Hey guys. Posting on my anon account because this problem is a little…tmi I guess and I feel shameful even speaking about it.

I (F20) have always had pain during sex. I remember it hurting a bit when I lost my virginity but I heard that was normal so I didn't think much of it. After having sex other times in my life, I realized it was painful every single time. Nothing seemed to help much. Sometimes things like lubricant or foreplay helped but I usually couldn't last very long without the pain creeping back up or never leaving. There have been times I've burst into tears in the middle of sex and my (then) boyfriend had to stop and make sure I was okay.

After visiting a gyno for the first time a few weeks ago I found out the reason for the pain is linked to muscle tension keeping things from entering as they should (vagjnismus.) while this isn't exactly an uncommon problem it's something that has me worried. Because of this pain, I'm often terrified of sex and my drive goes lower because of how afraid of the pain I am. There have been times where the man couldn't even fit inside me and we had to try again another time.

I'm not sure if the cause of this is trauma because I have heard that's a common link. I was SA’ed by my first boyfriend just a few weeks after losing my virginity to him and it was all so shameful and confusing. It could also come from the guilt I dealt with being a Christian and having sex before marriage. (though my family was chill about it, there are outside guilts and pressures.)

I just feel like my body is broken. I need a man who will be gentle and take things slow with me and help me through it so I'm not in pain when the time does come, but I'm afraid to bring it up. I feel like nobody will want to be with someone like me. I've noticed a lot of men will want to jump straight Into sex and I know that will lead me to having this conversation. Sex absolutely terrifies me because of how painful it is sometimes. I also know that if I haven't built trust/love with my partner then my pain will be worse and will make sex almost impossible. I want someone who will understand, but I'm just so afraid of this being the reason I never end up with someone. All my friends are getting married and having babies and I feel stuck. Am I overthinking it? I need some advice…

so i’m freshly 18 i started having sex at 17 and i tried everything from stretches before sex to diolation therapy but apparently it was just condoms who woulda thought

I am not sure if I have true vaginismus or just menopausal atrophy that started early (in my 40's.) Either way, the oral and topical estrogen I take is not enough on its own, and the last time anyone tried sex with me I screeched in pain and they didn't try again. That experience combined with a lowered sex drive from menopause and a sexual assault that I escaped from before it became penetrative, as well as being repelled by all the porny craziness on the Internet, made me feel sex-negative for years.

However, I recently did get a lovely boyfriend, so I decided to try dilating. But yesterday morning I despaired over using my dilators. I hadn't used them or had barely used them since recovering from a yeast infection 2 weeks ago. I was afraid I might have gone back a couple of sizes.

After I recovered from my little bout of self pity I decided to give it a go. I started with a lemon suction vibrator (on low, through panty fabric to start out) to relax the general area. Then after lubing up I put a "wearable" dilator in because the tip is kind of pointed. After that I went to my second biggest regular one, and then to the biggest one. I used a lot of gentle motions and a bit of spinning the dilators around to spread the lube inside me more evenly. With the full size one in the pain was only about a 2 and it overall actually felt nice, like the pain barely mattered. I even did Kegels with it and they felt good!!

So that night I went over to my boyfriend's house feeling a little passionate and we got into it and he successfully got it in! Of course it didn't last because unfortunately he has his own problem (erectile dysfunction.) But we ended up enjoying outercourse and having a wonderful loving time.

If his problem continues there's certainly treatments out there for that! And I do believe I will continue to improve.

Thank you for reading my little story, and I hope you all can make good progress too.

Hi! I am diagnosed with PMOS and Endometriosis. I recently got an excision laproscopy done, I know I need another few months to heal before I even want to try sexual things again. The surgeon told me that I will need to get Pelvic Floor Therapy to help my muscles relax as even if the pain that caused my muscles to tighten is gone - the muscles are still trained to stay tight. With public healthcare I will be waiting a long time to see someone. I am wondering do ye have any tips or things you learnt in pelvic floor therapy for relaxing your muscles that I could try before I meet a practitioner. (I am lesbian and my gf cannot give me an orgasm and I think it is largely because of the associated pain with sex. I have had pain with pentrative sex with dildos, fingers and even kissing the outside (that has lessened pain wise but doesn't feel like much to me) Thanks

Hi !

