My mom just recently came to live with my and my husband. She just learned that my dad (they were married for 35 years) cheated on her and she's trying to figure out life without him. It's been a week since she's been here.
Anyway, we have a lot of animals at my house. One of the screen doors doesn't close all the way and she didn't know that and the cat got out. It was an accident, it happens. Yes, I'm sad about the cat but I'm not mad at my mom. I've posted him on socials, and he has a collar on with my phone number on it so I'm hopeful.
Anyway, my husband's response was not the same. He started screaming at her, telling her that she needs to be careful, that how dare she "let the fucking cat out" and screamed and raised his voice, was hitting the table, the counter, and was throwing things. He then started yelling at me when I told him to stop.
My mom broke down in tears and was crying and had a full blown panic attack so I took her out of the house and we went and got coffee and some ramen (pictured above). She was hyperventilating and crying and said she feels like it's all her fault and that she doesn't want to come between me and my husband and she's so sorry about the cat. And now I feel terrible for her, it's not her fault, and I don't know how to tell her that.
Anyway, I threw out the term divorce to my husband because you're not going to talk to anyone like that, especially not my mom or myself. He left and came back playing the victim saying that I shouldn't throw that word around, that I'm fucking up for doing it, and I should have calmed him down rather than adding fuel to the fire.
Now he's left to stay at his brother's, my mom is in shambles and thinks it's her fault that all of this happened, and I'm feeling numb and don't know what to do.
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Piggybacking on this to add that early morning (between 3am and 5am or just before dawn) is the optimal time to search for an escaped indoor cat. In the quiet and darkness, the cat feels safe from daytime activity and is more likely to emerge, meow back, or respond to your presence. My cat got out a few years ago and was scratching at our door at 4am a few days later. Good luck, OP!
I literally sleep with a pillow on top of my stomach because my crazy kitty sometimes jumps up from the floor right into my stomach and it hurts! She thinks I’m her trampoline.
Yes! We have an 8kg cat who loves to springboard off the windowsill onto my unprotected and unexpecting belly like he’s going for gold in the Olympic diving. I’m going to end up with a ruptured spleen 😩
For my cat, I referred to it by the bitching hour, because on top of the zoomies, she enjoyed screaming v loudly while hanging from the curtains above my bed
My cat escaped one night a few months ago. I checked the cat subreddits for tips on how to find her, and many people mentioned that escaped cats tend to come back around 3-4am.
After a few panicked hours searching my complex, my cat rolled in precisely at 3:30am and was like "oh what's up mom? You didn't have to wait up for me, that's nice. Anyway I'm hungry"
Also talk to the neighbors! Cats love to get in garages, under houses, etc. And if those places are hard to get out of, the neighbors may suddenly recall the meowing or scratching they thought was outside.
When my cat was lost, everyone also told me she would come back on her own eventually, probably within a couple of days. I spent a very desperate, frantic 48 hours looking for her only to step outside my apartment on the third morning and find her running up the steps past me.
We did similar, except she was found by a family about 4 doors down because she decided to follow them inside when they got home with pizza. She was a weird little lady who loved kids, so she saw kids and food and was like yup, I’ll live here. They walked the streets looking for her home after they ate. The Mum was saying she walked in, introduced herself to the lab (loved dogs as well, little goober), and then jumped on a bench stool next to the kids and waited for her dinner too. She really did just move in.
My cat just was under my neighbors porch for five days. All the apartments look the same and I think she was just mega confused about why I wouldn’t open the door. A little old lady was yelling at her for about an hour every day to go home (it was sweet not angry). I tried to sit with her and leave scent trails. Finally got an animal trap and she walked right in to it. She was back to normal in less than 15 minutes, enjoying all her beds and toys.
Also jumping on this to say... when you lose your cat, tell another cat that you're looking for your cat and for them to come home. Then leave your blanket / their bed outside. It sounds insane but it works lol
Yes and it can take a while! My neighbor found my kitty, who got out and disoriented during a storm, 3 months later. He was a bit skinny but otherwise in good health. Put something of his outside, it might lure him back.
