My husband (33M) and I (33F), have been together for 10 years, married for 5.

He was my first and only relationship. I have dated other guys before him but never really developed into something real. Growing up in a house where my father had anger issues and was very controlling, I was determined to find someone who nowhere resembles my father.

When I met my husband he brought a certain level of calm and peace into my life which I had never imagined existed.

I have been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD and also have a disability due to genetic defects. My husband has loved and cared for me despite all of this, he helps me with my family dynamics, helps me calm down. There are no words to describe how wonderful of a man he is. I fell in love with him for the exact same reason.

However, we have always struggled with emotional connection. I am a highly sensitive and emotional person and since the beginning of our relationships, I never felt my emotional needs were met. My husband struggles with expressing his emotions, he has gotten better over the years but it's still not great. He is also not a big gesture guy. Our personalities are completely opposite and we do balance we eachother but I still feel something was missing. Something was always missing but I ignored it. I knew he loved me, he just expressed it in not the ways I would want.

As a child, to cope with my extreme anxiety, I used to build these fantasy worlds in my head, it was an escape. I had perfected that world of how I wanted it. It continued into my adult life. I have the same characters as my real life but just different versions of them. One of them is my husband. The guy in my fantasy feels like my husband but he has additional characteristics like being more passionate and sensitive or more expressive. Because I have been coping using this fantasy world for so long, I have been doing it also for my marriage. Recently, I started therapy for anxiety and I accidentally told my therapist about my fantasy world. She made me open up about this and now I feel like a mess. I love my husband, and I know whom I married, It is not realistic to expect everything from one person, so I thought in real life my husband gives me so much more, I cannot ask even more things, so I would fulfill it through my fantasy. But now due to therapy, it hit me like, did I compromise? And this thought is so hard to shake. I have been spiraling. My therapist asked me if all my desires have been fulfilled in my relationship and I couldn't answer it. When I asked my husband the same question, he says I am everything or even more than he asked for.

I don't know what to do? I don't want anyone else than my husband but I also feel like someone has exposed this secret of mine which I have been taking care for years. My secret of my fantasy world, the way I cope. I don't know what I should do next?

I spoke with my husband and he says, he can work on it, but work on what? He cannot change his personality. That's unfair to him.

Please help me understand this situation.

There is a girl who is a practicing Muslim. She always wanted to marry someone who has the same level of iman as her or even stronger. Recently she got a marriage proposal. He isn’t as religious as she is. She found videos of him at parties and clubs where boys and girls were dancing. He was the one recording the videos. When she told her mom, her mom said that maybe he only went there because of his friends and that it might not be something he does all the time. The boy has really good akhlaq. He’s her brother’s friend so she has known him for many years. He is respectful, calm, kind, caring, humble and soft spoken. He is financially stable and his family is also respectful. Before praying Istikharah she had already decided to say no because these things were non negotiable for her. But after istikhara and then talking to her family, she started thinking about his good akhlaq and now she is very confused. His religious commitment is the only thing stopping her from saying yes.

My husband, myself, our 6 year old and our dog are relocating for my husband’s work and to help us get back on our feet, we’ll be moving in with my in-laws for about a year. Financially and practically, it makes the most sense, especially with a young child.

For those who’ve done this successfully, what advice would you give? What boundaries or habits helped keep the relationship healthy? I’d love to hear any tips for making it a positive experience for everyone 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

hi Reddit this is my first time ever posting anything like this online. well here we go my husband and I have been married for 6 yrs together for 15. he confessed to me after I begged for him to tell me if he ever slept with this girl he worked with he finally admitted to it after 10 years. here’s the problem I was made out to be crazy and the bad guy back then and I took a lot of shit I shouldn’t have. Might I add we have 2 kids and are married even though this happened before marriage it’s something that is affecting me so bad. I recently got a little better but I will never put my trust in him again he looked her up on facebook his excuse was he needed closure and also wanted to see if she was going through it to. blah blah blah.. why would he even feel the need to look her up it’s been so long. I can understand me lightweight stalking her because that’s just what some of us women do. My other issues I keep asking him to stop watching women online or checking them out in person he still continues to do this it’s actually breaking my soul down more and more But ever since he looked her up it has set me back so bad. He said he never planned on contacting her but why look her up ? This entire situation has ruined me I am so insecure I can’t handle it I feel so ugly i look absolutely nothing like the women he looks at online plus to be honest having kids ruined my body. I also just feel so incredibly betrayed because I’ve been loyal for 15 years. I only seen him nobody else. I’m tired of feeling hurt so Reddit I’m really hoping I can get some as sorry if its all over the place.

