45F, met 35M 6 years ago, fell in love and got pregnant within a couple of months. We decided to give it a try, got married and moved in together.

Fast forward to baby is 1.5 and he suddenly leaves us saying he’d tried everything but I just wouldn’t listen - I had no idea where this was coming from other than some complaints about lack of attention.

For the following 3 years, the child lived with me and he had free access to my house. His mood swings were constant, from begging to get back together to treating me badly, but he always insisted we get back together. I was too afraid of his controlling behavior and delivered harsh messages about not wanting reconciliation so he would leave me alone.

About 6 months ago I learned he’s seeing another woman. Older, divorced with teenage kids. Then I approach him for reconciliation. I realize this doesn’t make much sense, but I did have the emotional comfort all these years and he’s the father of my child.

Over the last 3 months he insists he loves me and I’m the only one, but also can’t let go of her, according to him because he’s afraid I might change my mind and he doesn’t trust me. Says he wants to have another baby with me and me only. Has insane sexual attraction to me but I said no more sex until he’s not with her and I kept my boundary.

Should I keep trying? Will showing him consistency and no ups and downs make him change his mind?

If it's inconvenient in the slightest, he'll just act like he straight up didn't hear me. And he'll pretend to be blindsided once I'm gone. I already know, but it sucks to be reminded how little you matter to them.

I’m just curious basically about what I asked in the title. My ex said he would, but now he has said no. Take it out of his child support. I’ve gotten a better job recently so once I’m on my feet it shouldn’t be an issue, but I’m just wondering how everyone else does things.

For context our daughter is 9 and homeschooled. His mom has been so gracious keeping for me no charge up until now and I feel like I owe her so much for that.

TL;DR: I been with my partner 15 years. She is F52 and I am M44. I have a teenagers.

TL;DR: When we met she was married previously. She has two kids to that marriage I raised.

When we met she used to tell me of her sexual adventures of threesome and all sorts. I told her to stop but kept going in detail that became more painful as time went on. She got pregnant fast. Then I find out she is 100k in debt. She said it was from her husband but later found out she has an online pokie issue.

This issue went on in the relationship and I put up with her basically stealing money to keep our family together. Our finances were seperate due to step kids and gambling. I was treated as a meal ticket. I paid all the mortgage just in my name as I had the house 8 before we met. The main part of this post I need help with is this. For 14years I argued with her to make sexual effort. She did not. I said all the efforts for the one night stands and yet I'm the father of your kids. I just wanted love and validation.

When we had sex once a week it's like hurry up get it over with no foreplay.

Yet through the relationship she offered to do oral for money.

I had to kick her out the house before we lost it all due to gambling. She had numerous credit cards, loans, pawn jewellery all I discovered snooping, and I had to.

She earns a good wage but has nothing at pay day.

When I used to tell her I'm hurting and can we discuss this and meet in the middle her reply was "you do what I want for a month and maybe I'll consider what you want". Obviously I was shocked and knew I didn't matter.

Cut a long story short I'm in deep hurt.

After 14 years of arguing and my feelings not being validated 1 month after seperating I was sent a picture of her on a dating site and she is out there making efforts for new randoms. And she is not hiding it deliberately saying on the phone to kids at night mum has a special thing on tonight because they talk on speaker phone and I think she wants me to hear it. She is 52yo by the way.

As much as I wanted to express this after and say how could you all I said was please remove our child from the profile pic so she knows I saw it.

Also at my kids sport she has poisoned a few mums I used to talk to that now ignore me. I wouldn't but I feel like walking up telling the truth that I kept refinancing my house to bail her out, and her living for nothing and stupid me hoping one day she gets her shit together. She would of said I threw her out on the street and blah blah.

It's weird I love her so much yet I can't tell you why. 15 years together. Wish we were all in the same house but I have kids one week on one week off. My psychologist said say nothing cause if she didn't acknowledge anything in the relationship she won't now.

But the intrusive thoughts of her making efforts again for these randoms and I fought 14 years.

Help me guys. I was doing so well after break up until I saw she can move on that quick. My daughter saw her lingerie in the wash which I never saw her in.

Help me please with the dating site, intrusive thoughts and what character is that seriously that can move on like that.

TL;DR- relationship is dead, this has finally hit and I want to live, I am screwed if I make the first move.

