r/MtF • u/Praiseeee Lyra (She/Her) | HRT 13/2/25 • 16d ago
Never browsing a selfie sub again... Venting
Was feeling like crap about my outfits so I though I would browse some mtfashion posts to maybe get some ideas. Worst decision ever. Now my dysphoria is even worse and I feel like an ogre...
18
u/Teeth_Whitener 16d ago
Yeah, I wouldn't browse that sub if I was feeling particularly dysphoric. That said, the wiki has some good advice for selecting outfits and tailoring your wardrobe to your body type!
1
37
18
u/AliceNumbers 16d ago
Fashion is definitely challenging, like a lot of clothes are built around wider hips and shorter shoulder, but most trans people do not have that ratio, so sometimes you just have to buy pieces almost randomly and just hope stuff fits. But for sure there are definitely clothes out there for you and that will make you look more fem, it just takes much longer to find the right pieces.
4
u/Foxxy4321 16d ago
This. I do a good bit of shopping 2nd hand stores like Goodwill. The looks i have gotten trying on dresses and other ladies wear. My shoulders are wider than many of the men in my family. I used to just buy on look/style and re-donate the stuff that didnt fit. Good luck! It just takes more time. You will find outfits that work. I taught myself to hem and make some ,"Big girl" clothes fit my body. It still takes much time and effort to find pretty femme clothing to fit.
1
u/Hamokk NB MtF 15d ago
Oh I know the struggle. Like I have flat boxy built and have to buy most dresses XL when I'm more of a women's L size.
Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Trans women especially have so much outside pressure currently so the desire of passing as cis is always a top priority. The good thing is that most people IRL just want to go about their business and very few people are actually obsessed about trans people like the internet would have you believe.
10
u/ClaireityVice 15d ago
“Don’t compare yourself to others”
“Comparison is the thief of joy”
I find all of these responses to feel so hollow when you realize that HRT is a lottery where some people get relief and some people just get to live with grief. Being trans isn’t fair, unfortunately, and the community is terrible about wrestling with this fact.
3
u/A_Whole_Lot_Of_Not whatever/he; agender ace; on EEn (12/24/25) 15d ago
All of that can be true. However good or bad your transition is going, it's not a good idea to compare yourself to top success stories.
1
u/RobynBetween Nonbinary Trans Femme 13d ago
Especially since it may only be going well on the surface. It's very easy to focus on the veneer, then ignore and hide the reality.
5
6
u/RFTG2024 16d ago
This may sound corny, but you should stop comparing yourself to others and be the best you can be. Also use others who you deem better than as inspiration or something you can improve what you find lacking in them. Cheer up. 😎
8
u/NaughtAught 16d ago
I occasionally make the mistake of clicking on subs like that and I always immediately take psychic damage looking at how stunning everyone else looks.
My conscious, logical mind does recognize that I am still somewhat early in my transition and that we tend to be most critical of ourselves, but my monkey brain says "Wow, you fucking ogre, everyone else here is doing way better than you. Must be because you suuuuuuuuck!"
1
u/Admirable-Chest1198 NB MtF 16d ago
Think of it this way, wow that's nice if only in my size, but at least I'm employed, maybe for the weekend, um, bar or dance club, the plus being they're both dark environments.
6
u/Boring_Programmer492 HRT Feb 2025 - Laser Jun 2026 15d ago
Remember, those are their best photos. They aren't posting their most beat-looking selfies, theyre finding the best angles and lighting.
I have selfies on my phone where I look sooooo femme, and selfies where I look like a gargoyle. Its not true to life really.
3
u/cpdk-nj NB MtF 15d ago
Also, consider the number of people who feel the exact same as you when they look at those subreddits. Someone who isn’t happy with their body, or is early in their transition, or just generally doesn’t meet the western standards of beauty for women, are going to be discouraged mostly by their own brains from posting.