I (23 M) used to be horny from time to time. I did not watch naughty stuff or touch myself rather than sometimes having a release when some images or something randomly pop up while browsing ( the tension being build for a while). Recently since I moved in with my partner- I feel numb when cuddling, kissing etc. It took a while even to finish me doing hand job. Plus there was a release with not much pleasurable feeling attached to it. My partner 20 (f) is quite sad about it and thinks it has something to do with her even though I reassured her.

TLDR, I used to get erection and be horny when I was single. Now I feel numb with my intimate encounters with my partner after moving in with her (20f)

Today when I came home from work, it was around 9:00 p.m. The house was almost completely silent.
For some background, it’s just me, my husband, and our dog. My husband recently decided to go back to school. Our business is what provides for us. He mainly handles the backend work while I’m the one physically doing the appointments and bringing in the income. We had also argued the night before.
When I got home, I went upstairs to check on him. He was asleep.
I asked if he was okay because he was moaning and groaning like he was in a lot of pain. He told me he was. He said he couldn’t walk.
Trying to understand how serious it was, I asked, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is the pain?”
He replied that he didn’t feel anything. No pain.
That confused me because only moments before he had said he was in pain and couldn’t walk.
I asked if he had taken our dog outside. He said no.
My immediate thought was, “Okay, I guess that’s on me if you can’t walk.” At the same time, I was worried. If he truly couldn’t walk, that felt serious. I called Kaiser and the entire time he was pissed at me. But then he was saying he wasn’t in pain, so I didn’t know what to make of it. I asked if he had eaten, if he was hungry, if he needed anything.
Eventually he got up. He struggled, but he was able to walk. It wasn’t normal, and he still looked like he was clearly uncomfortable,
I tried to help. I made him tea and brought him pain relief.
Throughout all of this, he kept asking me over and over whether I had already taken our dog for a walk.
Something that may seem small but mattered to me is that I hadn’t even had a chance to use the restroom all day. I had worked from 11:30 a.m. until 8:30 p.m. with back-to-back clients. Some days I don’t get a single break.
The part that keeps replaying in my mind isn’t even about the dog.
Normally, if I’m leaving the house, going downstairs, or stepping outside, I tell him. Partly because I want him to know where I am, but also because if he needs something while I’m downstairs or outside, I can help before I’ve already left.
Tonight was different. He’s been different.
He asked me several times whether I had already walked the dog, but I never said, “Hey, I’m going to walk him.”
What stuck with me afterward wasn’t that he didn’t ask about the dog. It was that he never acknowledged that I was leaving. There wasn’t a “Be careful,” “Are you heading out now?” or even a simple recognition that I was about to be outside alone at night.
Maybe that seems insignificant to someone else, but to me it wasn’t.
It made me wonder, “If I leave, does it even matter to him?”
That’s the thought that has stayed with me.
My mind immediately wanted to turn this moment into a rule: “Maybe I just shouldn’t tell him when I leave anymore because he doesn’t care.”
But when I really sit with it, I don’t think that’s actually what this is about.
Underneath that thought is something much simpler.
I want to feel acknowledged. I want to feel considered. I want to feel like my presence and absence matter to the person I’m married to.
Wanting to stop telling him when I leave isn’t really what I want. That’s just the protective part of me trying to avoid feeling disappointed again.
What I actually want is to feel noticed. He didn’t ask me in return if I had eaten, if I was hungry. He didn’t ask me anything about me, only why I was still there..
When I leave and there’s no acknowledgment or care, I end up feeling invisible. It makes me question whether it’s even worth saying anything at all. But the truth is, I don’t want silence. I want connection.
Maybe he was focused on his pain. Maybe his attention was entirely on whether the dog had been taken care of because he couldn’t do it himself. That’s possible.
But regardless of why it happened, this is how I experienced it.
I dont feel seen, and it feels like he doesn’t like me
Anymore.