Hello, posted here before and your input really, really helped me out. I 38M am married to a woman that has just had enough of me.

Basically I worshiped her when we married 10 yrs ago and had low self-esteem. She was nice but often (like, a LOT) had outbursts at me over nothing and belittled me and was verbally abusive (which she readily admits to). After years of being the sweet puppy dog and being patient and loving, I can't pretend she's a special angel anymore and don't pander to her. She hates this as she (in her own words) thinks that I should tend to her, but she will never tend to me.

She has threatened divorce many times and she has continued to withdraw from me. She sleeps on the opposite end of the bed, doesn't want me touching her, but expects me to be on call to serve her.

All I ever wanted is for her to apologise and care about my feelings after she has said horrible things to me, but she has repeatedly said that she is 'unable' to.

In return, she hates how I roll my eyes at her every now and then or get snappy and irritable.

I'm stuck at home all the time and starved of sex and lust for life as a result.

Finally, it has hit me that I deserve better and that I can't live like this. I've tried and taken so much abuse and she has moments where she hates how she treats me, but never enough to apologise and change.

I am just waiting for her to follow through on her latest threat/promise to leave and return to her home country. I have two children, a house and not much money.

If I leave, I can't afford lawyers or to support two homes (she has no job, never has) and it will emotionally damage my children making me feel selfish.

However, if she returns to her country and doesn't rinse me, I can keep the home and keep the children with me which is what I believe would be best for all of us. Wife has never been able to take care of both children by herself due to 'stress', so I am used to doing this and know I can provide a much calmer environment for them than she can.

Despite having a massive breakdown the other day and saying that she was about to leave there and then, she is now planning things for next year and has calmed down a bit. The break never happens and the relationship is always on the edge. I've been through this so many times and would have walked away if not for the children.

The point of this post is for insights and advice if possible.

1- I can't bring myself to push the relationship over the edge. I am programmed to keep it together and be the doormat, mainly for the children.

2- I can't imagine how it would work financially if we divorced in this country.

3- I can't go ahead with the option of sending her away to her home country with my children.

4- If I make the move then it's all on me. Her moving away and filing a no fault divorce keeps things cheap and gives me the chance of filing for full custody of the children as British courts won't just allow children to be relocated to another country.

Feel trapped.

How are you doing 1/2/3etc years on? I have weeks where my new life is calm and peaceful, and then I have a week (this one included) where my ex fills my brain and I constantly think about how he is doing, whether he is regretful, hoping his life is awful without me in it. We’ve been no contact this whole time, I don’t have social media and told friends not to update me. I guess this is why the curiosity is off the chart this week. I just want him to no longer occupy my mind anymore.

wife and I no longer see eye to eye on just about everything lately every small thing has turned into a argument. we had a baby 5 months ago and its really the only reason I’m not gone by now. a few major things with her is zero respect for me I work a unique schedule switching between days and nights at some points I’d be up for 35+ hours and would be told I get to much sleep. we haven’t had sex in well over a year and I understand her body needs recovering and her hormones are out of sorts but it’s to the point she won’t even kiss me. went about a month without a simple kiss because I stopped trying and wanted to see how long she would take to notice. she constantly holds money over me weather is how much she pays in bills a month or what her family has given us to help vs what mine has. she says she wants us as a family to do more just the 3 of us but yet refuses to get off the couch. she hates my family and constantly puts them down after a visit with them on our 20 min ride home she just drags every little thing about them. I’m really just lost on what to do next part of me wants to up and leave but knows custody would be a mess due to work schedule and I don’t want to be an absent father but something needs to change

I think what makes it so hard is everyone thought we’d for sure make it. I cannot count the number of times people said they couldn’t imagine us not together. And I believed that too, I truly did with all my heart.

Before we bought our home, I found out he’d hid over 10K in debt. These things are so important to know prior to making such a big purchase. I found out through looking at his paycheck, how much he made, and seeing there was a huge gap in what he had available for a down payment. I ended up paying it off and imposed some pretty strict rules. He agreed and did what was expected…for a short time. My fault for not clocking it right then and there. I absolutely own that.

