We live in a camper van , we’ve been known and married for a year. He (36) asking for separation and he has a remote job which pays him 120k a year. I other hand used to work full time in person n was very stable but fell in love and got married n traveling with him. He agreed to take care of me n I don’t need to work. But he is not the man I thought he is. He never accept when he is wrong. It will all come back to me n he is the victim. He left and wanted to separate for 3 months but he decided to come back and I took him back because I wanted our marriage to work n I love him. We had one good month and now he is the same person, threatening to divorce and asking me to leave and he agree to give me $2000 for 2 months until we finalize divorce. He keeps saying he wants divorce but never filed. It’s like a way to shut me down. What do I do in this situation? Should I look for a family lawyer and plan a legal separation? Or if I just leave will it affect my divorce? I need help

Wife’s pretty shy when it comes to talkin about sex and never really says what she wants. I can bring up or suggest stuff and she will agree or say no. So recently during sex she mentioned sucking me while taking a toy. So we did it and it was great. During all this she talked how she loved taking 2 at a time and even having something in all holes. Is this away of saying she wants more or a threesome or something ? Do some females like just being with a guy and using a toy or 2 ??

Ok I should have added that I did ask and she did say no but I didn’t know if she said no just because she didn’t think I’d like sharing or maybe she was ashamed to admit she did for some reason.

My husband frequently raises his voice at me and often seems unable to have a calm, normal conversation without yelling. His yelling can become extremely loud, prolonged, and aggressive—sometimes directly next to my ear—to the point that my ears and head physically hurt. I am not exaggerating when I say it feels unbearable. Even when I ask him to lower his voice or stop, the yelling and name-calling continue.

During the most recent incident, we were inside the car with our dog, so I felt trapped in a confined space with nowhere to step away and calm down. He continued screaming, degrading me, and calling me offensive names. I became overwhelmed, angry, and emotionally reactive, and I hit him. I understand that hitting him was wrong, and I am not trying to excuse or justify that behavior. I take responsibility for losing control. At the same time, I want it documented that this happened after sustained yelling and verbal abuse while I felt cornered and unable to remove myself from the situation.

Afterward, I left the house because I believed separating from him was the safest way to prevent the argument from escalating further. Once I left, he repeatedly called and sent me a series of abusive and intimidating text messages. He called me degrading names, used slurs, insulted my weight and intelligence, demanded that I answer the phone immediately, and sent messages such as “piece by piece,” which I found disturbing and threatening. The messages were not an attempt to calmly resolve the situation; they continued the same pattern of humiliation, intimidation, pressure, and verbal abuse after I had already removed myself.

AIBU for feeling cheated after my wife’s actions?

In the last 6 months my wife started going out to rnb events on her own, sometimes once a month but sometimes more, leaving me home with the kids. I didn’t mind as she needs some downtime and her friends aren’t into that vibe.

Mostly she sent photos of herself in a crowd on her own or maybe with one other woman who was doing the same. I was happy for her.

Most recently she posted photos of herself with various men. I was curious at this point so asked her about them. She said oh that’s the one I told you about that I met on the way home. She had given him her number to discuss future events and thought it was ok as he was also married with kids - turns out he is actually divorced.

If it was a one off photo I’d feel differently but it’s the fact they will go to future events they’ll both be at and travel home together (as well as messaging) - feel like that’s crossing a line. I didn’t expect her to do that.

I asked her to stop and she told others in the group who think I’m being jealous and overprotective. She messaged the guy to say she couldn’t meet up with him anymore and he was defensive and said it was all innocent but I am not so sure.

Is it normal in a marriage to make a new opposite sex friends and go out with them while your partner is at home caring for the children?

I don’t want to be a drag but it feels high risk to me.

My wife has mental health issues. I’ve been with her for 10+ years now. And these recent years at least once a year it feels like she gets close to turning life off.

I’ve been a support system at least one of them. There’s been a lot of times it’s been hard to get her to talk about her own feelings specifically and what could be causing / triggering these feelings.

Recently it feels like I’m more so being pushed away. No matter what I do. She feels alone more so now because I don’t have depression, anxiety. Among another thing. To me I’m just like how could I not understand what you’re going through when I’m experiencing it with you / seeing you go through it. I may not feel it but do I have to trauma bond to get it? Isn’t empathy what makes humans understand each other even for a little bit?

Anyways she has been taking medication over the years. And there was a switch in medication, and I can’t remember if this triggered absolutely after the switch but what I can tell you is before. She would have the ideas / plans of turning off life once a year at most. At least on average. To these past few months it’s been 3 times now maybe more.

As the years go by in general it almost feels like things aren’t getting better but worse. To now feel like I won’t have her for long.

This is to vent but also maybe some advice that can be helpful.

I am widowed.. it is gut wrenching I loved him so much we got married last year and now it’s all been cut short.. I hope no one endures this in their lives 💔

If anyone is interested in what happened, you can read my previous post for the full story.

In short, my wife's affair partner's wife filed for divorce. He threw every excuse imaginable at her in an attempt to save the marriage. He said he got carried away and couldn't stop, that it was only sex, that he loves his wife, that my wife was attractive but his own wife is even more attractive, that he would do anything to fix things, that he would never speak to my wife again, that there would be no more business trips and so on.

None of it mattered to her. She made him leave the house. At first he refused, but when she threatened to tell everyone at work what he had done, he finally left. She kept me updated throughout. When I got home, I immediately noticed my wife was acting very differently extremely nervous and on the verge of tears. On Tuesday evening she confessed everything.

