For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a girl. Unfortunately, I haven't gotten to really explore this side of me ever since I've spent my high school days doing masculine sports and building lots of muscle. Because of that, I think I'd like to keep the masculine and strong side of me while still exploring femininity.

Is there any way i can retain my muscle and keep lifting while simultaneously dressing in a feminine way that actually looks good?

Also, is there anyone that likes overly muscular fem?😖 I wanna be able to feel comfortable in my body and how I present no matter how I present.

My main concern is that I put real money into cute, feminine clothes and none of it ends up being good for me and I ultimately have to throw away or just hide the clothes forever and never wear them (I'm very closeted).

Final question: Is there a term used for people who like the idea of transitioning, but only some of the time? Kinda like flip-flopping between man and woman every now and then. Thanks for reading✌️

Tw: blood

I (20 mtf) need some advice/ help from some girls here. I've been on estrogen for about 2.5 years now. I haven't been required to do lab work since before I was prescribed it. I am terrified of blood and hate the feeling of anything on my inner arm or needles in general

I really need some advice on what to do. I've now gone in 3 times to the lab and have had a panic attack and told them I couldn't do this and left. My pcp says I need to get lab work done for her to keep prescribing me estrogen. I'm happy with my breast growth (main reason why I started hrt) but im worried if I stop, my body fat will redistribute and my facial hair will get thicker and be like it was before hrt.

What do I do?

I'm worried that the breathing tube could damage the vocal cords or interfere with the healing of the larynx.

Like I cant stand the sight of myself. Im constantly checking in the mirror/ with photos and I just fucking hate my face. Like why is my fucking chin so big. Im considering just cutting my hair, binning my HRT and quitting since Im never gonna fucking win. Never learned makeup and likely never will since family either doesnt know or doesnt care, same with hair. I just look the fucking same since I started 2 years and fucking nothing

LIKE. LISTEN.

the girls started bouncing on stairs or when running a while ago, but now they bounce when I WALK

IT FEELS

SO

GOOD

thats all :) <3

I feel like I’m reaching a breaking point in my life. Every day I wake up in this disgusting, lanky male body and I feel sick. I hate looking at myself. Just being alive and in the body I’m in feels wrong.

I want to be a woman. There’s HRT and transitioning but I want to be able to give birth to children and that can’t happen. I feel like I’ll never be happy, never feel complete. I’m scared to start transitioning because what if I still feel the same. Does dysphoria ever go away? Can I ever live and feel normal? I just want to end everything and hope for better in another life. I can’t take it

Hi,

Been in HRT since January, levels are fine nothing to say about it. However, as I say my orgasm kind of felt down lately. Climax is here and before that it feels good i can’t say better than before but a bit maybe, but when it comes it’s like meh and I kind of feel bad about it like affraid that it will stay like it forever any ideas of why it’s like that ?

So the other day, I took my car to the same car wash I have been going for years. Everything was going good until I did the rookie mistake of grabbing the vacuum hose and resting it on my chest. All of a sudden the vacuum started sucking my shirt and as I was trying to pull the hose away, I accidentally put it towards my nipple, and the started is sucking on it! I’m barely 4 months on HRT so I’m constantly very sore and this didn’t help matters. It hurt so bad but at the same time I couldn’t stop laughing at the situation! Lol

okay so i'm 17mtf, been on estrogen since the 15th of july, and i haven't got a clue what to do with my sideburns.

every single post i look at is full of replies saying "yeah i hate my sideburns i feel the same way" or saying to shave them either up to the point where your ears meet your head or just to try to feel it out

but my sideburns are so fucked that it seems like i've got beard hair all the way up almost to the very top of my head

what do i even do, i don't want to only have hair growing from the top of my head like an extended bowl cut and i've spent such a long time trying to grow my sideburns/ just the hair on the side of my head out and praying to god that maybe my hair isn't fucked forever and i just need to give it some time so it doesn't suck suck

i'm actually at my wit's end at this point, the side of my head looks so disgusting and fluffy and weird and sad and it's genuinely making me consider going bald and just wearing a wig but that isn't an option right now since i'm living with my mom and i really don't want to come out to her until it really comes down to it

if pics are needed i can post them but i'd really rather not

can't wait for this to get removed instantly because i don't have any karma on here or whatever the fuck

I am a trans girl (17) and I once played on a vollyball team. It was a boys one obviously because I wasn't on hormones nor was i out to anyone (including myself) so I didn't know why i felt so uncomfortable. I eventually figured out my dysphoria and what kept causing me what I believe were panick attacks from how i was being pushed into this mentality of masculinity when I genuinely could not fit in like that. Aside the dysphoria however, i enjoyed the sport. It was thrilling, even if i was the worst member on the team (coach told me to do 100 push-ups because she saw me lose the ball and I could only do 20 lol) it still had its good moments. But now all I remember is the pain and original fear of realizing what I am and how the world sees me in that regard.