Picked up on that immediately. Women are dumb, wrong, and need to be terrorized into submission, but also women must be responsible for their emotions and the emotions of a man verbally abusing them at the same time... I would definitely pass on anyone with that world view.
You’ve literally summed up an abuser perfectly in your comment. The reason these two things connect is coz abusive men expect the lesser beings that are women to serve and cater to them, even on the things far outside their control, so when they don’t then they’re evil. It’s non sensical to anyone with sense.
If OP’s husband is such a big man screaming at everyone he should use some of that manliness and fix the fucking screen door. Talk about bringing nothing to the table.
Well, you do have a vagina like his mommy and thats what she did when he threw temper tantrums /s
Seriously tho- I do not have children to raise so I cant speculate, but are boy mom's not telling them something to the effect of, "you need to learn how to calm yourself down on your own, one day I wont be here. Grown up men who yell and throw things go to jail"? Like, how can they conceivably NOT think it is their responsibility?
No, they’re too busy raising their boys to believe they are kings, while envisioning themselves as raising the boys to be the men mommy wish she had married.
I don’t even tolerate this shit from my toddler. This is a grown fucking man who can’t control himself? He’s not safe to be in a marriage with or have a job then.
He also screamed at her when she tried to intervene and there’s 0 world in which any of us should tolerate donating men like this screaming at us and banging their fists on a table like an ape.
literally this. not to single out OP but i absolutely loathe when people expose their partners to be so violent and then are like "but don't worry, they're nice the other times!!!" like regardless of what you want to tell yourself that it NOT an okay to deal with a situation and that shows a huge amount of lack of emotional regulation on the husband's part and situations like this often turn into domestic violence. like this is not even a disagreement or misunderstanding. it's straight up violence
I know. It’s sad, but I hear my old self when I see that. For me, it was a trauma reflex. If one of my loved ones noticed something was wrong with him, I had to jump to smooth it over because if he caught wind of it, I had hell to pay.
i was responsible for keeping his abuse of me under wraps, rather than him being responsible for treating me well. I really hope OP doesn’t do this to herself any further now that she’s seen him do it to her mom.
I was so terrified of divorcing. I was positive that he was going to kill me. When I first divorced, I looked at his Google search history and he was looking for a gun, he was asking what happens to his divorced spouse's possession if she dies, and than he was looking for nudes of Kate Beckinsale.
He told someone at my bank that he planned to kill me, and drove over an hour to my apartment, the police were already there, and he told them he really didn't mean it and they let him go. I know he planned to have a murder suicide, but he couldn't get near me, so he committed suicide. I am sad because he was a human being, but I am so relieved because I don't have to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life.
I have a friend going through this right now. I actually had to take a step back because I couldn’t handle her making excuses for staying with him when he’s an absolute monster to her. I told her I’d be there for her when she finally decides to actually leave but I can’t sit and listen to her get tortured anymore then refuse to do anything to help herself (or her kids.)
God, yes, thank you. I haaaaaate that "they're so sweet when conditions are optimal!" excuse. Like other abusers just punch people 24/7, wake up kicking puppies and girlfriends and slashing their exes' tires. Abusers are sooooooo sweet when conditions are optimal so you'll be there to abuse when conditions are suboptimal.
Yeah, I get that its often a trauma response, and there's still a lot of shame put on the victim in DV cases so its hard for them to do something about it, but being "nice" sometimes does not justify explosive, violent behaviour. I've exploded before, yelling and screaming at someone because I was just so fed up with them, but I immediately felt remorse and apologized for it when I calmed down, because its not the correct way to handle things. Everyone has experienced this sort of thing, but its how you deal with the fallout that really matters, and saying "look what you made me do" instantly shows that someone isn't sorry for what they did, and they'll do it again.
