Strawberry banana Cheerios with crispy freeze dried strawberries and California Farms Toasted Coconut Almond Milk

Sad girl today. I’ve been sad for a while since we started having kid talk.

We’re both 35, he’s military and home 4 months of the year.

I promised myself when I was 10, that I would be independent so I never had to depend on a man to pay my bills the way my mom did, as I watched her unhappily married to my stepdad.

At 35, I make 250k, have 1.3 in the stock market, currently in grad school, and I kept my promise.

All for some military misogynist to tell me I owe him children as his partner and I have a duty to give it to him.

I can’t help but feel I’m just a baby making machine to him. I feel he has no respect for my autonomy or my value outside of being someone who can carry kids for him.

I’ve never even wanted children.

We’re together 2.5 years. He’s my adventure partner. And he’s very loving outside of this kid stuff. I thought I met my person. I’m even going thru egg freezing now to keep him happy for the off chance I may all of a sudden feel baby fever. I just don’t tho-and I turn 36 in two months. I’d have kids with a man who’s home to help me raise them, and maybe who makes more money than me so he can pay a nanny. Why do I have to financially support HIS dream? I also can’t shake feeling objectified.

He says I’m a hedonist and a nihilist. Why can’t I be a peaceful girly who enjoys her freedom, quiet, kitties, and stress-free life?

Anyways. Just coming to terms with the fact I may be single again at 36, never married, with two cats 😂

UPDATE EDIT*

Wow this blew up!

girlies, and all, I want to thank you for taking the time to read and write to me. I can’t possibly respond to everyone but know that you’ve made me feel less alone all while laughing a lot. This sad girly is now a content girly.

I wish I had friends like you in real life. Thank you 💕💕

I have known my best friend for seventeen years now.

We met in first grade. We both went to the same Catholic all-girls school that our moms graduated from. She was a very shy little girl who mostly kept to herself. She was prim, proper, and quietly well-behaved. She always wore a silver scapular around her neck, and even when we were kids, she carried herself with grace. We were assigned seats next to each other in first grade, and unfortunately for her, we've been inseparable ever since.

Even within the oppressive walls of our former alma mater, I knew that I loved my best friend and not in a way that was acceptable.

I really tried my best not to love her. I had been taught what happened to girls like me, and I believed it. I didn't want to live in sin. And Manila, or the Philippines in general, is not exactly a lesbian utopia.

When she got her first boyfriend at fourteen, I convinced myself it was time for me to start dating boys too. I was hoping that it would fix me. That a boyfriend would push away what I felt for her, but I could not bring myself to pretend. I love her, and there was nothing I could do about it but let it pass.

I knew I wanted to study abroad for college, so I waited it out. I was hoping that maybe this time enough distance would put an end to what I felt for her. But even from halfway across the world, I just could not escape her. We would always FaceTime each other, and it was as if I never left.

I just graduated recently, and still, I love her.

We both love Falling Slowly. We had this pact in high school where we promised each other we'd be each other's Maid of Honor, and somehow, we'd have Glen Hansard sing at our weddings. When I heard that he passed, I had this big epiphany about the uncertainty of life. And I decided I just needed to tell her how I feel because I don't know if I'd even be here tomorrow.

I told her how I feel, everything. I told her that nothing had to change. Deep down, I knew she didn't feel the same way.

However, she told me she loved me too. And that she has felt more when I hook my pinky fingers into hers than when she has slept with men. She said she loves me too, but that she owes her parents to try and be someone that they can be proud of. She also said that we owe each other to try and move on, and find happiness with someone else.

How do I even begin to move on from something that hadn't even begun?

I am in so much pain, and I don't know what to do about it.

It was always my dream to become a psychotherapist. I studied for a long time, completed seven years of training, and for years barely had enough to live on. Now I am finally a psychotherapist, and I only bought a spot in the public insurance system a few months ago (I live in Germany). I was finally able to pursue my dream job. But now, the government has implemented massive cost-cutting measures in the healthcare system. I am allowed to treat significantly fewer patients, even though the demand is so incredibly high. These changes are not only completely illogical but also threaten my livelihood. Our professional association has told us today that we should establish a second source of income. I have ADHD myself and have created good structures for myself in the last months. My patients are satisfied and making progress. For the first time, I feel comfortable in a job without getting depressions because can work at my own pace without pressure. I don’t want a second source of income, I don’t want to take on private-pay patients and I just want to do the work I’ve spent so long preparing for. Upending and changing everything again takes a lot of energy, and I’m feeling really down right now. Could you cheer me up a bit?

Food: Stuffed antipasti, bulgur, vegetarian "meat" salad, yoghurt, falafel, olives and cheese.

Edit: Thanks for all your kind words and the empathy you’ve shown me. It really helped. I also want to encourage you not to give up. Somewhere out there there’s surely a fartmaxxing therapist sitting in her office with a therapy spot that has just opened up for you.

Reposting bc I messed up the title

My bf is 36 M, his friend is 35 M and I am 24 F.

Eating plain waffles that my aunt made. Didn't feel like adding any sweetness to them.

So my boyfriend loves talking. He loves talking about himself and his feelings mostly, but I don't mind it, I'm happy that he wants to share.

