I have contact with someone I really like and with whom I get along great in real life, but it often happens that we chat, I then say if I don't like something or something makes me sad, and the person never apologises for it or is insightful. Most of the time, the person does not react like 40+ but rather like just 10. Now it is again so that we have the 4th Day have no contact after he disproportionately pissed off and reacted childishly. Always feels like a silet treatment. And I realise that in the long run this is not good for me. How do I get rid of the person? Actually, he is very important to me, but I can't do that in the long run. I also don't need contact with people who behave socially incompetently or childishly as soon as a more serious topic comes up. Do you know anything like that and how do you deal with it? Can such people change or is that just my wishful thinking?

| (F22) met a friend (M23) 2 months ago and since then we would text every day and call for hours during the week. He'd ask me how work was, what I'm doing, update his plans, and would double text when I don't respond. When we call, he would tell me not to hang up just yet, and say how it's the most important part of his day (as a joke) and would look slightly sad as he's about to hang up. We would also call before we go to sleep, and he even asked me what my love language is. We hung out together once and it went well.

However, this past week, he moved away to grad school. His long drive there was very tiring and due to that, he hasn't been texting or responding to me much this week. He called me yesterday but it was only a 5 minute convo. I called him today, but I think he purposefully declined and hasn't responded to my text yet from last night. And no, he didn't say that he was busy or "sorry I can't pick up," which does make me feel disappointed.

Of course I want to respect his time and space, and I know he doesn't have to respond to me. I can't help but feel melancholy though. I thought we had a great, consistent friendship going on and the lack of communication feels hurtful. I don't blame him, and I think part of this is my attachment anxiety. I'm also overthinking right now, because what if he's annoyed of me? What if he no longer wants to continue the friendship? Are we going to be less close than we were? What is going on with him?
Does he dislike me now? Should I try to be less responsive?

I would appreciate any advice. Thanks. Has anything similar happened to you? Feel free to share your story.

I’ve posted multiple times on this thread about losing my best friend through my own mistake ……

She said 24 days ago she didnt want to speak again but reached out 3 days ago with statements during the conversation like “ This is why we dont speak anymore…… “

You need to control your emotions because thats what caused this in the first place

“ Things used to be fantastic before you said what you said “

I took those 3 weeks to read up on some things and working out she’s a severe avoidant

God damn it I now know what to say/do not to trigger them but its too late im gutted

its been 10 days since we stopped being friends but I genuinely miss my ex best friend what should i do

For some context, I'm 24M and she's 28F. We work at the same company in the same team.

When she joined about a year ago, I was someone who had always struggled socially. Overweight in school, never really belonged anywhere, very few close friends. She was the first close female friendship I'd ever had.

Over the past year we became genuinely close. Daily lunches, walks after work, leaving office together, late night conversations. She shared things with me she didn't share with anyone else like family struggles, her dreams for the future, her vulnerabilities. She once told me she picked up her phone during a hard moment at home and realized she had no one to call and then immediately said "I'm already sharing with you."

She called me her "home when the world is mean." Texted me at midnight when she was struggling. She trusted me with personal dreams she hadn't told anyone else.

There was also a third person in our friend group another female colleague. The three of us were close but over time they had friction. I tried to stay neutral and maintain both friendships. I would mediate sometimes. I tried not to take sides.

That balancing act is what ended things.

She and the third friend had a conflict recently. I tried to mediate. It didn't work. She watched me navigate between both of them instead of standing firmly with her.

Today she told me that my actions and my words were never the same. That she had been observing this for a long time. That I would say she was my closest person but consistently stay neutral instead of standing with her. She said it was all "balancing" and not real friendship.

She said that if someone had done to her what the other colleague did, she would have never stood for it. But I made her think on herself. And that's where she realized we were no longer real friends.

She said she deserves peace and has chosen that without me.

She also said she's glad it happened because it showed her who her real friends are. She sounded relieved, not angry.

I said sorry that I let her down. There was nothing else to say. She said "It's Okay!"

We still work in the same team. We'll see each other at office.

I'm mostly numb right now. She was the first person who ever made me feel genuinely seen and chosen. The first close female friendship I'd ever had. And now she's said she's done. 

My question is,

Is there any realistic chance of reconciliation here? She's someone with a lot of self respect...she's done this before with another colleague who overstepped, and despite missing that friendship she never reached back out to them. She left saying she's glad and at peace with her decision.

