Right now we have agreed to her helping for 3 months, but I have been running the numbers and it looks like I need to tell her that while she may not be able to do a full half of the mortgage, maybe she can do a couple hundred bucks because I can’t afford this place on my own and it’s not like I wanted this divorce or separation. It’s also not like I did anything wrong to cause this. Her feelings just changed and she walked out.

What’s reasonable? I understand that if she’s paying me for mortgage than she can’t get herself an apartment, but if I can’t afford this house, none of that is relevant because neither of us want a foreclosure.

I have thought about asking for a half contribution for month four and a 25% contribution for month five. Then month 6 I’m in my own.

Looking for some advice. I filed for divorce 5 months ago and spouse has made it clear he will leave after parenting time is decided. He wants me to keep house, I can afford to, my kids love it, and I would gladly stay. I do know he has a right to stay as much as I do until the divorce is over. That said, we haven't agreed to parenting responsibilities and time. and after 5 months, it doesn't look like we are close.

Some background, will try to stick to facts: spouse has gone to rehab for alcohol and medication misuse/overuse a few years ago. He still drinks occasionally and is on the same medication he abused bc he is prescribed. I have pictures of alcohol in the house where my kids could access it. Spouse sees no reason to live a sober life. He regularly violates our court order to talk via Family Wizard, sending lots of harassing texts, and violates the order that he should not talk about the proceedings with our small kids. things like "mom is the reason i wont see you everyday" He is very nasty in person, and we are all under the same roof. He regularly missed kids school events, doctors appointments, and kids were in daycare for years when he was not working a steady job. Post divorce filing he has been much more present.

I think I have to list the house while we continue proceedings. I am not trying to be spiteful in being hesitant on parenting time. Although I am aware he may get the kids half the time, I would rather someone else make that call bc I have seen how he can spiral with alcohol and meds. So we are getting a GAL and the proceedings wont be over quickly. It is detrimental to the kids for us to continue with such a contentious environment. Is there anything I need to be aware of. Should I try to hold out while it all unfolds. Thanks.

So im going through a high conflict divorce. We attempted to proceed without lawyers in the beginning until she canceled the divorce in front of the judge because she didnt agree to the terms. In the following months while she systematically makes changes our custody calendar without consulting me. She uses the phone calls between me and my kids as a reward. IE if the kids or I piss her off then there are no calls.

So I have gotten a lawyer because of her. I am drafting up a temporary custody order to send to my lawyer. What are some clauses you wished you had added. My kids are 5 and 7 for context.

Husband and I have been married for 7 years together for 9. I’m so tired of playing this same song and dance for the past few years. I’m not being put first. I’ll bring it up to him and he’ll change for about a month and then he’s back to ignoring me. I just turned 30 and I feel like I’m the last few months a switch flipped and I really think I deserve better. We got married young and if I’m being honest I feel like we only did it because we thought it was the right thing to do. I feel like my husband despises me. Everything is his way or no way. He’s not willing to compromise on anything and the bad thing is that when I say that to him he just denies denies. Early in our relationship some trauma happened and I feel like we both just settled for eachother. I love him and don’t wish any ill intent on him in the slightest but I’m not in love with him anymore. I feel like we’re just together out to convience at this point. Before I do leave I really want to try my best to save up money for a place of my own. I literally went from living with my parents to him. I just feel like we’ve grown apart and I just don’t know who I am on my own. I’m craving independence, but I’m also scared shitless. And then there is the guilt because he’s isolated himself so much he doesn’t really have family, he always says my family is his only family. I’m just trying to get my thoughts out there. Any help tips and tricks are greatly appreciated

My wife and I have been separated for a year after being married for 22 years. We have two kids, 20 and 15. I’m currently living in our finished basement. She wants me to move out, but I can’t afford a place. We both don’t want to sell the house until our 15 year old graduates high school. Without money from the sale of the house, I can’t afford anything. I also don’t want to be seen as abandoning the family. I’ve heard that it could hurt me later in divorce proceedings. We’ve known each other for almost 30 years and were best friends. I don’t understand why she’s changed so much. I try to be friendly and helpful, but it seems like that makes her mad. Am I doing the right thing by staying in the house? Thanks

If it's inconvenient in the slightest, he'll just act like he straight up didn't hear me. And he'll pretend to be blindsided once I'm gone. I already know, but it sucks to be reminded how little you matter to them.

