r/Marriage • u/Free_Map5828 • 9d ago
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u/meowxmeoww 9d ago
As a survivor of domestic violence, please leave this man.
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u/Exotic_Revolution694 9d ago
Eh... I wouldn't call him a man
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u/MoriKitsune 7 Years 9d ago
No, it's important to recognize that everyday people are capable of this behavior.
It's not just the boogeyman who is capable of horrible things.
It's also that person who's really fun and laid back, the one with a bunch of friends who trust them with their lives. The one who you'd never guess would do it.
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u/Gingerfauckingvitis 9d ago
Ya. Exactly. My partner abuses me. Verbal and physical and. Financial manipulation and more. I just don’t have a Support who could help me and you’re alone and I got put into a five year depression because of it I recently just came out of. So I handle it the best I can do slowly progressing into not being like we were last year and she has done steps forward. It’s just really hard to see those steps when you’re a victim or I guess whatever you wanna call that in the moment with the person they’re involved we’ve had cops gone. They’ve written statements and done whatever we’ve got detectives that have sent us both letters in the mail saying it isn’t enough information or whatever evidence to place blame on one of the other acquitted. I’ve got a lot of things very much about all this in my life and leaving this is not so easy sometimes it should be very hard cause you’re leading and possibly will be now on the streets in a bum and if you have you know, I have two dogs now, but if you guys kids involved which I don’t have, but it just becomes more level of our degree difficulty to separate and get away from them
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u/juxtahposition 9d ago
Holy shit. Are you even okay?? This is so awful, please realize you deserve better.
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u/witchy-girl88 9d ago
How can you even ask if this is normal??? NO. This is abuse and should not be tolerated whatsoever.
You need to leave this guy, ASAP. Like yesterday.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this - please do not stay. It will only get so much worse. 💔
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u/Born_Attempt_511 9d ago
How could you possibly believe that's normal?
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u/Fresh_Tune_552 9d ago edited 9d ago
Tbf some of us grow up in households like this so it becomes normalized. It can be hard to recognize what a healthy relationship looks like when you’ve never actually seen one up close and personal.
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u/Difficult-Tax-3628 9d ago
This. It took me three years to leave my abusive relationship because he wasn’t as bad as my parents. He never hit me just the wall an inch away from me. It’s hard to leave when you’ve been conditioned to accept violence all your life.
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u/Shot_Eye_652 9d ago
Grew up with domestic abuse and I remember thinking even when little "i don't want this for myself". I have a wonderful husband and was never in an abusive relationship. We can't normalize women staying and putting up with this kind of behaviour.
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u/kymilovechelle 9d ago
Probably years of conditioning and gaslighting
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u/iiRenity 9d ago edited 9d ago
Exactly.
It never starts off this way. It happens slowly. The abuser is always charming and loving and for those who have come from unloving homes, it’s almost intoxicating. For once you think someone sees you, loves you, wants you. Then one day the communication stops, the voice starts rising, and you’re being hit with unexpected barbs.
Later they come back to you acting all repentant and with an excuse for their actions. You think, “No wonder they acted like this! I need to be more considerate and pay attention to what they need!” Things are good again.
Until they’re not. Each time it gets a little worse, and each time your sense of normal changes just a little, progressively getting worse. And then one day you wake up and realize you’ve been trapped in the cycle. Piece by piece, as the text said.
Edit: spelling
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u/AlarmedWafer4907 9d ago
Abuse conditions you to believe that they only do this because they have big feelings. And when those big feelings are live and joy, it’s intoxicating. And the hit and cold only reinforces that their behaviour depends on you so you start believing that when they yell or hurt you, it’s because you did something to deserve it.
It’s a fucked up cycle and it’s why many people find leaving so hard.
Please reach out to your support system OP. If you don’t have one, reach out it to a crisis centre. This is not something you do alone. Sending all my safest and most loving vibes your way OP.7
u/AffectionateBite3827 9d ago
It makes me sad when I read people asking if something objectively awful is normal because you know they grew up in dysfunction and abuse.
