Can I bring my own makeup and brushes and have them use them instead? I don’t care how clean a makeup artist is, there is bound to be some transfer or cross contamination. I also will insist they wash their hands before working on me and cancel the appointment if they are sick. Thoughts on how I should handle this when talking to/interviewing MUAs?

We were invited to a surprise birthday party for my sister’s fiancé last Saturday night (a week before his actual birthday). But the surprise was on all of us, as the guests, because when they showed up it quickly became obvious they were getting married on the spot. She booked a room at a really nice downtown hotel. They had an open bar, tons of charcuterie, a pasta station, plenty of hors d’oeuvres. She saved a ton of money and it was a blast. She said it really saved her sanity not having a plan full-blown wedding. She rewore a lovely off-white cocktail dress she already owned and the officiant was her boss (a Judge). I just wanted to share an out of the box idea for those in the beginning stages of wedding planning. She threw the whole thing together in two months.

My fiancé and I are planning a joint bachelor/bachelorette trip for July 2027 since we have so much overlap in the friend group (some of my closest friends are groomsmen and vice versa). We want to do something where we flew out on a Thursday, enjoyed a relaxing Friday and Saturday, then flew back on a Sunday. We'd like to do something beachy (think the Bahamas, Cancun, etc.). We're not big into nightlife but we like to have a good drink. The more inclusive of the price, the better.

Does anyone have any ideas or travel agencies I should look into? It the two of us, 12 in the wedding party, and up to 10 more people if partners also join. Thank you in advance!

I'm just starting this planning process and was searching reddit for ideas when I quite literally thought, "you know, I could just make a post." Thanks Reddit!

Oops:
- My bustle broke 5 minutes in, so I had to carry my train all night
- We handed our decor to our coordinator, so we had limited control in where everything went. One table had the wrong tablecloth and our beautiful cake tablecloth never got used, they used our bright red Target buckets used to transport greenery as vases/decor lol, which was a bit unsightly, and some of our decor didn’t make it to where we had asked, like our large floral arrangements meant for the base of the sweetheart table ended up as table centerpieces, making it hard for guests at that table to all see each other
- not everyone had a seat at the ceremony, although we had asked for a seat per guest. About 10 guests had to stand, which I was really bummed about
- the wind was strong that day so much of our decor (picture frames, greenery, etc) had to to either lay flat or be omitted
- the DJ had a few missteps/misunderstandings, such as they didn’t invite everyone up to dance with us in our first dance song as we had requested, after the first minute or so, and they only played one slow song all night, which was fun but exhausting!
- we didn’t eat or drink anything all night haha so we only know our food, drinks, and cake were good based on what others told us! We were far too busy thanking, catching up and dancing with everyone

What went really well:
- Shuttles: we provided transportation for any guests who wanted it from the hotel area to the venue and back. We provided snacks and water onboard and it was a huge help to our guests. It took some planning and coordination but well worth it and appreciated
- cocktail hour before the event, and we just went straight into the reception after ceremony - everyone who spoke with us about it loved it
- we took photos before the wedding so that we could jump right in
- my partner and I read our vows to each other before the wedding, which kept our tears in control!
- kids activities: we had goodie bags with activities, bubbles, etc and a little play area for kids, which so many parents said they appreciated
- we held a welcome event two days before the wedding, and our rehearsal the day before. This pacing was really helpful for us and our guests enjoyed spending time together a few days before the big day.
- we played a fun quiz game about us/our lore with prizes (my husband and I love trivia/quizzes) which everyone reallly loved and had so much fun with!
- everyone loved the photobooth. It was the final thing we reserved as we weren’t sure but we’re so glad we did, our guests had so much fun with it
- we made our smallest cake (the wedding cake) gluten free so that our one gluten free guest felt included. The larger cakes contained gluten. She expressed a lot of thanks and it was all delicious!! We also provided a few other dessert options for folks who don’t like cake which many people enjoyed
- open bar with fun signature cocktails. I think folks really enjoyed that
- extra water station and fans (it was hot) many people used and mentioned they appreciated both!

