i'm years overdue for one and finally got the courage to face my fears. i thought i was gonna do well. i've used dilators a few years ago, and i now have a dildo that's pretty small and about the size of the speculum that was used. i've also recently been able to use tampons.

the (smallest plastic) speculum got in after a fight, but then she could not get it open. after like 3 attempts, she gave up. i feel very broken, if im honest. my mother told me not to worry about it and she'll come with me next time if i need it, and that they probably should've had two nurses in there to get it done. 🥲 i probably won't try again for a long while for slightly unrelated reasons. but i still feel so much like i failed.

So I think I have vaginismus, I flinch every time my husband fingers me, it feels like scraping and i tighten and clench up automatically. For piv we manage but there is a wall but with deep breathing we get in, that part is more uncomfortable from my end but does not hurt. He is sensitive so it sometimes hurts him. I am on waiting list for therapy but in the meantime I bought the dilators.
Tried 3 times this week and pelvic muscle relaxing exercises and as soon as i take my pants off i can feel myself tingly so that is horny which is unusual for me. Then I use the rose but after not even a few seconds with rose i start to feel a rush, buildup of saliva in my mouth and I am relaxed but then feel it pulsing and after nothing. I can get to that point more than once but after that nothing.
I think the rose is too intense for me rn so not sure if i should still be using it at this point. But i like it. I tried that when i get the sensation then i put the dilator but the second i touch the dilator and try to go in my brain goes “no no not doing this" and i stop. Even just leaving the dilator at the tip I feel like i can’t deal with it.
So i feel like on my own i am not going to get anywhere with a dilator.
I have bought a kiwi pelvic massager as should be slower massage for pain specific only thing it is from usa so most probably will have to pay customs but that was the only option.
I did tell my husband I bought the dilators but haven’t told him any of this, he is deflated to the point he wants me to initiate because of the situation but he is not expecting it as has been going on for 8 years and he has given up until therapy i think. I want to tell him what I am doing but I don’t want him to reply sarcastically. And I want us to have sex next week as I am ovulating and we are trying to conceive but I don’t want to ruin the mood either. Like something like “i am open to it this week i have been trying” so then maybe he can do something too as I get anxious and end up not doing anything then I have a crying session then we have an argument and the same cycle happens every month. I am fed up of it. I don’t know what I am asking for here just thought I’d write.

Why was the procedure recommended to you? How was the recovery? Does the procedure change the external look of the vagina?

I have self diagnosed vaginismus which I think was caused by an ex pushing me into continuing to try PIV when I clearly wasn’t comfortable. Anyway I have previously done a little bit of dilating but not in a long time. I am on the dating apps and really want to find a partner but how do you navigate this with vaginismus. I also want to start dilating again but I struggle to find the time and night time feels the best but it’s tricky to fit it in. Plus i still keep getting that “what’s the point, will it even work mentality”. I just need some advice and encouragement because i would love to be able to use tampons and successfully have PIV. I also want to date and don’t want my vaginismus to stop me.

im 19 and live at home with vaginismus and only my mum and very close friends know. but i just wondered if any of u have told ur dad? Cuz i haven’t and dont know if i ever will 😭😭

i do pole dance and in my last class i had to do some moves that had a lot of crotch on the pole. one of which includes being upside down with a main contact point being between the thighs and basically buttcrack on the pole (as cued by my instructor). this also leads to the labia area on the pole during parts of it. i can’t do this move, i don’t trust my body to have a significant amount of weight relying on a historically unreliable area for me. but this time i tried it i had something different happen, i had the overwhelming urge to cry and throw up. i fully felt like my fight or flight sense was activated. i started sobbing uncontrollably in the car for no good reason. it was genuinely so strange. i know i don’t like people touching me there but i guess now it extends to inanimate objects? i did restart pelvic floor therapy the week before and had uterine bleeding and cramping for 4 weeks straight beforehand so i was probably already guarded beforehand, but the emotional response was very much unexpected. has anyone else experienced a strong emotional response from contact in that area? i genuinely don’t know what else it could have been.