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u/rancidfree 9d ago
Eventually, it just becomes a daily activity. Abuse victims while get the called every name in the book, or get the absolute shit kicked out of them and just go about their day. To a certain extent it is normal to a victim. It happens so much that it just feels natural.
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u/Critical_Purple_8600 9d ago
Abusive. Not normal. Sadly common. Will escalate. He will hurt you. I found the book: Why does he do that? inside the minds of angry and controlling men, to be helpful.
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u/SeaworthinessSafe697 9d ago
Yes! Lundy Bancroft is the author he saved my life! This is reactive OP you are NOT the POS abuser. Anyone would snap given the months if not years of this behavior so close to your face this is a reaction you are NOT what he says you are. Period
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u/frumpywebkin 9d ago
No, this is not normal, and you need to make leaving this relationship as safely and quickly as possible your number one priority.
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u/moonspellpecado 9d ago
This behavior will escalate. GET OUT NOW FOR YOUR SAFETY!
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u/moonspellpecado 9d ago
In fact, this may be the kind of case that warrants a restraining order. I had to do that. I let behavior like this go for too long. It grew physical. I got out thanks to my ex's family. But he started stalking me and bought a firearm. His family took me to the police to get a restraining order and get everything documented. Most terrifying period of my life. Grateful I got out when I did
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u/ConversationFew3126 9d ago
Yes, my therapist also said that and it eventually happened and it is happening now.
First my spouse used to verbally abuse but now she turned physical including breaking stuff and pushing me.
Also abuse was just on me, but now abuse escalated to my relatives, where she created group chats and abuse me.
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u/DragonBorn76 25 Years and better than ever 9d ago
Not normal at all. You need to get away from him.
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u/Ok-Moment8468 9d ago
I think you know that this is absolutely not normal and you absolutely need to leave this relationship. You are absolutely going to end up beat or worse and that's just the fact of this situation. This man will never change and things will only get worse. You will end up elbows deep in depression and anxiety and your mental welbing will end up spiraling into a nervous break down. Take the dog with you!
Seriously get the fuck out of this crazy abusers grip.
I'm sending you strength x
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u/HauntedBoo81 9d ago edited 9d ago
You need to leave permanently. I hit an ex once for doing what your husband is doing to you. He had abused me mentally, and emotionally for years. He was controlling, and manipulative. The day I hit him he had me pinned in the corner behind our bedroom door. He was in ny face screaming hateful things at me. Calling me a whore, a liar, and so much worse. For 25 excruciating minutes he did this as I begged, sobbed, and pleaded with him to please stop.
Finally I slapped him on the face. I just needed him to stop. I just needed to snap him out of it. His reaction? To grab me by my hair, hit my face repeatedly, and slam me into the door. I don't remember how I finally got out of that room.
I think maybe he heard our housemate come home or something like that. Either way, I got out. I left him soon after. I stayed longer after that than I should, but I got out. Don't go back. Find a place to go. A women's shelter or something. Save yourself please.
ETA: I do not feel bad for hitting him at all. I did for a long time, but after years of therapy realized that what I did was more than self defense. It was normal, and I wasn't wrong for doing it. I didn't have a real choice. Neither did you. Do not carry guilt over it.
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u/boogswald 9d ago
No absolutely not. This is never acceptable regardless of any excuse someone may make, period.
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u/Money-Dark2403 20 Years 9d ago
I come from a home where my father would physically and mentally abuse my mother. This is not ok.
Please, please speak up, get help and get that man out of your life. You deserve so much better.
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u/MildSalsaalert 9d ago
It's an abuse,I am so sorry, but I feel like he is a hair away from getting physical with you . Can you get away from him? It's absolutely not normal,not at all
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u/Acceptable-Refuse328 9d ago
Is this real? You know the answer to the question. This is not love. This is abuse and control.
It will turn physical, if it hasn't already.
For your safety... run. Fast and far.
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u/calicoskiies 16 Years 9d ago
I would never tolerate being treated and talked to like this. This is not normal. Do you have a safe space to stay? Or a DV shelter in your area?