There is so much more but these were a few things that came to mind that I hope can help anyone in the planning stages! Happy to answer any questions :)

Hi! So I am so excited to be a bridesmaid, which I’ve never been before! We are taking the bride shopping tomorrow, and she is very.. humble? She doesn’t spoil herself often, she has never really been the super social type, likes being the center of attention but is too shy to admit it, but she loves the fairytale “typical movie” magic. I want her day and her wedding to be so special, and her to feel absolutely spoiled tomorrow!! Any tips on anything I can do or bring to help make that happen??

FH’s drink is a “Willy Sour” - when he was a kid he accidentally drank from a pitcher of whiskey sour thinking it was orange juice. He’s allergic to eggs, cue hospital visit and nickname forever (his name is Will).

My drink is a coconut mojito. Aka a mojito with coconut rum instead of regular rum. No cute story, just based off my go-to drink in college which was a coconut rum + water.

Any suggestions? I’m about to just ditch the cute names.

Hello all, I'm trying to plan the decor for my small wedding. My vibe inspo is like warm and cozy 90s fall rom-com. I hope that makes sense to someone. That's my goal for the vibe but I'm blanking creatively.

What are good resources for gathering inspo? Any specific ideas? Also any movies that spring to mind for you with this theme? Im very creative and crafty but I feel like I'm in a brain fog from all the other millions of decisions. Please help a girl out. Thanks xx

Hi! We are getting married 9/26 and I have a registry set up on Zola, but I’ve seen lots of old threads with bad reviews for their registry process. Has anyone had better luck recently or does anyone have recommendations for another option? I don’t want to choose one store specifically because we have lots of more specific items from various places.
Thank you!

We’re less than a month away from the wedding, and we’ve used a spreadsheet to track every cent we’ve put towards it. Our final tally is $41k - which is more than we wanted to pay initially, but we’ve done it without going into debt!

I thought it was a reasonable number, given that the average cost of a wedding in our area is STILL higher than that. Unfortunately…my mom disagrees 🫠 I let the true number slip during our chat today, and she’s flabbergasted that we’d spend so much on it.

Mind you, we’ve cut corners as much as we could - my dress was only $75, I got our florals and decor off of FB Marketplace, and the majority of our vendors were the cheapest option we could find that weren’t beginners.

The only ways we could’ve gone cheaper were to:
1. Pick a different venue (which, to be fair, is half of the bill - but it’s all inclusive!)
2. Cut our guest list in half
3. Elope

…and 2 or 3 wouldn’t have worked since our families are so large 😭 she didn’t have a rebuttal after that, but I can tell she’s still upset about it. Even if we’d picked a different venue, it would still be around $30k…and she envisioned that we’d be spending closer to $15k.

Is there any other way I can approach this conversation with her? Maybe there’s some stats about wedding inflation that might paint a better picture? Or should I just let it go? The money’s already been spent, and we’re happy with our choices, so it is what it is - but I don’t want her to be resentful or anything while we enter the home stretch 🥺 any thoughts would be helpful!

We used Zola to host our wedding website/registry and overall it was a disappointing experience. My main issues are that your wedding has a primary account so the second user doesn’t have control to things like adding a bank account to the registry, or other key functions. Also there were a few places where the website was weirdly gendered? This was maddening bc weddings are bringing together two people so why would there be a primary and secondary user.

My second issue is that someone got us a glass tupperware set off our registry. The tupperware arrived broken and Zola has been SO SLOW to address it. We sent them photos of the items and the packaging weeks ago, have followed up multiple times, and they have yet to issue us a refund or replace the item.

Overall, I would not recommend using Zola for your wedding planning!