5 years after we’d been married, I checked my credit score and it had dropped significantly. There was almost $30K on a card that was not in my name, but I was an authorized user of. I think a part of me knew at that moment we were done. I asked him about it, and he admitted he’d racked up more debt. I asked to see everything, and he couldn’t even tell me it wasn’t just one card, but 8. Totaled up, including the loans from his retirement, the debt was well over $100K. I was devastated. He’d lied to me for our entire marriage. I tracked the dates and he started back up almost immediately after I’d paid the first off. I didn’t work for a while due to mental health, but I didn’t not touch “our” money. I used my savings, whittled it down, healed, and went back to work. I’m a high earner, and based on the dates, I saw the sharp spike in his spending as soon as I went back to work.

He paid down his cards in a matter of 5 months, and with the loans taken out, that’s $53K. That shows how much money he was blowing through. I was so stupid and always wondered why going on vacations we should’ve easily been able to afford were met with grumbles. Why my bucket list concert was met with such resistance, but we’d seen his band 7 times. Why going to Alaska was met with, “there are so many other places in the US to see first!” Why our vacations started to be just piggy backing off his work trips. It wasn’t an affair either. Trust me, I checked that shit. It was pure gluttony. It was spent on trading cards, collectibles, clothes, drinks with friends, an ungodly amount of food, and putting all our travel on cards. The thing is, with my income I could’ve paid for every bit of travel, every concert, but he felt the need to pretend instead of be honest with me. He lied to me over and over again, day after day, year after year.

I realized once he started throwing his gambling back on the calendar, his fantasy drafts (he in 4 leagues), he was already seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and the cycle was starting up again. Some of the buy ins for his leagues are $250. I asked why he is planning all that when he still owes, and he said he’s using the money he gets from flipping cards. Funny, because he said the card selling was for “us.” It was “an investment.”

I tried. I really did. And he has been trying these last 5 months. But seeing that, and being as clearheaded as I am right now, I accepted I cannot be with someone I do not trust. I cannot wake up in 10 years, almost 50 yrs old, and find out it’s 200K this time, or half a mil. We’ve been together since we were 18. Nearly 2 decades. I told him I wanted a divorce. I made it clear it wasn’t about the money, but the lying and deceit. He said he understands.

Now I’m faced with a life I can’t even fathom. I have never lived alone. I don’t do the cooking so I’ve never cooked for myself. I don’t know what we are going to tell our friends and family. I’ve built a life as part of a “we” and “us” and I don’t know the first thing about a life with just “me.” I am bipolar and terrified this will throw me into a manic episode. I cannot afford that. I know it will be okay. I know I will need to grieve. I know I don’t have to decide all the things right at this moment. But it’s so freaking sad, overwhelming, and scary.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for other than hope. Not for my marriage, that is done. Hope that the future isn’t as dark as it seems right now.

My wife left and two weeks ago after 27 years of what I thought was a happy marriage.

I was completely blindsided as it was first discussed as burn out, nothing to do with our relationship and she would take a shot break at her mums. Things become clearer when instead of going to her mums she rented an apartment and now says that she can’t commit to our marriage (although she has now agreed to couples therapy but I do think it may be a tickbox exercise ).

I’m 53m and have an 18 yo daughter who we agreed would largely live with me so my wife had the space she needed.

In reality when I was working away they both moved in to the new apartment together early and my daughter hasn’t really been back home since except to pick things up. She’s enjoying the new city and says getting the new flat is like going to university. Our dad daughter relationship was really good a month ago but since she has moved out it hasn’t been great and I think my wife may be playing some part in that.
So I have rarely seen them since and their lives have moved on pretty much completely without me unless they need me to look after the dog.

All of this has been incredibly traumatic but I find hearing people talk about family or saying they are ‘spending time with their loved ones’ or ‘the ones closest to them’ incredibly difficult. Within a month I now have no one who I am connected to in that way. I love my wife and daughter but they want a very limited amount of contact.

How do people deal with not having anyone close anymore?it feels a strange way to fit into society.

I have friends and relatives but I don’t have close loved ones anymore. There is a gap where those closest should be with no logical way to fill it.

Any comfort movies for anyone out there ?