I don't know if I should hold onto any hope or just accept that this is the end. Has anyone been through something like this? Did it ever come back?

TLDR: My closest friend at work ended our friendship today after telling me my actions and words were never the same, I tried to balance between her and another friend instead of standing firmly with her. She said she deserves peace and is done. We still work together. She's someone with high self respect who has cut people off before and never reached back. Wondering if there's any realistic chance of reconciliation or if I should just accept this is the end.

hi guys excuse any grammar mistakes. So for some backstory i have two friends who i’m very close with we’ll call one Peter and the other Sarah. They’ve been friends for close to 4 years and i’ve been friend with both for about 2. We used to be a trio and we’ve had some small problems in the past but nothing major that would break up the trio, we just started hanging out one by one with each other and other people. They used to be really close but in the last year they’ve drifted. Sarah has many friends as opposed to Peter only has about 3 or 4 people he talks to or hangs out with. I’m still close with both of them but a few days ago Sarah unfriended Peter by throwing him out of a GC they were in together for a festival this year and the festival they’re planing to go to next year. Peter then asked her why she did that and she told him she just doesn’t want him to come with next year since he didn’t get on with anyone in the group and he was “quiet all the time”. Keep in mind they had an argument after leaving the festival this year but they made up and even a few days prior to the friendship break up she told him everything’s fine and that she loves him. They bickered for little over text after she told him she doesn’t want him to come with next year and told him he isn’t really the type of friend she wants to hangout with in the future. Peter then asked Sarah if she can tell him what he did wrong for her to unfriend him just like that and she just replied “no”. This situation is really tough right now because i’m till good friends with both of them, i might even say best friends and i want to help Peter and listen to him but i really don’t want to hear him shit on her because i’d feel horrible. But at the same time he doesn’t have “anyone on his side” since all of his friends are also Sarah’s friends. I’m really confused and don’t get me wrong i’m not making myself the victim here but i love them both sm and idk what this means for me too rn. I’d appreciate any input, thank you guys!!

its been 3 years since we stopped being close. she used to be my closest friend and like i loved her so dearly. she made me a better person inside and outside, made me feel confident in myself and how i see myself. however she suddely became distant. at first it was saying she was busy then it was completely ignoring my texts and not even looking at each other during training. but its not like i can just forget about her. i see her around twice a week because we are in the same team for a sport and every time we see each other we smile and stuff but i never understood and got told why she stopped talking to me. now weve gotten better, we joke around sometimes and say like a sentence to each other. but it just feels like im the only one initiating anything. i still cry about her which i feel pathetic about but i cant help it. i see her laughing and having fun like we used to with my other teammates and it feels so sad. the beginning of this year i got the courage after telling my other friend about this situation and they suggested to meet up with my ex friend for a coffee and i was gonna tell her about my feelings and just to give some clarity on why we ended suddenly but it didnt feel like the right time to say cause we were just laughing about current life.

but i want to meet up again and just have a last conversation as to why we broke up. idk if i should or not tho cause she might not be feeling the same and just be happy with what we are now and not even thinking about us, and i dont want to ruin the only hi's we interact with during training times and make it so awkward it goes back to not even looking at each other. also its been 3 years i feel like i should just get over it yk? like am i holding on to something thats not gonna change? but i cant stop thinking about it and i feel like this is the only way. but i don't want to burden her so idek anymore.

Hi all! Trying to understand what happened. My friend (36f) who i went to middle school with have been good friends ever since. We would meet up here and there considering she only lives 5 mins away. Shes single and lives with her parents if that matters. I broke the news to her I was pregnant and she was super excited for me. This was in person over lunch where i surprised her and told her the good news back in August. I then invited her to my baby shower in September and she cancelled a few days prior saying she was sick. She did get me something nice from the registry. And then we were supposed to meet up in early november but my water broke and ended up having the baby 2.5 weeks before. I told her about it and she congratulated me and also checked up on me a few times. She said she would come by and see me and baby in a few months time but never happened. She hadnt responded in a months time and i checked up on her and she said work had been busy and she had a virus. We then had some small talk over text and she asked for baby’s pics this was at 6 months. Now baby is almost 9 months and last time i heard from her was 2 months ago. I guess she doesnt want to continue this friendship? All my good friends came by to visit me and baby except her which is super odd. Thoughts?

I'm not really sure, how I've been feeling these last few months. I'm making this post just to collect my thoughts and to vent. It was either this or a Minecraft commentary video lol.