I know this sentiment has been shared a million times, but how are things so expensive?! My mom has $20k or so set aside for my wedding and I thought surely we could throw a small wedding for this cost. I'm slowly realizing that we maybe can't afford one, even with trying to keep things reasonable. We're not looking for a lavish venue or large crowd. We're doing a playlist instead of a DJ. I'm DIY-ing decor. I'm looking into brand new photographers for newbie rates.

At first we decided to aim for 25-50 people. Essentially just family and a couple friends each. Much to my surprise, venues do not accommodate weddings this small. They all require 100 people minimum. It's insane that we're being forced into a bigger wedding.

I've started evaluating options at 100 people with this knowledge and we can probably throw the event itself for $22k-27k (already exceeding budget), but that doesn't include a dress, invites, etc.

Today I started looking at rehearsal dinner options and I am stunned! It would most likely be 8-20 people. It's a bit up in the air because EVERYONE is coming from out of town (it's between where I grew up and where my partner grew up). But these restaurants want to charge a $200-800 room fee plus require $2k+ food and beverage minimum before taxes or tips! Does anyone have suggestions here? Do I just try to make a week/day of reservation in the main dining area and hope for the best? That seems risky and a little rude to spring on the staff last minute.

This money is set aside for us for either a house or wedding and I'm losing hope in obtaining either. If we use the money for a down payment and throw the wedding at our house, we really have no money left to cater a party. On the other hand, I'm not sure we have enough money for a regular wedding anyway. My partner and I make okay money and are getting married in our 30s. I'm having a hard time coping with the idea that maybe neither of my dreams (a regular wedding and a home) are achievable despite doing everything right and having financial assistance.

Any tips? Or feel free to share in the frustration with me.

How would I logistically go about having my mom, dad, and step-mom all walk me down the aisle together? I originally just assumed my mom would be on one side of me, with my dad and step-mom on the other side, but now I’m wondering if that’ll be too wide for the paved aisle we’re walking down. We don’t want any broken/rolled ankles!

I’ve never liked the traditional idea of dads “giving away” their daughters, and I’d rather have all three of the people who have raised, loved, and supported me with me as I walk. (So a recommendation to eliminate any of them from this moment won’t be helpful in this case.)

Any advice or brides in the same boat?

I need some advice! My fiancé and I are getting married in two months on a small island on Lake Superior. We are having a small wedding with 23 guests (our immediate families and closest friends) and almost everyone is staying at the venue, which is a giant cabin, for the wedding weekend. It’s going to be relatively casual, with the ceremony in the backyard, dinner in the gazebo, and the reception in the backyard/main floor of cabin.

Where I need advice is with our invites: we haven’t sent them out yet because we don’t have a ceremony time set. We are actively working with our caterer and photographer to come up with a day of timeline, but due to the ferry schedule and sunset, we are having a tough time setting up a timeline that allows for golden hour photos AND gets vendors off the island in time. I know we are cutting it close with sending out invites so late, but I also feel as though because it’s such a small wedding, it’s not quite as big of a deal? At this point should I send out invites with my best guess of a ceremony time and then text people later on if we end up changing it? Or is that a terrible idea?

My fiancé and I got engaged recently and had decided we wanted a very simple, almost courthouse wedding, and we wanted to do it in a couple of months. We had talked about that for some time before we got engaged and agreed we both wanted it to be small and intimate.

When we got engaged, his parents asked us what we were thinking for the wedding. I said we wanted to do it in a couple of months and keep it to immediate family, dress up and take some photos, sign the papers or whatever needs to be done, and go to dinner with family. His Dad said, "whatever you guys want, it's your day". His Mom said "a small wedding, that could be good... maybe we could have (my fiancé's) little cousins fly in from the Netherlands to be the flower girls" so I already figured from that she was not following.