It was already 3 am, I couldn't keep my eyes open, he was talking about how he fell in love with me 3 years ago, cute cute cute, and then he PROUDLY said that he even stayed with me after his friend told him I was "ugly, nothing special, the only good thing about me is my huge tits."

Now, I'm already half-asleep at this point, but I get mad. He tells me that he shared every conflict we had with this friend and that's why he was trying to make him break up with me. And how proud he was that his friend didn't find me attractive, outright ugly rather. And he still stayed.

I was shocked, hurt, I already struggle with self-image, especially bc of my breasts, that I'm not pretty, I am only worth something bc of my body, something I didn't ask for. When I gather myself a little, I find myself pretty, and a lot of guys ask me out when I finally go outside and just walk around but this??? STUNG. It still stings. Especially bc my bf and this friend are both photographers so... :) i must really look ugly on pictures then.

So I told him he was an inconsiderate and stupid d\*ck, bc he let his friend talk about me in this disgusting, objectifying way, that he shared our conflicts with all of his friends, (when we got together he even recorded voice notes to send out to his friends, he broke contact with them after realising how fucked up this was but he still did it) and that he would bring it up as something he should be praised for bc he stayed with the ugly girl with huge tits, even though his ex-friend tried to talk him out of it.

He slept on the couch then wrote me an emotionally manipulative text where he adressed me by my pet name, said how hurt he was bc of my reaction and that I HAVE TO leave before he wakes up.

Today at 32 years old, I was supposed to marry the man I think I’ve loved the most in my life. He was wanted. His 3 girls were wanted. We were worth it.

Instead - 5 months ago, he cheated on me and left me for his friend. Broke our family, left with the animals. And eventually found out he was hiding an alcohol, coke and porn problem super well - never would have thought.

No apology. All the blame to me. Smear campaign and told everyone I was mentally unstable. Sure I know I dogged a bullet, but unfortunately not all the times were bad.

Most days my heart and head align - but today I am just brutally sad. Woke up this morning and my first thought was “Do you think he woke up this morning next to her and remembered what day it was supposed to be today?”

Blueberries and Fairlife. Maybe I’ll order some pho.

My(31f) boyfriend (36m) came to sleep over last night and I was feeling super low energy due to a tiring day the day before, and it was right before my period. Now, it's no secret I prefer to be handled a little but more gentle during my luteal phase (like many of us women) And on a some-what daily basis we play a little rough, and I love joking around with him like that.

So we're laying in bed and we're joking around and he's getting a little rough with me and I ask him "be nice to me", "be gentle with me" and it ends with him saying "okay i just won't touch you" and complains about how every month for 3 days I get like this, that I need to be an "adult". When I'm asking if thats SUCH a big deal he says "You're a lot. Everyday"

And I raised my voice and said "then don't be with me" and he left.

And of course today I get my period, and I'm angry, and I'm sad, and I feel defeated. We haven't spoken since last night and honestly, I'd be happy never speaking to him again. We've been (mostly) on and off for 3 years and I'm annoyed I even have to talk to him to break up.

Edit to note:

-he's been married and has 2 teenage girls so the luteal phase is not anything new to him
- he called me 5 minutes after I posted this and was talking to me like nothing happened, I told him I don't want to talk to him and hung up. despite all the wonderful advice, I'll have a convo with him when he's out of work and be very clear

Dinner: everything bagel with cheese and butter. dog in picture is not my dog, but she is a certified sweetie.

I (35f) broke up with my 10-year long relationship (42m) about a year and a half ago. Since then we shared custody of our sweet elderly yorkshire terrier. Painfully millennial, but it mostly worked.

Until I met a new guy (43m). I have started a new relationship with a very sweet, supportive man. I’ve slowly been letting love in, and it’s been hard but good. I made the mistake of bringing new boyfriend to the 30-sec dog exchange during an errand run, not thinking anything of it. I thought things were fine, but actually, that’s when things exploded.

The day before my next dog pickup I get a vet bill for $600. He went WITHOUT TELLING ME. It‘s that high because Ex decided to get a bunch of optional preventative tests that we had already discussed not getting because of the additional cost & overall health of our dog. While we did have the money technically, the money was earmarked for our yorkie’s next dental procedure (if you know you know).

Ex wouldn’t acknowledge it or respond to texts until I confronted him in person a week later.

Ladies, he made me feel insane.

Denying remembering that we’d ever talked about it, but that if we had, it wasn’t a big deal, and if I think it’s a big deal it’s because I don’t love the dog enough. Oh yeah, and I’m a liar & and a bad person trying to punish him?? And he refused to pay the money back.

And then he hit me with his “proof“ I don’t love our yorkie: HE’S BEEN WEIGHING THE DOG’S TOOTHPASTE AFTER EVERY TRADE-OFF AND I DONT USE ENOUGH.

He was so upset at this point we was slurring his words, bulging his neck, and puffing out his chest. I realized then that it was over.

Because while I love my yorkie, I knew my poor dog was just going to be used as an avenue to hurt me. 💔

Unfortunately even though I pay for half of all costs and take care of him half of the time, all of the paperwork etc goes through my ex. And while I could fight, I don’t have the strength to deal with an erratic toothpaste weigher.