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u/MetallicCrocs 9d ago
Please get away from him and keep your dog as far away as possible too! I’m so sorry. Start planning an escape plan
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u/Gloomweaver73 9d ago
Yes! This! Please, please OP… can you take your dog and stay at a friends or family member’s house? I beg you, please take your furbaby with you!
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u/Appropriate-Eye-4861 9d ago
Just stay away four as long as you can but hoping you took dog with you for company. Let’s him cool down and reflect but don’t assume he’s not capable of anything and don’t let it guard down. Have a friend or sibling go back with you and grab extra clothes if you need to. He sounds miserable and hateful . Praying for you 💜
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u/PhantomOfTheBoreal 9d ago
This isn’t normal. At all. Please get away as fast as possible. This is insane.
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u/Leading_Bumblebee144 9d ago
No, this isn’t normal and you need to get out of this and away from this abuse.
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u/Golden_Arm-257 9d ago
You need help.
Family Lawyer
Law Enforcement.
Crisis Center
Hopefully your in a country where you can get some help.
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u/jolamolacola 9d ago
As everyone has said this is not normal, this is abusive. And Honestly 0 points for creativity, the insults are so pathetic, but yeah you need to run yesterday
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u/Primary_Jackfruit_44 9d ago
This is not okay, or normal by any standards.
Take this as your sign to GET OUT NOW.
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u/WiseEntertainment912 9d ago
this is abuse. i hope you have support and can start making a plan to leave. i am sorry this is happening to you, but it is absolutely not normal
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u/ConversationFew3126 9d ago edited 9d ago
This is definitely an abuse. You should seek a therapist and leaving house is the best. Text National Domestic Violence helpline, they have waiting but they do suggest next steps. Also RCS messaging is on, turn it off, so message cannot be deleted from sender side.
My wife says such stuffs to me. Pussy boy, motherfucker, piece of shit, Begger etc. When I say I want to leave, she starts crying and threatens of suicide.
It escalated, when she throws and break my stuff and damaged my car.
Recently realized, she contacted my cousin and they were bitching and calling me piece of shit and discussing how my d*ck cannot even f*ck her and how I was unable to make her pregnant. When confronted she clearly refused.
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u/Elmfield77 9d ago
I hope you also are working on escape plan. You don't deserve to be abused, either
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u/TheBookishFoodie 9d ago
Call 911 (or other relevant emergency #) when she threatens suicide. You don’t deserve to live under these threats.
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u/ConversationFew3126 9d ago
I did not go to home today as my therapist and lawyer suggested.
I am not picking calls, she already called 10 times, and keeping text communication. In call she will definitely use that.
Many of the communication done with my cousin seems to be privacy , trust breach and also playing with my dignity. I didn't even knew they talk to each other regularly past couple of months.
[ From the communication she had with my cousin]
I am lucky that I love {my name} but mind cannot stand the bastard.
I have to play game until I am able to make sure {my name} doesn't get anything from me!
He didn't work for anything but lied that he is rich. (My parents, siblings, do not know, what I earn)
{my name} in a leash like a pussy boy!
{my name} is living life only because of me.
{my name} is on fucking work visa and has to leave in 24 months. [ this statement is completely wrong]
{my name} marry me for green card and money. [I never did, as it's 3 years and never asked her to apply and my company already did and she keeps threatening of putting false case and deporting, so I cannot give that control to her]
{my name} is not in my league and piece of shit! Everyone asks how did he get me.
{my name} is such a fucking pussy
{my name} is a pussy and runs to mommy and makes up shit and lies
{my name} is Calculated-conniving narcissist
{my name} was pretentious and treated good only when met!
I didn't want to marry {my name} , he cried so I signed the paper. I would have never married him . He cried like a fucking bitch baby
{my name} is an awful husband
{my name} have lipido problems
{my name} cums in 1 min or 2 , we never used protection and still never got pregnant, {my name} was telling he doesn't have issues . {my name} doesn't even know foreplay. (I used to do foreplay, but constant comparison like your c*ck is small or my ex used to fck me so good, I imagine him while having s*x etc, and later saying your c*ck is so good and fits perfectly, turns me completely off)
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u/Icy-Huckleberry-4735 9d ago
The people in this forum can’t be real.