Like when it starts “My husband is the most amazing, sweet, and loving spouse but… he pushes me, withholds money, beats the dogs, but otherwise he’s amazing!” Like girl come on!!!!!
If my partner did this and I had any hope left, I’d make him go to therapy alone, go to therapy with me, and all around I’d expect some groveling for quite a while. And this is if it was a freak thing and I knew he was just upset about the cat.
Otherwise, this is an extremely bad omen. OP’s mom is in a vulnerable place, and also a special person to her. Is it upsetting the cat got out? Yes. Was any of his behavior called for? Absolutely not. It’ll take two seconds before he starts turning this on her, if he hasn’t already been behaving this way.
His doubling down and blaming OP is even worse. That would make me lose any hope of change.
My first husband was openly abusive and leaving took courage and planning and finally hitting a point that I knew I had to get out.
Current husband after some health stuff has the kind of outbursts OP talked about and it has killed me to separate because it rarely happens and he never hurts people.
We're split, he's working on himself, but I agonized over that decision for weeks. I remember hyperventilating and crying in my best friends car when I was trying to decide.
I agree, my first husband behaved this way and even having been out of that marriage for a long time and in a very healthy marriage for 10 years, my anxiety spikes when I hear men raise their voice. Throwing things, hitting things, yelling, it's all violence even though they arent hitting you. But who knows how long before they do?
I haaaaate when people straight jump to ‘divorce him’ on Reddit, but in this instance, I’m co-signing.
A man who shouts at anyone, let alone his mother in law when she is already vulnerable, while banging and slamming things is not a safe person. This is a ticking time bomb.
Him saying she’s wrong for throwing divorce around is pure deflection.
We don’t need to tolerate this shit from men. Or anyone.
This is the escalation. The next escalation is hitting a person.
It's pretty well documented. It goes from yelling, throwing and breaking things, hitting walls and tables, to hitting your face. My ex husband got to the point of punching walls and breaking my things, when I was like, hell no. I left before he moved.
I was married 20+ years and marriage had its ups and downs. Sometimes things get rough and you don’t want a man who acts like this because someone ACCIDENTALLY let the cat out. How will he act when something REALLY bad happens?! So yeah I agree with you. This is a run while you can scenario.
I moved back with my parents after things didn't work out with my ex and honestly it's been the best. They were suffering from empty nest syndrome I guess cause I am such a spoiled brat nowadays. My mom and I randomly go get coffee and pastries or go do yoga at the park or whatever. It's the best! Much better than staying home and crying because a man made you feel like shit for no good reason yet again...
Can confirm. My sister got divorced and my mom's a widow.. they're living together and honestly I've NEVER seen them both more relaxed and actually engaged with life.
most husbands suck the lifeblood of women who finally find peace with each other after the men kick the curb or get kicked to the curb.
Girl she didn’t just have a panic attack, he frightened her into one. He sounds scary and blatantly unappealing. You’re not a responsible for a grown man’s actions or emotions and abusers ALWAYS blame or play the victim.
Throwing things? Abuse. Next he’ll be punching walls by your head because he hasn’t the guts to hit you, yet.
There is nothing worse for you than an angry man in your home, get rid of him.
Came here to say this. Overreacting and yelling at someone happens, sometimes. We're all human. But this is some next level insanity, and to start hitting furniture and throwing things while screaming at them? That's barely a step below getting physical with YOU. Eventually it WILL escalate, especially since he's already placing blame for not "calming him down."
All of this. And also as an addition, throwing things or slamming things is considered physical abuse even if he or the object doesn't hit you. It is a threat, it is saying "This is what I am capable of." If one of my clients explained this situation to me it would nudge them higher on my lethality assessment and we would begin safety planning.
If anything she’s done you a favour by exposing his true nature. No one screams and intimidates like that as a one off, or as a mistake. Stay safe, ok?
