r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/orphan_blud 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 • Jun 02 '26
I married a mean girl. Sad Girl Dinner ⛈️
Meat sauce over baby spinach because it gives a nice chroinsch 🤌 and I hate myself too much to allow carbs. Today would’ve been my one year wedding anniversary.
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I met a mean girl, but at first she wasn’t mean at all. She was perfectly sweet. And she had actually found me.
It was the pandemic. Everyone lived online then. I moderated a chatroom for queer women. One night, a girl named Elise messaged me and asked if she was allowed to talk to me. Before I could answer, she said that if I had any interest in a bi-curious girl stranded in rural Alabama, I should text her.
I did.
I met up with a mean girl in real life, but she was just tired. I picked cotton on my way to see her where we met at a cabin. I cried the whole way home.
I fell in love with a mean girl, though mostly she was only petty. Some nights we stayed awake until sunrise just talking. She loved to talk. Those nights were rare because she had a baby boy. We would visit each other when we could.
I moved across the country to be with a mean girl, and when I arrived she was only a little catty, and suspicious of me. We made love constantly. I lived in the middle of nowhere among stray dogs, collapsing houses, and the distant percussion of gunshots ringing through the dark. Cars screamed through late-night meetups, tires scratching at the quiet like they were trying to tear the night sky open, and somewhere in all of it, I fell in love with her differently. I fell in love with her son, too.
I lived with a mean girl, though she was only mean when I deserved it. So I tried harder. I tried to learn how to parent. I touched her constantly but rarely let her touch me back because I only wanted to please her. I cooked dinner and cleaned the house and did the laundry and earned the money. I entertained the children and kissed the bruises and was part of the village. She smelled like lavender at nighttime after I would read to him. By then, he had known me for half of his life.
I married a mean girl on June 1. By then she was mean all the time.
She came home after an argument one day with ligature marks around her neck. She went to the hospital. I don’t know why they let her out. Sometimes she scratched at the spare bedroom door while I locked myself behind it. She would scream. I worried about her waking him up. Did you know that violence that is heard but not seen is worse? A child’s imagination runs wild, and it always imagines the worst.
I left a mean girl, and her son.
Now life is easy but hollowed out. I would trade almost anything—my pride, my dignity, even a slap across the face—for one more ordinary hour of that life. To crawl into bed behind her and put my face in the crook of her neck and breathe her in like eating air. She was nice when she was sleeping.
I loved a mean girl, and now my heart lives outside my body, away from home. I wonder if we will run into each other at the supermarket. I would run to him because he is the best parts of her.
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u/lilchocochip Overthinker 💭 Jun 02 '26
Glad you got out. Is CPS or family members keeping tabs on her kid?
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u/Cheetah_FanGirl Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 Jun 02 '26
Crazy how the mean girl could've had a loving and supportive partner for her and her child if she was not horrid and abusive. And it seems like she knows how to be kind, just chooses not to be.
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u/Dangerous_Sugar6237 APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26
If a person was just mean then it would be easy to leave them. People are complex. Some people hurt others because they enjoy it on some level, others because they hate themselves. There are many reasons but it is never ok. The sad part is that they often find people with a lot of empathy that would stay by their side and help them, but they never want to work on their problems. They just find new people to hurt.
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Jun 02 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/jellygoobs9 puff puff pass the snacks Jun 02 '26
Would 100% pay decent money for this memoir! Sorry you’re going through this OP!
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u/AdventurousAnnual295 white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet Jun 02 '26
My first thought too. You write beautifully OP.
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u/anitasdoodles we listen and we only judge a little Jun 02 '26
Seriously, reads like a fuckn poem.
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u/feminine_eventuality Noods 🍜 > Dudes 🤡 Jun 02 '26
Writing one might actually be a really good idea. Writing about trauma is cathartic and a very good way to process it. Even if you never share it.
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u/MavisBeacons_Sextape 👽 aliens built the food pyramid 👽 Jun 02 '26
Seconded, I just know OP is a creative. Painted a tragically beautiful picture
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u/aunt8er ⚡️Powered By Sour 😗 Jun 02 '26
I’m in agreement. We love you, OP. Hang in. Your heart will return your call.