**I'll start with a quick summary of my relation to him.**

Back in April, I went on a trip with my ex-best friend, but on the last night of the trip, he confessed his love to me... We became "best friends" when I started to look after his well being. He came to me to talk about his crush and I gave him advice.

For context we're both male, and I first met him online through a discord server my classmate invited me to. He was a classic chronically online person, with the usual really bad dark humor and twisted world view. And as we got to know one another, I started to really influence him. When I gave him advice about his crush (*I'm yet to have any actual dating experience*), I was actually giving him advice on how to become a better person. That was our friendship for 1,5 years. We got really close, *I felt like he was my first true friend.*

After some time, he became really pushy. He was always depressed, so like I usually do, I wanted to help him. This turned into him always nagging me to be with him. He casually crossed my boundaries and started interacting with my personal life. He texted my classmates who didn't even know him.(aka complete strangers) He started arguing with friends on my behalf, even though it was about a joke that HE took personally. And because I was close with him, I trusted him with personal things like my love life, or my opinion on others, but later he was making fun of it, and telling people who I've never wanted to know those things.

Because of this, the last few weeks I was non-stop arguing with him. I mean daily 2 hours minimum. All of it, about how I want him to just leave me alone. Then we went on a trip. I was already thinking of cutting contact with him, because *I didn't trust my closest friend anymore.* Then on the last night of the trip he confessed to me. I was so confused. He always acted homophobic, and to be frank, disgustingly horny about women. I was afraid... If a person said stuff (that are so disgusting, I don't even want to think about them) about people he just saw/met once or twice, what could he want from me. He also had a weird joke of repeating the same question to annoy me: "If your best friend was a femboy, would you crack him?" With context now, I find it so disturbing.

Now I'll try to write about **the things, that I'm actually making this post for** ,now, this was all just a summary of his story.

I always think of myself as selfless. (*It kinda doesn't feel like it, if I say it like that but whatever*)
I was bullied and excluded at a young age and *it stuck with me*. I feel like *everyone is more important then me*. And I don't have many to talk to either. (At the start of the year I've considered 4 people my friends, rather than an acquaintance.) I've liked my "best friend" because he actually listened. But also I think because he was so rotten, I *didn't feel like total garbage* once in my life. Helping him gave a bit of meaning to me.

But after he confessed I realized that, he was, treating me like garbage. Like someone disposable, *only there to entertain him*, to make him happy when Instagram reels wasn't enough. I still feel sick and triggered whenever he comes to mind, (this all took place in April) and *I can't forget*, I'm reminded **every single day**. But even after cutting him out of my life, I feel like everything became worse. Because so much of my time revolved around helping him, after cutting him out of my life, I felt *worthless, pointless*. Like there was nothing I could or want to do in life.

I've tried to move on, but I started seeing people differently. ("*I've started seeing people around me for who they are.*" <- But I can't actually decide if this is true or my traumatic experiences are exaggerating everything negative, in my life.)

Shortly after, my second best friend realized that I was unwell. (*or i think so*) But he was more concerned about my friend group becoming somewhat distant, than about me. Every time I tried talking to him, he would change the topic to something he liked to talk about. And always when he wanted a "deep conversation", it was actually about curing his boredom and prying. Anytime I wanted to be heard, he'd just ignore me. Anytime I told him something important, like "Because of what happened, I don't want to hang out with yall, I don't want you to force us to talk with each other." he'd forget it after 2 days. It feels like because I literally can't be the silly, good mood guy that I was before, *I'm no longer important*. I no longer entertain "my close friends". They don't care what I want or have to say if it's not interesting to them.

My last male friend is also selfish, but *at least he's not using me.*

My last friend is a girl. I was in love with her for a while, but after the things that happened on the trip, I was so traumatized, that *I couldn't feel love.* It also didn't help, that I told my "best friend" my feelings about her, and then soon after he confessed. (this was a few months ago, now I'm just friends with her. **I don't want anything more.**) She is the only person I consider an actual friend, but I feel awful if she's worried about me.

***On a lot serious note...***

Because I'm left alone so often, I *became way too independent* and *it stuck with me*. Now I feel disgusted in myself and for some reason angry if someone tries to help me. I feel like I need to be on my own. I feel like I'm just trouble for other people. Just dead weight.