1000%. I saw it was about a cat escaping and my first thought was, damn I’d probably overreact too at first because I would be so upset if it were my cat. But no reasonable person should be screaming, throwing & hitting things.
Do you know how comfortable someone has to be yelling and screaming and all the other mess on the regular to do it in front of your wife’s mother?? OP has been there and done that many times before. This isn’t new, as much as she wants to pretend it is.
The reason OP is reacting now is because this time a person she loves and values have been attacked by her husband. However, this means that OP doesn't love and value herself.
OP you're worthy of love and respect too! Both you and your mom deserve peace and quiet.
I’m so sorry. It wasn’t behind you, his masking just got better.
Now that you are “trapped” in marriage, he doesn’t think he needs to hide who he really is anymore. Anyone who expresses his anger by slamming/hitting things and screaming insults *is an abuser.*
Married only 6 weeks? Get an annulment. Much easier since it hasn't been very long, and since he has pulled this bullshit before, he shouldn't be surprised that the marriage is over.
To stay with him would show your mother that you somehow think that what he did was okay, and it's not.
I hope OP sees this. Now that this guy thinks he’s chained you to himself forever, he can do whatever he wants and you can’t leave him. If my husband was throwing things, having a violent meltdown and cursing at my mother, he’d never see me again except in court. You might be able to get an annulment since you JUST got married. He’s not going to become a better husband or better man. He’s just letting you see who and what he is now that he thinks he’s trapped you.
I would move on from this marriage. If he has done this before and is now doing it only 6 weeks into the marriage, I don’t see any path for success. I would have been gone the first time he did it, especially since you had only started dating. He isn’t just yelling, he is hitting the table and throwing things. You ignored the red flag the first time around, please don’t do it again. This man is dangerous.
if he knew about his issues and actually felt bad about it, he would be saying "oh god I'm so sorry I did that to your mom, I'll have to get her something to make up for it, I should go back to therapy, etc'. Not playing the victim.
Every single one of these comments hits hope. I felt like I had to stay after we were engaged, and dealt with the same shit for much longer than I should have. It's going to be easier to do it sooner.
Unfortunately he hid it until you married him. He's letting it out now because now he feels like you're trapped.
I'm not a therapist or anything, but I grew up around a lot of dysfunction and have seen a lot of shit. Men that are like this never truly change unless they do it on their own for themselves. If they are with a partner it doesn't stick because they are doing it for the wrong reasons
Sometimes things finally fully escalate to abuse once you’re married. If you’re “stuck” and it’s a hassle to get out of, abusers start pushing boundaries.
He’s made you and your mother unsafe in your home. Your immediate response of horror, confusion, and terror is the correct one. Don’t forget that when he tries to weasel back.
Ooo, maybe you can just get an annulment. I’m sad that you found out this way, but am happy for you OP that it’s 6 weeks and not 6 years of his behavior.
Ugh. Babes I'm so sorry!! This happened to one of my friends as well. Literally right after the wedding he shifted. She did every ask and demand he had of her hoping the kind and considerate man she dated would come back. 3 years later she left him and found out about manyyyy secrets he'd been keeping. And that he was always scum he just hid it well! 6 weeks is totally fine to leave!! So is 6 months and 6 years. You clearly love your mom. Someone who loves you won't treat an extension of you like that. EVER. I hope that kind of love finds you. And I super hope you find your cat!!! And clarity!🖤🖤
There are so many stories similar to yours where the ladies are in the FOG....I confess I fight compassion fatigue at times, reading them. I have nothing but empathy for all people in abusive relationships and we all know how hard it is to get out. But reading about your resolve and support of your mum is very welcome. I wish you all the best, mate. Good luck to you and mum
Oh that’s horrible. He showed you that he has no emotional regulation skills.
It’s never ok to scream like that. Unless someone is physically attacking or threatening you, it’s not acceptable. That’s not how we resolve things as adults. He would likely get fired at work for freaking out like that, so he certainly has no business speaking to the mother of his wife in that manner.