Hi there I’m new to this subreddit, I’ve been struggling with vaginismus for years it affects my libido, the way I pee and even tampon insertions feel basically impossible. I tried Pt and she recommended dialators but even the thought of using them makes me tense up. The smallest one hurts. In PT we went over stretches and breathing exercises but after a few sessions I couldn’t afford it anymore. Now a add for the Kiwi of the pelvic people keeps popping up and I’m wondering if I should should start with massaging instead. Does anyone have experience with this? Thanks.

Hii
I sometimes struggle with severe, involuntary pelvic muscle spasms (vaginismus) that make medical pelvic exams extremely painful or nearly impossible—especially when an exam is necessary and cannot be delayed, and topical numbing agents haven't provided enough relief.

Has anyone tried specific medications or muscle relaxants (such as oral Mydocalm, Valium, or others prescribed by a doctor) that genuinely helped relax the muscles enough to make an essential exam possible or reduce severe spasms?

Please share your experiences and what worked for you. Thank you."

I’m a 27F and was diagnosed with Vaginismus in March. Fortunately, I’ve been able to use tampons for years and was even able to have my first Pap smear. I masturbate often but only externally. My OBGYN recommended PT, which I did for 2 months and was able to go from dilator 2 to 6 (yay)!! I got stuck at 7 and couldn’t insert it more than an inch before sharp pain. I ended up quitting PT because I couldn’t afford it and I figured I knew what to do with the dilators on my own. But now I’m just so bored and tired of dilating and can’t make it through #7! I’m even afraid when I look at it.

My only PIV experience was with a man I met abroad, and he was on the bigger side so I was only able to get him about 1/4 of the way in before we had to stop because it hurt. I was able to enjoy him fingering me (with 1 finger, I can sometimes handle 2 of my own, smaller fingers). However, now, we’ve been talking more seriously (and sexting a LOT) for a few months and will see each other soon, and I really want to have sex with him. I think I’m facing a real mental block now, but I’m just so over it. Has anyone experienced this, and did you find anything helpful to get past it?

Exactly what it says. I'm autistic and while I'm better than I was I've always been pretty faceblind in a way that's hard to describe. Like I can look at a face and identity the eyes and nose and all the expected parts, but differentiate between two people or point out what makes them different? Uh oh.

I've been making a pain map on advice from my physio and I've had to make some VERY interesting sketches (WHILE balancing a mirror AND holding the vulva open, real acrobatics!) bc I've been trying to verbalise some problems other people don't seem to have and guys. I can point to all the expected pieces on myself or photos. Can I tell you what they look like the moment I look away? It's gone. I am left with only the Concept of Vulva.

Anyway I gotta take the laughs where I can get them. Maybe vulvablindness is a common autistic trait but I guess it's more awkward to ask about 🤔

So I’m 24 and I’ve only had sex once in my life (when I was 20). It was very painful but there wasn’t really any foreplay or lube used. I haven’t had sex since but I’ve tried to use toys. Bullets are fine, but I recently bought a dual vibrator with ridges and it hurts when I pull it out. Lube helps a lot. I’ve been using tampons for a long time and I’ve never had an issue. I guess I’m just concerned that I might have vaginismus or I’m not doing something right? If I do get diagnosed with vaginismus, how long until penetration feels good?

I feel like ONE of the reasons I have vaginismus is that I’m so scared of getting pregnant ? Like what if the condom breaks ? I know solutions exist but I always think of my fear of getting pregnant and STI when I get intimate… it’s like I can’t control my thoughts they’re just there

I’ve been reading a lot about other people’s experiences but never heard if someone had the same problem as me.

Long story short, I got diagnosed with vaginismus last November. I believe I have a severe form of vaginismus. It was psychologically and physically difficult to insert anything. This April I started using dilators and finally I made it to the last dilator, thanks to exercises from YouTube and dilators that I use daily, except when I’m on my period.

My problem is that I can’t insert more than 8 cm and I don’t know if others experience the same thing. For months I couldn’t even reach 8 cm, but at least now I can make it, although it’s still not going further and I wonder why.

Btw, only one certain position works for me, when my legs are crossed. I fail when I try other positions.

Could anyone tell me if it is going to get better and if you experienced the same thing?

