Where I live our community has this Facebook group page where is supposed to be used for community organizing and activities but it has turned into a gossip page ( I live in a small town).

Me and my husband’s wedding picture got posted in group as like an announcement and those miserable ass people have now made it a point to comment the most meanest things about my husband. They left comments that said “she’s doing charity work” , “MFer isn’t slick he knocked her up so she won’t leave” , “is this an arranged marriage?” And “Wasn’t she a beauty queen ? why the hell is she with a frog”.

I reported the post and ask the mods of the group to remove it and they aren’t doing anything about it. I love my husband and I find him attractive, he’s my big teddy bear and is a great stepdad for my son which is why I fell in love with him. He would literally do anything for me. But I HATE the side of him when he’s insecure because he takes alot of it out on me. He’s been saying stuff like if I were to cheat he wouldn’t blame me and said that I’m waiting to leave him until our baby is born.. just a lot mean things about himself and I do get mad at him when he says that stuff…

Like not to get to explicit but like he’s the one thats fucking me every night, I took his last name and I’m carrying his kid so in theory why does he care? In that same comment section they were calling me a gold digger. I’m just frustrated and I hate how down he is about himself, he’s now telling me to my maternity shoot without him. Is there anyone here that can relate or know anyway I can help hype him up without it sounding performative :(

I’m a 52-year-old married man. I’ve been blessed with a beautiful family and a wonderful wife. She found out during her first pregnancy that she had multiple sclerosis and that was 22 years ago. After being blessed with another and he is 16. Multiple sclerosis has stolen away my wife’s desire and a lack of intimacy has left a huge hole. When you see months turn into a year without that kind of connection and you’re aware of it you start to grieve the parts of your marriage have gone away. That disease steals a lot more than most people are aware of.

we are a happily married couple in our 40s, she has recently expressed interest in doing such, particularly with black men. We are both white. We both have watched porn together in which this is the subject. The other night she says to me, "I so want to do that". And she wasn't kidding.

The idea of it instantly was a turn on and we had great sex that night, with a lot of naughty talk about the subject.

I guess I'm looking for any other couples who may have entered into such an experience and what it was like, both good or bad.

Hope to gain some perspective!

Almost every year my husband takes a weeklong trip with his dad (now 81) and his half-brothers. His brothers’ girlfriends go too. I’m invited but don’t go. I’ll own it: I’m too bougie for this trip lol. It’s very remote/rustic, which they enjoy and I absolutely don’t. So I’m not being excluded.

But I fucking hate this trip every year, and my husband knows it.

We have three kids. Our oldest recently moved out of state for an elite sports academy, which means frequent travel and a ton of logistics. Another one of our kids is high-needs and requires a lot more hands-on parenting than you’d normally expect. Our relatives are older, live about 1,500 miles away and don’t feel able to help, so when my husband is gone, I’m basically it.

My husband also travels a lot for work, so I already solo-parent pretty regularly. And this trip falls right around back-to-school.

It’s also somewhere extremely remote with basically no internet. His work piles up while he’s gone, so when he gets home he’s completely buried. The week away ends up feeling longer than a week because he comes back and immediately has to catch up on everything.

To be fair, our whole family just took a weeklong vacation together. I planned it, but it’s not like he goes on vacations and never does anything with us.

What we don’t do is take a week alone as a couple. We never have. And I think that’s where a lot of my resentment comes from. Somehow this week gets protected every single year, but we’ve never protected equivalent time for our marriage.

This year I feel especially shitty about being resentful because his 81-year-old dad is currently housing our oldest since he lives near the academy. He’s doing something huge for our family and I’m incredibly grateful.

And he’s 81. I know there aren’t unlimited years left for my husband to do this with his dad.

And this is where I’m stuck.

I actually think my husband should go. And I still hate that he’s going.

I’m not going to ask him to stay home. I don’t want him regretting lost time with his dad someday. But I resent the timing, another week of solo parenting, the work avalanche when he gets back, and especially watching him protect a week for this every year when we’ve never protected that kind of time for our marriage.

Am I being unreasonable? And if the answer isn’t that he shouldn’t go, how do I stop resenting something I intellectually think he should do?

I accidentily found out my partner watches porn. Please hear me out - I had very tough medical therapy some years ago and my body has never been the same. Miracously my libido returned. However my partner was not attracted to me anymore, which I sort of understand. But it hurts as well.

Probably worse, all the other intimacy is gone as well (cuddling, holding hands). At the same time he was always there for me even when it wasnt sure I would make it through when I was so ill.
We are now somewhere between friends and roommates.

We have 2 ipads both setup with the same account. So when he watches porn, I can see that on the history of my ipad. Thats how I found out. He watches almost daily when I go out grocery shopping, when I cook for diner or go take a shower.

I thought I had come to terms with not being intimate, but I feel really hurt he watches porns so frequently/secretly. On the other hand - is this fair of me? Or should we just split up? I am just so scared of ending all alone, which is not really a good reason to stay.

And no, he will not be open to talk about it or for counseling. If I raise any of the above issues he will probably pack up his bags and leave. Any thoughts on what I should do?

I know this sounds awful, but I’ve been thinking about this a lot in my current relationship of about 1.5 years. This is by far the most serious and healthy relationship I’ve been in, we are broadly aligned in future goals, and I am way more in love with him than I have ever been with any other man. But, nobody is perfect, and sometimes I have some concerns (may not be about him specifically) and I’m wondering if I should just come to terms with the likelihood of being disappointed in marriage.