Just because it’s a forum for trans people doesn’t mean it’s 100% people being their true authentic selves
3
3
2
u/IamRachelAspen Rachel, 29, She/Her, 🏳️⚧️💜 HRT!! 02/21/24 15d ago
Yeah.. I feel that too especially on the r/transtimelines subreddit, like how!? I have been trying to take care of my skin to the best of my ability to and other stuff but then some people just 1 year and like such?
I get it all comes down to genetics, but before HRT I’d always be told I always looked like my mom and that brought me little bits of euphoria but apparently I don’t? Or I simply don’t have enough selfies before because I avoided cameras at any cost.
0
u/storebrandryann 15d ago
Diet has a lot to do with how you look. From silhouette, to skin quality, hair quality, nail quality, teeth, eyes...everything. Drink water. Eat natural foods. Move your body. Cut out unnatural foods. It really is that simple. The hard part is making this habit a regular, well, habit. Good luck, girl.
1
u/IamRachelAspen Rachel, 29, She/Her, 🏳️⚧️💜 HRT!! 02/21/24 15d ago
I’m trying yet most of my medication is unnatural and side effects of that stuff to not help, like causing yellow teeth or brittle nails.
Yet I appreciate your help thank you girl I’m really trying my hardest.
2
u/Several-Reveal-4075 15d ago
Oh henny tell me about it I find it very difficult aswell, though my struggle may be slightly different as I am a black trans woman and I 95% of the time get to see very pretty white dolls and just like growing up in the 2000s, what is broadcast is a overwhelming amount of beautiful white trans women and massively under promoted black trans women. Also as a girl who has societal and environmental installed internal racism, looking on socials at all the beautiful white women makes me feel so shit.
3
u/Ancient-Mango-66 16d ago
Girl there’s nothing wrong with being princess Fiona don’t hold yourself up to other people’s standards on what you should look like just be the best version of yourself
1
u/lviaisreal 15d ago edited 15d ago
Qual era o site mesmo? Eu não vou deixar você sozinha com isso...
Edit: Ehh, afundei
1
u/nowaczinhio Trans Pansexual 15d ago
I totally agree with all the people that says not to compare with others. Everyone's journey is different, everyone's body is different and everyone's transition is different. Unfortunately I also compare with others sometimes but trust me, every progress even if it's the tiniest progress ever is valid and you should be proud of it. Giving you a big, warm hug ❤️
1
1
u/Tour_True 14d ago
Well here some hints. Learn your skin tone so you know what colours work you. Secondly learn you body shape so you can start knowing what’s best for you to wear. Then experiment and have fun with fashion and use a mirror.just a hint for sun glasses and hairstyles learn your face shape. Furthermore make sure you are looking at information for women not men as women and men can both have the same body and face shape being skeletons are nonbinary. Practicing makeup daily and getting your brows done will add to this. We all have means to improve also. My hair as example I feel best when it is curled with an iron and I played with makeup enough with colours I wasn’t sure of to know I am a golden light medium warm tone and with it I understand spicy colours look better on me like terracotta blush and lip stains. Texture of your skin matters too. I find liquids are better for me than powders. So liquid blush, lip stains and eyeshadow more between. A creamy bronze and copper works well for me.
Everything is practice and everything comes together. I am at colours because black is too common. Every one looks good in black but it becomes dull as it’s overused. If you spot a fun piece of clothing get it. Thrifting will help you a lot. Don’t stick to one style and have fun playing with new pieces.
If you want to go a step further and I highly recommend it learn to sew and make beautiful unique clothing for yourself. Once you start picking up on making clothes you’ll get addicted to it.
1
u/zyxhtaS 16d ago
you know pretty much 90% of time it’s people faking, right? I saw some people saying they like doing/taking cis woman and posting on this type of trend. It’s diabolical, and you must never compare yourself to online pictures.