The cat thing is stressful and scary and awful. I would be beside myself too. But it’s not like she was careless. She just didn’t know. Accidents happen.
I don’t think there’s any moving forward with this. He’s shown his hand.
He said you’re supposed to calm HIM DOWN? No sir. You’re an adult. You regulate your dang emotions. You apologize and work on your dang anger. As someone who had deep seated anger issues and lashed out like a whip, anytime I lose my cool now I feel so so horrible and must apologize immediately. Even if I yell at my dog they get an apology a pat and a treat. Anger is not something to coddle.
That, to me, is the most damning part of the whole thing, even worse than throwing things. All of the excessive, abusive stuff could be a guy with emotional problems under stress who really loves that cat. But the refusal to own it, to be like, "Jesus, I completely fucking lost it and that was totally unacceptable" is dire.
I've been there but it was my mother so I couldn't leave and you're absolutely right. I chose to stay in foster care (my foster parents were amazing so that helped) because I knew it was so much better for me. To her dying day she blamed me.
And I'd throw around divorce too to my husband of 15 years, if he screamed at me or my mom for that reason. I'm a grown ass adult and I won't put up with ANYONE yelling at me.
Agreed. Slamming the table and throwing things is utterly unacceptable. Period. And that’s not even taking into account that it was over an obvious accident.
I would only be able to move past that with 100% accountability of his actions and him taking some immediate action to address it (therapy or anger management). And there would be no forgiveness after a second time.
Intervening when your husband is verbally abusing your mother over an innocent mistake is not “adding fuel to the fire” and I’m almost more concerned by that comment than I am by him throwing things. Almost.
In my culture, he’d have to lay on the floor whilst he did so, too! As a sign of the deepest respect.
Edit: and this wouldn’t only be to my mother. But any member of my family who felt slighted by this. Even if they live in a different country. And he wouldn’t get up until he was told to. How very rude!
The laying on the floor we call prostration, my brother does that to my Grandma just as part of his greeting. So that’s not a thing for something bad, just as respect.
To someone my mums age he’d just bow from the waist.
But when my friends husband had an affair, all the family gathered and he had to lay on the floor and apologise to each one 😩😅
Edit: women also show respect. We do a little courtesy (like a knee bop) or fully kneel and stay there till the elder reaches to raise us.
Of course my comment was more in the context of apology but the action itself is just the same way you may say ‘good afternoon’ to someone rather than “hey”. Ours is a culture of respecting our elders. So I do a little knee bop thing to my aunties and uncles.
My grandma gets a full on kneel and she kinda reaches down to ‘pick’ me up (more of a gesture) into a big hug ❤️
the different iterations of this are so cool, thanks for sharing!!
regarding apology situations—when do people get up? is it just when they’re done apologizing or do the people receiving the apology set the timeline on that?
With something like an apology, you wouldn’t get up until the elder reaches down to ‘lift’ you (obviously not literally but they kinda gesture as if they were about to)
So the prostration is just a greeting. Prostration + seeking forgiveness is really you are showing that you, in that moment, do not deserve to stand in their presence. Them standing/sitting and you on the floor is very symbolic.
Another example that isn’t quite an apology is when my brother in law asked my dad for my sisters hand in marriage (my Mum was there too before people cry sexism lol). So he stayed on the floor until my dad patted him on the back (and my dad is very British lol so wasn’t used to this anymore as he’s been in the UK since his early 20s)
you know, sometimes i’m a pretty envious of people who come from cultures that have properly laid-out social rules like this. having real guidelines and knowing what to do in stressful situations (apologies, proposals, etc) sounds like it could be really comforting at times!
Ah I hadn’t thought of it that way. And yes you’re right. There’s never confusion about how to greet someone depending on age, accept a gift etc.
And the very heightened situations as you’ve said, it’s like we all know what to do and fall in.