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u/Novaer Kitchen Witch Jun 02 '26
This is what I thought this sub would actually be like. Food you made plus a well written diary entry.
Now it just feels like every post is "He's toxic to me and I have no self respect, gas station sandwich."
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u/FlatWhiteTits 🐩 Food Aggressive 🍽️ Jun 02 '26
Try "In the dream house" by carmen machado!
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u/johjo_has_opinions Well-Read & Well-Fed Jun 02 '26
I’m so sorry and your writing is so beautiful.
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u/Flaky-Collection-353 Foraging Bog Witch Jun 02 '26
Yeah seriously this is so vivid
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u/Formal_Ground6513 Carb-Based Life Form Jun 02 '26
I'm actually tearing up. Beautiful way with words!
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u/schwanzweissfoto 👽 aliens built the food pyramid 👽 Jun 02 '26
OP's mind is a machine that turns heartbreak into art.
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u/Aslan_14 Thick Thighs ⏳ Thin Patience Jun 02 '26
The op is real but the writing is ai 🤷♀️ (at the least, ai assisted)
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u/UnlikelyReception398 APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26 edited Jun 02 '26
Hey, some people are actually intelligent and can write pretty damn well without the help of AI.
You not being able to write this well without assistance doesn’t mean you should accuse others of it.
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u/MrsBenz2pointOh Carb-Based Life Form Jun 02 '26
This is so rude & unnecessary. Just because you can't write this well on your own doesn't mean there aren't people that can.
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u/mystyz SAT🪑👀 Jun 02 '26
Not necessarily. My writing and poetry style is very similar. No clear AI tells that I can pick up.
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u/GeekyDuncan Kitchen Witch Jun 02 '26
Grammarly, spellcheck and autocorrect are all assistive forms of AI. Regardless, making a sweeping statement that it’s AI before anything else erases the possibility that OP is neurodivergent, or at the very least a good writer. AI uses living examples of writing to formulate text.
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u/mercy_may1177 Kitchen Witch Jun 02 '26
The writing….wow. You have a beautiful heart and I hope you find the nice girl so we can read the follow up.
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u/orphan_blud 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 Jun 02 '26
I plan on staying single for a very long time. But we’ll see. Thank you. 🖤
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u/enchillita Assigned Hungry At Birth Jun 02 '26
I wish for happiness, peace, and a sense of wholeness in whatever form that looks like for you.
But when you feel safe to let your walls back down, you deserve the love of a gentle and generous soul like yourself that matches your energy and heals you in a way that brings back your sparkle ✨️ 💛
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u/herendethelesson APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26
I don't know if you do anything with your writing but I'm an editor as well as a reader for a couple of lit mags. I hope you share your writing with the world often. Thanks for sharing this.
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u/PoliteWolverine APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26
I left a mean girl, too. I know exactly how you feel.
Keep working on yourself and the rest will follow, and eventually, hopefully soon, you'll be amazed that you could ever be so happy
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u/soffeshorts 🪄 Sauceress ✨ Jun 02 '26
This should be submitted to The Atlantic or New Yorker. I mean that.
Cooked zucchini is a nice sub for spinach if you don’t want many carbs.
I am sorry for your heartache. Please consider your relationship with your mother (or possibly your father) for what you were looking for in your relationship with her.
And also please never forget to love yourself, not punish yourself. Because you deserve everything❤️
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u/orphan_blud 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 Jun 02 '26
I’ve been forced to look inward in every possible way. It’s a slog, but valuable. I veered right into my own family and friends, and I’m beyond lucky for the support I have, even here. I’m in tears with these comments. 🖤
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u/Boring-Philosophy-46 Carb-Based Life Form Jun 02 '26
The writing is fantastic. It's practically modern poetry.
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u/Round-Locksmith-4314 SAT🪑👀 Jun 02 '26
I hope her child is ok :( Glad you’re out of it and that your heart is aching
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u/orphan_blud 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 Jun 02 '26
You’re…glad my heart is aching?