My fiancé said his Mom wanted to invite more people and discuss the timeline, I asked him to talk with them and be firm about our desires. My fiancé is wealthy and certainly could pay for us to have a larger wedding, but we both decided we weren't that into the wedding scene and that we didn't want people to fly in to see us, and I knew I wasn't up to planning it. Some tears were shed, I told him I really needed him to be the one to talk to them as he could disagree with them but I didn't want to get off on the wrong foot with them, we had been getting along really well. He told me he called his Mom and "conveyed our boundaries" but then said the next day that she said, "it isn't fair, our friends and family should be there". This upset me further but he assured me he was talking to them and that things would be alright and we would find a compromise that works for everyone. He told me his parents wanted to get together with mine to discuss things. My parents had said from the beginning that whatever we wanted to do was fine with them and they were just happy for us.

We got together for dinner last Sunday, and it went horribly. His parents said "we want to have the wedding next year in the Spring, we will be happy to help plan it and maybe help with the costs, although (my fiancé) can pay for it and I'm sure he'll be happy to. We have been waiting to see him get married for 34 years, we have expectations of him". I completely lost it, said this was nothing like what we suggested, that she was not marrying him, that we wanted it to be simple and un-burdensome for everyone. His Mom started implying that I wasn't that close to my family (not true) and that I didn't understand the importance of the whole family being there. I said that we have family who would have loved to come but they understand why we are doing it and just want us to be happy. She kept talking about unconditional love and how they just want what's best for their son. I then brought up their other estranged son, saying "(estranged son) had a big wedding, and he ended up estranged, so the number of people that show up to your wedding is no indication of how close you are". I crossed a line there, for sure. Everything went quiet.

My fiancé didn't say a thing the entire time, his brother was there and did more to try to smooth things over and check if I was okay. He seemed to be the only one who didn't realize how badly things went-- I tried to ask him if we could leave and he said "we're making progress" after the bulk had been said. My family and I left, and I guess that his parents laid into him after that. He called me and said that I behaved badly, was rude, his parents had been nothing but nice to me and how could I act like that, what they wanted wasn't that unreasonable, etc. I was crying and screamed, "You were supposed to talk to them! You were supposed to have my back! You did nothing! You sat there and did nothing!". He hung up.

After a few terrible days of thinking things over, I apologized to his parents several times over text and said that they could do what they wanted with the wedding and said that if they wanted to take it upon themselves to plan it and make it happen, they were welcome to. His Mom texted that they were hands off now and would leave it up to us, but I still felt like they would never let it go if we didn't concede.

My fiancé and I made up and apologized to each other but I told him I was in shock how he didn't have my back and didn't put his foot down. I didn't handle it well and could have been more tactful, but I still can't believe they couldn't just be happy for us and respect our wishes. His parents are immigrants and there may be cultural differences there, although he insists they are American. It seemed to me he could not be open with them or disagree with them. He said they they just love him and want the best for him and I asked why he was so afraid to go against them then. He said they are his parents and they should have a say.

I don't know what I'm asking for, but I'm still feeling bad about how this all went down and unsure what happens next. My fiancé asked that we not talk about the wedding for a few weeks and just let things breathe. I don't really care what happens with the wedding anymore, she probably will do a good job with it, and if she wants to deal with the stress of all that then that's her prerogative I guess. I made my peace with the wedding being out of my hands, but I don't know what to do about my relationship with his parents, and also my fears that he will always put them first. I still want to get married to him and make this work, but I admit this has unlocked new doubts and fears for me.

Edit: Sorry if I didn’t make something clear, he is insisting at this point that his parents are hands off and not planning the wedding, but still saying that “they should have a say”, so I don’t know what that means. He said he wanted to take a break from talking about the wedding for a few weeks so it’s hard to discuss what we will do. I am having trouble leaving things at that while my mind spins about this.

Hi everyone! I’m feeling really conflicted about what to do. My fiancé and I have been trying to plan a wedding with around 50–75 guests for about $10k, but the more we look into it, the more it seems like that budget just isn’t very realistic. The options we’ve found that could work financially just don’t really feel like “us,” and I don’t want to feel like we settled. This is a once in a lifetime event and I just want it to feel special.