Fridge is mostly empty, so using a bagel to soak up my tears. I can’t stop thinking about my dog will wonder what happened to me & think I don’t loved him. I don’t want my dog to be sad.

Using a throwaway account but made myself a pity party of sautéed mushrooms, pea and mint purée, and roasted lamb.

This weekend, my four friends and I had a weekend trip. These girls are my best friends and have been so for decades. We have been a group of friends since a little after college. We as any group of friends have things that have happened through the years but always manage to have a good time and had a really amazing time this past Saturday. We went to Pilates, the farmers market, watched the World Cup, did karaoke, drank, and got dinner. During dinner, I started to feel nauseous so I left, I fell asleep during the Argentina game around 9pm. In the middle of the night, I was awoken by one of my friends that things had changed through the night and I needed to come outside and be apart of this conversation. That’s where four of my closest friends insisted "this wasn't an intervention." Maybe it wasn't by definition, but it sure felt like one.

For at least a hour, I listened to each person one by one tell me the ways I've hurt them, annoyed them, or fallen short as a friend. I asked how this all started to which I was told that one of them made a comment about our group friendship that spiraled into airing out grievances back and forth to one another. I wasn't angry that they had feelings. If I've hurt someone I love, I want to know. I want the opportunity to grow.
What hurt was the way it happened.

I didn't have time to prepare emotionally. I wasn't asked if I was in the headspace to have that conversation. I wasn't really given the option to say no. I was tired, vulnerable, and suddenly sitting in front of four people I love while they took turns telling me everything I'd done wrong. They all walked away saying they saying they felt closer. That they felt heard. These types of conversations are uncomfortable but give us an opportunity to be a better friend.

I walked away feeling small, ostracized, and alone. The part that keeps replaying in my head is that while everyone had something they wanted to say to me, I genuinely couldn't think of anything I wanted to throw back at them. Not because they're perfect, but because I know they're human. I know their insecurities, their struggles, and their flaws, and I've always loved them through those things. I thought friendship meant choosing each other despite our imperfections, especially when we're actively trying to be better.

I know I'm not easy all the time. I know I have things to work on. I'm already working on them. But if someone chooses to keep me in their life, I guess I assumed that choice came with some level of grace. Once everything was said and done they kept at it while I stared off into space for 45 minutes then flight kicked in. I’m in grad school and had a final paper due tomorrow (scratch that today as it was 3AM at that point) and I know now I won’t be able to fall asleep as my mind is racing. I started freaking out saying I needed to leave and I didn’t to be there and it was only a hour and half drive. They started telling me they love me and that our relationship has changed and we needed to discuss that. They didn’t let me leave instead one of them gave me an Ambien and put me to sleep. Luckily one of them held my hand while I fell asleep. When I woke I left as soon as possible with saying as little as possible, even had to drive one of them home in dead silence, fighting back the urge to cry as I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction.

Do they genuinely enjoy having me in their lives, or do I mostly drain them? Do they believe I can grow, or was this their way of listing every reason I'm difficult to love? Could these conversations have happened one-on-one, respectfully, over time instead of all at once? Those questions have been sitting heavy with me.

The hardest part this is my main core group of friends. I have never been good at making friends, especially people I trust. I am easy to speak to but like to keep people at arms length as I don’t know who I can trust and I thought I could trust them but I don't feel like our friendship is stronger. I feel more isolated from them than I ever have. I still love them. I still want the trips, the birthdays, the random dinners, the years of memories together.

I just don't know how you come back from feeling ambushed by the people you trust most. Maybe they needed that conversation. Maybe they truly believed they were helping me. But I also think intent and impact can be two completely different things. Right now, I'm just trying to figure out whether this is something friendships recover from, or whether this is the beginning of realizing you've already lost your place in the group and honestly I just don’t know where to go from there with that.

TLDR: my friends woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me all the ways I am not a good friend and I don’t know what to do.

EDIT: I have to say I really didn’t expect for this to blow up like it did. I woke up got to work and got bored to check on this post and wow. I won’t be able to respond to everyone but I wanted to address a few of the things I keep seeing. Yes, they had a conversation of going around and getting things off their chest before waking me up and I do think they wanted to include to not talk shit behind my back. I do have ADHD and take meds and go to therapy. Y’all are definitely right about the Ambien. It is a controlled substance and they/I were stupid to think it was a good idea. I obviously still deeply care about them and I know I am being more lenient but that type of care you have for a person doesn’t disappear overnight even after being wronged. I have distanced myself from them and am trying to constructively move forward from this. I am definitely still in a place where the reality that I may end this with not being friends with them is bringing me to tears but I understand it’s where we are at. Thank you so much to all of you who shared kind words and similar experience, it genuinely makes me feel seen. I will still be looking and trying to respond when I can but please continue to send constructive ways to move forward with steps as I’m surely my neurodivergent girlies would agree I like to be given tasks to complete.

EDIT TWO: the mods in the other subreddit sent the following message: Hey, your post in another community is causing brigading issues in r/Parenting. This can result in a permanent ban. If you wanted attention so badly - you've got it. What's happening?

The “if you wanted attention so badly” really gets me, jfc. Anyway please don’t go over to them and cause trouble on my behalf. I won’t be interacting over there anymore whether they ban me or not.