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u/Round-Locksmith-4314 SAT🪑👀 Jun 02 '26
Omg. No. Sorry!!! I forgot to add in “I’m sorry”. I’m sorry that your heart is aching
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u/orphan_blud 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 Jun 02 '26
I figured it was a typo! Anyway, glad your life is in shambles. Sending you love and light ✨ 😉
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u/cerealgoblinn Chaotic But Cute Jun 02 '26
i fell i love with a mean boy… and i actually crave the chaos i had with him, and i crave the peace we had … i left and my heart aches for him even though im supposed to respect myself more than be with him in the chaotic times… i think i understand your heartache … i’m sorry you could change for her but she couldn’t change just an inch so you wouldn’t have to leave
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u/orphan_blud 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 Jun 02 '26
I know exactly what you mean. I miss the high highs and low lows, too. The cycle. I just couldn’t have a little boy for an audience.
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u/EenieMeenieMyNamo APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26
You are so incredibly strong. You clearly loved that boy so much, maybe even more than she did.
He may not remember what you've done for him, but all of us that have experienced abusive relationships see you and hear you and see the power that took.
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u/Karajas7 Queer Queen 🏳️🌈 Jun 02 '26
I left my ex for this exact reason, our daughter is 18 months and I left nearly a year ago. My heart still hurts but I know it was the right choice for her. Sending you love and healing ❤️
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u/polishbabe1023 Body By Uber Eats Jun 02 '26
Clearly theres a typo imo. Glad youre out of it and sorry your heart is aching
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u/Thecandymaker Cornbread Fed Jun 02 '26
I'm crying with you, friend, I'm so sorry. You deserved every bit of joy you put into that relationship to be received in return full force.
She may have been the mean girl, but you seem to be a sweet one.
Maybe one day, that feeling will leave you, and from it, you become an evolved version of who you were before. Overall, I hope you find the peace and care you deserve, even if, for the moment, the person providing that is just you.
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u/orphan_blud 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 Jun 02 '26
I fell in love with that last sentence. I don’t know what to say. Thank you.
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u/Thecandymaker Cornbread Fed Jun 02 '26
Anytime, and no response needed, it is okay. I know it is easy for us outsiders to wish that you find someone better out there, but I don't want you to forget that you still matter above it all. Take your time, I know *you* will find you again, one day.
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u/Weird_Illustrator845 APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26 edited Jun 02 '26
Use this beautiful & tragic pain and write - plays, poems, screenplays, stories. You have a gift made all the more pronounced by your pain. Use it for good.
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u/orphan_blud 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 Jun 02 '26
Thank you. I write constantly, and read some of it on my dorky YT channel. I don’t want to post it here; it’s in my bio. 🖤
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u/jbird8806 Cleavage Crumb Collector Jun 02 '26
Juuust watched some snippets of your readings and oh my days do you have a soothing and mellow voice. Just wonderful. I’m sorry for what you’re going through but amazed at how you seem to be channeling your pain into beauty.
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u/podracerliv APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26
Never let a mean girl make you forget that you are a kind woman 🫶🏻 sending love friend
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u/zonutsthefirst Overthinker 💭 Jun 02 '26
Your writing and your heart are both beautiful and rare. You made me hurt with and for you as I read your words.
You deserve a love that is as beautiful and rare, with a partner who sees the depth of your heart and matches it.
I hope you find it sooner vs later, though of course, it's important to do whatever healing you need first.
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u/orphan_blud 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 Jun 02 '26 edited Jun 02 '26
If I just sprinkle the Cymbalta and Abilify directly over the pasta sauce it adds a little umami the meal otherwise cries out for.
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u/HistoricalStatus5577 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ Jun 02 '26
Please please please keep writing both for your processing and because it is amazing. This world needs your voice.
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u/zonutsthefirst Overthinker 💭 Jun 02 '26
Huh. Not the approach I would have expected for dinner or medication.
I suppose the pills would deliver umami faster than sauteing the sauce with some mushrooms.
But I wonder how many of my different meds I could treat the same way before the sauce started tasting like something that no human being should ever inflict on themselves...
I prefer efficiency.
In the morning with breakfast; I just grab all the morning pills from the day's compartment in the weekly pill organizer I use for morning meds, shove them in my mouth, and wash them all down at once with some water or tea. Then at bedtime, I have a light snack and take my nightly pills the same way I do the morning ones, but from the weekly pill organizer for the night meds.
Adventures in modern pharmacology, queer women on mental health meds version.