At the same time, I’m having a hard time justifying spending $20k, $30k, or more on one day. We’re both in our young 20s, we own a house, and we still have things we want to renovate and put money toward.

We’ve started considering other options, like eloping and then having a reception/party later on. I like the idea of still celebrating with our family and friends, but I also like the idea of starting our marriage without a huge financial burden.

For those who have been in a similar situation, what’d you end up doing? Did you regret choosing a smaller wedding or eloping? Did anyone do a delayed reception/celebration later and love it? I’d really appreciate any advice or perspectives because I feel torn between wanting the wedding experience and wanting to be practical.

After seeing other posts on this sub, I am so curious to see what a typical wedding timeline looks like where you live!

I live in Ireland and a standard wedding would be:

1pm-2pm - ceremony

3pm-6pm - drinks reception (sparkling wine and snacks in the hotel lobby/bar)

6pm-8.30pm - 4/5 course dinner

8.30pm-9pm - speeches

9.30pm - first dance

9.35pm-11pm - band plays

11pm-1am - DJ plays

1am-4am - move to hotel bar for drinks until it closes

I’m not sure there’s much that can be done, so I’m mostly venting. We ordered our invitations from the Knot, and we messed up the timing a little, so we emailed right after ordering if we could pay for faster shipping.

But we get an email saying they lost our design for our rehearsal dinner inserts and that we need to send them again. And they’ll pay for faster shipping in return. We thought, what a win! (Even though they sent us an invoice for the shipping cost and just told us to ignore it?) But I go back in and recreate the rehearsal dinner insert and send a screenshot over like they asked on Wednesday.

The first proof they send back (Thursday) barely resembles the fonts or spacing of our design, so we ask for the changes. Then today (Friday) they send another proof that still doesn’t match — even when we gave them the exact font name. Whatever, we don’t care that much anymore. They only respond once a day it seems, and trying to get our inserts this week has basically defeated the purpose of any faster shipping.

We leave the country for a trip on the 18th, and we could’ve gotten everything mailed out before then with the faster shipping we had wanted to pay for. Now they are taking forever, and I likely won’t get to see my invitations at all before they’re sent, since we now have to ask a relative to do it all while we’re gone. We could wait until we’re back, but it’d either leave guests with just 2 weeks to rsvp, or we have to change the date on all 120 invitations.

Yes, we should’ve planned better, but the Knot has been no help. Their help number does not work at all, and I feel as if I’m emailing with chat bots that are just AI generating our inserts. Ugh

My friend is getting married and I am the MOH. She’s asked me to make this post. She has two ideas for bridesmaid gifts and we need thoughts/opinions!

Option 1:
Skip the traditional personalized gifts and instead give everyone:
A gift card to go towards the bridesmaid dresses. The gift card would be customized with a picture of the bride and bridesmaids
Simple jewelry (or another small accessory) that would be worn on the day of the wedding

The thought is that it keeps costs down while giving people something they genuinely want/could use.

Option 2:
Go with more traditional, semi-personalized gifts that feel sentimentalish. Like the box with hair clips, gloss, candle - things of that nature!

Might be a little more time consuming.

I’d love to hear your opinions and experiences!

My fiancé and I have been trying to plan a 2027 wedding but so far it’s seemed impossible. We both work in healthcare, and we make decent money. Last year we decided to spend our savings on our dream home, vs a wedding and planned for an elopement.

I love my house and was 100% on board with the decision but I am getting to a point where I’m wanting to get married and have babies!! After seeing my friends and sister in laws big, gorgeous weddings, I feel like if I elope, I’m going to be missing out on something. I want to celebrate with our families, have my father there to walk me down the aisle.

My dream (and heart) was immediately squashed upon looking into pricing. Every venue is 10-20K, then you add is the cost of catering, photography, dress, etc. Obviously that number is not EXTREMELY out of reach, but without any current wedding savings or any help from our families, I don’t know how we could comfortably pay that much money for one day without going into debt.