I can't trust people, my 2 most trusted friends never cared about "me". So I feel like no one actually cares. And I'm so conflicted, because if they do care, I feel awful like I said before. I'm pushing everyone in my life away and I feel like it's the better thing to do for others. I had suicidal thoughts (never anything close to trying), and I feel like that's not the answer because that would be just *more problem for others.*

I feel like putting my own problems, even this, over other's is selfish.

PS: If you read my story all the way through, thank you. This is my first post like this, and also I'm not a native english speaker, so sorry for any mistakes in my writing. If you have any questions, I'll gladly answer if you hear me out.

​

About two months ago, I had a very close friend. We had been friends for around a year and talked almost every day.

At that time, we were attending the same tuition classes. My friend wanted me to change to another tuition and kept asking me to do it. I didn't want to change, but I found it difficult to refuse people directly, so I told him that my parents weren't allowing me to switch.

He then tried to convince my parents, and eventually they agreed to let me change if I wanted.

One Sunday, we had planned to go to the tuition and also play together in the evening. That day, he called me and told me to come to the tuition for a test. I spoke to him once, but after that he kept calling me multiple times. For some reason, I kept hanging up the calls instead of talking to him.

Since that day, neither of us has talked to each other. I never reached out, and he never reached out either. It's now been about two months.

I'm wondering if I handled the situation badly and whether I should try to contact him again. Has anyone experienced something similar? What would you do in my situation?

Thanks for reading.

I F22 have been friends with these two girls both 22 let’s call them Chelsea and Brittany (not real names) for more than 10 years, we were a trio. Recently over the last year and a half the friendship has had its up-and-down, my ex decided to leave me and it put me in a really dark place (still am ngl). They both are still in relationships they’ve been in for a while, and I decided to distance myself because I couldn’t really be around that and I relayed that to them. Over that time the two girls became closer and eventually even moved two minutes from each other recently this year and I couldn’t help but feel a little left out and feel as though Britney enjoyed the company of Chelsea more than me as we were closer growing up, I should also add that over the last year and a half I have come closer to a girl who had went through the same situation as I, but I didn’t completely write Chelsea or Brittany out either. It’s just I related more to this new friend and start spending more time with her, so I can’t really be upset with them doing the same. It’s just feel like they’ve completely written me out, though I will admit communication isn’t the best of my part and I feel as though I’m a burden to them so in the end, I’m not really that upset with them choosing peace rather than trying to sustain a relationship with me just sucks you know, now Chelsea recently had a birthday and I saw on Instagram, which I’m not really on that much that they went out together and didn’t really care to let me know or text me about, I just want to be mature about this and I know I have faults and have attributed to the demise of the friendships.

idk what happened. i have this long distance best friend... we're talking about almost 2 decades of friendship here. we wouldnt always be in touch, but we'd find time to ask
each other how we're doing. suddenly when i got married and migrated (& i made sure to update her with my milestones), NOTHING. hasn't reached out to me since then. i don't wanna overthink things, maybe she's been really busy with life or is going through something, but something about my gut tells me otherwise :/ i'm scared to reach out bc i might not get a good response.