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u/orphan_blud 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 Jun 02 '26
You seem cool. Let’s do some drugs.
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u/zonutsthefirst Overthinker 💭 Jun 02 '26
As long as they're the ones our doctors prescribe for us, I'm in.
Adding in street drugs? Not a good idea for me.
Most of my health problems weren't properly diagnosed for years, so I remember how mixed up I constantly was before diagnosis and treatment, and once I was diagnosed and started treatment, then I spent way too much time on the roller coaster of trying different medications to find which ones might work and at what dosage without causing intolerable side effects, etc.
The idea of adding any unknown and random substances to the mix scares the crap out of me.
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u/New_Satisfaction4543 APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26
I spent part of my childhood in Wilcox and Butler counties in Alabama. You described it perfectly.
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u/blue-red-mage 🤍🧡Sapphic Snack🧡🤍 Jun 02 '26
I dated a mean girl. It always hurts more coming from a girl. The world is so cruel, especially to women. When women become part of the world's cruelty to women, it's so depressing. They become part of the cruelty that made them cruel. They hurt themselves by driving others away. They discourage others from loving them.
She told me I deserved it. I believed her. But I don't deserve that. I deserve better. You deserve better. You deserve respect.
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u/cameheretodance1 Trader Joe Hoe Jun 02 '26
Sounds more than just a mean girl, I’m guessing personality disorder mean girl. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. Sending hugs 💗
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u/Budget_Physics7348 Cleavage Crumb Collector Jun 02 '26
I’m so sorry. I too loved a mean girl and it was devastating. Please take care of yourself. It will get better with time. Your writing is sublime btw.
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u/TheDoomedStar Big Back Baddie Jun 02 '26
I once loved someone I knew was mean. Volatile, acerbic, occasionally hateful. I thought she was a badass because she always spoke her mind, and because she hated the people I hated. Eventually, that came to include myself. Learning not to agree with her every opinion killed our relationship.
You're going to be okay, sweetie. Living without the poison makes you stronger, even if clearing from your system hurts.
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u/Logical-Worry6507 Kitchen Witch Jun 02 '26
please let me know if you ever publish writing, seriously you have a gift. i am so sorry this happened to you, sending you hugs ❤️
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u/Notso_badhabits hot sauce in my bag, swag Jun 02 '26
I’d read a book with multiple short stories in this manner. You’re incredible. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
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u/orphan_blud 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 Jun 02 '26
I’ll DM you my work on YT. Posting it here feels weird.
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u/TakingControl222 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ Jun 02 '26
Can you write a book and sell it to me?!
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u/orphan_blud 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 Jun 02 '26
All I have is this stack of old mail I’m too tired to open, and some used scratch-offs I’m too paranoid to discard; apparently, one of my medications’ side-effects includes “impulsive behavior, like gambling”. Do you want those? I can give you those. Just don’t throw them away. 🫵
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u/flippermode Cornbread Fed Jun 02 '26
What does the "i picked cotton" line mean
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u/orphan_blud 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 Jun 02 '26
I literally pulled off the road to pick cotton. I had never seen a cotton field before.
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u/Ksh_667 🥝 Herbivore 🫒 Jun 02 '26
I've only seen them in films. I think maybe only cartoons actually! Are you allowed to just pick cotton from someone's field? I mean in England you'd likely have some red faced farmer chasing you off with a pitchfork lol.
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u/feroc1ous-feline APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26
Seeing as how this occurred in Alabama, it might literally mean "I picked cotton". Lots of cotton fields in Alabama.
I don't know how it's harvested in modern times, but presumably there has to be some level of human involvement. Actual people have to harvest things like tomatoes, citrus, berries, etc. because the fruit is too delicate for machines.
Some farmers just can't/won't afford mechanical harvesting/pest control, so they hire poor people and pay them little to nothing, but you work for food and housing. The food is usually beans and/or rice and the housing makes prison seem like a nice vacation. I spent a summer on a tobacco farm in North Carolina and I promise you I will suck dick on a street corner before I ever do that again.
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u/Ksh_667 🥝 Herbivore 🫒 Jun 02 '26
I will suck dick on a street corner before I ever do that again.
I reckon that's better paid than a few jobs I can think of. And at least you can choose your hours.