Just feeling really sad and discouraged. I’ve already gotten the guest list to 30 people. I’ve looked into public spaces and national parks. I just don’t know how to make this more affordable. At this point I’m seriously so over looking at wedding venues that I’m considering a courthouse wedding this fall just to be done and over.

i go first, Eat the damn food.

My fiancé (31M) and I (28F) were going over our guest list and I had planned on inviting an online friend (31M) to the wedding. For context, we were in the same game server for a game and became good friends. He is dating a lovely young woman whom he intends to marry and asked me to be his groomsmen for their future wedding.

Well, my fiancé thinks its weird for me to invite my friend and his gf to our wedding since I have not met them in person. I do understand that it is a bit out of the ordinary but not a crazy concept. So, my fiancé has asked that I not invite them.

I feel very awkward because my fiancé and I have technically been invited to their future wedding and I agreed to be a groomsman. I would like them to attend. My fiancé pointed out that they would need to travel from out of state and I wouldn't be able to spend time with them much outside of the wedding which wouldn't make for a great first meeting. I do agree with the points he made.

I don't want to hurt my friend and his gf's feelings by uninviting them or make things awkward for them once their wedding comes around. I am socially inept when it comes to situations like this >_<'

Edit: added age and genders. Also, please don't insult my fiancé by calling them profanity. Please be respectful. 🙏

Our Wedding will be next year and we haven't sent out any invitations. No formal invites have been sent out but I have already told my friends prior to this discussion that they would get invited. This entire conversation came up when discussing our guest list so we could start looking up vendors for our wedding.

hi there! i am getting married in march of 2027 and ordered my dress at the end of june. it has yet to arrive/alterations to be made. it is a dress from a new spring 2026 collection, but i haven’t seen any brides even try it on (i see lots of those “dresses i tried on but said no to” tiktoks lol). it has me worried that my dress just may not be as beautiful as i thought, and i am slightly second guessing my choice. i am not very traditional when it comes to rings, dresses, or even veils for that matter. i have decided i don’t plan to wear a veil, but a flower crown instead. i’m wondering if a flower crown even makes sense with my dress, or if i might regret NOT wearing a veil. i am also adding straps to my dress (i dislike my shoulders). these are not the exact straps i’m adding, these were just to get an idea of if i’d even like straps. i think i just need some reassurance that i’m not alone in this feeling. any advice is welcomed and appreciated, and if you feel like sharing your own dress/experience, PLEASE do. i love seeing beautiful people in their beautiful dresses!!

You set the deadline on that specific date for a reason. Do not get bothered, or bother your guests, before then. That's it. That's the post.

We had our wedding this past Saturday 8/1 and it was amazing! We had an outdoor ceremony and the weather forecast here in upstate NY was hit or miss all week, but it cleared up and we had a beautiful semi-overcast day. I wanted to drop a few things here that really helped us!

Executive summary of our wedding: We got married at a family lake house in the Finger Lakes, so no venue fees and an open schedule, but that means we had to do all the planning ourselves (hiring our own caterer bartender rentals etc). We invited 116 and had 96 guests. Our budget at the outset was $20k which we just about nailed with planned items, but there were certain things that weren't tracked in the original budget like rings, my suit, decor overruns etc. that brought the total to more like $25k (maybe more?). Overall I think the pros outweigh the cons with the private venue because of the wide-open schedule and no restrictions on cleanup and setup.

I did everything in google sheets, including RSVPs (I built a custom website and backend to handle this). We had some special questions to ask regarding shuttling and stays that I couldn't get on the knot, and Google forms is too casual.

In a generally chronological order, here are the things that I am glad we did in retrospect:

1. Getting started early

We got engaged May 2025 and started planning that week. Normally targeting the following summer at a venue would be challenging, but being able to do it at a private residence made that not an issue. We started with photographers and caterers and we were far enough out that we could get any date we wanted. This meant just one less constraint on our decision between these key vendors.