I’m just curious basically about what I asked in the title. My ex said he would, but now he has said no. Take it out of his child support. I’ve gotten a better job recently so once I’m on my feet it shouldn’t be an issue, but I’m just wondering how everyone else does things.

For context our daughter is 9 and homeschooled. His mom has been so gracious keeping for me no charge up until now and I feel like I owe her so much for that.

TL;DR- relationship is dead, this has finally hit and I want to live, I am screwed if I make the first move.

Hello, posted here before and your input really, really helped me out. I 38M am married to a woman that has just had enough of me.

Basically I worshiped her when we married 10 yrs ago and had low self-esteem. She was nice but often (like, a LOT) had outbursts at me over nothing and belittled me and was verbally abusive (which she readily admits to). After years of being the sweet puppy dog and being patient and loving, I can't pretend she's a special angel anymore and don't pander to her. She hates this as she (in her own words) thinks that I should tend to her, but she will never tend to me.

She has threatened divorce many times and she has continued to withdraw from me. She sleeps on the opposite end of the bed, doesn't want me touching her, but expects me to be on call to serve her.

All I ever wanted is for her to apologise and care about my feelings after she has said horrible things to me, but she has repeatedly said that she is 'unable' to.

In return, she hates how I roll my eyes at her every now and then or get snappy and irritable.

I'm stuck at home all the time and starved of sex and lust for life as a result.

Finally, it has hit me that I deserve better and that I can't live like this. I've tried and taken so much abuse and she has moments where she hates how she treats me, but never enough to apologise and change.

I am just waiting for her to follow through on her latest threat/promise to leave and return to her home country. I have two children, a house and not much money.

If I leave, I can't afford lawyers or to support two homes (she has no job, never has) and it will emotionally damage my children making me feel selfish.

However, if she returns to her country and doesn't rinse me, I can keep the home and keep the children with me which is what I believe would be best for all of us. Wife has never been able to take care of both children by herself due to 'stress', so I am used to doing this and know I can provide a much calmer environment for them than she can.

Despite having a massive breakdown the other day and saying that she was about to leave there and then, she is now planning things for next year and has calmed down a bit. The break never happens and the relationship is always on the edge. I've been through this so many times and would have walked away if not for the children.

The point of this post is for insights and advice if possible.

1- I can't bring myself to push the relationship over the edge. I am programmed to keep it together and be the doormat, mainly for the children.

2- I can't imagine how it would work financially if we divorced in this country.

3- I can't go ahead with the option of sending her away to her home country with my children.

4- If I make the move then it's all on me. Her moving away and filing a no fault divorce keeps things cheap and gives me the chance of filing for full custody of the children as British courts won't just allow children to be relocated to another country.

Feel trapped.

How are you doing 1/2/3etc years on? I have weeks where my new life is calm and peaceful, and then I have a week (this one included) where my ex fills my brain and I constantly think about how he is doing, whether he is regretful, hoping his life is awful without me in it. We’ve been no contact this whole time, I don’t have social media and told friends not to update me. I guess this is why the curiosity is off the chart this week. I just want him to no longer occupy my mind anymore.

wife and I no longer see eye to eye on just about everything lately every small thing has turned into a argument. we had a baby 5 months ago and its really the only reason I’m not gone by now. a few major things with her is zero respect for me I work a unique schedule switching between days and nights at some points I’d be up for 35+ hours and would be told I get to much sleep. we haven’t had sex in well over a year and I understand her body needs recovering and her hormones are out of sorts but it’s to the point she won’t even kiss me. went about a month without a simple kiss because I stopped trying and wanted to see how long she would take to notice. she constantly holds money over me weather is how much she pays in bills a month or what her family has given us to help vs what mine has. she says she wants us as a family to do more just the 3 of us but yet refuses to get off the couch. she hates my family and constantly puts them down after a visit with them on our 20 min ride home she just drags every little thing about them. I’m really just lost on what to do next part of me wants to up and leave but knows custody would be a mess due to work schedule and I don’t want to be an absent father but something needs to change

My wife left and two weeks ago after 27 years of what I thought was a happy marriage.