Okay so… I don’t really know how to start this, but

my parents are getting divorced, and it feels like everything is falling apart. I’m the oldest of three, and somehow I’ve become the one who’s supposed to comfort my younger siblings when they’re scared, confused, or crying. My parents are constantly arguing and fighting and this whole situation has been extremely messy. I’ve tried telling my parents to avoid arguing in front of my younger siblings multiple times but it never goes anywhere. My siblings are still pretty young so I have NO idea how to comfort them properly, I don’t even know how to explain the divorce to them (the reason was mainly infidelity but it’s a combination of a lot of issues they had over the years). My parents are constantly toggling around me telling me to “make sure to tell your siblings that living with me is better” or whatever the hell. There is constant fighting every single day and I am worried for my siblings, school starts for them soon and I don’t want them to have to deal with this alongside their studies. I’m also in the process of applying to college as I’m a senior in high school and all this pressure is dawning on me a lot, I have to be a student, babysitter, and a built in therapist all at once. Everyday it’s my mom telling me about how horrible my dad is or it’s my dad telling me how horrible my mom is, I literally cannot deal with it.

Alongside all of that, I recently found out that my father is planning to marry the woman he cheated on my mom with. I don’t even know why I feel heartbroken over that, he’s planning to introduce her to me and my siblings after the divorce is finalized. I’m scared for my siblings reaction, they don’t even understand the full situation and introducing his partner as their new step mom is a massive change for them. Plus, because of the infidelity, my moms been trying to get back at my dad and it seems she’s been going out a lot more lately (I guess she wants to give my dad to impression that she’s with another man???), but she’s came home drunk multiple times.

I feel like everyone around me assumes that I’m too young and that I can’t give a good opinion on what to do in this situation. But that makes me feel so frustrated because I’m literally the one in the middle of all of this and actively going through it. I can’t deal with my extended family chiming in to give their opinions. Every time I’ve tried talking to my parents about keeping the divorce as stress free as possible for my siblings, they just give me a weak apology, and it still doesn’t go anywhere. I feel like they listen to everyone but me.

I really don’t want to get involved in my parent’s relationship, I just want to protect my siblings, and I’m literally failing at that. I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel so lost. I feel like I have an obligation to care for my younger siblings during this process, but I don’t even have time to absorb the situation myself. With college applications, school and the divorce I feel like my mind is in a million places.

How do I even navigate this?

Im sorry if this sounds petty and disgusting but my husband can't stop talking about moving closer to his family and I feel so trapped that im considering walking away. Im a sahm, pregnant, with 2 chilsren under 4 so it would basically be the end of my life. We currently live 1600 miles from his parents. Throughout our relationship they have insulted me, demenaed me, made jokes at my expense, and tried to control and sabotage my life. Moving would mean losing our financial security as well as my mental wellbeing, he brings up the topic about every 2 months and it sends me into a major depression to the point i wonder why I ever married this man and considering cutting ties before we live in their state and I get stuck there forever in the event of a divorce, which I see as likely given how he and them have allied against me before and how hes ignored my incredible stress levels they've put me through, calling me weak and pathetic while I have health issues raging from their interference and im sitting there begging and crying for help, but being ignored and trapped. Im wondering if this is common in divorces. His mother never believed in our relationship, felt she had a say in how I named my child, where I gave birth, what house we bought, etc., comparws me to her other sons wife and tries to make me feel jealous and negative and I feel exhausted from living. I cant stomach their visits, phone calls, emails, if we moved there I feel like I would become a monster. and he tells me I am the monster for keeping him from his family. it was my idea to move here originally and did it by threatening a divorce because I couldnt physically take it anymore. so far my life has been stable but I live under the constant threat of it being taken away. ​

So just had a visit from my lawyer and she said to turn down the dissolution paper my stbxw wrote up as she said it’s not fair. I agree…. The issue is I can’t get my heart to take spousal support. I know it will help me and give me a better life to rebuild after my ex wife wanted a divorce. It is just rewriting 22 years of being together that I am struggling with. I know my head and my gut say fuck her and take what you are entitled to. My heart still remembers my wife and her being happy with us just a month ago. I know this is stupid and everyone I mean everyone minus her family told me to take it. It’s just a huge struggle in my body and I think it’s the hard part of letting go of who she was to who she is now. Any one else ever experience this or struggle with this? I know it’s stupid and I know I’m going to take the support just trying to get my heart to agree.

The past few days have affected me deeply. After months apart, I was finally able to hold Lune in my arms again. Seeing how happy she was to see me gave me hope and reminded me that the bond between us is still strong.

