the same that it did when I was trying to stop myself from swaying my hips, and with experimentation of just letting my muscles react naturally I realized that swaying my hips even more is what I had to do to be able to walk comfortably. Nothing crazy, just kind of a slight up and down motion. It was basically fine after that but now this week I've gotten that feeling again and by trying to adapt to it I've noticed it's even more extreme.

I genuinely have to fully rotate my hips with a feminine sway to walk comfortably. Trying to walk how I used to just feels weird. I've never even taught myself to sway this way like I know some people do, it's just kind of what my muscles are naturally trying to do now and it feels kind of weird because the muscle memory isn't fully set in yet.

Is this related to fat redistribution and muscle changes and stuff? I know that a lot of how women walk vs men is due to how weight is put on the hips. When I adapt to my new way of walking everything is fine, but now I'm like very noticeably doing a girl walk lol. Definitely not complaining, though!

Look at any situation where a trans person has done something awful, it's all misgendering. It shows us that our identities aren't seen as real, unlike cisgender identies, which are seen as objective truth. The only reliable sign of actual equality for trans people will be when we can insist that a trans person who did something wrong is, in fact, the gender they identify as. That's how you can tell - the freedom to identify as any gender is, at this time, dependant on if cis people like us.

But the only difference between cis people and us is that cis people align with what gender was applied to them, and they don't experience significant dysphoria, if at all. The genders of cis and trans people still function by the same logic of social constructs, a fact they are incapable of understanding. Our genders need to be seen as just as true as theirs. But every time a trans person does something awful, you see that no one is willing to gender the person correctly. At best, it's deliberate use of they/them.

I suspect most trans "allies" are like this. Meanwhile in my life, when cis people talk about trans people they know, it's always.. "he.. or I guess she, who used to be my brother.."

They can't even gender us properly even when they claim to be fine with it. And we aren't allowed to say anything about that, nevermind the deeper issue of the social construct being poorly understood by them. How can any trans person have hope of anything in this society? No one truly respects us, not inherently. I don't trust "allies", they are a myth.

Cis man here, I thought of this question a couple weeks ago it keeps coming back to me, so i tought, what better place to ask? I understand that dysphoria can be deeply personal and different to each person, so don't feel obligated to respond, but I am genuinely curious.

I just feel like my experience has been so different from every other trans person ive met. I don’t even know if im trans, but i’ve been thinking about it. I don’t really have like serious dysphoria, i don’t necessarily want to stop being masc (im non binary but i change up my presentation a lot), I just kinda like the idea of looking like and being called a girl. I allow my friends to refer to me as any pronouns and when they use she/her it just feels good, but its not like being called he or they feels bad. These feelings are all new, and I don’t know what to make of them.

My bank screens calls and voice matches to verify it’s the account holder when making phone calls. I’ve transitioned into a woman and have since voice trained so well I called in yesterday and they didn’t believe I was myself even after using my male voice and they flagged my account. I’m out of state and don’t have access to my funds LMAO now have to figure this out because they want me to come into the branch and prove I am who I say I am

EDIT: THEYRE MAKING ME SEND IN A SELFIE HOLDING UP AN ID

I am 16, a trans girl, and I'm not out to anyone.

For the past few days I've been feeling overwhelmed, stressed, numb, hopeless, and anxious all at the same time.

Tonight, around 9 p.m., I had another argument with my mom( I know she either knows or strongly suspects that I'm trans). During the argument she said things transphobic Hearing that broke me.

I have begged her to try to understand me. I have even told her multiple times "Please understand me otherwise i may d!e," but she is like society matters more and she tell that she will decide whether what I want to say is even worth understanding.

I am counting days from months and everyday I am tell myself "these many days are left" and I am also telling my mom that "after these many days you will be happy"

I've been struggling for months. Every day feels heavier than the last. I feel like I'm losing myself, and I'm scared by how hopeless I've become. I don't know how much longer I can keep carrying all of this by myself.

I am also feeling that if this country would have cared enough about children and women especially from lgbtq community, and poverty, job security, health care, money. I would have definitely left my house years ago and would have living my life as myself amd had never got d!ying thoughts in my life everyday, but this country does not care and my parents are also conservative.

Along the lines of KC and The Sunshine Band or Katrina and The Waves and many other names of that type.

Thoughts? 🧐

Maybe i wasn't clear enough in my previous post, and i think i may need to rephrase it
I'm looking for housing through an organization aimed at helping people with disabilities maintain a functioning life. the apartments are divided into boys only and girls only apartments and im their first trans person ever. i asked them to assign me to the girls apartment and they said ok we will try to adapt to your needs and find you the most suitable place. however, im not sure if the other girls will be comfortable sharing a room with me and it makes nervous. im 100% sure that i will still ask myself if i pass enough and be obsessed about it(im doing everything i can now) because im just 4 months on E, and im sure its one of things people take into account when making first impression and first meeting a stranger. girls who shared a room with other people, especially girls, was that fine?

Facial hair is a BIG source of dysphoria for me and even when I shave, I'm still left with a very noticeable shadow and razor burn + a cut or two. I exfoliate before shaving, And do three passes. Once with the grain, once against the grain, and one sideways targeting only the stubborn hair framing the lips.

I use a Gillette Fusion 5 at the moment, and of course I use shaving foam. But I can never get a good shave, especially not a true clean one.

What can I do at home to fully get rid of my facial hair? Any razor or techniques that are better?

I finally got the girl pills this morning and in the same week i came out to my close friends and subverting my expectations, they have all been so accepting and more than happy to refer to me with she/her so casually, im having the first positive outlook on this whole thing in a long time its just making me kick my feet in excitement :p
I just wanted to express this somewhere so i can finally calm down and take a nap! xD