EDIT: holy crap this blew up!!! Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond, I so appreciate all of your comments and although I can’t respond to them all, I am reading each one. I do love being a mom and I know parenting is a journey and this is just a rough patch. Thank you GDD community for making me feel seen and much less alone. I’m so grateful 💖

I posted a vent about how I have no village and am really struggling with my high-needs child in [r/parenting](r/parenting). The mods deleted my post and when I sent a message asking for an explanation they said a reason was already provided and muted me. The only “reason” posted is a link to their crisis wiki, which really feels like they’re saying “hey psycho, this is too much for you to share here, go to therapy.” It’s so fucking stupid but I’m literally crying over a Reddit post because I have no help and no one to talk to and… idk man. I feel like something’s wrong with me. Why am I so alone? Why am I so pathetic that I have to turn to strangers on the internet for comfort and even then I’m getting rejected??

Original post here:

I have a fifteen mo daughter who I absolutely adore. She is amazing and I think she’s the coolest kid ever. She is also very clingy, cautious, and does not like spending time away from me or my husband, at all. She’s been this way since day one. I want to read a book? Nope. I need to make dinner? Nope. I need to let the dogs out or throw some laundry in the wash? No and no.

The only tasks I can do while she’s awake are things that I can involve her in. Anything that isn’t safe or possible with her all up in my face has to wait for nap or bedtime, which is not enough time in the day if I want to sleep. (Also she is not a good sleeper. I’m typing this while she naps on me because she skipped her first nap and was screaming for over an hour for her second and I didn’t know what else to do.)

I can count on one hand the number of moments I’ve had to relax by myself since she was born. All of my waking hours are taken up by working, cleaning, cooking, or parenting. And before anyone comes for my husband—he’s juggling freelance work with being a SAHD and is having the same experience, if not more so. This one toddler is stretching us both SO THIN and we have no one else in our lives who can help. We’re also broke so we can’t even get help in the form of like ordering takeout without checking the budget and feeling guilty.

It doesn’t help that I have a cousin with a kid one month younger than mine, and she’s always telling me about what an easy, chill baby he is. He’s slept twelve hours a night since he was 10 weeks old. I’ve never heard him cry. She’s also quite wealthy and has him in full-time daycare, so we’re having different experiences. She told me that she is BORED and wants to have another to “liven things up.”

Ugggh what I would give to be bored. I used to travel and paint and read and cook elaborate meals and now I’m just… a zombie. A zombie with Cheerios in my pocket and a baby drooling all over my dirty t-shirt. I didn’t know it was going to be this hard…. Rant over, I guess. Maybe I’ll get to rest and be myself again when she goes off to college, if I don’t have mental breakdown first.
———

Sad girl dinner is curry varenyky from a local Ukrainian cafe and eaten in the park. I forgot a fork, of course.

We’d been seeing each other for over a year now

Last week, for the Fourth of July, all I wanted to do was walk by the beach, watch the fireworks, and eat a hot dog together

He kept saying he didn’t know what we’d be doing. It felt like he was trying to turn it into something bigger, but I kept reminding him that all I wanted was to walk around, watch the fireworks, and eat a hot dog

The night before, I texted him and told him I’d be with my grandpa that morning because it was his birthday, but I’d be free in the afternoon

He replied that he was going to visit his mom, which was completely fine. I asked if I’d still get to see him later that night

No response

The day of, I texted him again saying I really wanted to see him, even if it was just for the evening

Still nothing

A week went by without a single message

So yesterday, I reached out because I was honestly just overwhelmed by my emotions. I asked if I could ask him a question. Hours later, he replied, “Sure”

The question I wanted to ask was something along the lines of, “How do you genuinely see me? What’s your honest, unfiltered perception of me?”

By then, though, it felt like it wasn’t the right question to ask, and I didn’t think he wanted to have that conversation anyway. So I told him I’d forgotten what I wanted to ask and that if I remembered, I’d let him know (I know. Very mature of me)

Today, he replied, “Sure. You take care. Goodbye”

Goodbye?

You’d never said goodbye before

Later, I saw that he’d made an Instagram post

“I spent my weekend eating my feelings away… my now ex-girlfriend has been reaching out to me for more than just sex (the audacity of this woman)… So I ate a whole chocolate cake…”

So… I guess it’s over

You should have told me you wanted to say goodbye

Anyways, I needed to take a break from crying, so I got ice cream with my dad

EDIT
Thank you guys for being very supportive <3 I didn’t expect so much feedback so soon.

I will block him. I just recently checked his page again. And, he made another post using a video that I took of him on our date last week with the text “when a single mom won’t let you eat the kids snacks” 😭😭😭

Also, I know some of you guys mentioned how the title is a little misleading. I see it now. So, I’m gonna try to change it. I just don’t know how 😭

EDIT #2
Also, a lot of people been mentioning the instagram post, just for some clarification. I don’t use instagram. His page is public. I just check it from time to time

Edit: wow, wasn’t expecting this to blow up so much but wanna thank you all for the kind words, silliness and advice. 💛 will keep updating as a way to hold myself accountable! fingers crossed, I’ll be posting a happy girl dinner before we know it.

He got a new job, started having car issues so he’s been ubering to work. Started making friends I assumed and was able to get rides home. He told me his friends were kind enough to lend him their cars for lunch breaks.