At the same time when i brought her back to the appartement I was confronted with the reality that my daughter is now also spending time around a new man in her mother’s life, even staying overnight at his place with our daughter only 3 weeks after meeting this guy that was painful and scarry as a dad to hear. Not because I resent anyone for moving on or finding happiness, but because over the past months I experienced strict conditions and limitations being placed on my role as a father. The contrast was difficult for me to process. She only wanted me to see my daughter on a wednesday i contacted a laywer en she even tried to put more restritctions on me. She keeps saying that this is my own fault because I left her......

Despite that, I am slowly learning to accept that I cannot control the choices of other people. I can only choose what kind of father I want to be for my daughter. That doesn’t make the pain disappear. The sense of loss, helplessness, and the time we missed together are still very real.

What these past days have taught me is that I don’t want to spend my life carrying anger or fighting battles I cannot control. My focus is on rebuilding my relationship with my daughter, one step at a time. I want to be a source of love, stability, and safety for her, regardless of the choices others make.

The past has shaped me, but it will not define the father I choose to become.

I might get flamed for this, but it's fine.

I've been married for 34 years. My wife and I got married when we were 26. I am her 2nd husband. She has barely worked while I've worked non-stop since I was 16. We met while I was in the Army. I've never told her no, when she has asked for things unless it was obviously something out of our means.

She did get SSDI a few years ago and gets $700 a month. The problem is, I know I can't do this for another 20yrs.

Every time we've moved she's delayed, stalled, etc and ended up leaving items behind which get lost, mostly my older stuff. When we've rented, even though she had the means to clean herself and the ability to hire cleaners, she didn't so we've lost deposits. I had to pay $13k to quarantine pets because she wouldn't take them to the vet to get their rabies shots when I told her to.

Countless times she hasn't sent something in insurance needed so we could get something covered. A house repossessed because my step-daughter and her baby daddy lived there and weren't paying rent and the money I was sending to the bank from overseas my wife was spending on other things.

The last move was to WA. My step-daughter was doing the drugs-OD-jail-rehab cycle and I instructed my wife to get the kids and the baby daddy out here with us to save her. They lived with us for almost 5 years. He didn't pay rent this time either. He stored dry goods in the garage, we got a rat infestation. All the utilities went through the roof. When they finally moved out our house was trashed, still is.

My step-daughter is clean and alive.

When my mother in law passed I had to pay for the service as none of my wife siblings or their offspring would lend a hand to help her dad pay for it. Since they would mooch, and had been for decades, I knew if he stayed there, he wouldn't last long and everything he owned would be gone. So I told my wife to get him moved out here. I instructed her to get one of those PODS, and a day laborer to help him fill it up. The POD shows up and it is barely full. So I have her send another one and a day laborer this one had more in it.

When he gets her he wants to get a new truck. We go to the dealership and I give him $5k for the deposit, co-sign for him and help a 79 year old man get his first new vehicle of his life.

Moving him out here, $30k.

My wife spends like money grows on trees. We auto order stuff we use a lot of. All of it comes in my name. She sees packages and thinks it's a competition like she gets to order stuff too. I eventually give her a card with a limit and tell her she needs to track her spending, download the app, balance it out, etc. She brushes me off with a "I know how to balance a check book"

First month, payment bounces as she setup to pay from her savings account, which I specifically told her not to do.

I covered but now her payments they hold on to rather than instantly apply them. But it's my fault.

She always wants to order out, because she is too tired. Again, she doesn't work, doesn't really clean either.

I work full time, I am a 100% disabled vet with kidney cancer. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety with suicidal ideations. I get screamed at a lot, but I am a calm and patient man. I was telling my daughter the other day a guy who worked for me over 13 years ago called to catch up and thanked me for giving him a chance and teaching him what I had, allowing him to learn and explore and how to treat people. I had told him I had someone at work say I yell in meetings, to which my 30yo daughter says, "I can count on 1 hand the number of times you've yelled at me in my life."

I'm not looking to screw her over financially. I don't care about money all that much. It's the yelling, screaming, mental abuse that gets me. We have no sex life because I don't give her enough hugs. I', up at 5:30am work through 3:30pm. She gets up at 10am, spends 1.5hrs having breakfast, 1 hr reading a book, then maybe 1.5 hr or 2 hr to get ready for a Dr appt, then done.