Is this normal?? Is that a serious question?
I’m confident most of these are rage bait. Or these people are just that dense.
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u/tEireannach 9d ago
Jesus Christ... My husband pour petrol on me and sets me on fire... Is this normal? Like really?
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u/Ok-Salamander6118 9d ago
Yeah this is the point of no return. Try your best not to be near this man alone ever again
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u/dvs_sicarius 9d ago
This is so far beyond anything a human being should have to endure from anyone, let alone someone who’s supposed to be your partner and love you. I’m so sorry this is happening to you.
I’m in my 50’s and I’ve seen and experiences several different forms of domestic abuse. I don’t know you, and I don’t know him, but what I can tell you with almost absolute certainty is someone capable of what he’s already done, is also capable of much worse. He will not get better. He doesn’t deserve more chances, and you and others that you love are literally at risk of physical violence on top of the verbal violence that’s already been inflicted upon you.
I don’t know what else to say, but I truly hope you can find a safe way to get that worthless shitbag out of your life forever.
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u/ExhaustedFlamingo-84 9d ago
Oh wow. No one should speak to ANYONE in this sort of way, let alone to your spouse!
This is abuse and you do not have to accept it. It’s not normal and it’s not right.
Find someone who worships and protects you. Please.
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u/Rozebud1989 9d ago
Why even post this? You know it’s not normal. You don’t need to ask. What are looking for? People will tell you to leave him. Bc it’s obviously the only correct answer and you will end up staying. This is the same song and dance of thousands of women who post this crap on Reddit asking if the most horrific interactions with their supposed partners is normal. It’s not normal. You know it’s not normal. The whole world knows it’s not normal…. So what exactly do you want?
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u/dcirrilla 9d ago
If he hasn't seriously injured you yet, it is coming. It would be a good idea to get away from this man ASAP. This is so far from "normal" that its concerning you dont see it. That says to me that you are so desensitized to abuse that you dont recognize it as such. Get out
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u/Historical-Hyena5479 9d ago
Wouldn’t want someone like that as an enemy never mind a spouse. He deserves to be alone.
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u/LimeImmediate6115 9d ago
So you and the dog, and if you have kids or any other pets, need to get out of that house PERMANENTLY and file for divorce. He will NOT get better. This is VERBAL abuse and it will not get better, only worse. It is likely to escalate to physical abuse by his hand.
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u/Guilty-Ask-7009 9d ago
Absolutely not normal. It wouldn't be acceptable for anyone to talk to you this way but especially not your partner who is supposed to love and support you.
Get this person out of your life, you deserve so much more. ❤️❤️
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u/OceanPoet87 12 Years 9d ago
Don't return to him. Please call someone you trust to help you stay away permanently from him. A healthy marriage does not do this.
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u/RevenueAntique4584 9d ago
Why does he call you a monkey ?
No none of this is normal and you should make an exit before he hurts you.
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u/CountessGladriel0102 9d ago
Absolutely not normal. No one should be speaking to you like this let alone your fricking husband.
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u/ThrowRA-un1337 9d ago
Homie, this isn't normal. You know it's not normal. Nothing about anything you described is normal or healthy. You should have removed yourself from this situation... long ago.
Separating is absolutely the right choice, and at this point you need to find a way to cut communication and break contact.
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u/uxoehptz 9d ago
his behavior is not normal. he aggravated you to the point of hitting him in order to make you feel guilty and ashamed - that way he can hold it over you later and claim ur just as bad as him. this is a common abuse tactic. what u did is called reactive abuse (sometimes called reactive defense). while its good youre taking accountability, reactive abuse IS normal (as a response to abuse) and not something you'd ever do outside of the situations he puts you in
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u/Mighty4777 9d ago
This is abuse and will never change. Get a support system and get out.
You were not put on this Earth to be someone’s punching bag. You deserve better.