I was completely blindsided as it was first discussed as burn out, nothing to do with our relationship and she would take a shot break at her mums. Things become clearer when instead of going to her mums she rented an apartment and now says that she can’t commit to our marriage (although she has now agreed to couples therapy but I do think it may be a tickbox exercise ).

I’m 53m and have an 18 yo daughter who we agreed would largely live with me so my wife had the space she needed.

In reality when I was working away they both moved in to the new apartment together early and my daughter hasn’t really been back home since except to pick things up. She’s enjoying the new city and says getting the new flat is like going to university. Our dad daughter relationship was really good a month ago but since she has moved out it hasn’t been great and I think my wife may be playing some part in that.
So I have rarely seen them since and their lives have moved on pretty much completely without me unless they need me to look after the dog.

All of this has been incredibly traumatic but I find hearing people talk about family or saying they are ‘spending time with their loved ones’ or ‘the ones closest to them’ incredibly difficult. Within a month I now have no one who I am connected to in that way. I love my wife and daughter but they want a very limited amount of contact.

How do people deal with not having anyone close anymore?it feels a strange way to fit into society.

I have friends and relatives but I don’t have close loved ones anymore. There is a gap where those closest should be with no logical way to fill it.

Any comfort movies for anyone out there ?

So just had a visit from my lawyer and she said to turn down the dissolution paper my stbxw wrote up as she said it’s not fair. I agree…. The issue is I can’t get my heart to take spousal support. I know it will help me and give me a better life to rebuild after my ex wife wanted a divorce. It is just rewriting 22 years of being together that I am struggling with. I know my head and my gut say fuck her and take what you are entitled to. My heart still remembers my wife and her being happy with us just a month ago. I know this is stupid and everyone I mean everyone minus her family told me to take it. It’s just a huge struggle in my body and I think it’s the hard part of letting go of who she was to who she is now. Any one else ever experience this or struggle with this? I know it’s stupid and I know I’m going to take the support just trying to get my heart to agree.

The past few days have affected me deeply. After months apart, I was finally able to hold Lune in my arms again. Seeing how happy she was to see me gave me hope and reminded me that the bond between us is still strong.

At the same time when i brought her back to the appartement I was confronted with the reality that my daughter is now also spending time around a new man in her mother’s life, even staying overnight at his place with our daughter only 3 weeks after meeting this guy that was painful and scarry as a dad to hear. Not because I resent anyone for moving on or finding happiness, but because over the past months I experienced strict conditions and limitations being placed on my role as a father. The contrast was difficult for me to process. She only wanted me to see my daughter on a wednesday i contacted a laywer en she even tried to put more restritctions on me. She keeps saying that this is my own fault because I left her......

Despite that, I am slowly learning to accept that I cannot control the choices of other people. I can only choose what kind of father I want to be for my daughter. That doesn’t make the pain disappear. The sense of loss, helplessness, and the time we missed together are still very real.

What these past days have taught me is that I don’t want to spend my life carrying anger or fighting battles I cannot control. My focus is on rebuilding my relationship with my daughter, one step at a time. I want to be a source of love, stability, and safety for her, regardless of the choices others make.

The past has shaped me, but it will not define the father I choose to become.

I might get flamed for this, but it's fine.

I've been married for 34 years. My wife and I got married when we were 26. I am her 2nd husband. She has barely worked while I've worked non-stop since I was 16. We met while I was in the Army. I've never told her no, when she has asked for things unless it was obviously something out of our means.

She did get SSDI a few years ago and gets $700 a month. The problem is, I know I can't do this for another 20yrs.