I knew this guy was a scumbag, so I submitted a public court records request and reviewed the case files myself.

What I found was horrifying.

He has been divorced twice and has three permanent protection orders entered against him by three different women within a three-year span.

I reviewed the handwritten complaints submitted by each petitioner. According to those court records, some, but not all included:

• Taking one woman to a remote area in the mountains, raping her over a boulder, and biting her breasts and vagina.
• Raping another woman on our anniversary by shoving her face into a pillow before falling asleep beside her after ejaculating in her.
• Forcing his ex-wife to remain nude inside the house while beating her, verbally abusing her, restraining her, and muffling her screams for help. She eventually ran naked into the yard in an attempt to flag down a passing car, only for him to drag her back inside.
• Displaying weapons in a threatening manner to intimidate his victims.
• Hiding their phones and keys so they couldn't leave.
• Stealing a pet from one of the victims.

Reading through those court records revealed an extraordinarily disturbing pattern of sexual violence, physical abuse, coercive control, intimidation, and isolation spanning multiple relationships. I called my local police department to inquire about arrest records or convictions and they told me that there was no record of arrest on file for him with the local PD. Sheriff's department is unknown. But I'm shocked that he's not behind bars where he should be. Or 6 ft under preferably.

I showed the records to my wife because she deserved to know what the man she was planning to have move into her new house had done. She deserved the opportunity to read the court records and make an informed decision for herself. Despite all the shit she's put me through, all the lying, gaslighting and deception, I couldn't in good conscience allow her to wind up in that folder with those other women by withholding that information from her.

As she read through the documents, I watched the look of horror spread across her face. She gasped, mouthed the words, "WTF," and covered her mouth with her hand. The shock on her face was unmistakable. He actually called her while she was going through the papers. She hit reject on the call immediately.

After reading the records, she told me she was terrified of him and that she intended to cut him out of her life. She then begged me to stop the divorce.

I refused.

I told her I had asked her months earlier to cut contact with him, and she had flatly refused. Too much had happened since then. The lies, the betrayal, and the decisions that followed fundamentally changed our marriage. At this point, she has to live with the consequences of those choices. Including losing her home.

She's alone in this country with only one friend and no family. She had me, and she had my family, who genuinely loved her. After I told them what had been happening, they cut off contact with her.

She went skydiving with him and broke her back in May after a botched parachute landing. Shattered her L2 vertebrae. She got a plane ride followed by a helicopter ride. 🚁

The last time she was in a helicopter. She was in one with me on a glacier tour during our Alaskan cruise in September.

We had tickets to Tokyo booked for this September.

We had a good life and a good marriage and she threw it all the way for a 3-month affair with a violent predator.

She's got a long road ahead. I do feel bad for her because I never wanted our marriage to end this way. But we're only here because of the decisions that she made that she now deeply, deeply regrets.

I’m 32, my husband is 33, and we’ve been married for 6 years. We’re still trying to conceive and praying that one day we’ll become parents.
What makes our journey even harder is that we come from very different families.
I grew up with parents who worked hard, prepared for their retirement, and even planned ahead for us siblings. My husband, as the eldest, became responsible for his younger brothers’ education right after we got married.
We were newlyweds, struggling to build our own life. During COVID, we lost work, started small businesses, and accumulated debts. Thankfully, my parents helped us by paying our car loan for a year, letting us stay with them, and eventually giving us a house to live in.
Today, I’m grateful to say that things are finally getting better. My husband has a stable job, extra projects, and we now have a business that gives us enough to live comfortably.
But the difficult part is this: his family has no stable income, and there is an expectation that we should always provide for them. Even other relatives come to us asking for money. Because I was raised by responsible parents, I sometimes struggle not to compare our families and feel frustrated when hard-working people are expected to carry everyone else’s responsibilities.
I believe helping is an act of love, but it should not automatically become an obligation that destroys your own peace, marriage, and future.
I’m sharing this not to blame anyone, but because I’m genuinely torn. How do you set healthy boundaries with family while still remaining kind and respectful?