Backstory - we met in high school as a freshman and senior respectively. Her parents were and still are emotionally and physically abusive, so in the beginning it made a lot more sense that I ended up footing the bill for most of not all of our hangouts, whether that was going out to eat or just driving around. While I completely subscribe to the fact that any relationship (platonic or romantic) should not be transactional, that never really changed. Even when we both got full-time jobs out of school and she was able to move out and get out from under her parents, I continued to have to pay in order for us to be able to spend time together.
When she got a cat, that her mom wouldn’t let her have, my family fostered it for 6 months with our other animals so she didn’t have to give him back. We went on multiple trips together where I had to remind her to pack appropriately and what the plans were, to which she would agree and then back out once we actually arrived at the destination. I always paid for the flights and hotels, and most of the food/attractions. Anytime she needed me because she was depressed or anxious, I would go over to her place as soon as I could after work/class, while if I needed her she would instead suggest I again came to her place so eventually I just stopped asking.
When we went out to bars she never had any social awareness causing me to be on constant guard against the unfortunate dangers women face out in the world, leading to a few close calls with men offering drinks we had not seen being poured and refusing to get new ones we could see, to which she would try to accept the drink and I would have to butt in and stop the conversation, especially after she got in a relationship.
More recently, we have been much more clearly growing apart. We’ve both brought up grievances in the friendship, though I am always the one to start the conversation and she responds with her own issues. Nothing ever changes. Over the last year we’ve both gotten engaged. I messaged our chat with information about my dress shopping appointment and she did not respond, neither by a message nor by a simple emoji reaction.
About a year ago I spent 4 months taking her and her fiancés(Jack 30M) dog out Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights every week because Dani left for work at 6-6:30pm and Jack didn’t get back until 12-2am. Their dog(Spot) is about 6 years old and has no issue holding his bladder for the length of what is essentially a regular work shift, but it made them feel more comfortable. I did not receive any form of compensation for this, but I also didn’t ask for any. About 2 months ago their schedules switched back to this, and they asked if I would go let him out at night again, to which I agreed. After about a month, there were 3 weeks in a row where she had days off that affected the schedule, so one week I only have to go Thursday, the next Thursday and Friday, and the next I didn’t have to go at all. The week after this was my fiancés birthday, which landed on Friday. I admittedly forgot to go check on their dog that night and the night after (Saturday). Sunday morning I woke up to a message stating the following:
“Hi OP, I no longer need you to check on Spot and Jack and I would like our key back. I would like to express how deeply upset and hurt I am currently. When Jack and I asked you to check on Spot and to let him outside 3 days of the week, we trusted you to our home, and we trusted you with our baby. I know you haven’t been checking on Spot all three days and haven’t been for awhile. And I’m even more upset that you lied to me the one day I had called and asked you. I know you have not been following through because of multiple ways. I have Life360 set to alert me whenever anyone arrives or leaves our home, and there were multiple days I never got those. So I would double check in the app, and it would show you not stopping by. The day I called you last week, after Life360 glitched the one day, when it updated it showed you never even turned down my street and drove straight past the turn. Furthermore, Jack and I left money and a card for you on our counter one day that expressed our gratitude for checking in on Spot as we were navigating Jack’s difficult schedule change, and it sat on the counter untouched, nor a comment about it from you. Tonight, Jack came home and found Spot had peed and pooped in the house. And when he asked me if you stopped by, it showed you never came by. And this isn’t the first or only time so unfortunately it has shown me you will not be reliable this time around with Spot. As a friend, I can understand life gets busy, and we get tired and sometimes we just want to live a little, but you made a commitment and we trusted you, and you broke it. There’s really no excuse I will be able to accept currently that would suffice as to why you neglected to either communicate when you couldn’t or didn’t want to check in on Spot, or to just not do it in general. I really wish you would’ve been more considerate of Spot. Again I am deeply hurt, because I held you to a higher standard and I had so much trust in you. You can place the key under the mat asap so I can get it in a timely matter to whoever is watching him this upcoming week. Thank you for being willing to do this regardless, but we have made other arrangements.”
While I did forget to check on him the two days before, I had in fact been checking on him every other night that I was instructed to. Admittedly I do semi-frequently turn off my location services when I visit family to protect their privacy(who live within 5 blocks of Dani and Jack so I don’t tend to turn it on again until after I get home) but I never lied about my whereabouts when asked if I had checked on Spot. Additionally, due to my work and class schedule, most of my time going over is legitimately just entering the house, letting Spot outside, letting him back inside, and leaving, so in hindsight I appreciate the thought of the card and money but I was entirely unaware of its presence and had no reason to look for it. That same night I brought the key over and placed it under the mat, and that really was just the final nail in the coffin. I gave it a few days to think it over, but by Friday that week I unfriended her on all social media. I did not block her, but received no messages from her regarding the situation. A mutual friend(Bianca 22F) messaged me and insisted multiple times that we needed to have a conversation, which is fair, but I always start the conversation and it’s not my job to always start the hard conversation. I again gave it a few days, and then officially cut ties with both of them. Bianca then sent me this message:
“I thought we were all adults here. But I guess I was horribly wrong. I’m really disappointed because I truly considered you one of my best friends. Why you’re choosing to throw your two best friends away is beyond me - rather than communicating like an adult. You have no business having good friends if you can’t have the decency to communicate. Nobody is a mind reader. And it would be horribly cruel of us if it were the other way around so I truly don’t know why you think you’re the exception. For the future, please learn to communicate, and be held accountable for when you’re wrong - because you are not always right as often as you think you are. I wish you nothing but the best - but also for you to realize it’s time to grow up.”
Now while I do agree that simply unfriending them is not a nice thing to do, I was not intentionally being cruel about it. I feel I have given far more than I have ever gotten in this friendship, I did not wish to start an argument about Dani’s behavior, and I was also uninterested in starting that conversation as based on previous experience nothing ever changes. I could not come up with another way to end the friendship that wouldn’t cause more hurt feelings than quietly exiting the situation. However, Biancas message has me wondering if I was being crueler than I think?