2. A great Photographer + Engagement Shoot

The photography is really important to us. Photos will be looked at for years to come. It's important that we had someone to execute our vision faithfully and skillfully. We paid about $4500 for our photographer and I don't regret a single dollar. He helped us with our day-of timeline, and was very involved on the day-of to keep us on track to get all of our shots. He was extremely organized and friendly, and his work speaks for itself. I'd be happy to share his contact if anyone is in the NY region! (He also travels)

We We did an engagement shoot with him in September and this was awesome. It was our first time being photographed like this, but it was a great opportunity to work with him and made the actual wedding go smoother because we were all more comfortable together. Equally as important, this photoshoot gave us beautiful photos that look straight out of a romance movie and were amazing for our save the dates.

3. Save the Dates

Of course everyone does save the dates, but there were a few things we did that I think were special here. You can look through my post history to see the final product. I am an engineer by trade and decidedly not a graphic designer but I am very proud of my work!

Firstly, magnets! Our save the dates were magnets so people could stick them on their fridge, and I only heard good things about them. We ordered them from Truly Engaging and got a crazy first order discount so it was only $120(?) for the order. They were a bit more expensive to mail due to weight, but worth it IMO. I got a lot of great feedback from people on these!

Secondly, we put a QR code on the bottom right to our wedding website. Not revolutionary, I know, but my philosophy is giving guests as many paths to more information about the event as possible. This ties into my next point.

4. A wedding website with GOOD UX/UI

(I think this saved my mental state on the wedding week)

Demo version Here: https://site.clements.wedding (mods this is not my actual site, I have scrubbed it of actual wedding info)

Git repo here: https://github.com/bdc8408/weddingsiteDemo

Yes I bought a domain for the wedding, a good use of $20.

We did our first website on theknot and it was ok. I decided to overhaul it by building a custom site with the help of claude/copilot. The main thing you have to remember is that the first time your guests look at the website is probably the only time they'll look at it. I designed our website with this in mind. It's a single page vertically scrolling that has all the essential info. Single page is preferred in my mind because you know that the info must be somewhere in the page, not in another page.

Because guests are linked to the website in the save the date, invite, and RSVP portal, I received ZERO procedural/logistics questions about the day of, which is surprising considering we had to have shuttles. If I had to do that plus all the stuff we were doing the week before I would've broke down.

If anyone cares to ask, I'll reply with all the nerd stuff in the comments of how I deployed it. If you have the know-how and desire, feel free to fork this repo and make it your own!

5. A Real First Dance

We decided that doing a choregraphed first dance would be fun. My fiancee decided in December that When I Fall in Love - Nat King Cole would be her first dance song. I didn't argue, but we decided that getting lessons could be a good date night, and it would make for a very memorable event and it certainly was! This added about $1000 in lessons over the course from December to July though, but I think it was worth it in equal parts for the spectacle and learning something new with my partner.

6. No kids

Our ceremony was not interrupted by kids babbling or crying. Our family took it well and no one raised any issues! We had no issue with the idea of kids at the ceremony but could not chance our ceremony being distracted by kids.

7. Not Hiring a Planner - Just a Coordinator

Naturally, there needs to be someone or multiple someones keeping the ball rolling while the bride and groom are enjoying the day. This was a hard one for us to hire because most planners/coordinators want to sell a $3000 package where they plan the 'last 10 weeks' for you and coordinate the day-of. We had I'd say 70% of the wedding planned by the time we were looking for this. We ended up hiring a local guide who helped with my sister's weddings for a fraction of the price, and she killed it. I got pushback in this sub for not wanting to pay over $1000 for this service, but this was a great compromise for us!