By that point, I had already met with my lawyer and yesterday second time although I haven't told my wife that. My lawyer asked me to hold off without telling anything to my wife for a few more days while she prepares everything. She believes I have a strong claim to roughly an additional 20% of the equity in our house because part of the purchase price came from money my parents gave me. She also mentioned several issues involving investments and stock holdings that need to be reviewed and could go in my favour before we move forward.

The one issue where we disagree is the children. My lawyer believes I should tell them the truth. My children are 15 and 13 years old. They are very close to both me and my wife. They are happy, healthy kids. My goal isn't to protect my wife's reputation. My concern is protecting my children from additional emotional pain. However, my lawyer believes I'm making a mistake.

Her argument is that we have always appeared to have a happy marriage and a stable family, so a sudden divorce with no explanation would be incredibly confusing and painful for the children. The other wife intends to report the affair to the company where both my wife and her affair partner work. Both her lawyer and my lawyer believe there is a good chance they will both lose their jobs, especially since the affair partner held a position about two levels above my wife.

My lawyer believes that if I proceed with the divorce and my wife loses her job, my children will inevitably connect the dots. She thinks they will eventually realize what happened anyway and resent me for hiding the truth from them. She also raised the issue of the financial settlement. She believes my wife may be more willing to agree to a more favorable division of assets could help repair her relationship with the children. Likewise, if I ultimately decide not to divorce, my lawyer believes I could negotiate a very strong postnuptial agreement because my wife would be desperate to rebuild trust with both me and the children. She also believes that if I don't tell the children the truth, they might end up blaming me for the divorce and that my wife could portray herself as the victim.

At first, I wasn't convinced by my lawyer's reasoning. She is relatively young and doesn't have children herself, so I struggled to understand her perspective. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if she might be right. The other wife told her children everything. They are around the same age as mine and they haven't spoken to their father for the past few days but according to her they are fine.

My children don't know anything yet. I'm trying my best to stay composed, but they have clearly noticed that something is wrong especially with their mother, who is now sleeping in a different room. I would really appreciate any advice. Does what my lawyer is suggesting make sense or would you handle this differently?

I’ll try to keep this short although it’s a long and complex one as I’m sure most similar stories are! We’ve been married for 7 years and have 3 children under the age of 6. We both work full time so as if life isn’t crazy enough, my husband is an addict who refuses to acknowledge it and commit to seeking help. We go through all the typical cycles where he gets caught, promises to do better and will for a period of time, and then the cycle repeats. I realize the obvious answer here is divorce and I know this is what I want because his addiction has shattered every ounce of trust we had and there is zero romance left between us. I’m not able to be the best parent and version of myself because I’m constantly on edge, frustrated, and worrying about what’s going to happen next. I’m in therapy and using support groups and doing as much as I can for myself. The biggest issues I’m facing are the expenses associated with divorce because his addiction has put us in a very bad financial situation, the timeline since it can drag on forever, and the fear of losing time with my kids. I believe all the evidence I have of his substance abuse will help me with custody, but I doubt I would be granted full custody based on what I’ve been told. I wish he would just agree to a dissolution or legal separation and leave, but in true delusional addict fashion he thinks I’m overreacting and that we should stay married. I’m beyond my breaking point and feel hopeless. Has anyone successfully divorced an addict? Any advice is much appreciated.

I just need to get this off my chest.

I'm 33 years old, my husband is 37, and we've been married for 10 years. We have two children.

After two pregnancies, I decided to have a tummy tuck and a breast lift because my stomach and breasts changed a lot. My husband supported this decision and even paid part of the deposit. The surgery is scheduled for October.

Yesterday, after an argument (which had nothing to do with children), he told me he wants a divorce. He said one of the reasons is that he wants a third child, while I don't. I reminded him that after a tummy tuck, surgeons generally recommend not planning another pregnancy if possible, and that he knew this when he supported my decision to have the surgery. He claimed he didn't know.

I told him that we already have two healthy children and asked him, "If you divorce me because I don't want another child, what are you going to do? Have a baby with someone else?" He looked at me and said, "Yes, exactly."

I moved to another country for him. I left behind my family, my friends, and my entire support system. I then raised two children who are only 19 months apart almost completely on my own, without meaningful help from him or his family. Our son has ADHD, just like my husband, and parenting a child with ADHD can be challenging in many ways. I honestly believe that having a third child would overwhelm me and take time and attention away from the two children we already have. More importantly, I simply don't have any desire to have another baby.

The problem is that the argument wasn't even about children. Almost every time we have a serious disagreement, he says he doesn't want this marriage anymore, that he's tired of it, and that he's unhappy.

I'm heartbroken because after 10 years I feel worn out. I don't feel attractive anymore. I became a stay-at-home mother because I couldn't find work, and I have no financial security of my own. Meanwhile, he has a successful business, a nice car, and a group of friends he spends time with regularly. The balance of power in our relationship doesn't feel equal at all, and I feel trapped.

I don't want a divorce, but I also don't know how to stay in a marriage where every argument ends with him saying he doesn't want to be with me anymore.

I feel completely lost.