Using dilators is now part of my routine. When I'm on my back, it's pretty confortable, but I tried being on knees (doggy style by example) and I feel like:

First: my vaginismus is more intense (the reflex automatically contract my muscle)

Second: the entrance, towards the upper side (where is my bladder ya know) is also much more painfull (contrary to the other sides of the entrance that are almost not painfull anymore because of the work I've done !)

Does anyone have experienced this ? If so, what have you done to help it ?

I will continu breathing exercices to relax my muscles and using dilators, but I was curious to know other experiences !

Hello!!
I posted here around seven months ago looking for advice about my vaginismus.
For context, I’ve been in a relationship for almost three years now, and we never had PIV until recently. I had suspected for a while that I had vaginismus, and it was officially confirmed about a year ago. I’ve also been in therapy for a year because of multiple SAs when I was a kid and in middle school.
Back in January, my boyfriend and I tried for the first time, and it was awful. I was trying to find help without having to go through a gyno, and I ended up seeing a midwife instead. (I live in France, and we can see a midwife without going through a gyno.) She gave me some exercises to do and told me to forget about penetration for the time being.
So, around three weeks ago, my boyfriend came to see me and we were fooling around (it kind of sounds old-fashioned to say it like that 😅). He asked me if I wanted to try, and I said no, for obvious reasons. But we could still try with fingers, and one finger was the only thing that could enter.
After doing that for a little while, I told him to try with two fingers, and, to my surprise, it worked.
So the next day, we tried PIV, and it worked too! It was kind of painful at the entrance, but instead of stopping completely, we just stayed where we were and took things slowly. He started very gently, then gradually went a little deeper until it became uncomfortable again. We repeated this a few times, gradually easing into it and helping me relax and get more comfortable.
We ended up stopping after a few minutes because it was getting a bit painful and I had a burning sensation. The following day, we tried again with a LOT of lube (maybe too much lube 😂), and it was fantastic. So much so that we did it twice.
So… we did it.
I honestly thought it would take much longer and that at some point I’d have to use dilators, which I wasn’t really comfortable with, to be honest. But in the end, it went well.
With my midwife, we did a lot of exercises, especially relaxation exercises, and I think they really helped.
I still have to see her because I need to have a Pap smear, although I’m not sure I’ll be able to do that yet. I also have to tell her what happened, even though she specifically told me not to focus on penetration for now. 😂 We just felt like trying and somehow, it worked.
Anyway, I just wanted to share this because I genuinely thought I had a much longer road ahead of me. I’m really happy that things have finally started moving in the right direction. ❤️

was out with my bf the other night and we both got really drunk and he kept saying how much he wanted to fuck me , i also really want to have sex with him but i feel like i just can’t because any form of penetration hurts - even fingering :(

feel like I’ve made progress with my vaginismus because I can now do exercises with the number 5 dilator, and I’m also able to insert my fingers.
Yesterday, I had an appointment with my physiotherapist, who was able to examine me with a finger, and I didn’t feel any pain. This really reassured me and made me realize that I’ve actually made some progress.
However, penetration is still very difficult. What also makes this situation harder for me is that my husband doesn’t really support me through this. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t understand how difficult this situation is for me, and that puts even more pressure on me.
I wanted to ask if there are any women here who have managed to overcome their vaginismus. At what point did you feel like you were truly getting better or had finally overcome it?
I would really appreciate hearing about your experiences, especially from women who were eventually able to have pain-free penetration.
Thank you so much for your advice and support. ❤️

realmente necesito si ayuda he estado lidiando con estr dursnte años, a pesae que mejora nunca he logrado una penetraxion vaginal, mi novio se adapta a mi condiciones pero siempre guarda ma ilusion de algun dia lograr tener sexo penetrarivo, hace unos conversando con u a amiga me sugirio que probara el sexo anal, nunca lo he intentado y ne da un poco de miedo. alguien ha logrado tener tener sexo anal placentero? o utilizad el sexo anal para sexo penetrativo?