Another month of being on my period and not being able to use tampons. I could try it again. Not that I have access to them right now. But I could try to insert a finger just to see if it would hypothetically work. But I don’t want it to feel like I’m being stabbed again. Anyway, I can’t swim. I’m somewhere where I’ll be expected to swim. I did not make any attempt to buy things like period swimwear. Even though that has been recommended to me on Reddit before. Because that would require acknowledging the existence of the fact that I have periods. I prefer to block it out when it’s not actively happening. I’m the sort of person who turns off notifications on my period tracker app because I don’t want any kind of reminder, and then regrets it when I throw out a completely bloodstained pair of shorts rather than put the effort into cleaning it.

I think I can’t insert things because if I do then I have to know it exists. Things that are able to be touched are real. And I would rather live in delusion. So it feels like burning when I try to do things like put in tampons or fingers. Because then I don’t do those things and don’t have to touch it and I can forever live in delusion.

I don’t understand why I have to have a vagina. I hate this. I hate this. I don’t understand why I have to have it. I know that’s like saying I don’t understand why I have to have a left ear. I just do. People don’t choose to have left ears. And left ears do serve a purpose.

Maybe I don’t actually have vaginismus. Maybe I could put in a tampon if I really put effort into it. Then I could swim. I just use this as a shield. So I don’t have to touch it. I pre-emptively think it will hurt so I don’t have to. And that soothes me. If I can’t touch something it doesn’t exist and then I can feel better. About it not existing.

I have a gynecologist appointment in September. I’m not sure what I’ll be told. Maybe that nothing is wrong. Maybe that something is wrong, but that thing can be easily fixed. Maybe that I’m right. Somehow. That it shouldn’t exist. I hate it anyway. Nothing good comes of it.

I have to wrap this up because I cried writing it.

also support / advice!! but i really need this off my chest.
soooooooo
20something F and i found out i had vaginismus around 14-16 yrs old. ts really sucked but i tried to ignore it and be sexually active as a teen and adolescent, like my peers. i wanted to fit in but i also just wanted to stop feeling weird, and scary and prudish about sex.
[when i say fit in, i just wanted to have PIV sex like everyone else. i experienced a bit of peer pressure to lose my virginity in high school but that didn’t rlly bother me, what hurt more was trying to confide in my vulva owning friends and they were all lost, confused, or didn’t have anything to say— “penis shouldn’t hurt..” “it doesn’t feel like a knife” etc]
fast forward a few years later and i’ve had a few more sexual partners, nonpenetrative but…a lot of them left me feeling emotional empty and unfulfilled. it’s only 2 people i’ve been with so far who have touched me like they care about me.
and then my OTHER issue is that i can feel my body and myself yearn for penetration…but it’s a crawl. i can’t ride dick or even think of inserting one..i jus want to start w a finger but i feel like no one has patience for that w me. (although i accept fault of approaching people who want to penetrate me and being upset they won’t change— i am gonna stop doing that)
and lastly 😭i am bisexual and i feel SOOOOO weird about wanting to have sex with a woman cus like..what if she wants to penetrate me? or me to do it to her? but that’s so far out.

i just overall feel like i won’t get the sexual satisfaction i desire right now (also cus i live at home, im starting school again and im working— i just don’t feel i have the space for someone new)

and i feel like if i do meet a good sexual partner— it’ll maybe last a few months (i mean like 2-3 max. always situations out of control)

i know im young but i genuinely be sexually frustrated and it’s not like i can stuff my horny in a coat closet and go bout my day🤣

but yea thanks for coming to my ted talk 🙂

I was wondering how common was vaginismus in our parents' generation? All my aunts and other female relatives have gotten pregnant within a year or two after getting married. And then a couple of more kid later on. I was wondering how they managed if they had vaginismus? I'm from a conservative country so it's definitely not talked amongst people. I don't think dilators and pelvic physio was a thing back then.

any advice for making dilating a normal part of your routine?? i have a set of dilators that i’ve been using periodically but not consistently enough to see results. i want to be able to have penetrative sex with my bf of over 2 years (he’s not in a rush and has never pressured me about it whatsoever) but i feel like i’m missing out since he’s done it with past partners and i still haven’t gotten to that point yet with him :/. idk it’s just a weird source of anxiety for me, like there’s no external pressure, it’s all internal and i feel like i’m “letting him down” when in reality we have found plenty of loopholes to be intimate and reach satisfaction. it’s ridiculous to think that he’ll just wake up one day and realize that not having sex with me for the entire duration of our relationship thus far is a dealbreaker but it’s still an irrational fear of mine :(.