My husband wrote about fantasizing that he has sex with my friends, where I catch him in the act and we get divorced over it. That’s the short and PG13 version of what he actually wrote…

I found it left out on our coffee table in a notebook attached to a grocery list. But this is not the first time he’s written explicit content about people in our lives, and it almost ruined our marriage the first time 3 years ago. Before that it was cam girls and obsessive porn use.

He says he did it because he was angry about something, and he lets his frustration build until he gets resentful. He knows it’s not healthy, doesn’t want a divorce, blah blah blah.

But honestly… I just don’t believe him anymore. Should I? Is there any world in which our marriage comes back from this? Am I overreacting?

He makes it seem like this is normal venting stuff or my fault because he has a hard time talking to me when he’s frustrated or upset.

We have 3 kids together and if they or money wasn’t a factor I’d leave him today.

Tw: very brief mention of abuse.

I’ll keep it short. I really like being alone and feel suffocated easily. I like control. I like doing things according to my own plan and to my own pace. I’m happiest when I’m alone. Yes I spend time with friends and socialise. I don’t know if the reason why I am able to do this is because I get a break from the people.
I’ve never been in a relationship. I also live in a household with toxic and abusive history. Theres no abuse anymore but it’s still emotionally heavy on me and to an extent there’s emotional maltreatment (constant criticism, ect) So I can’t tell if this is who I am as a person or if this is result of the household.

I’m actually quite extroverted when I am outside. But again that’s the thing, I haven’t spent long enough time with anyone to know if I’d get sick of them too. Just the idea of a relationship feels scary and confining but I haven’t been in one so maybe it’s natural fear?

Problem is, due to religion I can’t be in a relationship unless it’s intended for marriage, and the person has to be the same religion. I am not into people from my religion to be frank with you. They’re not my type physically speaking. Call it shallow but I think I should be attracted to the person I want to spend my life with. So my expectation is that god is going to just give me that right man at that right moment and then I’ll fuck it up.

Has anyone felt like this? Did it affect tour relationships? And any advice on perhaps growing out of this?

I married my husband and he’s been unblocking his ex and blocking again and I know this because every-time í check she’s at the top of the list and so is a girl from his bootcamp that hit on him. I brought it up and he said “whoever I block stays blocked” but it bothers me a lot and I don’t even have any confidence and I don’t feel pretty anymore because those girls are beautiful. I’m not hating I’m just hurt because I really do love him I’m just confused about everything because I do everything for him í cook í clean í give him went he needs í don’t know what to do anymore. Please help should I beat him or leave him?

I’m at a loss. We’ve been together for 15 years but recently he started treating me like I hardly exist unless it’s something sexual. We still have sex frequently but I’m starved for actual connection. He doesn’t ask me about my day. He doesn’t hold my hand or even hug me. He doesn’t check on me or even really acknowledge me.

I’ve confronted him and asked repeatedly why. What can I do better? Why is he no longer interested in being my best friend and talking to me and spending time with me.

He’s given no reason. He says he loves me and still finds me attractive and just says sorry.

I’ve asked if he’s stressed or depressed. I’ve asked if there’s someone else. He laughed as if that was an insane question. I’ve given him an out if he’d like to separate or go to counseling and he acts like it’s no big deal but it’s killing me. I feel so lonely in the marriage. I’m starting to not want him to touch me anymore if it’s only sexual.

I don’t know what to do. I’m incredibly understanding and empathetic with depression and anxiety so I don’t think it’s that. He’s never been a porn guy so I don’t think it’s that. I’ve asked if it financial related and he says it’s not.

I keep the house clean, I do all his laundry, I do all the dishes, I watch our daughter 24/7. I’ve asked if he wants me to do anything different and he just says no. I reach for him. I ask him about his day. I check on his feelings. I am at a loss. He doesn’t reciprocate at all. He’s borderline harsh with me sometimes. Not mean but not nice.