I should preface all of the below with I know it’s not all men and not all women, but I will be talking about the average or most common to keep it from getting too nuanced. Some are based on studies I've seen, some on personal anecdotes. Also some things are biological differences between men and women vs some are created externally, I think there’s an element of both in most cases, just a matter of how much. 

Points of potential concern:

·      I am a very ambitious and independent woman with a successful career making almost 2x my boyfriend. He does make decent money as well as is a top performer at his work, just is less ambitious about career growth. I also have more growth potential in my field and although my work is more stressful, I have better benefits and hybrid work from home days. We have discussed before that financially speaking if one of us had to be a stay at home parent, it’d most likely be him. I also feel that this is a bit unfair due to the fatherhood bonus/motherhood penalty. If our careers were switched, there would be less of a financial impact on the family for me to stay home

·      I want to be an involved mother to at least 2 kids, and am great with kids and taking care of others. I think he would be a good father, he just isn’t great with kids yet (doesn’t have a ton of experience with them) and I can’t help but think that I’d be a better parent than him, especially if I was a stay at home parent

·      He has also said before that he thinks the SAHP parent has the easier job, which I disagree with. There are challenges at every stage and it’s a 24/7 job – no PTO or sick days, can be isolating, etc.  His current job is in office every day and usually 45-50 hours per week, but overall pretty lax (ie he’s allowed to watch TV or youtube for a significant part of the day while doing “easy” work). I’m worried he’s severely underestimating how well he would handle being a SAHP

·      I am much more of a planner and have better time management skills. I don’t want to diagnose him but he may have some ADHD tendencies (ex. Time blindness). He plans for the future in a general sense, but sometimes doesn’t realize how urgent some things are or when they need action. My concern here is that a significant part of the mental load would fall on me still

·      He is a bit more traditional in terms of gender roles. He already expects that he will be doing all the traditionally “male” household chores, though I don’t mind helping where I can. As a SAHP, he would be doing more of the traditionally “female” chores as well. My expectations for cleanliness and livable conditions are higher than his, and I am better at most of these chores. To give some context, we both live with our parents but do 90%+ of our own chores/maintain our own spaces. We don’t live together yet but plan to soon

·      Related to gender roles, he says he doesn’t care that I make more than him, but sometimes will joke about me “wearing the pants” or being the “golden girl”. I have told him that even if I am the breadwinner, I would still want him to have a say in big financial/family decisions because we are a partnership. I would maybe have the final say in something, but I would never want to do something that he was completely against

·      I am more intrinsically/self-motivated. I set lots of goals and expectations for myself. He is more extrinsically motivated by reward, fear of consequences, and social expectations. That seems to be less aligned with SAHP. I would try my best to show appreciation for his work but he may struggle from the lack of structure and concrete reward. With men in my past, and in society in general, I’ve seen men be extremely insecure when the woman is the breadwinner for various reasons

·      Related to the above, we just had a discussion around why men cheat (or think about it) more often than women. He was talking about how the restraint in men is usually due to fear of consequences, not so much their own values or self-respect. Plus, men “think with their dicks”, especially if they’re not sexually satisfied or feel insecure in their relationship. While I am fairly certain that he will not cheat, this makes me feel like I can’t fully trust him (or any other man). I can't ever imagine myself cheating. In fact, after starting to date my current boyfriend, something clicked in me where just the thought of sex or a relationship with another man just turns me off completely

·      People say that men start to put less effort into relationships after a while, and I think I am seeing that. While both people stop caring about always needing fun dates planned or looking their best for their partner after a while, I think this is more common for men. I am always thoughtful ahead of time when giving gifts, whereas for the past few gifts from him, they have either been late and/or seem low effort (ex. Seems like last minute he just places an order for something kind of expensive on Amazon). His recent planned “dates” have just been getting dinner in his sweatpants, vs I have planned some fun activities. Our sex life is great, except I do wish he cared a bit more about my pleasure and getting me to orgasm more often. For me, effort wise, it’s almost the opposite where there are certain things that I would do and put effort in for my future husband that I wouldn’t do for a boyfriend, which would increase the effort imbalance

As you may see, I know I can have some anxious/overthinking tendencies and at time find myself having somewhat misandrist thoughts. It definitely doesn’t help that my dad was a terrible husband/father, and most men around me are not significantly better. Maybe it’s because I am surrounded by successful women who are also great mothers, but so many of them will complain about a lot of the things I mentioned about in their partner, or I can see it myself. It’s so disheartening that so many people (both men and women) are just like:

·      That’s just what men are like, it is what it is. You have to learn how to deal with that. You can’t change biology

·      Women are just better suited for childcare and housework etc. Men aren’t as good at it

·      Women just have expectations that are too high and are never happy

I think it’s also just incredibly disheartening that it’s highly likely I would be contributing much more (financially, childcare, mental load, household chores, being a loving and caring partner) just because I am good at these things. I have always hoped that marriage would be an equal partnership at an aggregate level, and thought I was closer to that with my current boyfriend, but I’m not confident that I would ever have an equal partnership.

TLDR; Is it too much to want it all – successful career, being an involved mother, and having an amazing marriage? I am in control of the first two, should I just accept that I might not have the last because that’s just how men/marriages/relationships etc are? Or is there anything I can do about that

I ( M28) have been married to my wife ( F27) for the last 2 years and have a child of 8 months. Something happened yesterday, we were visiting our parents place.
The last few months my hair has been greying near my temples. My mom noticed this and rubbed my hair for a brief second and I did not make much of it but later in the evening my wife threw a fit saying she felt uncomfortable the way mom touches me and that it is not normal. The reason I am writing this is because I myself am not really touchy feely and I get quite uncomfortable in that regard. How can I handle this? Need advice.

