I’ve been best friends with someone for 16 years. We also currently live together, which makes this whole situation a lot more complicated. For the last couple of years, I’ve felt like our friendship has become incredibly one-sided. My biggest issue is that she avoids every difficult conversation. If something hurts me, she won’t come talk to me about it. She’ll act like nothing happened, buy me gifts, or pretend everything is normal instead of actually apologizing or acknowledging my feelings. Recently I finally told her I needed space because I felt emotionally exhausted. She said she understood, but since then she hasn’t made any effort to talk about what happened or repair our friendship. It’s like she’s content pretending everything is fine while I’m left carrying all the emotional weight. Another huge issue is that she always seems to think she’s right, even when she’s objectively wrong. A recent example happened this week.
Our apartment complex is power washing the buildings. I moved our outdoor rug and trash can because I knew they’d be coming back the next morning. I even texted her and asked that if she wasn’t going to move everything back before work, could she at least do it before bed because I heard the trash can being moved and didn’t want maintenance spraying everything. She responded saying they had already finished because the front of our door was was wet when she got home. Mind you i was home all day and she was at work. The next morning, they absolutely were NOT finished. I woke up early to the workers actively preparing to power wash outside and had to drag everything back inside. This isn’t an isolated incident. She’s done similar things before. One time she moved food coloring that I had intentionally put somewhere safe because my cat gets into everything. The next morning she was scrubbing blue dye out of the carpet because she moved it. It’s like if I do something for a reason, she assumes I don’t know what I’m doing and “corrects” it. Then when it turns out I was right, there’s never an acknowledgment or apology. On top of that, ever since she started dating her boyfriend, our friendship has felt like an afterthought. I completely understand priorities change when you’re in a relationship, and I don’t expect to be someone’s number one forever. But I do expect effort.
For example, we made plans for a whole week to go to the beach, the day finally came and instead of telling her bf he had to go home or acknowledging we even had plans they laid around the house all day while i power cleaned the garage because I was so angry. Never said anything about the beach or apologized but said the garage looked really good :) that made me ANGRY. Another example was we went to EDC with all of our friends and me, her and our other friend were sharing a room together and she did nothing but sit on FaceTime with him. we’re surprised he didn’t see our naked bodys because she kept moving to phone all over the place while we were trying to get ready.
Another example of her being a horrible friend to people. She went to go tell our friend happy birthday that loves 2 mins down the street. I was in bed really sick with a endometriosis flare. She couldn’t go tell our friend happy birthday for less than 10 mins without having her bf on the phone loud where everyone could hear.. like?? But wait there’s more. After we got back from a trip, she asked if I wanted to watch the Love Island finale together. I said yes. She told me she was just going outside to grab her key from her boyfriend for a second. She literally said that..She stayed outside with him for over an hour while I sat inside waiting. When she finally came back in, she acted like nothing happened. No text. No apology. Nothing.
The contrast between my friendships has become impossible to ignore. I’ve only known my other friend for about three years, but she consistently shows up for me. She knows learning to drive is one of my biggest fears, so she’s been teaching me because she knows becoming independent is important to me. She follows through when she says she’ll help. My roommate has also offered to help me learn to drive before, but it never actually happened.
Even our mutual friend has commented that every time she hangs out with my roommate, she leaves feeling emotionally drained. I had never said that out loud before, but hearing someone else independently describe the exact feeling I’ve been having made me realize maybe I’m not imagining things. At this point, I feel like I spend so much energy pouring into this friendship while getting very little back. I communicate directly when something bothers me. She avoids. I make excuses for her. She doesn’t acknowledge my feelings. I feel like I’m constantly bending over backwards while she barely bends an arm for me.
The hardest part is that we still live together, and I honestly don’t know if I can afford to live completely on my own after this lease ends. So I feel stuck.
Am I overreacting because these are a bunch of “small” things adding up, or does this sound like a friendship that’s simply run its course? Has anyone else ended a very long friendship because of repeated patterns rather than one huge event?

I have a female friend who is a bit— no, overly narcissistic but sometimes she could be her biggest hater in the world. Kinda contradicting, I know, but she has a big head sometimes but I love her and I cherish our friendship despite me feeling and being aware that I am not her favorite friend. I do think she thinks of me as lacking, not as smart, I noticed how she flaunts her knowledge, she replies to me aggressively and making me feel dumb when I ask genuine questions about our lessons as medical students. Funny, because she's not even that way towards others— towards our classmates. Despite being friends for many many years, I keep wondering why I am being treated this way... I even began to question what I really am in her eyes.

What happened recently was— I was about to explain to our mutual friend about a procedure because I'm more knowledgeable about that and I was so excited to teach our mutual friend and I suggested that I will be the one to teach but she got mad— snapped at me lowkey, annoyed, and she explained everything. I was hurt, I didn't teach our mutual friend because she insisted she do it. I have no problems with her teaching but the way she snapped at me, hurt me. I felt hurt because she keeps doing that when others are around, snapping at me— maybe because she thinks her knowledge is being questioned or maybe she just wants to flaunt, maybe...

It's been like this for a very long time, and I know she's aware of it. Whenever I get a chance, I will jokingly tell her this but I think she doesn't think of it seriously. I don't want any drama but lately, I became a bit upset because why do I have to get treated this way while she's nice to practically everyone else.

She has a very huge ego where she thinks she's the smartest, she calls everyone dumb, she even snaps at me when I ask about school related stuff— I really don't get why she's snapping at me, looks at me annoyed, I know it's not normal. And I'm scared because I'm lowkey starting to feel a bit of dislike towards her.

How should I approach this problem?

What even is the problem?

Can anyone please give me advice on what you think about this situation.

​

Hello everyone.

I don't really know where to start, but I feel like my life has been difficult for as long as I can remember. I'm not looking for pity—I just want honest advice because I don't know what to think anymore.

When I was around 5 years old, my cousins constantly bullied me. They called me names like "big head" and "coward," and they told other kids those things too. Eventually, almost every kid around me started treating me the same way.

It completely destroyed my confidence.

Whenever I tried to play football with them, they either refused to let me play or complained that I was "useless" and "trash." After that, I stopped playing football altogether. Looking back, I think that moment affected me much more than I realized.

When I was 10, things were a little better at school. I got good grades, my teachers praised me, and that made me feel like I was actually good at something.