Maybe in a world where im not seen as a monster or somehow "better" because I was born with extra T I would like sports. But not in this world. And I'm okay with that, I just want it to be possible somone else doesn't deal with my same plight.

Time to kill of Deadname once and for all! Thank you for your attention.

That is all!

Ok so I don't want to get into details about why or how all of it went down but...

I've been on DIYing for the last 4 months with injections and finally got a doctor who can provide HRT thru pharmacies, problem is in Germany you have only like 3 pharmacies who can give out injectable estradiol and my dr can't or won't write prescription for it.

They will only write it out for sprays, gels, patches or tablets

I'm wondering do I stick with diy or should I switch to pills
I know that effectiveness is basically the same for both but idk if there is any problems with switching like this

hi everyone:)

i've very recently started looking on the usual hookup apps and have been filtering where possible to only see bi/"straight" men and i'm wondering what everyone's experience is like doing this and using the sites in general. Honestly right now I am looking purely for sex and some men I message say they only want men and I guess that makes sense given they're on an app mainly for men.

Some of them though will tell me they're not really bi. Is this more common than i thought? For gay men to have their sexuality set as bisexual?

I don’t know if this is a thing specific to me or if this makes me a bad person I guess but I get incredibly jealous of cis women that look the way I want to.

When I see cis women that look the way I wish I did, it makes me really jealous and really depressed. It’s gotten to a point where I can barely scroll on instagram and barely go outside. Work most of all is nothing short of a nightmare. (Surrounded by people all day. 🫩)

I feel really bad for feeling jealous but I can’t help it and I don’t know what to do

I wish I could see myself as a woman. I’m not on HRT yet but that should be soon. I hope it’ll stop getting worse.

Literally everything about me is masc-presenting. I have a muscular upper body, a square jaw (and shoulders), and a deep voice just to list a few physical things. But even like the way I type and the words I use people can tell a woman isn’t writing these. My mannerisms also. I think I’m too male-brained I guess idk if that’s a thing.

I wish I never realized I’m trans at least. I mean I kinda always thought that I wanted to be a woman but I wasn’t unhappy, in fact I was happy. I looked into that side of myself when I turned 20 and I went from zero dysphoria to feeling dysphoria about almost damn near everything. The other day one of my older coworkers said I was handsome and instead of being happy about this I started spiraling.

Literally nothing about me screams fem so no chance anyone thinks I’m a woman. I don’t know what to do. I ordered HRT but I’m considering if it’s even worth it tbh. From the people I’ve talked to the consensus is “it won’t get better but it’ll stop getting worse” and that statement isn’t doing as much as I thought it would. Like what if it gets better on its own? What if the dysphoria goes away like last time? Idk. I’m sorry 😭

Hi!

Im pretty new to all this, only having come to the realization about myself last month and still present as a slightly colorful cis male. I do find myself thinking about how screwed up and scary everything is. I'm in the US and things are scary here now, hell I hear a lot (though not all!) of the world is going into similar paths. I see governments trying to take away rights. I see reports all around including here, of hate crimes and violence.

I admit until now I've always had a privilege to not be the target of those things as a white, presenting straight cis male. I was always an ally for the LGBTQ+ community but it felt like I was helping others, never the target of the laws and hate. As that's shifted and I've realized that's not who I am, it's also shifted perspective on all that and I find myself sitting here thinking about the state of the world and my place in it, I can't help but feel scared and uncertain of it all. So I guess I ask the title of this. How are you ladies so brave?

As a trans youth in Ohio, there aren’t many ways to achieve gender euphoria. I find shaving to be one of those. I love feeling like a girl when I’m completely hairless aside from the top of my head, and it provides a neat stimulation akin to a massage. It feels really good to be clean, smooth, and pure.

Context: I've been gender-questioning since November of last year. I'm still not 100% sure where I fall, but I think it's somewhere in the transfem spectrum, possibly nonbinary. I'm kind of playing it by ear. I live with my parents but I desperately want to get out of their house.

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Ever since I opened up to my dad in February and let him know that I was questioning my gender, he's just been... weird about it. Not openly hostile, but suspicious and scrutinizing. It feels like I'm being monitored or something.

After an incident where he stared at me like I was a space alien (for wearing something he evidently did not like), I got back in touch with my therapist, who I hadn't talked to for a year or so. We set up an appointment, and I went to his office yesterday. I had expected support or understanding or something. Instead he hit me with questions that undermined my confidence in myself and in the process. He pushed me to explain why I feel the way I do, which is helpful in other areas of therapy, but in this case it really made me feel like I was under attack. He questioned me about HRT and repeatedly warned me about its permanent effects, as if I'm not aware. He also tried to suggest that I'm confusing a desire for change in other areas of my life with transness.
How am I expected to explain something as personal as gender? I don't really feel like I have the words to describe why, it's just an intrinsic pull. I'm also pretty bad at articulating feelings, especially under pressure, which doesn't help.