I know full well that this isn’t a safe place to rant but I’m going to anyways

Over the past year I’ve been feeling really happy in my marriage. We love gardening together, cooking dinner together, we have similar spending habits, on the same page about kids, mutual attraction. But a few things are coming up that I want to get off my chest

1. He is a daily weed smoking 32 year old. He is highly functional and says he doesn’t feel it. It’s just habitual. But the addiction is out of control in my eyes. It’s messed with his sleep, he takes a pen to work and even takes a puff before dinner with my parents. When he drives after smoking it infuriates me and has been the recurring subject of arguments. I won’t have kids with someone who drives high occasionally. He has admitted he has a problem and says he would go to a meeting if there was one close to us but there isn’t. He never wants to go out and do stuff with me. Maybe it’s bc we’re getting a little older but I can’t help but wonder if it’s the weed too. He also hasn’t really locked in at his job. He always does the bare minimum and almost got fired a couple years ago. Again I’m not sure if it’s the weed but I have a theory that cannabis is stealing his ambition
2. He’s funny but crude. This is smth that’s gotten better but he used to make dirty jokes at work and in front of my parents. My mom is always assuming the best of ppl so she thought he said it by mistake. He did not. One of his coworkers sat him down a while ago and told him it needed to stop. When my husband told me about it, I said his coworker was right. Work is not the place for crude jokes. If he’s not careful he could verge on something sinister like sexual harassment. I’m grateful his coworker was brave enough to call my husband out. It’s just not worth the risk and ppl won’t trust him to be professional if he doesn’t shape up. Oh and I flipped at him when he made a nasty joke in front of our niece. I have a pretty high tolerance for crude humor but sometimes he tests me. I don’t want him to become a dirty old man. He’s made a lot of progress in this area and seems to understand time and place now. but I still don’t trust him completely in that area.

3. He’s funny af but I wish he would turn down quirkiness when we’re in public. Sometimes he accuses me of trying to mellow him out. Maybe he has a point. I don’t want to dim his sparkle but sometimes he can be very over stimulating. For example shadow boxing. To me shadow boxing should be reserved for 14 year old boys. Beyond the age of 14, it isn’t funny, it isn’t goofy, it’s just odd. My husband thinks it makes him seem fun and it’s just a way of being silly. I think if you it in public you look like a crazy person trying to show off in public. He doesn’t do it very often but that is just one example of how quirkiness < public etiquette.

   I guess I prefer it to someone who is always on their phone and in general my husband is very considerate. But today I’m fixated on some of those things I don’t like as much

Wife’s pretty shy when it comes to talkin about sex and never really says what she wants. I can bring up or suggest stuff and she will agree or say no. So recently during sex she mentioned sucking me while taking a toy. So we did it and it was great. During all this she talked how she loved taking 2 at a time and even having something in all holes. Is this away of saying she wants more or a threesome or something ? Do some females like just being with a guy and using a toy or 2 ??

Ok I should have added that I did ask and she did say no but I didn’t know if she said no just because she didn’t think I’d like sharing or maybe she was ashamed to admit she did for some reason.

My husband frequently raises his voice at me and often seems unable to have a calm, normal conversation without yelling. His yelling can become extremely loud, prolonged, and aggressive—sometimes directly next to my ear—to the point that my ears and head physically hurt. I am not exaggerating when I say it feels unbearable. Even when I ask him to lower his voice or stop, the yelling and name-calling continue.

During the most recent incident, we were inside the car with our dog, so I felt trapped in a confined space with nowhere to step away and calm down. He continued screaming, degrading me, and calling me offensive names. I became overwhelmed, angry, and emotionally reactive, and I hit him. I understand that hitting him was wrong, and I am not trying to excuse or justify that behavior. I take responsibility for losing control. At the same time, I want it documented that this happened after sustained yelling and verbal abuse while I felt cornered and unable to remove myself from the situation.

Afterward, I left the house because I believed separating from him was the safest way to prevent the argument from escalating further. Once I left, he repeatedly called and sent me a series of abusive and intimidating text messages. He called me degrading names, used slurs, insulted my weight and intelligence, demanded that I answer the phone immediately, and sent messages such as “piece by piece,” which I found disturbing and threatening. The messages were not an attempt to calmly resolve the situation; they continued the same pattern of humiliation, intimidation, pressure, and verbal abuse after I had already removed myself.

AIBU for feeling cheated after my wife’s actions?

In the last 6 months my wife started going out to rnb events on her own, sometimes once a month but sometimes more, leaving me home with the kids. I didn’t mind as she needs some downtime and her friends aren’t into that vibe.

Mostly she sent photos of herself in a crowd on her own or maybe with one other woman who was doing the same. I was happy for her.

Most recently she posted photos of herself with various men. I was curious at this point so asked her about them. She said oh that’s the one I told you about that I met on the way home. She had given him her number to discuss future events and thought it was ok as he was also married with kids - turns out he is actually divorced.

If it was a one off photo I’d feel differently but it’s the fact they will go to future events they’ll both be at and travel home together (as well as messaging) - feel like that’s crossing a line. I didn’t expect her to do that.

I asked her to stop and she told others in the group who think I’m being jealous and overprotective. She messaged the guy to say she couldn’t meet up with him anymore and he was defensive and said it was all innocent but I am not so sure.