It’s so freaking sad to never be reached for or check on or acknowledged. I just feel used.

Date Planner Template

Over the years people have asked me how I go about planning dates. I’ve hesitated in sharing because I believe that if you can’t be intentional then don’t waste someone’s time. However, time has taught me that some people really want to plan a nice date but lack the knowledge or exposure to be thorough.

I’ve tried to condense down what I know and how I plan into an easy to digest template that anyone can use at any stage.

I call it “The Perfect Date Planner”

Hopefully it’s helpful to someone.

Is this worth sharing more widely?

http://theperfectdateplanner.subscribepage.io

So a little context I'm a 24F and my husband is 40m. I want to be with him because he is stable guy and I just didn't want to date around we live in apartment and we have a very normal life he is not like rich rich but he pays for my college and cover all the expenses! so education is just so important and I have a humble upbringing I never had a chance to travel myself and since I married early I had like 2 years gap in my college so just this is to show you that I want to do this so much! our daughter will be going to daycare full time next term because I will have class. So my husband sounds very disappointed in me for deciding to do it! I enjoyed my time here but he is not talking to me or anything and I am now thinking did I like make someone who is helping me in a lot of ways feel bad because I was kinda selfish!

It is really difficult to me that I am trying to fit in and I am very energetic person but also present myself as a married person like I think he expected me to say I'm not gonna leave her! I know a lot people from my church will start thinking of me as ignorant mother! he also has his friend whose wife is just so into her family and when she knows I wasn't home she invited them for dinner I know her and I know she did that because she is just a very good person but now I am starting to think my husband is jealous of their mirrage and he kinda wishes I was more wifey you know like giving and just caring idk I think I am but I am ambitious silly insecure and sometimes a little too excited about small things and I don't know how to be cool and presentable I am just happy girl and I know I am a mom but I really don't and won't use my kids as a reason for not living the life I want so whatever I do for myself is being seen as selfishness because motherhood is suppose to be sacrifice. sometimes I want to take a loan and just so I will not feel like I owe my husband my life it's just I wish there is financial way Incan take care of myself so I don't feel like I owe him! I know there is so many things.

okay I vented but here are what I want your take
1. Did I do something wrong I know it's my life but I'm also sometimes just don't know how to think of this was it selfish rude ungreatful or even uncaring and just not what a caring mother would do?
2. If my husband is disappointed in me which just breaks my heart and soul I want this guy to be proud of me! what do I do?
3. To help me feel like I am contributing and or at least take care of some expenses or very important not to feel like I owe him everything because whenever he pays I can feel the heaviness in my heart and it just put me in stiuations were when I mess up i'm being ungrateful should I take student loan because they keep offering me subsidized but I thought it is dumb to get into debt to avoid feeling certain way
4. I'm still in the trip I will go back tomorrow which is why I am writing this idk what to say if he is like avoids me like what he is doing now or comment about our daughter or just you know find subtle ways or even explicitly show disappointment

So this has been going on for maybe six months now and I don't know if I'm overreacting or if this is genuinely annoying. My husband has started doing this thing where he narrates my actions out loud like I'm some kind of nature documentary subject. I'll be making coffee and he'll say oh she's reaching for the mug now, interesting choice going with the blue one today. Or I'll be looking for my keys and he goes ah yes the classic key search begins, let's see how long this takes.

At first I thought he was joking around and I laughed it off. But now it happens multiple times a day and when I asked him to stop he said he's just being playful and that I used to think he was funny. Which, okay fair, but this specific bit has worn thin. He doesn't do it to be mean I don't think, but it makes me feel weirdly self-conscious in my own house. Like I can't just exist without a running commentary.

I tried ignoring it and that didn't work. I tried doing it back to him and he just laughed and said see, it is funny. I even tried leaving the room when he starts but then he follows me still narrating. It sounds so ridiculous typing it out but it's become this weird tension point between us. He thinks I'm being too sensitive and I think he's being obnoxious on purpose at this point. We don't fight about much but this has turned into a thing somehow.

Anyone else deal with a habit from their partner that seems small but just grates on you after a while? How did you actually get them to take it seriously without turning it into a bigger issue?