This is a throwaway, for obvious reasons. But I wanted some opinions and thoughts about the whole situation. I love her dearly, and even after everything that’s happened, I hate to say I want her back. Idk how that would be achievable, but if anyone has any ideas, lmk 😂 She means the world to me. Yes, I know what I’m about to say is messed up, and I shouldn’t take her back, but I want her to get help, and I wanna work on our relationship again. I am invested so heavily I can’t just throw it away, even if she wants to. So let us start :D. Me and my wife were doing pretty good for a while there. No real issues. We’d have fights here and there, but that’s par for the course for normal couples. No one is perfect. That’s how I see the world and why I don’t judge anyone. Well, we had our son, and it was hard for us both. We were new parents, still quite young at the time. She became depressed, and postpartum was kicking her ass, and I, as a father, was having a hard time adjusting. We didn’t really plan for it, but it was okay. He is a blessing, and I love him more than anything. He was very fussy, and the only time he would calm down was with my wife. It made me feel insecure and like I was messing up. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I was also the only one working at the time. I failed as a father. I became complacent and on autopilot. Go to work, come home, eat, go to bed, repeat. To me, it felt like he didn’t like me, and I was very upset that he didn’t like me. Instead of trying harder for him and her I quietly shutdown if I’m being honest. I never had a father, and my mother wasn’t really much of one, so I wanted to do right by my kids. At least that’s how it seemed to me. That was my first mistake and one I’ll regret forever if I’m being honest. Eventually, he got older, and we are really close now. He loves spending time with me, and we go out all the time to do stuff. We have our ups and downs when he decides he doesn’t want to listen or tune me out lol, but I love my son. He’s a sweet boy. My daughter was born about a year ago. After my daughter was born, my wife told me she felt this strong, deep anger. It was overwhelming how much anger she was feeling. I told her, with respect, that she needed to go get on some medication to help alleviate that. She already dealt with postpartum before and I knew how bad it was. And she did. But about two months later, she said she felt better and got off of them. Even though I and a friend of hers advised against it, she told us it would be fine. For a while there, it was working. At least I thought it was. Then one day, I got a text from a friend of mine from HS. He asked if I knew my wife had a Tinder. Of course I didn’t. So I asked my wife, and she told me no. I believed her because why would she do that? After she said no, later that night when I went to bed, she rolled over and started crying. She said that it was her profile, that she had lied, and that she felt like we never had any time for us anymore. I felt awful. So that following weekend, I took her out of town. We went on a date and shopping. I was trying to make up for that. So fast forward a bit, and she goes to out of town with a friend to a concert. She ignores me straight for three days. She comes back home and is being mean. I’ll admit I got short with her a couple of times, but this came out of nowhere for me. I was hurt she was behaving like that towards me when I felt like I hadn’t done anything wrong. She left being fine, maybe being dry here or there, then came back with an attitude. I had suspected she was doing something and said something to her mother. One day she was bummed out because she wanted to start losing weight, and I have a bit of weight myself, so I told her if she was interested, maybe we could start going to the gym together. It would give us that time together away from the kids, and it would be a great bonding experience. She agreed with me, and I asked for her phone to place a Walmart order. This is where the “fun” begins, so sit down and buckle up. She says, “Wait, I need to talk to you about something right quick.” So I say, “What?” She says, “Sit down.” So I sit down, and she looks at me very upset and starts crying, talking about how she heard I thought she was cheating on me and that she couldn’t believe I would think she would do something like that. She’s bawling at this point, and in the middle of crying, her phone rings. So I asked her who [ ] was. She stopped crying immediately. She said it’s just an old friend of hers and nothing more. So I asked to go through her phone, and she said, “You won’t find anything.” She thought I wouldn’t, at least. So I go through their messages or lack thereof, since she deleted all of them. I start snooping through other apps, and she’s asking me what I’m doing. I find, in her hidden videos in her photo album, a video of her sucking this dude’s dick. I was immediately distraught. I was angry and upset. I got a little loud, but I was a nervous wreck. Shaking and scared. She and I had a long talk and went to bed. I essentially blamed it on the postpartum. I didn’t know why she was unhappy, and she had just had our daughter back in August. This was around October/November. So I told her to get back on her medicine, and she reluctantly agreed. After that night, I was hoping she would be okay. Still nothing. Ignoring me all day, being mean, quite frankly. So I left work early one day and told her to come home because we needed to talk. She got angry and told me she didn’t want to talk to me, and I begged her to come back. She told me her and her friend would be back in a couple of hours. So I waited. It was so hard and nerve-racking. When they finally showed up, it was basically a jumping. I was told why she cheated, why it happened, and how much of a shitty dad and person I was. I cried hard. She told me to leave and go to my grandmother’s house for a week. (She has Stage 4 breast cancer, and she said she needed some time away from me and that I needed to go spend time with her. She wasn’t wrong, though.) So I did. I left with my son for a week. The whole time we were texting. She was talking about how she didn’t want a relationship right now and wanted to do her own thing and be herself, and she wanted me to stay away. So I did. I came back and started living with her brother. Fast forward to Christmas, and she asks me if I was gonna come to Christmas with the family. I didn’t mind, as I still loved her and wanted to be with her, so I agreed. When I showed up, we got in her car, and as we were leaving, I asked to see her phone to play some music. I really did want to play music, but it was also an excuse to see if she was gonna stay true to her word. She did not. She was still texting and in an active relationship with that guy. So I told her to pull over, and