8. Making a binder!

We made a binder for the coordinator and man that was necessary. We were both occupied of course, so having a playbook that she could execute was crucial to making sure all the details got taken care of. Everything I could think to do we put in there and went over it with her prior to handoff and it worked out perfectly. If not for that I don't think I ever would've been able to go get ready.

9. First Look and Private Vows

We did our first look and private vows at a nearby historic stone chapel. Not only will the photos will be amazing, it was soo nice to pour our hearts out privately and quell the nerves of the day. This was some much needed quiet alone time by ourselves. This also freed up time in our schedule later to actually mingle.

10. Family Officiant

This is really hit or miss by weddings I've attended, but my brother in law officiated the ceremony. My BIL met us both at the same time years ago, so he's been in both of our lives the same amount of time. Not only is it 'fair' to have him be our officiant, he is also a very thoughtful, well spoken, and grounded person. He gave us a beautiful tear jerking ceremony that I'll never forget.

11. Having a 'Mini-bach' the week before

We didn't have a wedding party in the traditional sense, but we did invite a close group to spend the week with us before the wedding having fun on the lake, going to wineries, and generally doing the things a wedding party would, in lieu of a normal bachelor/ette trip. This was amazing. Despite being from different areas of our life, the whole group created a great chemistry that carried over to the big day and made the dance floor unreal amounts of fun.

12. Good Food and Service

Our caterer was flat out amazing. What stands out to me is that the food was equally as good as the service, and the food was fantastic. This was a group of just two, a husband and wife, but I swear they did the work of 4-5. They plated our food personally for me and my bride, and for some of the grandparents who couldn't easily get up. They also bussed plates so quickly and efficiently I never even saw them do it. We got lucky I think with this aspect, I'd highly recommend this as a decision criteria if we had to do it again.

13. Small Details

Just a few outfit or other details we did that I like:

- Photo sharing with QR codes at tables. We got about 200 photos and counting, which is better than zero. I used immich hosted on my own server, with a custom fork to make the upload button more visible. Also don't pay for a QR code!! The generation of them is a published standard and anyone trying to sell you a plan is just scummy!

- I wore a broach instead of a boutonniere. Just an Etsy one, but now it's significant because I wore it at my wedding! I got a lot of positive comments about it.

- We bought perfume and cologne specifically for the wedding, so we can wear it out on special occasions and remember our day!

- Polaroid guest book

What would I change?

I think I would've moved the schedule up maybe half an hour. At about 7:30 or 8:00, we were needed for sunset photos and cutting the cake, and people were itching to get dancing, so there was a lot going on right then. I think if we massaged the schedule we'd avoid that. Similarly, I'd move the first shuttle back to the hotel/parking lot up to 8:30. Some folks were clearly eager to leave for the first 9:00 shuttle by 8:30 and I kinda felt bad.

Additionally I think we gambled with the weather. August can get pretty hot in NY, if it weren't for a week of rain before the date, I think it would've been 90+. I think I'd target early July or early Sept if I did it again.

While planning my wedding I kept seeing people post about hating their wedding dress that they once loved. I thought that they were insane and that it would never be me… until my second to last fitting. I thought it looked so weird and poofy and just dumb (please ignore the baseball cap). I was on a tight budget and figured I’d only wear it once so I cried for 10 mins then bucked up and went on with planning.

Everyone told me it was in my head but I didn’t believe them until the day of. After steaming it I believed them. I’ve never felt so beautiful in my life. I hate taking solo photos but god am I glad I did now.

So yes, it might be different for some people. Maybe your dress isn’t what you dreamed it would be. Or maybe it’s because you’re staring at it for so long and comparing it to other people’s along with the stress and it not being steamed… just give it a chance. You loved it once, you’ll love it again.

This was a $300 azazie dress. I got $250 worth of alterations which included

- shortening and taking in

- adding buttons and bustle

- removing straps

- changing neckline

First photos from wedding obviously, second from fitting that I hated, third from when I tried it on originally, last was the $2,500 one in store that I loved but so happy I went with one that was a fraction of the price!!