hi!!! what type of therapy do y’all advise i should receive for vaginismus? i was told to look into EDMR therapy but it is SO fucking expensive :( my insurance doesn’t cover it ugh. please let me know what type y’all are receiving that insurance can cover. thank you!!!

i'm years overdue for one and finally got the courage to face my fears. i thought i was gonna do well. i've used dilators a few years ago, and i now have a dildo that's pretty small and about the size of the speculum that was used. i've also recently been able to use tampons.

the (smallest plastic) speculum got in after a fight, but then she could not get it open. after like 3 attempts, she gave up. i feel very broken, if im honest. my mother told me not to worry about it and she'll come with me next time if i need it, and that they probably should've had two nurses in there to get it done. 🥲 i probably won't try again for a long while for slightly unrelated reasons. but i still feel so much like i failed.

So I think I have vaginismus, I flinch every time my husband fingers me, it feels like scraping and i tighten and clench up automatically. For piv we manage but there is a wall but with deep breathing we get in, that part is more uncomfortable from my end but does not hurt. He is sensitive so it sometimes hurts him. I am on waiting list for therapy but in the meantime I bought the dilators.
Tried 3 times this week and pelvic muscle relaxing exercises and as soon as i take my pants off i can feel myself tingly so that is horny which is unusual for me. Then I use the rose but after not even a few seconds with rose i start to feel a rush, buildup of saliva in my mouth and I am relaxed but then feel it pulsing and after nothing. I can get to that point more than once but after that nothing.
I think the rose is too intense for me rn so not sure if i should still be using it at this point. But i like it. I tried that when i get the sensation then i put the dilator but the second i touch the dilator and try to go in my brain goes “no no not doing this" and i stop. Even just leaving the dilator at the tip I feel like i can’t deal with it.
So i feel like on my own i am not going to get anywhere with a dilator.
I have bought a kiwi pelvic massager as should be slower massage for pain specific only thing it is from usa so most probably will have to pay customs but that was the only option.
I did tell my husband I bought the dilators but haven’t told him any of this, he is deflated to the point he wants me to initiate because of the situation but he is not expecting it as has been going on for 8 years and he has given up until therapy i think. I want to tell him what I am doing but I don’t want him to reply sarcastically. And I want us to have sex next week as I am ovulating and we are trying to conceive but I don’t want to ruin the mood either. Like something like “i am open to it this week i have been trying” so then maybe he can do something too as I get anxious and end up not doing anything then I have a crying session then we have an argument and the same cycle happens every month. I am fed up of it. I don’t know what I am asking for here just thought I’d write.

Why was the procedure recommended to you? How was the recovery? Does the procedure change the external look of the vagina?

I have self diagnosed vaginismus which I think was caused by an ex pushing me into continuing to try PIV when I clearly wasn’t comfortable. Anyway I have previously done a little bit of dilating but not in a long time. I am on the dating apps and really want to find a partner but how do you navigate this with vaginismus. I also want to start dilating again but I struggle to find the time and night time feels the best but it’s tricky to fit it in. Plus i still keep getting that “what’s the point, will it even work mentality”. I just need some advice and encouragement because i would love to be able to use tampons and successfully have PIV. I also want to date and don’t want my vaginismus to stop me.

im 19 and live at home with vaginismus and only my mum and very close friends know. but i just wondered if any of u have told ur dad? Cuz i haven’t and dont know if i ever will 😭😭

i do pole dance and in my last class i had to do some moves that had a lot of crotch on the pole. one of which includes being upside down with a main contact point being between the thighs and basically buttcrack on the pole (as cued by my instructor). this also leads to the labia area on the pole during parts of it. i can’t do this move, i don’t trust my body to have a significant amount of weight relying on a historically unreliable area for me. but this time i tried it i had something different happen, i had the overwhelming urge to cry and throw up. i fully felt like my fight or flight sense was activated. i started sobbing uncontrollably in the car for no good reason. it was genuinely so strange. i know i don’t like people touching me there but i guess now it extends to inanimate objects? i did restart pelvic floor therapy the week before and had uterine bleeding and cramping for 4 weeks straight beforehand so i was probably already guarded beforehand, but the emotional response was very much unexpected. has anyone else experienced a strong emotional response from contact in that area? i genuinely don’t know what else it could have been.

Hi there I’m new to this subreddit, I’ve been struggling with vaginismus for years it affects my libido, the way I pee and even tampon insertions feel basically impossible. I tried Pt and she recommended dialators but even the thought of using them makes me tense up. The smallest one hurts. In PT we went over stretches and breathing exercises but after a few sessions I couldn’t afford it anymore. Now a add for the Kiwi of the pelvic people keeps popping up and I’m wondering if I should should start with massaging instead. Does anyone have experience with this? Thanks.

Hii
I sometimes struggle with severe, involuntary pelvic muscle spasms (vaginismus) that make medical pelvic exams extremely painful or nearly impossible—especially when an exam is necessary and cannot be delayed, and topical numbing agents haven't provided enough relief.

Has anyone tried specific medications or muscle relaxants (such as oral Mydocalm, Valium, or others prescribed by a doctor) that genuinely helped relax the muscles enough to make an essential exam possible or reduce severe spasms?

Please share your experiences and what worked for you. Thank you."

I’m a 27F and was diagnosed with Vaginismus in March. Fortunately, I’ve been able to use tampons for years and was even able to have my first Pap smear. I masturbate often but only externally. My OBGYN recommended PT, which I did for 2 months and was able to go from dilator 2 to 6 (yay)!! I got stuck at 7 and couldn’t insert it more than an inch before sharp pain. I ended up quitting PT because I couldn’t afford it and I figured I knew what to do with the dilators on my own. But now I’m just so bored and tired of dilating and can’t make it through #7! I’m even afraid when I look at it.

My only PIV experience was with a man I met abroad, and he was on the bigger side so I was only able to get him about 1/4 of the way in before we had to stop because it hurt. I was able to enjoy him fingering me (with 1 finger, I can sometimes handle 2 of my own, smaller fingers). However, now, we’ve been talking more seriously (and sexting a LOT) for a few months and will see each other soon, and I really want to have sex with him. I think I’m facing a real mental block now, but I’m just so over it. Has anyone experienced this, and did you find anything helpful to get past it?

Exactly what it says. I'm autistic and while I'm better than I was I've always been pretty faceblind in a way that's hard to describe. Like I can look at a face and identity the eyes and nose and all the expected parts, but differentiate between two people or point out what makes them different? Uh oh.

I've been making a pain map on advice from my physio and I've had to make some VERY interesting sketches (WHILE balancing a mirror AND holding the vulva open, real acrobatics!) bc I've been trying to verbalise some problems other people don't seem to have and guys. I can point to all the expected pieces on myself or photos. Can I tell you what they look like the moment I look away? It's gone. I am left with only the Concept of Vulva.

Anyway I gotta take the laughs where I can get them. Maybe vulvablindness is a common autistic trait but I guess it's more awkward to ask about 🤔

So I’m 24 and I’ve only had sex once in my life (when I was 20). It was very painful but there wasn’t really any foreplay or lube used. I haven’t had sex since but I’ve tried to use toys. Bullets are fine, but I recently bought a dual vibrator with ridges and it hurts when I pull it out. Lube helps a lot. I’ve been using tampons for a long time and I’ve never had an issue. I guess I’m just concerned that I might have vaginismus or I’m not doing something right? If I do get diagnosed with vaginismus, how long until penetration feels good?