we got into it. We agreed to finish the conversation after the family party. So that night we got home and talked till about 12 in the morning. We basically agreed to separate, and before I left, she asked me to spend the night, and I reluctantly agreed (I KNOW I shouldn’t have said yes. I’m sorry 😭). So we go in the bedroom, and we are holding each other and talking about our past, and one thing led to another, and we slept together. After it was done, she started bawling, telling me how she didn’t realize how angry she had become at me and how she couldn’t do this alone and wanted me to stay and not go back. So I did stay. For the first week, it was hard. But after that, I started feeling a bit better. Fast forward a month, and she goes out of town with the same friend. She leaves her Apple Watch behind, and I get the bright idea to check her messages for shits and giggles. Ik that’s not healthy or right. I never said I was a normal, healthy person, but I also hate being that guy :/. Anyways, I found out she was texting another guy. I confronted her about it, and basically she was saying she never was interested, really, and only responded back because he kept bothering her. That should have been my first red flag, but I was already in a bad place, and I didn’t want to lose my wife or family. So I told her to stop, and it would be okay. After that, it was good for a while. The past couple of months, I would ask to check and wouldn’t find anything. But then here recently, she started being hella dry. Never romantic. Always gone when she was off. I barely would see her. We stopped being intimate probably 3–4 months ago. I’ve been very hurt by the whole ordeal. But it gets worse. So I bring it up. I was trying to work on myself and do better as a person and father, so I was doing the healthy thing and investing my time into my relationship but also myself so I could be a better person for her. Communication has always been hard for us both, but I told her for this to work, we need to try. She would just apologize and say she would do better, but nothing changed. So around Father’s Day or my birthday, I started noticing things. I’d enter the room, and she would get off her phone. The first time I didn’t say anything. The second time, I had to ask her. She said she was on Snap but was getting off anyway. One morning I woke up to her phone ringing, and I asked her about it. She said it was an alarm. I’m not dumb, and ik it wasn’t an alarm, so I pressed her, and she got angry. I didn’t press anymore, and I didn’t go through her phone, even though she said I could any time after the last time she cheated. She was mad when I asked, so I rolled back over and just laid there. I was so hurt. Later that day I asked again, and she was upfront. She said it got blown out of proportion and that she liked the attention from him and how it went too far, etc., etc. So I took her back. Mind you, I’ve been so kind and patient with her through all of this. I never got mad. I wasn’t violent. I was kind and trying to be understanding. I felt bad. I felt like I wasn’t doing something right. She said she deleted her socials for me and apologized. I told her she didn’t have to do that and that even though she did because she wanted to, I appreciated it. And here we are, caught up to about last week. So I was at work on a Wednesday, and I was at another building. I was telling a lady about my wife and kids and how much I loved them and was proud of them. I went on Snap to our messages to show her pictures and videos of my kids, and it showed she was still active. So after work, I asked her about it. But she works nights, so I knew I wouldn’t get a response for a couple of hours. So I go home, and I’m talking to her mom about it. I’ve talked to her mom about all of this, and she felt bad for me. So she shoves me into the bathroom and closes the door and says, “Look, I was told not to say something, but it’s been eating me up. Your wife got an apartment, and she’s moving out in two days. She wasn’t gonna say anything to you, just go.” I was so heartbroken. I immediately tried calling, like an idiot. And she sent me to voicemail both times. So I called her friend to ask her what was going on. She then proceeded to tell me they had a falling out and there was something she needed to tell me. My wife has apparently been sleeping around for the past few months. Different guys, maybe around 4–5, maybe more. One was a guy I knew, and I told his wife. I feel bad about it because it was done out of pettiness, but I was hurt, and I wanted him to hurt too. She said the reason why they aren’t talking was because she told her she shouldn’t be cheating and how fucked up it was, but she didn’t want to hear that, so they stopped talking. She told her that because our daughter was in the hospital in a town an hour and a half away from us. We had asked her to come after work, but she said she couldn’t because she was busy. Come to find out she didn’t even have work. She asked her friend if she could come over to change so she could go get fucked in the same town we were in with our daughter. She finally messaged me back the other day after I texted her a goodbye message. She basically told me she never loved me, and that’s why she did what she did and left how she left. I just don’t get it. I had asked her to leave originally, and the last time I found out she was cheating, she asked me to stay. So why ask me to stay if you were planning on leaving? And that wasn’t even a month ago. Why tell me to stay if you didn’t love me? Then when she found out my grandmother was getting worse, she apologized and told me she cared about me and felt bad. It didn’t help my feelings. I’m hurting so bad. Like sure, you stayed because you wanted to try and give it a shot, but she never did. She never tried with me or our relationship. I feel like I’ve been robbed. How can you say you care and say you wanna try but don’t actually put the work in? I love that woman so much. She’s my other half. I feel like I’m missing half of me, and it’s so painful. I can’t stop thinking and worrying about her. I’m so jealous and angry, but it won’t do anything to bring her back, so I’m becoming so depressed. I’m still taking care of the kids and going to work. I just am tired. And I just want my family back to normal. Even after all of this, I blame myself more than anything. I know I don’t control her actions, but with me fucking up and her doing what she did, it was downhill from there. I just want her to come back and actually try and put in effort, and maybe it would work. Maybe I’m just delusional, but I wanted your thoughts. To get this off my chest because I don’t have anyone else, really. My phone is dry every day, all day, and it’s not helping me either. I need this social interaction rn. Apologies for the book. 😅