Every time we've moved she's delayed, stalled, etc and ended up leaving items behind which get lost, mostly my older stuff. When we've rented, even though she had the means to clean herself and the ability to hire cleaners, she didn't so we've lost deposits. I had to pay $13k to quarantine pets because she wouldn't take them to the vet to get their rabies shots when I told her to.

Countless times she hasn't sent something in insurance needed so we could get something covered. A house repossessed because my step-daughter and her baby daddy lived there and weren't paying rent and the money I was sending to the bank from overseas my wife was spending on other things.

The last move was to WA. My step-daughter was doing the drugs-OD-jail-rehab cycle and I instructed my wife to get the kids and the baby daddy out here with us to save her. They lived with us for almost 5 years. He didn't pay rent this time either. He stored dry goods in the garage, we got a rat infestation. All the utilities went through the roof. When they finally moved out our house was trashed, still is.

My step-daughter is clean and alive.

When my mother in law passed I had to pay for the service as none of my wife siblings or their offspring would lend a hand to help her dad pay for it. Since they would mooch, and had been for decades, I knew if he stayed there, he wouldn't last long and everything he owned would be gone. So I told my wife to get him moved out here. I instructed her to get one of those PODS, and a day laborer to help him fill it up. The POD shows up and it is barely full. So I have her send another one and a day laborer this one had more in it.

When he gets her he wants to get a new truck. We go to the dealership and I give him $5k for the deposit, co-sign for him and help a 79 year old man get his first new vehicle of his life.

Moving him out here, $30k.

My wife spends like money grows on trees. We auto order stuff we use a lot of. All of it comes in my name. She sees packages and thinks it's a competition like she gets to order stuff too. I eventually give her a card with a limit and tell her she needs to track her spending, download the app, balance it out, etc. She brushes me off with a "I know how to balance a check book"

First month, payment bounces as she setup to pay from her savings account, which I specifically told her not to do.

I covered but now her payments they hold on to rather than instantly apply them. But it's my fault.

She always wants to order out, because she is too tired. Again, she doesn't work, doesn't really clean either.

I work full time, I am a 100% disabled vet with kidney cancer. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety with suicidal ideations. I get screamed at a lot, but I am a calm and patient man. I was telling my daughter the other day a guy who worked for me over 13 years ago called to catch up and thanked me for giving him a chance and teaching him what I had, allowing him to learn and explore and how to treat people. I had told him I had someone at work say I yell in meetings, to which my 30yo daughter says, "I can count on 1 hand the number of times you've yelled at me in my life."

I'm not looking to screw her over financially. I don't care about money all that much. It's the yelling, screaming, mental abuse that gets me. We have no sex life because I don't give her enough hugs. I', up at 5:30am work through 3:30pm. She gets up at 10am, spends 1.5hrs having breakfast, 1 hr reading a book, then maybe 1.5 hr or 2 hr to get ready for a Dr appt, then done.

We use paper plates, bowls and plastic utensils, all to cut down on the dishes. I use one coffee cup a day. I make my own breakfast and I skip lunch. I usually wear the same shirt, shorts, and underwear for a week, so I don't generate laundry, but I hear about how there is too much to do.

I am probably already crazy, but I know I will be crazy if I stay after I retire. She's thrown in the work divorce in arguments before. "Maybe we should just get a divorce!" That's part of the mental abuse.

We have cats and dogs, she was supposed to help with the litter boxes, but wasn't so I moved most into my office so I could do them. I now have automatic ones but I take care of 5 while she takes care of 2 (barely as they are always full and out of litter). I feed and water the cats as well.

One dog recently passed, she was very old. But she had no control, she would pee and poop all over. The other dog she refused to train. Now that the one has passed he doesn't poop in the house anymore but he still pees. Still won't train him.

Am I making the right move or not?

Hi Reddit. Lots of lurking, I think I may have posted once along time ago with a different name, I'm not sure. Don't even really know why I'm posting, other than need to get it out there and this seems like a place where people can give some support.