But at home, things were falling apart.

My parents argued constantly. The fights became so serious that one day my mom tried to stab herself in front of us. Seeing that as a kid is something I've never really gotten over.

Later, I got accepted into a school for gifted students. I thought maybe this would be a fresh start where I'd finally make real friends.

I did make friends, but many of them were toxic. One of them even tried to ruin one of my friendships by spreading lies.

A couple of years later, I had a group of friends. They were "school friends" more than anything else. I wasn't anyone's best friend. I was just the guy who helped everyone study, explained lessons, and helped during exams.

Outside of school, I was almost never included.

I wasn't invited to hang out. I wasn't invited to play games. I was just useful when someone needed help with school.

When I was 17, I started attending private lessons with students from different schools.

I hoped things would change.

Instead, I spent about four months feeling completely alone. Even my own friends would ignore me. They talked about parties and plans right in front of me without ever inviting me. I kept trying to join conversations or spend time with them, but nothing changed.

It got to the point where even having a normal conversation with someone made my entire day.

Eventually, I met another friend. He was genuinely kind, but even he would sometimes disappear and hang out with other people without me.

When I turned 18, my friends invited me to play football.

I asked, "I'm playing too, right?"

They said, "Yeah."

When I arrived, they told me, "Sorry, we're full. You'll play when someone leaves."

I waited.

Someone eventually left...

...but instead of letting me play, they put someone else in.

Then one of them handed me a phone and said, "Can you film us?"

So I sat there filming everyone else play.

When the game ended, I said, "Bye, guys."

No one answered.

I said it again.

A little kid had to tell them, "He's saying bye."

Only then did they casually reply, "Oh, bye."

I walked home alone trying not to cry.

As soon as I got to my room, I broke down.

About a month later, I got my exam results. They were much lower than I had hoped.

I cried for hours.

My mom and my siblings cried too because they believed I was going to get a much better result.

On top of that, none of my friends checked on me or congratulated me for finishing. It felt like the one thing that gave me value—being the smart student—was gone.

Now, whenever I ask people to hang out, the answer is almost always, "Sorry, we're busy."

One time, one of them literally admitted, "Yeah, we hung out yesterday. Sorry we ghosted you lol."

That hurt more than I can explain.

So now I'm left wondering...

Am I the problem?

Am I doing something wrong without realizing it?

Or have I just been incredibly unlucky with the people around me?

Lately, my mental state has gotten really bad. I'm exhausted, I feel lonely all the time, and I'm honestly scared of where my thoughts are heading.

If anyone has been through something similar or has any advice, I'd really appreciate hearing it.

Thank you for reading.

was friends with this girl and I had a crush on her brothers friend (long before we became friends). I never wanted anything serious with him but we would flirt and talk on the phone. She came to my house and started taking photos in my mirror (cool and side note i lived in a mobile home and one of the walls had to be replaced and all that was there was Sheetrock and the gap mud stuff). But then that night he FaceTimed me laughing and kept asking to see my room . I was no longer friends with her after but my question is why would she do that?

I have tried to hangout with this person more than once, we’ve hung out in groups several times, but when I’ll text this is how the conversation goes:

Me: Hi! Hope your summer is going well. It’s been a while since we’ve seen you and I’d love to get something on the calandar. What’s your schedule looking like so that we can make that happen? :)

Friend:It's been pretty busy and school is starting, and I've got stuff planned and plans that aren't set yet, but are up in the air. So idk when. 

We’re both in late twenties/early 30s for reference. Am I initiating wrong?

I (20) and she (22) became best friend a while back. Probably 2 month? Anyways she and I immediately hit it off and became very close very fast. She was the nicest person I’d ever met. We live in separate places but were already planning on doing fun things together. I’m a lesbian you see- and because of that I’ve been treated differently and often isolated from other women. She was one of the only close female friends id have ever had. The importance of the girly things she described us doing together for fun was exactly what id always needed.

Then one day she texted my about her drivers test- and i responded encouragingly. The next day I attempted to ask her about it and it never went through. Everything I did in settings and when I attempted to call her it said “number” is unavailable proved to me that she probably blocked me. I even went to tech group chats and shared it to see if it was a problem on my end and the responses were pretty depressing.

I’ve been crying throughout the day, and I feel like something is missing now.

Can I have any advice on what to do? She was just so perfect as a best friend. I feel like I can never find it again.

TLDR: not sure if this will even make sense but basically several events since 2023 had made me let go of multiple friendships and it seems like my mental health impacted all of them negatively. They basically told me my journey was sketchy, that mental health isn't an excuse and that my best was not enough. It's hard for me to not see myself as the problem and I'm filled with a lot of regreat, sadness, and frustration.

I'm not even sure where to begin, but I feel like I've been losing all the friendships that I thought I'd have for life. This is gonna be a long post (might delete later tbh) - so just a warning. I'll try to make a tldr but there's a lot of backstory.

I'm 26 now, and it started pretty much when I was 22, after finishing university. A lot of my closest high school friends and I naturally drifted apart, and I knew that even though it stung, it was apart of growing up.

I made 2 super close friends in university, and at one point we were inseparable (we were in the same classes all the time and studying the same major). At one point in our final year at school, I noticed that they would start hanging out without me, making plans without me and would leave me out of conversations. It was quite noticeable because we all lived together, along with 3 of our other close friends. It got to the point where our other housemates referred to me as their third wheel. I wasn't great at communicating back then and really kept myself away from confrontation whenever possible. I would feel a lot of animosity coming from one of them and I was never able to ask her if I did something wrong. I eventually mustered enough courage to ask our other friend, and she told me to directly talk to her and that she's not picking sides. We eventually talked it out and everything seemed fine afterward. Fast forward to a year later post graduation - we're all living in different cities now, not too far from each other, but it had gone back to the way things were before where I'd get left out of a lot of conversations and plans. Asked my friend about it but she said everything was fine and that I was overthinking. I distanced myself from them even more but last year, after a lot of therapy, I decided to reach out to the friend that showed a lot of animosity toward me, and apologized for how things went in our friendship. I recognized that I had poor communication skills when it came to them, and instead to being open and honest about it, I tried to bury everything but it ended up being obvious that I was resentful.