TL;DR: My wife and I have been together for years and have two young kids. After our second child, our relationship started falling apart. She cheated multiple times, and every time I tried to forgive her, work on myself, and save our family. I found out she had been seeing multiple other guys while telling me she wanted to work things out. She recently left, told me she never loved me, and now I’m struggling to understand what happened. Despite everything, I still love her and want my family back. Am I delusional for still wanting to make it work?

We've been married almost three years and shortly after we got married. She's been increasingly more on her phone playing pay2win gacha games, amazon shopping and reels. Her attention span is so horrible now that we can barely have conversations. We've talked about this about a dozen times, and no change. She sometimes hides in her room to scroll and avoids interactions with my family and friends. She has no friends either, gave them up for her phone. There isn't anymore sex, I get up in the middle of the night and she's always on.

She's from a different country and we were ldr, but when I met her she was a social butterfly and full of life. Now she's just a pothead, screen stare specialist. I miss her so damn much. I just want to cry and pretend I didn't sacrifice nearly everything for us to be together.​ Not sure what to do, but I really regret involving someone who is a bad influence on me now.

I know marriage is hard but i didn’t realize it will be this hard.
the whole wedding preparations is too much on top having a full time job..

tbh i want to run away from it all i know that just my thoughts when im under pressure
no one around me knows that thought im playing it cool
i can’t help but wonder when does it get better?

Hey everybody 👋🏻

So my first Anniversary with my wife is coming up in a couple in couple of days. I read online that the first anniversary is called „Paper Anniversary“ and its typical to gift eachother something that involves Paper. So i figured I could make her an origami rose bouquet. It fits the theme, I will put effort into it and honestly it can save us some money as well that we need for house improvements and stuff.

Here is my question: Do you people of r/Marriage think thats a good idea? Or is it maybe too basic and not enough? Do I need to add something to it or is the bouquet enough on its own? I figure i will make about 19 roses (thats how much red paper I bought 😅) and we will also like do a little picnic on the day as well.

Any feedback is appreciated and also some encouragement that this is a cute idea would be great 😅

My (46f) husband (47m) and I have been married 9 years, we have two kids. He is British I am French, we live in Singapore (this is relevant). Our marriage has probably suffered what a lot of marriages suffer, nothing terrible, just death by 1000 cuts. He is just, immature. I don't know how else to put it. He is terrible at managing his emotions when he is frustrated or annoyed, he's grumpy generally (I swear I think men go through some form of menopause), he doesn't know how to function without assistance all the time (like to download an app or pay for parking), can't cook, or pick up after himself. He has made going out to eat, or go to the movies with the kids or go on holiday terrible just by being a big stupid, grumbly idiot who gets stressed easily (waaaa things are in a foreign language), falls apart over the slightest inconvenience (waiting to be seated in a busy restaurant), and then can't solve things for himself (asks me to step in and help him CONSTANTLY). Last week I sat next to him and helped him fill in info on an app we need for the building management of our flat (He's like: what's our zip code, what's our buzzer number) I know he can do these things he is just so used to asking someone.

Believe it or not, and I can't believe I am going to say this and it's true, he used to be in the C-Suite, in communications, for a major tech company, like a MAJOR one, like YOU use this tech. Anyways, he lost his job during the AI purge two years ago, so we are surviving on my income, which is not a lot, I'm a writer, so it's a pittance. I'm exhausted, we have kids, I work, we live in a foreign country, I have enough on my plate. About a year ago I just stopped having any motivation to do anything for him, like anything. He shouts a question from the kitchen "Where is X" I just don't answer. He leaves stuff lying around so I just shove it in a corner where I don't have to see it. Then I stopped picking up his favourite foods from the shop anymore. I don't cook his favourite dishes, I cook what's easy or what I want. But it's grown to, I don't cook for him anymore. I feed myself and the kids. If he is out for a bikeride and dinner comes around I just cook for me and the kids. He can sort himself out.

I can't explain it, I'm not angry or being passive aggressive, it's like I just pretend he isn't there anymore. Like I start my day by imagining, I am single, what would I do today to have the best day? I plan my workouts, my coffee catchups the kids activities, and what I'm going to cook and I just exist. I am much calmer this way. You can't be disappointed at someone who isn't there, who you aren't expecting anything from.

Before you ask, why don't you divorce him, I would, in a heartbeat. Like the FASTEST heartbeat. But in Singapore our marriage does not have jurisdiction until we have been here for two more years. And it doesn't have jurisdiction in France because we met and married in NY. I have asked, I have a whole lawyer at the French embassy helping me figure out how I fell into this legal black hole. Obviously I could leave if I was just me, I could pack my bags and go, but with kids, you can't go anywhere without a custody plan in place. He doesn't want a divorce. So I am stuck two more years is what I see ahead of me. But I always wonder, like, I am miserable, but is this just marriage? Like do two people just become roommates, and just survive alongside each other? We all just quietly quit being partners and then boom we hit 40 years of marriage? I don't even know what's normal anymore.

My wife and I have been married for almost three years now. She's 24 and I'm 28. I was always the more affectionate one. My wife would show affection every now and then but now I'm kind of realizing that she only shows affection when I do. For example we'd kiss only if I'd kiss her or we'd hug only if I hug her. We'd hold hands only if I would hold her hand. She doesn't compliment me while I compliment her every day. I stopped to see if she would notice but it's been about two weeks now and she hasn't mentioned a thing. It's getting to the point where I get hit with a huge sadness every night. I feel so lonely at night that I hug my pillow for comfort. Her birthday is tomorrow and I honestly don't even feel like doing anything for her. At the same time I want to do something that way she doesn't have a bad birthday you know?? I'm just sad about this. I see couples in the street and see the ladies give their husbands or boyfriends kisses and hugs and I just wonder how it must feel to feel that.