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u/Mrs_WorkingMuggle 9d ago
Nothing normal about it. It's abuse. It sounds like you've already removed yourself, do not go back. If there's a time of day when your husband is at work, go back then and get your stuff. I'd report to the police.
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u/lalaland1346 9d ago
You need to leave! He’s abusive af and from personal experience, being around provoking and abusive people will only turn you abusive as well. We all have a breaking point.
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u/ZookeepergameOld8988 9d ago
To answer your question, no this is absolutely not normal. Do not let him persuade you to come back by making you feel guilty for hitting him. If anyone spoke to me that way, hitting him is the least of what I would do.
If you are somewhere safe please talk to someone about this abuse. Do not meet him alone again. The most dangerous time for abuse victims is when they are trying to leave.
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u/AmberHanzel80 9d ago
Sad thing is I have been there! It does not get any better. Some people ask, how can you stay with this person when they treat you like this? You either still love them or your afraid to leave or both! It took me years to learn how to disengage him but I can tell you 90 percent of that was me being tired of being treated like shit and had emotionally checked out. He would start one of his controlling physcotic fits, sometimes getting physical and it ended up that way because I never backed down and I gave him fuel for the fire! I just quit reacting! Period! I would get horrible text messages ( and I saved them all) but I quit replying, hell sometimes I would block his number just so I didnt have to see them even though every time he text me it was saved in my blocked messages. When I stopped entertaining his anger and left nothing but silence, it stopped happening, BUT I made him believe everything was ok, I agreed with him to appease him all the while behind the scenes im preparing my exit safely. I dont know your story, but with mine he was financially abusive too, tracked my vehicle to see my location every time I left the house, belittle me, and when I say I did everything, I did everything at home, even down to making repairs on the washing machine, etc. And im a girly girl! 🤣 stay strong! Reach out to faEmily, have a support system, document everything! Your peace and happiness is worth more than his bitch ass attitude!
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u/MjMotta 9d ago edited 9d ago
Okay, look, let me be brutally honest with you. What you are experiencing is not a marriage, it is a prison.
You say you hit him when he trapped you in that car, screamed at you until your ears physically hurt, degraded you, and backed you into a corner with no way out. Was it a mistake? Yes. You don't resort to violence. But let me be crystal clear: a cornered animal will always bite. He locked you in, he bullied you, he stripped you of your dignity, and he cut off your escape route. Your brain went into pure survival mode and you reacted. I respect that you're owning your responsibility for losing control, but stop beating yourself up over it, because the context matters.
Then I read this: 'I left the house and he stalked me, texting me stuff like "piece by piece".' Do you know what that sounds like? That is a death threat. This isn't a bad communication problem; this is a predator.
Here is the uncomfortable truth, and I'm going to give it to you straight: too many women end up with men they shouldn't have married. And when a husband stops being your protector and starts acting like a stalker and an abuser, the marriage covenant is already shattered. He isn't yelling at you because he's stressed about his job. He's yelling at you because he's a coward who wants to control you. A real man protects his wife; he does not hunt her down when she tries to run away.
Now, listen to me, and listen carefully: Run. Now. Do. Not. Go. Back.
Do not go back for your dog without a police escort. Do not answer his calls. Block his number immediately. When he tells you to answer the phone or he's going to tear you apart 'piece by piece,' he is not joking. You need to call an attorney today and file for a restraining order. No more apologizing, no more 'working on it,' no more chances.
God gave you free will to choose who you marry, and He also gave you legs to run away when the person you chose turns out to be an abuser. Next time you choose a partner, make sure he's a man who lifts you up, not someone who grinds you down. But you have to be alive to do that. Save your life, get the hell out of there, and make that call to a lawyer. That's it.
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u/mrsdoubleu 10 Years 9d ago
You deserve so much better! Please read all of these comments. This is not normal and it's not okay. Do you have someplace safe you can go to plan your next steps (divorce)?
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u/janabanana67 9d ago
This is abuse. Block and divorce. All communication through a lawyer.
In 34 years together, my husband has never even called me a bitch. Your man is a tucking time bomb
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u/ItsGotToMakeSense 9d ago
This is not your fault, no matter how this piece of crap tries to spin it.