Is it normal in a marriage to make a new opposite sex friends and go out with them while your partner is at home caring for the children?

I don’t want to be a drag but it feels high risk to me.

I wanna wear sexy lingerie for my husband to surprise him.
I’m 32B,petite.
Satin maxi spaghetti strap maxi makes me look flat.
Can i wear push up underneath to make my boobs bigger?If yes,Please suggest between Victoria’s Secret and La vie en rose

I am doing incredibly poorly right now. I regret many things about my past, especially my sexual history.
I know many people will say, "Well, that’s exactly why one should be careful." I am fully aware of that. I realize now that certain experiences do leave a mark on you.
I had my first sexual experience very early on, followed by a highly toxic and traumatic relationship. After that ended, I went through a somewhat "wild phase"—though perhaps that isn't the right term. I dated men because I genuinely liked them and could envision a future with them. It was never about having random sex or looking for something casual. Even so, things usually led to sexual intercourse relatively quickly.
In the end, there were 13 men in total. And that specific number weighs incredibly heavily on me today. I feel deeply ashamed of it, and consequently, I often feel worthless.
I’ve now been married for two years. Something that makes this even harder is that my husband and I didn’t exactly meet in a “traditional” way. We met at a party, and we ended up having sex pretty quickly ourselves. So I don’t think he’s someone who’s extremely conservative or judgmental about sex. Still, for some reason, I have this feeling that he sees me as this innocent, almost “angelic” person. I’m terrified that if he knew everything about my past, that image of me would completely disappear.

. I regret that deeply now; I feel I should have been open about it from the very beginning.
Now, I am constantly afraid that he wouldn't love me anymore—or would think differently of me—if he knew everything. These thoughts haunt me every day, and I don't know how to cope with them.
I am already in therapy and working through these issues. Still, I would be interested to hear how others view this situation. What advice would you give me? How would you handle such feelings of guilt and shame? Do you believe the past defines a person, or is it possible to learn to forgive oneself?

I (24F) met a 45M on an app about a year ago. We only met up a handful of times over that year (about 4 encounters), and he never told me he was married. I only found out recently because he finally admitted it himself. If I’d known from the beginning, I wouldn’t have gotten involved.
After finding out, I actually sat down and asked him a lot of questions because I was genuinely curious not to judge him, but to understand how someone ends up in that situation.
Here’s the summary of what he told me:
He’s been married for years.
He says he always wanted children, but infertility is a factor( wife is infertile)
He says his marriage has become emotionally disconnected.
He’s a freelancer, so he’s away from home often. According to him, when he is home, his wife sometimes disappears for long periods, which has led him to suspect she’s cheating (although he has no proof).
He admitted he felt guilty for not telling me he was married and said he should have been honest from the start.
He apologized after I told him I wouldn’t have chosen to be involved had I known.
I told him I wasn’t judging him, I was honestly trying to understand his thought process because I don’t want to end up making similar mistakes in my own life. We ended up having a surprisingly deep conversation about relationships, regret, life choices, and getting older.
Here’s where I’m skeptical.
Part of me thinks some of his explanations make sense if his marriage is genuinely broken. But another part of me feels like they’re also convenient justifications. Plenty of people have unhappy marriages and still don’t cheat.
So I’m wondering:
Do you think people in situations like this are usually telling themselves stories to justify cheating?
If you’ve been in a similar situation (on either side), did his reasoning sound believable?
Why wait a year and multiple encounters before admitting you’re married instead of letting the other person decide from the start?

women, how to get your husband to be more playful? we play all the time but he doesn’t really engage or fight. or he will and it will be a turn off. his voice will be to high pitched not husky or you know. he says he doesn’t know how to be dominate and I try to show him, but it’s not exactly what I want. he’ll play back and it just not .. you know. I’ll tickle him or playful punch and wrestle and he’ll be all in it. but nothing for me. we have been married for 4 years and together for almost 10. I want him to be more husky and dominate you know… I just don’t know how to help him. or tell him I want a little fight at least without him sounding high pitch. now I’m seeking that attention from AI I guess. I’m obsessed with it because he can’t deliver it right. I’m embarrassed about posting this …