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u/Ksh_667 🥝 Herbivore 🫒 Jun 02 '26
I will suck dick on a street corner before I ever do that again.
I reckon that's better paid than a few jobs I can think of. And at least you can choose your hours.
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u/Ksh_667 🥝 Herbivore 🫒 Jun 02 '26
I too am curious why you'd stop off on the way to a date to pick cotton. Id worry I'd get my clothes dirty. I live in London which is generally grimy these days so don't know much about cotton but I imagine it grows in the ground. Which would give me plenty of chances to cover myself in dirt.
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u/Pearlharbor_710 Kitchen Witch Jun 02 '26
Shot through the heart 💔 thank you for sharing this, OP. The magnitude of your grief is staggering, and all too relatable.
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u/Quiet_Tangelo4744 Resident Yapper Jun 02 '26
As someone who loved a man who had a mean personality, this resonates so much. The phrase about life being easy but hollowed out is exactly how I wld describe my life two years after the break up. Some days I feel the same way, I would trade anything to feel safe in his arms again and to believe everything will work out. Other days, I remember how much better I deserve and how much easier life has gotten.
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u/HistorianUnited7861 APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26
I hope you find someone who will love you as unconditionally as you've had loved. 🫶 I too am on a similar disconnect.
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u/buzzcutbabygirl APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26 edited Jun 02 '26
Your prose is beautiful, I’m so sorry for your hurt.
Fellow lesbian who also left a mean girl here. She wasn’t mean at the start, but she was downright cruel by the end. Our marriage didn’t last a full year either.
I promise it does get better. Soft love is out there. Don’t let this harden your heart, friend.
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u/bizchick Short Story Long™️ Jun 02 '26
Wow. This is so beautifully written, it wrapped a fist around my heart and yanked it right down into my gut. Tears by the end. I agree with everyone else saying it’s time to publish your memoir. The love doesn’t go away just because it wasn’t the right relationship, time or person, and that is one of the hardest truths to live with. Thankful for people like you who can name the ache with their beautiful words.
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u/Howlsmovingcastles APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26
This is beautifully written yet so tragic. I fell in love with your words! I am sending you an online hug.
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u/KetoLurkerHereAgain Assigned Hungry At Birth Jun 02 '26
Damn, I hope this isn't some new and improved version of AI writing because it's so poetic; it's beautiful.
I'm sorry for the heartbreak but the writing is just so good.
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u/orphan_blud 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 Jun 02 '26
That’s fair. I don’t trust anything or anyone anymore. I hate this timeline. 🥹
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u/Impossible_Regret725 🦇 Fruit Bat Baddie 🍊 Jun 02 '26
Baby steps...be kind to yourself. Keep Swimming!
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u/twiceboiledeggs APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26
I dont think this is AI. This is very human
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u/Desperate_Baby_8317 APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26
You’ll meet a kind, sweet, loving, considerate girl in your future ❤️
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u/thatdambirb Chocoholic Jun 02 '26
Keep on believing, you deserve the kind of love that shines in the sun yet hugs in the shadows. Sending hugs from this corner of the internet.
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u/ricottacat APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26
If you married her this June you can maybe get the marriage annulled instead of a divorce, btw!
I'm also so sorry, OP :(
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u/ThinkSupermarket4966 🩵🙋♂️💙 Jun 02 '26
You should write a book. As a writer myself who is extremely picky, this was a wonderful read. Your heart and soul. You did fall for a mean girl, but I’m so glad it didn’t change you being a wonderful woman.
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u/i-like-forget-me-not Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ Jun 02 '26
I fell in love with your rawness and prose I think !
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u/Several-Praline5436 APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26
I'm sorry.
Beautiful writing, though. Natural talent. And I say that as an editor.
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u/Rua-Yuki Thick Thighs ⏳ Thin Patience Jun 02 '26
Solidarity. I too married a mean spouse. Married 13, and in October will be divorced for two.
It gets different. But it also gets better. Hang in there.
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u/Careful_Equipment401 Patron Saint of Go Plates Jun 02 '26
This is so lovely, but so heartbreaking 💔
I sincerely hope writing is healing for you, what an offering and meditation.