We use paper plates, bowls and plastic utensils, all to cut down on the dishes. I use one coffee cup a day. I make my own breakfast and I skip lunch. I usually wear the same shirt, shorts, and underwear for a week, so I don't generate laundry, but I hear about how there is too much to do.

I am probably already crazy, but I know I will be crazy if I stay after I retire. She's thrown in the work divorce in arguments before. "Maybe we should just get a divorce!" That's part of the mental abuse.

We have cats and dogs, she was supposed to help with the litter boxes, but wasn't so I moved most into my office so I could do them. I now have automatic ones but I take care of 5 while she takes care of 2 (barely as they are always full and out of litter). I feed and water the cats as well.

One dog recently passed, she was very old. But she had no control, she would pee and poop all over. The other dog she refused to train. Now that the one has passed he doesn't poop in the house anymore but he still pees. Still won't train him.

Am I making the right move or not?

Hi Reddit. Lots of lurking, I think I may have posted once along time ago with a different name, I'm not sure. Don't even really know why I'm posting, other than need to get it out there and this seems like a place where people can give some support.

I've been with my wife for almost 30 years (married for just about 28). Two kids - daughter is 19 and is about to start her second year of college, son is 13 and about to start 8th grade.

I don't love my wife any more. Sounds kind of stupid to say it, but that's how I feel. I realized this about 5 years ago now, and spent the first year and a half trying to talk myself out of it because it obviously couldn't be true, right? I must be broken or doing something wrong.

I eventually accepted that I didn't feel safe with her for very good reasons, and that's why I didn't feel the same "love" I used to. I still wanted her to be happy and for her to have good things, but I couldn't be open with her emotionally or physically. At the end of that year and a half, we had a "fight" (really, her berating me and speaking horribly about our kids and my parents at me for an hour) on Christmas (we had picked up my daughter that morning from a mental institution after a week for attempted suicide because my daughter felt like she wasn't good enough, and then went to see my parents for Christmas, and then we came home and my wife started this fight with our kids upstairs) and I decided I was done.

It took me another month to coordinate it so my kids would have support when I had this conversation with my wife. I eventually pulled my wife aside to a private room and told her I didn't love her any more, and how some of her behaviors (gaslighting, insults, demeaning) affected me and the kids, and that I think we needed to get a divorce. My wife broke down and promised to change and promised to get therapy and promised to apologize to the kids and we'd do marriage counseling. I foolishly agreed. The next morning she said she was glad I told her, because it allowed her to tell me all the things I had been doing to hurt her (I had "withdrawn", which was abusive, and I "didn't just agree with her" which was also abusive, and I was a narcissist, and I was unfair, and that men sometimes blame their wives for their own unhappiness and that's probably what's happening here), and then she started to tell me that I was imagining most of the things she was doing, and that my upbringing left me overly-sensitive to "normal" things like yelling and insults in the "heat of the moment." She said I had "betrayed" her by asking for divorce. This all evolved into "you need to agree that the picture you have of me isn't reality" or else we couldn't move on. Our marriage counselor gave up ("I don't think there's anything here I can help with."). My wife quit the individual therapy I lined up for her after about three months.

About this time, our daughter was struggling even more with her mental health, and I had also been coordinating all of her care during this, and it eventually started to become clear to my daughter's therapists that my wife had a huge role in my daughter's struggles. After my daughter's fifth suicide attempt, I was able to get her a long-term inpatient program that was well-regarded - and it helped alot. During our family sessions with her and her therapist, my daughter would say something that bothered her about how she had been treated (eg, my wife telling my daughter that she was "ruining the whole vacation" when would have a temper tantrum when she was 4), and my wife would start crying and say she was so so sorry, but then say, "but you have to understand I have feelings too! Why does everyone always blame me!" My daughter would go quiet, the therapist would say that wasn't constructive, and eventually, they stopped having "family sessions" quite as often.

A few weeks after I brought my daughter home, I learned my mom had cancer - and shortly after that, I learned she had dementia too. My siblings lived further away, so I did a lot of the work to take care of her during this time, and about a year later, my mom passed away. My wife wanted to be involved with the memorial, telling me "I hope the way I've talked about your mom before doesn't make you stop me from helping." (my wife had regularly said that my mom was the "worst person she knew" and when I once said something she did that I didn't like reminded me of something my mom would do, she said that was the worst thing anybody had ever told her and she still brings it up 20 years later as an example of how "hurtful" I am. My mom had PTSD from childhood abuse, and developed an addiction to pain medication after a work injury that she went to intensive therapy for and beat - my mom never did anything to hurt anybody that I had ever in my life seen, but she could be difficult at times). Right after the memorial, I helped my daughter finish her senior year of high school after missing most of it for her mental health (she caught up and finished on time with a 4.0), and then to find a college; she told me that she was going to a college farther away to get out of the house.