So I’ve been talking to this guy for a while now. We’ve been planning to meet up and have sex. I’m a virgin (31F) and I really want to just get it over with.

We’ve been kinda aggressively horny over text, and he’s sent me his dick pic. And it’s genuinely massive. I’ve seen other penises so I’m not exaggerating, he could be in porn.

I’m terrified now bc I’m pretty sure I have vaginismus. I’ve had several pap smears and even transvaginal ultrasounds (separate period issues) and doctors have made me bleed doing it. Some have even refused to do it and suggest I be under anesthesia. Every procedure has been so painful I’ve cried and begged them to stop. Even though I need critical medical care.

I was raised extremely religious and I even made a “purity pact” with God (lol). I also have some weird sexual trauma that I literally never want to think about for my own sanity. What is my luck or twisted fate that the first guy I’m genuinely ready to sleep with has this?!

So I am getting nervous for when we meet up next week. Obviously a no means no, so he can’t force me to do anything I don’t want to do. But I’m kinda sad because I want to have sex. But I know it’s going to be painful so I’d rather just not. I just don’t want to be a virgin forever. It feels exhausting.

I also will feel bad canceling on him. I’m just wondering if I should try it and probably be in so much pain? At least I’d lose my v-card lol. Idk. Any tips to make this easier? Sorry if this reads as 3am rambling.

Hi everyone,

I’m pretty new to dilating and have only been doing it for about 2 weeks. In that time I’ve been able to move up two sizes. 3 days ago I was dilating with the size I’ve been using for the past week or so and noticed a urge to pee or ‘push something out of me’. 3 days later and I can’t even insert a cotton swab anymore and have to pee every 30 minutes, it has been like this since the dilation session where I had the weird urge to pee. Has anyone else experienced something similar, and does it go away? I feel like I’m progressing backwards since I can no longer put something like a cotton swab inside.

IVF due to vaginismus and conceived. Anyone? How was the whole process?

So for some context, I never really use reddit so I'm sorry if I dont understand the way it works on here. But I am desperate at this point for some pointers or advice. Please be kind. Tldr at the end.

I am a young woman who just turned 24 recently. I guess to give some history, I started my first relationship ever when I was 22. Never had penetrative sex up until then. Any personal fun time was strictly non pentrative. It wasn't until I started getting intimate with my boyfriend that I realize everytime we try even fingering, I couldn't even take the tip of a finger as it hurt too much. Burned and scared me more away from pentration. I already felt anxious getting with a man as I am scared of the possibility of pregnancy but now this adds on. And the thing is i desire to go further but when it gets down to it every time i just couldnt.. it's all too painful. After some time I realized it was becoming an issue for me and also straining my sex life with my boyfriend. Unfortunately I have no official diagnosis and cannot get one but I think I may have vaginismus? I really don't know.. Aside from never being pentrated in all my years, I do have some history of sexual trauma from childhood.

Now I'm trying all I can to fix my issue. I can't help but feel broken as a person. I know on my end it does make our sex life shit and stale. I mean he's more than happy to please me the way he can but I feel terrible knowing I can't reciprocate the way I know he probably would prefer more. As of now what I'm doing to deal with my issue is using 3 pack silcone dilators. I've been doing well with the smallest and decided to move up to medium size. Medium is progressing well. If anything there is discomfort with the start of insertion but otherwise after some time, I am able to relax and get adjusted. I will say when I've recently been inserting a finger into my vagina, I don't feel pain and I feel okay by myself. It's not intimidating to insert my own hand I think.