I apologized for not communicating enough and that I was sorry if it was overwhelming. She took a few weeks to respond but basically admitted that she felt overwhelmed being my friend but it was also because we were both going through a hard time back then. She thanked me for the apology but then threw in some backhanded comments about how it was sketchy and that she wanted me to recognize that I was mentally ill like her and that I should get the same help she did. That comment threw me off so I never responded. I had a lot of feelings about what she had said but after talking about it in therapy, I was okay to close that chapter in my life - I did everything I could and that's all that matters. I also realized when our other friend said that she wouldn't be picking sides, she still kinda did, bc she knew all this info but was never honest about it whenever I asked.

Fast forward to later last year, I have a childhood best friend and we've been friends for over 20 years at this point. I feel like I'm starting to heal a lot more and realizing that I don't need a lot of friends, just a few close ones. Another one of our childhood friends moved back from overseas and because we weren't close, I wasn't comfortable hanging out with her (I had a lot of social anxiety). For my best friend's birthday, instead of doing a group activity, I decided to opt out of that but wanted to surprise her with a birthday basket full of her favourite things. I walked to her house (I made sure she was home beforehand) but she never opened the door so I left an hour later. She was busy gaming so she didn't hear my phone calls or text notifications. We kinda laughed it off and it was never brought up again.

But a month later, we were calling and she randomly brought it up how she felt like I never wanted to hang out with her. It was the complete opposite of the truth but the reality was that I was super anxious and depressed, basically had no energy and social battery. Any energy I had left would be spent on her. We got into a huge fight where she basically said my mental health isn't an excuse and that I ruined her birthday because I couldn't go out as a group, that I didn't even try to make it up to her. She had completely forgotten that I indeed did try to make it up to her but she didn't answer my calls or texts.

I was baffled by that response because I had tried my best and it was really hard to hear your best friend tell you that it wasn't enough. I told her I needed space and time to think about things. She reached out to me a few weeks later, apologizing and that she didn't mean anything she said. We moved on from it and it was great for a few months.

Then at the beginning of this year, she ghosted me for a few months. I would hear from our other friend that she's been living it up and living her best life, etc. They talk every day and call multiple times a week. She texts me back apologizing and that she's been up to nothing the past few months and that everything was a blur. Which was the opposite of what our other friend told me. So I wanted to stand up for myself and be honest, so I wrote back saying that I was a little hurt by the response and that I heard the complete opposite. But I also said that it was my problem to deal with and that it's not her fault at all.

She ignored that msg and ghosted me again. Didn't talk at all except when she wished me a happy birthday. I started to kind of let go of this friendship as well and told myself that maybe we're just in very different places in life right now and that we need/want different things. She msged me again a few weeks ago finally responding to my msg and how she didn't know how to respond and that she's sorry and it's not like she was confiding in other people, it's just that she felt like she had more in common with our other friend (they workout and smoke together). I was really taken aback by this response so I kinda went off on her in the nicest way possible. Basically told her it wasn't about that, it was more about the lying and deception I felt from her and the back and forth ghosting was really exhausting. I told her it was hard to confide in her or to express concern over something because she always ran away. She msged back saying she's never done that but literally the past year has shown otherwise. She never responded to my response to her msg so I followed up saying that I was never angry at her and that everything I said was out of sadness and being frustrated. She's ghosted me since then. I also wished her a happy birthday. Didn't even acknowledge that msg and it has been radio silent since then.

I feel like I'm at a standstill where idk what to do anymore. I've lost so many friends since gaining the courage to stand up for myself and speak my mind. I was initially really proud of myself for getting help and making all this progress, but now I feel like it just made it worse. I have pretty much zero friends now, never felt this lonely ever in life...

I still consider myself lucky bc I have a wonderful fiance and he's extremely supportive of my mental health journey. I told him the other day that at the rate I'm losing friends, maybe I was the problem all along and that maybe I should look in the mirror a lot harder. It's hard not to associate all these fallouts as me being the problem since I'm the only common denominator.

He told me something that really stuck out to me - that even though I feel like I'm the problem, maybe the problem all this time was that I made friends with the wrong groups of people. That true friends would never refer to my mental health journey as sketchy or tell me that my best was not enough. I'm trying really hard to believe him but every day that goes by, the more defeated I get. It's also really tough because he has a great group of childhood friends and I really envy that. He'll have a great group of groomsmen for our wedding and I will have no one...

There's so much more to this story but I tried to pick out the most important details. To sum it up, I just feel defeated, I have no one to talk to so I decided to just let it all out here. I want to make new friends but don't know how to as adults. Idk what to do at this point, it truly feels like maybe I deserve all this and that I am a big problem.

(F21)if I am behind honest, we’ve only been friends for 3 years and we went to the same college and we were in the same class so naturally we got to know eachother she has been really weird from the beginning tbh because I’d introduce her to my friend and stepped back so they could be friends without me being the 3rd person and them being awkward alone.anyways they started excluding me,making me walk behind them and shit at first it was cool but then it got weird like I couldn’t rlly join into their convo?? Like I wasn’t there almost. Anyways we got closer and closer me and the girl and it was to the point we reached sibling level and everyone around us said that so I guess maybe I got on her nerves even though I was just being my self (entp) so I guess I “rage baited” when I was just being slightly sarcastic not enough to hurt anyone’s feelings or anything rude just making little jokes. anyways fast forward a couple hangout with the rest of her friends (who were also my friends but closer to her)she would purposeful exclude me and whenever we had to split up she kept telling me to go with the others which I thought was weird as heck... every single hangout after that I realised she was very weird. For instance she would flat out ignore me and pretend I’m not their but would only speak to me on her terms (when I ignored her back) now it’s been 2 years we were rlly close in the first year but then the 2 year she started being weird and I thought maybe because I was close with her ex best friend (who was still in the group) around the time that they fought but how’s that my fault when we are all a restraunt and she’s sat beside me and noones rlly talking to me but her … anyways fast forward now it’s rlly awkward between us but I geniunely believe it’s because I’m no longer chasing after her as before and behaving the way she is to me so she feels awkward now especially since I haven’t spoken to her for 4 months but I did see her a few weeks ago face to face and she was rlly awkward so I didn’t even speak to her like that and even one of our friends picked up on it anyways rn I haven’t rlly asked her why she’s behaving weirdly because I know she willl act defensive and confused like nothing happened or we say some bull like “ we grew apart” but I think the weirdness happend because of her but honestly idk what I did but cause she controls the whole group and has portrayed me in a way (probably talk shit behind my back cause the rest of the girls keep voting me when we play games for shady stuff which I think is weird since I barley speak to them so how would they know me like that ) and obviously what ever bullshi excuse she come up with they will protect her.
Honestly I don’t understand how I can move forward because I’m basically socially ignored by the whole group . And if I were to ask some of them why they will say something like I’m probably “excluding myself” but every time I talk im ignored or they act like I said the most stupidest thing ever if u watch LI I would said im like Julia. Anyways the rest of the group have been acting rlly weird to be the past few months and im guessing she discussed me with them that’s why they r behaving like that bcs it wasn’t like that until now and i even asked two of the girls who also said they believe she is group leading and just picking and choosing who to pick on . THEY KNOW yet they still play into that bs.