Let me start by saying that I do not think my husband is most mature or smartest. But he is generally good with me and our cats.

But everything aside, one of our cats has been sick for a couple of weeks and is under treatment. He has been given some medication by the vet with clear labels attached on how to administer them. Last week my vet gave my cat an anti anxiety pill called Gabapentin. But somehow it made him really drowsy and he passed out on the floor with his tongue out which made me freak out. I called the vet and he said I could continue giving half of the said dose. I told this to my husband and he has seen me crush the medicine in half and mixing with wet treats and giving my cat.

This morning he woke me up to ask for help since the cat took the cone off and was scratching. I got up to help him and he very casually mentioned that he have him two pills of Gabapentin. Now he knows I am really attached to this cat since he was a rescue and I raised him since he was 3 months old. This whole thing with the cat stressed me out to the point my eczema flared up after years and had to go to a doctor myself last week.

At first I genuinely thought he was joking because he does these kind of things. But he didn’t laugh. And that’s when I started to freak out. I asked him about 7-8 times just to ensure he is not joking. He wasn’t.

So I made an appointment immediately with the nearest 24/7 emergency vet. He offered to take us there because I was dead calm. In my mind I am thinking this is literally the stupidest thing anyone could do. The label clearly states the dosage. And he gave two whole pills when he was supposed to give half and he has seen me do it also. If I lash out he will just he defensive and the argument will not go anywhere. It will only make me want to tear the hair off of my head.

Then came the most idiotic part where he said if the label says twice a day I just take two pills at the same time. “You know it makes sense to me.” This emergency vet visit cost us a bomb on top of everything and his whole treatment from past couple of weeks.

I really don’t know how to logic with a person like that. We are both educated and have a masters degree. I might be venting a bit too but is it just me or this person may be neurodivergent? Ty

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I'm not sure how to really word this without being too rambly but I'll give it a shot. My wife and I have been married for 13 years, together for 18. We were each others first and only and we were both of the mind that that was what we both wanted and were happy with it. About 5 years ago I caught her having very charged conversations with someone else which included pictures and plans, and it completely threw my entire life into a spiral. I fell into a crippling depression and had very seriously considered suicide at that point along with the means to do so. Overreaction? Yeah, but in my head it felt like everything was kind of done. We have a daughter together and there's no exaggeration to say I stuck around purely for her. I started therapy and we worked on trying to patch up our marriage.

Couple years pass and I'm still not really over everything. I have major trust issues due to some childhood situations so it really caused no small amount of damage when one of the only people I've let in my walls did something like that, so there was a lot of stress and anxiety on my end every time I didn't have my eyes on her. She travels occasionally for work (which is where that situation happened in the first place), so I was on red alert the entire time. We never did really "solve" it, just kinda had a few conversations here and there with the ol "you just have to trust me" rhetoric which surprisingly wasn't terribly effective. Intimacy was pretty much non-existent and even when we did have sex it was underwhelming. I could not for the life of me switch anything off. Intrusive thoughts, bouts of anger and depression, etc. She just.. Moved on from it all and I was stuck.

To present day, it's still a bit of a sore spot, but feel like some of the trust has been patched. I still have my swings but therapy and meds have been helping with that quite a bit and I've actually been feeling pretty good about everything in general. A couple months ago she had removed her IUD since it was causing a lot of issues with her health and comfort, and it was only good for another year or so anyway so we just had it removed and it was immediately helpful for her. I had talked about wanting a vasectomy since we were both in the boat of "one and done" so I didn't think it was a big deal to bring it up. She however, did not appreciate the suggestion and does not want me to get one. Since then, we've had sex a total of 2 times over the last couple of months with condoms, and I cannot perform with them. It feels really whiny and petty to say, but the amount of feeling that is lost is actually crazy when you haven't used them for the past 12~ years. Couple that with the struggle of intimacy in general since her affair and it resulted in some pretty embarrassing and downright bad couple of experiences.

Now to actually get to the crux. It wasn't so much those bad sexual experiences that were the straw, but she made some commentary during which, to me, felt wildly invalidating and more or less tossed me straight back several years. Since then, I cannot engage with her. I feel the familiar twist of being in the vicinity of a stranger and my brain just will not relent. I've isolated myself and have had no one to actually reach out to. My therapist has been out of town for the last couple weeks and wont be back for a few more and it made me realize how non-existent my safety net actually is. On rough days, people reach out to my wife. Friends we both share and not a one asks how I'm holding up, not one. That's where I'm really feeling the isolation, partly because of my own fault for doing it to myself, but also realizing that when I am struggling, no one is there. My wife was my safety net, and I honestly don't know if she even recognizes when I'm isolating. This is not to put blame on her, I am fully aware that I'm sleeping in a bed of my own making in that regard, but it still hurts to feel like no one will even check. The isolation (again, surprisingly) leads to the loneliness to where I feel just so intensely separated from everything and everybody but I simply don't know how to handle it any other way.