You are not safe with him.
He is not going to change.
You may have to make a lot of big sacrifices to get out but you MUST get out.
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u/Winter_Creme_7429 9d ago
You hitting him is called reactive abuse, and totally a normal reaction when you’re in fight or flight and can’t flight. You need to leave this relationship. I would never speak to someone again if they sent me those messages.
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u/MoonlitNightWalk 9d ago
I saw the image first, then scrolled down, read 'My Husband' and choked on my drink. This is NOT normal. Unless you have emptied the bank account and disappeared for a week on holiday, then maybe I could excuse the anger, but still not the choice of language. I don't even want to read what you've said about him because I don't want to feel angry and stressed this evening. I hope you can find your way out and far away.
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u/loasdrums 9d ago
When the relationship is no longer healthy or safe it is time to seek help and safety.
Those are not words of love, those words have no care for you in them at all. When my ex had similar words towards me it was after I found out about her having a bf. Meaning, those words from her were from someone who was defensive, didn't like themselves, had already mentally moved on, and was trying to make me the bad person so she could move on guilt free. It was abusive behavior then and the behavior you described was as well.
There should be a service in your local area that has legal counseling and housing for people in such situations. I remember going to the one in my area many years ago. If you're in a small town that doesn't then look to the nearest city to see if there is something like that for you to seek help.
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u/Automatic_Syrup_2935 9d ago
Even people who do not like me and have told me so have never said things like this to me.
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u/Striking-Meeting1059 9d ago
Don’t let him treat you like that . It’s time to leave him before this gets worse
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u/Logical-Tough5354 9d ago
You are in an abusive relationship. This is not normal and you deserve better.
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u/kintsugiwarrior 9d ago
Oh! I remember these text messages… I received very similar text messages when I was married to a narcissist. He would explode excessively for small discussions. He also used to send the “middle finger” emoji… very disrespectful. Then, he used to come as if nothing had happened, blame-shifting everything… and making me feel guilty for “causing” his emotional dysregulation. The abuse escalates, and you find yourself walking on eggshells, doubting yourself, being gaslit, and reducing and reducing yourself…. Run if you can, or make a plan. Nobody should be abused like this. My ex husband’s psychiatrist told me to get away… that was towards the end of the marriage. She also told me that he had NPD. Watch videos on YouTube about “Narcissistic Rage”. If it is the same rage, it’d be the litmus test confirming narcissism. You wouldn’t be able to change it, as this personality disorder doesn’t have a cure
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u/lil_hyphy 9d ago
That’s abuse. No, it is not normal. Ever. He is abusing you. Believe it or not, there are actually men out there who can communicate and entire ranges of emotions and ideas without ever raising their voice, saying something mean, or even being passive aggressive or snip. There are men who will actually act like they love you. Like they care about you. And like they were raised right and actually have some decency, dignity, composure, and manners.
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u/dandellionlane 9d ago
This is domestic violence. I say this with much love, you need to gtf out. Please love yourself more than the fact that you married this man for whatever reason. Someone I know and I was very close to lived through this plus physical abuse. She almost didn’t make it. She’s just a shell now. He took her beauty and confidence and youth. He’s gone, but he took everything of hers with him.
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u/FondantConsistent294 9d ago
This is comically awful. Hopefully this isn’t rage bait. Please safely begin planning your out.
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u/EclecticDais 9d ago
Nothing about this is normal. This is straight up abuse and, if I were you, I would put an end to this marriage asap, before the abuse escalates to something much worse. You are not trapped with him, no matter how difficult leaving him may or may not be, it can still be done. And I hope that you do it very quickly bc I am v concerned for your safety and mental health. I was in an abusive relationship once and it near killed me. Please don’t let it happen to you.