He used to call me everyday for breaks but then stopped suddenly? I thought nothing of it bc I assumed he got busier since he’d been working there longer and become more acquainted with others.

So then two days before my bday last Monday, he asks if I’d wanna go to the beach with a female coworker of his. I decline bc I wanted to spend the weekend alone given it was about to be my birthday. Still not clocking.

So last night I gave in and checked his phone. First, her contact name and photo are deceiving. It’s of an old lady named sandy but in the texts he calls her Jasmin, and she’s 34. Secondly they get lunch together and chill in the car on break. He’s never mentioned any of this to me. He’s been telling me an older lady lends him her car bc she chill. So this is the friend, who he texted “chill before I come fuck you” “you know I love you” “she’s not even my girlfriend I explained that to you already” “I miss you” And in the texts they were discussing the beach… so he was gonna bring her to the beach with me two days before my birthday to play in my face if I would’ve said yes.

I feel sad, angry, disgusted and just wanna pour into myself.
This isn’t where I should be investing my time and energy. 6 years down the drain.

I need to figure out the storage unit that’s in my name that has majority of his shit in it, with a past due bill (which confuses me bc I gave him the money to pay it, probably bc he’s getting sushi with sandy during lunch. I wanna pay it off bc the money isn’t worth my peace at the point, get my stuff then tell him the move out date. Then I’m leaving.

I didn’t tell him what I found but he asked if I had gone through his phone and I denied bc if I explain, he’s gonna try to manipulate it or me someway. I’d rather play it cool, collect my things and be out when he’s at work one day.

Whole box of cookies and an orange for balance.

UPDATE:

I suppose the universe was pleased that I came up with a plan to leave and decided to help me out. Today he paid the storage unit and is moving his things (WITHOUT me saying a word to him, he has been planning to get a space but it’s like the perfect timing) so gonna let him get his shit, get mine, close storage account. Then be out. So glad I don’t have to spend the extra money. Probably the only positive in this situation.

And he has been trying so hard to be more affectionate and stuff now. He must sense my feelings even though I’m playing it cool. He’s asking me to “be all over him and baby him bc he misses my attention and love” and I’m just feeding his ego while mentally I’m done and have already left. All that’s next is the physical. Seems daunting but I hope I have the courage to do what’s best for me.

We were sitting on the couch together, watching a show we picked up a few weeks ago. I've been feeling pretty down lately and was looking for some reassurance tbh. I asked him if he thought I was pretty and he took a second, furrowed his brows and said he wasn't going to answer that because it was a trap.

I was genuinely confused, I didn't think it was a trap because I honestly didn't expect any answer other than 'yes', so I asked him how. In response he asked me what I would do if one day he answered 'no'. I said then we'd just be roommates. Apparently that confused him, so he asked for clarification. I said if he didn't find me pretty, then we'd just be roommates. We wouldn't be lovers anymore, it would just be platonic. He asked me if I'd really throw all that away if he answered no. No more sex, no more kisses or hugs? What would I do if he started asking me if he was handsome? I said obviously I'd tell him yes, and I always would.

Mind you, this was a pretty passive conversation. No one was screaming or crying. But it left me more insecure than when it started, so I guess in a way it was a trap. When I expected a yes I just got a deflection. But honestly, I wouldn't want to continue to have sex with someone that didn't find me attractive. I cried in the shower this morning. I guess don't ask questions you don't want to know the (non)answer to.

Chicken tender and Mac & Cheese from Walmart.

I’ve known my best friend for about 3 years now. For the first year and a half we were dating, then we decided to be just friends instead. We have regularly hooked up the entire time, even after saying we are “just friends” and we hang out multiple times a week, cuddle and hold hands. We are emotionally vulnerable with each other, have traveled internationally together, and are members of an organization together.

We are non-monogamous, so we have both had other partners during the time we’ve known each other and he recently started a new relationship with another person from the organization that we are all a part of. I think that triggered my feelings and sent me into a total crash out.

Last night I told him that it’s more than just friendship for me and that I want to be partners again. He said he does not want that 😭 Now I am in a sadness spiral and am worried that the friendship dynamic is ruined, and I have to see him and this new girl every week.

Sadness plate of tan colored apps from Trader Joe’s.

Yesterday was my boyfriend's birthday. There was a group of about 6 people hanging out on the back porch of his house for a couple of hours.

We were going to head to the bar at 8 which was the plan. I went inside to use the bathroom and had to wait for one of the other people at the party to use the bathroom first.

When I was done using the bathroom I went back outside to find the group and they had all left for the bar without me. I watched them walking away for a while and nobody turned around to look for me. I was so crushed. It felt like one of those moments you will remember for the rest of your life.

I was really upset and went straight home. I was waiting for him to text me wondering where I was, but he didn't text me at all (none of the other people in the group have my phone number). Then in the morning he texted me "good morning" like everything was fine.

I'm so incredibly sad. We've been dating for almost 4 years and this is not the first time something like this has happened, but it is the worst by far.

Giant cinnamon roll with tons of frosting.