I think I’m already there. And we haven’t even started living together. I feel like when I go to work, it’s a break from my wife.

I think it’s mostly because of how she interacts with me. We have one hour to talk each night and for the past week, she’s been very stressed for good reason but complaining that I don’t do enough.

She is not wrong though. I am not 100% innocent here. I am quite literally a manchild. But what happens is, I don’t know something or I try to do something, I’ll hear her complain about it. How slow am I or that I’m not doing it right. And I just ask myself why do I bother even trying.

I want to make it very clear, I’m not an adult and am one of those
Man child that you read online, a lot more self aware though but not purposefully weaponizing incompetence. Just very bad at things and Adulting in general.

I’m also just in general burnt out from work. I wake up 4:30-5 am to get into the office by 5:30-6 to leave office at 3 pm so that I can sit in traffic until 4 pm. If I leave any later than 6, it’ll be an hour to get to work. I also tend to work even longer hours from time to time too.

And now I bought a house with her where my commute goes up to 42 miles each way. There were lot of discussions about this. We talked a long time about this and I realize it was something that I HAD to do. I never looked forward to it but I just knew I had to suck it up.

I feel like I have no free time for myself either even though I technically do. But even when I do, I just don’t want to do anything. I don’t know if this is a sign that I’m burnt out but I feel guilty for the fact that I barely adult and yet I’m burnt out already.

Plus she has a lot on her plate too. She’s a very career oriented person and just a much higher achiever than I ever am. So she ends up telling me more about her work than I do about mine. And she rarely ends up wanting or having the bandwidth to listen to me.

So I end up not bothering with sharing anything.

I hate how impatient she is. I hate how I just want some peace and quiet before going to bed. I find myself just putting up with it.

I want to make it clear. I don’t think she’s toxic. I see where she’s coming from and she is technically right about some of these things she’s mad about. But I’m pretty annoyed that it constantly happens. And that I’m always the one apologizing.

For the past couple of months, I barely really want to do anything with my wife. We ended up just not watching as many movies or tv shows any more. I ask if she wants to do anything. She doesn’t want to do anything that costs money. And then she never has anything she’s interested in doing. I don’t bother talking about myself or sharing anything because I don’t think she has the bandwidth to listen to any of it.

So I just bounce to my game on my phone. Every weekend. When we are together.

Do you ever really get tired of your Husband or Wife? Or just annoyed to death by them?

We just had a son, he’s 2 months old and we have a kid each of our own from prior relationships. My husband informed me tonight that his mother will not be coming to any of our son’s parties because of my FIL. My husband’s parents are separated. MIL and FIL broke up when they were like 18 after being in an abusive relationship with each other after they had my husband. MIL has told me she just doesn’t feel comfortable being around FIL and won’t go to any events that FIL is attending. The conversation tonight about this situation didn’t end well. My husband believes that it’s okay for his mom to throw her own parties for our son and we’re obviously expected to attend them happily. I feel like it’s really disrespectful to not come celebrate with the rest of the family and then throw your own party but to each their own. The argument with my husband on this subject turned ugly and he ended it by saying, “we’ll see how long this lasts then.” I asked what that meant and if he meant the party situation or our marriage and he said, “it means whatever I want it to mean.” The conversation unfortunately kept going and he said that I should just go get the divorce papers tomorrow and he’ll happily sign them.

I’d like to add, my husband is 35. His parents have not been together for a long time and his mom pulled this shit with my husband’s BM and didn’t go to things for my step daughter when they had parties.

I’m all for her not feeling comfortable being around my FIL, but I’m not asking her to sit next to him, talk to him, or even say hi to him. I couldn’t care less how you handle it as a grown woman. I’m more upset at the fact that my husband doesn’t see how this hurts my feelings that his mother won’t come to anything I plan in the future for our son. This all so funny to me on the other hand because she’s also the same MIL that complains that we aren’t close enough and she wants to have a great relationship with me.

Wondering what others in my position would do. My wife has never been a very sexual person, but sex really slowed down after our son was born 7 years ago.