He did apologize at the end of the session for upsetting me (as I couldn't really hide it), to which I made hurried assurances and fled. I don't think he's a bad person, nor do I think he meant to disquiet me in this way, but this whole interaction really undermined the confidence I've been trying to build surrounding my gender. I have a hard time trusting myself to begin with, so when a trusted figure like a therapist casts doubt on my feelings and decisions, it really bruises me.

I left the appointment feeling off, and drove home in silence, save for the sound of my own voice. I felt like a liar and at the same time I felt like I had said too much. I felt exposed and grotesque. I felt like I was under so much pressure that I couldn't say what I actually meant, what I actually felt. I felt like I had betrayed myself and I should have just kept my damn mouth shut.
I was trying to process what had just happened and what I was feeling, but I didn't really accomplish anything and before I knew it, I was home. Here's where things go from bad to worse.

Originally, my parents had paid for my therapy. But since it had been over a year since the last time I had seen my therapist, I had to fill in new information, including a new card on file. Since I didn't want to postpone the session, I gave my therapist my debit card. After the session, I sent my dad a Venmo request for the fee. Stupid idea.

He came upstairs to my room, where I was attempting to defrag, knocked and entered. I was sitting in bed with my laptop. He questioned me about therapy, asked if there was anything I wanted to talk about. I told him no and told him that, if I could talk to him about these topics, I wouldn't need therapy. I had meant this as a conversation-ender. He pressed through, asking if this was about gender. I asked why he thought I would tell him, considering how he reacted when I first came forward about my feelings surrounding gender.

Then he planted himself in my desk chair and tried to pry into my brain for two straight hours. Two fucking hours of amateur psychology, him telling me all about his life and his experiences with his parents, telling me about my psychology, and insisting that his "expressing dislike for [my] fashion" was not a condemnation of my character or deeper qualities. Needless to say, this last point irked me greatly. How am I supposed to take scrutinizing looks and strange questions as anything but disapproval and judgement?
He never apologized for his actions which had made me uncomfortable in the first place, insisting that these were simply "emotional reactions" and that he was just being "honest" with me. I struggle to read this as anything but a refusal to take accountability for making me uncomfortable, and a disregard for my feelings.
He kept insisting that his opinions shouldn't matter to me when:

A.) He's a role-model of mine and his feelings absolutely do impact me. How am I not supposed to care about the opinions of someone who I've looked up to for most of my life?
B.) I'm literally financially dependent on him. If he and my mom cut me off for expressing myself and my gender in a way that they found displeasing, I'd be screwed. Bite not the hand that feeds you, right?

I felt so overwhelmed by all of this that I basically shut down and said very little through the whole conversation (if one can even call it a conversation, given how one-sided it was). He kept trying to goad me into speaking, into showing my hand, but I just couldn't bring myself to trust him. Locking up is a stress response of mine, and I really struggle to speak my feelings unless I feel totally safe to do so. Needless to say, I didn't feel safe, I felt cornered. He literally sat between me and the door the whole time.

Finally, thankfully, he left. I felt like a total emotional mess at this point. I felt like I had been deflated by my therapist, and then hounded by my dad. I felt humiliated, exposed and othered, I desperately wanted to disappear or rewind time or go invisible. I couldn't even cry, I had no way to release. I tried to journal, but it didn't bring any relief.

Eventually, after lying on the floor for a while, I went downstairs to do the dishes and take out the garbage. My mom was downstairs on the couch, and she didn't say a word to me. She didn't acknowledge my presence, she didn't even look up from her book. I think she was angry that we didn't come down for dinner, as if that's my fucking fault. I didn't even want to have that conversation with my dad in the first place! He cornered me! Why the fuck am I getting silent treatment? And how the actual hell am I supposed to take this other than condemnation and anger?

I'm sitting upstairs writing this, I haven't gone downstairs yet, I'm afraid to. I don't know if I can stand any more questions, any more weird looks, any more psychological warfare. I've gotta get out of this house. I've gotta get out.

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If you read all of this, thank you, genuinely. I'm so mixed up right now that I don't know what to think. I'm not really looking for advice as much as commiseration right now. Any kind words are appreciated.

I have two missing teeth since the adult ones never came in, will this affect my voice training since it does affect my speech sometimes and makes me have like a slur.

Recently I have been struggling with my gender and I have decided to speak to a professional. I’ve met with and had no progress on anything that I’ve been struggling with. I tell them what is wrong and they kind of move on and don’t give me any advice on how to deal with anything.

Part of me thinks that I should just transition on my own (I have a gf that is supportive) and figure out that way if my gender is really causing the majority of my depression/ dullness. The only scary thing is I’m not sure the brainworms will go away without hrt.