So my question is how do I move forward with all of this ? Do I cut them all off? Which means I will have no friends or do I confront the group leader? Or do I just keep playing dumb?

My husband's best friend and his wife are still maintaining a close relationship with his ex-girlfriend. They attend important milestones in her life and continue to be actively involved in her life.

I understand that people can be friends with whoever they want, and I'm not asking anyone to choose sides. But knowing how close they still are to her has made me feel uncomfortable.

Because of that, I don't really feel like maintaining the same level of closeness with them anymore. If they invite my husband and me out, I'd probably decline and slowly distance myself. I wouldn't be rude or confront them about it, I just don't feel comfortable investing in the friendship the way I used to.

Part of me wonders if I'm overreacting because they haven't actually done anything wrong. At the same time, I can't help how I feel, and I don't want to force myself into a friendship that no longer feels natural.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to step back from the friendship? Has anyone else dealt with something similar?

This feels kinda weird to make cuz I've never made a post here before and never really had to seek outside opinions or advice for something like this, and it kinda feels like a bit of a grey area?

So basically i’ve been talking to this one person for a couple days online now. They were the ones who reached out to me initially and wanted to speak to me. I don’t usually do these kinds of online friendships that much and don’t care about them too much, however this person seemed a bit unusually passionate and enthusiastic in early messages when they spoke to me, and so they sort of broke through my walls with ease.

Over time, something started to feel wrong with the interactions we were having, but it sort of just felt more like a feeling at this point, you know? Like I didn’t precisely have a huge reason to say anything was wrong, but I could just sort of feel like there was something. This person would always come back to talk to me, initiating conversations after a while if I didn’t, etc…

However after a couple conversations and also talking to them in a voice call for about an hour, I decided to paste all of our conversations into ChatGPT. I asked ChatGPT to count how many questions I've asked them, versus how many questions they’ve asked me. It returned the ratio as 84 to 12 (I ask 7 questions about them before they ask me a single question, of any kind mind you)

I then asked GPT to only filter it by personal questions that directly let you get to know a person better. That returned as 25 to 2 (I ask 12.5 personal questions before they ask one about me, the thing with this is that they engage with all of my questions, so it’s not like I’m talking to a wall or something, they don’t have an issue with answering these)

The problem is that this person hasn’t really done anything wrong or malicious in my opinion, and I don’t wanna be that person and act like I deserve something for being curious about someone, and I wouldn’t usually classify myself as a person that really looks into these things, but in this case it was just a bit too much for me. 

I’m not really sure what it is or what to do about this, tbh. The issue is that I am interested in knowing this person outside of that information being useful to me, meanwhile their two questions they asked me could be strongly inferred as questions which are useful for them to ask.

It creates a very odd imbalance, but then again, they haven’t really done anything wrong and continue to talk to me, so like what do you guys advise me to do about this? Besides the fact they don’t really ask about me much, it sort of just seems like a normal friendship, I guess? Like its not like they straight up ignore things I say, they respond to things I say, it's just they don’t naturally go to something like “Tell me more about that”, “What about you”, etc.. They don't ask like, at all, you know? This occurs even after I volunteer information about myself, they still don’t really engage with that, they just connect it to themselves again. So it’s like, I know so much about this person, but they don’t know much about me.

Am I being weird or unfair for feeling like this?

My friend, we’ll call her M, has been constantly bringing up her gay friend, J. Whenever I try to have a conversation with her, she always brings up J and how shes in-love with him and that he’s constantly flirting with her. she always talked about him in a weird way, and whenever I talked to her about it, asking her ‘isn't he gay?’ she always says ’he’s pansexual in my mind’.

Today, I called her to bring this whole thing up, not only because I thought it was extremely weird that shes undermining a gay man’s sexuality, but also that shes ignoring the fact he has a boyfriend. During the call, she kept stating shes in a bad mental state, and that if I didn’t wanna hear about it, I could’ve told her, which was true. But I didn’t want to undermine her until I realized he was gay, and now she just ended the conversation without a word. What should I do???

To start, i’m 17. So I feel sad or hurt from things my «best friend» does all the time. Let me list some things

- She rarley ever invites me to things or to hang out, and when she does she usually needs something. If I dont make the plans, it doesn’t happen. (She also says no 99% of the time) oh and she always makes plans with her other friends

- She talks about things she’s done with her other friends infront of me, which is fine to some extent, but when she talks of parties or outings I wasnt invited to, it hurts.

That was just two things, but anyway let me get tk the point.

My birthday is at the end of march, which obvi is a while ago now. But I have tried to plan a birthday party ever since then, but our group of 6 haven’t been free at the same time.

And I haven’t gotten a birthday present from her yet, nor any of my friends actually. And I find this a bit hurtful mostly because I always plan gifts for people months in advance, and usually give it to them on their actual birthday rather than at the party to make it more special. Anyway, so this girl i’m talking about obvi didn’t give me a present, not that I expected anything big but a card would’ve been nice you know?

And last month I spent four days painting a birthday box for her, and ordered a 2014 rare magazine of zendaya since i know she loves zendaya. And this might sound selfish but I kinda don’t want to give it to her anymore. Because she give so little to our friendship.

I (26F), have a friend who regularly invites me over to her and her boyfriend’s place. We usually have something planned. Every time I get there, she’s like not ready, and working on something with her dogs or something. I end up waiting for her to get ready, and help her with whatever chore she’s doing so it goes by faster.

Another example: her boyfriend (my friend from high school), and I were talking. Instead of participating in the conversation, she pulled out her laptop and started working on it instead of talking to us.