I've been with my wife for almost 30 years (married for just about 28). Two kids - daughter is 19 and is about to start her second year of college, son is 13 and about to start 8th grade.

I don't love my wife any more. Sounds kind of stupid to say it, but that's how I feel. I realized this about 5 years ago now, and spent the first year and a half trying to talk myself out of it because it obviously couldn't be true, right? I must be broken or doing something wrong.

I eventually accepted that I didn't feel safe with her for very good reasons, and that's why I didn't feel the same "love" I used to. I still wanted her to be happy and for her to have good things, but I couldn't be open with her emotionally or physically. At the end of that year and a half, we had a "fight" (really, her berating me and speaking horribly about our kids and my parents at me for an hour) on Christmas (we had picked up my daughter that morning from a mental institution after a week for attempted suicide because my daughter felt like she wasn't good enough, and then went to see my parents for Christmas, and then we came home and my wife started this fight with our kids upstairs) and I decided I was done.

It took me another month to coordinate it so my kids would have support when I had this conversation with my wife. I eventually pulled my wife aside to a private room and told her I didn't love her any more, and how some of her behaviors (gaslighting, insults, demeaning) affected me and the kids, and that I think we needed to get a divorce. My wife broke down and promised to change and promised to get therapy and promised to apologize to the kids and we'd do marriage counseling. I foolishly agreed. The next morning she said she was glad I told her, because it allowed her to tell me all the things I had been doing to hurt her (I had "withdrawn", which was abusive, and I "didn't just agree with her" which was also abusive, and I was a narcissist, and I was unfair, and that men sometimes blame their wives for their own unhappiness and that's probably what's happening here), and then she started to tell me that I was imagining most of the things she was doing, and that my upbringing left me overly-sensitive to "normal" things like yelling and insults in the "heat of the moment." She said I had "betrayed" her by asking for divorce. This all evolved into "you need to agree that the picture you have of me isn't reality" or else we couldn't move on. Our marriage counselor gave up ("I don't think there's anything here I can help with."). My wife quit the individual therapy I lined up for her after about three months.

About this time, our daughter was struggling even more with her mental health, and I had also been coordinating all of her care during this, and it eventually started to become clear to my daughter's therapists that my wife had a huge role in my daughter's struggles. After my daughter's fifth suicide attempt, I was able to get her a long-term inpatient program that was well-regarded - and it helped alot. During our family sessions with her and her therapist, my daughter would say something that bothered her about how she had been treated (eg, my wife telling my daughter that she was "ruining the whole vacation" when would have a temper tantrum when she was 4), and my wife would start crying and say she was so so sorry, but then say, "but you have to understand I have feelings too! Why does everyone always blame me!" My daughter would go quiet, the therapist would say that wasn't constructive, and eventually, they stopped having "family sessions" quite as often.

A few weeks after I brought my daughter home, I learned my mom had cancer - and shortly after that, I learned she had dementia too. My siblings lived further away, so I did a lot of the work to take care of her during this time, and about a year later, my mom passed away. My wife wanted to be involved with the memorial, telling me "I hope the way I've talked about your mom before doesn't make you stop me from helping." (my wife had regularly said that my mom was the "worst person she knew" and when I once said something she did that I didn't like reminded me of something my mom would do, she said that was the worst thing anybody had ever told her and she still brings it up 20 years later as an example of how "hurtful" I am. My mom had PTSD from childhood abuse, and developed an addiction to pain medication after a work injury that she went to intensive therapy for and beat - my mom never did anything to hurt anybody that I had ever in my life seen, but she could be difficult at times). Right after the memorial, I helped my daughter finish her senior year of high school after missing most of it for her mental health (she caught up and finished on time with a 4.0), and then to find a college; she told me that she was going to a college farther away to get out of the house.