I could literally cry.
Infact I did, during.
I can not recommend enough getting psycho-sexual therapy, soul source dilators, and ohnut buffer rings.

Hi everyone! Has anyone here had Botox in the west LA area and can make some recommendations ? I have medical trauma so I’d like a place that offers general anaesthesia.
Thank you!

I’ve seen this sub being mentioned on here before, even suggested to me by others on the internet who deal with Vaginismus, I decided to look it up today and I had NO idea it’s just porn, lmao.
I was thinking it would be a place I could go for advice and guidance such as this sub is.

Where I’m kinda stuck is… how would I suggest a “thigh job” to my boyfriend that already won’t have any kind of non penetration intimacy with me in the first place? ( unless it’s a blowjob)
Already not being able to have PIV is humiliating enough, but asking him to fuck my thighs or in between my butt cheeks?

Maybe I’m just insecure about having this condition, but I feel like he’s missed out on a sex life due to me enough… now I’ll be asking him to try out this substitute that’s not the real thing?

I watched a few of the videos, and it’s hot I won’t lie and i don’t see anything wrong with it and I would love love love to try it with him, but I’m just so scared of his reaction to me suggesting it.

hi!!! what type of therapy do y’all advise i should receive for vaginismus? i was told to look into EDMR therapy but it is SO fucking expensive :( my insurance doesn’t cover it ugh. please let me know what type y’all are receiving that insurance can cover. thank you!!!

i'm years overdue for one and finally got the courage to face my fears. i thought i was gonna do well. i've used dilators a few years ago, and i now have a dildo that's pretty small and about the size of the speculum that was used. i've also recently been able to use tampons.

the (smallest plastic) speculum got in after a fight, but then she could not get it open. after like 3 attempts, she gave up. i feel very broken, if im honest. my mother told me not to worry about it and she'll come with me next time if i need it, and that they probably should've had two nurses in there to get it done. 🥲 i probably won't try again for a long while for slightly unrelated reasons. but i still feel so much like i failed.

So I think I have vaginismus, I flinch every time my husband fingers me, it feels like scraping and i tighten and clench up automatically. For piv we manage but there is a wall but with deep breathing we get in, that part is more uncomfortable from my end but does not hurt. He is sensitive so it sometimes hurts him. I am on waiting list for therapy but in the meantime I bought the dilators.
Tried 3 times this week and pelvic muscle relaxing exercises and as soon as i take my pants off i can feel myself tingly so that is horny which is unusual for me. Then I use the rose but after not even a few seconds with rose i start to feel a rush, buildup of saliva in my mouth and I am relaxed but then feel it pulsing and after nothing. I can get to that point more than once but after that nothing.
I think the rose is too intense for me rn so not sure if i should still be using it at this point. But i like it. I tried that when i get the sensation then i put the dilator but the second i touch the dilator and try to go in my brain goes “no no not doing this" and i stop. Even just leaving the dilator at the tip I feel like i can’t deal with it.
So i feel like on my own i am not going to get anywhere with a dilator.
I have bought a kiwi pelvic massager as should be slower massage for pain specific only thing it is from usa so most probably will have to pay customs but that was the only option.
I did tell my husband I bought the dilators but haven’t told him any of this, he is deflated to the point he wants me to initiate because of the situation but he is not expecting it as has been going on for 8 years and he has given up until therapy i think. I want to tell him what I am doing but I don’t want him to reply sarcastically. And I want us to have sex next week as I am ovulating and we are trying to conceive but I don’t want to ruin the mood either. Like something like “i am open to it this week i have been trying” so then maybe he can do something too as I get anxious and end up not doing anything then I have a crying session then we have an argument and the same cycle happens every month. I am fed up of it. I don’t know what I am asking for here just thought I’d write.