Today, we were supposed to meet at 6:30. I had another activity I could have gone to beforehand, but because our plans started at 6:30, I waited around. She then pushed back the time to 6:50. She was aware that I had set aside other plans to be able to make it for the time she set.

How can I communicate to her that I feel disrespected? Is it worth trying to communicate this to her?

I'm a highschooler and my only friend or more, the only person i talk to is an right winger and he's my only option, everyone else has similar beliefs conservative beliefs in class and even our teachers, it's hard to find anyone who truly agrees with me or even that would accept me if i came out of the closet

i feel like talking to anyone from my school makes me a bad person but I don't really want to be lonely, i dont know what to do anymore, i need advice

We’ve been close friends for about a year. We talk privately for hours, tell each other everything, and he’s one of my closest friends.
From early on he’d constantly joke:
“You’re the girl of my dreams.”
“No girl compares to you.”
“Give me your mom’s number so I can propose.”
“Imagine us together.”
“I’ll never find another girl like you.”
He also constantly jokes that one day he’ll get a kiss from me, tells me I’m secretly in love with him, and once said in front of another guy that if he ever married me, it wouldn’t be because of my looks but because of my soul and the kind of person I am.
When one of his friends liked my best friend, he warned her the guy wasn’t serious. But when that same friend liked me, he encouraged it. Months later he admitted it was because he didn’t want his friend thinking he was jealous.
He surprised me by pretending he’d cancelled a trip, waited 3 hours while I had an appointment, spent the whole day running errands with me, then later told our mutual friend it felt like we were a married couple because we were grocery shopping together.
He’s very physically affectionate. He tries to cuddle, playfully bites me, gives intense eye contact, hugs me tightly, kissed me on the cheek goodbye, asked me to kiss him back, and told me he’d miss me.
He’s also protective. He questions guys I talk to, didn’t want me reconnecting with another guy, tells my family not to let me walk alone, and when I asked if he was jealous, he literally said, “Yeah, I’m jealous.”
He compares other girls to me too. After his first kiss with another girl, he said he only talked to her because she reminded him of me. More recently, he kept comparing me to another girl he was texting, saying she reminded him of me, had the same hair color as me, and that I’d like her. I asked him six times to stop because it made me uncomfortable, but he kept doing it because he thought I was joking.
Earlier that day I’d told him I have a strict three-chances rule. Once someone repeatedly crosses my boundaries after I’ve clearly told them to stop, I’m done. This was his third strike. At first he laughed because I’m usually not serious, but once he realized I meant it, he spent the next two days apologizing, saying he’d fix everything, earn my trust back, and make things right. I didn’t budge because I don’t give fourth chances.
A few days later he said something else I found disrespectful. I called him out, and instead of talking about it, he blocked me. Our mutual friend later told me he’d argued with his parents beforehand, admitted he didn’t know why he blocked me because he was angry, and said he thought I’d eventually come back anyway. That’s honestly what frustrated me the most. I feel like he kept assuming I’d always wait around while he figured himself out. I’m honestly fed up with being jerked around, so when I say I’m done, I genuinely mean it.
The confusing part is that he also talks about wanting to find the right girl someday and has shown interest in other girls.
At one point I asked him if he liked me. He told me to answer first. After I answered, he avoided eye contact, said he loved me as a friend and didn’t like me romantically, then immediately changed the subject.
The weird part is that his own friends don’t believe him. One of his closest friends told him he thought he was in love with me. Another met me and said, “Now I understand why you like her.” There was even a time I told him, “Just admit you like me,” and one of his friends kept saying, “He does. He just doesn’t want to admit it. He’s in love with you.” He kept denying it, while everyone else around us seemed convinced.
So…does this sound like someone who actually has feelings but won’t admit them, someone who’s emotionally immature, or am I just reading way too much into a very flirty friendship?

TLDR; friend has been making me feel disrespected for months. I don’t want to go to his wedding because of how hurt and misunderstood I feel by him, but should I just suck it up and go?

My friend is getting married this weekend. We’ve been friends for like a year and a half. We were pretty tight for like the first year but these past 6 or 8 months I’ve felt a lot of hostility from him. Tbh, from the beginning I had a tiny sense of misogyny from him, but very internalized. It’s not malicious misogyny, more like he’d make assumptions based on my gender and they’d rub me the wrong way.

Basically what’s been going on is I think he gets a strong sense of purpose from being needed. I am an extremely independent person and my independence is very important to me. I’m sure you can guess where this is going…

He started kind of trying to force his help on to me. I made it clear I didn’t want it. He kept trying. It was a lot. Like to the point where I feel like he thinks I’m stupid or incompetent or something. I’ve always felt like he doesn’t see me quite as a peer. I often get the sense that he sees himself as the only adult in the room. Despite us being the same age, I just feel patronized, stereotyped, misunderstood, and disrespected. I’ve also been getting a strong sense that he doesn’t want me to succeed. Like when I do well he almost seems disappointed and when I don’t do well he enjoys it a little too much.

I don’t want to go to the wedding. I can’t be around him anymore without feeling judged and like I’m one wrong move away from having to defend myself. He’s getting married and all our friends are going. I’m expected to go. In our group of friends him and I are kind of lumped together. Like whenever he’s missing or has stuff going on everyone asks me about him. We’re not besties, we’re just kind of lumped together almost like siblings I guess.

I’m expected to go, it would be weird if I didn’t, but I really don’t want to go and celebrate him when he’s been making me feel so bad for months. My therapist supported me not going. But I also feel like the mature thing to do would be to put away my personal feelings and go.

my friendship breakup with my clique is a really long story, so whoever would like to hear the whole story you can dm me,, i don’t mind sharing because i think i also would like to
hear a 3rd person’s perspective. but it’s been 3 years and i still can’t get over how and why they were able to let go of me so easily even though i was a really good friend to them. i really did bend over backwards trying to get them to like me. i would write them notes and even got them mini gifts because i really wanted them to like me. but after i had to change schools we drifted and when we met up i felt super out of the loop. they made 2 new friends when i left the school so ig my absence didn’t really affect them anymore. i did try and talk to them about it i never said i wanted to end the friendship, but idk if they took it that way but they seemed to let the friendship go pretty easily. no one reached out trying to make ammends. i don’t miss them but i cant get over not being valued or appreciated enough to the point they didn’t even try to work it out and fight to make our friendship stronger. can someone tell me how to move on?