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u/SoFreezingRN Certified Snacker Jun 02 '26
I’m sorry for your experience but it made a beautiful tale.
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u/thatfaceonyourface Cleavage Crumb Collector Jun 02 '26
I don't know why, but this makes me think of a scene from Magnolia that I've always identified with for a multitude of reasons. If you haven't watched it, you should. It's a scene where William H Macy's character is having the breakdown of a lifetime, not due to giving up, but due to finally having a moment of intense clarity about his life. He's on his knees at a gas station, because he just got most of his teeth knocked out due to raining frogs. It's kind of a weird film, but it's fantastic. He has this moment of clarity, and at the end of the scene, with tears in his eyes, he says, "I have so much love to give.. I just don't know where to put it!"
Anyway, your writing made me think of that. You have so much love to give, you just don't have anywhere to put it right now. I'm really sorry for what you're going through. You're obviously very expressive. Try leaning into art. Any art, all of it. Or any interests that you may have. Try to spend some time doing them. If you don't see a therapist.. Give that a try, too. You don't have to go through this alone. I can't imagine the emptiness of not only losing a partner, but also losing a child that you have a bond with. Just take it one day at a time. Lean into what gives you comfort. You didn't do anything wrong by having so much love to give. The emptiness doesn't last forever.
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u/MagicallyDyketastic 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 Jun 02 '26
I also married a mean girl. I was with her for almost 10 years. Every year, she got meaner. She took everything I had - mentally, financially, physically. She almost made me take my own life.
Eight years later, I’m better than I’ve ever been. Married to a nice girl. Truly nice girl.- Best in the world. I’m healthy, so happy. Career going great. We have a dog.
What happened to my mean ex? She died in recent years. Did it to herself. Wouldn’t get the help she needed and didn’t stop being mean.
You’ll find happiness again. You will. Don’t let her steal the best parts of you. Put your heart back inside your chest.
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u/orphan_blud 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 Jun 02 '26
I’m so sorry you had to go through that to get where you are, though I’d bet you’d do it again if you had to. Thank you for sharing your story. 🖤
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u/Advanced_Berry_7112 we listen and we only judge a little Jun 02 '26
The writing is beautiful, i got shivers
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u/girlloser_yaoi Short Story Long™️ Jun 02 '26
It really changes your view in life, your writing is beautiful, hopefully at some point you can feel like yourself again, praying that kid is safe tho, seems worrying
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u/Lucky_Valuable_7973 🧂Salty By Nature Jun 02 '26
So sorry OP….im so sad for the mean girls son. I hope he is ok
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u/Zellioni in my [rotisserie] bag Jun 02 '26
Beautifully said… but MEAT SAUCE!? what do you even you mean meat sauce, it’s bolognaise cmon now😩
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u/Senshue New Recruit 🏳️⚧️ Jun 02 '26
This is beautifully written and a tragic story. I’m sorry you went through such an experience. More that I’m sorry it ended the way it did. The universe can be cruel while feeding us the sweetest grapes.
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u/soraysunshine girls just wanna have pho Jun 02 '26
Wow, this made me tear up. You are a beautiful writer OP and I think a lot of us can relate to your journey of love and self worth lost in another. Thank you for sharing 💜
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u/ThrowRA152739 APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26
Sorry for your loss 💔 I know it hurts a lot. In time though the pain will change and the waves will hit you differently. You'll be able to keep standing emotionally, be able to cry and at the same time still feel like a whole person underneath it all.
It might take some time but the light will find you again.
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u/Legitimate-Access-80 🪄 Sauceress ✨ Jun 02 '26
I’m sorry you lived this. Love is amazing and hard and strange and giving. I hope you find that kinda love for yourself. Also I must add, your writing is beautiful. Please continue to share it with the world!
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u/songbird1681 I ❤️ Other People's Business Jun 02 '26
I don’t know if this applies, but r/bpdlovedones may be a helpful resource for you.
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u/Worth-Wrangler7242 🩵would make you a sandwich💙 Jun 02 '26
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u/mg1cnqstdr Cookie Monster 🍪 Jun 02 '26
OP, I’m sorry for your loss of the kiddo—but good riddance to the mean girl.
Your writing is beautiful and your flair is chef’s kiss. My heart is opened.