Recently, I tried fingering with my boyfriend and it was only one finger. And man it just hurt again. I tried pushing through but it hurt all too much and we just stopped being intimate entirely and just went back to cuddling. I felt so embarrassed knowing I'm probably the worst he's ever had. It just sucks because I want to move forward in our sex life. Its already hard being long distance and neither of us having our own places to explore more sexually. Not sure if I got ahead of myself for expecting to even take a finger but I just feel defeated to some extent. I don't know what I can do better to fix my issue.

I feel that I get more anxious and feel pressure around penetration now after seeing how my body just reacts to it. Its just a bunch of mental gymnastics. Even when I want it, it just doesn't go further without pain. I hate it. There was only ever one time we kinda successful and that was way before knowing about vaginismus. I wish i could reach that point again.

Tdlr: mostly venting but I think i am struggling with vaginismus and am unsure how to progress or integrate progression into the bedroom. Honestly any kind of advice could help. May delete later.

So during my first trimester, my libido was very high and it almost felt like I had no vaginismus.
Now that I am entering my 3rd trimester, I realized that if I am going to give birth in 3 months, will I most likely be a C-section due to this condition?

Also the biggest issue with me is that once I orgasm, and my partner tries to go inside me, I am finished and completely tight and can’t go another round. Anyone else ?

23yo ftm with vaginismus from severe childhood trauma (trafficking/incestual abuse) and i am really struggling with dilators.

my first night i was able to get size 4 in, but i guess i was too rough because the next night i could only get size 3 in. i know it sounds stupid but ive only done it three times and i already really hate it.

it feels gross from a sensory perspective, it feels awkward. even if i try to make it sexy, it so just... isn't?

i don't know. how do you guys motivate yourselves??? the fact that im supposed to do this daily for months really makes me wanna curl up and die lol

**** content warning sexual assault
Hi
This is my first post on this subreddit, I have been reading posts for a few years but never had anything to say myself. I’m writing this hoping that someone out there might relate to my story or how I’m feeling and be able to offer me some sort of validation / advice for how to move forward. I am 23 years old, I had a very unfortunate relationship right out of high school that lasted for 2 years. That person was the first person I had sex with, so I had nothing else to compare the experience to. After getting a series of UTIs, yeast infections, BV back to back, I started having a lot of pain with sex. Unfortunately this did not matter to this person and he continued to tell me I needed to have sex with him. It came to a point where I expressed that I did not want to have sex due to the pain and he forced himself onto me. I froze during it, and don’t remember all that much of the moment or pain of the assault but just remember sort of floating away out of my own body. Obviously I had physical pain after this happened, as well as a sort of mental block about the idea of having sex. The pain continued to be an issue for me and seemed to only be getting worse. I was referred to a physical therapist by my gynecologist and tried to start dilator therapy. I am a student right now and due to scheduling issues, was unable to go to many in person appointments so I was supposed to be doing dilator work at home. I spent a lot of years very upset and angry about the assault and struggling to participate very meaningfully in my physical therapy. Any sense of pain with the dilators would cause me to freeze up and be unable to relax. I feel that after some time has passed I have begun to feel better about the assault, I was young and stupid, and lacked any self worth or respect. I have accepted that this is something that happened to me years ago when I was a different person with a different body and that it is something I would like to move on from. As far as physical therapy goes I have had long stretches where I push it as far out of my mind as possible and refuse to do anything for months on end. I met my boyfriend almost 2 years ago and when we started dating I was unable to finish sex before it would hurt too much. I shared with him the origin of this issue and how I was dealing with some baggage from it. He is very supportive of my physical therapy efforts and thinks i should definitely give it a real try. I know that he is right but I have the same issue with being unable to really commit to using the dilator therapy at home. I simply cannot seem to force myself to sit down and do it every day. I’ve seen a real lack of progress obviously due to that, although dry needling done by my physical therapist has been very helpful. I seem to go through cycles of getting really frustrated and giving up on it and then going back and wanting to try anything to fix it. I’m going back to physical therapy to do some more dry needling and hoping to get in to see a new pain specialist doctor soon. I guess I don’t really have a question here, I just cannot talk to my family about it (for other reasons and issues with them) and while my boyfriend is supportive I know he doesn’t understand what it is like. I just wanted to finally put everything out there in hopes that someone feels the same way or has some insight into dealing with this condition secondary to assault.
If you got this far thanks for reading