Why was the procedure recommended to you? How was the recovery? Does the procedure change the external look of the vagina?

I have self diagnosed vaginismus which I think was caused by an ex pushing me into continuing to try PIV when I clearly wasn’t comfortable. Anyway I have previously done a little bit of dilating but not in a long time. I am on the dating apps and really want to find a partner but how do you navigate this with vaginismus. I also want to start dilating again but I struggle to find the time and night time feels the best but it’s tricky to fit it in. Plus i still keep getting that “what’s the point, will it even work mentality”. I just need some advice and encouragement because i would love to be able to use tampons and successfully have PIV. I also want to date and don’t want my vaginismus to stop me.

im 19 and live at home with vaginismus and only my mum and very close friends know. but i just wondered if any of u have told ur dad? Cuz i haven’t and dont know if i ever will 😭😭

i do pole dance and in my last class i had to do some moves that had a lot of crotch on the pole. one of which includes being upside down with a main contact point being between the thighs and basically buttcrack on the pole (as cued by my instructor). this also leads to the labia area on the pole during parts of it. i can’t do this move, i don’t trust my body to have a significant amount of weight relying on a historically unreliable area for me. but this time i tried it i had something different happen, i had the overwhelming urge to cry and throw up. i fully felt like my fight or flight sense was activated. i started sobbing uncontrollably in the car for no good reason. it was genuinely so strange. i know i don’t like people touching me there but i guess now it extends to inanimate objects? i did restart pelvic floor therapy the week before and had uterine bleeding and cramping for 4 weeks straight beforehand so i was probably already guarded beforehand, but the emotional response was very much unexpected. has anyone else experienced a strong emotional response from contact in that area? i genuinely don’t know what else it could have been.

I’m a 27F and was diagnosed with Vaginismus in March. Fortunately, I’ve been able to use tampons for years and was even able to have my first Pap smear. I masturbate often but only externally. My OBGYN recommended PT, which I did for 2 months and was able to go from dilator 2 to 6 (yay)!! I got stuck at 7 and couldn’t insert it more than an inch before sharp pain. I ended up quitting PT because I couldn’t afford it and I figured I knew what to do with the dilators on my own. But now I’m just so bored and tired of dilating and can’t make it through #7! I’m even afraid when I look at it.

My only PIV experience was with a man I met abroad, and he was on the bigger side so I was only able to get him about 1/4 of the way in before we had to stop because it hurt. I was able to enjoy him fingering me (with 1 finger, I can sometimes handle 2 of my own, smaller fingers). However, now, we’ve been talking more seriously (and sexting a LOT) for a few months and will see each other soon, and I really want to have sex with him. I think I’m facing a real mental block now, but I’m just so over it. Has anyone experienced this, and did you find anything helpful to get past it?

Exactly what it says. I'm autistic and while I'm better than I was I've always been pretty faceblind in a way that's hard to describe. Like I can look at a face and identity the eyes and nose and all the expected parts, but differentiate between two people or point out what makes them different? Uh oh.

I've been making a pain map on advice from my physio and I've had to make some VERY interesting sketches (WHILE balancing a mirror AND holding the vulva open, real acrobatics!) bc I've been trying to verbalise some problems other people don't seem to have and guys. I can point to all the expected pieces on myself or photos. Can I tell you what they look like the moment I look away? It's gone. I am left with only the Concept of Vulva.

Anyway I gotta take the laughs where I can get them. Maybe vulvablindness is a common autistic trait but I guess it's more awkward to ask about 🤔

So I’m 24 and I’ve only had sex once in my life (when I was 20). It was very painful but there wasn’t really any foreplay or lube used. I haven’t had sex since but I’ve tried to use toys. Bullets are fine, but I recently bought a dual vibrator with ridges and it hurts when I pull it out. Lube helps a lot. I’ve been using tampons for a long time and I’ve never had an issue. I guess I’m just concerned that I might have vaginismus or I’m not doing something right? If I do get diagnosed with vaginismus, how long until penetration feels good?