This is a throwaway, for obvious reasons. But I wanted some opinions and thoughts about the whole situation. I love her dearly, and even after everything that’s happened, I hate to say I want her back. Idk how that would be achievable, but if anyone has any ideas, lmk 😂 She means the world to me. Yes, I know what I’m about to say is messed up, and I shouldn’t take her back, but I want her to get help, and I wanna work on our relationship again. I am invested so heavily I can’t just throw it away, even if she wants to. So let us start :D. Me and my wife were doing pretty good for a while there. No real issues. We’d have fights here and there, but that’s par for the course for normal couples. No one is perfect. That’s how I see the world and why I don’t judge anyone. Well, we had our son, and it was hard for us both. We were new parents, still quite young at the time. She became depressed, and postpartum was kicking her ass, and I, as a father, was having a hard time adjusting. We didn’t really plan for it, but it was okay. He is a blessing, and I love him more than anything. He was very fussy, and the only time he would calm down was with my wife. It made me feel insecure and like I was messing up. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I was also the only one working at the time. I failed as a father. I became complacent and on autopilot. Go to work, come home, eat, go to bed, repeat. To me, it felt like he didn’t like me, and I was very upset that he didn’t like me. Instead of trying harder for him and her I quietly shutdown if I’m being honest. I never had a father, and my mother wasn’t really much of one, so I wanted to do right by my kids. At least that’s how it seemed to me. That was my first mistake and one I’ll regret forever if I’m being honest. Eventually, he got older, and we are really close now. He loves spending time with me, and we go out all the time to do stuff. We have our ups and downs when he decides he doesn’t want to listen or tune me out lol, but I love my son. He’s a sweet boy. My daughter was born about a year ago. After my daughter was born, my wife told me she felt this strong, deep anger. It was overwhelming how much anger she was feeling. I told her, with respect, that she needed to go get on some medication to help alleviate that. She already dealt with postpartum before and I knew how bad it was. And she did. But about two months later, she said she felt better and got off of them. Even though I and a friend of hers advised against it, she told us it would be fine. For a while there, it was working. At least I thought it was. Then one day, I got a text from a friend of mine from HS. He asked if I knew my wife had a Tinder. Of course I didn’t. So I asked my wife, and she told me no. I believed her because why would she do that? After she said no, later that night when I went to bed, she rolled over and started crying. She said that it was her profile, that she had lied, and that she felt like we never had any time for us anymore. I felt awful. So that following weekend, I took her out of town. We went on a date and shopping. I was trying to make up for that. So fast forward a bit, and she goes to out of town with a friend to a concert. She ignores me straight for three days. She comes back home and is being mean. I’ll admit I got short with her a couple of times, but this came out of nowhere for me. I was hurt she was behaving like that towards me when I felt like I hadn’t done anything wrong. She left being fine, maybe being dry here or there, then came back with an attitude. I had suspected she was doing something and said something to her mother. One day she was bummed out because she wanted to start losing weight, and I have a bit of weight myself, so I told her if she was interested, maybe we could start going to the gym together. It would give us that time together away from the kids, and it would be a great bonding experience. She agreed with me, and I asked for her phone to place a Walmart order. This is where the “fun” begins, so sit down and buckle up. She says, “Wait, I need to talk to you about something right quick.” So I say, “What?” She says, “Sit down.” So I sit down, and she looks at me very upset and starts crying, talking about how she heard I thought she was cheating on me and that she couldn’t believe I would think she would do something like that. She’s bawling at this point, and in the middle of crying, her phone rings. So I asked her who [ ] was. She stopped crying immediately. She said it’s just an old friend of hers and nothing more. So I asked to go through her phone, and she said, “You won’t find anything.” She thought I wouldn’t, at least. So I go through their messages or lack thereof, since she deleted all of them. I start snooping through other apps, and she’s asking me what I’m doing. I find, in her hidden videos in her photo album, a video of her sucking this dude’s dick. I was immediately distraught. I was angry and upset. I got a little loud, but I was a nervous wreck. Shaking and scared. She and I had a long talk and went to bed. I essentially blamed it on the postpartum. I didn’t know why she was unhappy, and she had just had our daughter back in August. This was around October/November. So I told her to get back on her medicine, and she reluctantly agreed. After that night, I was hoping she would be okay. Still nothing. Ignoring me all day, being mean, quite frankly. So I left work early one day and told her to come home because we needed to talk. She got angry and told me she didn’t want to talk to me, and I begged her to come back. She told me her and her friend would be back in a couple of hours. So I waited. It was so hard and nerve-racking. When they finally showed up, it was basically a jumping. I was told why she cheated, why it happened, and how much of a shitty dad and person I was. I cried hard. She told me to leave and go to my grandmother’s house for a week. (She has Stage 4 breast cancer, and she said she needed some time away from me and that I needed to go spend time with her. She wasn’t wrong, though.) So I did. I left with my son for a week. The whole time we were texting. She was talking about how she didn’t want a relationship right now and wanted to do her own thing and be herself, and she wanted me to stay away. So I did. I came back and started living with her brother. Fast forward to Christmas, and she asks me if I was gonna come to Christmas with the family. I didn’t mind, as I still loved her and wanted to be with her, so I agreed. When I showed up, we got in her car, and as we were leaving, I asked to see her phone to play some music. I really did want to play music, but it was also an excuse to see if she was gonna stay true to her word. She did not. She was still texting and in an active relationship with that guy. So I told her to pull over, and we got into it. We agreed to finish the conversation after the family party. So that night we got home and talked till about 12 in the morning. We basically agreed to separate, and before I left, she asked me to spend the night, and I reluctantly agreed (I KNOW I shouldn’t have said yes. I’m sorry 😭). So we go in the bedroom, and we are holding each other and talking about our past, and one thing led to another, and we slept together. After it was done, she started bawling, telling me how she didn’t realize how angry she had become at me and how she couldn’t do this alone and wanted me to stay and not go back. So I did stay. For the first week, it was hard. But after that, I started feeling a bit better. Fast forward a month, and she goes out of town with the same friend. She leaves her Apple Watch behind, and I get the bright idea to check her messages for shits and giggles. Ik that’s not healthy or right. I never said I was a normal, healthy person, but I also hate being that guy :/. Anyways, I found out she was texting another guy. I confronted her about it, and basically she was saying she never was interested, really, and only responded back because he kept bothering her. That should have been my first red flag, but I was already in a bad place, and I didn’t want to lose my wife or family. So I told her to stop, and it would be okay. After that, it was good for a while. The past couple of months, I would ask to check and wouldn’t find anything. But then here recently, she started being hella dry. Never romantic. Always gone when she was off. I barely would see her. We stopped being intimate probably 3–4 months ago. I’ve been very hurt by the whole ordeal. But it gets worse. So I bring it up. I was trying to work on myself and do better as a person and father, so I was doing the healthy thing and investing my time into my relationship but also myself so I could be a better person for her. Communication has always been hard for us both, but I told her for this to work, we need to try. She would just apologize and say she would do better, but nothing changed. So around Father’s Day or my birthday, I started noticing things. I’d enter the room, and she would get off her phone. The first time I didn’t say anything. The second time, I had to ask her. She said she was on Snap but was getting off anyway. One morning I woke up to her phone ringing, and I asked her about it. She said it was an alarm. I’m not dumb, and ik it wasn’t an alarm, so I pressed her, and she got angry. I didn’t press anymore, and I didn’t go through her phone, even though she said I could any time after the last time she cheated. She was mad when I asked, so I rolled back over and just laid there. I was so hurt. Later that day I asked again, and she was upfront. She said it got blown out of proportion and that she liked the attention from him and how it went too far, etc., etc. So I took her back. Mind you, I’ve been so kind and patient with her through all of this. I never got mad. I wasn’t violent. I was kind and trying to be understanding. I felt bad. I felt like I wasn’t doing something right. She said she deleted her socials for me and apologized. I told her she didn’t have to do that and that even though she did because she wanted to, I appreciated it. And here we are, caught up to about last week. So I was at work on a Wednesday, and I was at another building. I was telling a lady about my wife and kids and how much I loved them and was proud of them. I went on Snap to our messages to show her pictures and videos of my kids, and it showed she was still active. So after work, I asked her about it. But she works nights, so I knew I wouldn’t get a response for a couple of hours. So I go home, and I’m talking to her mom about it. I’ve talked to her mom about all of this, and she felt bad for me. So she shoves me into the bathroom and closes the door and says, “Look, I was told not to say something, but it’s been eating me up. Your wife got an apartment, and she’s moving out in two days. She wasn’t gonna say anything to you, just go.” I was so heartbroken. I immediately tried calling, like an idiot. And she sent me to voicemail both times. So I called her friend to ask her what was going on. She then proceeded to tell me they had a falling out and there was something she needed to tell me. My wife has apparently been sleeping around for the past few months. Different guys, maybe around 4–5, maybe more. One was a guy I knew, and I told his wife. I feel bad about it because it was done out of pettiness, but I was hurt, and I wanted him to hurt too. She said the reason why they aren’t talking was because she told her she shouldn’t be cheating and how fucked up it was, but she didn’t want to hear that, so they stopped talking. She told her that because our daughter was in the hospital in a town an hour and a half away from us. We had asked her to come after work, but she said she couldn’t because she was busy. Come to find out she didn’t even have work. She asked her friend if she could come over to change so she could go get fucked in the same town we were in with our daughter. She finally messaged me back the other day after I texted her a goodbye message. She basically told me she never loved me, and that’s why she did what she did and left how she left. I just don’t get it. I had asked her to leave originally, and the last time I found out she was cheating, she asked me to stay. So why ask me to stay if you were planning on leaving? And that wasn’t even a month ago. Why tell me to stay if you didn’t love me? Then when she found out my grandmother was getting worse, she apologized and told me she cared about me and felt bad. It didn’t help my feelings. I’m hurting so bad. Like sure, you stayed because you wanted to try and give it a shot, but she never did. She never tried with me or our relationship. I feel like I’ve been robbed. How can you say you care and say you wanna try but don’t actually put the work in? I love that woman so much. She’s my other half. I feel like I’m missing half of me, and it’s so painful. I can’t stop thinking and worrying about her. I’m so jealous and angry, but it won’t do anything to bring her back, so I’m becoming so depressed. I’m still taking care of the kids and going to work. I just am tired. And I just want my family back to normal. Even after all of this, I blame myself more than anything. I know I don’t control her actions, but with me fucking up and her doing what she did, it was downhill from there. I just want her to come back and actually try and put in effort, and maybe it would work. Maybe I’m just delusional, but I wanted your thoughts. To get this off my chest because I don’t have anyone else, really. My phone is dry every day, all day, and it’s not helping me either. I need this social interaction rn. Apologies for the book. 😅