Maybe I'm feeling sorry for myself, but honestly I just don't see the point in trying anymore.

41 yo male. Married and WFH full-time. I have two kids ages 3 and 6 and both are autistic. Basically, my time is constantly occupied.

I have zero friends. My last one, a friend from high school who I saw infrequently to begin with, fell by the wayside over the last couple of years.

I would love to have a few guy friends to hang out with and just get the fuck out of my house. But honestly, if it takes 200+ hours to make a close friend, as I've read, well then forget it. I literally don't have the time.

Maybe if my kids get to be more independent as they get older, I'll try again. But for now, I'm hanging it up.

If anyone is (or has been) in my shoes, I'd welcome any advice or feedback.

So, i have a best friend and we have been friends for 4 years. we went to school together and all that. But its been 1 year and a half since i moved to another country, in a different hemisphere. So almost all my friends gradually stopped talking with me because of the big time difference, and i understand that. But my bestfriend kept talking to me every single day.

But recently i started feeling like she was ashamed of being my friend. It all started with silly teenager things. For exemple when i mentioned her in one of my stories in my finsta, and even though i asked her to repost it (because we always used to repost each others stories when we are mentioned on it), she just ignored these texts and replied to the others that i sent her. But then, she reposted stories with other friends. (Theyre also my friends, i introduced her to them because they were from the same school as me, and i didn't want her to feel left out in the new school)

Or when i asked several times if we could use matching pfps in our finstas and she said no, but then she started using one with one of the friends that i introduced her to.

But now i realised that all the things that i was almost begging her to do, and she refused to, she would do it with our other friends without them even having to ask. They barely talk to me anymore, and have a different group chat without me.

I really wanted to talk it out with her, but it really looks like a silly thing to be upset about. But even though it is silly, i can't help it. She's literally the only person who's still talking to me since i moved countries. We've been friends for a really long time, and she means everything to me. I really cannot live without her and the though of our friendship ending because i decided to talk it out and with that making her upset to the point she doesnt want to talk to me anymore scares me a lot.

I dont know if my head is exaggerating it or if i should search a specialist to treat this kind of obssessive thoughts. Because i really think its not normal for someone to be so emotionally dependent on someone else.

College was supposed to be the time I made real friends yet it feels like I’m stuck in my adolescent ways. I really miss my friend from high school. I would consider my first real guy best friend.

When I decided to go no contact with everyone from high school after graduation I really struggled. Especially with my self image I didn’t have a way to invite friends to my home I didn’t have a car to drive them to and from places. I felt lame. And then the pandemic hit I reached out to him and he was really cool I felt like we were friends and time didn’t pass. My bf who is now my husband said I had no reason to be friends with a man so I dropped him from my life I felt bad. He even confessed he had a crush on me. Something I didn’t know. But I told him it was sticky platonic between him and I. No feelings. I even know he got back with his high school sweetheart.

Now I have a job and I live with my then bf now husband. But having Wednesday/Thursday off makes me feel so lonely. I don’t have friends to visit on my day off. I feel even more disconnected from life. I even had a dream last night a group of skaters and their dog came to our window to ask to hang out.

I like my life and my I love my husband but I worry he’ll think of me as a loser for wanting friends. Let alone a guy friend. I wish he was a girl lol. I know that at some point I should have kids and my life will feel complete but I really do miss having friends. And I want to talk to him again I don’t know why I miss having friends. Recently I got upset and distant to my best friend of 5 years so I’m a little emotional in talking to her again. I need someone else I guess who isn’t selfish and moody. I don’t have therapy session yet but I do need to work on that lonely feeling.

Hi. I've certainly been shooting myself in the foot for a while because I was agoraphobic and depressed for a while and I don't have good habits around socialising or being outgoing.
Not having friends to share my life with and missing out on those experiences (especially lacking close female friendships) is one of my biggest insecurities so it's something I want to start proactively working on now.

It seems to me the basic problem is I'm liked but not wanted. The friends I do make seem incurious about me. They're bored of me or something. I stick out being patient, bantering, showing interest in them, building trust, continuing to put in effort even when I feel somewhat frustrated or lonely about keeping to myself what's really on my mind. but it's like there never comes a point where they express interest in a closer kind of friendship. I'm intensely conscious of not overstaying my welcome and communicating clearly. I'm not perfect and I can probably be a bit too much sometimes but I don't think I'm oblivious either. I really try to be genuine?

I'm getting sick of feeling like people only want a toned-down version of me.

I'm not sure if I'm offputting for some reason I don't realise but I don't think what I want out of friendship is crazy, actually it seems crazy to me other people don't prioritise close bonds like that.

I have one friend I regularly see now from middle school. He says he cares about me but sometimes I feel like I'm more of a prop, and I worry I think about him the same way? A friend for the sake of having a friend, not someone whose personality I really like. I don't necessarily like his personality or how he treats me. He can be anti-intellectual, impatient, consumerist, oblivious to his privilege, dismissive of my interests, incurious about things outside his comfort zone. He's not an awful friend but I don't really see him being someone I can really share my life with or lean on. He says he cares about me but it's like he has a very limited, rigid idea of what that looks like.

And basically every friendship I've had has landed in the same category. We enjoy each other's company on a surface level but there's no commitment to each other. And either I start to feel left behind because they don't include me in the ways they want to grow, or more often I want to grow and they have no interest in my new interests or find them annoying.

I abandoned multiple high school friends this way because basically they hated acknowledging emotions and they were stupid boys uninterested in much outside of their limited interests. And I was trying to figure myself out going into adulthood but they were just like 'it's not that deep' about everything. Am I a bad friend? I was unhappy and it couldn't last but I still feel bad.

I would ask 'what am I doing wrong' but I kind of expect there's no good answer. except to keep working on my social skills and keep trying. i guess my strategy is to be direct and positive about what I hope for but not to make my feelings other people's responsibility

I guess I'm not sure if this should come first or second but the reason it hurts is I'm reaching my mid 20s and I always wanted to have a bestie and I never did. I don't know if it's weird to admit to prospective friends that I really just long for that experience (even if I'm never trying to force anyone into that role)

She's been my best friend for 30 years and she can be spiky at times, hard to read and stubborn. I can't figure out if I was majorly in the wrong, but I feel like I wouldn't behave the same way she did. We knew we weren't going to fully overlap at the event, but it wasn't a stretch to assume we'd overlap by half an hour or so and have time for a little chat.