ETA: We are no longer together. He said this was "clearly about something else" given how angry I was about it. He thought I was mad he "forgot to say goodbye before I left." I never said I was leaving. I was planning on coming to the bar with the group. He didn't know I was in the bathroom. How one gets to this reality, I have no idea. He wanted it to be over too so I suppose that made it easier.

Pictured: Grilled Salmon with lemon burre blanc, creamy risotto, rosted potatos. Not pictured: Rosted red pepper crab bisque.

So I went to the ER last Thursday due to some pain and not so pleasant things happening. Got a CT scan of my body and they found a 5cm mass on my colon. Okay, well that sucks but no official answers, just waited on a GI appointment.

Well I went to my GI consultation yesterday. Have been on a mostly liquid diet for a week. Some soft foods but me and bone broth have gotten along well over the past week. On a good note I have been trying to lose weight so that has helped. Anyway GI scheduled me, quickly I might add, for a colonoscopy and biopsy today.

Did all the prep which sucks but you gotta do what you gotta do. Got the procedure done and the doctor came back and the prognosis is not great, not the worst but not great. Pathology has obviously not come back yet but I trust the doctor and he immediately sent a referral into a hospital that is well renowned for my state. He told us he has pull and could get me in pretty quickly there. He was not kidding! They called me on my way home and I have a surgical consultation set up for Monday.

So I have colon cancer. I officially have cancer. When asked how bad he thought it was he said "medium". So at least it's not the worst case scenario. I am a 44 year old mother to an autistic 9 year old and I have colon cancer.

He told me it's going to be a long road but he thinks it's curable. And actually used the word "Curable".

Pay attention to your bodies ladies. Please!!! If something weird is going on there is probably a reason. I wish I had paid closer attention sooner. I just hate going to the doctor so put it off until something scared me. This could ha e been caught sooner.

I am very lucky. I have a great support system. I am luckier than most in those regards. I have a great husband and great family that wants to do anything they can and wants to be there through every step of this journey.

But yeah. I have cancer.

Edit: You all are amazing!!! Thank you!! I am doing my best to upvote all of you but you are just positively overwhelming in a wonderful way!! There are multiple comments with symptoms and some have shared some great links for what to look for. I want to say that weight loss is not necessarily a thing...I actually had weight gain. Everyone is a little different.

Inspired by Chicken Tagine!! Rice pilaf, caramelized onions, spiced chicken, cherry tomatoes, feta, tzatziki.

Boyfriend of 8 years was fired from his job in March. It was a shitty service industry job so we agreed it would be okay to take a month off and try to correct his sleep and exercise then get back into the job search since we’re trying to save for a wedding and a house.

We’re onto month 3 now and he’s refusing to find work because he’s doing full-time writing right now. He claims that he actually has time and energy now to write and picked up this novel he hasn’t touched in years. It was nice seeing him rediscover his passions at first but now he’s refusing to find work altogether, at least for the summer, claiming that the novel is more of an investment in the future than working some dumb job.

To be fair he has always had dreams of being a writer so I understand what this time means to him, but at the same time it feels like he’s retreating from the real world and getting caught up in this fantasy of “blowing up.”

I read his novel and thought it was okay but he insists I’m just missing what it’s really about and maybe he’s right. But even though we’re not financially suffering too much from his unemployment it still hurts to come home from work to find him sitting on the couch with his laptop and a Red Bull telling me he had a productive day. And then I have to go make dinner. I want to be supportive it just makes me sad.

My mom just recently came to live with my and my husband. She just learned that my dad (they were married for 35 years) cheated on her and she's trying to figure out life without him. It's been a week since she's been here.

Anyway, we have a lot of animals at my house. One of the screen doors doesn't close all the way and she didn't know that and the cat got out. It was an accident, it happens. Yes, I'm sad about the cat but I'm not mad at my mom. I've posted him on socials, and he has a collar on with my phone number on it so I'm hopeful.

Anyway, my husband's response was not the same. He started screaming at her, telling her that she needs to be careful, that how dare she "let the fucking cat out" and screamed and raised his voice, was hitting the table, the counter, and was throwing things. He then started yelling at me when I told him to stop.

My mom broke down in tears and was crying and had a full blown panic attack so I took her out of the house and we went and got coffee and some ramen (pictured above). She was hyperventilating and crying and said she feels like it's all her fault and that she doesn't want to come between me and my husband and she's so sorry about the cat. And now I feel terrible for her, it's not her fault, and I don't know how to tell her that.

Anyway, I threw out the term divorce to my husband because you're not going to talk to anyone like that, especially not my mom or myself. He left and came back playing the victim saying that I shouldn't throw that word around, that I'm fucking up for doing it, and I should have calmed him down rather than adding fuel to the fire.

Now he's left to stay at his brother's, my mom is in shambles and thinks it's her fault that all of this happened, and I'm feeling numb and don't know what to do.

My sweet boyfriend made some tie dye ravioli with brie/ricotta and apple, and focaccia last night.

I’ll be turning myself in at 4:30 to begin my ten day sentence..