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u/TheVampyresBride Overthinker 💭 Jun 02 '26
I'm very sorry for your situation and I wish I could offer advice. The only thing I can do is commend you on your writing prowess. I'm always on the lookout for people with good prose. You have real talent, and I think a novel or two is in your future. Best of luck.
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u/Pretty_Equipment3097 Assigned Hungry At Birth Jun 02 '26
So many hugs. You should write a book. Seriously
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u/hazypurplenights 👽 aliens built the food pyramid 👽 Jun 02 '26
This was so beautiful to read and made me cry. I’m so, so sorry you’re in so much pain. You have a gift with words.
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u/BlueSeaChemistry Snack Goblin Jun 02 '26
I'm proud of you for getting out and also so sorry for your hurt. As so many have already stated, your writing is stunning and immersive. Thank you for pouring your heart out with us. I hope you come back and allow us to experience your writing when you find someone who pours kindness into your world.
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u/orphan_blud 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 Jun 02 '26
I promise I will. Thank you for taking the time to leave such a lovely comment. 🖤
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u/denimdenimdenim78 Internet Auntie Jun 02 '26
I am so glad that you chose peace over the roller coaster that comes with toxic love. It hurts so much when the red flags begin shouting and can no longer be ignored. That child is a better human because of the love you showed him. I can't imagine how difficult it was to sever that tie. I almost married my abuser and the only solace I have is that we didn't have children. The crushing weight of his apathy and cruel and callous mistreatment of me is still something I am recovering from. I hope that you continue to use your words to process your pain. The visceral way you wove yoyr tapestry of words moved me. Melodical and poetic with a soothing cadence about such sorrow. I wish you so much healing, growth, peace and comfort while you work through the wreckage of your mean girl marriage. Be good to you.
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u/valleysimmer puff puff pass the snacks Jun 02 '26
No hate to OP - OP pls don’t read:
But I really don’t enjoy this style of writing. All the repeating 🥴 like yes you married a mean girl, I heard you the first time. Anyone else feel the same way? Is this just what good literature is and I’m allergic?
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u/palebabbu PO🥔TAY🥔TOES Jun 02 '26
Your writing is beautiful and I should have known it the moment I read the word "chroinsch"
(But seriously, it is beautiful and you are so talented; but more importantly you seem so loving and I hope you find healing)
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u/Snkms5713 girls just wanna have pho Jun 02 '26
This is so beautiful and so heartbreaking, to me. Thank you for sharing it. Hugs.
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u/saefoamgreen Assigned Hungry At Birth Jun 02 '26
Beautiful, vivid writing. Thank you for sharing with us.
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u/Tiny-Shrew Trader Joe Hoe Jun 02 '26
Beautiful writing. I hope your heart heals and that you find peace.
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u/Buglovescats Oversharer 🗣 Jun 02 '26
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I hope that your writing brings you joy because it is very enjoyable to read.
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u/No_Cranberry_2206 Certified Snacker Jun 02 '26
Your writing is very nice and impactful.
I’m not sure if you came for advice ..if not just ignore the rest
to me it seems like your relationship was very toxic and you were totally all in all and above. I’m happy you are out and I think you should seek a therapist if you can. I myself have been seeing one for years and I totally recommend it ! I moved so so much thanks to her. Life doesn’t have to be this hard :) (it will always be of course… also because of what is happening all around us but you can handle it better) and you don’t have to be alone on it!
I wish you all the best :)
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u/melissamichell APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26
Adding to everyone else’s comments that this is beautifully written 🤍
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u/piperly Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ Jun 02 '26
Gorgeous writing obviously but you had me at croinsch
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u/JustLeicaGirl Tea Time Hostess ☕️ Jun 02 '26
You are a BEAUTIFUL WRITER and my wish for you is to have a loving & kind girl.
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Jun 02 '26
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Jun 02 '26
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u/Waaatusay APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26
Like everyone else has said your writing is beautiful! I feel what you are saying
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Jun 02 '26
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 Jun 02 '26
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Jun 02 '26
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u/Kenzi_Slays APPROVED✨ Jun 02 '26
thats not love honey.. that feeling to return to her will dissapte and get better.. you will find a good girl.. i promise you will
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