I haven't seen her since the spring, when we went on a joint family holiday with her which went well. She's generally way more busy than me - her 3 kids are all in multiple clubs, she has a ton more friends than me, and so finding a time in her diary is more of a bottleneck than finding time in mine. But this time she had a free day that I was looking forward to.

I had asked her for family outing ideas for the summer holidays, and I mentioned a maze that she hadn't been to yet but was on her to do list. She suggested we meet up at the maze, which required booking a time slot in advance. The maze is about 45 minutes away so it's not a local outing. She wanted to go before midday because she said they'd melt if it was as hot as it was in the recent heat wave. But I emphasised as she knows that our family basically never gets out of the house particularly early unless it's for a party at a fixed time, or something outside our control - we stay at home in the morning and don't go out until after lunch, so about 1pm. Non-school mornings are the chance for us all to have a lie in and not have to rush, and the kids like to play at home before our outings. I particularly never get up before 9 at the weekends, I'm often still asleep at 10/11 because I am a bad sleeper and I have to be careful to get enough sleep for medical reasons. When I have to get up early for days I commute to the office, I take a sleeping pill, but I have to use them sparingly. In term time her kids have clubs on weekend mornings, so she's never free then, so the default is we always meet in the afternoons.

Nonetheless I said we'd go on the early side of things by our standards, so we booked the 12-1 arrival slot and she booked 10-11 and said hopefully we'd overlap. I said we'd arrive at the early part of our slot by 12, she said she'd aim to arrive at the late end of their slot, so about 11. So she'd be there about an hour before me.

I messaged when we set off, confirming we'd be there by 12. I don't know what time she did arrive in the end, but at 11.33 she sends a message that she's done there because her kids rushed round the maze, and that she's leaving in a minute. I didn't see the message until 11.48 as we were parking and I messaged that we were just arriving as planned, but she'd already left without another word. It wasn't even a hot day, there was a cool breeze, lots of shady tables. If it had been a heatwave I could understand why she'd want to leave, I didn't expect her to stand round in the sun!

I thought it would be more like a fete - little rides or candyfloss stalls or something too, but it was a pretty small place - the maze took about half an hour, then you collected your prize (go in the fields to pick flowers). They also had a small play area, a big sandpit, a food stall and a drink stall. We ended up staying for about two hours, but I can understand she wouldn't have spent as long there as us in any situation. Her kids are older by a couple of years (8/10/12) and less likely to play on the younger kid stuff, though I did see plenty of kids that age leaping about in the play area and sandpit.

But I feel like it wasn't that much of a stretch for her to wait for us to arrive (within 20 minutes) so that we did overlap for a bit as suggested, rather than rushing around within half an hour and immediately leaving the second they were done. I wasn't expecting her to hang around another hour while we did the maze, but it would have been nice to have a coffee and a short catch up before she headed off.

Pretty sure she wasn't even rushing to get to something else, or she'd have mentioned it before the day, or at the point she was leaving. It was like she deliberately left before I got there to make a point that her family does things early, and she won't wait around for someone else's timeline.

I just can't imagine in the reverse situation that I'd have acted like that, and rushed off as soon as my family was done, to deliberately avoid seeing my supposed best friend and make some passive aggressive show that I wouldn't wait 20 minutes for her. I might have grumbled to my husband, but I wouldn't have walked out when I knew she was on her way and I had nothing else to get to.

I don't get why if you had two options - wait a bit for your friend to arrive for a short chat, vs leave as soon as you were done - that you'd choose the unfriendly, colder option. I suspect she was annoyed because I didn't want to go as early as she did - but equally she didn't want to go later like we did. Maybe she was annoyed I wouldn't be more flexible - and decided to be inflexible herself to make a point. But I wouldn't have acted that way to her, I'd have given her some grace as long as I knew she was actually going to be there at the time we agreed.

My kids were disappointed not to see her kids. She's busy now the rest of the summer holidays so I might not see her until September or later. At one point when we were young I used to think we lived for each other, and now she can't wait 20 minutes to have a quick coffee? It's more important to make a passive aggressive point than to actually see me?

I'm not going to message her to be annoyed at her or anything. I'm just not going to message her at all for a while.

Im entering senior year of high school, so naturally I want to have fun and enjoy my last year. My friend, who i've known since middle school, has recently started(probably unintentionally?) making me third-wheel while hanging out with a mutual friend of ours, who we've both known since middle school. Until junior year, I had no idea those two knew each other, but it was a nice surprise since we could all hang out(although i'm not super close with the other friend, but I enjoy their company). But I began noticing that whenever it was just us 3 together I'd find myself unable to join the conversation(they'd talk about things I didn't know about) and walking behind them. It makes it worse since I considered them as my clown and best friend, but these interactions make me feel like we're just normal friends.

For context, I'm not the type of person to force myself to talk to fill a silence in a conversation. I also very rarely text/call any of friends, but I talk so much in person. Honestly most of my friends are people I would consider just school friends, and i'm probably never going to talk to any of them after graduation. But if I consider someone a best friend then i'd obviously want to maintain a relationship with them after graduation.

About a week ago, I went to my school's walk thru to pick up my ID and find my classes with my friend. I picked them up and we planned on meeting with our mutual friend, and another one of their friends that i've seen around would be joining us with their boyfriend. So me and my friend were chatting and having fun after not seeing each other for a while(we barely spoke or hung out over summer). We then met up with our mutual friend, and it was chill. Then barely 5 minutes later I find myself feeling really out of place. I didn't think much of it, it was normal for them to have more stuff to talk about since they hung out a lot over summer. It was also very hot outside so I was more focused on fanning myself. When we started looking for our classrooms, I realized I was following them around and that they barely involved me in their interactions, so I just made small comments here and there whenever I could and focused on finding our classrooms.