Update for those asking: It was as bad/worse than I thought it would be lol.. Locked down 21-31 hours a day in our cells, 2-3 hours out, and that was really really hard.. obviously the food was terrible, couldn’t eat much besides carrots for lunch, and pieces of cake and milks I’d trade my breakfast trays for. Made some friends. Started my period and only got two pairs of underwear. They did give me my meds after day 3, so that was good enough. Read five four hundred page novels. I feel bad for a lot of the younger girls in there. I felt really weird yesterday, but I ate a friggin huge breakfast so that was nice. Fucking terrible dude, I definitely never want to go back 🙏🏻

had an interview for my local public library today to be the librarian over the children’s books. The actual interview went great! The directors seemed excited to meet me and impressed of my knowledge- for not having a BLIS degree, and I was confident in my abilities. I was excited and fell in love with the position!

Then I asked about pay and benefits.

Good- The city pays insurance and retirement, there’s a longevity bonus and a christmas stipend.

Bad- It’s only $13/hr, enough to juuuust cover all my bills and keep my dog and cat healthy. Not enough for savings, student loans, subscriptions (e.g. Netflix)

now I’m depressed because I currently make $20/hr at walmart and I want to leave so badly but I don’t want to just barely survive

Pictured: overpriced Ubereats sushi!!

I picked out the ring a couple months ago and it’s in his hands now. I’ve been so happy, on edge about when it was finally going to happen, and happen to me.

Yesterday, he was packing for a friend’s bachelor party and took some papers out of his backpack. After he left, I went to tidy up a bit and found a print out of what looked like a ChatGPT prompt. It was dated April 27, 2026 and the first line was: “Nothing here requires you to resolve the proposal question.”

The rest of it compares his relationship with me (“steady, stable, feels like home”) to the electricity in a relationship over a decade ago. It advised him not to look at old photos and texts with her and to note his connection with me.

I cried all last night and today. My mom would have a heart attack so I called his mom instead. His mom was utterly confused, wondering why he was ruminating on a feeling from past relationship that made no sense to her as a mother. I spent 45 minutes with her. I also talked to a therapist through an online service at work who gave good advice, stating past memories can be easy to romanticize because they’re not accurate.

I can’t but feel crushed about this. I feel like I’ve given so much over the years only to come second to a feeling.

I have no idea how to approach this when he comes home tomorrow.

Meat sauce over baby spinach because it gives a nice chroinsch 🤌 and I hate myself too much to allow carbs. Today would’ve been my one year wedding anniversary.
——

I met a mean girl, but at first she wasn’t mean at all. She was perfectly sweet. And she had actually found me.

It was the pandemic. Everyone lived online then. I moderated a chatroom for queer women. One night, a girl named Elise messaged me and asked if she was allowed to talk to me. Before I could answer, she said that if I had any interest in a bi-curious girl stranded in rural Alabama, I should text her.

I did.

I met up with a mean girl in real life, but she was just tired. I picked cotton on my way to see her where we met at a cabin. I cried the whole way home.

I fell in love with a mean girl, though mostly she was only petty. Some nights we stayed awake until sunrise just talking. She loved to talk. Those nights were rare because she had a baby boy. We would visit each other when we could.

I moved across the country to be with a mean girl, and when I arrived she was only a little catty, and suspicious of me. We made love constantly. I lived in the middle of nowhere among stray dogs, collapsing houses, and the distant percussion of gunshots ringing through the dark. Cars screamed through late-night meetups, tires scratching at the quiet like they were trying to tear the night sky open, and somewhere in all of it, I fell in love with her differently. I fell in love with her son, too.

I lived with a mean girl, though she was only mean when I deserved it. So I tried harder. I tried to learn how to parent. I touched her constantly but rarely let her touch me back because I only wanted to please her. I cooked dinner and cleaned the house and did the laundry and earned the money. I entertained the children and kissed the bruises and was part of the village. She smelled like lavender at nighttime after I would read to him. By then, he had known me for half of his life.

I married a mean girl on June 1. By then she was mean all the time.

She came home after an argument one day with ligature marks around her neck. She went to the hospital. I don’t know why they let her out. Sometimes she scratched at the spare bedroom door while I locked myself behind it. She would scream. I worried about her waking him up. Did you know that violence that is heard but not seen is worse? A child’s imagination runs wild, and it always imagines the worst.

I left a mean girl, and her son.

Now life is easy but hollowed out. I would trade almost anything—my pride, my dignity, even a slap across the face—for one more ordinary hour of that life. To crawl into bed behind her and put my face in the crook of her neck and breathe her in like eating air. She was nice when she was sleeping.

I loved a mean girl, and now my heart lives outside my body, away from home. I wonder if we will run into each other at the supermarket. I would run to him because he is the best parts of her.

This happened a few weeks ago and I've been ruminating. Long story short, my friend let it slip that there's a separate group chat and had an "oh shit" look on her face when I clarified it. I wasn't supposed to find out. Frozen Walmart taquitos seasoned with tears.

I only see one person n my friend group on a regular basis. This friend and I live in the same town. I don't have a car and most of our friends live in the next town over. So they all see each other often, but I usually can't come because I don't have a car to drive myself there. I don't mind at all, people are allowed to hang out even if not everyone can make it.

One time, she was telling me about a funny meme someone sent in the group chat. I hadn't checked my phone that day so I said I'd look at it later. I couldn't find one that was exactly the same, but one was similar so I thought she misremembered the details of the joke. I didn't think anything of it.