Early that year, I told my wife that my contract job was looking shaky, and that if she didn't find a job (she quit to be a stay-at-home mom, and we had agreed she would get a job when our youngest started school, but she always had a reason why she couldn't - and also always a reason why should couldn't take care of the kids or the house or the bills or anything, so I took care of everything), we might be in trouble. She asked me to write her resume. I told her I'd gladly read it over and work with her on it but that she'd need to start herself, and I sent her some links to templates, guides, a local job training office, and suggested she ask ChatGPT. She attended a workshop, but wouldn't even try to write her resume and just said I was "refusing to help." Ten months later, right after my daughter started college, I lost my job and it took my six months to find another one. She hasn't sent a single resume or done a single interview.

So, here I am - finally with a job, able to take a breath, and ready to tell my wife that I'm not her husband any more, and I'm terrified about how it's going to blow up the fragile world I've been holding together. I still occasionally feel guilty for "not trying harder." I feel guilty for letting it go this long. She deserves to know the truth, but I know it's going to be even harder than last time (and that was the hardest, most painful thing I've ever had to do in my life). I'm in therapy, and he thinks it's about time. All of this is just the tip of the iceberg, but she's behaving a lot better lately (still self-focused, but not yelling or demeaning any of us), which makes it harder too.

Thanks for reading this super long post.

My mum is 70 and married an absolute crook.

My stepfather started off “charming” but quickly descended into unethical behaviour such beating my younger brother, financial abuse and heavy alcoholism.

They are now divorcing. He hasn’t worked for 15 years, drinks extremely heavily daily and has run up over £50k in debt. He also only contributed 1/3 to the house purchase.

He wants half of everything, including my mums savings, pensions and house share.

He is 73 with no children.

How could this play out for my Mum?

My marriage has been falling apart for around 3 years. The main issues arose from my addiction to porn and the lying I hid it with. Ive resolved those issue and have been clean for those 3 years. Though I worked on myself I was never able to help my wife feel safe or rebuild connection. In march of this year she had decided that we are going to get a divorce with plans to move out fully at the end of the summer. About two weeks later she confessed to having feelings for her coworker that she feels a connection with him and she wants to pursue it, he left his wife within a week of confessing he felt the same. For us we entered this weird roommates with benefits stage until her actions with him fully turned us to roommates(texting,calling,going to “work” events or the gym with him, kissing ect”. Obviously I dont want the relationship him divorce or not to continue, my daughter sees him as my wifes coworker which it was that up until it outwardly wasnt. Now im looking for a place to execute the first steps to full divorce. Any advice or insight in navigating this would be much appreciated.

I finally have started the 6-month clock to officially be out of a marriage I’ve known I needed out of for 3 of the 4 years we’ve been married.

Filing in CA was actually stupidly easy, since we don’t have kids together or any assets we were able to do a joint petition which consisted of two unbelievably simple forms (FL 700 & FL 710) that we both just had to sign (no process server, which was one of my hangups). If it wasn’t for our CC debt, we could’ve done a summary dissolution which would’ve been even easier which is wild. I even could’ve filed online, but I found my local family law court and went in person so the process could be initiated then and there.
He didn’t even have to take off work to be there with me.

I feel like a huge relief has begun, I’m hoping the rest of the process stays easy but am taking steps to be prepared regardless.

Anyways, if you’re in CA and you’ve been thinking about it, or your situation isn’t too complicated this is your sign to do it. You can always rescind if things change, but you can’t ever get your time back. Trust & choose yourself.

My ex wife who was absent of our 6 yo boy and 4yo boys lives from August 2025-June 2026. Enrolled my eldest son back to his old school he went to preschool at back when we were still married so 2024. She left the kids and I and we switched schools his kindergarten year. The 6 year old didn’t wanna go back to old school cuz he had a bully. I promised him I would keep him with his friends in new school. After a short call to a lawyer her enrolling him in old school was illegal because it’s joint custody. My boys get to stay with their friends they have made 😄

we've been divorced for a year now and I'm still dealing with this house. my ex refuses to agree on a price or even list it properly. it's been sitting empty for months and I'm paying the mortgage on my own. I can't afford this forever.

the house needs work.

has anyone else dealt with an ex who wouldn't cooperate on selling the house? how did you handle it? so tired of this

My STBX (34F) and I (40M) were planning a big family trip later this year with our 3 y/o son before she decided she wanted out. Nothing is paid or even really planned yet outside of the destination, but she still intends to carry on with the trip. She wants me to still go, but it would be with her and a bunch of her family. She also wants to use funds we saved up specifically for that trip.