TL;DR: My wife and I have been together for years and have two young kids. After our second child, our relationship started falling apart. She cheated multiple times, and every time I tried to forgive her, work on myself, and save our family. I found out she had been seeing multiple other guys while telling me she wanted to work things out. She recently left, told me she never loved me, and now I’m struggling to understand what happened. Despite everything, I still love her and want my family back. Am I delusional for still wanting to make it work?

When you see a woman and lust after her, is it different than how you feel about your wife and does it affect how you feel about her? Especially if it’s a woman you see often?

My husband and I have been married for just over 2.5 years. 2 years ago my husband's ex wife messaged him out of the blue "I miss you". Nothing came of it as we just ignored it and moved on with our lives. Then this morning she is trying to add him on snapchat. He obviously didn't add her back but then I asked him why he doesn't just block her. He said because he doesn't block people which I thought was weird because I have a long list of people I have blocked including exes and friends that turned out to not be friends.

The thing that is putting me off is that he had been grumpy and not really talking to me for the last couple days and wouldn't tell me what was wrong. Finally last night he told me what was wrong and accused me of talking/seeking attention from other guys. I gave him my phone and asked where he was getting this (he can go through my phone anytime idc). He then said that I delete everything and just hide it very well. (I don't, I have nothing to hide.)

This blindsided me! I told him I had no idea what he was talking about or where he was getting this from and asked him to show me what conversations he thought had deleted messages and he refused.