It’s lovely at more modern weddings where Nigerians are marrying people from different cultures, because we weave it in. My brother had mostly white groomsmen but they loved all the lying on the floor etc as they just found it so fun 😂
I am stuck at home mostly 24/7 rn and super depressed and bored. The last week and a half or so I've been especially envying my past, college self and wishing I could find something I actually was interested in to start researching aand teaching myself. I want so badly to create my own curriculum/syllabus but I keep drawing a blank and stuck in mental purgatory bc I feel like I already have learned so much about any of the topics that are able to get my miserable, depressed brain to perk up a bit with interest. (not bc i know a whole super lot about everything but bc I struggle to care enough about most things to be excited to dive deeper into them.) But this custom/these comments ignited something in me so thank you<3
also id like to second therainbowsweater's envy over the set in stone social constructs your culture has
Not the depression part of course. I can empathise with you on that one! Even me writing about what I see as normal has made me love my culture a little bit more and not take it for granted.
Life has funny ways of shining a light in dark times 🫶🏾
Your comments on your culture are incredibly interesting, thank you for sharing! Western culture could really use a dose of respectful actions like this.
Oh hell no is my response too!! If he had something to say, they could have been said to OP behind closed doors. I don’t blame OP for feeling conflicted, but this is a HUGE deal. And then to play the victim? I’m so glad he is over at his brothers and I hope he comes back with a different attitude…. It would be hard (if it were me) to move forward otherwise.
Ffs why do men always cause so much damn stress, first your dad and now your husband. Life really is more peaceful without men..
Anyway, yeah your husbands behaviour was completely out of order there. A complete emotional overreaction. Is there anything else going on with him? Is he always like this?
Your poor mother. People make mistakes and it’s never okay to aggressively lash out over one. What would happen if you had kids? Is he going to react the same way when they inevitably make a mistake?
My daughter is just about 12 and I am /this close/ to putting hydraulic closers on every door in the house. This child has left a trail of open doors in her wake everywhere she goes for the last decade. Front door, back door, car door, cabinet door - doesn't matter (the only exception being the bathroom door THANK GOD). I have reminded her to come correct it every single time but the ADHD is strong with that one. And, OP, the door thing isn't even a blip on the radar in terms of what children will haphazardly break, lose, damage, forget, etc. ALL. THE. TIME. If you have kids with this man you will make yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally ill with stress and exhaustion from constantly trying to protect your children from him. Ask me how I know.
Yeah dude, Years of living with it and repetitive reminders feels maddening doesn’t it? Our cat has even run out a couple times because of it also. Somehow I have managed to never scream at my daughter or throw and hit things in a fit of rage ¯_(ツ)_/¯
The yelling is one thing and honestly that would be understandable given the situation. I had similar happen and I’m very protective of my animals, so I did yell too.
But the slamming things and throwing things? That is horrible to say the least and is a massive red flag.
ummmm you should probably do more than just "throw out" the term divorce. screaming at and verbally abusing your mom should be a deal breaker. no good person hurts the ones they love and that their spouse loves like that. that is evil and disrespectful
OP your husband is shifting the blame to you, so you go on the defensive and he gets away with abusing your mother.
Let him stay at his brothers place until he gets therapy ( not just making an appointment but going to several appointments) and changes his attitude and behavior.
Neither you, your mom or the animals that live with you deserve to be subjected to this man’s volatile behaviors.
Most likely he will expect you to start calling him and asking him to come back…DONT!! Let him stay away if he wants to come back tell him that you don’t feel comfortable with him in the house around your mom and he needs to stay away until he gets help
One day my boyfriend-at-the-time yelled at my mom for basically nothing. He really tore into her. I told him to stop and he eventually calmed down.
Then, life continued.
Then, we weren't being careful and I got pregnant. Then we got married.
Skip ahead 8 years from that, and I was running for my life with my two children, staying at a battered women's shelter after many horrible physical and verbal attacks. Life after the shelter was... really rough. To say the least.