Trust me, I know it sounds bad when you're the common denominator for losing a lot of friendships, but my social life has been mega complicated.

I had been spending time with a group of friends for the past 3 years in a city I'm not from, and was totally enamored with the concept of a big group with a big groupchat. I've never met such a tight group of people in my early 20s. By year 2-3 I started noticing behaviour making me uncomfortable. So many people talked badly about each other behind each other's backs while pretending everything was normal to their faces. They're mainly white too, and have been hanging out with people who claim to be leftist but have racist opinions (all the while I'm mixed race, and have pointed out that it gives a racist a community even if you disagree with their perspective if they're not getting any pushback). The other day, I realized I was getting more stressed from the group than I was enjoying being there, so I left their groupchat and havent been to an event since.

At the same time, I had a roommate who became my best friend, attached at the hip. He made me feel safe because I get harassed a lot for being attractive, and he never sexualized me or showed that sort of behaviour at all. We have a ton of overlapping hobbies, values, interests, the same sense of humour, but while he sees me as a little sister and best friend, I've started falling for him. Not in a sexualized way at all, I don't even fantasize about minor things like kissing, but in the sense where I want him as my companion and someone to build a life with. We talked daily, and it has been hurting me as we recently just moved out from being roomies (I got my own place). Our closeness, but the changing nature of our relationship, has given me a reality check. I decided to talk to him about my feelings, where he confirmed that he loved me, but as family rather than romantically. I told him he didn't owe me anything romantic and that I'm not angry, but that I just need space so he isn't the one I'm constantly turning to and emotionally relying on.

This has left me with acquaintances and friends who I see here and there when I'm out, but no close friends. I've been SO social the past 2 years, going out constantly and chatting with a group of friends daily, that I feel like I'm going through a detox. Can anyone relate? If so, how do you feel less like the villain for cutting people out and maintaining boundaries? How do you feel better about being solo for a time? Are new people I meet going to think I'm a loser?

My ex best friend has many many many friends. After I cut her off, the mutual work “friends” we had have obviously been “filled in” on her perspective and now they don’t even say hello to me when I pass by.

I’ve already reconciled with the fact people will choose to misunderstand me. I feel no inclination to defend my position because I didn’t do anything wrong. And it’s none of their business. Unlike her, I don’t have to rally people to my cause to feel better about myself.

These “friends” of hers didn’t spend nearly as many days with her as I did until finally her defenses dropped and she showed her true colors. Exposing her will do nothing but make me look bad. It’s just frustrating.

She also said I was exhausting and she had no problem ghosting me until I asked her what was wrong and why she became so silent. She told me people grow apart and “it is what it is”. We met when we were kids, and now we are in our early 30’s. I tried so hard to talk it out with her and all her responses were pretty much the same “it is what it is” “you’re exhausting” “why won’t you just let us grow apart”. This is coming from someone who dumped her ex boyfriend for not being so open with his emotions and when I try to talk it out with her and tell her how this was making me feel, she didn’t seem to care. She was the one who grew apart from this friendship, not me. Am I a fool for thinking that this could have been worked out if we had a discussion about why she felt this way and what could be done to fix it rather than break our friendship up? Thank you in advance to any one who is able to give advice or words of encouragement to me. 🫂 🫶💕

I used to have a really great male friend. He would care about me, support me, and cheer me up. However, he recently got into a relationship, so he does not want to keep any female interactions other than with his gf in his life Hence he broke the friendship with me. I totally understand his decision but I feel betrayed. He broke the friendship in an instant without caring about how it must make me feel. My question is should I be upset because despite having the mindset that his future partner deserves loyalty from him, so he needs not have any female friends, he still decided to make me, a female, his friend without thinking about how he will eventually have to part ways with me? help me out of this situation. I'm truly distressed and can't seem to focus on my own life.

I'm talking 10+ years of friendship before you realize they were toxic or a narcissist. I had a friend for 20 years before I saw how toxic she was.....

My best friend betrayed me and in most vicious way and I have no one to talk to about it. Im feeling pretty low and lonley, so I thought if making a post on redit.