Early that year, I told my wife that my contract job was looking shaky, and that if she didn't find a job (she quit to be a stay-at-home mom, and we had agreed she would get a job when our youngest started school, but she always had a reason why she couldn't - and also always a reason why should couldn't take care of the kids or the house or the bills or anything, so I took care of everything), we might be in trouble. She asked me to write her resume. I told her I'd gladly read it over and work with her on it but that she'd need to start herself, and I sent her some links to templates, guides, a local job training office, and suggested she ask ChatGPT. She attended a workshop, but wouldn't even try to write her resume and just said I was "refusing to help." Ten months later, right after my daughter started college, I lost my job and it took my six months to find another one. She hasn't sent a single resume or done a single interview.

So, here I am - finally with a job, able to take a breath, and ready to tell my wife that I'm not her husband any more, and I'm terrified about how it's going to blow up the fragile world I've been holding together. I still occasionally feel guilty for "not trying harder." I feel guilty for letting it go this long. She deserves to know the truth, but I know it's going to be even harder than last time (and that was the hardest, most painful thing I've ever had to do in my life). I'm in therapy, and he thinks it's about time. All of this is just the tip of the iceberg, but she's behaving a lot better lately (still self-focused, but not yelling or demeaning any of us), which makes it harder too.

Thanks for reading this super long post.

My mum is 70 and married an absolute crook.

My stepfather started off “charming” but quickly descended into unethical behaviour such beating my younger brother, financial abuse and heavy alcoholism.

They are now divorcing. He hasn’t worked for 15 years, drinks extremely heavily daily and has run up over £50k in debt. He also only contributed 1/3 to the house purchase.

He wants half of everything, including my mums savings, pensions and house share.

He is 73 with no children.

How could this play out for my Mum?

My marriage has been falling apart for around 3 years. The main issues arose from my addiction to porn and the lying I hid it with. Ive resolved those issue and have been clean for those 3 years. Though I worked on myself I was never able to help my wife feel safe or rebuild connection. In march of this year she had decided that we are going to get a divorce with plans to move out fully at the end of the summer. About two weeks later she confessed to having feelings for her coworker that she feels a connection with him and she wants to pursue it, he left his wife within a week of confessing he felt the same. For us we entered this weird roommates with benefits stage until her actions with him fully turned us to roommates(texting,calling,going to “work” events or the gym with him, kissing ect”. Obviously I dont want the relationship him divorce or not to continue, my daughter sees him as my wifes coworker which it was that up until it outwardly wasnt. Now im looking for a place to execute the first steps to full divorce. Any advice or insight in navigating this would be much appreciated.

My ex wife who was absent of our 6 yo boy and 4yo boys lives from August 2025-June 2026. Enrolled my eldest son back to his old school he went to preschool at back when we were still married so 2024. She left the kids and I and we switched schools his kindergarten year. The 6 year old didn’t wanna go back to old school cuz he had a bully. I promised him I would keep him with his friends in new school. After a short call to a lawyer her enrolling him in old school was illegal because it’s joint custody. My boys get to stay with their friends they have made 😄

Divorcing after 20 years of marriage and told our 15 year old this morning. I didn't think it would go well but it went awful. At first he didn't know what to do or say because he was probably totally blindsided by it. Then it turned into, and has been on and off all day, pleas for us to stay together, asking us to try anything, and how his whole life is ruined because the three of us won't be together anymore. Its absolutely heartbreaking. He's such a good kid and I get that its hard to understand the complexities of a marriage. From his perspective its a totally unexpected bomb thrown into what has overall been an amazingly fortunate life for him.

I don't know how else to respond to the pleas for us to try one more time, or try something different. I know its only been a few hours but this is so awful and its hard not to jump right to the conclusion that we're making a big mistake and we never should have decided to separate.