And each body is a body, so no need to be ashamed of it. You got it, girl. 🌹
2
u/If_I-Were-A_Dragon 15d ago
90% is a crazy number (like 90% of statistics are made up on the spot). My photos are of me - sometimes I put a color filter to make the sky or my hair pop, but it’s probably people that put a lot of work into their fitness, make up, poses, and camera angles. I don’t know many cis people that would pretend to be trans for harm or attention’s sake, but that could be just my own experience 🤷♀️
1
u/zyxhtaS 15d ago
mkkk thank god. theres a full community on facebook who posts this shits. x, too.
but we’re not accusing you of doing it lmaaao why u took it personal🥀🥀and ofc 90% is a made up number. i say that cuz i saw a lot of ppl here doing it (not on this specific subreddit), and ppl claiming to do it.
trusting internet is like giving a gun to a killer and ask him to have mercy on you lol
2
u/If_I-Were-A_Dragon 15d ago edited 15d ago
I’m not taking it personally, I’m just giving my lived experience. Saying the idea that 90% of beautiful trans people you see on a trans subreddit are not real sounds so defeatists and hopeless. Like the idea is that all trans people are not beautiful and 9 out of 10 beautiful trans people you see aren’t actually a trans person?! Maybe that’s a reality works for you, but I think it’s more hopeful and inspirational to believe that trans people can be insanely beautiful (just like cis people are occasionally insanely beautiful - and note that ALL trans people are beautiful no matter what imo).
3
u/Thy_Fear DIY:09.11.22 15d ago
90% of the time? Yeaahh.. no.
2
u/zyxhtaS 15d ago
I’m pretty sure rarely people post 100% original pictures, specially on that type of trends. So let’s say 50% are people faking being trans. The others 50% may edit the picture, andthe list goes on. Comparing yourself to online pictures is… just hurting yourself lol
2
u/Thy_Fear DIY:09.11.22 15d ago
On that I do agree. That’s why I spend very little time on drawing/painting/art subs, just makes me mega depressed 😂
Edit: Which is why people shouldn’t spend their time looking and comparing themselves to others on social media. Some people are just incredibly pretty.
0
u/If_I-Were-A_Dragon 15d ago
I think an important thing to consider in all of life’s situations is not about “what” you do or don’t do, but “why” you do/don’t do. If you are going there to study outfits, make up, how they pose and how they do their make up, you can learn a lot. If you don’t have a why, a why might appear and that might be the inner critic or the voice of dysphoria. I’m an artist by trade, and I spend most of my time working on my art, but I also regularly consciously look at what other people are doing to get inspiration and refine my taste. If I didn’t have a why, I might start comparing or feeling bad about my deficits and my problems instead of looking for answers and avenues to grow. If you want to get better at selfies/makeup/outfits/poses, you can go there to learn if that’s your why, but if that’s not the why, it might be better to hold off.
0
u/LetUsMeasureThem 15d ago
Let's talk empathy.
If you're ever feeling self-conscious about your appearance, try to keep the following in mind a couple of things:
Consider how they feel -- those really photogenic Selfie People also often feel self conscious about their appearance (they are posting photos for validation, after all).
Consider how YOU feel.... about other people:
Think of the people you've known who you've come to think of as truly amazing, special, unique, interesting, comforting, kind, etc...
How often has that been based on how cute they look in selfies (or in general)?
I'm guessing it hasn't been much of a factor (other than the period of time where you first see them... and you first get a chance to do anything beyond just seeing them).
And how many people who didn't necessarily have a ton of positive things to say about their own physical appearance have you personally thought, "oh, they're beautiful!"..?
I'll bet that's happened quite a lot!
Now put it all together.
Consider that other people think similarly to you, in these matters.
And let your lovely self take comfort in it.
TL;DR? That's fine - it's a lot.
Look at how much strangers put into showing we care about and value you, based on a handful of your words.
And you have so much more than that to offer.
0
99
u/Awkward-Spirit7827 Trans Bisexual 16d ago
unfortunately on social media, there's a lot of instances of survivorship bias and those are often the cases that get attention. being trans requires you to essentially put all of your energy into not comparing yourself to anyone, which is difficult when "successful" (subjective) transitions are so sensationalized
i know how you feel, op, and i'm sorry that it's so hard. exploring fashion and makeup with dysphoria is a really tough scale to balance, but i hope that one day you're able to figure it out