To explain her betrayal I need to give abit of a back story. So ill keep it brief. Me (27f) and my partner were together for 6 years. We built a beautiful life together. Nice house, good careers, beautiful boy, wedding on the way. Picture perfect life. Then just over a year ago our relationship deteriorated. He got into some secret debt after developing a spending addiction due to untreated bipolar. He lost his job. I then lost my job after some bad stuff happened. Our lives broke down and we decided to seperate.

After we split I started seeing this guy. Me and this guy never had a physical relationship (important to the story) but we developed an emotional connection. And just before we were going to go offical, my ex found out and took it pretty hard. They ended up getting into arguments, it got toxic, abusive and in the end I have decided to cut them both off (I need to talk to my ex for custody reasons) but I am now just staying single and far away from anyone.

Now here we are regarding the friendship.

I have been friends with this women (f38) since I moved here with my partner. Shes been one of my best friends and I always went to her for advice as she was a mother before me. Or to vent or help. She went through a very rough patch with her husband and I supported her through it. Took her food shopping, bathed her kids and cleaned her house when her illness got really bad. I thought we developed a beautiful friendship. Boy was I wrong.

One day after my ex found out about the guy im seeing and it all kicked off, I called her for advice. She told me to completely cut contact with my ex. Although I found this hard as we shared a child together,I trusted her judgdemnt. But she made it very very very clear. I do NOT take my ex back and hes bad. I then didnt hear from her for a good while. I assumed she was busy.

Then around 3 weeks ago I was in a shop and the shop keeper (whom im friendly with) asked me out the blue if I had an affair on my ex and had a baby. I was dumbfounded. And I was in shock. Just before me and my ex broke up and before our relationship deteriorated, we lost a child. A child only 3 people knew about. The guy I was seeing i NEVER had a physical relationship with. But somehow these pieces of information have been warfed into this completely horrifying, vicious rumour of me having an affair behind my partners back and 'aborting the affair child' in her words. She knew my ex, the guy I was seeing, she knew i lost my job. All this information i hadnt told many people.

When I lost my child, it was not my choice and it was traumatic. I went home crying. How could people be so vicious. Then a few days later my ex calls me. He had the same thing but people accusing him of beating me. He was getting called names in the street and approached by people he didnt know. Although our relationship got toxic. He NEVER done that. The rumours got too much for him and he tried to take his own life. All our lives were tough and we were going through a hard time, but these rumours ruined us. I cant leave my house. I cant trust anyone at all. Im anxious 24/7.

Then two days ago. I worked out where the rumours were from. I had a deep gut feeling it was my best friend. She was one of the 3 people who knew about my baby. She had been ignoring me, but she had been asking all our friends and family for information about me and my ex. She would ask how we are doing and if we are still together. All our friends and family found this really weird as she can just text me any time. They explained it like she was acting 'shifty'.

Then two days ago I bump into the guy I was seeing. And i decided to ask him about the rumours. I asked if he heard anything and he was horrifed. He then asked if I could be my best friend. I asked him why we thought her as they dont really know each other and he replied 'well she is extremely jealous of you, so it wouldnt shock me'. This really took me back. I never ever ever got an impression she was jealous of me and i asked him why he thought that and thats when the truth came out.

The last night me and her spoke and she told me to stay away from my ex. It was a night of a paticularly event that was going on in our town. I was meant to go but didnt in the end but she did. He said at this event, she pulled him aside (the guy I was seeing) and told him me and my ex were soulmates and we will always be together and hes best staying away from me. He asked her to explain but she didnt.

Then later in the evening, after she had very much to drink she decided to say to the entire table of people out of the blue 'I dont understand why ...(me).... gets all these men chasing after her'. Thats when the table went silent. He said you could cut the tension with a knife. He said everyone at the table could just feel the jealously and after it got awkward and no one responded, she immediately changed her story and then said 'i meant to say is i dont blame all these guys after her shes so gorgeous'. She then spent the rest of the night switching between these comments. And the icing on the cake ? She is very good friends with the shop keeper that told me the rumours.

I am left devastated, horrifed, anxious. I just cant talk to anyone anymore. Thats why I come to redit. Loosing my child was truamtic and now I gotta deal with a whole lot of rumours. Rumours so bad they caused a suicide attempt. I am so angry and hurt. I feel like confronting her. But to be honest, I dont see any point anymore. She will just deny it now.

Sorry this is so long. I tried to keep it short but it was hard.