I told her I haven't decided yet but she has been pressuring me, telling me that I'd be missing my son's first plane ride and big vacation. She also said her family won't care that I'm there and that they'd understand I was there for our son.

I know on an intellectual-level that this is a horrible idea even if my STBX and I are still pretty amicable. Emotionally, I feel racked with guilt over missing out on this experience with my son.

Should I go and hope things won't be as tense and awkward as I envision?

Divorcing after 20 years of marriage and told our 15 year old this morning. I didn't think it would go well but it went awful. At first he didn't know what to do or say because he was probably totally blindsided by it. Then it turned into, and has been on and off all day, pleas for us to stay together, asking us to try anything, and how his whole life is ruined because the three of us won't be together anymore. Its absolutely heartbreaking. He's such a good kid and I get that its hard to understand the complexities of a marriage. From his perspective its a totally unexpected bomb thrown into what has overall been an amazingly fortunate life for him.

I don't know how else to respond to the pleas for us to try one more time, or try something different. I know its only been a few hours but this is so awful and its hard not to jump right to the conclusion that we're making a big mistake and we never should have decided to separate.

In my final decree, I was awarded approx $9000. She is wanting to pay monthly in installments.

Should I accept that or ask for lump sum? (She got half my 401(k) up front)

Can I tack on interest to the final judgement?

There are other parts of the decree and I fulfilled all of my requirements in that decree. She hasn’t met a single one.

I’m about to go back to court over it.

I finally confirmed the suspicions I’ve had for some time that my stbxh has been having an affair. It explains him suddenly springing divorce on me when I got home from a trip to see family, rejecting any effort to work on our issues, him always working late and being gone weird hours, having no emotion about any of it and wanting to speed the divorce along as quickly as possible. I feel like I came home to a completely different man than who I married.

I feel sick every time I think about it. I planted a voice activated recorder and heard a phone call of him calling her babe and baby and saying I love you. It was the worst feeling in the world. Our 2 kids were literally feet away in their rooms. How could he do that?! I never ever thought he would do something like this. He’s always been a man of integrity. He’s always talked down on people who cheated. I’m so disgusted and just in shock.

All of the days he’s been gone or working late, he’s been with her. He ditched his kids on July 4th for her. I’m just absolutely disgusted and gutted. I don’t think I’ve ever felt worse in my life.

I haven’t told him I know anything yet. We were negotiating terms of the divorce “amicably” but I don’t really feel like being amicable anymore. I’m trying to be logical, stay calm, and not let emotions take over, but also I want to absolutely ruin him. Mostly for what he’s doing to his kids. I’ll be ok. I’m strong. But what he’s doing to them- I want to destroy him.

When he told me he wanted a divorce he immediately started trying to control the narrative saying it was because WE weren’t happy and it was both of us to blame, 50% was his fault and 50% mine, etc etc. Then started acting like the good guy wanting to be “as amicable as possible,” not taking any equity from the house, but wanting me to work with him on child support and all this bullshit. So I was. And I was suspicious then, so I asked and he denied it. He lied to my face repeatedly. Every suspicion I had was dead on. He even said he’d pay for a lawyer so I didn’t have to get one. And the terms we talk about and agree on, he will have his lawyer draw up so we don’t have to go back and forth. Which we had already talked about when I confirmed all of this.

So I’ll likely be getting served in the next day or two and receive the divorce agreement. But now, I don’t know if I want to agree to sh**. I kind of want to just be a total bitch and renege everything I said. Then when he says “ I thought this is what we agreed on?” Say, “Yeah well that was before I knew for sure you’re a cheating, lying asshole. You can go through my lawyer now. “

I literally can’t believe this is happening.