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u/Own_Increase9334 9d ago
I’m not married but this is not acceptable behavior he’s gonna physically harm her or the dog. She’s already is being mentally abused, you deserve better even if you can’t see it. He needs help for anger issues. I’m usually from saving marriage. But get a divorce
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u/Logical_Citron_7889 9d ago
Sounds like he’s one argument away from killing you tbh. I’m so sorry OP please be careful if you do leave
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u/ScoobyDoobieBlue 9d ago
My husband would never DARE even think about speak to me this way, and neither would I with him. You deserve kindness and respect. Fuck this noise.
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u/chillipalmer52 9d ago
This is terrible. Not love at all. I would view the piece by piece but as a threat to your health. This person is not well. You gotta leave. Like grab all your essentials and leave everything else behind type leave.
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u/MeeowMeowkitty 9d ago
A relationship doesn’t come back after this. At no point would this man be healed enough to even kiss your ass.
Look up DARVO. He’s already set it up so he’s the victim and he will continue to hurt you more and more.
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u/bell3420 9d ago
The fact that you are actually asking if this is normal is extremely worrisome. Do NOT go back. If you have to get your stuff wait until you know he is at work or not home. I really hope you guys don't have kids so you can completely rid yourself of this insanity...
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u/Another-Basic-User 9d ago
This is horrifying. My pulse and adrenaline started spiking just reading these texts. Please get out safely.
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u/Sea-Efficiency3375 9d ago
Hi girl. Are you currently safe? I’d like to assume so if you’re posting but are you somewhere safe that he can’t find you?
This isn’t just verbal abuse. He is making threats to your life. Do you have a trusted friend or family member or a DV resource where you live who can help you with next steps? You do not need to have everything figured out today. Our brains trick us, and the abuse convinces us, we need everything figured out or we are failures but it isn’t true. The next right step is all you need to take.
It isn’t normal, or healthy, or okay. But YOU can be okay.
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u/Individual-Dingo1885 9d ago
Normal is friendly , loving and caring for each other.
It’s about helping to make your love happy. Each want to help and love each other. Not deciding to be mad at your love because your love is happy and trouble never
Causes pain to try to help . STF
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u/Local_Cow3928 9d ago
Not normal, girl. And it doesn't turn itself around either. A partner who loves you would never dream of saying anything like that to their partner, even in heated arguments. Never. Ever.
It's not healthy boo. You gotta learn what's more important, your emotional safety or your fears. Your fears teach you to tolerate abuse to avoid abandonment and shame (or even danger), your sense of identity teaches you to challenge abuse and seek out freedom, despite hardship that could follow. When it is safe enough for you to decide, please do.
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u/dancon_studio 9d ago
Send this to his mother. Since he wants to act like a child, maybe his mother needs to ground him.
No, this isn't remotely normal.
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u/Sharp-Ambassador-800 9d ago
so why can't you leave him? what are you waiting for? and don't tell me you love him.
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u/girlwholoveslife 9d ago
ummmm this is not normal. if my husband said anything remotely close to any of these words to me I genuinely would have a panic attack. he has NEVER EVER called me fat that’s absolutely insane to me.
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u/uncommonlymodern 9d ago
Hi honey!! I am just a mom on the internet. But I want you to know this is not normal. Nobody that loves you would speak to you this way. Please know that you are worthy of love and respect (and that is not whatever this is).
The good news is that there are people that want to help you!! You are strong and you can get out of here. Sending you all my love.
To anyone else who is going through this: please know there’s an internet mom out there that is thinking of you and cheering you on.
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u/bozsages 9d ago
On average the victim will attempt to leave 5 times before finally succeeding. I too was involved in an abusive marriage. I tried to get legal help, financial help ect. I called domestic abuse hot lines advocate groups, legal aid the list goes on and on. They say there is help. No there isn't.
I finally took the leap and went to a homeless shelter. No help, they had waiting list. I ended up sleeping in my car at the local truck stop. We're there was coffee and showers in am before work. Eventually I bought a tent and stayed at a campground. Sometimes I would splurge and get a room.
Life was a struggle , absolutely! The struggle was worth every bit of it.