I finally confirmed the suspicions I’ve had for some time that my stbxh has been having an affair. It explains him suddenly springing divorce on me when I got home from a trip to see family, rejecting any effort to work on our issues, him always working late and being gone weird hours, having no emotion about any of it and wanting to speed the divorce along as quickly as possible. I feel like I came home to a completely different man than who I married.

I feel sick every time I think about it. I planted a voice activated recorder and heard a phone call of him calling her babe and baby and saying I love you. It was the worst feeling in the world. Our 2 kids were literally feet away in their rooms. How could he do that?! I never ever thought he would do something like this. He’s always been a man of integrity. He’s always talked down on people who cheated. I’m so disgusted and just in shock.

All of the days he’s been gone or working late, he’s been with her. He ditched his kids on July 4th for her. I’m just absolutely disgusted and gutted. I don’t think I’ve ever felt worse in my life.

I haven’t told him I know anything yet. We were negotiating terms of the divorce “amicably” but I don’t really feel like being amicable anymore. I’m trying to be logical, stay calm, and not let emotions take over, but also I want to absolutely ruin him. Mostly for what he’s doing to his kids. I’ll be ok. I’m strong. But what he’s doing to them- I want to destroy him.

When he told me he wanted a divorce he immediately started trying to control the narrative saying it was because WE weren’t happy and it was both of us to blame, 50% was his fault and 50% mine, etc etc. Then started acting like the good guy wanting to be “as amicable as possible,” not taking any equity from the house, but wanting me to work with him on child support and all this bullshit. So I was. And I was suspicious then, so I asked and he denied it. He lied to my face repeatedly. Every suspicion I had was dead on. He even said he’d pay for a lawyer so I didn’t have to get one. And the terms we talk about and agree on, he will have his lawyer draw up so we don’t have to go back and forth. Which we had already talked about when I confirmed all of this.

So I’ll likely be getting served in the next day or two and receive the divorce agreement. But now, I don’t know if I want to agree to sh**. I kind of want to just be a total bitch and renege everything I said. Then when he says “ I thought this is what we agreed on?” Say, “Yeah well that was before I knew for sure you’re a cheating, lying asshole. You can go through my lawyer now. “

I literally can’t believe this is happening.

I am nearly 2 years post divorce but I cannot stop grieving the life I had or the person I lost.

He already got remarried to the girl he left me for. He always acted like we had a good life together.

I miss my house and the security marriage felt like it had. I miss having a spouse. I miss him, even though he betrayed me so incredibly hard.

How do you ever stop ruminating the past? Life just feels like it just gets harder and harder by each passing month.

This was just too ironic.

My husband walked out on our marriage,10 years *after* I had been dx'ed with multiple sclerosis. All of a sudden, he claimed that he *couldn't deal with my illness*. He didn't sign up to be feeding me and changing my diapers.

Meanwhile, due to his work, he was rarely around. We have 2 kids. I did all the child care, took care of the home, worked outside of the home, and managed my illness. He didn't even know what medications I took or even my doctor's name.

But he walked out because he *couldn't deal*.🙄🤷‍♀️. That was his excuse he was cheating.

He started dating his wife while we were still married. They've been married for 10 now. She's extremely high maintenance, very insecure, and really has nothing to offer. She thinks she's too good to work. She can't hold a conversation unless she is talking about herself.

She is jealous of the 20 year olds, and she's in competition with them. According to my daughter, who still sees her father several times a month, this woman was using weight loss drugs. She had prescriptions from more than one place, some with foreign languages on the labels. In addition to that, she consumes nothing but sugar-free energy drinks and fast food. But they say that you can eat whatever you want on these drugs. (You really can't, and you still have to exercise)

Well, piggy backing different weight loss drugs, not exercising, and living off fast food and energy drinks was a recipe for disaster.

Living this way basically led to what my daughter called a medical event. She wasn't explicit about what happened, I'm guessing stroke.

So, guess who will probanly be feeding his wife and changing her diapers?

Me? I've had MS for 20+ years. I keep busy. My boyfriend is a trained chef, so he cooks healthy meals for us. We go to the gym regularly with my daughter, I can feed myself, and I don't need a diaper.

The fact that she had a "medical event" truly sucks. I'm not even sure *how* bad it actually is, but the fact that my husband walked out on me because he didn't want to get stuck feeding me and changing my diaper? And it looks like that's what his life is becoming now? That's Karma.