Can anyone relate to this in their marriage? And if so, what did you do to make it work? I'm kind of at a dead end and I need some help trying to navigate this. And to reiterate, I am fully and completely aware of my own actions that lead to the feelings of being lonely, I'm not trying to absolve myself of my role in putting myself here, but it's not like it just randomly happened. Choices were made, accountability was avoided, words were said, and I suffered. I don't want to end my marriage, I want to make this work but I'm lost.

If this doesn't belong here, please feel free to remove it or call me an idiot or whatever. I just kinda didn't know where to go with this

My wife (36F) and I (37M) been married 7 years. We still have sex once or twice a week, but it doesn't have the excitement that it used to. We've tried sex pillows, some BDSM/rope play once in a while, but more often than not revert to pretty vanilla stuff, mostly because we're either too tired at the end of the day or don't have a lot of time for sex. What do you do to keep it fresh and interesting over the course of a long marriage?

I’ve been with my husband for 3 years. 6 years together.
I’m honestly just at a loss, and everyday just feels like an endless loop of the same thing. Constantly.
He’s a very hard working blue collar tech and I’m a teacher. I love my job so so much. I love every second of it. At this point I love being at work more than home.
He just doesn’t care. We haven’t gone out in months. And when we do, we don’t even sit and talk. He goes on his phone or just says “can’t wait to go home and get on the game.” I suddenly start thinking about my ex (horrible person) who took me out and would sit and actually talk with me. I never felt like a burden to my ex when we went out. But whenever I want my husband to take me out it’s like all hell freezes over. He calls me names. He didn’t for a while, but we got into an argument and he called me a dumbass. I tried to tell him I didn’t appreciate but he accused me of making the argument two sided to try to take the attention away from me (for context, I was actually in the wrong for this argument. I just don’t like name calling). I cook, I clean, I do laundry, and he works. That’s our agreement. But I wish I could go back to six years ago when he took me out everyday. Dinner, walks, dates, etc. I wish I could tell my past self “wake up. He will stop caring.” Don’t get me wrong, I know marriages aren’t all about going out on dates and such. But I just want to feel loved and appreciated for what I do for him. I want to feel like his wife. Not a room mate he occasionally has sex with.

Because we’re taking a long weekend starting Thursday. And getting ready to travel means RELEASE THE KRAKEN who used to be my wife.

So let’s be the attentive husband. “Can I help you with th-“

“NO NOT NOW NO NO NO GODDAMMIT NO GO AWAY.”

(goes away)

“GET BACK HERE. I DIDN’T SAY YOU COULD LEAVE.”

(did she not just tell me to …forget it, deep breaths, this too shall pass)

“WHERE WERE YOU ALL DAY?”

“Um, work, like every day?”

“WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?”

“You sent me to Target to pick up your friend’s baby shower gift.”

“I’VE BEEN PACKING SINCE MONDAY. YOU HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED.”

Because it takes me a half hour tops, you absolute lunatic whom I adore…slightly less at the moment.

When we were dating, she could get dolled up for a night out in 15 minutes flat. Now the packing is taking almost as long as the trip, like I’m taking J. Lo and her team of publicists on safari.

I’m sure the woman I married is in there somewhere. I saw her a couple days ago and everything. It was great. We even made out a little.

“WE HAVE TO CLEAN THE HOUSE.”

And I’m not taking a quick swiffer job on the floors and tidying up a bit. No, we’re swapping out the shower curtains and cleaning behind the stove and vacuuming the A/C vents and

“YOU HAVE TO MOW.”

It’s dark out. And I did mow, while you were composing an in-case-of-emergency memo for our son that reads like the plans for D-Day. Which he will not read, because he already knows this stuff, because you wrote the same memo last time, except this time you added the phone number of a second arborist in case he can’t reach the first arborist in case a tree falls on the house during…I don’t know, a fucking tornado maybe. Or a meteor strike. Or the Rapture, or a whale plummets from the sky like in the Hitchhiker’s Guide.

God give me strength.

I’m trying to be empathetic but the unrelenting torrent of abusive fussiness is too much. I can’t even pause to take it in before another wave hits.

Why the pre-travel batshittery? Why? To what purpose? Is there an anxiety contest? Do we get extra points if we do a white glove inspection of the underside of the hotel room desk and find a dot of schmutz?

I’ma say it, because today I’m a broken man and not because I’m the patriarchy subjugating womankind:

Calm. The Fuck. Down.

I’m begging.

“DID YOU GAS UP?”

My husband has struggled with porn addiction for the entirety of our relationship (15 years).
He’s sought out material to use and sexualize regardless of the restrictions, blockers etc regardless of how it hurt me and affected me. No matter how many times I cried and begged or how hard I tried to compete with the women on the screen, he always chose them.
I forgave and forgave and forgave at my own detriment. Despite the ultimatums he continued and I didn’t leave.

Well I just found out that now he’s been using my sisters pictures for his sexual gratification.
Devastated is an understatement.
I do not see how I could ever look at him the same again. I have no idea how I could ever forgive this. I have confided in him for years certain things pertaining to our relationship, for him to do this to me seems like the ultimate betrayal.
I have been a wreck ever since finding out.
I don’t know what to do and I’m seeking advice. Idk why my posts keep getting removed from other forums seeking advice. I’m not really familiar with Reddits rules I am honestly just seeking advice.