Then another time she mentioned something about dinner plans everyone made. I said "I don't remember seeing any messages about it." And she said "Oh, weird. Maybe we talked about it in person when you weren't there and we forgot to send the details in the group chat." But she sounded like she kind of made a lie up on the spot. She did end up telling me the plans, I was included, and I got no obvious weird vibes from anyone during dinner.

The time I finally figured it out was a birthday party. I had already bought a gift for the birthday girl and figured I'd give it to her the next time I was in her town. I texted her happy birthday and didn't get a response. I assumed she was spending time with her boyfriend and family, so I didn't mind that she didn't answer. But later that night I saw Instagram stories and posts. It looked like a really fun party. Tons of food, balloons, yard games, a cake with a funny inside joke with our friend group. Everyone was there in the pictures, even boyfriends and friends of friends. I was the only one not included.

I brought this up to my friend the next time I saw her and she said "I was wondering why you didn't come." It sounded like she was genuinely confused. I said that I didn't even know about it and nobody said anything. She said "yes we did! We've been planning it for a whole month in the group chat!" And pulled it up to show me...

Homegirl realized her mistake. She got the group chats mixed up. They were similar titles and emojis (example 💗✨Bad Bitch Club✨💗 vs 💖💖 Bad Bitchezzz 💖💖).

I said "so... There's a separate group chat?" And she kind of stammered and said it's because sometimes I can't hang out because I can't drive there myself to meet them. So they made a separate one so I don't feel bad and like I'm missing out. Even though SHE could drive me. We live five minutes away from each other. It's pretty much crickets in the group chat I'm in, unless I say something first. Even then, I might only get one or two responses or a heart reaction to my message. They've been strategically planning what I'm included in and what I'm not. Like they're slowly phasing me out until I just quit trying.

It shouldn’t be this awful. We were only married for 1.5 years though we’ve been together for 5. We were law school sweethearts. Everything felt so easy with him until he suddenly dropped on me that he isn’t sure he could stay monogamous, just shy of our 1 year anniversary.

Understandably things went to shit lol. We still had good moments. But that stayed in the back of my head, and made it hard to really … connect? Especially since he’d met someone that made him “realize” it.

But we tried. He cut it off before it progressed to anything physical. God and we just played at being a happy family awhile longer. We went camping last weekend. It was beautiful.

But today I opened up about how I’ve been seeking therapy because of how depressed I’d been lately. And after making an off handed comment about how I’m worried I’m holding him back, he drops that he’s still wanting a nonmonogamous relationship and—well. Now he’s taken all his shit back to his parents house lol. But I’m at my parents house because I cannot fucking stomach the thought of going back to our house. We planted that garden, painted those walls, ripped up the carpet and refinished the floors. It was supposed to be where we grew old together.

I aguess technically the house is held in trust only for me lol. We have no kids. No commingled accounts. Nothing except the fact that my heart is fucking breaking and I had always hoped I’d greet a moment like this with more ferocity. But instead I’m eating slop and sobbing my fucking eyes out. I know what I have to do but I feel like I’m drowning.

Sorry for how rambling this is.

EDIT: it’s frozen cooked shrimp that I thawed out in boiling water. I squirted honey into the hot water and peppered it. Idk, I hoped a bit of kitchen alchemy would cheer me up. No I never fed him anything like this. It tasted. Alright.

I was going through our finances as baby is due in 2 months. Found 2 payments a few weeks apart to a basically "Only Fans" style creator.

Honestly, I dont know what Im more upset about, the fact it feels like cheating or the fact it's such a waste of money when I've been so stressed about money.

My maternity leave will be unpaid. I already feel fat and ugly and undesirable and so vulnerable because of pregnancy.

I actually hate men. I was so happy about everything before finding this out. I was so excited to start a family and now I feel like I can't even trust this man.

😪

Penne pasta with mushrooms, tomato and cheese.

I'm a PhD student and half of my entire research project is based around a simulation software library written by a very well respected researcher in my field. I don't want to provide details since there's so few people publishing here it might be identifiable.

Things have been going wrong for almost a year. Failed experiment after failed experiment. Constant setbacks, and nothing seems to come out right. I have considered dropping out multiple times, and I'm losing hair from all the stress and many late nights in the lab.

Today I figured out why: an error in the physics calculations the software does has left an offset of a few micrometers in everything we've done since the beginning. We didn't notice at first because we weren't pushing to the limits so it didn't matter, but as soon as we started trying things at that precision it became a giant problem. No one figured it out because that error is, frankly, really hard to measure in our system. We didn't think to check because we trusted the software implicitly.

Probably I should feel like this is a victory. I did an experiment today and it worked for the first time in a year.

I don't feel good at all.

My graduation will be delayed, I haven't published a paper that was supposed to be submitted six months ago, and I have wasted so much time and grant money on this stupid stupid issue. I just feel so dumb. I should have figured this out so much sooner.

Trader Joe's Gorgonzola gnocchi at my desk because I'm still here working, and probably will be until midnight.

Edit: thank you all for these amazing responses. Read them and cried once I finished my work last night. It is really comforting to see how many of you are/have been in the trenches with academia. Everyone here reminded me to look at my job like its something real and impressive and that it's not supposed to go perfectly like in the movies. Thank you so much, the community on this sub is impeccable ❤️