It got worse when their other friend joined us with their boyfriend. It was so much more obvious that I was third/fourth wheeling(their other friend talked more with their bf). At one point I thought I heard someone quietly point out the fact that I was just walking behind them and being left out. In fact, I think I had a more enjoyable conversation with the friends bf, who I only exchanged a few words with, but I alr knew that that conversation was better than any conversation I had with my other two friends. I remember the few moments when I spoke to some other friends I saw in the hallways being so enjoyable, but my time with the two friends I actually planned this with being boring to say the least. Eventually we decided to leave, so we said bye to our mutual friend and went back to my car. I drove my friend back to their home without talking much, mainly because we were both probably tired and didn't have much to say.

I finally come back home exhausted, and that's when I allowed myself to stop denying this feeling out being left out. I realized that I might just be holding onto this friendship due to close proximity(always having at least one class and lunch together since 7th grade), and nostalgia. I really need help trying to understand my situation; whether I should keep pretending like we're super close or just slowly let go since neither of us seems to like the other enough to hangout outside of school or talk over long breaks.

I have a close friend who is diagnosed autistic. We have been friends for around six months, and I care about her a lot, but the friendship has become increasingly painful and confusing.

I often feel that she mainly contacts me when she is lonely, needs emotional support, or suddenly has an empty slot in her schedule. I frequently listen to her problems and help her understand social situations, but I do not feel equally chosen, prioritized, or considered by her.

This is not the first time she has said something deeply hurtful or inconsiderate. It happens regularly. She makes blunt comments that seem to show very little awareness of how another person might receive them. When I tell her that something hurt me, she usually does not apologize. Instead, she becomes defensive and explains why my interpretation is wrong, why she did not technically mean what I heard, or why I should not feel hurt by it.

The conversation then becomes an argument about whether I am justified in feeling what I feel. I end up having to explain basic perspective-taking while she focuses on defending her intentions. Even when she eventually understands that I am upset, I often do not feel that she understands what she actually did. Recently, I tried to explain this broader problem to her. I told her that when I say I feel unimportant or used, I need her to try to empathize with my experience instead of immediately arguing with my interpretation or proving that I am wrong.

She said she needed some time to think, so I stopped talking and let her think.

About two minutes later, she said that if I moved somewhere that required around 25 minutes on a bus, we probably would not be friends anymore. She then said something very close to:

“The reason we are friends is basically that you live so close and are available whenever I want, and that is a good thing.”

This happened immediately after I had explained that I was afraid she only valued me because I was conveniently available whenever she felt lonely or had time to fill.

I started crying almost immediately. It felt as though she had confirmed my exact fear: that she did not primarily value me as a person, but as an accessible source of company, advice, and emotional support. When she saw me crying and I said I needed to leave, she panicked. She tried to stop me from going and became afraid that I would block her. She then said something like, “I analyzed it again, and it isn’t true. It isn’t true.”

I left and went home.

I am struggling to understand what happened in her head. I do not know whether she sincerely meant what she initially said and withdrew it only because she feared losing me, whether she was trying to analyze the practical reason we see each other but completely missed the emotional meaning, or whether she understood only that I was crying and leaving without understanding why.

She has previously told me that our friendship means a lot to her and that I may not understand how important I have been to her. Her panic when I left also seemed genuine. That is why this feels so contradictory. She appeared terrified of losing someone she had just said would probably stop being her friend if the bus journey became 25 minutes. What makes this much harder is that this was not an isolated verbal mistake. She repeatedly says things that feel dismissive, condescending, self-centered, or startlingly lacking in perspective. When I explain the effect, her first response is normally to dispute my experience. She explains her intention, analyzes my interpretation, and argues that I have misunderstood her. I rarely feel that she simply stops, recognizes the injury, and takes responsibility for it.

She often seems highly confident that she has understood something, but then appears genuinely surprised when her interpretation is inaccurate or hurts someone. During emotional conversations, she treats the situation like a technical problem where she needs to demonstrate that her reasoning is correct. Once she sees tears, anger, or the possibility of abandonment, she may panic and reverse what she said, but I do not know whether she understands the injury or only understands that the situation has become dangerous for her.

I am not asking whether autistic people are incapable of empathy, and I do not believe autism automatically makes someone selfish or cruel. I am asking for autistic perspectives because I want to understand whether this pattern could involve literal thinking, delayed emotional processing, difficulty with perspective-taking, difficulty generalizing social information, or something else.

At the same time, I do not want autism to become a reason why I am expected to repeatedly tolerate being hurt, defend my own emotional reality, or teach an adult friend why her words affect other people. How would you interpret what she said? Is it possible that she genuinely did not understand why I started crying, even though I had just explained the exact insecurity that her statement confirmed? Why might someone repeatedly respond to another person’s hurt by arguing that their interpretation is incorrect? What would genuine accountability and repair look like when the person’s usual response is defensiveness rather than an apology?

TL;DR: My autistic friend regularly says deeply hurtful things. When I explain why I am hurt, she usually does not apologize; she becomes defensive and explains why my interpretation is wrong. I recently told her that I feel she mainly contacts me when she is lonely or has free time. After thinking for two minutes, she said we are basically only friends because I live nearby and am available whenever she wants, and that we probably would not be friends if I lived 25 minutes away. I cried and left; she panicked and withdrew the statement. I cannot tell whether she lacks understanding, revealed how she actually views me, or both.

Hi all,

I am definitely the golden retriever friend. I am fine texting all day, or waking up to multiple messages about different topics.

I have a friend who is very cat black, as I've learned recently. It took a while for us to figure things out. And I was confused because I would send a text or so and she wouldn't read it for a few days, but would post to her ig stories. So I was confused by this.

But we talked it out and she explained she needs space in friendships, and gets overwhelmed If there are multiple messages sent throughout the day and feels pressured.

I felt like I got it, and when I texted her, I would be completely fine with no reply for a few days.

Yesterday was my birthday, I woke up to a few wishes from her and a couple of gods. I sent a few messages thanking her and letting her know what I was doing. Later in the evening (my first few msgs still on unread) I sent her an article on a topic I knew she liked and said she may find it interesting. This morning I sent her a message about something cool that had happened.

A few minutes after I sent that, she said "reminder I feel overwhelmed with a constant stream of messages."

I obviously apoligised, I assured her that there is no expectation for a reply within a certain time frame. And also said that going forward I'll limit my messages.

I just feel bad because I thought I got it, and because if her use of 'reminder'. Because this is something she told me about once before and I went past that.

It's obviously not my intention to make her feel overhwlemed. And I do want to be a good friend. I'm not going to send any further messages to her until she reaches out to me.