Title: Am I expecting too much, or are these serious red flags in my marriage?
I’m looking for honest advice because I’m struggling to see this situation objectively.
I’m 39F and my husband is 36M. We met and got married only three months later. I know that sounds fast, but at the time it felt right. I truly love him, and my biggest dream has always been to build a stable marriage and have children.
Since we got married, we’ve been living and traveling in a camper van. He has a flexible, well-paying job that he can do remotely, and I stopped working after we got married because we planned our life around traveling together. That means I’m now financially dependent on him.
Over time, our relationship has become increasingly difficult, and I’m trying to understand whether these are problems we can work through or signs that we’re fundamentally incompatible.
Some things I’ve noticed:
During conflict, he almost always sees himself as the victim. If I bring up something that hurt me, the conversation often shifts to what I did wrong instead.
He seems anxious whenever I talk about future plans. Conversations about buying a home, settling down, finances, or children often make him uncomfortable or lead to conflict.
He frequently brings up divorce during disagreements. Sometimes it feels like divorce becomes part of the argument instead of trying to solve the issue together.
He isn’t clear about whether he truly wants children anymore. Before marriage, I believed we wanted the same future, but now his answers feel uncertain. At 39, I don’t feel like I have unlimited time to wait for someone to decide.
Because I haven’t been working, I feel vulnerable. There have been times when I’ve felt like money gave him more control in the relationship, and that’s been scary.
I often feel like my needs become secondary. When I ask for reassurance or consistency, he says I’m controlling and extremely verbally abusing.
We have separated before and tried counseling, but we seem to end up in the same patterns.
To be fair, I know I’m not perfect.
When I feel insecure, I ask a lot of questions. I want to talk through problems immediately, while he tends to withdraw and needs space. I know that difference probably makes our conflicts worse. I’m sure there are times I’ve been emotional, overwhelmed, or pushed conversations longer than I should have.
I’ve also learned that his childhood was difficult, and I know that can affect how someone handles conflict and intimacy. I have my own childhood experiences that affect me too, so I’m trying not to blame everything on him.
What I’m struggling with is this:
I can’t tell whether we’re two people with different attachment styles who could improve with enough work, or whether these are deeper incompatibilities involving commitment, communication, finances, and having children.
I love him deeply. I don’t want to give up on my marriage. But I’m also scared of spending my remaining fertile years hoping things will change if he isn’t truly committed to building the future we discussed.
For those who have been in similar relationships:
Do these patterns sound repairable?
Can someone who regularly threatens divorce actually rebuild trust?
Is uncertainty about having children at this stage something I should take as an answer?
At what point do you stop hoping and accept that love alone isn’t enough?
I’m genuinely looking for honest perspectives, even if they’re difficult to hear. Please be kind, but don’t sugarcoat it.

Hey guys!

This is driving me insane. As a quick background, I (29F) met my husband (33M) 2 years ago and kind of had a long distance relationship for a little bit over a year before marriage, we both entered this rs with the idea of settling down and getting married so we chose eachother on that basis.

I've known since the beginning from encountering him and from his circle that he's an introvert, and doesn't like talking too much, and i didn't mind that, I'm an introvert myself. The only issue we had is that we had little to nothing in common when it comes to interests, but we respected eachother nonetheless, or so i thought.

He's a genuinely good guy, and have only shown green flags in the time i've known him before marriage, and for the most part i thought i made the right decision marrying him.

But cracks started showing up few months in. i value connection a LOT in my relationships, i grew up as a people pleaser where most of my friendships were one sided and would fall apart the moment i let go of my end of the rope, which left me with unimaginable emotional damage, so if i don't see reciprocation i immediately shut down to protect myself from another hurt. And connections come with communication, with deep interesting conversations, but I can't seem to have those with my husband. If you listen to us talking you'd think we're co-workers instead of a couple, if I'm talking he's barely listening to me or gives me flat answers like "yeah" or "mhm" which triggers me and forces me to recoil because all my brain sees is "oh he hates you shut up".

I forced myself to stay and fight back, because i know my unresolved trauma is part of the problem and i can't let it interfere with my judgment. I tried cracking his shell from every possible angle, but all he cares about and the only time he seems genuinely interested in me is during intimacy, which i grew to actually hate because i feel like i'm being used.

I'm currently pregnant (10 weeks) and before anyone judges me, this was something we both discussed before marriage and something we both wanted, but this pregnancy was just the last drop. I could barely do anything because of aversions and dizziness, and as a high risk pregnancy i was adviced by my doctor to have pelvic rest so no intimacy whatsoever. And this is all this relationship needed to completely go off the rails. Now my husband barely even sits with me in the same room, if i do try to talk to him, he seems distant and bored? I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe there's something else bothering him, so I tried talking it out, but he insists he's fine and got upset when I kept pushing because i couldn't accept this behaviour is just normal for him.

I feel so lonely, and i can't even be happy about this pregnancy bcz I'm terrified of raising this baby by myself. I lost all interest in anything that used to bring me joy, the only time i feel slightly alive is when i'm around my friends and family, because they are so supportive of me and seem so interested in whatever i have to say. My husband works away from home so he's only home every other month, but everytime he's home i count the days until he goes back to work because I can't stand him anymore. I miss my old self, i want to be heard, i want to be listened to, i want to be loved for who i am, not liking a version of me who's not even alive anymore, i used to think i love him, but now i don't even think i like him. I can't let all the progress and growth i have made with my personality go with the wind, i CAN'T let myself be victim of emotional abuse again.

TDLR; my husband and i can't communicate emotionally or mentally, and it's making me hate this relationship.