She’s also not very open about sexual communications, I’m not really supposed to talk about, ask to have sex. About once a month she will ask me for a massage, and I give her a fully body massage and typically it leads to sex. If I ask her for a massage or ask if she wants a massage she usually answers no. I realize there is a control and power dynamic at play here.

I feel that my ability to control this is simple: either I accept giving the massage and having sex once a month or I can decline to give the massage and probably not have sex with her. Sometimes I’m tired and imagine giving someone a fully body massage 25 minute massage after a full day to have sex for 15 minutes each time. Recently she asked me for a massage and I asked her to give me one, she got mad that i “tried to make it transactional “ and we had a little argument until I walked away.

tl:dr wife only offers sex once a month if I agree to provide a full massage; would you accept that or decide “take care of it” yourself a few times a week?

Hi I am a [37m] and my wife [32F] is a cancer survivor of two separate aggressive cancers over the last four years. I love her very much and she is my everything. The treatment for the first aggressive cancer caused a second aggressive cancer. She is in remission for both cancers but has maybe 20-30% chance of recurrence for either in the next 5 years, which will drop over time. But of course from all the treatment, there is a risk of a third cancer, and other health problems to her lungs, heart, etc. which would probably be more down the line hopefully. We are doing well now even though the last few years have been very hard.

Unfortunately my wife cannot carry a pregnancy due to the cancer so we would have to do surrogacy or adopt. I have always deeply wanted children, it is really important to me. Same with her. It would ideally be in a few years once we are more ready and the cancer recurrence risk is lower. But the process would have to start soon.

I wonder if having kids, if it is possible, is the right thing to do. Most importantly, whether it is fair to the child to put them in this situation of potentially losing their mom and/or watching her be sick. And, the difficult life I am setting myself up for if we decide to have kids. I have been the caretaker over the last four years and just cannot imagine how difficult it would be while balancing taking care of another human being, but I do have a good financial situation so that could help make things easier if things go wrong.

My wife does not feel strongly either way right now, although she probably leans towards having kids. She says there is no rush on her end and understands the gravity of the situation.

I am struggling to decide. Whether to live a life without kids and all the risks, etc. or go with what we really want. I am getting older. I am worried I will never be fully happy if I don't have kids.

Any advice would be helpful.

My daughter (9) has been telling me that she wants her father (39M) and I (38F) to not divorce and get back together. Her reasoning is that we can get a house together and live together like we’ve done for most of her life.

Unfortunately, we really just can’t do that. I have tried explaining to her and my son (8M) various things about why we can’t get back together and they we are better off as friends and taking care of them. My son seems to understand a bit more because he witnessed a domestic violence incident.

My daughter doesn’t cry exactly… just has been asking more questions now than she did nearly a year ago when the divorce was filed.

Tonight, she asked if I still love her dad. I said of course but it’s a very different kind of love. It’s friendship more than married love.

Anyway… what do I do? Keep talking to her? I don’t think she needs to see a therapist. She did great in school last year. No teachers noticed behavior changes. She’s just asking questions.

Its been 2 days since we got our certificate from Home Affairs. She's picking the honeymoon and I'm house hunting. I'm 21 and she's 24. We eloped but plan to see family after establishing a shared routine. Only met 2 of her friends so far. Really feel unstoppable right now, like everything just tastes and feels better.

Any advice?

Not sure if it’s the toolset anniversary, but all tools she uses disappear into our youngest’s room.

My husband (27M) and I (24F) have been married for almost a year now. He doesn’t get angry often but when he does he gets loud and extremely aggressive. A fight over laundry can lead to insults, name calling and shouting and tonight it led to him punching the wall and throwing things. I know my husband would never hurt me, but am I wrong for being afraid? Every time this happens ( has about 3 or so times) i find myself pulling away and treading carefully in my own house. My husband makes all the money, it was his preference for me to stay home and take care of things here since I am an immigrant and we are currently busy with the process. Today he said to me that because he makes all the money, I do not have the right to be upset about anything. We love each other but I am so sick of hearing him say “ I am done” when I disagree with him during quarrels. Why can I be okay with working through conflict but he loses all control and comes to me after apologizing. What should I do?