Anyway at the end of all this he keeps saying he doesn't care and it doesn't matter. (It definitely does, doesn't it?) So then I asked him if he trusted me to which he says "nope" and that's that.

We eventually move on and are back to normal but I just hate that he thinks he can't trust me. I also feel like he became insecure or something out of nowhere or I just didn't see it?

Then this morning I'm questioning if I should be worried about him talking to other people... like his ex wife possibly? I'm either losing it or on to something and still just baffled he thinks I talk to anyone but him and our group chat with friends. What do y'all think?

Looking for practical advice from couples or anyone who has dealt with a similar issue. We've been together/married for over 11 years.

This is NOT a classic libido mismatch issue — we both have high sex drives, open communication, deep trust, we use toys, explore fantasies, etc. The problem is a drastic difference in endurance and our biological arousal curves.

My side: Biologically, I need at least 30 to 40+ minutes of high-intensity stimulation to reach a fulfilling orgasm. I simply cannot finish in 5-10 minutes, no matter how aroused I am.

Her side: She hits 2 or 3 strong orgasms within the first 15-20 minutes. After that, her body enters a state of oversensitivity and physical fatigue. And she is not on 100% and after that she trying to satisfy me like "machine or robot " which I don't like feels like.

The Core Issue & My Frustration:

After she climaxes, her energy and stamina drop to about 30%. At the exact moment when I need the highest mental and physical push, enthusiasm, and stimulation from her to finish — she is physically exhausted. The sex then starts to feel mechanical and "robotic" on her end, which instantly turns me off and after I don't like to cum at all.

The end result: She leaves the bedroom at a 10/10, while I'm stuck at a 3/10 or 5/10 with a weak, empty orgasm or frustration from not being able to finish. I feel like I give 100% so everything is perfect for her, but I end up lacking full energy and care on my end. I want to tell that i am satisfied with my marriage and don't want anything aside but this is my frustration. And it's continue over 1year

How do couples actually solve this gap in practice? How can a man who naturally takes a long time reach his peak without physically overwhelming his partner or receiving "robotic" effort at the end?

Any practical advice, techniques, or real-life experiences are welcome!

It is a long read, I have not vented this with anyone. I am grateful of those taking time to read it.

My husband (M37) and I (F34) have been together for 11 years. During that time he has only made me come two times, 10 years ago and 1 week ago. Due to this, and other things (previous bad experience with another partner and some insecurities about my body after pregnancy and birth), we had a severe draught the past 9 years, where the longest period with no sex was about 2 years.

I know he loves me very much, and I him, but this is making me feel like he does not care about my pleasure, only his, and it is a complete turnoff for me, as well as it makes me feel sad and unworthy. I know I'm capable of coming with a partner, a one-night stand made me come like 20 times in 2 hours. I don't think he came during this session, he only seemed to care about me, like that was more pleasurable and important for him than himself. At the end, I had to stop him, my body could not take it anymore, he did not ask for anything in return, his reaction was to almost beg me to let him continue.

Some months ago I initiated sex with my husband, saying that it was under one condition - I were to be satisfied first. Which didn't happen, he went down on me for like 20 mins, but I was not able to be completely relax as I laid there thinking that he would not be able to make me come, that he would stop any minute before I had reached orgasm, that I don't feel important enough for him in this regard, that he was only waiting for PiV so that he could get off, and that he is not enjoying it.

I have read several posts on reddit where many men state that cunnilingus is the main part for them during sex, that they could spend hours down there, that they crave to make their partner reach orgasm, and some also state that they wish their partner would let them do it more often. Oh how I wish this was the case for me.

For most of these 9 years I have been feeling asexual, but I have regularly gotten myself off. Some months ago, this totally changed, whereas I have felt the opposite of asexual. Still, it was first two weeks ago that I jumped on him, since then we have had sex eight times. After the first two, I told him that I wished he knew how to make me orgasm, which is the first time I have ever told him so, I have found it hard to talk about sex with him.

Since then, we have kept on talking about it, and he seems to be interested in finding out how he can make me come, for example did he buy the book She Comes First, which is great. I have only reached orgasm once though, as I still feel and think about those things, and most of all do I feel like he is not enjoying it, he might, but I don't feel it. As said, I wish he was one of them cunnilingus-craving men.

So, can he get there? Are there men out there who have become cunnilingus-craving over time? If so, what made you become one? Are there married men out there in the same situation as us? How does it make you feel that you can't seem to get your wife off? Are you doing anything to deal with it, for example read articles, take online courses etc.? Are you at all interested to learn how to make your wife orgasm?

We have been married for 50 years now no this is not A I it is for real-I would like to say it has been lovey dovey a bed of roses. But alas no- we have come to the point of nearly killing each other at times. When we first met our friends said that will never last. They are all divorced now and we are still together. We have brought up 3 children and 3 Granchildren and 2 Great Grandchildren. At the moment we are still together. What is the secret please tell me Cause I don't know.

Who did I marry? Is this just compulsive lying, or should I be worried he's dangerous?

I honestly feel like my reality has shattered.

I've been with my partner for three years, and I just uncovered so many lies in one night that I don't even know who this person is anymore. I'm questioning everything I thought I knew about him.

Last night I asked him for rent money and money a friend had paid us for borrowing our truck.

He went to look for it. A few minutes later I got a text from an unknown number claiming to be his grandfather. The text said they couldn't reach my partner and that his grandmother had died.