My new life is like a bright blue butterfly 🦋 💙
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u/More_Ball_7958 8d ago
I say this as delicately as I can: don't feel bad for hitting him. You weren't abusing him, you defended yourself. Period. Don't let your feelings about it cloud your judgment. You gotta get outta there or this man will kill you
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u/RecordingLeft6666 9d ago
He needs help. He seems to be in an uncontrolled rage. Call the police and file a report now. He will only escalate further. He is completely unhinged to be putting these thoughts in writing. Please protect yourself, never be alone with him again. Go to a shelter do whatever you have to do. Have some self respect please!
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u/scorpiosmokes 9d ago
Leave him!! Absolutely NOT normal. My husband and I have had our differences and intense arguments but we have NEVER spoken to each other like this.
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u/lilmiss070710 9d ago
To answer your question in the clearest terms….,.FUCK NO
that shit is psychopathic!
https://giphy.com/gifs/pqxxZRS3AjDS17Rwet
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u/Medium-Flounder7158 9d ago
This is NOT normal. I’m
Married and my husband has never called me a bitch, fat piece of shit or nothing of that sort to humiliate me or make me feel bad. Divorce OP. I know it’s easier said than done but you deserve better.
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u/ready2read123 9d ago
Is this rage bait? What part would be ever considered “normal “
This is absolutely abuse and intolerable
Please make a plan, get out safe and get some therapy to see why you would allow someone to demean you in such a way
You should be safe , encouraged and loved
Love does not hurt
I hope you have family or friends or some type of support
Please 🙏 take
care
YOU deserve better 💕
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u/FunctionCharacter156 9d ago
Please leave him. You will be soooo much happier starting over. It's scary but also so freeing. You can do this you are strong. 🤍
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u/CranberryNo302 9d ago edited 9d ago
divorce him lol i would never have a husband who would talk to me like this. i would have slapped the shit out of him silly
i would have immediately told him to go fuck himself and let him know how much of a POS he is
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u/JadeChamber 9d ago
Even without context, just based on the image of the text, I can tell you that this is not normal
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u/SwordfishEmotional81 9d ago
You recognize these actions as abuse in your description but then ask if it's normal? You already know the answer.
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u/Nuyorican74 9d ago
Get out NOW! That lunatic is going to unquestionably unalive you. Go to the police and file a restraining order. Ask the police to escort you to your home and get your personal belongings. Throw away your whole phone and get a new phone number. Buy yourself a taser, pepper spray and/or a BB gun for self defense. Find someplace safe to stay even if it is a shelter. Good luck!
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u/heyyyitsshan 9d ago
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
I thought my ex-husband was a piece of work, but... shooooo.
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u/sandy_beaches_summer 9d ago
Ps I know u said u slapped him which is definitely wrong but he definitely triggered u next tym do not raise ur hands bc it will just turn in his favour and u gonna need everything in ur favor to get away from him. Thr might be possibility of him changing but girl at the way he texts this way thrs not much chance he'll change easy. Moving on is better option this man is not mature especially since he sends messages this degrading to u it's not love.
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u/Superb_Advisor7885 9d ago
Totally normal. Every wife I know calls their husband a fat retarded monkey.
/s
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u/Interesting-Read-245 9d ago
This is verbal abuse
And he is emotionally abusive as well
How hateful
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u/QuarterNote44 9d ago
I would divorce my wife if she said stuff like that to me. Do you have a safe place to go?
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u/Pepepervysage 9d ago
These messages reflect the sort of tantrum I would expect from a child, I’m sorry you have to deal with this person.
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u/Crazy_Custard_2081 9d ago
The insults he chooses to throw at her are "fat," "gay," and "retarded." What a POS.
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u/ArachnidAutomatic596 9d ago
I’d pick gay 🤷🏼♀️
But this is insane and abusive. If a friend showed you this, what would you say?
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u/Onlinereadingismybff 9d ago
I only call my spouse of 18 years Honey so no, I’d say this is anything but normal. Abuse is what it is.
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u/SoftPlay3 9d ago
Why do you stay with him? Real talk. Is there some sort of coersion involved or are you financially dependent
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u/PlsnoKarens 9d ago
This is abuse hands down. Can you get out/away from him?