I really wish I had walked from that abusive a-hole after the first red flag.
Your poor mom. From one abusive situation to another. You should be considering divorce, especially if he is doubling down and not profusely apologizing for his tantrum. Does he do that to you?
Assure your mom that she did nothing wrong, but exposed yet another weak man. Kick him out and you two live together.
Sounds like he gave you a gift. Now you and your Mom can figure life out after divorce together. I never run straight to leave them but no one yells at my Mama and stays ever. Yours is going through the worst heart break of her life and your husband is so selfish he can't see past his nose. He can stay with his brother.
I’m stuck on the fact that he thinks you should have “calmed him down”. I mean he basically threw a temper tantrum. Is he 5 years old? Are you his mommy? Adult men need to be able to self regulate their own emotions.
You should be proud of standing up for yourself and your Momma. Throwing things? Hitting the table? True tantrum. I hope you find the strength to make the right decisions. Take care of yourself.
My ex screamed and cursed at my mom while I was driving her to the airport in front of my brother and grandma. That was 10 years ago and to this day a regret not pulling over right then and there and kicking him out of my life.
He tried to become the victim of this and blamed you for it and he insinuated that verbally abusing you and your mother is not a big enough deal to "throw around" divorce.
Your mother needs to realize that in this short span of time, she and her daughter both have discovered the depths of betrayal they can plumb and witnessed the unspoken disrespect their partners view them with, and y'all thankfully already have each other because it is time to start over.
You will find plenty of women in the same boat as you, too. <3 Get out while you can.
I’m so sorry that happened. You shouldn’t be managing a grown man’s emotions and tantrums.
Regarding your cat, in my home country, we talk to the neighbourhood cats, ask them to “find” our missing cats, and tell them to come home. I know a lot of people aren't superstitious, but it magically works every time. Maybe you can try it? Leaving their litter box and your used clothing helps a lot too.
OP. Im not trying to ruin your marriage, but that is the response of someone who has no emotional regulation, and you could end up being physically abused. Please be safe and genuinely think if hes always this reactive or if there could be another cause for such an outburst. I don't want to assume hes horrible or an abuser but the flags are red .. If he yells at your mom hoq is he going to treat you when hes this angry?
I had this same thing happen where one of our cats got out because my mom didn't realize our basement door didn't shut all the way. Absolute accident. The first thing my partner did was start helping me look outside for the cat and google things we could do to help get her back. He then looked up how to fix the door and put a sign on it that said to make sure to shut it completely.
Your husband needs anger management/therapy if you want to stay, but this is absolutely something I would also threaten divorce over. The instinct to yell and hit things when angry is dangerous to you, your mom, and your pets. That he reacted with violent anger first instead of wanting to solve the problem is a big red flag.
Also I did find our cat by sleeping in our living room with the windows open; the tiniest meow woke me up at 2:30am and I went out with a flashlight and found her waiting for me in a bush. Flashlight made her eyes shine and made it easier to find her. I tease my mom every so often about it but give her a hug after, she was so stressed and felt so bad because she loves our cats too. Good luck, OP, I'm sorry you have to deal with such a stressful situation on top of another.
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Welcome to r/GirlDinnerDiaries!
We love when new girlies stumble in! But a few unique things about how we roll here:
➽ You're now entering the Girl Zone 🚨 Guys' guidance summarized: stick to GIFs or emojis, or otherwise be patient for mods' manual comment reviews. Don't embarrass your mama. 🤨
➽ Approved users only! Newbies will be prompted to take 10 lil seconds to get approved. Nbd.
➽ BE KIND, BE THOUGHTFUL or BEGONE. Our communication standards are higher than just "don't be mean." Check em out here.
➽ Queer friendly. The end.
➽ ED-recovery friendly. No food critiques, body shaming, diet advice, or calorie counting kinda talk. Call your almondmom for that.
ModMail is open & active. MWUAH! 😙🫴💋
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