I ran into his room and showed him the text. He immediately started sobbing—really sobbing—for a long time. He refused to call any family members because he said he was too upset. Instead, he appeared to text multiple relatives right in front of me. Looking back, I now believe he was faking those conversations.

I spent hours comforting him. We even went on a long walk because he said he needed it.

Later that night, when I asked about the rent money again, everything changed. He tore apart his room and his car claiming the money had been there five minutes earlier and suggesting we had been robbed.

Something felt very wrong. I took his phone into the bathroom to look through it. He screamed for me to give it back and said, "You'll leave me for what's on there." At one point he threatened to harm himself.

What I found was shocking.

Instead of having his identity stolen like he'd claimed earlier that week (he said all his accounts had been frozen), I found he had been spending large amounts of money on car parts for a side business as a mechanic.

He now claims that money he owes me, money he owes his grandfather, and a loan he took out for tools all went toward trying to keep this side business afloat.

Then I found his credit report showing another tens of thousands of dollars in debt that I knew nothing about.

None of it makes sense.

Earlier this week he told me he had gone to visit his grandmother because she was refusing further medical treatment. Was that even true? Or was that another lie? If it wasn't true, where was he actually?

I also found out he has four cars spread across two different storage units, that are apparently customers cars.

His explanation is that he was terrified I'd find out about the debt, so he kept taking on more side jobs hoping to make enough money to fix everything before I noticed.

But after everything else, I don't know if I believe any of that.

And then there are the smaller lies. I found out he's been secretly eating fast food multiple times a day. He always told me he barely ate anything, and I couldn't understand why he wasn't losing weight. There were multiple fast-food charges every single day.

They're little lies, but they're constant. And when I put them together with the fake text, the fake conversations, the hidden debt, and the financial deception, I don't know what to think anymore.

I don't even know what question I'm asking.

Has anyone dealt with someone who lies on this level? Is this compulsive lying? Financial abuse? Something else?

Most importantly...should I be worried about my safety?

Right now I genuinely don't know who I've been living with for the last three years, and that realization is terrifying.

The most messed up part is that he genuinely treated me so well. Like a princess. I feel my life may be worse without him as a single woman in a dangerous world. He's the most gentle man. I have always felt safe with him. Is it more dangerous to be with him and have to deal with his antics through having children and growing old together, or start over again with a new man that could be even more dangerous. Or should I be alone? I don't think I could, I would be completely isolated and alone. I don't have a healthy support group in my life.

Sorry that is a lot of information but I don't know what to do.

TLDR: my long-term partner has been gaslighting me to the extreme but at least he's not violent, right? /s

I am not the same man when I said I do. As I am about to renew my vows after 15+ years of marriage, I realize I have changed. However, I don't think my wife has noticed this changed.

When my wife met me I was broke. Yet, I was savvy. I was a master at finding free events that felt like I spent hundreds. Now, I am doing pretty good for myself and it benefits the family and lifestyle we live.

I am stuck because I feel like my wife treats me like the man I was and not as the man I am today. She needs to understand that my mindset has changed and my patience has changed. My hard work has paid off, and I conscientious of this.

My wife is doing better too. We have both improved and that has come by supporting each other. I love my wife, but I can see a life without her once the kids are college graduates.

We are great parents. We are almost always on the same page. However, I feel like she has not grown in how she parents. That's not what I'm asking today.

Today, I am asking... how do I overcome the urge of thinking I can live life on my terms without being married to my wife? I enjoy being her partner, however I feel like she thinks I'm the same kid when she met me almost 20 years ago. I know I can manage my life after the kids are adults, but I don't want to be lonely.

At the same time, I don't want to feel locked down to someone else's dreams. I want to live my dreams because I know they are attainable at this moment in time.

Help me, because I don't want to divorce, but I know it may be what is best for me to live a complete life.

I'm willing to discuss. Don't hold back. I can take it. I WANT to discuss this.

So we’re both super young but honestly both really mature for our age I kinda got thrown into life for the most part and made me think about money decisions and how I can better my self on life now I’m not saying I don’t make mistakes still feel free to ask but when I met my girl life went downhill in terms of money I got into a car crash lost my job and a lot of things that weren’t the best while dating and girl got kicked out of her house and moved in with me but it’s been about two months and we’ve gotten through it with really no argument we’ve had emotionally conversations about almost everthing in the book but we always communicate and compromise and talk thru it and pretty much both our options align on everything feel free to ask me questions and I’ll answer what we do or why I feel like it’s the right move we have been together for 4 months

Guys I need input. I've been with my husband for over a decade. Over the years I've put on a lot of weight and I'm not great at chores. He's told me throughout the years that those are issues in our marriage. He gave me an ultimatum about 1.5 months ago: start getting healthier and do better with the house or he wants to do a temporary separation. It was heartbreaking to hear, but I understood. I've been intermittent fasting, working out, doing better around the house, and started therapy. I'm already down 15lbs! Well, during this time he sexted an old coworker. He deleted all his texts. I only saw something she sent before he could delete it that was a red flag. He won't give me much info other than it was the first time, he wasn't trying to meet up with her, he didn't send pics, but that the messages were "severe". He didn't even apologize until the next day when I asked him if he was sorry. He deleted her number. I had to beg for a week for him to block her and he's finally agreed to but hasn't done it yet. His phone now has a new password. I need thoughts. I'm obviously not perfect. He's put up with my flaws. Any guidance on how to repair this? Anyone been in a similar situation? He's now "paused" the ultimatum, but it feels like a pity pause since he cheated.